Year in Review

2008, like every other year in recent memory, isn't going quietly. Everywhere I look I see lists, countdowns, top 10s, montages, etc. This makes sense because what better time than the end of the year to construct such a compilation? Despite their pervasiveness, I don't mind them at all. I'm under the impression that the majority of Americans thoroughly enjoys these kind of things. You'd be lying if you said you haven't been sucked into watching VH1's Top Songs of the '90s (60-41). I'm not above this phenomenon; however I naturally have to add my own little flair to it. Therefore, I present to you, the best things that happened to me in 2008, by month.

January

The New York Football Giants Superbowl run



First and foremost, I'm well aware that the Giants won the Superbowl in February. As emotionally satisfying as beating the undefeated Patriots was in the Superbowl, would it have been as great without the three road wins in the NFC playoffs that got them there? Well, yeah probably, but for the sake of argument, it would be like fast forwarding right to the 3:19 mark of "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. The Giants went to Tampa and won on January 6th, then went to Dallas and won on January 14, and then went to Green Bay and won on January 21st. The unimaginable ride then continued into February where the Giants took down the PATS in Arizona.

In the week leading up the big game, Giants wide reciever Plaxico Burress predicted that the Giants would win the game 23-17. Upon hearing this, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady scoffed at the notion of his team scoring only 17 points. Well, they only scored 14 (Final score was 17-14). To make things even better, the unsung hero of the game was none other than Syracuse University grad David Tyree. Tyree, who most people forget caught the first touchdown pass, was on the tail end of what is, without question (at least there shouldn't be any), the greatest play in Superbowl history.

February

Watching the Knicks blow a game in the world's most famous arena



In early February of 2008, I went to a Knicks game with my unnamed cousin, his girlfriend, and her roommate. The roommate of my unnamed cousin's girlfriend got us the tickets through her dad. On the way down to the city for the game she called and asked if she could use his credit card for food, drinks, etc and he gave her the go ahead. If that wasn't enough, we walked into Madison Square Garden and they handed us free Knicks t-shirts. Yahtzee.

Now as you should know, the Knicks were having another terrible season under Isiah Thomas and we did not expect them to even hang around with the much more talented Spurs. Much to our surprise, the Knickerbockers played pretty well and were leading by 9 late in the 4th quarter. At this point, it was suggested that we leave in order to make a train back to school, otherwise we'd have to wait an additional hour. Now being a Knick fan, I knew that no lead was safe, but agreed to start heading towards the exits because I did not pay for a thing all night. By the time we got to the walkway (a span of no more than 30 seconds) the Spurs had made two 3-pointers and had cut the lead to only three. With the game tightening, we decided to hang on a little while longer. With 8 seconds to play the Knicks still led by three, but sure enough Michael Finley made a 3-pointer as time expired to send the game into overtime. The Spurs then scored the first seven points of overtime and won the game easily.

A few days later, my unnamed cousin sent an email to the father of his girlfriend's roommate to thank him for the Knicks tickets. He was very formal in his thank you thanks to some wonderful suggestions of rhetoric by yours truly. Hours later he got an email back that said, "STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER"

March

My 22nd birthday


this picture is not from my birthday, nor is it from March

I had a lot of options to choose from in March. Spring Break, St. Patrick's day, and March Madness all would have been worthy choices, but I chose my birthday because a lot of things that happened on Spring Break I am sworn to secrecy never to repeat, I'm only half Irish where as I am 100 percent me, and Syracuse was once again left out of the big dance.

My 22nd birthday was on a Friday and one of my closest friends from home was there to aid in the celebration so we started off at a local bar for happy hour. This was the beginning of a little tradition as we went to the same bar for happy hour most Fridays for the rest of the school year. After happy hour I went to a friend's house and did not get low. On our way back to my house for somewhat of a Spring Break reunion of sorts, we stopped at a liquor store to get a bottle of Level, which was our drink of choice on Spring Break. My buddy searched the store while I stood in the center like a stone(d) statue trying not to break anything. He couldn't find any Level so he asked the store's owner if he had any in stock. He had only one huge bottle that was in a box also containing 4 glasses and he had been trying to get rid of it for a while. It was originally $54 dollars, but he sold it to us for $46. Considering our state of minds and our insistence on getting Level, we probably would have bought it for $146. The only problem was that it was on top of a refrigerator in the corner of the store that I was closest to. Somehow, someway I was able to get the box off of the fridge and onto the counter without breaking anything. I then carried the box into my house like it was the Stanley Cup and we proceeded to polish it off before going out.

