Top 10- Super Bowl Edition

Now that we are in full on Super Bowl detox mode I figured I'd chime in while I still could. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure I will in the coming days, but the tradition every year is for the Super Bowl winning quarterback to answer the question, "Now that you've won the Super Bowl, what are you going to do next?" by saying, "I'm going to go to Disney World." Disney then turns that post game response into a commercial. Here is my man Eli Manning after the Giants beat the Patriots in 2008.



While that is the tradition, here are the Top Ten Things that Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers should have said on Sunday night when asked what he was going to do next...


10.) "Teach Christina Aguilera the words to our national anthem."


9.) "Make sure my wide receivers wash the butter off of their fingers."




8.) "I'm going to Disney World"- Even I can't knock tradition. Plus, I work for Disney.


7.) "Head to the piano bar with a few of my teammates to celebrate."


6.) "Ask you all not to refer to me as A-Rod because I don't want to be confused for that purple-lipped loser."




5.) "Defend my title on Monday Night Raw"




4.) "Take Fergie into a bathroom stall because her body is ridiculous,"




3.) "And then punch her in the face for effectively ruining "Sweet Child o' Mine"


2.)"Put my red cardigan on and return to my neighborhood."




1.) "Send Jenn Sterger a real text message."

Batter Up

There are obviously a lot of things that I like about sports. I mean, it's hard not to like the drama, the competition, and the performance. Professional athletes are just on a whole nother level both physically (I can't dunk or hit a curveball) and mentally (no chance I'd make a free throw in a packed arena). That said, they are also human beings just like you and me (do I have to credit US Weekly?). It's not often that we get to see the human side of athletes, so when we do I relish the opportunity.

This is one of the many reasons that I love entrance songs. Entrance songs give athletes a chance to show a little bit of their personality. Baseball players (hitters and closers) either pick a song that they enjoy or one that pumps them up. This selection either tells you a little bit about each player or makes you wonder about them. Does he like rap? Oh, a country song. Is he from the South? Can't say I'm surprised that the player from the Domincan Republic went with the Salsa beat. Every so often an athlete and their entrance song sort of become one. What I mean by that is that when I hear the song I think of the athlete. For example, when I hear "Numb/Encore" I think of A-Rod. Also, when I hear "Enter Sandman" I look around to see if Mariano Rivera is going to come running out of nowhere.

This glimpse into the mind of a professional athlete is fascinating to me. In fact, back when I was the host of my own low/no budget college radio show I used to ask callers what song they would pick to walk up to the plate to.

Now naturally I've also long contemplated what song I would choose if I was walking up to the plate or coming in to close a game and on last night's episode of Eastbound and Down Kenny Powers stole the song that was the leader in the clubhouse for me....



I don't know if it's my love for America, my admiration for Hulk Hogan, or what, but that song has a weird power over me. I turn into an animal whenever I hear it. It's hard to explain, but I've done some crazy things while that song has been playing.

While that song would no doubt be my pick if I was a professional baseball player (although after last night I'd have to reconsider because some of the luster is definitely gone), I did have the opportunity to pick an entrance song back in college. No, I wasn't on the baseball team, although I did successfully convince at least a dozen people that I was. My intramural softball team (The Sal Ciaccio Memorial All-Stars) had walk up songs (as well as music to play inbetween innings). As the manager of the team, I asked each player to pick a walk up song of their choosing (some changed for each game) and then I arranged the songs according to the batting order on a CD to make it easy on the girls who sat in the stands and played them for us.


Yes, those are champagne bottles

Obviously it's key to select a song that has a cool opening. I mean, I cued up the chorus for some people's selections, but I think it's best to stick with the actual beginning of the song. That said, after dabbling with a few songs I went with this '80's classic.


(:16 to :28)

Other songs I considered:

Nirvana- Come As You Are- Not only do I like the beginning of the song, but I also love how the title and lyrics seem appropriate for the situation. In essence the batter is saying that they are coming to the plate as they are. This is also why I lovvved when Manny Ramirez came to the plate to Ready or Not by The Fugees.

Aerosmith- Sweet Emotion - Just a cool beginning.

Guns 'N Roses- Sweet Child O' Mine- I probably would have went this song if our meathead cleanup hitter (love ya Hoff) didn't already choose it.

