This past Christmas I played a game of trivial pursuit with my brothers and sisters. Trivial Pursuit, in case you were unaware, is a game based on one's knowledge of a wide variety of facts and information. Needless to say, it's in my wheelhouse. Although I planned on dominating, the game didn't exactly transpire how I thought it would. For whatever reason I kept getting the most bizarre and difficult questions while my siblings marched around the board. Finally I got this layup.
What country was Russell Crowe born in?
"Australia, obviously," I said.
Wrong, Russell Crowe was born in New Zealand. I was furious, but if I had only known then what I know now I may have been even more infuriated. Russell Crowe was indeed born in New Zealnd, but he was raised almost entirely in Australia. His family moved there shortly after he was born.
Stumbling upon this information about Crowe's formative years reminded me of something that happened to me in 9th grade English class. For whatever reason our teacher had chosen to spend a few weeks on the book Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. For homework he assigned a few chapters each night for us to read. Naturally I was much too cool to read a book in 9th grade so I either did nothing at all or quickly glanced over sparknotes before class because our teacher periodically gave us pop quizzes to ensure that we were keeping up with the material. After one such pop quiz our teacher had us pass our papers to the person in front of us to be peer graded.
Now the crux of the story rests on the third or fourth question of the quiz. To the best of my memory the question was, "How long has (Character X) known Rebecca?" I didn't have the slightest idea, so I wrote "about her whole life." The correct answer, according to our teacher, was "since she was young". Almost immediately the person grading my paper raised their hand and asked the teacher if my answer was acceptable. Without hesitation my teacher said no and I instinctively remarked, "That's ridiculous." After hearing the correct answer I thought I had the question in the bag. "About her whole life" and "since she was young" are practically the same thing, right? My teacher, a mild-mannered 30 something that all of the girls in my class adored, unexpectedly responded to my outburst by screaming "DO YOU WANT TO SEE RIDICULOUS?" at the top of his lungs. After he said that everything stopped. It seriously felt like someone had hit the pause button in real life because a silent chill seemed to linger over the entire room as I considered whether or not to respond. No one had ever heard our teacher as much as raise his voice, let alone scream like he just had. Still to this day I don't know why he was so angry. Sure I was a smug fifteen year old punk who thought he knew everything, but there must have been some external factors going on. After I shook myself free from a shock feuled daze I quietly surrendered by saying, "No, that's okay." Then as if nothing had happened he just moved on to the next question.
Ok, so back to Russell Crowe. Is it just me or does it not seem right to refer to him as anything other than his full name? I called him Crowe earlier and it didn't feel right. The Russell just rolls right into the Crowe. A few girls in college used to call virtually everybody by their first and last name. It didn't matter who they were talking to/about or how many syllables were involved. I guess it was their thing. For some people's names it seemed like a stretch, but for others it just seemed to work. Russell Crowe, to me anyway, is one of those names that works better as with the given name and the surname in tandem.
To be honest I've never been a big fan of Russell Crowe. Recently I was telling someone about my dislike for him, but when pressed for a reason why I drew a blank. In fact, when I got to thinking about it I realized that I've never seen a bad Russell Crowe film. Not only that, but I don't think he's given a sub par performance in any of his movies that I've seen (although I strongly disliked him for arresting Denzel's character Frank Lucas in American Gangster (2007)).
Ok fine, so he's never given a sub par performance, but which of his performances have been the best? For more on that let's go to the nominees.
1.) Bud White in L.A. Confidential (1997)
In this Oscar nominated film, Russell Crowe plays a hard nosed, tough guy cop who's trying to get to the bottom of a bloody shooting. In the course of his investigation he gets involved with a high class escort (a contradictory title), her pimp, and crooked cops. His blue collar, no bullshit attitude fits him well.
Most Memorable Lines:
Lynn Bracken: You say "fuck" a lot.
Bud White: You fuck for money.
Lynn Bracken: There's blood on your jacket. Is that an integral part of your job?
Bud White: Sometimes.
Lynn Bracken: Do you enjoy it?
Bud White: When they deserve it.
Lynn Bracken: Did they today?
Bud White: I don't know.
Lynn Bracken: But you did it anyway.
Bud White: Yeah, just like the half-dozen guys you screwed today.
Lynn Bracken: Well, actually, it was two.
Pierce Patchett: I use girls that look like movie stars. Sometimes I employ a plastic surgeon. When the work had been done, that's when you saw us.
Bud White: That's why her mother couldn't I.D. her. Jesus fucking Christ.
Pierce Patchett: No, Mr. White. Pierce Morehouse Patchett.
Synopsis- Russell Crowe's performance in the film is certainly reputable, but it doesn't really stand out. I don't know, maybe it was that he was handcuffed a little but because he was part of a three headed protaganist with Kevin Spacey and Guy Pearce. While Bud White is definitely a great character I don't think it's Russell Crowe's best.
2.) Maximus in Gladiator (2000)
This is unquestionably Russell Crowe's most recognizable role. When you hear the name Russell Crowe you think Gladiator. I mean, the film won the Oscar for Best Picture and this role of Maximus won him the Oscar for Best Actor. In case you don't know, in the film Crowe (the novelty of the full name thing has already worn off) plays a former Army General who is forced into slavery, but returns to the lime light by rising through the Gladiator ranks.
Most Memorable Lines:
Maximus: What we do in life.....echoes in eternity.
Maximus: I knew a man once who said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."
Commodus: I wonder, did your friend smile at his own death?
Maximus: You must know. He was your father.
Maximus: I am required to kill, so I kill. That is enough.
Maximus: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
Synopsis- This role is obviously the odds on favorite to take home the hardware and I wouldn't be surprised if it did so in landlside fashion.; however I will say that I think most people liked this movie mainly because of the fight scenes. There's no denying that the action was great, but Crowe won the Oscar because he knocked the dramatic moments out of the park.
3.) Terry Thorne in Proof Of Life (2000)
In this role Crowe plays a hostage negotiator who is called in to track down Meg Ryan's husband, who gets kidnapped in the fictional South American country of Tecala. After spending so much time together Crowe's character begins to have romantintic feelings for Ryan and her character reciprocates them. These emotions are sort of the subplot of the movie, but they seem a bit forced. They end up kissing and in my opinion it comes out of nowhere. The reason I even mention this is because during the filming of the movie Crowe and Ryan began an off screen romantic affair. Oh, the irony. Ryan was married to Dennis Quaid at the time, but soon divorced him. While I feel bad for Quaid, I also think that he should have seen it coming.
According to imdb.com Ryan "met actor Anthony Edwards during the making of the film Top Gun (1986) and moved in with him. They were a couple until she met actor Dennis Quaid during the film Innerspace (1987), and she moved in with and eventually married him." What goes around comes around Quaid. Also, it should be noted that Meg Ryan was born in Fairfield, CT and still has a home there.
Most Memorable Lines:
Alice Bowman: You are the first, you are the only person I've met who knows what they're talking about! So I am begging you, I am totally begging you to help me out on this.
Terry Thorne: You asked me not to bullshit you?
Alice Bowman: Right.
Terry Thorne: I've gotta plane to catch.
Peter Bowman: You're not fucking with me!
Terry Thorne: No mate. I'm for real.
Terry Thorne: This road leads to Alice. This road leads to home.
Alice Bowman: I thought we'd get a chance...
Terry Thorne: What? To sit round and chat? The three of us?
Synopsis- The film was a complete critical and commercial flop, but it does have the distinction of being the first film that I ever Netflixed. I thought it was alright (3 and a half stars out of 5), but I get the feeling that it's one of those movies that people either love or hate. One person that I know loved it is ESPN.Com's own Bill Simmons. In one of his columns he wrote,
(His best hope is for a "Proof of Life"-level comeback. Which reminds me ... with the decade winding to a close, the "Most Underrated Movie of the Decade" title is down to two candidates and only two: "Proof of Life" and "Man On Fire." That's the list. We will accept no other nominations.)
For the record, Man On Fire is much better.
4.) John Nash in A Beautiful Mind (2001)
In this film Crowe plays a groundbreaking mathematician who suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. Based purely on that sentence you should know that he earned a Best Actor nomination from the Academy Awards. I must say that I particularly enjoyed this movie because of the sneaky hot Jennifer Connelly and my favorite supporting actor of all time, Adam Goldberg.
Most Memorable Lines:
Nash: Find a truly original idea. It is the only way I will ever distinguish myself. It is the only way I will ever matter.
Nash: Adam Smith needs revision. If we all go for the blonde and block each other, not a single one of us is going to get her. So then we go for her friends, but they will all give us the cold shoulder because no on likes to be second choice. But what if none of us goes for the blonde? We won't get in each other's way and we won't insult the other girls. It's the only way to win. It's the only way we all get laid.
Nash: She never gets old! Marcee can't be real; she never gets old!
Nash: What truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me to the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back. I have made the most important discovery of my career - the most important discovery of my life. It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reason can be found. I am only here tonight because of you. You are the only reason I am. You are all my reasons. Thank you.
Synopsis- I don't think that there's any question that this was Crowe's most challenging role, but was it his best? I would say, yes. It's definitely not the best movie that he's ever been in, but I think it's his best acting performance. If he suddenly died or walked away from acting would this be the role that he was most remembered for? Probably not, but I think it should be.
5.) James Braddock in Cindarella Man (2005)
Not for nothing, this is the best of the five trailers. In the film Crowe plays a poor, beat down boxer who is struggling to provide for his family. Although his boxing skills may have diminished, Crowe's character (Braddock) summons all of his mental and physical strength and takes on the world heavyweight champion. He is clearly outmatched by the German sensation Max Baer, but with nothing more to lose Braddock comes out the victor.
Most Memorable Lines:
James Braddock: I have to believe that when things are bad I can change them.