April

Winning the Men's A and Co-Ed A Intramural Softball Championships



Intramural softball was the most fun of all the intramurals offered in college. Our men's and co-ed teams ran through the regular seasons and earned the top seed in each of the tournaments. Now of course both teams were stacked with former college baseball and softball players. The men's team survived a first round scare before rolling to the finals. The co-ed team just rolled. On a Sunday late in April, both the co-ed championship and games 1 and 2 of the men's finals (best of three series) were held. The day before the games, Glancy had the presence of mind to suggest that we buy champagne to celebrate our impending victories. Liquor laws in the state of Connecticut prevented us from purchasing those 12 bottles before the games on Sunday.

Despite a desperate ploy by the opposing team to nullify our co-ed offense (they intentionally walked our two best hitters every time they came to the plate), our team, named The Shampoo Effect by the way, cruised to victory. We all shared a bottle of champagne (all of the guys still had to play in the men's games which followed right after) and were awarded with our championship t-shirts.

The men's team, clad in matching uniforms and personalized entrance music, also had no problems. Before each game I would make a CD that including each player's selection of an entrance song as well as songs to play during warmups and inbetween innings. Our female friends would then play the appropriate song for each batter as the game progressed. In case you were wondering, and I know you were, my entrance song was "The Heat is On" by Glenn Frey (think from the 15 to the 25 sec mark). We swept the series and celebrated on the field, each with a bottle of champagne in our hands. In the parking lot afterwards, I took one last swig of my bottle and was promptly written up by a public safety officer (have no fear, I got off without having to pay a fine).

May

My college graduation



All throughout second semester, we were calling this day (May 18th) 'doomsday' because it meant the end of our run as college undergrads. Our lives, as we knew them, would never be the same. We were about to be ripped away from the place that we had called home for the past four years. It never really dawned on me how big of an occasion graduating from college is until I donned the cap and gown myself.

The day itself sucked. We all went out the night before (collllegge) and had to wake up at the crack of dawn to be on campus for 8 a.m. Then we were forced to sit and listen to people we hardly, if ever, came across during our time in college give us advice about 'the real world'. Our speaker was our own university president, who would have given a speech even if we shelled out the big bucks to get someone noteworthy.

Then we all had parties with our friends and family before going out one last time as a class. Lots of people had to move out of their houses the next day so we partied hard. It was fun, but also sad because of everyone leaving the next day.

June

St. Vincent's Golf Tournament



This was the second year in a row that my brothers and I played in our church's golf tournament together. I use the word 'church' loosely because I can't tell you the last time that any of us went there without our parents (Christmas/Easter). Our dad has played in this tournament for years and took it upon himself to sign us up back in '07 because all of us were going to be home for the first time in a while. Like most golf tournaments, it's an excuse for us to knock the little white ball around and throw back some suds. Back in '07 my brothers almost didn't let me shoot anymore because I was so inebriated that my shots were seemingly going backwards. Somehow we still shot -7. We were also yelled at by the club pro because we brought our own beer, which was in violation of the first rule of the course. This year we figured we would do better because we had all gotten better over the year, but we were all miserable and shot only -1.

July

Sandy Island



Let me just first say that July 4th is a very close second. Nothing like drinking PBR's and playing horseshoes on my front lawn with my brothers. It literally looks like we are from Alabama. That being said, every year of my life I have gone to a place called Sandy Island on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire for a week late in July. I wear a wristband on my left wrist as a constant reminder of this beautiful place. It allows me to think about vacation every day of the year. While on my vacation from nothing, I drank brew dads overlooking a lake, played a round of golf, played in a softball game, and spent some time with my extended family.

August

And the Oscar goes to...



