Wordsmith in Training

Along with being awkward, adept at social situations, and an awesome blogger I'm also kind of a nerd. For example, I record Jeopardy every night and have an excel document where I input the number of questions/answers that I get right. Along the same lines, the book I'm currently reading is titled, "The Big Book of Words You Should Know." It basically reads like a dictionary, so it's taken me a while to trudge through it, but it's been incredibly insightful. I'm not even half way through it and I can already tell that my vocabulary is improving. Here a few examples of what I've learned.

You know the phrase, "wet your appetite"? Well, it's actually whet your appetite.

whet (v.)- to stimulate; also to sharpen a knife of similar object by honing on a stone.

I always thought that people with hidden reasons for things had "alterior" motives, but low and behold the actual word is ulterior.

Similarly I always thought the word was "anti-climatic", but it's actually anti-climactic. That extra "c" will get you.

anti-climactic (adj.)- a disappointing decline in contrast to a previous rise; an average ending to a series of important events.

When learning how to play defense in basketball and lacrosse I was always taught to "sluff off" when playing in a zone. Well guess what? The actual word is slough.

slough (v.)- to become shed or cast off, like the slough- or outer skin layer- of a snake.

I always thought that Bob Barker's sign off phrase was "spade and neutered", but I guess I had just never seen it spelled out. The proper spelling is spayed.

spay (v.)- to render an animal infertile by removing the ovaries.

Another word that I had never seen written was brouhaha. Honestly I was surprised to see that it was actually a word.

brouhaha (n.)- an event that involves or invokes excitement, turmoil, or conflict.

Speaking of which, fracas is also a word.

Another word that I had heard of, but wasn't entirely sure that it was an actual word was snafu.

snafu (n.)- an eggregious, but common error.

Much like Sarah Palin I've always thought that "gambit" meant the same thing as gamut (FYI- Palin thought "refudiate" meant the same as "repudiate"; however "refudiate" isn't a word....until now).

Now, of course, my confusion was related to the X-Men character named Gambit (who I just learned was played by Tim Riggins/Taylor Kitsch in X-Men Origins: Wolverine), but I digress.



gamut (n.)- the full range or extent.

As many of you know there are sophisticated terms for some wild things. For example, the proper terms for oral sex are fellatio and cunnilingus. Also, the proper term for a wet dream is nocturnal emission. I bring this up because in reading this book I came across the proper term for a burp, belch, etc.

eructation (n.)- a fancy word word for belch.

Now that's an easy transition to the first of two words that I've always spelled improperly.

flaccid (adj.)- lacking firmness, stiffness, vigor.

I never knew there was a second "c".

gist (n.)- the main point; the essential meaning, the core or heart of the message.

I always thought it was "jist".

The word I think I was happiest to stumble across was crag.

crag (n.)- a steep rock formation rising higher than its surrounding rocks.

Obviously this tidbit of info was music to my ears because I now know half of the derivation of "The Aggro Crag" from Nickelodeon's Global Guts.



You know the "dobber" that your grandmother uses while playing BINGO? Well it's actually daubber and comes from the word daub.

daub (v.)- to smear with a sticky substance; to paint a surface in a hurried fashion.

I've always equated the term "double entendre" with sexual innuendo and I've now learned that I was only partially correct.

double entendre (n.)- a statement in which one or many of the words may be interprated in several ways, resulting in ambiguity; an expression that can be taken two ways, one of which often has sexual or threatening undertones.

While we're at it? What's the difference between overtones and undertones?

Well, I just looked up their definitions and I'm pretty sure that they're interchangeable.

This book of mine also has a cool section on popular foreign idioms. Now I'll assume that most of you know what these ones mean- a cappella, ad lib, ad nauseum, au contraire, au revoir, carpe diem, deja vu, faux pas, quid pro quo, status quo- but here are 10 more that you should familiarize yourself with.

