TV Locations I'd Like to Frequent

It should come as no surprise that we, as television viewers, form relationships with the characters that we watch. Some viewers take these 'relationships', or parasocial interactions (something I actually learned about in college) further than others, but the point remains. For example, apparently the preeminent female hairstyle of the late 90's and early 00's was known as "The Rachel," a reference to the hairstyle worn by Jennifer Aniston's character Rachel Green on Friends. Along the same lines, how many of us (that's all twelve of you and me) would immediately think George Costanza upon seeing Jason Alexander? Also, does anyone think of the former Mr. Britney Spears when they hear the name Jason Alexander? Just me? Ok.

The 'relationships' that we form with television programs, are not exclusive to the characters. We also form 'relationships' with the locations our favorite characters frequent. Here are my personal top 5, with apologies to Beverly Hills 90210's Peach Pit, which I can not recall all that vividly.


5.) The Central Perk in Friends



My main reason for including this fictional location is because I would love to go in there and stake my claim to that grimy couch. I am by no means a Friends aficionado, but I don't recall the main area of the coffee shop to have ever been taken by anyone when one of the six main cast members wanted to sit there. Friends was one of those shows that for whatever reason I always thought had a feminine connotation. I wasn't an avid viewer when the show aired, but I appreciate the humor the more I watch the episodes in syndication.


4.) McClaren's in How I Met Your Mother



I hesitated to include this one because I don't know too many people that watch the show (I only started watching it in November). That being said, this location is a touchdown, because it's only steps away from Ted's (the main character) apartment. Now before any of you Friends fans go ballistic, I know the Central Perk was less than 100 steps away from their apartments as well, but McClaren's is a bar where you can get blitzed and the Central Perk is a coffee shop where you can fine tune the screenplay you've been writing for the last 8 years. (Sidenote- I may or may not have just made fun of my future self).



3.) Moe's Tavern in The Simpson's



Yes, it's a towny bar, but the fact that it's called a tavern is a big plus in my book. The seldom used terms like tavern, alehouse, and saloon make bars more appealing to me. This bar would be great because it has an old bartender with a chip on his shoulder in Moe, it's been through the Rex Banner led prohibition days (the bar transformed nicely into a pet shop), it has some shady regulars like Barney Gumble, and it has a signature drink; The Flaming Moe.


For those not in tune with Pop Culture,this is a clear reference to the Cheers theme song

2.) Monk's in Seinfeld



First let me say that Monk's barely edged out Reggie's and Mendy's, where I'd definitely order a soup and a salad. Monk's would be fun to go to for me because I love diners. After a night of drinking, there is nowhere else I'd rather be in the morning than a slop house diner. Monk's, although a crummy little coffee shop, is great because the management abides by the Hooters policy of only hiring well endowed women, they make a big salad and an egg white omelet, and you never know if you're going to run into a millionaire architect. I should note that another Seinfeld location, Dinky Donuts, was not considered because the locale is never shown on camera. By the way, Joe DiMaggio is definitely not a dunker.

1.) The Max in Saved By The Bell



The Max was the ultimate before, mid, and after school hangout for Bayside High students. Seemingly everything went down there. If memory serves, the seating style where one sits on a chair that is turned the wrong way, known in most circles as "A.C. Slater style" was made famous in The Max.

I'm sure highschool students across the country have their own versions of The Max. My friends and I went to a pizza shop near our highschool from time to time after school and whenever I didn't want to go, one friend would explicitly say, "Come on dude, you have to go. Johnnie's (the name of the pizza shop) is our Max."

Piracy

For the past 10 years, the term piracy has been used in reference to the illegal downloading of music on the internet by the Napster Generation (quick side note- it will be very interesting to see what generation name sticks 20 years from now. In fact, I'll make it a poll question). In case you aren't up to date with your world events, the term piracy is back...to it's original meaning.

Earlier this month, a group of Somalian pirates (savage scoundrels that hijack and loot ships) took charge of the US ship named the Maersk Alabama (that'll be a Jeopardy answer in a few years). It was the sixth ship the pirates had seized that week and the 66th this year.