August was somewhat of a slow month for me so I took it upon myself to start 'training' for the World Series of Pop Culture, which apparently doesn't take place anymore. At the time I was working for a minor league baseball team, which meant that I worked from about 5-10 every night the team was in town. This left my days open and I tried to make the most of them. I decided to watch every movie that has been nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars in my lifetime. I had seen a bunch, had been meaning to see a lot, and had never heard of some of the others.

An excursion like this forced (not really) me to watch a lot of movies that I would otherwise never have thought to see. I can't call them bad movies because The Academy obviously thought they were one of the five best movies of the year in which they came out. I can't tell you how many Hugh Grant movies I ended up watching. Here are some titles of the kind of movies that I'm talking about. Sense and Sensibility, The Piano, Ghost, Out of Africa, Erin Brokovich, etc. There were movies on the list that I kept putting off because I didn't want to put myself through them. Brokeback Mountain, for example, and Titanic (which actually wasn't terrible).

With the bad also came the good. Of the movies on the list (yes I wrote them all down) that I hadn't seen, these were some of my favorites. Finding Neverland, As Good as It Gets, Four Wedding and a Funeral (a very good Hugh Grant film), Scent of a Woman, etc.

To date I have seen 95 of the 115 movies that have been nominated in my lifetime. Of the 20 that I have not seen, one is from the 00's, nine are from the 90's, and 10 are from the 80's.

September

These are my people



September was the first month of my life that I was working 9-5 in the "real world" and it gave me a better appreciation for the weekends. My memories are naturally a bit vague, but I remember a lot of tailgating, going out, and waking up only to start drinking again (the shampoo effect). September was also the beginning of the football season, which also meant the start of the fantasy football season. As we all know, football is now America's pastime. Baseball has passed the torch because, quite simply, it's past its time.

October

The Shampoo Effect


A few weeks after my friend Mike suggested it, I finally caved and started this blog. This blog has both been a blessing and a curse. For starters, it has given me an outlet to express my strong opinions. Also, I recognize that I am the type of person that needs occasional reassurement from my friends and this blog provides that from time to time. The downside is maintenance. Sometimes I just don't have the time or creative intuition to post anything new and I feel like I am, in some way, letting people down.

November

Powder's Party



Well since I just ruled in favor of my blog over Alumni Weekend at the U, I think it's only fair that I choose a party filled with college friends that happened two weeks later. My buddy Pete had a party at his house in Larchmont, which is right outside NYC, for his 22nd birthday on a Friday. Now Larchmont is a good four hours from my house in Syracuse and as I said earlier, I was working from 9-5. I literally made the decision to go the night before, took off from work 15 minutes early, and I was on my way.

Now Pete is one of a handful of people in the world that I would drive four hours to see if they were hosting a party. I mean somebody's gotta kill the kegs, right? No in all seriousness, it was a good time partying with my college friends that I had seen two weeks prior. The next morning I got back in the car, drove four hours home and partied with my friends from home. All in all, it was a great weekend.

December

Starting my career



After waiting for months, I was finally brought on board by the worldwide leader. It was an awkward time to get officially hired with the holidays and all, but it has been good so far. I was able to go home for Christmas, which was good, but now I am slowly going through Syracuse withdrawl. What makes it tougher is that Syracuse University's men's basketball team is awesome and I wish I could watch them take on the brunt of the Big East live in the Loud House.

Jobs in Sports

A lot of times while watching a sporting event or discussing the world of sports with friends people claim that they can do an equal or better job than a coach, GM, referee, etc. For example, last night a friend of mine said that he could do the job that Yankees GM Brian Cashman has done so far this off season because essentially all Cashman has done is offer the most money to all the top free agents. More often than not this sort of rhetoric is directed at coaches. Everyone thinks that they are a prolific play caller because of their success against the computer in Madden. They get mad when their team doesn't make it on a 3rd and 1 and automatically proclaim themselves a better play caller than the offensive coordinator. Fans get mad at baseball managers for lots of decisions that they think they would be better at making like leaving pitchers in too long.

That being said, there are two jobs in professional sports that I am 100% confident that I could be given the reigns to right now and the subsequent teams and league would not suffer at all.