Other songs that my Sal C's teammates went with:

Ram Jam- Black Betty

Dr. Dre- Bang Bang

Kanye West- Homecoming

Billy Squier- The Stroke

Cam'ron- Suck It or Not (1:52- 2:03)

Wisin y Yandel- Rakata (:24-:38)


So now I ask you. If you were a professional baseball player (or intramural/company softball player) what song would you walk up to the plate to?

Top 25

With college football right around the corner I think it's only fitting that I release my top 25....actresses in Hollywood. These composite rankings take into account a multitude of factors.

-Looks- Looking good is half the battle and don't let anyone tell you any different.
-Talent- How good of an actress are you? Can you play multiple roles? Have you been typecast? Do you just skate by on your looks?
-Prestige- Will your name be enough to sell a movie? Does your acting resume stack up? Have you been nominated for, or won, big time awards?
-Exposure- Do I know who your husband/boyfriend is? Are you magazine cover worthy? Will the papparazzi leave you alone?
-Wealth- What kind of price tag do you have on you? What do you make per movie?
-Recent Activity- What have you done for me lately? When I hear your name can I easily recall the most recent movie that you've been in? If so, was that movie successful?

After weighing these factors, as well as my own personal biases, I have compiled the following power rankings. Television actresses were not considered.

And now without further ado....

1.) Angelina Jolie



First things first, Angelina Jolie is a an amazing actress. She's won an Oscar (Best Supporting Actress for Girl, Interrupted (1999)) and been nominated for another (Best Actress for Changeling (2008)). This should come as no surprise, seeing that the acting gene is in her blood (Jon Voight is her father). Secondly, she's an absolute babe. Thirdly, she's married to a hunk in Brad Pitt. Fourthly (is this a word?), she's in magazines more than almost anyone because of her relationship with Pitt, her adopted kids, and her activism all around the globe. Fifthly (definitely not a word), she is more than enough to carry an entire movie (see Salt (2010)). Honestly, I don't know if anyone else is as close to being the total package (as far as these power rankings go) as Angelina.

2.) Jennifer Aniston



She's clearly not the best actress out there, but the rom-com queen just continues to crank out films. And she's still bringing it by the way. I mean, she's 41 and she arguably looks better than when she was 31. She also gets perhaps her biggest boost on this list because her personal life has been covered 12 times over by the tabloids. Speaking of which, I feel a little bad having her #2 with Angelina at #1 after the whole Brad Pitt saga, but it is what it is. Lastly, I don't think it's that outrageous to say that she's more famous now than all of her castmates from Friends combined.

3.) Kate Winslet



When it comes to talent, from a pure acting perspective, I think Winslet is the best in the business. She just isn't out there enough to hang with Angie and Jen, although her separation from director Sam Mendes has put her in the spotlight more than she's used to.

4.) Meryl Streep



Although I loathe her, even I can't argue with her pedigree. Meryl has had an extraordinary career as an actress and she continues to wow audiences with her array of roles even to this day.

5.) Reese Witherspoon



Dare I say that she's underrated? She's adorable, extremely talented, and makes a killing per movie, but I get the feeling that she's never really in the best actress conversation. Of all the Oscar winning performances for Best Actress in my lifetime, I think hers in Walk The Line (2005) is head and shoulders above the rest.

6.) Sandra Bullock



The reigning Oscar winner for Best Actress has been everywhere ever since her divorce from Jesse James. As much as I want to have Sandra's back, I do put some of the blame on her because the guy was a trainwreck before she married him. I mean, just look at his tatooes. No wonder he was into a chick that had even more than he did. Also, he kind of looks like Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger. Lastly, Sandra recently went Angelina on us and adopted a baby (and I think it's black), so that definitely helped her in the rankings.

7.) Cameron Diaz



I don't think Cameron Diaz is a good actress, but she's made a lot of money by looking good in movies that have made a lot of money. In fact, she's hard not to like. She just has that bubbly, fun personality.

8.) Anne Hathaway



This might be my most surprising ranking of them all. In fact, I probably have her a little too high, but Hathaway's career has really taken off in the past few years. I'm actually not a big fan of hers (I don't really like her personality from the interviews I've seen), but I can't deny her rapid ascension into the Hollywood elite.