After browsing the Somalian Wikipedia page I may have figured out why the Somalian pirates are terrorizing the seas. Until this pirating, Somalia didn't have its niche in the world, but it's bordering countries all did. It is bordered on the northwest by Djibouti, which we all know because of this commercial, to the southwest by Kenya, which is known for its marathon runners, and to the west by Ethiopia, which has become the brunt of the world's skinny jokes. Somalia is now relevant, albeit for reviving an ancient crime. Their little stunt may not be over, but the pirates that held the captain of the Maersk Alabama hostage got a rude awakening by the Navy Seals.

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MVP Debate

The NBA MVP race is as intriguing as it's ever been. The award will undoubtedly fall into the hands of reigning MVP Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, or Dwayne Wade (with apologies to Chris Paul, Paul Pierce, Dwight Howard, and Chauncey Billups). The argument can be made for any of the three, but most have disregarded Wade because of his team's mediocre record (43-39). Somewhere along the line, this award became the best player on the best team instead of the most valuable player. Not since MJ in '88 has a player from a non-division winner taken home the hardware. In fact 17 of the last 20 winners have come from teams that finished 1st in their conference (the other 3 finished in 2nd). In the true sense of the award, Wade would be the winner. The Heat were 15-67 last year because Wade was injured. Wade led them to 28 more wins this year with little support from his teammates. In fact, the Heat started two rookies (Michael Beasley and Mario Chalmers) much of the year and have a rookie head coach (38-year-old Eric Spoelstra).

The MVP is also an award that you sort of have to wait your turn for. For example, Kobe (the best basketball player on the planet) didn't win it until last year. How he didn't win it in 2006 is beyond me, although his case was sort of like Wade's is this year. Kobe was playing on a whole nother level and led a terrible team to the playoffs. The award went to Steve Nash, who had D'Antoni inflated stats for a team that had the 3rd best record in the West (1 of the 3 times in the last 20 years that a player from a non one seed won the award- The Suns got the 2 seed that year because they won the Pacific Division).

Last year Kobe won the MVP because his Lakers beat the Chris Paul led Hornets on the last day of the season to claim the top spot in the West (Paul finished second in the voting). This year, LeBron's Cavaliers edged out the Lakers for the best record in the NBA. Cleveland finished 66-16, whereas the Lakers finished 65-17. Therefore I think LeBron will win the MVP, but he actually deserves it, and that's coming from a Kobe Bryant apologist.

Stats

Numbers don't lie (Although it should be noted that you can construe stats to say just about anything). LeBron averaged 28.4 points (2nd in the NBA behind Wade), 7.6 rebounds, 7.2 assists, 1.15 blocks, and 1.7 steals per game. Kobe averaged 26.8 points (3rd in the NBA), 5.2 rebounds, 4.9 assists, and 1.5 steals. As much as I'd like to say these numbers are a wash, LeBron's two more rebounds and assists per game are more significant than they seem.

Many, myself including, knock LeBron for settling for too many jumpers. With his size, he should just attack the rim and save the challenged jumpshots for later on his career like Jordan did and like Kobe has done. Kobe has a significantly better jump shot than LeBron anyway though, right? Wrong. LeBron shot 49% from the field and 34% from behind the arc this season compared to Kobe's 47% and 35%.

Perhaps the most impressive stat is that LeBron is one of only four players since 1974 to lead their team in scoring, rebounding, assists, blocks, and steals. The other three were Dave Cowens in 1978, who? Scottie Pippen on the Bulls in 1995 (MJ came back during that season). And Kevin Garnett in 2003 (A note to all the bandwagon Celtics fans out there. Garnett did this as a member of the Minnesota Timberwolves). As impressive as the stat is, none of the previous 3 won the MVP.

The stats aren't all in LeBron's favor though. He shot just 78% from the free throw line (Kobe shot 86%) and turned it over much more than Kobe did.

Supporting Casts

Let's just say that they actually factored in who is more valuable to their team. Just look at the rosters of the Cavs and the Lakers and try to tell me that LeBron isn't more valuable. The Cavs second best player is Mo Williams, who was only named to the All-Star team this year as an injury replacement (In fact, he was the snubbed for the first injury replacement spot and only made it when someone else went down). The Lakers second best player is two time All-Star Pau Gasol. The Cavs third best player is either Delonte West or Zydrunas Ilgauskas. The Lakers third best player is either Andrew Bynum or Lamar Odom. If that doesn't say it, the Cavs next best player is named Boobie. Bottom line, Kobe is surrounded by formiddable talent and LeBron is surrounded by a bunch of role players.

