The Best of the Second Best

The Rolling Stones are largely considered to be the second best rock band of all time (trailing only The Beatles). I don't enjoy watching them, or any older band that can no longer bring it like they used it, perform on award shows/relief concerts anymore, but I don't think we, and when I say we I mean the people of my generation/twenty-somethings, understand the magnitude of their greatness.

Every once in a while I'll buy a CD (very oldschool, I know) by a particular band (whether it be Def Leppard, The Who, etc.) and be surprised by the amount of songs that I've heard before. Normally I'll know 3-4 pretty well and decide to give the greatest hits album a try. With the Rolling Stones there are at least 25-30 songs that you've heard before.

They are also very much responsible for crafting the image that we all have of rock stars. Drugs, partying, and sex. That stereotype was shaped largley because of how The Rolling Stones went about things. In fact, it's a miracle of modern science that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are still alive at the age of 69.

Last year the band celebrated their 50th year of existence. That's mind blowing.

What I'm about to present to you is obviously paltry by comparision, but maybe you'll learn something about the second best band of all time. Here are what I've deemed to be their ten best songs of all time.


10.) Jumpin’ Jack Flash



They played this song during a timeout of Game 7 of the Western Conference Semi-Finals in the NHL between the Red Wings and Blackhawks the other night. No one thought it sounded out of place even though it debuted 45 years ago.

In a 1995 interview Mick Jagger said that the song is a metaphor for growing out of their acid days.


9.) Beast of Burden

I like this song a lot, but it did give me pause when I learned that Bette Midler covered it.

Mick Jagger has said that this song has no meaning and just represents a vibe/attitude. Keith Richards, perhaps retroactively adding meaning to it, said in 2003 that he wrote the song for Jagger for shouldering the burden of his drug abuse issues.


8.) Start Me Up

This is another song that’s popular at sporting venues across the world. In fact, it was track 1 of my personal pump up CD back in high school (don’t act like you didn’t have one, too). Interestingly “Start Me Up” was recorded in 1975, but didn’t make the cut for two albums before a producer suggesting using unreleased songs on tour in 1981.


7.) Under My Thumb

This song is about the power struggle in a relationship and because the lyrics contain references to the female as a “pet”, “cat”, and “squirming dog” feminists got all hot and bothered with it.


6.) (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

There is no deeper meaning to what I think is the band’s most popular song. It’s about sexual frustration and commercialism.

In 2010 Rolling Stone (sounds biased, but the magazine is actually named the 1950 song “Rollin’ Stone” by Muddy Waters) ranked it #2 in their list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. In 2000, VH1 ranked it #1 in their countdown of the Top 100 Rock Songs.


5.) Paint it Black

As the title suggests this song is about a man who wants everything around him to turn black to match his depressed mood. Some of the lyrics also seem to suggest a death and funeral.

According to Mick Jagger it was another song influenced by drug use, "That was the time of lots of acid. It has sitars on it. It's like the beginnings of miserable psychedelia.” The song was the first that featured a sitar to reach #1 on the singles chart.


4.) Can’t You Hear Me Knocking



This classic was birthed from a simple jam session and the opening riff is absolutely incredible.

The song is featured in such films as Blow, Casino, and The Fighter. Enough said.


3.) You Can’t Always Get What You Want

This song is about trying to find happiness and each of the three verses focus on one of the prevailing themes of the 1960s: love, politics, and drugs.

In a review of this song Richie Unterberger, an American, wrote, "If you buy John Lennon's observation that the Rolling Stones were apt to copy the Beatles' innovations within a few months or so, 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' is the Rolling Stones' counterpart to 'Hey Jude'." Jagger said in 1969, "I liked the way the Beatles did that with 'Hey Jude'. The orchestra was not just to cover everything up—it was something extra. We may do something like that on the next album."


2.) Sympathy For the Devil



This song is sung from the viewpoint of the devil and was inspired by the French writer Charles Baudelaire and the Russian novel "The Master and the Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov.

I love it because 1.) unlike most songs the title is not uttered and 2.) the lyrics are incredible and they make reference to historical events. For example the original lyric of “I shouted out , “Who killed Kennedy?” When after all, it was you and me” was changed to “I shouted out, “Who killed the Kennedys?” When after all, it was you and me” after Bobby was assassinated in 1968.


1.) Gimme Shelter



I will never tire of this song. It was written in response to the unsettling times of the late ‘60s, specifically the Vietnam War. Keith Richards said, “"Well, it's a very rough, very violent era. Violence on the screens, pillage and burning. And Vietnam was not war as we knew it in the conventional sense...That's a kind of end-of-the-world song, really. It's apocalypse; the whole record's like that (Let it Bleed (1979)."

As you can probably ascertain from listening to the beginning this song is featured prominently in movie trailers every year. Movie director Martin Scorsese has used it as the signature theme in Goodfellas, Casino, and The Departed.

The Wait Is Almost Over

Arrested Development’s much anticipated 4^th season will be released on Netflix this Sunday. The shows first three seasons originally aired from 2003 until 2006 on FOX. In order to prepare you for the release I have ranked the nine regular characters.

9.) Lindsay

Brief bio- she is believed to be Michael’s twin sister, but she was actually adopted. She’s married to Tobias and the mother of Maeby. She claims to be a big believer in a number of causes, but is really just a spoiled, ditzy, materialistic daughter of a CEO.

