Showing posts with label Kelly Clarkson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kelly Clarkson. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

"It was always burning"

As I've stated countless times, one of my goals in life is to memorize the lyrics to Billy Joel's 1989 hit "We Didn't Start the Fire." Sure the song is on VH1's list of the 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs, but I can't get enough of it.

The lyrics recount many important historical events that took place between 1949 (when Joel was born) and 1989 (when Joel wrote the song). In case you couldn't put two and two together, Billy the Kid is a big history buff. For some reason this notion of chronicling his life speaks to me. As you know, I've seen almost every movie that's been nominated for Best Picture in my lifetime.

Last week as I was driving home from work I decided that it would be a good idea to update Joel's classic hit. I knew that he covered 1949-1989, so I figured that I could write new lyrics based on the events of the past 20 years (1990-2010). I thought that this project would only take a few hours, but I completely misjudged the kind of undertaking that it was. Not only is Joel's tune packed with people, facts, and events, but it's also loaded with half rhymes, full rhymes, and different variations of syllables. So for the past week I've been scouring Wikipedia for significant historical events, counting syllables, and consulting rhyming dictionaries.

I still think that this post needs A LOT of work, but I'm sick and tired of wasting my time on a grueling, voluntary task.

Before we get to my updated version, here's a refresher of the lyrics that Joel wrote more than 20 years ago.


Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I", and "The Catcher in the Rye"

Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Zhou Enlai, Bridge On The River Kwai

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California Baseball,
Starkweather homicide, Children of Thalidomide

Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land,
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock

Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz

Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire...





And now without futher ado...




Buster Douglas, Motley Crue, John Gotti, Belarus
No apartheid, free Mandela, Windows 3.0

Boris Yelstin, Rodney King, Desert Storm, CNN
Magic Johnson, HIV, Super Nintendo

LA riots, Dan Quayle, Murphy Brown, Real World
Leno, H.W. gags, and the Dream Team reps the flag

Don't ask, don't tell, Hoo-ha, the EU and NAFTA
A Few Good Men, Seles is stabbed, piece of the Aggro-Crag

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

O.J. Simpson, bronco chase, Boyz II Men and Ace of Base
Revolution, Bills still losing, Kurt Cobain dead

ebay, Farrakhan, Oklahoma City bomb
Mid...west....heat...wave, Sandra Bullock sped

Dolly, Deep Blue, Michael Johnson's golden shoes
Derek Jeter, Sheryl Crow, Keyser Soze, Daily Show

Mmm bop, Tony Blair, English Patient, Rachel's hair
Princess Di, Madonna cries, scandal in the white house

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Homeruns hit, Nagano, Michael Jordan, el nino
Seinfeld, He Got Game, Bird to the Hall of Fame

Britney Spears, Y2K, Star Wars I-just ok
rock music gets the blame, Millionaire is our new game

Harry Potter, hanging chads, PS2, Elian's dad
Sydney games, Kim Jong, bubble burst for dot com

Stem cells, 9/11, Google, jingoism
Halle Berry, game on, bankruptcy for Enron

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Russel Crowe, Homeland, search for bombs in the sand
gunman, Clarkson, World Com extinction

Human Genome is complete, Syracuse can not be beat
Iraq, Dan Brown, Martha Stewart locked down

Face-book, Condi Rice, Livestrong bracelets 'cause their nice
John Kerry, flip flopper, Red Sox solve Yankees' stopper

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Writer's strike, Dixie Chicks, prison term for Michael Vick
Mad Men, iphones, gas prices, Juno

Twitter, Spitzer, AIG, hockey moms, GOP
swimming fast and smoking pot, Obama takes top spot

Cash for clunkers, Favre is back, Kobe wins it without Shaq
Michael's late, Jon and Kate, swine, meth, Tiger's mates

Obamacare on the floor, Banking rules without a cure
Jay and Conan late night war, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire...


My apologies if you couldn't follow some of the rhyming patterns (I tried to spell out how to say/sing some of the lyrics), but you almost need the music to have the words make complete sense. I think the best way to assess my work is to look at it two lines at a time. First read/sing Joel's lyrics (for that part of the song) and then do the same for what I wrote.

That said, here is a year by year explanation of the people, facts, and events that I chose to incorporate in my brief history of the past 20 years.

1990



-Buster Douglas upsets the previously undefeated Mike Tyson on February 11th to become the world heavyweight champion of the world.
-Motley Crue's drummer Tommy Lee is arrested for allegedly exposing his backside during a performance in Augusta, Georgia. He also suffers a mild concussion after falling off of scaffolding above his elevated drum kit during a performance in New Haven, Connecticut.
-John Gotti, a notorious mob boss, is arrested on December 11th.
-Belarus declares its soveirgnty from the USSR on July 27th.
-South African President Frederik Willem de Klerk begins negotiations to end the country's legal form of racial segregation known as apartheid.
-Nelson Mandela was released from Victor Verster Prison on February 11th after more than 27 years in prison.
-Windows 3.0 is released by Microsoft on May 22nd.

1991



-Boris Yelstin is elected President of Russia on June 12th.
-Rodney King is is an African-American who was the subject in a police brutality case involving four white LAPD officers on March 3rd. A bystander, George Holliday, videotaped much of the incident from a distance. The footage showed the LAPD officers repeatedly striking King with their batons. A portion of this footage was aired by news agencies around the world, causing public outrage that raised tensions between the black community and the LAPD.
-Desert Storm is the military response to Sadaam Hussein's invasion and annexation of Kuwait. When economic sanctions proved to be ineffective, George H.W. Bush sent American troops into Kuwait to drive the Iraqis out.
-CNN (Cable News Network), the first network to provide 24 hour television news coverage, received unprecedented popularity because of its coverage of the Persian Gulf War.
-Magic Johnson, the superstar point guard of the Los Angeles Lakers, reveals on November 7th that he has contracted the HIV virus. To that point, HIV had long thought to have been an exclusively homosexual disease. Johnson's announcement was huge in terms of awareness for the sexually transmitted disease.
-Super Nintendo is released in Japan. It is the first 16 bit video game console.