1.) NFL Replay Official



This might be the easiest job in sports. Only about 2-3 plays get reviewed every game. All you have to do is watch the replay from a number of different angles and decide whether or not the call on the field was accurate. You should literally never be wrong. People think it's a tough job because sometimes it's hard to tell what happened. But if you are unsure at all, you just say that there is no conclusive evidence and stick with the call made on the field. It's essentially a get out of jail free card, but some replay officials get too locked into interpreting what happened (without actually seeing it) just so they can make a decision. Some of the calls this year have been badd and I know that I could do an equal or better job right now.

2.) Boston Celtics Head Coach



Doc Rivers is a joke. In his tenure as the Celtics coach they had gotten progressively worse each year (win total dropped 12 games from year 1 to year 2 and 9 more from year 2 to year 3) until last year's title run. People in Boston were calling for his head because he is not a good coach, but now that they have 3 superstars and won a title, those same fans think he is great. He is irrelevant to their current success. Doc knows more about basketball than I do and because of that the Celtics might win 1 more game a year with him at the helm as opposed to me. Coaching this team is very simple. You don't need to be a doctor to figure it out. Constantly remind them how hard it is to repeat and that they have a bulls eye on their backs. Encourage tough defense. Offensively, get the ball to Garnett in the post, have Rondo drive and dish, have Paul Pierce slash, let Ray Allen shoot threes, and only let Perkins touch the ball if it's an offensive rebound. Oh, and put Scalabrine in when up 20.




These were the only two that I could think of off the top of my head. Any other suggestions? I'm sure there's plenty more.

The Female problem with Fantasy Football

Week 16 in the NFL concludes tonight in Chicago and with that wives and girlfriends everywhere will be rejoicing knowing that it also means the end of the fantasy football season. From mid August to late December men waste countless hours 'managing' their fantasy teams. They look at matchups, filter stats, read what the experts think, try to trade players, and make decisions about who they should play on gameday. I don't mean to undermine the draft, but I feel like I could write an entire blog entry about the preparations and strategies that go into that.

Women, for the life of them, can't figure out this obsession. They don't understand what would possess someone to become so attached to a team that doesn't actually exist. I think their overarching problem hinges on the word 'fantasy'. Their exclusion from this cyber world of fantasy football is a bit troubling for them. In a perfect world, they want all things that have to do with their man and the word 'fantasy' to involve them. When you think about it, it's a shame that we didn't stick with 'rotisserie' because women would not find that nearly as objectionable.

Women see this attachment to fantasy football and deep down wish that the time spent 'managing' a fantasy team's problems was instead devoted to them and their problems. Women are so protective of their men that they see fantasy football as a threat. In essence, men are 'cheating' on their wives and girlfriends with fantasy football. This notion was captured beautifully in the movie Knocked Up, in which Paul Rudd's character was suspected of cheating on his wife, played by Leslie Mann (fun fact- in real life she is married to Judd Apatow and the kids in the movie are theirs). Leslie Mann's character then tracks him down only to find out that he was partaking in a fantasy baseball draft (he got Matsui) and that he sometimes goes to movies by himself.

Now that I have laid out the actual reasons that women dislike fantasy football, I must warn you that no woman in their right mind would ever admit it. If asked their thoughts on fantasy football, women would largely say, "I just think it's dumb and pointless. I don't get why men waste so much time with it," and most of them would truly believe that those were their feelings in regards to it. However, I stand by my Freud like analysis because 1.) I think it's accurate and 2.) I've been trying to get a female to post a comment on this blog for a while and I think this might do the trick. Women's feelings on fantasy football are in accordance with men's feelings about shopping. If asked their thoughts on shopping, men would largely say, "I think it's dumb." (Obviously men are more succinct in their thought process). Just like every little girls dream is to one day be a model or fashion designer, every little boy dreams of one day being the GM or owner of a professional sports franchise.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Plenty of women have come to the dark side and play in fantasy football leagues with their husbands, boyfriends, or co-workers. These women are what we fantasy guys like to call 'keepers'. Although I wish it wasn't true, there are both sides to the coin on this one as well. Some straight men enjoy shopping, doing the dishes, and baking. Case in point...

Top 5 SportsCenter Commercials

First of all, I apologize for the week hiatus, but as many of you know, I have been going through a little bit of a transition in my young career. In order to appease my readers (the five of you that still check this site everyday) I looked at what my buddy Frank in Syracuse has recently written to try to get some sort of material on here. Frank's work has been featured on this blog before; however after reading one of his recent posts, I felt like I could improve upon it. So here are my "Top 5 'This is SportsCenter' commercials."