9.) Scarlett Johansson



Scarlet Johansson knows she's a great actress and she knows she's hot, but I get the feeling that she could really care less. For whatever reason she just strikes me as the type of actress that is completely artsy and all about the performance. There's no doubt that she could be even more famous and make a lot more money, but she'll stick to doing Woody Allen movies because they're more abstract. Seriously, she has all the potential to be one the top leading ladies, but I don't think that she wants to be.

10.) Julia Roberts



She was undoubtedly #1 on this list back in her prime (1988-1994) and it would almost seem like a crime if she wasn't still in the top 10. This Hollywood vet has name recognition some of these other actresses only dream that they can one day achieve.

11.) Vera Farmiga- Her body of work doesn't stack up with many of the other actresses on this list, but boy was she outstanding in The Departed (2007) and Up in the Air (2010). If she hits it out of the park in her next role, you can bet your bottom dollar that she'll find her way into the top 10.
12.) Penelope Cruz- 3 Oscar noms (1 win) in the past 4 years for this Latina sensation. Maybe that mental breakdown was a blessing in disguise?
13.) Halle Berry- She's still the best African American actress going. And she's still drop dead gorgeous.
14.) Jennifer Garner- I don't think that I've ever heard someone say a bad word about her. She just has that down to earth, girl next door kind of personality. And being Mrs. Ben Affleck doesn't hurt.
15.) Helen Mirren- Not only does she look goood for 65, but she's been nominated for 4 Oscars (1 win), including for Best Actress earlier this year.
16.) Keira Knightley- This British starlet is definitely on the rise in the acting world. She's stunningly beautiful and blessed with a natural ability on the screen.
17.) Drew Barrymore- Even though I despise her, she is still deserving of this spot. Don't ask me why, but her name carries weight around the Hollywood circuit.
18.) Ellen Page- She was awesome in Juno (2007) and showed her versatility in Inception (2010). She'll be marching up this list in the coming years.
19.) Jessica Biel- I don't think that Biel is all that talented as an actress, but she's arguably the best looking woman in Hollywood and she gets major bonus points for dating Justin Timberlake.
20.) Kate Hudson- Oh how the mighty have fallen. Last year she definitely would have been in the top 15 and may even have sniffed the top 10 (thanks to her highly publicized romance with A-Rod), but now she's falling quickly. I used to be her biggest fan, but I can't even tell you the last movie that she was in.
21.) Zooey Deschanel- My #1 celebrity crush was going to find her way onto this list one way or another. And for the record, she's excellent in Yes Man (2008) and (500) Days of Summer (2009).
22.) Amy Adams- I can't get enough of this red head. She's paid her dues as a supporting actress, but I still think she's a year or two away from really excelling in a lead role.
23.) Nicole Kidman- She's fresh off two busts (Australia (2008), Nine (2009)) and fading quickly, but her name still carries weight.
24.) Rachel McAdams- She has a very solid resume and she's attractive in that she's got something about her kind of way, but she lacks any sort of star quality.
25.) Kristen Bell- She's definitely an up and comer and probably would have been higher if I remembered her name when I was compiling this list. No joke, I wrote down "Sarah Marshall" because her actual name didn't come to me. On a related note, I don't know what I'd do without Google.

Others Receiving Votes: Natalie Portman, Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Cate Blanchett, Hilary Swank, Anna Kendrick, Kate Beckinsale, Laura Linney, Katherine Heigl, Gwyneth Paltrow, Isla Fisher, Julianne Moore, Katie Holmes, Eva Mendes, Mila Kunis, Rashida Jones, Sienna Miller


I know I probably forgot someone worthy of mention, so feel free to let me know who I unintentionally snubbed.

Flipping the Script

New York Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez has 5 HRs and 12 RBIs in just nine games so far this postseason. Talent wise these gaudy numbers make sense, but up until this year A-Rod's postseason production as a Yankee has been horrendous. In fact, in his first 24postseason games with the Yanks ('04-'07) he had a grand total of nine RBIs.

How do we explain this recent stretch of playoff success?

The easy answer would be that his steroids secret is out and the pressure is off, but there's definitely more to it than that.

In 2000, Rodriguez became the highest paid player in baseball by signing a 10 year $252 million dollar contract with the Texas Rangers. Ever since that point A-Rod has been (excuse the pun) a lightning rod of media criticism and he hasn't handled it well.

Case in point, he once said "When people write bad things about me, I don't know if it's because I'm good-looking, I'm biracial, I make the most money, I play on the most popular team."