1.) ad hoc (adj.)- for a specific purpose or end; formed for immediate or present need. The Latin phrase literally translates to "for this purpose".

ex: an ad hoc committee

2.) avant-garde (adj.)- relating to the latest trends, especially in the world of art; of a new or experimental nature. The term is French for "fore guard", or furthest from the line of battle.

3.) bon mot (n.)- a clever or witty comment.

4.) carte blanche (n.)- unrestricted power, access, or privilege; permission to act entirely as one wishes. Carte blance is French for "blank document".

ex: having little to no regard for consequences is to act in a carte blanche manner.

5.) coup de grace (n.)- a decisive act or event that brings a situation to a close; the finishing blow.

6.) fait accompli (n.)- something undertaken and already concluded. Fait compli is French for "accomplished fact".

ex: a done deal

7.) je ne sais quoi (n.)- a special, intangible quality. The term is French for "I don't know what.

ex: When someone has a je ne sais quoi about them they have what we Americans like to call the "it" factor.

8.) mea culpa (n.)- an acknowledgement, usually in public, of a blunder or mistake. The term is Latin for "I am to blame."

ex: Tiger Woods' February press conference, the one where he fielded no questions, was a mea culpa.

9.) non sequitur (n. adj.)- something that does not follow logically. A statement that has no basis in what has gone before.

ex: The term is usually used to refer to comedic one liners that are seemingly absurd.

10.) tete-a-tete (n.)- a meeting in which two people meet face to face. The term is French for "head to head".

Proper Protocal

Although I recently referred to myself as the most awkward human being on the planet, I'm also quite adept when it comes to common social situations in which the proper protocal is unclear. My friend "Downtown" Jeff Brown and I routinely seek each other's counsel when in situations where the most appropriate etiquite escapes us, or just to affirm our instincts when we encounter someone that may have corrupted the social order. If you are ever in a situation and you aren't sure how to act accordingly feel free to consult with me if you have the time to do so, or confer with me afterwards to see if you handled the situation properly. If you aren't sure what kind of situations I'm referring to, here are a few examples.

1.) At the Movies- I assume everyone knows this one, but I'll explain it anyway. If two guys go to a movie they must leave a seat inbetween them unless the theater is filled to capacity. Only when the number of guys reaches 5 is it acceptable to sit in consecutive seats.

2.) All that and a bag of chips (true or false Stephen Colbert tried to trademark this phrase last week?)- A few years back Browny called me after he had the following encounter. He was on the couch eating a large bag of chips while watching a movie with 1-2 other people. He said that asked the others if they wanted any chips and they both said no. After he polished off the chips (I assume the bag was already opened before he began eating them because Browny is a skinny guy), he commented on how good the chips were as he threw out the bag. At this point, one of the other people watching the movie said something to the effect of, "Yeah, thanks for offering," in a very sarcastic tone. Now after this episode Browny was shocked at this vitriolic response and wanted to know if he had done his due diligence, so he consulted me. Quite frankly, I told him that although this person's reaction was a bit extreme, he was in fact at fault. When it comes to being offered food, most polite people initially decline even if they really want to accept. After the second offer their true intentions normally reveal themselves.

3.) Door Holders-



Browny once told me that he followed some poor girl all the way across campus one day and she held 6 different doors open for him during the trek. He told me that he said "thank you" everytime, but wanted to know what the proper protocal was. At first I told him that the obvious answer is that the first and last door necessitates a "thank you." He quickly retorted in saying that he never knew what door was going to be the last one so he just kept saying "thank you" everytime. Our final verdict was that if you say "thank you" after the first door a simple nod of the head will suffice for each corresponding door. Although, if it becomes clear that a door will be the last in a series of doors a verbal "thank you again" is not necessary, but strongly recommended.