1.) Rookie Camp


You gotta raise it up

I think what makes this commercial great, aside from Kenny Mayne, is that they picked two of the most arrogant athletes of our generation. For those of you that have forgotten, Keyshawn was the trendsetter to what Stephon Marbury is doing now and if getting paid to stay away from a team and not play doesn't speak enough for his arrogance, I think this might. Kobe's arrogance is a part of his brilliance. Most people associate his arrogance with driving Shaq out of LA and choosing a number that is one digit higher than Michael Jordan's (Kobe wore 24 in highschool. Don't read too much into things). The epitome of his arrogance; however is his relationship, if you could even call it that, with Raja Bell, formerly of the Phoenix Suns. Bell is well known for his defensive prowess and has had some memorable showdowns with Kobe. This video sums it up. Bell, as you should have heard in the video if you click on these links, once called out Kobe's arrogance to which Kobe responded by saying.

"Does he know me? Do I know this guy? I don't know this guy. I might have said one word to this guy. I don't know this kid ... I don't need to know this kid. I don't want to… Maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a kid."

Of course, this commerical now has personal resonance for me because I just completed my own stay in "Rookie Camp."

2.) New Kid



This commerical almost served as a social commentary about highly touted prep basketball players going straight from highschool to the NBA. Every kid in America had dreams of being a SportsCenter anchor and "The Kid" was a pretty accurate representation of what would happen if someone that young was given such an opportunity. I mean, let's be honest, Jimmy Key was riding out his career worse than Julio Franco.

3.) American Cheese


Yeah that's right

For those of you that read Frank's post, and I'll assume that's none of you, he got this one right. Not only do I always request American cheese, but I even ask to get my French Toast Americanized because we don't throw in the white towel like those scrumpet eating Frogs. As embarassing as it is to be a Frenchie, imagine being from a place that used to be a French colony. Canada's only saving grace is the wonderful franchise that is the Toronto Bluejays. Our neighbors to the north do nothing of global relevance and that's not the only thing we blame them for.

4.) Parking Spot



Anyone that's listened to Scott Van Pelt knows that parking at ESPN is very difficult. This commercial is perhaps the most creative of the 'This is Sportscenter' brand. Although Danica has a legititmate gripe in the commercial because of her name, she, as a woman, shouldn't be driving in the first place. Which reminds me of this classic test question.



5.) Captain America



This commericial blends two of the things that I hold near and dear to my heart; Syracuse University's 2003 NCAA Men's National Championship and America. I loved the fact that Carmelo was a captain on Team USA. Along the same lines, The Sports Edge guys once debated which superheroes they would have in their starting five of a basketball team. The only unanimous decision was that Captain America would be the player/coach.

My superhero starting five was
PG- The Flash
SG- Captain America
SF- Superman
PF- The Hulk
C- Mr. Fantastic (of the Fantastic Four that can stretch his body into incredible lengths)

Long John

John Daly is overweight, has a drinking problem, has a bad temper, makes poor decisions, and lacks the focus and determination to maximize his extraordinary talent as a golfer (He did win the PGA championship in 1991). That's what the media has to say. Because Daly is a 42-year-old man. They are required to look at him as a waste of talent because that is their job.



It should come as no surprise then to learn that Daly is somewhat of a cult legend among college males. Think about it. Sure he's fat, but he likes to party, has an alcohol problem, a gambling problem, chain smokes, doesn't take shit from anybody, makes awful decisions that are hilarious, and oh by the way- he's an awesome golfer. He is what every college male aspires to be.

To take that thought one step further. He crushes the ball of the tee, his on course antics are frowned upon by the tour, and he loves boobs. He is the real life version of Happy Gilmore (the one that knows how to putt).



In case you missed it, Daly got so drunk at a Hooters in Winston-Salem, that he passed out on the ground outside. Paramedics showed up and Daly refused to go to the hospital. In fact he was pissed that the paramedics were even called.

