I promised myself I wouldn't write a blog post about the superbowl and this is not a violation of that promise. I am oversaturated with information concerning that game and could care less who wins. The game is almost irrelevant, especially this year, because the superbowl has become so much more than a football game. It has transformed into a nationwide party that oozes masculinity. Football, beer, meat, and laziness. If that's not a slice of Americana, I don't know what it is. As I previously stated, the football doesn't concern me all that much. The beer and laziness will undoubtedly happen, even though I have to work until about 6 that day. My current focus is the meat.
If you are hosting a superbowl party and want it to be a success, I have a recipe for you. Hell, even if you are watching the game by yourself, you are going to want this by your side. The recipe for this dish, named bacon explosion, has been sweeping the internet in the past few months. Honestly, could there be a better name for a dish? This is what I like to call a man's meal. As awesome as those pictures are, take a look at some of the quotes from this New York Times article (also has delicious pictures) about the dish.
“It’s a variation of what’s called a fattie in the barbecue community,” Mr. Day said. “But we took it to the extreme.”
-BBQAddicts.com
“You need to call 911 after you are done. It was awesome.”
- a barbeque hobbyist
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
This is like discovering plutonium, by accident
Seinfeld has truly stood the test of time. It's been almost 11 years since the finale aired, yet so many lines, scenes, and situations from the show are still ingrained into our daily vocabulary. The infiltration is so pervasive that I think that a Seinfeld scene is applicable to something that is happening to me at least once a day. The show appeals to almost all age groups and through syndication has influenced roughly three generations. The only problem with such a large following is that it is nearly impossible to select any sort of compilation titled "The best of". For example, who is your favorite character? They all seem so interdependent that I can't decide. I know this has been tried before, but after years and years of viewing pleasure, I have narrowed my favorite scenes down to three. I purposely chose not to consult with any of my friends who love Seinfeld as much as I do because I would rather have them offer their suggestions after reading my personal selections. Without further ado, and in no particular order.
The Race
Oh the big race?
The banter between Jerry and George, who pretend they haven't seen each other in twenty years, in this scene is comedic genius. They each get a chance to (not so) subtly rip on one another. George making fun of Jerry's routine, Jerry making fun of George's follicle absence. George's tales of being a millionaire architect, his dream profession, as well as his highschool embellishments are uncanny and Jerry's "Well, you've really built yourself up into something" pun is gold. And yes, that's a Kenny Bania reference.
TCB
You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle
Thanks to Rocky I've always been a sucker for montages, and the subway montage in this clip is one of my favorites of all time. The fact that he has crackers in the briefcase and is eating them during the montage is just great.
My friend's dad is what I would call a business man. He owns a bunch of buildings, sells real estate, buys cars, fixes them up, etc. One of his workers has a brother who is not all there in the head, but he shows up from time to time to 'help out'. He is not on the payroll by any means. A year or two ago, my buddy was working for his dad and they had a meeting. After his dad said whatever he had to during the meeting, he opened up the floor for suggestions, etc. My buddy raised his hand and said, "I think we should let (the not all there brother) go." Literally on cue, about three of the other employees said, "But he doesn't even really work here," to which my buddy responded, "That's what makes this so difficult."
The Switch
Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
Everything that comes out of George's mouth in this scene is priceless.
Jerry- It's a perfect plan. So inspired, so devious, yet so simple
George- This is what I do
Apparently the roommate switch is next to impossible in the real world; however, I don't know if times are changing or what, but it was not that difficult in college. I know guys that ran through 4 out of 5 girls that lived in a house together and numerous girls that would hook up with guys behind their "best friend's" back. It was almost like girls were competitive amongst each other. Throw in the fact that girls change groups of friends every two weeks and the switch became a whole lot easier.
The Race
Oh the big race?
The banter between Jerry and George, who pretend they haven't seen each other in twenty years, in this scene is comedic genius. They each get a chance to (not so) subtly rip on one another. George making fun of Jerry's routine, Jerry making fun of George's follicle absence. George's tales of being a millionaire architect, his dream profession, as well as his highschool embellishments are uncanny and Jerry's "Well, you've really built yourself up into something" pun is gold. And yes, that's a Kenny Bania reference.
TCB
You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle
Thanks to Rocky I've always been a sucker for montages, and the subway montage in this clip is one of my favorites of all time. The fact that he has crackers in the briefcase and is eating them during the montage is just great.
My friend's dad is what I would call a business man. He owns a bunch of buildings, sells real estate, buys cars, fixes them up, etc. One of his workers has a brother who is not all there in the head, but he shows up from time to time to 'help out'. He is not on the payroll by any means. A year or two ago, my buddy was working for his dad and they had a meeting. After his dad said whatever he had to during the meeting, he opened up the floor for suggestions, etc. My buddy raised his hand and said, "I think we should let (the not all there brother) go." Literally on cue, about three of the other employees said, "But he doesn't even really work here," to which my buddy responded, "That's what makes this so difficult."
The Switch
Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
Everything that comes out of George's mouth in this scene is priceless.