James Braddock: You think you're telling me something? Like, what, boxing is dangerous, something like that? You don't think working triple shifts and at night on a scaffold isn't just as likely to get a man killed? What about all those guys who died last week living in cardboard shacks to save on rent money just to feed their family, 'cause guys like you have not quite figured out a way yet to make money off of watching that guy die? But in my profession - and it is my profession - I'm a little more fortunate.
Synopsis- Crowe has publicly said that this role is his personal favorite, but that doesn't mean that it's his best. It's a great story and Crowe does an admirable job of portraying Braddock, but it's hard to even consider it as his finest work because Paul Giamatti literally steals the show. Giamatti's Oscar winning role as Braddock's promoter/trainer Joe Gould is simply outstanding.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Netflix, Do it
Last week I finally signed up for Netflix and already I think it's one of the greatest decisions that I've ever made. If you don't already have an account do yourself a favor and get one as soon as possible.
In the past few weeks two of my best friends have all but praised Netflix, so I finally took their advice and signed up. Honestly, I don't know why a self proclaimed movie buff like myself didn't have an account sooner. Maybe it was my loyalty to the Blockbuster brand that held me off for this long. Last summer renting movies from Blockbuster was the method to my movie watching madness. My parents paid $20 a month and we got to rent two movies at a time. I went there so often that I was practically on a first name basis with the guy that worked there. By that I mean I knew that his name was Chris because he wore a name tag. He never asked me for my name, but it was clear that he recognized me based on my regular business.
That being said, Blockbuster is the past and Netflix is the future. For only $8.99 a month I can rent as many movies as time will allow. The number of movies I end up renting per month will be based on how quickly I watch the movies once I get them and how quickly the United States Postal Service sends them to and fro the Netflix warehouse closest to my apartment. Think about this for a minute. If you see a movie in theaters you're usually paying anywhere from $9-$11.50 (for yourself) and if you rent 2 movies from Blockbuster or Hollywood Video it usually costs about $8-$10. I figure that if I rent 3 movies from Netflix per month (I think I'll probably end up renting 7-8) I'll be saving money/getting a deal.
Now not only is Netflix convenient because I don't have to leave my apartment to rent movies, but they take care of all the shipping costs and there are no late fees. They send you a movie in the mail. You watch it and then send it back. Then they send you whatever movie you have selected next on your queue.
Which brings us to the online Netflix experience. Once you sign up for Netflix you get an online account/username what have you. On your account you create your queue, which is a list of the movies that you want to see. Like I said before, once you send Netflix a movie back in the mail they send you whatever you have next on your queue. Also on your account they have you rate movies that you've already seen and based on your ratings they offer suggestions (which are fairly accurate) of movies that you might like. The more movies that you rate the more accurate the suggestions.
As if Netflix couldn't get any better they offer hundreds of movies that you can view instantly online. Watching movies instantly does not affect your queue whatsoever.So far I've seen one movie that Netflix has sent me (and they've emailed me to tell me that another one is on the way) and three instantly online, which I'll breakdown right now.
1.) Casablanca (1942)
I've long heard that Casablanca (which I believe is Spanish for white house) is one of the greatest movies of all time, so it's been on my radar for a while. Sure it's in black and white, but it won the Oscar for Best Picture and it's routinely referenced on Jeopardy. Based on those two facts I needed to see it.
Even with these lofty expectations, I still thoroughly enjoyed the film. Humphrey Bogart is the absolute man. He's got that Don Draper cocky, cool, and confident quality to him. Also there's something about Ingrid Bergman. She must have been the lure of every man back in the '40's because she's still good looking even by today's standards.
Not only is the entire plot/conflict intriguing, but I could tell why a 23-year-old like me living in 2009 has seen/heard of the film's most memorable lines. For example, Bogart says, "Here's looking at you, kid" to Bergman a few times in the film and to me it was reminiscent of the late Patrick Swayze saying "ditto" (a word I despise by the way) to Demi Moore in Ghost (1990). Also the French Police Chief says, "Round up the usual suspects," which I must assume was the inspiration for the title of the 1995 film The Usual Suspects.
2.) Risky Business (1983)
In the film that helped launch his career into super stardom Tom Cruise plays a high schooler who's parents leave him alone in their house for a week. The entire movie is textbook '80's. In fact, it reminded me a little bit of another '80's cult favorite Weird Science (1985). In the film Cruise's character not only needs to find a boatload of cash to pay for the restoration of his father's Porsche (which ends up in the bottom of a lake), but he also gets into a sticky situation with the pimp of a hooker that he gets involved with. Somehow, someway he gets out of it all by running a brothel in his parent's house the night before they get back. Overall I didn't think too much of the movie, but if you like cheesy '80's plots then give it a whirl.
Perhaps the most memorable part of the movie is when Cruise's character sings Bob Segar's "Old Time Rock and Roll" while wearing tighty whities, socks, and a button up/down shirt. A quick aside- isn't it interesting that shirts of that nature can be called both button ups and button downs even though the words up and down are opposites? Quite frankly, I'm going to call them button downs from here on out because that is how I button them (from the top down). This scene has recently been reinvented with college basketball coaches and now Playboy Playmates in advertisements for Guitar Hero; however this is not what I find to be the scene's most egregious representation.
This outfit has become the default last minute Halloween/Party costume for both guys and girls alike. It's more played out than guys that dress up as Doug Funnie's alter ego Quail Man. While we're on the subject, it should be noted that a former roommate of mine once suggested that we throw a Tom Cruise theme party. This was back when theme parties were the cool thing to do (and maybe they still are, I don't know, I'm getting old). The idea was that people would come to the party dressed as their favorite Tom Cruise character (or favorite character from a Tom Cruise movie). Even though it was a great idea we never had the party, although if we ever did I knew exactly what I would have worn.
3.) Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
The film swept the 1980 Academy Awards winning Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Writing for a Screenplay based on material from another medium, so I basically knew that I would have to see it eventually. The movie pitted Dustin Hoffman against Meryl Streep in a custody battle over their 7 year old son. Now if you want to see the movie (and I assume most of you don't) here's your spoiler alert.
Dustin Hoffman's character Ted works in advertising and when he comes home from work one day his wife, Meryl Streep's character, Joanna tells him that she's leaving him. At one point in the conversation, Ted asks her, "What about Billy (their son)?" and Joanna replies by saying that she's not fit to raise him at the moment. Ted holds out hope that Joanna is going to come back, but once weeks turn into months he starts to accept the fact that she isn't.
As the next year and a half go by we see Ted and Billy grow together as father and son. Naturally there are some rocky moments, but Ted makes the best of the situation and always puts Billy ahead of work/social life.
Then, out of nowhere, Joanna shows up and says that she wants Billy back. We find out that she went to California and "found a really good physciatrist" that helped her get her head on straight. She sues for custody and as you can tell by the name of the film it goes to court.
In the heat of the coutroom Ted's lawyer grills Joanna and makes her admit that 1.) she's been a failure in every relationship that she's ever had and 2.) Ted never hit her, cheated on her, drank alcohol in excess, or failed to provide for her or Billy.
Sure enough the judge rules in favor of Joanna which made me furrrrious. This broad packs up and leaves her husband for no good reason. She walks away from her 6 year old son without thinking twice. She goes to California to "find herself". Sees a physchiatrist. Comes back a year and a half later and demands to have custody of the very son that she walked out on? She's clearly not mentally stable, but the judge still rules in her favor? Are we serious??
In the past few weeks two of my best friends have all but praised Netflix, so I finally took their advice and signed up. Honestly, I don't know why a self proclaimed movie buff like myself didn't have an account sooner. Maybe it was my loyalty to the Blockbuster brand that held me off for this long. Last summer renting movies from Blockbuster was the method to my movie watching madness. My parents paid $20 a month and we got to rent two movies at a time. I went there so often that I was practically on a first name basis with the guy that worked there. By that I mean I knew that his name was Chris because he wore a name tag. He never asked me for my name, but it was clear that he recognized me based on my regular business.
That being said, Blockbuster is the past and Netflix is the future. For only $8.99 a month I can rent as many movies as time will allow. The number of movies I end up renting per month will be based on how quickly I watch the movies once I get them and how quickly the United States Postal Service sends them to and fro the Netflix warehouse closest to my apartment. Think about this for a minute. If you see a movie in theaters you're usually paying anywhere from $9-$11.50 (for yourself) and if you rent 2 movies from Blockbuster or Hollywood Video it usually costs about $8-$10. I figure that if I rent 3 movies from Netflix per month (I think I'll probably end up renting 7-8) I'll be saving money/getting a deal.
Now not only is Netflix convenient because I don't have to leave my apartment to rent movies, but they take care of all the shipping costs and there are no late fees. They send you a movie in the mail. You watch it and then send it back. Then they send you whatever movie you have selected next on your queue.
Which brings us to the online Netflix experience. Once you sign up for Netflix you get an online account/username what have you. On your account you create your queue, which is a list of the movies that you want to see. Like I said before, once you send Netflix a movie back in the mail they send you whatever you have next on your queue. Also on your account they have you rate movies that you've already seen and based on your ratings they offer suggestions (which are fairly accurate) of movies that you might like. The more movies that you rate the more accurate the suggestions.
As if Netflix couldn't get any better they offer hundreds of movies that you can view instantly online. Watching movies instantly does not affect your queue whatsoever.So far I've seen one movie that Netflix has sent me (and they've emailed me to tell me that another one is on the way) and three instantly online, which I'll breakdown right now.
1.) Casablanca (1942)
I've long heard that Casablanca (which I believe is Spanish for white house) is one of the greatest movies of all time, so it's been on my radar for a while. Sure it's in black and white, but it won the Oscar for Best Picture and it's routinely referenced on Jeopardy. Based on those two facts I needed to see it.
Even with these lofty expectations, I still thoroughly enjoyed the film. Humphrey Bogart is the absolute man. He's got that Don Draper cocky, cool, and confident quality to him. Also there's something about Ingrid Bergman. She must have been the lure of every man back in the '40's because she's still good looking even by today's standards.
