That's Amare

First and foremost, I'd like to wish a happy new year to you and yours. Thank you making The Shampoo Effect part of your daily/weekly/monthly browse of the internet. While the rest of the country has slowed down in the last 2 weeks to enjoy the holidays I have been working like a dog for the worldwide leader. It's college football bowl season and outside of Syracuse winning the Pinstripe Bowl (a quick shoutout to my boys who were at the Blarney Stone before going to the game at Yankee Stadium) and Notre Dame restoring order by beating Miami in the Sun Bowl these past two weeks have largely been miserable. One of my few saving graces, though, has been my beloved New York Knicks.

As I've written about previously, the Knicks have been the laughing stock of the league for the past decade. They've failed to make the playoffs since 2001 and have forced fans to suffer through some of the most anemic basketball in the franchise's history. However, after signing All-Star forward Amare Stoudemire in the off season to a 5-year $100 million contract the Knicks have seemingly turned the corner. If the playoffs started today the 19-14 Knicks would be the 6 seed in the Eastern Conference and would square off against the Chicago Bulls, a team they are 2-0 against this season.



Now Amare is not the only reason for this return to competitiveness for the Knicks. Something should also be said about the acquistions of Raymond Felton and Ronny Turiaf, the development of Wilson Chandler and Danilo Gallinari, and the drafting of Landry Fields, but Amare is the main reason. He is a legitimate star. That said, I have continued my streak of ruining classic songs with my own lyrics and have re-written the Italian favorite "That's Amore" and re-named it "That's Amare" (FYI- I can't be the first Knick fan to have tried this). Seriously, I'm like an unfunny, untalented version of Weird Al Yankovic.

First the lyrics to That's Amore:




In Napoli where love is King,
When boy meets girl, here's what they say:

When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie,
That's amore;
When the world seems to shine like you've had too
much wine,
That's a - more.
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella."
Hearts'll play tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay
Like a gay tarantella.
When the stars make you drool joost-a like pasta fa -zool,
That's amore;
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet,
You're in love;
When you walk in a dream but you know you're not dreamin', signore,
'Scusa me, but you see, back in old Napoli, that's amore.


And now my lyrics to "That's Amare"


In NYC where ball is King
When star meets city, here’s what they say:

When you drive through the lane like the number 2 train,
That’s Amare;
When the Garden seems to cheer like fans’ve had too much beer,
That’s A - mare
Your game is rebounds, blocks and dunks, rebounds, blocks, and dunks
And you stand, tall and talented
Fans’ll say he’s the MVP, he’s the MVP
It’s not close I tell ya
When you shoot your free throws with your glasses off your nose
That’s Amare
When you score 30 a night and put the playoffs in sight
You’re an All-Star
When you carry our team even when you’re double teamed, signore
‘Scusa me, but you see, back in new N-Y-C, that’s Amare.

Now I understand that most of you are not Knicks fans, or basketball fans, so I'll quickly explain some of my word choices.

-The number 2 train runs through Penn Station, which is underneath Madison Square Garden
-Amare's self-given (I'm pretty sure) nickname is STAT, which stands for "Standing tall and talented."
-Fans at the Garden chant M-V-P everytime Amare shoots free throws.
-Amare wears rec-specs and when he goes to the free throw line he takes them off of his nose and puts them on the top of his head.
-Amare scored 30 or more points during an 8 game Knicks winning streak earlier this season.