Jerry- It's a perfect plan. So inspired, so devious, yet so simple
George- This is what I do
Apparently the roommate switch is next to impossible in the real world; however, I don't know if times are changing or what, but it was not that difficult in college. I know guys that ran through 4 out of 5 girls that lived in a house together and numerous girls that would hook up with guys behind their "best friend's" back. It was almost like girls were competitive amongst each other. Throw in the fact that girls change groups of friends every two weeks and the switch became a whole lot easier.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Fightin' Coloreds
There is an entire genre of comedy dedicated to racial differences, but you must walk a fine line if you choose that path (unless of course you are black). Now my biggest qualm with feminists is that they pick the wrong battles. They take the littlest situations and make a huge deal out of them. For example, Augusta National (a private club mind you) doesn't allow female members. I don't see what the big deal is. Private clubs can do whatever they want. Along the same lines, the PGA lets Michelle Wie play in a handful of tournaments, but no men are allowed to play in LPGA events. This bothers me because she prevents a man who works his ass off just so that he can qualify for tournaments from being able to see his hard work pay off. That being said, black people are exponentially worse than feminists. I wouldn't dare say the kinds of things about black people that I say about women. 1.) Because black people are sensitive beyond belief and 2.) all black people can beat me up.
Stephen Colbert is probably the best interviewer on the planet. His quick wit catches just about everyone he interviews off guard. While the above video is hilarious at times (some of it isn't that funny), is it not also racially insensitive? And the fact that he is saying these things to the president and CEO of the most sensitve organization of all time makes it that much edgier.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Quickfire Blog Entry
Last night on Top Chef, Radhika not only packed her knives and went home, but she also delivered one of the most contradictory comments of all time. Apparently Radhika is one of the very few that has no concept of the nature vs. nurture argument. She was sent home for her poor leadership skills and rightfully so. Just look at what she said:
"As far as being a natural born leader, I'm still learning."
"As far as being a natural born leader, I'm still learning."
And the winner is.....
As many of you know, I have become quite the movie aficionado of late. In fact, a buddy and I were talking about our desire to become critics solely so that we could get advanced copies of movies and TV shows. He insists that there is some sort of loophole to get on a mailing list, but even though I normally always advocate the existence of loopholes I don't think this one is very feasible.
I bring up this notion because the Academy Award (Oscars) nominations were unveiled this morning at 8:30. I'm sure that you have come across them while browsing the 100 sites you check before this one, but I will give my two cents nonetheless.
Best Picture
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- This David Fincher directed film garnered the most nominations (13) today and I'm sure not too many people are surprised. This movie definitely lives up to the bill because it is very well done. The only downsides are that it is rather lengthy (166 minutes) and very sad. Now the fact that it is sad should have no bearing on whether or not it wins because some of my favorite movies are sad (Mystic River for example). This movie showed me that Brad Pitt could play a serious role well and that I did not hate Cate Blanchett as much as I thought I did. I literally wanted to knock her out in The Aviator. This film is probably the favorite to win the big one, but it's not the movie that I'll be pulling for next month.
Frost/Nixon- I haven't seen it yet, but I've heard and read plenty about this film. The man that wrote the screenplay, Peter Morgan, did everything that he could to make sure that it didn't turn into a film. Well that's where Ron Howard came in. He took on the project and stretched the facts to sensationalize the audience. In an era when political films have been floundering, this one succeeded. Not for nothing, that is impressive. I will definitely check this one out, but mainly because of Frank Langella's depiction of Tricky Dick.
Milk- A movie about a gay activist usually only gets the actor that portrays the gay man nominated, but this film delivers much more. Sean Penn, is a bleeding heart liberal, so he probably got a hard on when he was given this script. The timing of this film is socially significant because of California's recent approval of proposition 8, which banned same sex marriage. It probably won't win, but it is a noteworthy nomination.
The Reader- I literally had not heard about this movie until the Golden Globes. Go figure Ralph Fiennes is involved in another movie that is centered around a WWII love affair. In case you are a movie novice, the other was The English Patient. I don't know much more about this movie as I have only seen the trailer a few times, but it would be a big surprise if it won because it was on the fence as to whether or not it would get nominated.
Slumdog Millionaire- Based on Vikas Swarup's first novel Q & A, this movie is about an uneducated Indian man who goes on the Indian version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and performs so well that he is thrown in jail because he is suspected of cheating. The film consists of different vignettes of his childhood that explain how he knew the answers to each of the questions. It's a love story adventure that really delivers. It won the Golden Globe and I hope that it also takes home the hardware at the Oscars.
Best Actor
Richard Jenkins in The Visitor- Jenkins is a career character actor (he was the FBI director in The Kingdom) who was given the chance to play the lead role and got some recognition for it. He is a longshot at best, but as much as I want to hate on this movie, I will refrain because of the line Jenkins delivers in The Kingdom.
Attorney General Gideon Young: I'm gonna bury you.
FBI Director James Grace: You know, Westmoreland made all of us officers write our own obituaries during Tet, when we thought The Cong were gonna end it all right there. And, once we clued into the fact that life is finite, the thought of losing it didn't scare us anymore. The end comes no matter what, the only thing that matters is how do you wanna go out, on your feet or on your knees? I bring that lesson to this job. I act, knowing that someday this job will end, no matter what. You should do the same.
Frank Langella in Frost/Nixon- This is a great nomination because Langella perfected the role at the Donmar Warehouse in London where it was a play. Although the next three nominees are likely the front runners, I would not be completely shocked if Langella came out as the winner.
Sean Penn in Milk- Aside from Heath Ledger in the Best Supporting Actor category, this is the least surprising nomination. Penn played a gay man. Bingo- there's your nomination. Look at a few examples from our recent history. Robert Deniro was nominated for playing a mental patient in Awakenings in 1991, Tom Hanks won for playing a gay man in Philadelphia in 1994, and Dustin Hoffman won in 1988 for playing an idiot savant in Rain Man.
Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- Brad has long been a sex symbol in Hollywood, but he has never really gotten any recognition for his acting abilities. This is just Brad's second Academy Award nomination and I don't think he is going to win, despite the movie's overarching success. Don't get me wrong, Brad was good, but I don't think he was good enough.
Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler- Rourke has been around for a long time, but he hasn't really been in anything good. Evidently this movie and subsequent performance is phenomenal. ESPN Page 2 writer Bill Simmons couldn't say enough good things. Throw in Rourke's Golden Globe win and I project him as the winner here as well.
Best Actress
Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married- Until about a month ago I was a huge Anne Hathaway fan. And then I saw her on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Her personality bothered me and I was completely turned off from her. She doesn't have a prayer to win this award.
Angelina Jolie in Changeling- First off, Brad and Angelina are both nominated? Phenomenal, Adorable, Arugula. The Academy usually blows everything Clint Eastwood directs, but Angelina really deserves this one. I hope she walks away the winner.
Melissa Leo in Frozen River- Who? What? One of my highschool friends dated a girl with the last name Leo and she was a gingerkid. She then became the foundation for most of the firebush jokes that I have ever made in my life. Also, were they really trying to buoy on the success of Mystic River with that title?
Meryl Streep in Doubt- I hate Meryl Streep. Plain and simple. If she wins I will give all the credit to her co-stars Amy Adams and Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Kate Winslet in The Reader- This is interesting because she won the Golden Globe for this role, but under the Best Supporting Actress category. I am actually not too happy about this because I put all my eggs in Revolutionary Road's basket and it was not given much love by the Academy. I mean Leo and Kate reunited and neither gets nominated? Come onnnn
Best Supporting Actor
Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight- And here is your winner. Should I even mention who else got nominated? While the Academy lovvves to give awards posthumously, Ledger was awesome as the Joker. Fun fact, after Ledger's death, Jack Nicholson (who previously played the Joker) was asked about it and said, "I warned him about that role, " and walked away.
Josh Brolin in Milk- As good as Brolin was, how would it look to give an Oscar to a man who played the guy that assassinated a gay rights activist?
Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder- I have not seen this movie, but I am pumped Downey Jr. was nominated because he was great in Iron Man. After seeing the trailer for this movie, it's remarkable that the Academy gave it a nomination, but hey if Michael Jackson can become white, than why can't Downey Jr. become black?
Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Doubt- He's largely considered the best actor going right now and rightfully so, although I still put Denzel and Leo ahead of him. Personally I think he should have won this award last year for his performance in Charlie Wilson's War and I guess it's sort of a shame that he has no shot of winning this year because Heath Ledger overdosed.
Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road- I rolled the dice on this movie (which opens in all theaters Friday) and this is the only bigtime nomination that I get? He plays a mental patient that offers accurate criticism of what is happening between Kate and Leo.
Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams in Doubt- I think I have a little bit of a crush on Amy Adams. Last year I saw Talladega Nights about 34 times and she got better looking, just like the movie got funnier, everytime.
Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona- Apparently Woody Allen still has some pull with the Academy. I guess Cruz really learned how to play a crazy woman after having her own meltdown in 2002. Good for her.
Viola Davis in Doubt- She's just going to steal votes from Amy Adams. This is the same thing that happens when two players on a sports team are both up for an MVP award.
Taraji P. Henson in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- She plays Benjamin's "mother" and actually does it very well. I think the first time nominee will come out on top in this one.
Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler- A former winner for My Cousin Vinny and a former potential date for George Costanza. That's a winning combination if I've ever seen one.
I bring up this notion because the Academy Award (Oscars) nominations were unveiled this morning at 8:30. I'm sure that you have come across them while browsing the 100 sites you check before this one, but I will give my two cents nonetheless.
Best Picture
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- This David Fincher directed film garnered the most nominations (13) today and I'm sure not too many people are surprised. This movie definitely lives up to the bill because it is very well done. The only downsides are that it is rather lengthy (166 minutes) and very sad. Now the fact that it is sad should have no bearing on whether or not it wins because some of my favorite movies are sad (Mystic River for example). This movie showed me that Brad Pitt could play a serious role well and that I did not hate Cate Blanchett as much as I thought I did. I literally wanted to knock her out in The Aviator. This film is probably the favorite to win the big one, but it's not the movie that I'll be pulling for next month.
Frost/Nixon- I haven't seen it yet, but I've heard and read plenty about this film. The man that wrote the screenplay, Peter Morgan, did everything that he could to make sure that it didn't turn into a film. Well that's where Ron Howard came in. He took on the project and stretched the facts to sensationalize the audience. In an era when political films have been floundering, this one succeeded. Not for nothing, that is impressive. I will definitely check this one out, but mainly because of Frank Langella's depiction of Tricky Dick.
Milk- A movie about a gay activist usually only gets the actor that portrays the gay man nominated, but this film delivers much more. Sean Penn, is a bleeding heart liberal, so he probably got a hard on when he was given this script. The timing of this film is socially significant because of California's recent approval of proposition 8, which banned same sex marriage. It probably won't win, but it is a noteworthy nomination.
The Reader- I literally had not heard about this movie until the Golden Globes. Go figure Ralph Fiennes is involved in another movie that is centered around a WWII love affair. In case you are a movie novice, the other was The English Patient. I don't know much more about this movie as I have only seen the trailer a few times, but it would be a big surprise if it won because it was on the fence as to whether or not it would get nominated.