Not only is the entire plot/conflict intriguing, but I could tell why a 23-year-old like me living in 2009 has seen/heard of the film's most memorable lines. For example, Bogart says, "Here's looking at you, kid" to Bergman a few times in the film and to me it was reminiscent of the late Patrick Swayze saying "ditto" (a word I despise by the way) to Demi Moore in Ghost (1990). Also the French Police Chief says, "Round up the usual suspects," which I must assume was the inspiration for the title of the 1995 film The Usual Suspects.
2.) Risky Business (1983)
In the film that helped launch his career into super stardom Tom Cruise plays a high schooler who's parents leave him alone in their house for a week. The entire movie is textbook '80's. In fact, it reminded me a little bit of another '80's cult favorite Weird Science (1985). In the film Cruise's character not only needs to find a boatload of cash to pay for the restoration of his father's Porsche (which ends up in the bottom of a lake), but he also gets into a sticky situation with the pimp of a hooker that he gets involved with. Somehow, someway he gets out of it all by running a brothel in his parent's house the night before they get back. Overall I didn't think too much of the movie, but if you like cheesy '80's plots then give it a whirl.
Perhaps the most memorable part of the movie is when Cruise's character sings Bob Segar's "Old Time Rock and Roll" while wearing tighty whities, socks, and a button up/down shirt. A quick aside- isn't it interesting that shirts of that nature can be called both button ups and button downs even though the words up and down are opposites? Quite frankly, I'm going to call them button downs from here on out because that is how I button them (from the top down). This scene has recently been reinvented with college basketball coaches and now Playboy Playmates in advertisements for Guitar Hero; however this is not what I find to be the scene's most egregious representation.
This outfit has become the default last minute Halloween/Party costume for both guys and girls alike. It's more played out than guys that dress up as Doug Funnie's alter ego Quail Man. While we're on the subject, it should be noted that a former roommate of mine once suggested that we throw a Tom Cruise theme party. This was back when theme parties were the cool thing to do (and maybe they still are, I don't know, I'm getting old). The idea was that people would come to the party dressed as their favorite Tom Cruise character (or favorite character from a Tom Cruise movie). Even though it was a great idea we never had the party, although if we ever did I knew exactly what I would have worn.
3.) Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
The film swept the 1980 Academy Awards winning Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Writing for a Screenplay based on material from another medium, so I basically knew that I would have to see it eventually. The movie pitted Dustin Hoffman against Meryl Streep in a custody battle over their 7 year old son. Now if you want to see the movie (and I assume most of you don't) here's your spoiler alert.
Dustin Hoffman's character Ted works in advertising and when he comes home from work one day his wife, Meryl Streep's character, Joanna tells him that she's leaving him. At one point in the conversation, Ted asks her, "What about Billy (their son)?" and Joanna replies by saying that she's not fit to raise him at the moment. Ted holds out hope that Joanna is going to come back, but once weeks turn into months he starts to accept the fact that she isn't.
As the next year and a half go by we see Ted and Billy grow together as father and son. Naturally there are some rocky moments, but Ted makes the best of the situation and always puts Billy ahead of work/social life.
Then, out of nowhere, Joanna shows up and says that she wants Billy back. We find out that she went to California and "found a really good physciatrist" that helped her get her head on straight. She sues for custody and as you can tell by the name of the film it goes to court.
In the heat of the coutroom Ted's lawyer grills Joanna and makes her admit that 1.) she's been a failure in every relationship that she's ever had and 2.) Ted never hit her, cheated on her, drank alcohol in excess, or failed to provide for her or Billy.
Sure enough the judge rules in favor of Joanna which made me furrrrious. This broad packs up and leaves her husband for no good reason. She walks away from her 6 year old son without thinking twice. She goes to California to "find herself". Sees a physchiatrist. Comes back a year and a half later and demands to have custody of the very son that she walked out on? She's clearly not mentally stable, but the judge still rules in her favor? Are we serious??
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Monday night was the premiere of The Jay Leno Show on NBC at 10 p.m. and even though Jerry Seinfeld was his first guest I didn't watch it. I was at work and didn't bother recording it because I've never really been much of a late night talk show sort of person. In highschool I was either in bed or spitting some awful game to girls via AIM by the time Leno/Letterman were on. In college I was usually awake at 11:30 p.m., but my natural inclination towards politics made me a regular viewer of the Colbert Report as opposed to Leno/Letterman.
Even though it was slotted against Monday Night Football, The Jay Leno Show apparently still got a good number in terms of ratings. One person who did tune in, a loyal reader named Justin from Long Island, made sure that I watched the following clip.
First of all, this guy should have looked real familiar to you (we'll get to more on this in a minute). Secondly, his name is Dan Finnerty (I hope and pray that he is somehow related to the ultimate Fairfield lax bro Brendan)and the name of the group is "The Dan Band", which may or may not be the greatest band name of all time. In fact, I'm selfish enough that if I was ever in a band I'd definitely push for the same name.
In the beginning of the video they show a couple of people saying no to the "free entertainment" which I assume is supposed to suggest that these were actual people and not actors, but I'm not convinced. The girl that says ok to the "free entertainment" has little to no reaction at all during the entire performance. How is she not uncontrollably laughing/getting weirded out? I'm convinced that she either has incredible composure or no emotional capacity whatsoever.
My favorite part of the video, aside from the two backup guys who are hysterical, is how he asks this unfazed chick a number of questions throughout his performance, but only puts the microphone in front of her mouth for a split second before continuing with his lyrics. I don't think she answers a single question mid-song.
Also, is he the perfect amount of creepy, or what? He's not too invasive, but he would certainly make any human being with emotions slightly uncomfortable.
Ok, now if you haven't figured out where you've seen this guy before then you either have the memory of a fish or you haven't seen some of the funniest movies of the decade.
Finnerty first came onto the scene as the wedding singer at the beginning of Old School (2003). The movie was so funny that his part is probably not what you first remember, but there's no way that you've ever listened to this song the same way again.
Finnerty followed that up with a role as the Bat Mitzvah singer in Starsky & Hutch (2004). What he says after the song and Vince Vaughn's subsequent reaction is definitely the best part.
Most recently, Finnerty appeared as the wedding singer in the 2009 comedy The Hangover.
If I had to classify Finnerty (and I don't because who cares what I think) I'd say he's probably a C or D list celebrity. He's almost a modern day Weird Al Yankovic. Case in point, here he is performing Alanis Morissette's song "You Oughta Know".
Finnerty and The Dan Band are great for an hour or so of entertainment, but like Frank Caliendo, they are a novelty act. If you've seen what they do once, you've seen it a thousand times.
Even though it was slotted against Monday Night Football, The Jay Leno Show apparently still got a good number in terms of ratings. One person who did tune in, a loyal reader named Justin from Long Island, made sure that I watched the following clip.
First of all, this guy should have looked real familiar to you (we'll get to more on this in a minute). Secondly, his name is Dan Finnerty (I hope and pray that he is somehow related to the ultimate Fairfield lax bro Brendan)and the name of the group is "The Dan Band", which may or may not be the greatest band name of all time. In fact, I'm selfish enough that if I was ever in a band I'd definitely push for the same name.
In the beginning of the video they show a couple of people saying no to the "free entertainment" which I assume is supposed to suggest that these were actual people and not actors, but I'm not convinced. The girl that says ok to the "free entertainment" has little to no reaction at all during the entire performance. How is she not uncontrollably laughing/getting weirded out? I'm convinced that she either has incredible composure or no emotional capacity whatsoever.
My favorite part of the video, aside from the two backup guys who are hysterical, is how he asks this unfazed chick a number of questions throughout his performance, but only puts the microphone in front of her mouth for a split second before continuing with his lyrics. I don't think she answers a single question mid-song.
Also, is he the perfect amount of creepy, or what? He's not too invasive, but he would certainly make any human being with emotions slightly uncomfortable.
Ok, now if you haven't figured out where you've seen this guy before then you either have the memory of a fish or you haven't seen some of the funniest movies of the decade.
Finnerty first came onto the scene as the wedding singer at the beginning of Old School (2003). The movie was so funny that his part is probably not what you first remember, but there's no way that you've ever listened to this song the same way again.
Finnerty followed that up with a role as the Bat Mitzvah singer in Starsky & Hutch (2004). What he says after the song and Vince Vaughn's subsequent reaction is definitely the best part.
Most recently, Finnerty appeared as the wedding singer in the 2009 comedy The Hangover.
If I had to classify Finnerty (and I don't because who cares what I think) I'd say he's probably a C or D list celebrity. He's almost a modern day Weird Al Yankovic. Case in point, here he is performing Alanis Morissette's song "You Oughta Know".
Finnerty and The Dan Band are great for an hour or so of entertainment, but like Frank Caliendo, they are a novelty act. If you've seen what they do once, you've seen it a thousand times.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Hate List
Last night I was searching online for books that twenty somethings would enjoy (if you have any suggestions let me know) and after I read through a couple of lists it hit me. When's the last time you sat down and actually wrote out a list of any kind? A "to do" list, a grocery list, whatever. Maybe it's that everyone spends all day on their blackberry or that no one has the time, but I feel like lists have become outdated. This, to me anyway, is rather unfortunate because lists can be very helpful. Lists help you remember things. For example, before I went to the grocery store the other day I looked through my kitchen to see what I needed. Aside from the usual items I told myself that I needed new ice trays. Now I'm way too confident in my memory to write out a grocery list, but sure enough when I got back I had forgotten to get new ice trays. It seems trivial and it kind of is because I don't really need ice trays at all, but that feeling when you realize that you forgot something is one that I don't enjoy.
As I got to thinking about lists I was reminded of one that a girl from my high school made a few years back. In the About Me section of her Facebook page she created a list of things that she hates; a "hate" list. For the record, it was more of a pet peeve list, but hate sounds much cooler. She still has the "hate" list up and running and updates it every once in a while. A few examples from her list are: ipod walkers, wet dogs, clouds, seaweed, and widescreen dvds. Now this of course got me thinking of the things that I hate. We'll start with an item from her list that I hate as well.