LeBron led the Cavs not only to the best record in the NBA, but also to a 39-1 record in the home games that he played in. So he's clearly the best player on the best team, right?

Well not so fast. That lone home loss was at the hand of Kobe (who was sick during the game) and the Lakers on February 8th. LeBron shot just 5-20 from the field in the 101-91 loss. The Lakers also beat the Cavs in the Staples Center back on January 19th 105-88.

Defense/Leadership

LeBron has been a beast on the defensive end all year. How many times have you seen a highlight where he pins someone's breakaway layup from behind? Where did LeBron develop this defensive feistiness? Much of it comes from his head coach Mike Brown, who is a disciple of the defensive minded Greg Poppovich, but the point was really hammered home by Kobe (named to the NBA's 1st team All Defense 5 times) while playing together on Team USA this summer in Beijing. Kobe, the best offensive player in the world, took it upon himself to shut down the best perimeter player of each team that the Redeem Team faced. LeBron took this lesson to heart and took his game to the next level defensively. This commitment to defense has made the Cavs, and LeBron, elite.

The reason I give LeBron the edge when it comes to defense is because his teammates have bought into it. Kobe's been doing his thing on defense for years, but his teammates (outside of Derek Fisher and Trevor Ariza) haven't consistently displayed the effort that it takes. Delonte West, Anderson Varejao, and Mo Williams play intense defense for 48 minutes. Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom, and Sasha Vujacic only play defense in spurts. They are more concerned with scoring than stopping the other team from scoring.

I'm not saying Kobe's a bad teammate, I'm just saying the LeBron is the perfect teammate. He is a gregarious leader that knows how to convince his teammates to sacrifice their stats for the betterment of the team. LeBron hosts sleepovers with his teammates like he's in 5th grade and Kobe takes helicopter rides back to his house in Orange County to watch his daughter's soccer games. I respect Kobe for being a family man, but the camaraderie that the Cavs have formed is out of this world. Look no further than their pre game antics.



Conclusion

If I was to start a playoff series tomorrow, who would I rather have on my team? Kobe

Who would I rather have take a game winning shot? Kobe

Who would I rather have shooting free throws with the game on the line? Kobe

Who will I be rooting for in the playoffs? Kobe and the Lakers

Who will be and deserves to be the MVP of the league this year? LeBron

Hodgepodge

From the beginning, I promised myself that I wouldn't force blog posts. That being said, I stumble upon/get sent a number of blog ideas that on their own, aren't quite worthy of an entire blog entry, but are still entertaining. Here a few unrelated tidbits that have come my way of late.

Any bacon related news is good news in my eyes. As George Costanza famously said on Seinfeld, "This is like discovering plutonium, by accident!" This means that my ideal weekend routine is somehow good for me. Just think of the glorious cycle. Booze, bacon, booze, bacon. Mix in some boobs and you have an early glimpse of heaven.

If anyone deserved to be inducted into the Hall of Fame, it was him.

Lastly, although she is a dike who wants to be Keith Olberman, how she was able to keep herself together during this is impressive.

Double Take (from an unlikely muse)

So I'm sitting at work last night watching the Lakers host the Utah Jazz in their regular season finale and I was struck by a whole host of blog ideas.....by the Jazz. Here are a few. 1.) Jerry Sloan might not be the most underrated coach in sports, but he's certainly in the conversation. 2.) Carlos Boozer is the only former Duke player that is an NBA star. The only other options are Dunleavy, who is a nice player, but not a star, and Brand, who has become Mr. Glass (and not for his rebounding). 3.) The Jazz have a proven model for success in the NBA. Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer are obviously supposed to be Stockton and Malone version 2.0. 4.) I defy anyone to find a nickname in sports that is better than Andrei Kirilenko's AK47. He's Russian, his initials are AK, and he wears jersey #47. Throw them together and you have AK47, one of the most famous guns (a Russian gun mind you) of all time.

5.) I know it's been pointed out numerous times, but Jazz Forward Kyle Korver looks a lot like Ashton Kutcher. I'm sure I could find a picture where they look even more similar, but someone already put this one together and I pride myself on being as lazy as possible.