Slumdog Millionaire- Based on Vikas Swarup's first novel Q & A, this movie is about an uneducated Indian man who goes on the Indian version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and performs so well that he is thrown in jail because he is suspected of cheating. The film consists of different vignettes of his childhood that explain how he knew the answers to each of the questions. It's a love story adventure that really delivers. It won the Golden Globe and I hope that it also takes home the hardware at the Oscars.
Best Actor
Richard Jenkins in The Visitor- Jenkins is a career character actor (he was the FBI director in The Kingdom) who was given the chance to play the lead role and got some recognition for it. He is a longshot at best, but as much as I want to hate on this movie, I will refrain because of the line Jenkins delivers in The Kingdom.
Attorney General Gideon Young: I'm gonna bury you.
FBI Director James Grace: You know, Westmoreland made all of us officers write our own obituaries during Tet, when we thought The Cong were gonna end it all right there. And, once we clued into the fact that life is finite, the thought of losing it didn't scare us anymore. The end comes no matter what, the only thing that matters is how do you wanna go out, on your feet or on your knees? I bring that lesson to this job. I act, knowing that someday this job will end, no matter what. You should do the same.
Frank Langella in Frost/Nixon- This is a great nomination because Langella perfected the role at the Donmar Warehouse in London where it was a play. Although the next three nominees are likely the front runners, I would not be completely shocked if Langella came out as the winner.
Sean Penn in Milk- Aside from Heath Ledger in the Best Supporting Actor category, this is the least surprising nomination. Penn played a gay man. Bingo- there's your nomination. Look at a few examples from our recent history. Robert Deniro was nominated for playing a mental patient in Awakenings in 1991, Tom Hanks won for playing a gay man in Philadelphia in 1994, and Dustin Hoffman won in 1988 for playing an idiot savant in Rain Man.
Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- Brad has long been a sex symbol in Hollywood, but he has never really gotten any recognition for his acting abilities. This is just Brad's second Academy Award nomination and I don't think he is going to win, despite the movie's overarching success. Don't get me wrong, Brad was good, but I don't think he was good enough.
Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler- Rourke has been around for a long time, but he hasn't really been in anything good. Evidently this movie and subsequent performance is phenomenal. ESPN Page 2 writer Bill Simmons couldn't say enough good things. Throw in Rourke's Golden Globe win and I project him as the winner here as well.
Best Actress
Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married- Until about a month ago I was a huge Anne Hathaway fan. And then I saw her on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Her personality bothered me and I was completely turned off from her. She doesn't have a prayer to win this award.
Angelina Jolie in Changeling- First off, Brad and Angelina are both nominated? Phenomenal, Adorable, Arugula. The Academy usually blows everything Clint Eastwood directs, but Angelina really deserves this one. I hope she walks away the winner.
Melissa Leo in Frozen River- Who? What? One of my highschool friends dated a girl with the last name Leo and she was a gingerkid. She then became the foundation for most of the firebush jokes that I have ever made in my life. Also, were they really trying to buoy on the success of Mystic River with that title?
Meryl Streep in Doubt- I hate Meryl Streep. Plain and simple. If she wins I will give all the credit to her co-stars Amy Adams and Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Kate Winslet in The Reader- This is interesting because she won the Golden Globe for this role, but under the Best Supporting Actress category. I am actually not too happy about this because I put all my eggs in Revolutionary Road's basket and it was not given much love by the Academy. I mean Leo and Kate reunited and neither gets nominated? Come onnnn
Best Supporting Actor
Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight- And here is your winner. Should I even mention who else got nominated? While the Academy lovvves to give awards posthumously, Ledger was awesome as the Joker. Fun fact, after Ledger's death, Jack Nicholson (who previously played the Joker) was asked about it and said, "I warned him about that role, " and walked away.
Josh Brolin in Milk- As good as Brolin was, how would it look to give an Oscar to a man who played the guy that assassinated a gay rights activist?
Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder- I have not seen this movie, but I am pumped Downey Jr. was nominated because he was great in Iron Man. After seeing the trailer for this movie, it's remarkable that the Academy gave it a nomination, but hey if Michael Jackson can become white, than why can't Downey Jr. become black?
Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Doubt- He's largely considered the best actor going right now and rightfully so, although I still put Denzel and Leo ahead of him. Personally I think he should have won this award last year for his performance in Charlie Wilson's War and I guess it's sort of a shame that he has no shot of winning this year because Heath Ledger overdosed.
Michael Shannon in Revolutionary Road- I rolled the dice on this movie (which opens in all theaters Friday) and this is the only bigtime nomination that I get? He plays a mental patient that offers accurate criticism of what is happening between Kate and Leo.
Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams in Doubt- I think I have a little bit of a crush on Amy Adams. Last year I saw Talladega Nights about 34 times and she got better looking, just like the movie got funnier, everytime.
Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona- Apparently Woody Allen still has some pull with the Academy. I guess Cruz really learned how to play a crazy woman after having her own meltdown in 2002. Good for her.
Viola Davis in Doubt- She's just going to steal votes from Amy Adams. This is the same thing that happens when two players on a sports team are both up for an MVP award.
Taraji P. Henson in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- She plays Benjamin's "mother" and actually does it very well. I think the first time nominee will come out on top in this one.
Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler- A former winner for My Cousin Vinny and a former potential date for George Costanza. That's a winning combination if I've ever seen one.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
You say you a gangsta but you neva pop nothin'. We say you a wanksta and you need to stop frontin'
The musical genres of rap and hip hop are essentially for black people. It's almost like the old clothing line FUBU (for us by us). But of course, plenty of white kids attempt to 'rebel' against their environments and embrace this music. Rappers and hip hop artists have recognized this suburban market and have, as Jay Z said in the song "Moment of Clarity", dumbed down for their audiences and doubled their dollars. When rap songs turn pop, white kids eat them up and memorize the lyrics. Here then, are the top 10 rap/hip hop songs that make white kids think they are cool because they know the lyrics.
Honorable Mention- Tupac- Changes
Tupac rapped this song relatively slow and therefore it was a little easier to learn the lyrics. Now although my cousin who shall remain nameless has told me that he thinks I am one of the few white kids out there that have this song memorized, I think it is still worthy of being mentioned because every white kid out there was obsessed with thinking that Tupac was still alive. The video is also worthwhile to see again (especially the 1:43 mark). I know girls that love this song and that just goes to show you how mainstream it became.
10.) Sir Mix-A-Lot- Baby Got Back
"Oh, my, god. Becky look at her butt."
This song has been around long enough for the majority of suburbia to memorize at least the beginning of the first verse.
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
I know plenty of guys out there that consider themselves ass men, but they pale in comparison to black guys. Rich white kids don't grow up infatuated with the backside of females. They focus their adoration on different areas. Black guys are notoriously known for lovvving what are often referred to as BBBW's (big, beautiful, black women).
9.) Dr. Dre- The Next Episode
The Chronic 2001 album was the white kid's rap anthem (Yeah I bought it too). You had "Still D.R.E" and "Forgot About Dre" (Detroit, what?) that were released before "The Next Episode", but it was "The Next Episode" that was championed by White America, and mainly for one lyric.White kids loved to recite the line at the end of the song, "Smoke weed everyday", but no one ever timed it right.
Now that line is not recited in the video that I have above, but it is most definitely on the album. This song is so obviously known to white kids that when I searched for "the next episode" on youtube it told me to also try "smoke weed everyday" and "smoke weed everyday snoop dog". This includes the "Smoke weed everyday" at the end, but look how embarrassing it is.
8.) Mase- Feels so Good
Mase disappeared from the rap game and became a minister (a big time white person rap fact that they thought no one else knew), but before he went away he came out with "Feels so Good". This song was his only signature single and it appealed almost directly to the suburban market. The fact that Puff Daddy opened his verse with this:
Do Mase got the ladies? Yeah, yeah
Do Puff drive Mercedes? Yeah, yeah
Take hits from the 80's? Yeah, yeah
But do it sound so crazy? Yeah, yeah
all but sealed this song's fate as a pop hit.
7.) Jay Z- Big Pimpin'
It was a toss up between this and "Can I get A" (a song that I know better and I am a suburban white kid), but I think "Big Pimpin" was more pervasive among my peers. If a male from the ages of 20-25 denies every having any part of the following lines in their AIM profile or as an away message than they are most likely lying.
Me give my heart to a woman
Not for nothin' never happen'
I'll be forever mackin'
6.) Warren G- Regulate
Regulators
We regulate any stealing of his property
And we damn good too
But you cant be any geek off the street,
Gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn your keep!
Regulators!!! Mount up!
I apologize, but whoever posted this video on youtube disabled the embedding option. I actually like this song a lot, but I feel as if too many people are aware of its greatness. It's kind of like finding a great bathroom that you think is scarcely used, but then you find out that a lot of people are taking care of business in there as well.
5.) Will Smith- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Yo homes, smell ya later
This one almost needs no explanation. It would probably be #1 on the countdown if it was an actual song from an album. I don't think I know anybody that doesn't know a handful of lines from this theme song. Little did we know that this song was just the tip of the iceberg. Will Smith became the quintessential white man's rapper with his later work.
4.) 50 Cent- In Da Club
If you watch how I move you'll mistake me for a playa or pimp
Been hit wit a few shells but I dont walk wit a limp
Just think about the absurdity in suburban caucasians uttering these words. How many people do you know that have been shot? I know zero. This song was very catchy from its onset and it took white kids by storm. Most of 50 Cent first album, from what my rap insiders tell me, is very pop oriented and this was the king of them all.
3.) Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg- Ain't Nothing But a G Thang
One, two, three and to the fo
It's from the original Chronic album and at first was solely embraced by its intended audience (black people), but over the course of time white people began to adopt it because of its lyrical quality. The very title of this song illustrates my point. It has nothing to do with white people because what white people out there can be considered G's?
2.) Notorious B.I.G featuring Puff Daddy and Mase- Mo' Money Mo' Problems
Puff Daddy chose to release a feel good song after Christopher Wallace's death and this was just that. Let's look at the cultural contrast from the very beginning of this video. First off, the title "Mo' Money Mo'Problems". The only white guy that ever said Mo was Mike O'Malley on Guts. Let's go the leader board with Mo, MO! Secondly, black people playing golf?? Come onnn. If that's not an attempt to appeal to white people, I don't know what is.
While Puff Daddy's closing line in the second verse, "And I'm bigger than the city like down in Times Square. Yeah, yeah yeah,"is very popular, it is the third verse (Notorious B.I.G's) that is the most well known. If you have that verse memorized (and I'll assume a bunch of you do), please don't ever recite it in front of people.