1.) One word text messages-I have a friend who's notorious for texting people the letter "o" as in "oh" and for angrily texting question marks when someone doesn't respond to a previous text within 10 minutes. Similarily can we please stop texting "k" and "ya" to one another? I mean, I guess the previous texter sometimes deserves a little bit of the blame for posing a simple yes or no question, but would it kill us to write "ok sounds good/ok will do" and "yeah that's right" instead?
2.) Women that keep their maiden name- This, to me, is the ultimate slap in the face. Marriage is a commitment and if you can't sacrifice your maiden name, then why even bother getting married in the first place? When a man asks you to marry him and you say yes, you know going in that it's expected of you to take his last name as your own. Don't get on your high horse like a raging feminist and think about keeping your maiden name in any capacity. This hyphenated shit is out of control. I mean, if you keep your maiden name or try this hyphenated nonsense things will get real messy when you have kids.
3.) Cigarette smoking- This is my number one pet peeve. I can't figure out why twenty somethings smoke cigs. Not only is it extremely unhealthy, it's unattractive. Did the D.A.R.E campaign teach my peers nothing?
I give people above the age of 40 a pass for smoking cigarettes because back then they didn't know how bad they were for their lungs, but kids my age have no excuse for their chain smoking. Cigarette smoking also bothers me because it leads to cigarette breaks. For example, a girl I work with takes about 5 cigarrette breaks per shift. If the workload picks up she "can't handle it" and needs the stress relief of a cig.
It should be noted that I'm no saint when it comes to smoking. I smoke the occasional cigar and hookah, but I would guess that I do about as much harm to my lungs in a year that the average smoker does in a week.
4.) Drew Barrymore- She's unattractive and annoying.
5.) People that wait at a 4-way stop sign until an oncoming car comes to a complete stop before they go- I guess it doesn't hurt to be better safe than sorry, but come onnnn. Isn't it a bit over cautious to assume that everyone is going to blow right through a stop sign?
6.) Pocket dialing- A friend from highschool that I virtually never speak to must have pocket dialed me 15 times in June/July. I answered the first few times thinking he had something relevant to tell me, but all I heard was mumbled conversation. The next few times I just silenced the calls and moved on with my life. Then I started hitting ignore and calling him right back, but he never answered. Then one time I answered, hung up and sent him a text that said, "Dude, what's goin on here? You keep pocket dialing me?" He responded by saying, "No I didn't. I just wanted to see how youre doing." I was literally stunned. This clown had been pocket dialing me for a month and when I called him out on it he tried to play it off like he was trying to keep in touch. Un-beeeee-lievvvv-able. Sure enough I got two more pocket calls from him later that week.
7.) Touchdown. Commercial. Kickoff. Commercial.- There are plenty of enough natural breaks in a football game (touchdowns/field goals, changes of possession, timeouts, the end of quarters, and the two minute warnings) for commercials.
8.) The word "cliche"- I have a long standing belief that the word "cliche" is overused. To me, it's a catchy word that every kid in America thought was cool to say. "That's so cliche." "What a cliche answer." etc. I also hate unoriginal (cliche) romantic notions like asking a girl out/to marry you on Valentine's Day/New Year's Eve. I must say, however, that the greatest advice I've ever given was when I told a friend to break up with his long term girlfriend at 11:50 on December 31st by saying that he wanted to start the new year off right.
9.) People that smack their lips when they eat- A few of my former roommates smacked their lips so loud when they ate that I couldn't function within a 20 foot radius of them. Maybe I'm just ultra sensitive about the issue because my brother and I used to yell at each other for doing it as kids at the dinner table, but it's like nails on a chalk board to me now.
10.) The "Happy Bday (Insert name here)" Facebook wall post- If you know someone well enough to write a happy birthday message on their Facebook wall then take a little time and think of something else to say other than just "Happy Bday (Insert name here)"
Now I'll continually update this list whenever I think of more things that I hate. Suggestions are welcome.
As I got to thinking about lists I was reminded of one that a girl from my high school made a few years back. In the About Me section of her Facebook page she created a list of things that she hates; a "hate" list. For the record, it was more of a pet peeve list, but hate sounds much cooler. She still has the "hate" list up and running and updates it every once in a while. A few examples from her list are: ipod walkers, wet dogs, clouds, seaweed, and widescreen dvds. Now this of course got me thinking of the things that I hate. We'll start with an item from her list that I hate as well.
1.) One word text messages-I have a friend who's notorious for texting people the letter "o" as in "oh" and for angrily texting question marks when someone doesn't respond to a previous text within 10 minutes. Similarily can we please stop texting "k" and "ya" to one another? I mean, I guess the previous texter sometimes deserves a little bit of the blame for posing a simple yes or no question, but would it kill us to write "ok sounds good/ok will do" and "yeah that's right" instead?
2.) Women that keep their maiden name- This, to me, is the ultimate slap in the face. Marriage is a commitment and if you can't sacrifice your maiden name, then why even bother getting married in the first place? When a man asks you to marry him and you say yes, you know going in that it's expected of you to take his last name as your own. Don't get on your high horse like a raging feminist and think about keeping your maiden name in any capacity. This hyphenated shit is out of control. I mean, if you keep your maiden name or try this hyphenated nonsense things will get real messy when you have kids.
3.) Cigarette smoking- This is my number one pet peeve. I can't figure out why twenty somethings smoke cigs. Not only is it extremely unhealthy, it's unattractive. Did the D.A.R.E campaign teach my peers nothing?
I give people above the age of 40 a pass for smoking cigarettes because back then they didn't know how bad they were for their lungs, but kids my age have no excuse for their chain smoking. Cigarette smoking also bothers me because it leads to cigarette breaks. For example, a girl I work with takes about 5 cigarrette breaks per shift. If the workload picks up she "can't handle it" and needs the stress relief of a cig.
It should be noted that I'm no saint when it comes to smoking. I smoke the occasional cigar and hookah, but I would guess that I do about as much harm to my lungs in a year that the average smoker does in a week.
4.) Drew Barrymore- She's unattractive and annoying.
5.) People that wait at a 4-way stop sign until an oncoming car comes to a complete stop before they go- I guess it doesn't hurt to be better safe than sorry, but come onnnn. Isn't it a bit over cautious to assume that everyone is going to blow right through a stop sign?
6.) Pocket dialing- A friend from highschool that I virtually never speak to must have pocket dialed me 15 times in June/July. I answered the first few times thinking he had something relevant to tell me, but all I heard was mumbled conversation. The next few times I just silenced the calls and moved on with my life. Then I started hitting ignore and calling him right back, but he never answered. Then one time I answered, hung up and sent him a text that said, "Dude, what's goin on here? You keep pocket dialing me?" He responded by saying, "No I didn't. I just wanted to see how youre doing." I was literally stunned. This clown had been pocket dialing me for a month and when I called him out on it he tried to play it off like he was trying to keep in touch. Un-beeeee-lievvvv-able. Sure enough I got two more pocket calls from him later that week.
7.) Touchdown. Commercial. Kickoff. Commercial.- There are plenty of enough natural breaks in a football game (touchdowns/field goals, changes of possession, timeouts, the end of quarters, and the two minute warnings) for commercials.
8.) The word "cliche"- I have a long standing belief that the word "cliche" is overused. To me, it's a catchy word that every kid in America thought was cool to say. "That's so cliche." "What a cliche answer." etc. I also hate unoriginal (cliche) romantic notions like asking a girl out/to marry you on Valentine's Day/New Year's Eve. I must say, however, that the greatest advice I've ever given was when I told a friend to break up with his long term girlfriend at 11:50 on December 31st by saying that he wanted to start the new year off right.
9.) People that smack their lips when they eat- A few of my former roommates smacked their lips so loud when they ate that I couldn't function within a 20 foot radius of them. Maybe I'm just ultra sensitive about the issue because my brother and I used to yell at each other for doing it as kids at the dinner table, but it's like nails on a chalk board to me now.
10.) The "Happy Bday (Insert name here)" Facebook wall post- If you know someone well enough to write a happy birthday message on their Facebook wall then take a little time and think of something else to say other than just "Happy Bday (Insert name here)"
Now I'll continually update this list whenever I think of more things that I hate. Suggestions are welcome.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Looking Back at Last Weekend
I’ve been in a fantasy football league with my friends from highschool for the past 9 years. Back in January a few of my friends decided that we should get together for a weekend in late August for our draft. The thought was, if we start this fantasy football guy’s weekend tradition now, in 10 years when we’re married with kids we can tell our wives that it’s something that we’ve always done and that will make it harder for them to prevent us from going. Also, a few of us have moved away from the city of hopes and dreams (Syracuse) so it would be nice to get together for a weekend to catch up, play golf, etc. Thankfully my friends had the foresight to plan this weekend back in January because it gave me a chance to request the weekend off from work (I work on weekends). Once we decided on the weekend we then had to decide on where to go. There was talk of Vegas, Florida, and Arizona, but low and behold we ended up in Ocean City, NJ because our friend Browny’s parents have a summer house there. Clutch not to have to pay for an airline ticket and a hotel.
As part of the weekend, my buddy Alex, who lives in Baltimore, started looking for golf courses in the area that we could play. It should be noted that Alex and Browny really championed the whole fantasy weekend idea. Now Alex, who works for M&T Bank, also runs a few sports websites in his free time. One of them is a sports handicapping site and for the life of me I can’t figure out why anyone would pay money to get Alex’s picks, especially because he occasionally asks me who I like in certain games, but apparently the site is profitable. The other site is more of a sports information, blog type deal. Now what you have to understand about Alex is that he is probably the most persuasive kid in America. I mean, he could probably convince a prostitute to pay him for sex. Okay, maybe not, but the kid is incredibly talented. He called up this real nice course in Ocean City (the #3 ranked course in NJ) and told them that he has this website and that he was going to be in the area in late August and would love to write a feature on the course if they gave him and his friends a discount on the greens fees. The course usually costs about $100 to play on a Friday morning, but they agreed to let us play for $25 each. They schedule our tee time for 8:20 a.m.
