These Kids Aren't Alright

As many of you know I consider myself to be something of a television connoisseur. I DVR more shows than you would imagine. Every once in a while though a television product will slip through the cracks of my screening process and I’ll be left in the dark when it becomes a hot button topic in the pop culture media. Case in point- I’ve never watched an episode of Lost or The Sopranos and most people consider those to be 2 of the best shows of all time. This happened again recently when I noticed a lot of buzz around the AMC show Breaking Bad. I knew the premise of the show- a high school chemistry teacher starts making crystal meth, but I never got around to watching it even though the actors (Bryan Cranston (perhaps best known as Tim Whatley from Seinfeld) and Aaron Paul) racked up Emmy awards year after year. A few months ago my friend Kyle Korver strongly encouraged me to get into the show. He said, “If you’re not watching Breaking Bad you’re missing out,” and he was right. So in the past two weeks I’ve run through the first 3 seasons on Netflix. The season 4 finale aired on AMC a few weeks back so I still have some catching up to do.

I’m not blown away by the show, but there’s no debating its entertainment value. I’d probably give it a 7 out of 10 or 3.7 out of 5 (Netflix subscribers, assuming there are any anymore, know that the rating system is out of 5). It is interesting on some level that shows involving a particular drug are so critically acclaimed. Think about it. Showtime’s Weeds was about marijuana, HBO’s The Wire was about cocaine (at least Season One was- the only one I’ve seen), and AMC’s Breaking Bad is about crystal meth. How many heroin, shrooms, and LSD scripts do you think are out there?

Breaking Bad committed a folly that I see all too often in television series. They cast an annoying child that serves virtually no purpose other than to keep the mother and father of the child in contact with each other. I get why shows do it, but I don’t understand why so many of these children need to be so fucking annoying.

If there was an Emmy for annoying kid in a television series these would be my nominees.

Walter Jr. in Breaking Bad



I can get past the cerebral palsy and the crutches, but the slurred speech, decision to go by Flynn, and stupid website gets to me.


Shane in Weeds



I only watched the first three seasons of this show and what put me over the edge was this little twerp driving a truck/Winnebago (I forget) at the age of 8 and his insistence to move from Southern California to Pittsburgh.


Becca in Californication



She’s ugly, talks in the most annoying voice ever, dresses in all black, is in a shitty punk band, and goes from one extreme mood to the other. I hate her. She is an example of a disgusting child spawned from good looking parents. It also happens the other way where two unattractive people create a gorgeous child.


Sally in Mad Men



She thinks that her baby brother is the ghost of her grandfather plus she smokes a cigarette, drives a car, sees a shrink and finger blasts herself at age 8. Her 2nd grade teacher is a smokeshow though. If this was real life she'd grow up and become a whore.


Astor in Dexter



She’s as irritating as any 14 year old minor character could be. She’s always whining about something, asking Dexter why he hates her, and getting drunk with her random friend.


I don't think there's any doubt that Becca would take home the hardware. She sucks.