1.) Notorious B.I.G.- Juicy
So I was at a party at a girl's house in New Jersey in the summer going into my junior year in college and this song came on. Literally on cue, as if I needed another reason to hate Jersey, the host's older brother (a college senior or older at the time) and his friends proceeded to sing this song as if they were Biggie Smalls reincarnated. My friends and I were thoroughly unimpressed because we decided that kids in 6th grade probably knew the words to this song. It truly is a shame that suburban white kids have ruined a song about a drug dealing black man making it in the rap game.
What do you think of the top 10? Do you also hate New Jersey? Would you have added anything different to the list?
Honorable Mention- Tupac- Changes
Tupac rapped this song relatively slow and therefore it was a little easier to learn the lyrics. Now although my cousin who shall remain nameless has told me that he thinks I am one of the few white kids out there that have this song memorized, I think it is still worthy of being mentioned because every white kid out there was obsessed with thinking that Tupac was still alive. The video is also worthwhile to see again (especially the 1:43 mark). I know girls that love this song and that just goes to show you how mainstream it became.
10.) Sir Mix-A-Lot- Baby Got Back
"Oh, my, god. Becky look at her butt."
This song has been around long enough for the majority of suburbia to memorize at least the beginning of the first verse.
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
I know plenty of guys out there that consider themselves ass men, but they pale in comparison to black guys. Rich white kids don't grow up infatuated with the backside of females. They focus their adoration on different areas. Black guys are notoriously known for lovvving what are often referred to as BBBW's (big, beautiful, black women).
9.) Dr. Dre- The Next Episode
The Chronic 2001 album was the white kid's rap anthem (Yeah I bought it too). You had "Still D.R.E" and "Forgot About Dre" (Detroit, what?) that were released before "The Next Episode", but it was "The Next Episode" that was championed by White America, and mainly for one lyric.White kids loved to recite the line at the end of the song, "Smoke weed everyday", but no one ever timed it right.
Now that line is not recited in the video that I have above, but it is most definitely on the album. This song is so obviously known to white kids that when I searched for "the next episode" on youtube it told me to also try "smoke weed everyday" and "smoke weed everyday snoop dog". This includes the "Smoke weed everyday" at the end, but look how embarrassing it is.
8.) Mase- Feels so Good
Mase disappeared from the rap game and became a minister (a big time white person rap fact that they thought no one else knew), but before he went away he came out with "Feels so Good". This song was his only signature single and it appealed almost directly to the suburban market. The fact that Puff Daddy opened his verse with this:
Do Mase got the ladies? Yeah, yeah
Do Puff drive Mercedes? Yeah, yeah
Take hits from the 80's? Yeah, yeah
But do it sound so crazy? Yeah, yeah
all but sealed this song's fate as a pop hit.
7.) Jay Z- Big Pimpin'
It was a toss up between this and "Can I get A" (a song that I know better and I am a suburban white kid), but I think "Big Pimpin" was more pervasive among my peers. If a male from the ages of 20-25 denies every having any part of the following lines in their AIM profile or as an away message than they are most likely lying.
Me give my heart to a woman
Not for nothin' never happen'
I'll be forever mackin'
6.) Warren G- Regulate
Regulators
We regulate any stealing of his property
And we damn good too
But you cant be any geek off the street,
Gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn your keep!
Regulators!!! Mount up!
I apologize, but whoever posted this video on youtube disabled the embedding option. I actually like this song a lot, but I feel as if too many people are aware of its greatness. It's kind of like finding a great bathroom that you think is scarcely used, but then you find out that a lot of people are taking care of business in there as well.
5.) Will Smith- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Yo homes, smell ya later
This one almost needs no explanation. It would probably be #1 on the countdown if it was an actual song from an album. I don't think I know anybody that doesn't know a handful of lines from this theme song. Little did we know that this song was just the tip of the iceberg. Will Smith became the quintessential white man's rapper with his later work.
4.) 50 Cent- In Da Club
If you watch how I move you'll mistake me for a playa or pimp
Been hit wit a few shells but I dont walk wit a limp
Just think about the absurdity in suburban caucasians uttering these words. How many people do you know that have been shot? I know zero. This song was very catchy from its onset and it took white kids by storm. Most of 50 Cent first album, from what my rap insiders tell me, is very pop oriented and this was the king of them all.
3.) Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg- Ain't Nothing But a G Thang
One, two, three and to the fo
It's from the original Chronic album and at first was solely embraced by its intended audience (black people), but over the course of time white people began to adopt it because of its lyrical quality. The very title of this song illustrates my point. It has nothing to do with white people because what white people out there can be considered G's?
2.) Notorious B.I.G featuring Puff Daddy and Mase- Mo' Money Mo' Problems
Puff Daddy chose to release a feel good song after Christopher Wallace's death and this was just that. Let's look at the cultural contrast from the very beginning of this video. First off, the title "Mo' Money Mo'Problems". The only white guy that ever said Mo was Mike O'Malley on Guts. Let's go the leader board with Mo, MO! Secondly, black people playing golf?? Come onnn. If that's not an attempt to appeal to white people, I don't know what is.
While Puff Daddy's closing line in the second verse, "And I'm bigger than the city like down in Times Square. Yeah, yeah yeah,"is very popular, it is the third verse (Notorious B.I.G's) that is the most well known. If you have that verse memorized (and I'll assume a bunch of you do), please don't ever recite it in front of people.
1.) Notorious B.I.G.- Juicy
So I was at a party at a girl's house in New Jersey in the summer going into my junior year in college and this song came on. Literally on cue, as if I needed another reason to hate Jersey, the host's older brother (a college senior or older at the time) and his friends proceeded to sing this song as if they were Biggie Smalls reincarnated. My friends and I were thoroughly unimpressed because we decided that kids in 6th grade probably knew the words to this song. It truly is a shame that suburban white kids have ruined a song about a drug dealing black man making it in the rap game.
