How I Met Your Mother: The New Verbiage
There have been a lot of great television shows over the years, but how many have made greater contributions beyond sheer entertainment? And we're not talking about educating people about AIDS or teen pregnancy or anything like that; we're talking about contributing to the English language. Not since Seinfeld introduced us to "close talkers" and "the manssiere" has a show taught us more catchphrases and terminology than How I Met Your Mother.
Even when they're merely using an existing word in a new way -- or just a funnier way -- it feels like the show is teaching us new ways to talk, and, by extension, to live. Here are just a few ways HIMYM has upgraded our personal lexicons.
As far as Seinfeld terms and phrases go I'd also add "you are soooo good looking" and "you think you're better than me? It's go time", along with many, many others.
Reachers and Settlers
In every relationship, there is a Reacher and a Settler. The Reacher is the one who has landed a mate who is in the upper end of their acquirability range, possibly even out of their league. The Settler is the one who has chosen someone in the lower end of their range, knowing full well that they could do better but choosing to go with a lesser catch. Because the Reacher knows that their grasp is tenuous, they are frequently jealous of other potential suitors, while the Settler tends to not be jealous, knowing that the Reacher is unlikely to find anyone better. Supposedly, Marshall is the Reacher in his relationship with Lily, although Lily's violent jealousy confuses the matter somewhat. (Note: If you are in a relationship, it is not wise to discuss who is the Reacher and who is the Settler. That way leads to hurt feelings.)
I've always referred to this phenomenon as "overachievers and underachievers", but this works too. In college I knew a girl that was a classic underachiever/settler. She was smokin' hot, but somehow always hooked up with kids that weren't even close to being on her level. I don't know if it was a confidence issue or what, but it was baddd.
Also, not that I'm in the life lesson giving business, but I don't think that people should ever settle.
On the Hook
When one attempts to steer a potential romantic conquest back to one's apartment, one uses "bait." That bait may be a record collection (Ted), a rap poster (Marshall), a slot machine, a trampoline or a teacup pig (all Barney), but whatever it is, it is designed to lure the object of desire and perhaps get them "on the hook," i.e. romantically interested. However, if someone is on the hook and their romantic feelings are not reciprocated, the "hookee" is doomed to stay on the hook until the "hooker" either reels them in (initiates a relationship), or throws them back in the water (spells out their lack of interest). To keep the hookee on the hook, perhaps as a "safety," the hooker will often say they can't be a couple "right now," implying a future in which them being together is a possibility.
Having someone on your hook is akin to leading them on and I think we can all relate to that. Either we've led someone on (perhaps unintentionally) or we've been led on ourselves. I mean, it's nice to know that you have options, but stringing someone along is cruel.
PS- I can't blame Ted for being on Carrie Underwood's hook. She's in my top 5 of current celebrity crushes along with Lea Michele, Natalie Portman, Lizzy Caplan, and Zooey Deschanel.
New Relationship Syndrome
Also called "New Relationship Smugness," this is the pattern of behavior demonstrated by new couples who think that they have relationships figured out because they live in a world free of conflict. Upon witnessing a couple that argues or disagrees with each other in any way, they immediately assume that that relationship is "in trouble" and try to fix it. Barney and Robin felt that way when they heard about Marshall and Lily's differing dishwashing philosophies, but then, we all know how long their relationship lasted, don't we?
The Mosby
So say there's someone who's interested in you, but you're not interested in them? Marshall has a surefire way to get them to back off, quick. It's called "The Mosby," named for Ted Mosby, who, on his first date with Robin, declared his love for her, thereby causing Robin to slow things down immediately. The two wouldn't date again for the rest of the season. So when Robin needed a way to let a smitten Barney down easily, all she had to do was tell him she loved him, and he immediately lost interest. Mosbied! Granted, that would probably only work on Barney, who typically sees declarations of affection (even his own) as a sign of weakness.
Yeah, no chance this would work in real life. Maybe I should have gone with, "Ted Mosby: Architect", but then I would've gotten into "The Playbook", etc.
Doppelganger
The MacLaren's gang has so far spotted doppelgangers for three out of five of its members. Robin's doppelganger is a short-haired lesbian seen walking in the street with a softball glove. Marshall's is a mustachioed Spanish-language lawyer named "Senor Justicia" who advertises on the sides of buses. And Lily's double is a stripper of Eastern European extraction named Jasmine. We expect to see the other two in due time.
Not only is doppelganger an awesome word because sounds like it's poop related, but it's actually very appropriate because it's another term for a look-a-like.
It's probably because I have a very keen eye (I got new glasses last week), but I've seen plenty of doppelgangers in my day. For example, there was a freshman that used to play basketball at the Rec Plex when I was a senior in college that looked exactly like one of my roommates. For a few months a bunch of us tried to arrange a meeting, but it always fell through. To be honest I feared that worlds might collide if the two were ever in the same room together, but plans for a meeting persisted. Finally the two met, thought that they were looking into a mirror, and about 33764763 pictures (actually more like 3) were taken, but for some reason I can't find any of them.