There's no doubt that being under the microscope has made A-Rod a headcase. Until now he's been so concerned with what everyone else thinks of him that he hasn't been able to perform when it matters most. For the longest time it was like he was playing the "what if" game in his head while at the plate. I think it started with, "What will the papers say about me if I get this clutch hit?" and soon turned into, "What will the papers say about me if I don't get this clutch hit?"

He's so obsessed with being praised that his focus is more on that than allowing his physical tools to take over. It's sort of like when I pick my head up to look at a golf shot before I actually hit it. About 99% of the time that shot is terrible.

A-Rod so desperately wants everything to be perfect that when things go wrong he gets easily frustrated. When his relationship with Jeter was obviously a little strained, he kept avoiding questions about it before finally saying, "The reality is there's been a change in the relationship over 14 years and, hopefully, we can just put it behind us. You go from sleeping over at somebody's house five days a week, and now you don't sleep over. It's just not that big of a deal."

A-Rod is also a head case because the media has exposed his personal life. Some say that his personal life should not be covered, but others say that it's the price he pays for being a celebrity. Either way, in May of '07 A-Rod was photographed entering a hotel with a blonde woman in Toronto. It was later revealed that she was an exotic dancer from Las Vegas. Over a year later, in July of '08, his wife filed for divorce amidst swirling rumors about A-Rod's relationship with Madonna.



To me, his relationship with Madonna was rock bottom. I mean, there were reports of late night helicopter rides to each other's apartments, she got him into Kaballah (the mystical aspect of Judaism), and an identified source claims that A-Rod once said, "She's my fucking soulmate."

A-Rod's turnaround (if you will) began when he soon became "bored" with Kaballah and essentially kicked Madonna to the curb. What I think really happened is that A-Rod realized that Madonna (one of only a handful of women in the world that is more well known than him) is more of a whack job than he is. At first he was like, "This is cool. I'm plowing Madonna. She's really famous. We have a spiritual connection." And then the more time he spent with her the more he realized that she was out of her mind. He finally saw a relationship from the other side and it scared the shit out of him.

By the time A-Rod got over Madonna another shitstorm was waiting on his doorstep. In February of 2009 Sports Illustrated's Selena Roberts reported that A-Rod had tested positive for anabolic steroids back in 2003. A-Rod, with his orange skin and purple lips , finally faced the music and admitted that he used banned substances from 2001-2003 citing the enormous amount of pressure that he was under. While some see this as the lowest of lows for A-Rod I see it as the second step to his emotional turnaround (getting freaked out by Madonna being the first step).

The final step in A-Rod's 180 started in May when it was first reported that he was dating Kate Hudson. Hudson is perfect for Rodriguez for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost she's a big name babe, but she's not a bigger name that A-Rod. Furthermore she's previously dated a superstar athlete (Lance Armstrong), a headcase (Owen Wilson), and like A-Rod she's a divorced parent. Also, not for nothing, she grew up in the world of celebrity (she is the daughter of Goldie Hawn).



The turnaround is now complete, but only because A-Rod has shown that he is immune to an ailment that has plagued many a man throughout the course of time. This ailment, of course, is most commonly known as Girlfriend Syndrome (GFS). Whether it be a high school player (virtually every guy you know) or a professional athlete (Tony Romo, among others) guys have a tendency to perform miserably whenever they know that their girlfriend/love interest is watching them compete in person. If a guy knows that his girlfriend is in the audience he'll usually press and try too hard to impress her with his skills on the field/court. Somehow A-Rod still crushes the ball even though he knows that Hudson is sitting right there behind the Yankee dugout. Honestly I can't tell what he's hitting harder, the ball or her vagina after the games.

Now that the Yankees have made it to the World Series all eyes will be on A-Rod to see how he performs on baseball's biggest stage. Will he continue to be a force in the middle of the Yankee lineup or will he revert back to his old postseason ways?

"Call the Fire Department, this one's out of control"

First and foremost, I would like to thank our loyal reader Marc, from Hoboken, NJ, for designing the Shampoo Effect's new look. His mastery of binary code speaks for itself. Now while I am appreciative for what he has done, I must take this chance to condemn him for an entirely different matter. Marc is a contributing writer for a blog that I have linked to on the right hand side, and from what my sources tell me, it was at his urging that this blog (EBC) succumbed to the latest media craze and joined Twitter.