In the weeks leading up to the Ocean City weekend, Alex sent me a number of emails asking if I’d be interested in helping him write the feature on the course. There was no way I could say no after he saved me $75 so we tossed a few ideas back and forth and finally decided on a retrospective diary. I know ESPN.com’s Bill Simmons just unveiled a retrospective diary about his fantasy football draft weekend with his friends in Vegas, but that had no bearing on this post. I have the emails to prove it. I won’t get into what happened during our draft because it would take too long, but let’s just say there was an awkward moment involving girlfriends and blowjobs.
So last Wednesday I find out that my friends aren’t getting to Browny’s Ocean City house until 11 p.m. on Thursday and I have to make it there at some point because of our early tee time. It just so happens that Thursday is my cousin’s birthday so instead of sitting around in Hartford all day (which is what I usually do) I decide to meet him in NYC for dinner with his parents and girlfriend. I drive to my cousin’s apartment in Hoboken, NJ (my halfway point on the long trek to Ocean City) and take the PATH into the city from there. This is what happened from that point until the end of our golf round on Friday.
6:01- After circling the block five times I finally park my car right in front of my cousin’s apartment. Thankfully I didn’t have to parallel park, or else I might have been there all night.
6:03- My cousin calls to check on my status. It strikes me that on a day that I should be going out of my way to get in contact with him, he has IMed, texted, and called me. All I did was write a message on his Facebook wall. So much for being the best man at his wedding....
6:06- I creepily get changed while still in the driver’s seat of my car.
6:35- I get off the subway at 23rd and 6th. The restaurant is located on 22nd and 3rd, but I, of course, have no clue which direction that is. I follow my instincts and make a right.
6:39- After walking down what seems like the longest city block of all time I see a street sign that says, “7th Street.” Fuck!! I had gone in the wrong direction. Is it just me, or should there be signs when you exit the subway that tell you which direction to walk?
6:40- Instead of stopping in my tracks and turning around, I avoid the embarassment and casually turn onto 7th and then take the next street, which thankfully turns out to be 22nd, back in the right direction.
6:47- I finally meet my cousin on a street corner. He tells me that his parents are already in the restaurant waiting for us.
6:52- We meet up with my cousin’s girlfriend. I’m sweating profusely. She must think I just ran the NYC marathon. God bless her soul, she hugs me hello anyway.
7:02- We have an awkward run in with a girl we all knew in college. My cousin’s girlfriend does most of the talking, while me, my cousin, and this girl’s boyfriend just stand there waiting for the conversation to end.
7:07- We enter the Irish pub and although I’ve never been there, I feel like I’m in Ireland. For some reason there’s sawdust all over the floor. Without missing a beat, my uncle orders me a beer, a Guinness of course.
7:22- Our waiter, who has a thick Irish brogue, gives me a death stare after I order my corned beef sandwich on white instead of the traditional rye. What can I say? I’m only 50% Irish.
7:36- Round 2 of Guinness for my uncle, cousin, and me.
7:55- Our waiter tells us that he’s a 64 year old great-grandfather. I immediately start doing the math in my head and conclude that either his daughter or granddaughter must have given birth around the age of 12. Why was he so forthright with this information?
8:08- Our waiter brings over a bottle of Jameson and pours each of us a shot.
8:08:30- I take a whiff of my shot. Bad idea. My cousin rips his.
8:09- I man up and slam mine. I feel a slight warming sensation go through my body. A few new hairs sprout on my chest. Thankfully my corned beef sandwich stays down.
8:17- My Uncle asks if I want another Guinness. Can’t say no, right?
9:40- My cousin, his girlfriend, and I make it back to Hoboken and decide to meet a bunch of our friends at a non-descript bar for a drink to celebrate my cousin’s birthday.
10:15- I leave the bar because I still have a 2 and half hour drive ahead of me.
10:18- New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain walks into the bar that I had just left. My cousin and his girlfriend, who like Joba is from Nebraska, talk to Joba for a solid 20-25 minutes. If I was there I would have asked him either why he wears his hat with a flat brim or why the Yankees are babying him.
10:30- I’m lost and driving through Journal Square and Jersey City. Not nice neighborhoods.
11:20- I finally make it to the Garden State Parkway. Only 90 miles to go.
12:18- I go through another toll where I’m required to throw exactly $1 in change into a bin before I can proceed. I’m running low on quarters and have to dig for five dimes.
12:48- I finally make it to Browny’s house and all of my friends are sitting around the TV watching the Syracuse v. UConn 6 OT from this year’s Big East Tournament. I’m not surprised at all.
1:10- The four of us golfing at the crack of dawn the next day decide on teams. It’s Alex and Mikey vs. Hermo and me.
1:45- We finally all decide to go to sleep. I have been assigned to sleep in the master bedroom with Browny. Although the bathroom has ‘his’ and ‘her’ sinks, we take turns.
1:58- I think we are just going right to sleep because I have to wake up in 5 hours, but Browny and I start up a conversation. Somehow we end up playing a fascinating game. One of us would say the name of someone that we went to high school with and the other would have to say what they thought that person was doing at that exact moment. For example, I said Andy Whackel. Browny then said that on Thursday night at 2 a.m. the Whack Attack was in his parents basement, 7 red bulls deep, playing a version of Halo that hasn’t been released yet.
2:35- The conversation eventually dwindles down and I get some shut eye for the big golf match in the morning.
6:58- I get a text from Mikey that reads, “Now on the tee, from Fairfield, CT….” Even though I live in Hartford, I still appreciate his enthusiasm.
7:00- My alarm goes off. I notice Browny is no longer in the enormous bed. Why he's up that early, I dont know. Maybe he's just really excited for our fantasy draft that night.
7:31- Alex, Mikey, Hermo, and I pile into my car and head for Twisted Dunes Golf Course. It looks like it’s about to downpour.
7:42- The Arabic men working at Dunkin Donuts can’t understand us and we can’t understand them. The only one that makes any sense just repeatedly asks us if we want “HOT OR ICE COFFEE? HOT OR ICE??” After a lot of pointing and gesticulating they get 3 out of the 4 of our orders correct. Not bad considering, I guess.
7:55- We pull into Twisted Dunes and I cruise right past the bag drop while scanning for the clubhouse.
7:57- As Hermo, Alex, and I are putting on our golf shoes (Mikey is a sneakers guy) a man pulls up on a cart and takes our four bags for us.
8:00- We enter the clubhouse and pay our $25 for the round. I half expect the employees to give us a look like “These are the writers that we gave a discount to?” but they are over the top nice. Alex and Mikey each also buy a bucket of range balls. Hermo and I proclaim that we are cold turkey players.
8:02- Mikey, thinking that his coffee has run right through him, enters the bathroom. It’s a false alarm.
8:04- Back at my car, I mention how it looks like it’s going to rain for days. Mikey mentions that the guy in the clubhouse said that it’s going to blow right over. I say that every guy in the clubhouse says that, but Mikey assures me that this guy wasn’t just saying it because he was watching the Doppler.
8:06- Mikey, Hermo, and I walk over to the bag drop and try to figure out how much we should tip the guy that grabbed our clubs for us. In an unprecedented move, Mikey takes command and tips the guy $4.
8:10- As Mikey and Alex make their way to the range, it starts to rain. It gets pretty aggressive rather quickly so the Twisted Dunes staff directs us into the cart barn.
8:20- It looks like sheets of rain are falling from the sky as our tee time passes.
8:22- Perhaps a little too into guy’s weekend, Alex suggests for the second time that we run 200 yards through the rain and get an alcoholic drink at the clubhouse.
8:32- Alex sticks his 9-Iron up in the air outside the back of the cart barn as if it’s a lightning rod. I wonder what would happen if the club was actually struck with a bolt of lightning. It’s metal and all, but there’s also a rubber grip that he's holding onto. My parents always used to tell me that cars were a safe place to be during a thunderstorm because of the rubber tires. So I’m curious to know how much protection, if any, the rubber would provide him with? Food for thought, I guess.
8:45- No signs of this monsoon letting up.
9:00- Apparently the guy in the clubhouse wasn’t just saying that it was going to blow over because the rain is magically gone.
9:02- Alex persuades the starter to let us start out on the back.
9:08- Alex tosses a tee up in the air to determine what order we will tee off in. Mikey sprays way right. I don’t go as far right, but I still have to take a drop. Alex’s ball doesn’t get airborne and ends up in the thick brush right in front of us. Hermo does the same. We are all thankful that no one was watching.
9:10- Twisted Dunes must have a really nice drainage system because the fairways are in very good condition. The only problem is the sand traps. They are exquisite and high arcing, but because of this the rain has left puddles in them all. Because none of us are really any good at golf and the puddles are out of control we decide to give ourselves free drops out of the sand for the entirety of the round. This decision surely shaves at least 10 strokes of our scorecards.
9:18- Mikey’s bogey on the 10th wins them the hole
9:38- After a par that squared our match on 12, I have the honors at the par-3 13th. The hole is about 175 yards away and there is water basically everywhere you look, especially all along the right hand side. I grab my 4-iron, close my eyes, and somehow end up on the back of the enormous green.
9:39- After Mikey parks one in the sand trap just to the left of the green, Hermo takes out his 6-iron and goes pin hunting. Off the club his ball is slightly left of the pin but is slowly fading right. We all think it’s going to go in the hole, but it fades a little too much and splashes into the water. For some reason I nominate it for the shot of the day.
9:40- Alex’s turn- Splash. Hermo hits another one just for fun and again it’s right at the pin, but splash. Just a little long. I make a joke about how his forearms got so strong.
9:50- With the water now on my right on the 14th I hook my drive about a mile left. I’m now onto sleeve #2 of golf balls.