I would be remiss if I didn't include this picture of my friends and a kid (in the middle) that they seem to think looks like my long lost twin brother.
Front Porch Test
Whenever Ted's been dating a girl for a while, Lily subjects her to the Front Porch Test, in which Lily imagines herself, Marshall, Ted and the girl sitting on the porch of their beach house in their 70s. If Lily can't see it happening, she does what she has to do to split Ted and the girl up. After manipulating Ted to dump a string of girls in college, Lily planted an earring in Ted's bed to get Karen to dump him, then admitted to having kinda-sorta encouraged Ted and Robin to have the talk that led to them breaking up.
I think a lot of people do things like this when thinking about their boyfriend/girlfriend. The Front Porch Test is obviously a long term one, but I think there are plenty of "tests" that a potential mate has to pass. The Family Dinner Test, The Night Out with the Highschool Friends Test, The Concert/Sporting Event Test, etc.
Murtaugh List
Everybody knows what a bucket list is -- it's the list of things you want to do before you die. A Murtaugh list is the exact opposite -- it's a list of things you have to stop doing, right now, before you die. Named after Sgt. Roger Murtaugh of the Lethal Weapon franchise, these are the things that make you say, "I'm too old for this shit/stuff." Ted's Murtaugh list includes doing an all-nighter, going to a rave, sleeping on a futon, piercing your own ear and TP'ing a laser tag establishment, a list that Barney actually makes it nearly all the way through in 24 hours, although he comes out a little worse for the wear.
My Murtaugh list:
sleeping on the floor
funneling brews
smoking weed
video games
"Reading a Magazine"
Marshall has a problem. He doesn't like... "reading a magazine" with other people around. No big deal, it happens to all of us. But he really doesn't like it. In fact, he would rather go all the way to his and Ted's old apartment to "read a magazine" than use his office bathroom. Because everyone he works with can see him bringing the magazine in there, and they know what he's going to do: He's gonna take a crap. (No, Barney, he's not going to masturbate.) Luckily, Marshall got over it, and eventually learned to "read a magazine" with pride. Hopefully, the magazines have stopped speaking to him, too. No, not "magazines." Just regular magazines. That would be gross.
I'll be honest, for the majority of the episode I, like Barney, thought that "reading a magazine" meant masturbating. Pooping in public is a concern for many people though. I, a proud pooper, am even a bit hesitant when it comes to unleashing the fury at work. Turning a communal bathroom into a fume filled hazardous zone simply isn't fun for anybody. While I appreciate the show's handling of this issue, I don't think the term "reading a magazine" is applicable in real life.
On a related note, I was actually thinking the other day that girls are much smarter than guys when it comes to contributing to the flush fund. They take forever in the bathroom regardles of whether it's a one or a two on the agenda. Lord only knows what they're doing, but their indeterminant time spent in the bathroom serves as great cover when they actually have to pinch a loaf.
Guys, on the other hand, are much different. Whenever a guy has to pee he is all business. He drains the dragon, washes his hands, and exits right away. Staying in a male bathroom for an iota longer than they have to is unheard of for a guy. Maybe it's that we're competitive and feel like everything's a race or maybe it's that we're afraid of a girl thinking that we're plopping down in there.
The Naked Man
When a man is on a first date, he can tell whether or not there will be a second date, based on how attractive the woman is, how attractive he is and what sort of chemistry exists. Now, if a man finds himself in a losing situation, he can do two things: he can accept it, see the date to its conclusion, say good-bye and never see that woman again, or he can go for it. All or nothing. Cards on the table. One of Robin's dates chooses the latter. He chooses the Naked Man. When Robin is out of the room, he takes off all of his clothes and presents himself to her upon her return. There are a variety of poses to choose from (the Thinker, the Heisman, the Captain Morgan), and it supposedly works two out of three times. When it works on Robin, the rest of the MacLaren gang decide to try it out. Ted uses it successfully on a girl he doesn't want to take things further with, Lily pulls a Naked Woman on Marshall and ends an argument, and Barney... is thrown out of his disgusted date's apartment without his clothes, wallet or cell phone. Two out of three times, every time.
Now let me just say that this takes some serious kahunas to even attempt (pun, although terrible, intended). I also don't think it would work 2 out of 3 times. I'd go more with 1 out of 20.
I think the real question here, though, is what pose to present your Naked Man in. They offered some great suggestions in the episode and I'm still not sure which one I'd go with (probably because there's no way I'd ever even consider doing this).
