50 reasons not to get married

My buddy sent me a list of 100 reasons not to get married that some joker compiled. The list was a bit repetitive and a few of the reasons were a bit suspect, so I cut the list in half. My personal comments are in italics.

When you’re single...

1.) You get the whole bed to yourself.

2.) There's no pressure to make the bed in the morning/ever.

3.) Nobody smells your dragon breath or sees what you look like first thing in the morning.

4.) You can stay in the shower as long as you want and don’t have to worry about conserving hot water for a spouse/kids.

5.) There's half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do. -although if you get married your wife should be responsible for 90% of this stuff, right?

6.) You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments.

7.) You can get home from work at whatever time you like.

8.) You get to eat the whole meal for two, by yourself.

7.) There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse’s parents,etc) and no anniversaries to accidentally forget.

8.) Without a spouse you have can still have a decent social life in your 30s.

9.) You don’t have to live halfway between your workplace and your spouse’s workplace. -if your wife's workplace is the kitchen then I guess you're all set on this one.

10.) Once you’re married most of your friends will also be married and will mostly be staying home with their own spouse’s instead of hanging out with you.

11.) No soap operas.

12.) You can throw your dirty socks on the floor where they belong.

13.) You don’t have to worry about what the bathroom smells like when you walk out of it. -definitely more terrifying if it's your wife that's stinking up the joint

14.) You don’t have to put out Christmas lights if you don’t want to.

15.) When you’re single the lawn looks a lot better when the grass is longer.

16.) No one snores.

17.) On your way out you know that you’re shoes are right where you took them off yesterday.

18.) You don't have to shave if you don’t want to. -I might grow an NBA playoffs beard

19.) You don't have to buy Valentines/birthday/Mother's day cards.

20.) You won’t have anyone saying 'you're not going to wear that, are you?'

21.) You ALWAYS know EXACTLY how much is in your checking account.

22.) There are no unexplainable moods to contend with.

23.) You are accountable to no one. You never have to say where you've been or what you've been doing.

24.) You never have to worry about saying what you think, or having to pretend you’re thinking something that you’re not.

25.) You can eat what YOU want. -bacon for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

26.) You can have friends over who behave outrageously whenever you want.

27.) You can surf the internet till you’re eyes fall out if you want to.

28.) You can listen to your favorite tunes in the house or in the car and no one fiddles with the station or complains about your taste in music.

29.) You can go to bed when you please.

30.) There's plenty of space in the closet.

31.) You don't have to pretend that you’re interested in what happened to your spouse at work today.

32.) You can drink wine out of a bottle or milk right out of the jug whenever you like.

33.) You can pass gas at will. -yahtzee

34.) When you’re single your opinion is always the best opinion.

35.) You don't have to listen to your spouse pant every time their favorite actor or musician comes on the television. -Oh my God, Grey's is on!

36.) When you’re single you can flush or let that log float around for a while.

37.) You don’t have to share ANYTHING with ANYONE.

38.) No in-laws (this one speaks for itself)

39.) Las Vegas is back on the list of vacation considerations.

40.) You can wear sweatpants all day. - "Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do." - Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

41.) When you get home after work, you don't have to start work again.

40.) You can tell people you’re single and not have to lie about it.

45.) You'll never have to trade your interest in miniskirts for minivans.

46.) When you’re single you get to hold the actual credit card and not just the bill.

47.)When you’re single going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission.

48.) You can come home drunk and not have to pretend you’re sober.

49.) When you’re single you can lick the spoon and keep on stirring like nothing happened.

50.) Finally, when you’re single you can enjoy the silence any time you want