About a month ago a friend suggested that I join Twitter. She said that it was definitely something that someone with my scope of the media and politics should look into. At this point I didn't know too much about Twitter. For those of you that don't know, it is basically a website that is devoted to Facebook status updates. You have 140 characters (that number could be off) to answer the question, what are you doing? Much of the hype is based on being able to follow "tweets" (postings on Twitter) of celebrities. Now I didn't want to write this new fad off right away because based on my track record (AOL, Napster, Facebook, iTunes, Gmail, Blogger) I have fallen for each new trend as they have become mainstream. I instead waited for the man who shapes most of my opinions to decide for me.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Claire McCaskill's Twittering
comedycentral.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

Twitter had infiltrated my friends, politics, and I guess I should have known that it was only a matter of time before it ransacked the world of sports. Milwaukee Bucks forward Charlie Villanueva infamously "tweeted" during halftime of a game against the Celtics on March 15th. The halftime "tweet" didn't seem to hamper Villanueva's performance as he scored 11 of his 19 points in the 4th quarter to lead the Bucks to victory. Upon hearing this news, Bucks head coach Scott Skiles, a hot head by nature, gracefully banned "tweeting" from the lockerroom, saying that anything that remotely gives the impression that his players aren't fully committed to winning will not be allowed. Of course the media ran wild with the story, which I'm sure wasn't Villanueva's intention because he's not the brightest (he went to UCONN for a few years and I'm sure he went to all of his classes). This "tweet" heard round the country gave Villanueva more media attention than anything he ever did on the court. It even prompted PTI's Michael Wilbon to say that "Twitter is one of the worst things to happen to the United States of America."

The "tweeting" did not stop there. On Saturday, Suns center Shaquille O'Neal "twote" (is that the past tense of tweet?)"Attention all twitterers I'm a tweet at halftime and not get fined like vill a new wave a whteva his name is." He then went on to "tweet" "Shhhhhhh" shortly before the start of the third quarter. When asked, Suns head coach Alvin Gentry said, "As long as he gets 25 [points] and 11 [rebounds], he can do whatever he wants. He can Twitter, Facebook, MySpace."

This Twitter craze is getting out of control. Last week a court case seemingly cost a building materials company $12.6 million, but the verdict was appealed on the grounds of a juror "tweeting" during the case.

It looks like Twitter is here to stay, at least until a new fad comes along. It is in the news more than A-Rod, but it's just not for me. I mean who wants to read that I'm on the toilet for the 3rd time in one day?

Faux and Balanced

If you don't occasionally read The Onion, you should. They create mock news stories that mirror real events. These sarcastic articles bluntly say what the news stories actually mean. For example, here is an article about A-Rod.

Here's a few other samples of what The Onion provides.





How celebrity couples spent Valentine's Day.

The CIA has mistakenly ruined hundreds of top secret documents.

This article pokes fun at why people get dogs.




I've also now added The Onion, and a few other sites, to the link list on the right hand side of this blog.

Personal Offense Scale

Athletes are thought of as role models, and are therefore subjected to unfair scrutiny when they make mistakes. It seems like athletes are making these mistakes all too frequently. Just recently we have had Michael Phelps hitting that bong (the picture seen around the world) and A-Rod's admission to taking performance enhancing drugs. The public/media reaction for these offenses, just like all scandals that involve athletes, has been varied. Some people have compared smoking marijuana to speeding or cheating on your taxes while others have demanded the full prosecution of the law. For the record, the DA in whatever South Carolina county that is reeks of desperation in his/her attempt for nationwide attention. Arresting people because a picture has been circulated weeks after the incident? Please. A-Rod's steroid admission has earned him praise in some courts, even though he only admitted it because his name was leaked, where as baseball purists are adamant in declaring that this whole era of baseball is tainted.

Steroids is actually a great example to prove the point about varied reactions by the media and the court of public opinion. Barry Bonds, A-Rod, McGwire, etc. get killed by the media for their use of performance enhancing drugs. As if the public shame isn't enough, Hall of Fame voters develop vendettas against these so-called cheaters, despite their extraordinary talents. Contrastly, Shawn Merriman, a Pro Bowl Linebacker of the San Diego Chargers, tests positive for performance enhancing drugs and the media treats it like an injury. "Shawn Merriman will miss four games." "The Chargers Defense will struggle until they get Merriman back." "Merriman, despite missing four games, is still a pro bowler."

