The Female problem with Fantasy Football

Week 16 in the NFL concludes tonight in Chicago and with that wives and girlfriends everywhere will be rejoicing knowing that it also means the end of the fantasy football season. From mid August to late December men waste countless hours 'managing' their fantasy teams. They look at matchups, filter stats, read what the experts think, try to trade players, and make decisions about who they should play on gameday. I don't mean to undermine the draft, but I feel like I could write an entire blog entry about the preparations and strategies that go into that.

Women, for the life of them, can't figure out this obsession. They don't understand what would possess someone to become so attached to a team that doesn't actually exist. I think their overarching problem hinges on the word 'fantasy'. Their exclusion from this cyber world of fantasy football is a bit troubling for them. In a perfect world, they want all things that have to do with their man and the word 'fantasy' to involve them. When you think about it, it's a shame that we didn't stick with 'rotisserie' because women would not find that nearly as objectionable.

Women see this attachment to fantasy football and deep down wish that the time spent 'managing' a fantasy team's problems was instead devoted to them and their problems. Women are so protective of their men that they see fantasy football as a threat. In essence, men are 'cheating' on their wives and girlfriends with fantasy football. This notion was captured beautifully in the movie Knocked Up, in which Paul Rudd's character was suspected of cheating on his wife, played by Leslie Mann (fun fact- in real life she is married to Judd Apatow and the kids in the movie are theirs). Leslie Mann's character then tracks him down only to find out that he was partaking in a fantasy baseball draft (he got Matsui) and that he sometimes goes to movies by himself.

Now that I have laid out the actual reasons that women dislike fantasy football, I must warn you that no woman in their right mind would ever admit it. If asked their thoughts on fantasy football, women would largely say, "I just think it's dumb and pointless. I don't get why men waste so much time with it," and most of them would truly believe that those were their feelings in regards to it. However, I stand by my Freud like analysis because 1.) I think it's accurate and 2.) I've been trying to get a female to post a comment on this blog for a while and I think this might do the trick. Women's feelings on fantasy football are in accordance with men's feelings about shopping. If asked their thoughts on shopping, men would largely say, "I think it's dumb." (Obviously men are more succinct in their thought process). Just like every little girls dream is to one day be a model or fashion designer, every little boy dreams of one day being the GM or owner of a professional sports franchise.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Plenty of women have come to the dark side and play in fantasy football leagues with their husbands, boyfriends, or co-workers. These women are what we fantasy guys like to call 'keepers'. Although I wish it wasn't true, there are both sides to the coin on this one as well. Some straight men enjoy shopping, doing the dishes, and baking. Case in point...