4.) The Soda Fountain-



a.) During one of our many Spicy Chicken Wednesday meals at Wendy's I had finished my Dr. Pepper, but I was still thirsty. Normally I would have just gotten up and refilled my drink, but the soda fountain in the restaurant was behind the counter. Browny enlightened me and told me that it's more than acceptable to walk up to the counter (and cut the line even) to ask for a refill.

b.) Last week, while at the soda fountain the person behind Browny in line abruptly placed their cup directly next to his and began filling up the soda of their choice. Browny texted me shortly after to confirm what the proper procedure in an instance like this is. Of course, his instincts were correct. According to the unwritten code of social behavior this sort of behavior is generally frowned upon. Proper protocal is to wait for the person in front of you to finish filling up their cup and walk away before you approach the fountain. When time is an issue it is acceptable to simultaneously fill up your cup only if your soda of choice is on the opposite side of the ice feeder.

Now there are countless other examples (and when I say countless I mean 3-4) where Browny and I have discussed proper etiquette in everyday social situations, but my memory isn't what it once was. Bottom line, I fancy myself a highly qualified arbiter in instances such as these, so feel free to check with me if you are ever in such a situation.

Keeping Tabs

Believe or not, I'm not much of a gambler. Even when comes to sports, I rarely roll the dice.

The same can not be said for many of my friends. A handful of which (from both highschool and college) are full fledged sports gambling afficionados. They spend countless hours looking at point spreads and evaluating over/unders. In fact, one of my friends runs a sports gambling website in his spare time that I occasionally contribute to. Gambling (sports related or not) is such a part of his life that he can't go more than 10 minutes without making a bet of some sort. For example, in late August a bunch of us were in Atlantic City for a little guys weekend (golf, fantasy football draft, and a friend's birthday) and he must have made upwards of 30 bets in the course of 2 days. It got to the point where he wanted to bet someone on the amount of happy birthday Facebook wall posts our friend had received from midnight to the time of the proposed bet (3:30 am- give or take an hour).

Now I am no stranger to the world of sports betting. I briefly dabbled back in my college days. I figured that my knowledge of sports would serve me well and for a while it did. True to my nature I was a very conservative gambler. I usually only bet on 1-2 games a week and about $20 per contest. This all changed, however, when the opportunity to score big presented itself.

The day was Monday, November 28th, 2005. The Fairfield University basketball had started the year 0-2 and were poised for a miserable season. In town that night to take on the Stags were the 2-0 Providence Friars. Providence, led by Kennedy Catholic great Donnie "Be cool. You know me" McGrath, were by no means a powerhouse in the Big East, but they were much more talented than the bottom feeders of the MAAC.

My cousin who will not be named received a call from his dad in the early afternoon hours and he mentioned how Providence was only favored by 5 points. We were stunned by this information. We both agreed that Providence was more likely to win by 55 than Fairfield was to keep the score within 5. Although I had never bet on a college basketball game and I'd be breaking my own rule #1 of gambling (never bet against your own team) I was all set to place a hefty wager on the game. Minutes later that hefty wager soon turned into an all out splurge.

My cousin had played on the Fairfield basketball the year before and was still close with many of the players. He told me that one of Fairfield's star players was walking around on crutches after suffering an injury in practice the night before. I was convinced that the spreadmakers in Vegas had no knowledge of this injury; therefore this bet was truly a sure thing. So much so that I called a few of my friends from highschool and told them to bet the farm on Providence.

To say that Providence's 35-34 halftime lead made me feel uneasy would be an understatement. Not only were my armpits in full on fire hydrant mode, but a cold sweat slowly dripped down by back as I tried to reassure myself and my friends from home (the game obviously wasn't televised) that Providence would pull away in the second half.

Providence maintained a slim lead late into the second half and although they were clearly the inferior team Fairfield just would not quit. Finally Providence extended their lead to 9 with about 3 minutes to play and I quickly updated my friends from home.