"The bus driver called 911 because my eyes were open,'' Daly said. "I said, 'What's going on?' He said, 'We thought you were dead.' Anybody who knows me ... when I'm tired, I sleep with my eyes open. They know it takes awhile to wake me up.''

Let me just say that seeing someone asleep with their eyes open is freaky. Throw in that he's hammered and fat, and I'm probably calling the paramedics too.

To quote my buddy Zanz (who said it about Daryl Strawberry), "This man can do no wrong in my eyes. And he's done a lot of wrong in his life."

He is literally like a trainwreck. I want to look away, but I just can't.


No shirt, No shoes, and somebody is going to service him

Whenever I'm hitting my driver off the tee in golf I use a tall tee. Never did I think about using a tall boy.




Thanks to John in Ossining, NY for the creative influence.

What? Do you hate America?

In case you haven't heard, one of America's greatest athletes just pulled a Benedict Arnold. Let me first say that I am in no way just another A-Rod basher. I have always been a staunch supporter of the man that I consider to be one of, if not the, most talented right handed hitters of all time (I'd rather have Manny in the clutch, wouldn't you?). Sure people might write him off because he played in the 'steroids era', which also included tightly wound baseballs and smaller parks, but I would argue that it is now harder than ever to be a consistent dominant offensive player. Think about it. Pitchers are now more skilled, scouting (how to get hitters out) is as good as it's ever been, and don't think for a second that these pitchers were free from the abuse of steroids. Even before the whole Brian McNamee situation, all the telltale signs were there with Clemens. He dominated in his 20s and early 30s, fell off (as it usually happens with age), but then 're-gained' his dominance. In the offseason he would juice beyond belief, then wait until mid way through the year to pick a team to join (aka wait until the steroids got out of his system). But, back to A-Rod. Not only is he a force to be reckoned with at the plate, but he is also a fantastic fielder. To put things in perspective, Jeter only won a gold glove (which he should never have won) when A-Rod moved to 3rd base and Omar Vizquel moved to the National League.



Having said that I have not always agreed with A-Rod's personal choices. For example, he connived his way out of Texas, he essentially stole the spotlight away from the Red Sox by opting out of his contract during the 7th inning of game 4 of the '07 World Series (the deciding game in the series), and how could I agree with his choice to start railing Madonna over his much hotter wife? Through all of his annoying politically correct interviews, his bush league slapping during game 6 of the '04 ALCS, and his absolute stupidity of bringing the stripper through the front door of the hotel in Toronto (everyone knows for safety reasons you take strippers through the back door- heyyyo), I have respected his talent and still liked him as a player. I was an A-Rod fan, even though he sold his soul to the devil to play for the Yankees, who I hate more than any other team or organization this side of the NAACP. I thought that the evil empire, the 'harsh New York media', and the majority of the Yankee fan base were treating him unfairly. A-Rod getting booed by Yankee fans during his so-called down year ('06) of .290/35/121 was the equivalent of draft dodging hippies booing veterans returning from Vietnam. I had A-Rod's back. I wasted countless hours arguing with unruly Yankee fans about his brilliance. That was until now. This decision of A-Rod's is fit only for Judas Iscariot (Yeah I know Judas' last name. I went to Catholic school all my life).




A-Rod crossed the one boundary that is unforgivable in my evaluation as a fan and that is disrespecting America. He flirted with the idea of playing for the Dominican Republic before the first World Baseball Classic because that is where his family was originally from, but decided on wearing the stars and stripes because, well how should I put this? 1.) We are the greatest country in the world and 2.) He was born in New York City! Evidently in just two years he has forgotten who gave him a chance at a life of freedom and prosperity. A-Rod has forgotten who lets him earn 27.5 million dollars a year and affords him the opportunity to go sneak into Maddonna's town house for a little late night action. A-Rod can pretty much thank his entire life to good ole Uncle Sam yet he turns his back when America needs him to help reclaim our national pastime. Instead he chooses to go dance around with Jose Reyes, yell with Miguel Tejada, and hug David Ortiz (maybe he is jealous of his lumber?). His absurd amount of talent and ability had been blinding me of what a piece of shit he really is, but this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Someone needs to sit him down and force him to watch the HBO sports documentary "Do You Believe In Miracles". If he doesn't immediately tear up and change his mind then the Yankees (a nickname that is as American as apple pie) should send him down to the Dominican Republic for good. If he feels any sort of national pride for them, and clearly he does, then he should be forced to play in whatever Dominican Baseball league there is. And then once the likes of Madonna, Nike endorsements, and personal nutritionists don't follow him down there he will come back crying, regretting the day he crossed Uncle Sam.