What do you think of the top 10? Do you also hate New Jersey? Would you have added anything different to the list?
Monday, January 12, 2009
Relax girls, but don't let it out
Last Thursday, CNN came out with an article for women titled "Relationship anxieties to quit worrying about." The main point was that women stress too much over things that guys don't even care about (Shocker, right?). Some of the author's examples I agree with, but others I do not.
1.) Stretch marks- I think this is a subject that not too many of us have had to deal with, but to say that guys don't really care about them is fairly accurate. More often than not, guys will only come across stretch marks when dealing with a woman that used to be fat and is now skinny (obviously no problem there) or with a woman that has given birth (all's good if it's your baby's momma and even if it's not- bonus points for sticking a mom).
While guys my age may not have had to deal with stretch marks, I'm sure they have dealt with tan lines. Now some of my friends really like tan lines, while others do not. Either way, they are not a turn off because if one encounters tan lines, it means they have been granted access to an area where the general public or tanning booth has been denied.
2.) Can I spend a night with my girlfriends?- YES, please do. Guys need time away from women. The phrase "can't live with them, but can't live without them" really applies here. Men just need some time to unwind, drink a few frosty bevs and watch some sports with the guys. There is a scene in the movie "You, Me, and Dupree" that illustrates this point. Seth Rogan is pumped for guy's night but once the clock hits midnight he has to go back home to his wife. He asks the recently married Matt Dillon how late he gets to stay out and enjoy being free from his wife and then this exchange ensues.
Seth Rogan- Does my breath smell like beer?
Matt Dillon- Yeah
Seth Rogan- Good, because do you want to know what it doesn't smell like? Weed and cigarettes.
3.) Age- The only age that guys tend to worry about is the one that the law says is illegal. Older women need not fear. If you are attractive, guys really don't care that much. I guess it becomes a little fishy when women hit menopause if a guy wants to procreate, but that's a little too serious for the time being.
I actually have a friend, who as a college senior was hooking up with a high school senior. He was 21 and she was 17. Luckily for him this relationship was all within the bounds of the law (the age of consent in New York is 17 and just 16 in Connecticut). When she came to visit him, everyone's first question after being introduced was naturally, "Where do you go to school?" My friend, the wise man that he is, told everyone that she went to BC. They all thought he meant Boston College, but in reality he meant before college.
4.) Sexual experience- This is another one where most guys usually could care less. As long as they are getting some, they are happy campers; however guys are less inclined to go after the very promiscuous girl, unless they are in a slump or are blacked out. In fact, I once wrote, "You want a girl who knows the ropes, but not like Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby who I still do not believe is a female. Too much experience can cost you too though. Leave the Grand Canyon for the sightseers."
5.) Farting- This is where I largely disagree with the article. Guys largely like their women to be ladylike. Breaking wind for women is off limits. In fact, I'm sure you've heard this before, but guys sincerely want to believe that girls don't poop. Now this might sound strange coming from a man who's ability to fart virtually on command has garnered him the nickname "Fartman", but there is just something masculine about anal acoustics. That being said, guys farting in front of girls should almost be off limits as well. It's not classy to flatulate in front of women, but sometimes our gas has a mind of its own and just slips out via a one cheek sneak.
1.) Stretch marks- I think this is a subject that not too many of us have had to deal with, but to say that guys don't really care about them is fairly accurate. More often than not, guys will only come across stretch marks when dealing with a woman that used to be fat and is now skinny (obviously no problem there) or with a woman that has given birth (all's good if it's your baby's momma and even if it's not- bonus points for sticking a mom).
While guys my age may not have had to deal with stretch marks, I'm sure they have dealt with tan lines. Now some of my friends really like tan lines, while others do not. Either way, they are not a turn off because if one encounters tan lines, it means they have been granted access to an area where the general public or tanning booth has been denied.
2.) Can I spend a night with my girlfriends?- YES, please do. Guys need time away from women. The phrase "can't live with them, but can't live without them" really applies here. Men just need some time to unwind, drink a few frosty bevs and watch some sports with the guys. There is a scene in the movie "You, Me, and Dupree" that illustrates this point. Seth Rogan is pumped for guy's night but once the clock hits midnight he has to go back home to his wife. He asks the recently married Matt Dillon how late he gets to stay out and enjoy being free from his wife and then this exchange ensues.
Seth Rogan- Does my breath smell like beer?
Matt Dillon- Yeah
Seth Rogan- Good, because do you want to know what it doesn't smell like? Weed and cigarettes.
3.) Age- The only age that guys tend to worry about is the one that the law says is illegal. Older women need not fear. If you are attractive, guys really don't care that much. I guess it becomes a little fishy when women hit menopause if a guy wants to procreate, but that's a little too serious for the time being.
I actually have a friend, who as a college senior was hooking up with a high school senior. He was 21 and she was 17. Luckily for him this relationship was all within the bounds of the law (the age of consent in New York is 17 and just 16 in Connecticut). When she came to visit him, everyone's first question after being introduced was naturally, "Where do you go to school?" My friend, the wise man that he is, told everyone that she went to BC. They all thought he meant Boston College, but in reality he meant before college.
4.) Sexual experience- This is another one where most guys usually could care less. As long as they are getting some, they are happy campers; however guys are less inclined to go after the very promiscuous girl, unless they are in a slump or are blacked out. In fact, I once wrote, "You want a girl who knows the ropes, but not like Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby who I still do not believe is a female. Too much experience can cost you too though. Leave the Grand Canyon for the sightseers."