As the final minutes counted down the Stags were in desperation mode. They were running a full court press, sending Providence to the free throw line when they didn't get a steal, and jacking up 3's on offense....and for some God forsaken reason they were making them. I've never seen Fairfield get so hot from behind the 3-point line. It was ridiculous.

With 10 seconds to play Providence had pushed their lead back to 5 at 80-75 and Fairfield was down to their final gasp. All I needed to win the bet was for Fairfield to miss a three and to have the Providence rebounder make 1 free throw on the other end. In a cruel twist of fate Alvin Carter, known for his rebounding and defense (aka he wasn't an offensive threat) banked in a three-pointer to cut the Providence lead to 2. Fairfield fouled immediately. The Providence player made 1-2 from the line and Fairfield heaved up a half court shot as time expired. Final score- Providence 81, Fairfield 78.

Rule #1- Never bet against your own team.

Not that I'm still bitter about that game or anything (I am), but I'm pretty sure that Alvin Carter had never even taken a three-pointer in practice, let alone in a game. Also, to illustrate how much better of a team Providence was. They shot 64% from the floor that night whereas Fairfield shot just 43%. For those of you that also bet on the game (I'm looking at you Kyle Korver), here is the boxscore.

After the game I vowed to never gamble on sports (through a bookie, website) etc. again.

I've held true to that vow, but I haven't completely eradicated gambling from my life because 1.) it makes things a lot more exciting and 2.) it's fun to make a little wager with a friend every once in a while.

To the best of my knowledge in the past year I have made six such bets.

1.) In May I bet my cousin who will not be named $50 that Syracuse guard Andy Rautins would be drafted in the NBA draft in late June. Rautins was selected in the 2nd round (38th overall) by the New York Knicks. My cousin claims that this was the luckiest bet of my life and that the bet was only $20 (which I have yet to collect on).



I want to say that there was also a bet as to whether or not he'd be on a team's opening day roster, which he was, but I can't remember all the details.

2.) In June I bet my buddy Mark on the Celtics/Lakers NBA Finals. He, from Boston, had the Celtics and I had the Lake Show. The winner of the bet (me) won free drinks for a night (which I have yet to collect on).



That's 5 for Kobe in case you aren't keeping track at home.

3.) In July I bet my friend Jaclyn on who Ali would pick in The Bachelorette Finale. She thought that Ali would pick Chris and I thought Ali would pick Roberto. The winner of the bet (me) won a few drinks (which I have yet to collect on).



4.) During guys weekend in Atlantic City I bet my friend Alex, who runs the sports gambling site, $50 on the win total of the Tampa Bay Bucs. The line was set at 5 1/2 and I took the under. The Bucs are currently 5-2 (3-0 on the road) and would have to lose their last 9 games for me to win the bet.



5.) In an effort to make watching TV more enjoyable, Alex encouraged our friend RJ and me to partake in a fantasy draft of competitors on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. We each put $20 down and drafted 3 guys, 3 girls, and a team (the draft was done via email). The rules stipulate that whoever has the most players left at the time of the final challenge wins. In the event of a tie, the team that we drafted serves as the tiebreaker. We weren't really sure how the show worked, but it makes sense. RJ's team is still completely intact and Alex and I have each lost a player.



By the way, this is the perfect example of how gambling makes everything more exciting. There is no chance that I would ever have wasted my time watching this show, but now that I'm invested in it I can't get enough.

6.) With the NBA season starting my excitement for the new look New York Knicks has gone through the roof (maybe that's what cause debris to fall from the Garden). After noticing that I was watching a Knicks game instead of a World Series game that I was working on, my boss and I got to talking and eventually a bet was made. For some reason (I'm mildly delusional when it comes to the Knicks) I claimed that the Knicks would finish ahead of the Atlanta Hawks in the Eastern Conference. Things are looking good so far as the Knicks are off to a hot 1-2 start and the Hawks have stumbled out of the gate, going 5-0.



Thankfully there is nothing riding on this bet other than my credibility as an NBA fan around the office.