9:58- Hermo sticks his second shot onto the green from about 210 yards out. Probably the actual shot of the day, but he would 3 putt for bogey.
10:02- Somehow Mikey scales a 30 foot dune and finds his ball. He then hits a ridiculous shot that lands just off the green.
10:58- I open sleeve #3
11:09- Mikey finds himself on the top of another incredibly high and steep dune. Hermo, an 8th/9th grade teacher, tells him to be careful.
11:20- After nine holes we are all square. Mikey, Alex, and I run in to get a quick bite at the turn.
11:22- The girl working the food stand thinks she’s a lot more attractive than she is. I detect a hint of Jersey ‘tude and I don’t like it.
11:23- I’m astounded at how big the hot dogs are. Joey Chestnut might struggle to down 10 of these bad boys. I slobber mine with mustard and relish and try to forget about the 51 I just had on the front.
11:34- Hermo and I both reach the 1st green in regulation, but my birdie putt goes about 15 feet past the hole. Don’t ask me how I managed that. Hermo’s birdie chance isn’t much better. We both finish with three putt bogeys, but still win the hole.
11:52- I open sleeve #4
11:56- Alex says, “Man, these dunes are twisted,” for the 8th time.
12:05- Another three putt bogey for Hermo. His 3rd of the day. I can’t really say much though because he is carrying our team on the back nine.
12:20- I mistakenly pick up Alex's ball. Once I become aware of my mistake I throw his ball right back to where it was.
12:24- Alex duffs his shot, but hits again on the grounds that I in some way messed with his rhythm. His second shot ends up about 1 foot from the hole.
12:36- Hermo and I are up two holes with 4 holes to play. I lose my drive and subsequent 3rd shot out of play. I’m banking on Hermo again, but after a good drive he falls apart and puts a 9 on the board.
12:44- After another drive of mine goes awry I throw my driver as if it’s an odd occurrence to see my ball not go straight.
12:46- After a few hours of open sky, it starts to drizzle once again.
12:49- Alex sinks a 15 foot putt for par and our match is now tied with two holes to play.
12:52- As we approach the 8th hole (a par-3) we see a woman sitting in a chair right by the tee box. She looks and acts exactly like our friend RJ’s mom. She starts to tell us about this absurd promotion, but Alex quickly tells her to just stop talking and explains that we are in a heated battle. I even go as far as to ask her to look away while I tee off because I can’t handle the audience.
12:56- About 5 times throughout our round, someone had stolen honors and hit a nice tee shot, so I quickly commandeer the tee box, but I hit my tee shot into a bush just to the right of the green.
12:57- Mikey ends up short and left of the green, Hermo parks his shot on the dance floor, and Alex goes well short and in some thick brush.
1:01- Hermo, the king of the three putts all day, two putts for par and puts the pressure on Mikey.
1:02- With the rain starting to pick up, Mikey yanks his 8 foot par putt left. Hermo and I now have them stymied with only one hole to play.
1:05- As we ride over to the 9th hole it starts to rain like it did when we were in the cart barn. RJ’s mom has long since packed it up and headed for cover.
1:06- Alex is saying that we should man up and play in the rain, but it’s really coming down so we call it a day and head back in. In retrospect, it would have been a much better story if we had stuck it out and finished, but this rain was ferocious.
1:10- Although we were one up with one hole to play, Hermo and I can’t claim victory because we didn’t finish the round. We don’t even really care because at this point we just want to get dry, drunk, and our fantasy draft started.
1:34- As we get back, I tell Alex, Mikey, and Hermo to get their Dunkin Donuts trash out of my car, but no one as much as flinches.
1:36- In the course of picking up all the trash myself, I grab an iced coffee container that is about a quarter of the way full and it spills all over my chest. For some reason I blame Hermo even though he is the only one that didn’t have coffee.
As part of the weekend, my buddy Alex, who lives in Baltimore, started looking for golf courses in the area that we could play. It should be noted that Alex and Browny really championed the whole fantasy weekend idea. Now Alex, who works for M&T Bank, also runs a few sports websites in his free time. One of them is a sports handicapping site and for the life of me I can’t figure out why anyone would pay money to get Alex’s picks, especially because he occasionally asks me who I like in certain games, but apparently the site is profitable. The other site is more of a sports information, blog type deal. Now what you have to understand about Alex is that he is probably the most persuasive kid in America. I mean, he could probably convince a prostitute to pay him for sex. Okay, maybe not, but the kid is incredibly talented. He called up this real nice course in Ocean City (the #3 ranked course in NJ) and told them that he has this website and that he was going to be in the area in late August and would love to write a feature on the course if they gave him and his friends a discount on the greens fees. The course usually costs about $100 to play on a Friday morning, but they agreed to let us play for $25 each. They schedule our tee time for 8:20 a.m.
In the weeks leading up to the Ocean City weekend, Alex sent me a number of emails asking if I’d be interested in helping him write the feature on the course. There was no way I could say no after he saved me $75 so we tossed a few ideas back and forth and finally decided on a retrospective diary. I know ESPN.com’s Bill Simmons just unveiled a retrospective diary about his fantasy football draft weekend with his friends in Vegas, but that had no bearing on this post. I have the emails to prove it. I won’t get into what happened during our draft because it would take too long, but let’s just say there was an awkward moment involving girlfriends and blowjobs.
So last Wednesday I find out that my friends aren’t getting to Browny’s Ocean City house until 11 p.m. on Thursday and I have to make it there at some point because of our early tee time. It just so happens that Thursday is my cousin’s birthday so instead of sitting around in Hartford all day (which is what I usually do) I decide to meet him in NYC for dinner with his parents and girlfriend. I drive to my cousin’s apartment in Hoboken, NJ (my halfway point on the long trek to Ocean City) and take the PATH into the city from there. This is what happened from that point until the end of our golf round on Friday.
6:01- After circling the block five times I finally park my car right in front of my cousin’s apartment. Thankfully I didn’t have to parallel park, or else I might have been there all night.
6:03- My cousin calls to check on my status. It strikes me that on a day that I should be going out of my way to get in contact with him, he has IMed, texted, and called me. All I did was write a message on his Facebook wall. So much for being the best man at his wedding....
6:06- I creepily get changed while still in the driver’s seat of my car.
6:35- I get off the subway at 23rd and 6th. The restaurant is located on 22nd and 3rd, but I, of course, have no clue which direction that is. I follow my instincts and make a right.
6:39- After walking down what seems like the longest city block of all time I see a street sign that says, “7th Street.” Fuck!! I had gone in the wrong direction. Is it just me, or should there be signs when you exit the subway that tell you which direction to walk?
6:40- Instead of stopping in my tracks and turning around, I avoid the embarassment and casually turn onto 7th and then take the next street, which thankfully turns out to be 22nd, back in the right direction.
6:47- I finally meet my cousin on a street corner. He tells me that his parents are already in the restaurant waiting for us.
6:52- We meet up with my cousin’s girlfriend. I’m sweating profusely. She must think I just ran the NYC marathon. God bless her soul, she hugs me hello anyway.
7:02- We have an awkward run in with a girl we all knew in college. My cousin’s girlfriend does most of the talking, while me, my cousin, and this girl’s boyfriend just stand there waiting for the conversation to end.
7:07- We enter the Irish pub and although I’ve never been there, I feel like I’m in Ireland. For some reason there’s sawdust all over the floor. Without missing a beat, my uncle orders me a beer, a Guinness of course.
7:22- Our waiter, who has a thick Irish brogue, gives me a death stare after I order my corned beef sandwich on white instead of the traditional rye. What can I say? I’m only 50% Irish.
7:36- Round 2 of Guinness for my uncle, cousin, and me.
7:55- Our waiter tells us that he’s a 64 year old great-grandfather. I immediately start doing the math in my head and conclude that either his daughter or granddaughter must have given birth around the age of 12. Why was he so forthright with this information?
8:08- Our waiter brings over a bottle of Jameson and pours each of us a shot.
8:08:30- I take a whiff of my shot. Bad idea. My cousin rips his.
8:09- I man up and slam mine. I feel a slight warming sensation go through my body. A few new hairs sprout on my chest. Thankfully my corned beef sandwich stays down.
8:17- My Uncle asks if I want another Guinness. Can’t say no, right?
9:40- My cousin, his girlfriend, and I make it back to Hoboken and decide to meet a bunch of our friends at a non-descript bar for a drink to celebrate my cousin’s birthday.
10:15- I leave the bar because I still have a 2 and half hour drive ahead of me.
10:18- New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain walks into the bar that I had just left. My cousin and his girlfriend, who like Joba is from Nebraska, talk to Joba for a solid 20-25 minutes. If I was there I would have asked him either why he wears his hat with a flat brim or why the Yankees are babying him.
10:30- I’m lost and driving through Journal Square and Jersey City. Not nice neighborhoods.
11:20- I finally make it to the Garden State Parkway. Only 90 miles to go.
12:18- I go through another toll where I’m required to throw exactly $1 in change into a bin before I can proceed. I’m running low on quarters and have to dig for five dimes.
12:48- I finally make it to Browny’s house and all of my friends are sitting around the TV watching the Syracuse v. UConn 6 OT from this year’s Big East Tournament. I’m not surprised at all.
1:10- The four of us golfing at the crack of dawn the next day decide on teams. It’s Alex and Mikey vs. Hermo and me.
1:45- We finally all decide to go to sleep. I have been assigned to sleep in the master bedroom with Browny. Although the bathroom has ‘his’ and ‘her’ sinks, we take turns.
1:58- I think we are just going right to sleep because I have to wake up in 5 hours, but Browny and I start up a conversation. Somehow we end up playing a fascinating game. One of us would say the name of someone that we went to high school with and the other would have to say what they thought that person was doing at that exact moment. For example, I said Andy Whackel. Browny then said that on Thursday night at 2 a.m. the Whack Attack was in his parents basement, 7 red bulls deep, playing a version of Halo that hasn’t been released yet.