5.) Farting- This is where I largely disagree with the article. Guys largely like their women to be ladylike. Breaking wind for women is off limits. In fact, I'm sure you've heard this before, but guys sincerely want to believe that girls don't poop. Now this might sound strange coming from a man who's ability to fart virtually on command has garnered him the nickname "Fartman", but there is just something masculine about anal acoustics. That being said, guys farting in front of girls should almost be off limits as well. It's not classy to flatulate in front of women, but sometimes our gas has a mind of its own and just slips out via a one cheek sneak.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Great Moments in Manhood
For those of you that don't know, I become a little soft during the month of December. What can I say? The holiday season gets the best of me. I start blasting Christmas like there's no tomorrow. But once the new year hits, I go right back to eating red meat, drinking beer, and watching football.
With that being said, I present the first installment of Great Moments in Manhood. These moments capture all that it is to be male by reinforcing the notion of patriarchy.
1.) Melvin Udall (played by Jack Nicholson) in As Good as It Gets (1997)
I've been referencing this scene ever since I saw the movie this summer. In the Oscar nominated film, Jack Nicholson plays a successful writer with obsessive compulsive disorder. At one point he goes to his publishers office to ask for a favor. As he is leaving, the female receptionist tells him how much of a fan she is of his writing. The dialogue then follows like this.
Female Receptionist- How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall- I think of a man, and take away reason and accountability.
2.) Ari Gold (played by Jeremy Piven) in Entourage
I was recently bored so I re-watched Entourage season one and let me be the first to tell you that season one Ari was pure flames. We all know that he has had plenty of misogynist comments in his day, but I was glad to catch this gem.
"You fire a guy and you create a rival. You fire a girl and you create a housewife."
3.) Colin Cowherd of ESPN Radio
First off, he looks a little young in this picture. He's about 44-years-old nowadays, but he's still the best in the radio business every weekday from 10am-1pm. Last Monday he was talking about how all of the home NFL playoff teams were underdogs. He then said....
"You gotta remember, guys are different than women. If you tell a guy he can't do something, he'll do it. You tell a woman she's fat- she goes on anti-depressants. You tell a guy he's fat- he goes to the gym."
With that being said, I present the first installment of Great Moments in Manhood. These moments capture all that it is to be male by reinforcing the notion of patriarchy.
1.) Melvin Udall (played by Jack Nicholson) in As Good as It Gets (1997)
I've been referencing this scene ever since I saw the movie this summer. In the Oscar nominated film, Jack Nicholson plays a successful writer with obsessive compulsive disorder. At one point he goes to his publishers office to ask for a favor. As he is leaving, the female receptionist tells him how much of a fan she is of his writing. The dialogue then follows like this.
Female Receptionist- How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall- I think of a man, and take away reason and accountability.
2.) Ari Gold (played by Jeremy Piven) in Entourage
I was recently bored so I re-watched Entourage season one and let me be the first to tell you that season one Ari was pure flames. We all know that he has had plenty of misogynist comments in his day, but I was glad to catch this gem.
"You fire a guy and you create a rival. You fire a girl and you create a housewife."
3.) Colin Cowherd of ESPN Radio
First off, he looks a little young in this picture. He's about 44-years-old nowadays, but he's still the best in the radio business every weekday from 10am-1pm. Last Monday he was talking about how all of the home NFL playoff teams were underdogs. He then said....
"You gotta remember, guys are different than women. If you tell a guy he can't do something, he'll do it. You tell a woman she's fat- she goes on anti-depressants. You tell a guy he's fat- he goes to the gym."
Deep Thoughts with Mad Max
Are tampons, in any way, self-arousing for women?
My friend Max is a sexual being. You know that old myth that says that men think about sex every 7 seconds, or something absurd like that. Well it's not a myth for Max. He is always thinking about new ways to stimulate women and I have no doubt that this is an area where he excels. This weekend two females told me that Max once posed this question to them and they quickly debunked this theory of his. They thought that their response of, "We can't even feel it," was fool proof, but boy were they mistaken. If women can't feel tampons lodged in their vaginas, than what else could be stuck up there without their knowledge? I will start the party and say q-tips. Not this Q-Tip, because they'd definitely feel that. I now call on all of The Shampoo Effect readers to both offer more items that women would not feel if they were in their vaginas and to create a name to be referred to as. For example, basketball crowds are often referred to as 'The Sixth Man', football crowds are referred to as 'The Twelth Man". What should The Shampoo Effect Audience be referred to as?
My friend Max is a sexual being. You know that old myth that says that men think about sex every 7 seconds, or something absurd like that. Well it's not a myth for Max. He is always thinking about new ways to stimulate women and I have no doubt that this is an area where he excels. This weekend two females told me that Max once posed this question to them and they quickly debunked this theory of his. They thought that their response of, "We can't even feel it," was fool proof, but boy were they mistaken. If women can't feel tampons lodged in their vaginas, than what else could be stuck up there without their knowledge? I will start the party and say q-tips. Not this Q-Tip, because they'd definitely feel that. I now call on all of The Shampoo Effect readers to both offer more items that women would not feel if they were in their vaginas and to create a name to be referred to as. For example, basketball crowds are often referred to as 'The Sixth Man', football crowds are referred to as 'The Twelth Man". What should The Shampoo Effect Audience be referred to as?
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