This rant was written by John in Chicago, a friend of the blog and a true red blooded American, and it was edited by yours truly (I think you'll notice many of my edits).

The three chicks I'd marry tomorrow

How many times have you been watching a movie and just completely fallen for one of the characters? Please don't act like you are free from this affliction. Female movie characters are so idealized because in more cases than not, only the best aspects of their personalities are portrayed. Most of us guys know that deep down, every woman has a crazy, psychotic bitch in them that usually comes out (well aside from the obvious once a month) right before a big trip, whenever cleaning is involved, and when you least expect it. The female movie characters that we fall in love with are not real because, well for starters, they are all gorgeous Hollywood celebrities. Women this attractive and this cool cease to exist in the real world, but somehow, because of how they are presented in movies, we still have hope that they do.

Which brings us to the top 3 female movie characters that I have fallen head over heels for. No real surprise here, but two of them are from bonafide chick flicks.

1.) Andie Anderson (played by Kate Hudson) in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)



I mean, if that dress doesn't say it all, then I don't know what does. Normally guys aren't overly impressed by a dress because if a girl is good looking then she's usually going to look good in a dress. The first time I saw this movie (yes that implies that I've seen it more than once) I was completely blown away. Andie Anderson is the total package, which of course means that she could get my entire package all day every day. Obviously I dig that she's a writer, goes to Knick's games, and did I mention that she's a smokeshow? She's so hot that she does all of these annoying things throughout the movie and it doesn't even matter. She's so hot that she made a guy's name hot.

I do have one gripe, but it's not with Andie, or the movie for that matter. It's just that in the movie they sing their own version of the song "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon. Now the lyrics, "You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you. Don't you? You're so vain," are repeated throughout the song. Everytime I hear the song, I want to say- Hey Carly, by addressing this unnamed man as 'You', you have made the song about him, yet somehow you are calling him vain for thinking (accurately mind you) that... it is about him.

2.) Claire Cleary (played by Rachel McAdams) in Wedding Crashers (2005)



Now this movie is most known for its humor and everytime I watch it I pick up on yet another line that your average college aged kid uses in regular conversation. It's literally a gold mine. While the humor was the initial draw, everytime that I have seen it since, I have been all about the love. It's sweet, sappy, and corny (ironically all words I could use to describe poop), but this scene gets me every time.



Claire is literally everything a guy could want. She's quick on her feet, funny, pretty (phenomenal smile), smart, has Christopher Walken as her father, and loves to play the slaps game. Girls, please take notice that she is rather pale- yet still widely adored. You don't have to tan 8 times a week to impress men.

3.) April Hoffman (played by Isla Fisher) in Definitely, Maybe (2008)



Yes, she's the girl that Vince Vaughn marries in Wedding Crashers, but in this movie she plays one of Ryan Reynolds' love interests. Because I'll assume that most of you haven't seen it, here's the trailer (no way I would ever embed that) . I saw it with my sisters on Thanksgiving. It has chick flick written all over it. It even has a textbook chick flick title. It fits in perfectly with Love Actually, Serendipity, and P.S. I Love You. But in my defense, everything is closed on Thanksgiving and I think Ryan Reynolds is hysterical. Speaking of Ryan Reynolds, here is a bonus chick from a movie that I'm in love with. Tara Reid in Van Wilder.



Okay, so now that my heterosexuality is semi-restored, back to April. She's a smoking hot red head that plays a girl that pretends to be bad ass, but deep down is a complete softy. I think I might actually be more into the actress herself because in every movie I have seen she has spoken without her natural voice. She was raised in Australia and has an English accent and pretty much any accent is hot.

If I had to pick one of the three, I think I'd have to go with Claire (McAdams).



I don't know what's going on with me lately. I'm writing about Ben Affleck and chick flicks. Somebody better send me an article about red meat and beer pronto.