2:35- The conversation eventually dwindles down and I get some shut eye for the big golf match in the morning.
6:58- I get a text from Mikey that reads, “Now on the tee, from Fairfield, CT….” Even though I live in Hartford, I still appreciate his enthusiasm.
7:00- My alarm goes off. I notice Browny is no longer in the enormous bed. Why he's up that early, I dont know. Maybe he's just really excited for our fantasy draft that night.
7:31- Alex, Mikey, Hermo, and I pile into my car and head for Twisted Dunes Golf Course. It looks like it’s about to downpour.
7:42- The Arabic men working at Dunkin Donuts can’t understand us and we can’t understand them. The only one that makes any sense just repeatedly asks us if we want “HOT OR ICE COFFEE? HOT OR ICE??” After a lot of pointing and gesticulating they get 3 out of the 4 of our orders correct. Not bad considering, I guess.
7:55- We pull into Twisted Dunes and I cruise right past the bag drop while scanning for the clubhouse.
7:57- As Hermo, Alex, and I are putting on our golf shoes (Mikey is a sneakers guy) a man pulls up on a cart and takes our four bags for us.
8:00- We enter the clubhouse and pay our $25 for the round. I half expect the employees to give us a look like “These are the writers that we gave a discount to?” but they are over the top nice. Alex and Mikey each also buy a bucket of range balls. Hermo and I proclaim that we are cold turkey players.
8:02- Mikey, thinking that his coffee has run right through him, enters the bathroom. It’s a false alarm.
8:04- Back at my car, I mention how it looks like it’s going to rain for days. Mikey mentions that the guy in the clubhouse said that it’s going to blow right over. I say that every guy in the clubhouse says that, but Mikey assures me that this guy wasn’t just saying it because he was watching the Doppler.
8:06- Mikey, Hermo, and I walk over to the bag drop and try to figure out how much we should tip the guy that grabbed our clubs for us. In an unprecedented move, Mikey takes command and tips the guy $4.
8:10- As Mikey and Alex make their way to the range, it starts to rain. It gets pretty aggressive rather quickly so the Twisted Dunes staff directs us into the cart barn.
8:20- It looks like sheets of rain are falling from the sky as our tee time passes.
8:22- Perhaps a little too into guy’s weekend, Alex suggests for the second time that we run 200 yards through the rain and get an alcoholic drink at the clubhouse.
8:32- Alex sticks his 9-Iron up in the air outside the back of the cart barn as if it’s a lightning rod. I wonder what would happen if the club was actually struck with a bolt of lightning. It’s metal and all, but there’s also a rubber grip that he's holding onto. My parents always used to tell me that cars were a safe place to be during a thunderstorm because of the rubber tires. So I’m curious to know how much protection, if any, the rubber would provide him with? Food for thought, I guess.
8:45- No signs of this monsoon letting up.
9:00- Apparently the guy in the clubhouse wasn’t just saying that it was going to blow over because the rain is magically gone.
9:02- Alex persuades the starter to let us start out on the back.
9:08- Alex tosses a tee up in the air to determine what order we will tee off in. Mikey sprays way right. I don’t go as far right, but I still have to take a drop. Alex’s ball doesn’t get airborne and ends up in the thick brush right in front of us. Hermo does the same. We are all thankful that no one was watching.
9:10- Twisted Dunes must have a really nice drainage system because the fairways are in very good condition. The only problem is the sand traps. They are exquisite and high arcing, but because of this the rain has left puddles in them all. Because none of us are really any good at golf and the puddles are out of control we decide to give ourselves free drops out of the sand for the entirety of the round. This decision surely shaves at least 10 strokes of our scorecards.
9:18- Mikey’s bogey on the 10th wins them the hole
9:38- After a par that squared our match on 12, I have the honors at the par-3 13th. The hole is about 175 yards away and there is water basically everywhere you look, especially all along the right hand side. I grab my 4-iron, close my eyes, and somehow end up on the back of the enormous green.
9:39- After Mikey parks one in the sand trap just to the left of the green, Hermo takes out his 6-iron and goes pin hunting. Off the club his ball is slightly left of the pin but is slowly fading right. We all think it’s going to go in the hole, but it fades a little too much and splashes into the water. For some reason I nominate it for the shot of the day.
9:40- Alex’s turn- Splash. Hermo hits another one just for fun and again it’s right at the pin, but splash. Just a little long. I make a joke about how his forearms got so strong.
9:50- With the water now on my right on the 14th I hook my drive about a mile left. I’m now onto sleeve #2 of golf balls.
9:58- Hermo sticks his second shot onto the green from about 210 yards out. Probably the actual shot of the day, but he would 3 putt for bogey.
10:02- Somehow Mikey scales a 30 foot dune and finds his ball. He then hits a ridiculous shot that lands just off the green.
10:58- I open sleeve #3
11:09- Mikey finds himself on the top of another incredibly high and steep dune. Hermo, an 8th/9th grade teacher, tells him to be careful.
11:20- After nine holes we are all square. Mikey, Alex, and I run in to get a quick bite at the turn.
11:22- The girl working the food stand thinks she’s a lot more attractive than she is. I detect a hint of Jersey ‘tude and I don’t like it.
11:23- I’m astounded at how big the hot dogs are. Joey Chestnut might struggle to down 10 of these bad boys. I slobber mine with mustard and relish and try to forget about the 51 I just had on the front.
11:34- Hermo and I both reach the 1st green in regulation, but my birdie putt goes about 15 feet past the hole. Don’t ask me how I managed that. Hermo’s birdie chance isn’t much better. We both finish with three putt bogeys, but still win the hole.
11:52- I open sleeve #4
11:56- Alex says, “Man, these dunes are twisted,” for the 8th time.
12:05- Another three putt bogey for Hermo. His 3rd of the day. I can’t really say much though because he is carrying our team on the back nine.
12:20- I mistakenly pick up Alex's ball. Once I become aware of my mistake I throw his ball right back to where it was.
12:24- Alex duffs his shot, but hits again on the grounds that I in some way messed with his rhythm. His second shot ends up about 1 foot from the hole.
12:36- Hermo and I are up two holes with 4 holes to play. I lose my drive and subsequent 3rd shot out of play. I’m banking on Hermo again, but after a good drive he falls apart and puts a 9 on the board.
12:44- After another drive of mine goes awry I throw my driver as if it’s an odd occurrence to see my ball not go straight.
12:46- After a few hours of open sky, it starts to drizzle once again.
12:49- Alex sinks a 15 foot putt for par and our match is now tied with two holes to play.
12:52- As we approach the 8th hole (a par-3) we see a woman sitting in a chair right by the tee box. She looks and acts exactly like our friend RJ’s mom. She starts to tell us about this absurd promotion, but Alex quickly tells her to just stop talking and explains that we are in a heated battle. I even go as far as to ask her to look away while I tee off because I can’t handle the audience.
12:56- About 5 times throughout our round, someone had stolen honors and hit a nice tee shot, so I quickly commandeer the tee box, but I hit my tee shot into a bush just to the right of the green.
12:57- Mikey ends up short and left of the green, Hermo parks his shot on the dance floor, and Alex goes well short and in some thick brush.
1:01- Hermo, the king of the three putts all day, two putts for par and puts the pressure on Mikey.
1:02- With the rain starting to pick up, Mikey yanks his 8 foot par putt left. Hermo and I now have them stymied with only one hole to play.
1:05- As we ride over to the 9th hole it starts to rain like it did when we were in the cart barn. RJ’s mom has long since packed it up and headed for cover.
1:06- Alex is saying that we should man up and play in the rain, but it’s really coming down so we call it a day and head back in. In retrospect, it would have been a much better story if we had stuck it out and finished, but this rain was ferocious.
1:10- Although we were one up with one hole to play, Hermo and I can’t claim victory because we didn’t finish the round. We don’t even really care because at this point we just want to get dry, drunk, and our fantasy draft started.
1:34- As we get back, I tell Alex, Mikey, and Hermo to get their Dunkin Donuts trash out of my car, but no one as much as flinches.
1:36- In the course of picking up all the trash myself, I grab an iced coffee container that is about a quarter of the way full and it spills all over my chest. For some reason I blame Hermo even though he is the only one that didn’t have coffee.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
College Football Preview
I've had the football itch for a few weeks now, but yesterday I was so amped up that I almost speared everyone in sight. Yesterday was the first semi-cool, Fall-like day around here and football was most definitely in the air. The long wait is finally over as the college football slate officially kicks off tomorrow night with a handful of games. The biggest being #16 Oregon traveling to Idaho to take on #14 Boise State on the blue turf.
Now I personally could care less about these games tomorrow night, but it's great to have football back in my life. The two teams that I genuinely care about (Notre Dame and Syracuse)kick off their seasons on Saturday.
And now a preview of the Irish and the Orange:
Notre Dame
Last season the Irish followed up their historically bad '07 campaign, in which they went 3-9, with what I thought was a rather unimpressive 7-6 season. They did blow the doors off of Hawaii in the Hawaii bowl to notch their first bowl win since '93, but they lost too many games that they should have won. In fact, they lost 3 games in which they had a double digit lead, including their senior day game at home to Syracuse.
This year Notre Dame returns 17 starters (10 on offense) and has a schedule that looks like this. Hopes are high in South Bend this year (Well, not exactly I guess) for a return to national prominence. Coach Charlie Weis seems to be on the hot seat unless he makes it to a BCS game.
Offense
Gone are the days where the Irish lined up and ran the ball down their opponents throats, but nevertheless the Notre Dame offense should be explosive this year. The abysmal running game of the past two years should improve with a more cohesive offensive line and a more experienced backfield led by Armando Allen and Robert Hughes. Also, Junior Quarterback Jimmy Clausen, once heralded as the savior of the Fighting Irish program, is poised to finally reach his potential and have a monster season.