Quotes: Lindsay: I care deeply for nature.
Michael: You’re wearing ostrich-skin boots.
Lindsay: Well, I don’t care about ostriches.

Actor fact- she’s a lesbian and is married to Ellen Degeneres

 

8.) Maeby

Brief bio- she is the daughter of Tobias and Lindsay and the cousin of George Michael. She is relatively normal, but a few of her story arcs are ridiculous. For example, she somehow becomes a movie producer one day after walking onto a set.

Quotes-Maeby: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?

Actor fact- She has a small role in Cedar Rapids (2011), which stars Ed Helms. It is the only other tv show or film that I’ve ever seen her in.

7.) George Michael

Brief bio- he’s played by Michael Cera and is the son of Michael. He has a huge crush on his cousin Maeby and is generally just an awkward teenager.

Quotes- Michael: What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"?

George Michael Bluth: Salad dressing. But I don't want to eat it.
Michael: What about, "Paradise Gardens"?
George Michael Bluth: Yeah... that's better. I can see myself marinating a chicken in that.

Actor fact- The 24-year-old hails from Canada and both of his parents worked for Xerox.

6.) George Sr.

Brief bio- he’s the patriarch of the Bluth family who gets imprisoned due to the shady accounting practices he employed while he was the CEO of the family business. He escapes and spends most of his time in the attic.

Quotes- George Sr.: All right, now look, just because a woman gets pregnant doesn’t mean you have to marry her. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an IUD.

Lucille: It was Stuckey’s.
George Sr.: But I believed you!

George Michael: Hello, Bluth Company.

George Sr.: Talk me off, honey. Talk me off.
George Michael: Talk you off what, PopPop?
George Sr.: Oh, George Michael. I thought you were - when's that voice gonna drop? Put Kitty on the phone.

Actor fact- Jeffrey Tambor was nominated for two Emmys for his work on Arrested Development.

5.) Michael

Brief bio- he’s the second oldest son (shades of The Godfather), who serves as the show’s protagonist. When his father goes to jail he attempts to keep the company, and the family, together. He is the only “normal” character on the show.

Quotes- Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren’t you? I tell you, you can sink your arrow into my buttocks any time.

Michael: Okay, you know what you do? You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing

Michael: [after George Sr. has been handed a jail sentence] They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out.

[silence amongst the family]
Michael: Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen...
[everyone gasps]
Michael: ...Interesting. I would have expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail."

Actor fact- Jason Bateman’s career probably got the biggest boost from his work on Arrested Development. He’s been the leading man in several decent movies, but I’ll always consider his portrayal of Pepper Brooks, the color analyst, in Dodgeball as his magnum opus.

 

4.) Lucille

Brief bio- She’s the alcoholic, controlling matriarch of the Bluth family who says and does whatever she wants.

Quotes- Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.

Lindsay: Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free.

Lucille: Really? Did nothing cancel?

Lucille: Stop playing with Mother’s rape horn. Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace.

Buster: Yeah, like anyone would want to “R” her.

Michael (to G.O.B.): Get rid of the Seaward.
Lucille: I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.

Michael: Why are you squeezing me with your body?

Lucille: It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you.

Lucille: I don't want to leave Buster alone with all the J-U-I-C-E.

Buster: I can spell, Mother; you spelled juice.
Lucille: What a genius. Let's see you find it.

 

3.) Tobias

Brief bio- He’s a never nude (he always wears tight, ripped jean shorts under his clothes), former therapist/analyst, and aspiring actor that’s married to Lindsay.

Quotes- Tobias: I’m afraid I just blue myself.

Tobias: Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!

Tobias: I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.

Michael: There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over: an analyst and a therapist, the world’s first “analrapist.”

Tobias: I can already taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth.

Tobias: [as Mrs. Featherbottom] O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth?

[laughs]
Tobias: Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.

Actor fact- David Cross began his career in stand up comedy. In the early 90s he regularly worked at a NYC club called Catch a Rising Star. Jeanane Garofalo and Louis C.K. were among the other regulars.

 

2.) Buster

Brief bio- he’s the youngest son of the Bluth family. He is socially awkward and very much a momma’s boy. He’s a professional student and gets enlisted in the Army.

Quotes- Michael: Can’t a guy call his mother pretty without it seeming strange?

Buster: Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute!
Michael: I’ve opened a door here that I regret.

Buster: Sister’s my new mother, Mother. And is it just me or is she looking hotter, too?

Actor fact- Tony Hale plays a similar character on HBO’s Veep


1.) Gob

Brief bio- he’s an aspiring ventriloquist/magician who enters the stage to the tune of “Final Countdown”.

Quotes- G.O.B.: Not tricks, Michael, illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money.

G.O.B.: I’m a failure. I can’t even fake the death of a stripper.

G.O.B. (on being a pageant judge): You can’t believe what it does for your sex life.

Michael: I don’t want to hear it.
G.O.B.: I don’t want to say it. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Second place is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third place, although a little bit plain, has super low self-esteem. So I step in and, uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head.

Lucille: Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out?

G.O.B.: She’s not that Mexican, Mom, she’s my Mexican. And she’s Colombian or something. Anyway, it’s over.
Lucille: You’ve got three days.
G.O.B.: Hey … if I can’t find a horny immigrant by then, I don’t deserve to stay here.

Actor fact- Will Arnett has two children with Amy Poehler (they separated in 2012). He’s also an avid Toronto Blue Jays fan which may or may not have elevated him on this list.