A blog named Free Darko has recognized this disparity and has called for a personal offense scale that would put all athletes on a level playing field in terms of what their punishment and subsequent media reaction should be. It should be noted that my scale was constructed by assuming that each transgression was committed by a player on my favorite team.

15.) Complaining about one's contract- This happens all the time and more often than not I side with the athlete in question. Arizona Cardinals Wide Reciever Anquan Boldin is the most recent athlete to do so and he has a legitimate gripe. The Cardinals signed his teammate Larry Fitzgerald to a long term deal (something like 4 years for $40 million), but have refused to do the same for him even though Boldin's numbers are eerily similar to Fitzgerald's. In 80 career games Boldin has caught 502 passes for 6496 yards and 40 TD's. In 76 career games Fitzgerald has caught426 passes for 5975 yards and 46 TD's.

The opposing argument is that you have no right to complain if you are under a contract. I agree with this line of thinking to a certain extent, but contract extensions occur frequently enough in professional sports for athletes who feel that they are underpaid to complain. My only complaint with all this is if the athlete doesn't have the numbers to back it up.

14.) Sexual Infidelity- When it comes to professional athletes, this is a given. I think I would say that 75% of professional athletes cheat on their spouses (that's MLB, NBA, and the NFL- is the NHL lockout over yet?) That number might even be higher. This offense is rather insignificant because it doesn't involve criminal charges and the athlete's performance does not suffer. Let me put it this way. Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant both cheated on their wives and they did just fine on the basketball court.

Jordan/Kobe is another glaring example of a varied media/public reaction. Jordan cheated on his wife countless times and she eventually divorced him. Kobe Bryant cheated on his wife (probably up until he got caught) and I believe has not done so since. The media didn't bring up Jordan's infidelity because they subjectively handled their coverage of him. They were not reporters. They were fans writing stories about him. Kobe, on the other hand, was ripped because of the changing focus of the American media. After the Monica Lewinsky scandal, everyone became an overly critical investigator. The watchdog mentality has since been furthered with the coverage of A-Rod's infidelity in Toronto. Now I am not absolving Kobe Bryant for his offense, in fact he's lucky his wife is superficial enough to let a 3 million dollar ring do the trick, but I am saying that the media treated his situation much differently than Jordan's.

13.) Making it rain- Adam "Pac Man" Jones made this one famous while in a strip club in Vegas and only ran into trouble when he tried to reclaim all of the money that he threw around. If you have the money to throw around in a club than by all means do it. I don't care if your poor judgment leaves you with no money after you retire. Just don't be an idiot and try to get your money back after flaunting it in a club.

12.) Racism- It's rare that a story breaks involving an athlete and racial impropriety; however I suspect that plenty of athletes have racist sentiments. Kerry Collins, quarterback for the Tennessee Titans, while a member of the Carolina Panthers once called his teammate Muhsin Muhammad, a wide receiver, a "nigger" while at a bar in South Carolina. Apparently this slur was attributed to Collins' larger problem; alcohol, but as you know, the drunk tongue speaks what the sober mind thinks. Collins was able to lead that Panther team to the NFC championship game, so I don't think his racism/alcoholism was that much of a problem.

In fact, I don't find racism to be that big of a problem in sports. On a given team, white guys can hang out with other white guys and black guys can hang out with other black guys. Not everyone on every team is going to get along. Talent, coaching, and focus can outweigh a lack of racial harmony. Unfortunately for the Cowboys they didn't have much coaching or focus this past season. Don't try to tell me that the Romo/Witten/TO thing didn't have racial overtones.

11.) Being a bad teammate- Being a bad teammate has differing consequences based on the sport. Barry Bonds was probably the worst teammate in the history of sports, but he produced on the field, albeit his production was steroid induced. In football, it's an issue, but there are enough other players on the field, and hopefully enough team leaders, to minimize the problem. Bad teammates are the most destructive forces as basketball players. Selfish gunners that only care about their own success, I'm looking at you Stephon, simply ruin teams.

10.) Getting a DUI- Athletes are forced to deal with a lot of stress. Alcohol is a good remedy. Just don't kill anyone on the road and I'm okay with it.