Clausen's assumed success is largely based on three factors. Charlie Weis has re-assumed the play calling duties (screens & draws). The ND receiving corps is one of the best in the nation with Junior WR Golden Tate, Sophomore WR Michael Flloyd, and Sophomore TE Kyle Rudolph. And it appears that Clausen has matured. In an effort to get a few steps ahead in terms of familiarity, timing and camraderie, Clausen invited his three top targets out to his parents' house in California for a week this summer. A year ago I would have assumed that they all went to Clausen's house to represent ND Athletes in the Beer Olympics or to ride some killer waves, but I've heard that the week was virtually all business.
Defense
We lost a lot of good men out there from a year ago (LB Maurice Crum, Jr., S David Bruton, DT Pat Kuntz), but there is plenty of young talent ready to emerge. Everyone is saying that the strength of the Notre Dame defense is their secondary, yet no one is talking about what I believe to be the elephant in the room. Both of ND's safeties are white! Sure Kyle McCarthy and Harrison Smith are aggressive tacklers, but do you trust them in the Cover 2 against Damian Williams? I don't. The reason I'm not nervous about the defense this year is because of freshman LB Manti Te'o. Te'o, who is from Hawaii (Fun fact- He went to the same highschool as President Obama), is the most hyped Notre Dame defensive recruit since Kory Minor back in the early 90's. I can't wait to see this kid fly all over the field and wreak havoc on opposing offenses.
Prediction
Even though ESPN College Football Analysts Lou Holtz and Beano Cook have the Irish going 11-1 and playing for the National title, I think they'll find a way to beat USC, but still lose 2 games. 10-2 will get them to a BCS game and keep Charlie Weis employed for a more legitimate run at the national title in '10.
Syracuse
Boy has it been a wild off season in the city of hopes and dreams. From the end of the Greg Robinson experience to the media circus that is the Greg Paulus experiment. The Orange have really struggled in the past 4 years going 10-37, but for whatever reason there's that sense of hope surrounding the program this year. New Head Coach Doug Marrone seems to be the right man for the job. He played at Syracuse. He wants to be at Syracuse. He bleeds Orange. Marrone's former stint was as the Offensive Coordinator of the New Orleans Saints so the thought is that he'll be able to light a fire in the Orange offense.
Offense
Aside from the story that has kept the national media's attention on the 'Cuse, which we'll get to in a minute, there's a lot to like. First off, addition by subtraction on the offensive line. Waste of space/talent Corey Chavers will no longer be giving defensive ends free passes to the QB, so that's a plus. Star WR Mike Williams is back after missing all of last season because of an academic issue. Also returning is highly touted RB Delone Carter who smells the endzone like a dog who can smell whether or not a tree has been urinated on recently.
Now toss in the former Gatorade National High School Player of the Year Greg Paulus at Quarterback. Sure the former Duke point guard hasn't taken a snap in over four years, but back then he could have gone to any school in the country and played quarterback. It's gotta be like riding a bike, right? Hell, Paulus was rated right up there with New York Jets starting QB Mark Sanchez. The feel good story even has a hometown angle. Paulus is from Syracuse and two of his former highschool targets are WR's for the Orange. How can this go wrong? Either way, the Orange faithful are buzzing with excitement to see what Paulus can do.
This is the shirt they've been selling in the campus bookstore. Oh, how witty.
In case you don't get it, here's an explanation of the two-pronged reference.
1.) The Devil because he was a Duke Blue Devil (and, not for nothing, largely considered the most hated player in college basketball)
and
2.) The Devil Wears Orange being a play on the Movie/Book title The Devil Wears Prada.
Defense
The Defense is led by the most disruptive force this side of the Mississippi: Arthur Jones. Jones is hungry for some sacks in his senior season and you better believe that he's going to eat. ESPN's Mel Kiper Jr. has Jones as the 12th best prospect for next year's NFL Draft and after the season he's about to have he'll probably go 1st. Assuming anyone gets past Arty (and I doubt that anyone will), former RB Doug Hogue will clean up the mess with his speed at outside linebacker. Also, if Arty can't get to the QB in time, expect FS Mike Holmes to patrol the middle and neutralize the opponents' passing game.
Prediction
Nobody, and I mean nobody, comes into the Loud House and pushes the Orange around. Minnesota better stay at home on Saturday because they don't even know what's going to hit them. Honestly, best case scenario is probably 6-6, but that would be a bowl game and that would be awesome.
Now I personally could care less about these games tomorrow night, but it's great to have football back in my life. The two teams that I genuinely care about (Notre Dame and Syracuse)kick off their seasons on Saturday.
And now a preview of the Irish and the Orange:
Notre Dame
Last season the Irish followed up their historically bad '07 campaign, in which they went 3-9, with what I thought was a rather unimpressive 7-6 season. They did blow the doors off of Hawaii in the Hawaii bowl to notch their first bowl win since '93, but they lost too many games that they should have won. In fact, they lost 3 games in which they had a double digit lead, including their senior day game at home to Syracuse.
This year Notre Dame returns 17 starters (10 on offense) and has a schedule that looks like this. Hopes are high in South Bend this year (Well, not exactly I guess) for a return to national prominence. Coach Charlie Weis seems to be on the hot seat unless he makes it to a BCS game.
Offense
Gone are the days where the Irish lined up and ran the ball down their opponents throats, but nevertheless the Notre Dame offense should be explosive this year. The abysmal running game of the past two years should improve with a more cohesive offensive line and a more experienced backfield led by Armando Allen and Robert Hughes. Also, Junior Quarterback Jimmy Clausen, once heralded as the savior of the Fighting Irish program, is poised to finally reach his potential and have a monster season.
Clausen's assumed success is largely based on three factors. Charlie Weis has re-assumed the play calling duties (screens & draws). The ND receiving corps is one of the best in the nation with Junior WR Golden Tate, Sophomore WR Michael Flloyd, and Sophomore TE Kyle Rudolph. And it appears that Clausen has matured. In an effort to get a few steps ahead in terms of familiarity, timing and camraderie, Clausen invited his three top targets out to his parents' house in California for a week this summer. A year ago I would have assumed that they all went to Clausen's house to represent ND Athletes in the Beer Olympics or to ride some killer waves, but I've heard that the week was virtually all business.
Defense
We lost a lot of good men out there from a year ago (LB Maurice Crum, Jr., S David Bruton, DT Pat Kuntz), but there is plenty of young talent ready to emerge. Everyone is saying that the strength of the Notre Dame defense is their secondary, yet no one is talking about what I believe to be the elephant in the room. Both of ND's safeties are white! Sure Kyle McCarthy and Harrison Smith are aggressive tacklers, but do you trust them in the Cover 2 against Damian Williams? I don't. The reason I'm not nervous about the defense this year is because of freshman LB Manti Te'o. Te'o, who is from Hawaii (Fun fact- He went to the same highschool as President Obama), is the most hyped Notre Dame defensive recruit since Kory Minor back in the early 90's. I can't wait to see this kid fly all over the field and wreak havoc on opposing offenses.
Prediction
Even though ESPN College Football Analysts Lou Holtz and Beano Cook have the Irish going 11-1 and playing for the National title, I think they'll find a way to beat USC, but still lose 2 games. 10-2 will get them to a BCS game and keep Charlie Weis employed for a more legitimate run at the national title in '10.
Syracuse
Boy has it been a wild off season in the city of hopes and dreams. From the end of the Greg Robinson experience to the media circus that is the Greg Paulus experiment. The Orange have really struggled in the past 4 years going 10-37, but for whatever reason there's that sense of hope surrounding the program this year. New Head Coach Doug Marrone seems to be the right man for the job. He played at Syracuse. He wants to be at Syracuse. He bleeds Orange. Marrone's former stint was as the Offensive Coordinator of the New Orleans Saints so the thought is that he'll be able to light a fire in the Orange offense.
Offense
Aside from the story that has kept the national media's attention on the 'Cuse, which we'll get to in a minute, there's a lot to like. First off, addition by subtraction on the offensive line. Waste of space/talent Corey Chavers will no longer be giving defensive ends free passes to the QB, so that's a plus. Star WR Mike Williams is back after missing all of last season because of an academic issue. Also returning is highly touted RB Delone Carter who smells the endzone like a dog who can smell whether or not a tree has been urinated on recently.
Now toss in the former Gatorade National High School Player of the Year Greg Paulus at Quarterback. Sure the former Duke point guard hasn't taken a snap in over four years, but back then he could have gone to any school in the country and played quarterback. It's gotta be like riding a bike, right? Hell, Paulus was rated right up there with New York Jets starting QB Mark Sanchez. The feel good story even has a hometown angle. Paulus is from Syracuse and two of his former highschool targets are WR's for the Orange. How can this go wrong? Either way, the Orange faithful are buzzing with excitement to see what Paulus can do.
This is the shirt they've been selling in the campus bookstore. Oh, how witty.
In case you don't get it, here's an explanation of the two-pronged reference.
1.) The Devil because he was a Duke Blue Devil (and, not for nothing, largely considered the most hated player in college basketball)
and
2.) The Devil Wears Orange being a play on the Movie/Book title The Devil Wears Prada.
Defense
The Defense is led by the most disruptive force this side of the Mississippi: Arthur Jones. Jones is hungry for some sacks in his senior season and you better believe that he's going to eat. ESPN's Mel Kiper Jr. has Jones as the 12th best prospect for next year's NFL Draft and after the season he's about to have he'll probably go 1st. Assuming anyone gets past Arty (and I doubt that anyone will), former RB Doug Hogue will clean up the mess with his speed at outside linebacker. Also, if Arty can't get to the QB in time, expect FS Mike Holmes to patrol the middle and neutralize the opponents' passing game.
Prediction
Nobody, and I mean nobody, comes into the Loud House and pushes the Orange around. Minnesota better stay at home on Saturday because they don't even know what's going to hit them. Honestly, best case scenario is probably 6-6, but that would be a bowl game and that would be awesome.
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