First we have Korver (he's on the left if you couldn't tell), the sharp shooting NBA forward. Korver first came onto the national scene in 2002 when his Creighton Blue Jays, a 12 seed, knocked off Arizona in the first round of the NCAA tournament. Although he played his college ball at Creighton, a mid major, Korver's length (he's 6'9) and long range shooting ability made him an NBA prospect. He was drafted in the second round (51st overall) of the 2003 NBA draft. He has bounced around the league quite a bit since then, but he may have found a home in Utah. Although he is a one dimensional player (all he does is shoot 3's), he's become a fan favorite of many developing caucasian players across the country. In fact, I play basketball with a living legend (he is the assistant basketball coach at my high school) who goes simply by the moniker "Q" that says Korver after made jump shots much in the same way that kids growing up would say Jordan when they scored. Also, I don't think Korver's dad Kevin likes black people. He named his sons Kyle, Klayton, Kaleb, and Kirk. Also, I know Roger Clemens named all of his kids something with the first letter K, which is the symbol for a strikeout in baseball, but I don't think Mr. Korver was a pitcher.

Korver's long lost twin is actor and former model Ashton Kutcher. Kutcher got his big break by playing the air head Michael Kelso on the Fox sitcom That '70's Show. This early success snowballed into the largely popular MTV prank show Punk'd. Kutcher, who is quietly a producer on a number of television shows, has also had a nice little movie career. The highlights of that movie career include Dude Where's My Car (2000), Just Married (2003), The Butterfly Effect (2004), The Guardian (2006), and What Happens in Vegas (2008), which is one of the best movies I've seen in a while. Kutcher married actress Demi Moore (who is 15 years his senior) in September of 2005.

To be honest, I've never really been much of a fan of either Korver or Kutcher. Korver is a one trick pony who can't play a lick of defense and Kutcher is a goofball who should stop accepting serious roles. He was outstanding in What Happens in Vegas (2008) (although not nearly as good as Rob Corddry) and completely changed my opinion of him. In fact, Kutcher definitely wins out because Korver's wikipedia page mentions the resemblance, but Kutcher's doesn't. This means that Kutcher is much more famous, although wikipedia is a joke because I could add the fact that they look a like to Kutcher's page right now.

Remember Your Roots

Ever since I started watching The Colbert Report, I have been a huge fan of the Better Know A District segment. In these segments (55 down, 380 to go), Colbert interviews members of Congress and uses his sharp, quick wit (as well as a lot of editing) to twist their words. More often than not, Colbert absolutely owns the particular member of Congress. He asks absurd questions that catch our elected officials off guard. Usually one of these questions/topics is followed by Colbert saying, "Congressman, I can see that this topic is making you uncomfortable. Moving on.."

The segments always begin with Colbert on his set highlighting a few facts about whatever district the member of Congress is representing. Also, without fail, he will refer to that district, let's say it's the 5th, as the "Fightin' Fifth!"

Last night Colbert aired his interview with my congressional representative Dan Maffei and pointed out a few facts about where I'm from. Maffei, just elected in November, is not quite a friend of the blog, but he is a friend of the family. My dad worked on Maffei's campaign and I of course got the chance to speak to Maffei a handful of times. I tell you this only because I have talked to Maffei. Maffei's talked to Colbert. Ipso facto, I've talked to Colbert.

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Now of course, If I was presenting my district to the (Colbert) Nation I would chose to highlight things other than the heavily polluted Onondaga Lake. If it were up to me, I would focus on the following three things.

1.)Anheuser-Busch Brewery



There are 12 Anheuser-Busch Breweries in America and one of them is located in my congressional district. I am very proud of this, because Anheuser-Busch is not only one of the staples of Americana (even though it was bought by Belgian company InBev last July), but I believe their signature product, Budweiser, is the king of all beers. Any good-natured, red-blooded American male above the age of 21 has enjoyed the delicious taste of a Budweiser beer. Well everyone except my congressman apparently. Couldn't shotgun a Bud heavy? Come onnnn. You better believe that the next time I see Maffei (who knows if I'll ever see him again), I'll teach him how to shotgun with the best of them.

2.) The Loud House



The Carrier Dome is the single greatest on campus arena in all of collegiate athletics. This facility serves beer (one of only a handful of on campus arenas that do so), annually ranks #1 in home attendance for men's basketball, and is the rowdiest place in America. Nobody, and I mean nobody, except for Akron, Penn State, Pittsburgh, Louisville (football and basketball), UCONN, Cleveland State, and Villanova comes into the Loud House and pushes the Orange around.