9.) Shooting yourself/Gun Charges- Thank you for this new one Plaxico Burress. As a Giants fan, I want Burress back. I knew he was a moron well before he shot himself. Remember when he got up and spiked the ball after catches with the Steelers two years in a row only to see the fumbles recovered by the opposing team? There are two issues with this though. Number one is health. This bullet wound better not slow him down. Number two is the gun charges. If you are a professional athlete and feel that you need a gun to protect yourself, why are you buying it on the black market? Get a gun license and buy one legally (I guess my advice is just a little late. Right Marshawn?).

8.) Drug Abuse- This was probably the most difficult offense to rank because drug abuse comes in varying degrees. I don't care if an athlete smokes weed. Hell, I'd estimate that 40 percent of the NBA tokes up in the off season. Need proof? One. Two. Three. Four. Five. That took about 10 seconds.

Drug abuse becomes a problem for me when the drug in question is more serious. The penalty under the law is in direct correlation with how egregious I find the act. Matt Jones, Jacksonville Jaguars Wide Receiver, is a cocaine dealer, but somehow got to play all year (probably because he's white). These offenses bother me as a fan because cocaine, heroine, etc. usually lead to jail time and that means the player on my team is never going to be the same.

7.) Performance enhancing drugs- I understand the 'everybody was doing it' argument and almost appreciate the desire to get better and help the team. In fact, a high school teacher of mine had a sign in her classroom that said, "There are no shortcuts on the road to success," that I found to be 100% wrong. Surely, there are plenty of shortcuts. Steroids, just like me copying someone else's homework, gets you to somewhere you want to be quicker. I'm not too big on the integrity of the game and all that nonsense. I also think that there are so many 'performance enhancing drugs' out there nowadays , like creatine for example, that weren't around when all these records were set. I generally don't see what the big deal is, but at the same time I recognize the ill effects of steroid use. Look no further than what happened with Chris Benoit.

6.) Dogfighting/Animal Cruelty- I won't be sending my PETA application in anytime soon, but my problem with this offense is that of the perpetrator's mind. The type of person that would do these sort of things for enjoyment is not the type of person that I want representing my team. I don't care how talented they are. They are no doubt, equally sick in the head.

5.) Murder- Murder is only at number 5? Yeah and I'll explain why. Murder for professional athletes should be very simple. If they want someone dead, all they have to do is hire someone else to do it without leaving a paper trail. Simple solution, paying the assassin in straight cash homey. I also understand that some guys might want to pull the trigger themselves. If so, all they have to do is take the person that has wronged them to a private location, kill them, and then have their cronies dispose of the body. A prerequisite for this personal execution is preparing a sound proof alibi with a number of witnesses. Murder is obviously pretty serious, but if it's the linebacker of my favorite team than I'm okay with it because that's the mindset that I want him to have.

4.) Shooting another person- This is much worse than murder, because it just shows that you are a pussy and can't get the job done. It also leaves much more of a chance for you to get caught because the victim does not die. My main man Marvin Harrison of the Indianapolis Colts, and formerly of the Syracuse Orangmen, was charged with this crime last year, but thankfully the charge was later dropped.

3.) Domestic Abuse- Athletes have come down on both sides of the issue. Former MLB pitcher Chuck Finley got beat by his wife whereas Jason Kidd beat his wife. As I've said numerous times, hitting girls is almost never acceptable, no matter how big of an irrational bitch they are being.

This might sound a bit contradictory as I all but defended Eric Devendorf for hitting a girl in my last post. 1.) Devo's haymaker doesn't count as domestic abuse because he is not married to that broad. 2.) His moral compass is so fucked up that I do not like him as a person, I just like him because of the name on the front of his jersey.

Hitting your wife, and mother of your children, is simply not acceptable. If I were the owner of a professional sports franchise, I would trade/release any athlete guilty of this offense.

2.) Disrespecting America- How someone could not appreciate the opportunities that this country has provided for them is beyond me. Josh Howard is dead to me. This especially pisses me off because there is no criminal penalty for this blatant disrespect. I don't know how Dallas Maverick fans sleep at night.

It also must be noted that some athletes have chosen to turn their back to the flag during the national anthem as a display of political disagreement. Former Toronto Blue Jay Carlos Delgado once chose this method of political discourse to show his opposition to the war in Iraq. As an American citizen you are entitled to your opinion and can express political dissent. I'm fine with that, but never, and I mean never turn your back on the American flag.