Woo Girl
When Lily agreed to go out with a co-worker of hers and get a drink at a cowgirl bar, she had no idea that the woman was a Woo Girl -- that is, a woman who, when excited about something, raises her hand (or hands) or drink (or drinks) above her head and yells "Woooo!" They can be excited about pretty much anything -- it doesn't need to be particularly important, or even something anyone should be proud of. Woo Girls usually travel in packs, and "woo" in unison. Lily is further shocked when she finds out that Robin is also a Woo Girl, and finds herself being left out of Woo Girl gatherings. Lily then tries to be a Woo Girl, too, but Robin points out that she does not "Woo."
This term is incredibly accurate. Not to get deep on you, but "Woo Girl" is a sugar-coated way of saying immature. A lot of high school and college girls "Woo", but at some point they all realize that they have to grow up and become adults.
Suit Up!
If Barney were to give only one piece of advice -- and this is pure speculation, because the man gives advice about everything, whether it's asked for or not -- it would be to get a suit. Suits make you look cool and responsible, and that's why Barney always asks Ted to "Suit up!" before they go out to a bar. Unfortunately, Ted rarely listens, and when he does it's usually just a blazer, which is not a suit. The phrase can also be modified to describe the specific suit needed for a given event, as in "Snowsuit up!" (used when Barney was building the aforementioned igloo), "Flightsuit up!" (when Barney needed a wingman for his Top Gun Halloween costume) and "Penguin suit up!" (another Barney Halloween costume; he goes through about three a night).
This was one of the first terms that the show introduced and it's probably the one that fans of the show use most often. Whenever I wear a suit (which is maybe once a year) I make about 3-4 comments that are "Suit Up!" related. In fact, if I as much as saw a friend wearing a suit I would probably say something to the effect of, "Nice to see that you suited up."
Lawyered!
Marshall was often left out of the single-guy adventures of Ted and Barney -- not just because he was lucky enough to hook up with Lily in his freshman year at college and hang onto her for over nine years, but because he was studying to be a lawyer, which required a lot of late nights, heavy books and long research papers. However, his finely honed analytic mind gives him an advantage over the others, allowing him to see gaps in logic and to solve mysteries beyond the ken of an architect and... whatever it is that Barney does. Hence the rise of Marshall's lone catchphrase, "Lawyered!" While not as ubiquitous as "Suit up," he did put it to great use in proving that prostitution was not, in fact, the world's oldest profession. (It was fishing -- after all, where did cavemen get the fish to pay the prostitutes with?)
This is undoubtedly the best phrase that the show has created. By making the word lawyer a verb (unless it already was, I don't know these things) the show's writers have given Marshall the equivalent of a wrestler's finishing move. Whenever he knows that he has won an argument, legal or otherwise, he drops this phrase on the person he was arguing with and it's over. This is a great term to use among friends, but it's probably 87827353 times better if whoever uses it is actually a lawyer.
General Knowledge!
Technically an inside-joke between Ted and Robin, the use of common, everyday phrases as humorous military titles is not new. For examples, see The Simpsons' "Corporal Punishment," South Park's General Disarray," and Spaceballs' "Major A**hole." But Ted and Robin's penchant for spotting these kinds of phrases in conversations, repeating them in unison and then saluting ("General Knowledge!" "Major Buzzkill!") is exactly the kind of cute, couple-y behavior that friends would start to find aggravating after a while, which is what makes the whole conceit so believable. And while we would never repeat these phrases ourselves -- or, God forbid, salute them -- we can't help but smile every time we hear one spoken aloud, as we think of the adorable Ted and Robin, and how much we want to slap them.
I actually thought this was pretty funny and I think I would definitely laugh if I saw someone do it in real life.
Here are some examples that I thought of off the top of my head.
Major headache
Private matter
General vicinity
Lieutenant Governor
Major organs
Private quarters
The Hot/Crazy Scale
Perhaps Barney's most scientific contribution to the world of dating, the Hot/Crazy Scale is a handy chart indicating how hot a woman has to be in order to make her craziness tolerable in a relationship. As long as the woman isn't crazier than she is hot, she should fall just north of the Vicki Mendoza Diagonal, named for an ex of Barney's who would increase in hotness (losing ten pounds, getting a boob job) even as she increased in crazy (shaving her head, stabbing Barney with a fork). But beware -- if the scales start to tip in the favor of crazy, the woman can fall inside the Shelley Gillespie Zone, named for yet another of Barney's exes, who gained 20 pounds and tried to kill him with a brick. Was she crazy? Or did she just know about Barney's chart? Our money's on the latter.
Gotta love the reference to the Mendoza line, which for you non sports fans is a baseball term for hitting above or below .200.
And from Monday night's episode.....
Drunk or kid?
This term/game is currently sweeping the nation. The idea here is to guess whether someone was drunk or a kid when they did something ridiculous or when something ridiculous happened to them. For example, after Marshall says that he once dropped some bottle rockets in the toilet and then tried to dry them off in the microwave, Robin says that he must have been drunk off of his ass. Barney, however, thinks the act was too stupid for a adult to do, so he suggests that Marshall was a kid when it happened. Well, as it turned out, he was drunk.
No comments:
Post a Comment