3.) The Irish Traffic Light



As you can see in the picture, this traffic light, on the corner of Tompkins Street and Milton Avenue, has the green light on top and the red light on the bottom. It is the only traffic light in the world that is set up this way. The light is located in the neighborhood known as Tipperary Hill, which is located on the west side of Syracuse (the city of hopes and dreams). According to folklore (and Wikipedia), back in the 1920's, when the light was first installed, Irish immigrants would throw rocks at the light because the British color (red) was on top and the color of their motherland (green) was on the bottom. The city would fix the light time and time again, but the Irish immigrants kept destroying the light until the city agreed to put the green light on top.




As an American male of Irish descent, I would confidently suggest that no one's congressional district can match these three things that the "Fightin' 25th" has to offer.

50 reasons not to get married

My buddy sent me a list of 100 reasons not to get married that some joker compiled. The list was a bit repetitive and a few of the reasons were a bit suspect, so I cut the list in half. My personal comments are in italics.

When you’re single...

1.) You get the whole bed to yourself.

2.) There's no pressure to make the bed in the morning/ever.

3.) Nobody smells your dragon breath or sees what you look like first thing in the morning.

4.) You can stay in the shower as long as you want and don’t have to worry about conserving hot water for a spouse/kids.

5.) There's half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do. -although if you get married your wife should be responsible for 90% of this stuff, right?

6.) You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments.

7.) You can get home from work at whatever time you like.

8.) You get to eat the whole meal for two, by yourself.

7.) There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse’s parents,etc) and no anniversaries to accidentally forget.

8.) Without a spouse you have can still have a decent social life in your 30s.

9.) You don’t have to live halfway between your workplace and your spouse’s workplace. -if your wife's workplace is the kitchen then I guess you're all set on this one.

10.) Once you’re married most of your friends will also be married and will mostly be staying home with their own spouse’s instead of hanging out with you.

11.) No soap operas.

12.) You can throw your dirty socks on the floor where they belong.

13.) You don’t have to worry about what the bathroom smells like when you walk out of it. -definitely more terrifying if it's your wife that's stinking up the joint

14.) You don’t have to put out Christmas lights if you don’t want to.

15.) When you’re single the lawn looks a lot better when the grass is longer.

16.) No one snores.

17.) On your way out you know that you’re shoes are right where you took them off yesterday.

18.) You don't have to shave if you don’t want to. -I might grow an NBA playoffs beard

19.) You don't have to buy Valentines/birthday/Mother's day cards.

20.) You won’t have anyone saying 'you're not going to wear that, are you?'

21.) You ALWAYS know EXACTLY how much is in your checking account.

22.) There are no unexplainable moods to contend with.

23.) You are accountable to no one. You never have to say where you've been or what you've been doing.

24.) You never have to worry about saying what you think, or having to pretend you’re thinking something that you’re not.

25.) You can eat what YOU want. -bacon for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

26.) You can have friends over who behave outrageously whenever you want.

27.) You can surf the internet till you’re eyes fall out if you want to.

28.) You can listen to your favorite tunes in the house or in the car and no one fiddles with the station or complains about your taste in music.

29.) You can go to bed when you please.

30.) There's plenty of space in the closet.

31.) You don't have to pretend that you’re interested in what happened to your spouse at work today.

32.) You can drink wine out of a bottle or milk right out of the jug whenever you like.

33.) You can pass gas at will. -yahtzee

34.) When you’re single your opinion is always the best opinion.

35.) You don't have to listen to your spouse pant every time their favorite actor or musician comes on the television. -Oh my God, Grey's is on!

36.) When you’re single you can flush or let that log float around for a while.

37.) You don’t have to share ANYTHING with ANYONE.

38.) No in-laws (this one speaks for itself)

39.) Las Vegas is back on the list of vacation considerations.

40.) You can wear sweatpants all day. - "Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do." - Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

41.) When you get home after work, you don't have to start work again.

40.) You can tell people you’re single and not have to lie about it.

45.) You'll never have to trade your interest in miniskirts for minivans.

46.) When you’re single you get to hold the actual credit card and not just the bill.

47.)When you’re single going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission.

48.) You can come home drunk and not have to pretend you’re sober.

49.) When you’re single you can lick the spoon and keep on stirring like nothing happened.

50.) Finally, when you’re single you can enjoy the silence any time you want