1.) Rape- Before anyone even thinks of it, let me again reiterate that Kobe Bryant had consensual sex with that blond in Colorado. She cried wolf simply to make some cash, which we did receive by way of a settlement. Rape is the most heinous, disgusting crime out there. There is no silver lining. In fact there's not even any shades of gray. Rape is all black. Convicted rapists should not be allowed to play professional sports.

What? Do you hate America?

In case you haven't heard, one of America's greatest athletes just pulled a Benedict Arnold. Let me first say that I am in no way just another A-Rod basher. I have always been a staunch supporter of the man that I consider to be one of, if not the, most talented right handed hitters of all time (I'd rather have Manny in the clutch, wouldn't you?). Sure people might write him off because he played in the 'steroids era', which also included tightly wound baseballs and smaller parks, but I would argue that it is now harder than ever to be a consistent dominant offensive player. Think about it. Pitchers are now more skilled, scouting (how to get hitters out) is as good as it's ever been, and don't think for a second that these pitchers were free from the abuse of steroids. Even before the whole Brian McNamee situation, all the telltale signs were there with Clemens. He dominated in his 20s and early 30s, fell off (as it usually happens with age), but then 're-gained' his dominance. In the offseason he would juice beyond belief, then wait until mid way through the year to pick a team to join (aka wait until the steroids got out of his system). But, back to A-Rod. Not only is he a force to be reckoned with at the plate, but he is also a fantastic fielder. To put things in perspective, Jeter only won a gold glove (which he should never have won) when A-Rod moved to 3rd base and Omar Vizquel moved to the National League.



Having said that I have not always agreed with A-Rod's personal choices. For example, he connived his way out of Texas, he essentially stole the spotlight away from the Red Sox by opting out of his contract during the 7th inning of game 4 of the '07 World Series (the deciding game in the series), and how could I agree with his choice to start railing Madonna over his much hotter wife? Through all of his annoying politically correct interviews, his bush league slapping during game 6 of the '04 ALCS, and his absolute stupidity of bringing the stripper through the front door of the hotel in Toronto (everyone knows for safety reasons you take strippers through the back door- heyyyo), I have respected his talent and still liked him as a player. I was an A-Rod fan, even though he sold his soul to the devil to play for the Yankees, who I hate more than any other team or organization this side of the NAACP. I thought that the evil empire, the 'harsh New York media', and the majority of the Yankee fan base were treating him unfairly. A-Rod getting booed by Yankee fans during his so-called down year ('06) of .290/35/121 was the equivalent of draft dodging hippies booing veterans returning from Vietnam. I had A-Rod's back. I wasted countless hours arguing with unruly Yankee fans about his brilliance. That was until now. This decision of A-Rod's is fit only for Judas Iscariot (Yeah I know Judas' last name. I went to Catholic school all my life).




A-Rod crossed the one boundary that is unforgivable in my evaluation as a fan and that is disrespecting America. He flirted with the idea of playing for the Dominican Republic before the first World Baseball Classic because that is where his family was originally from, but decided on wearing the stars and stripes because, well how should I put this? 1.) We are the greatest country in the world and 2.) He was born in New York City! Evidently in just two years he has forgotten who gave him a chance at a life of freedom and prosperity. A-Rod has forgotten who lets him earn 27.5 million dollars a year and affords him the opportunity to go sneak into Maddonna's town house for a little late night action. A-Rod can pretty much thank his entire life to good ole Uncle Sam yet he turns his back when America needs him to help reclaim our national pastime. Instead he chooses to go dance around with Jose Reyes, yell with Miguel Tejada, and hug David Ortiz (maybe he is jealous of his lumber?). His absurd amount of talent and ability had been blinding me of what a piece of shit he really is, but this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Someone needs to sit him down and force him to watch the HBO sports documentary "Do You Believe In Miracles". If he doesn't immediately tear up and change his mind then the Yankees (a nickname that is as American as apple pie) should send him down to the Dominican Republic for good. If he feels any sort of national pride for them, and clearly he does, then he should be forced to play in whatever Dominican Baseball league there is. And then once the likes of Madonna, Nike endorsements, and personal nutritionists don't follow him down there he will come back crying, regretting the day he crossed Uncle Sam.




This rant was written by John in Chicago, a friend of the blog and a true red blooded American, and it was edited by yours truly (I think you'll notice many of my edits).