1992



-Riots breakout in Los Angeles on April 29th after the four white LAPD officers accused of beating Rodney King are acquitted. Thousands rioted in the streets for six days after the verdict was announced.
-Dan Quayle, the 44th Vice President, gave a speech to the Commonwealth Club of California on May 19th on the subject of the Los Angeles riots. In this speech, Quayle blamed the violence on a decay of moral values and family structure in American society. In an aside, he cited the single mother title character in the television program Murphy Brown as an example of how popular culture contributes to this "poverty of values", saying: "It doesn't help matters when primetime TV has Murphy Brown — a character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid, professional woman — mocking the importance of fathers, by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another 'lifestyle choice.'"
-The Real World's first season takes place in New York and debuts on MTV on May 21st. The show would prove to be one of the most successful "reality shows" to date.
-Jay Leno replaces Johnny Carson as the host of The Tonight Show on NBC.
-George H.W. Bush vomits into the lap of Kiichi Miyazawa, the Prime Minister of Japan, during a state dinner in Japan.
-The Dream Team or the 1992 US National Men's Basketball team that won the gold medal at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. The Dream Team was the first US National Team comprised of professionals. The roster consisted of Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, John Stockton, Clyde Drexler, Chris Mullin, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Christian Laetner, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, and Scottie Pippen.

1993



-Don't ask, don't tell is a military policy enacted by Bill Clinton in order to prevent the "witch-hunting" of secretly gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members or applicants, while absolutely barring "openly" gay or bisexual people from joining the military, and expelling those already serving.
-Al Pacino won the Oscar for Best Actor for his portrayal of the retired, blind, and drunk Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade. Slade's signature phrase is "Hoo-ha!"
-EU, or the European Union, is an economic and political union of (now) 27 countries.
-NAFTA, or the North Atlantic Free Trade Agreement, is formed between the United States, Canada, and Mexico. The agreement creates a trading bloc (free of tariffs) between the three nations.
-A Few Good Men is a military courtroom drama that stars Tom Cruse, Kevin Bacon, Jack Nicholson, and Demi Moore. Jack Nicholson gets absolutely hosed by the Academy when he doesn't win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Colonel Nathan Jessep.
-Monica Seles, the world's #1 female tennis player, is stabbed in the shoulder during a match in Germany by a crazed fan of rival Steffi Graf.
-Global Guts is a popular Nickelodeon game show where teens compete in physical activities. The winner of each show is awarded a piece of the Aggro Crag, the mountain that the participants had to climb as the final event.

1994



-O.J. Simpson, the NFL Hall of Fame running back and successful actor, is charged with the murder of his wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman. After refusing to turn himself in, Simpson was the subject of a low speed police chase while driving his white Ford Bronco. The chase was televised by all of the major networks.
-Boyz II Men's, a popular R&B group, "I'll Make Love to You" is the #3 song on the 1994 Billboard Hot 100 chart.
-Ace of Base, a Swedish pop band, has 3 songs in the 1994 Billboard Hot 100 chart. #1 The Sign, #9 All That She Wants, and #10 Don't Turn Around.
-The Republican Revolution is what the Republican party dubbed their success in the 1994 midterm elections in which they took control of the majority of Congress for the first time in over 40 years. Newt Gingrich, Rep. Georgia, becomes the Speaker of the House and the most popularized figure of the movement. Bob Dole, Sen. Kansas, becomes the Senate majority leader.
-The Buffalo Bills lose their fourth straight Superbowl. This time it's a 30-13 loss at the hands of the Dallas Cowboys.
-Kurt Cobain, the lead singer and guitarist of the popular grunge band Nirvana, is found dead in an apparent suicide (a shotgun blow to the head) on April 8th.

1995



-eBay, the American company that runs an auction website, forms on September 5th.
-Louis Farrakhan is the national representative of the religious organization known as the Nation of Islam. Farrakhan is the lead advocate for black nationalist interests and helped organize the million man march in Washington D.C. on October 16th.
-Oklahoma City Bombing is a bomb attack on the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building that claimed the lives of 168 innocent Americans and injured 680 others. The men behind the terrorist plot are Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols.
-A midwest heatwave took the lives of approximately 700 people in Chicago in a 5 day stretch.
Chicago's daily low and high in 1995:
July 11: 73-90 °F (23-32 °C)
July 12: 76-98 °F (24-37 °C)
July 13: 81-106 °F (27-41 °C)
July 14: 84-102 °F (29-39 °C)
July 15: 77-99 °F (25-37 °C)
-Speed is a film starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Reeves plays an LAPD officer who hops onto a bus that will explode if it fails to continue moving above 50 miles per hour. Bullock, in her breakout role, plays the passenger on the bus that gets behind the wheel when the driver is shot. The film won 2 Academy Awards in 1995.

1996



-Dolly is the name given to the first mammal ever cloned. She is a sheep who was "born" on July 2nd and lived to the age of six.
-"Deep Blue" is the name of a chess playing computer developed by IBM that Russian Gary Kasparov beat in February.
-Michael Johnson is the American sprinter who won gold in the 400m and 200m at the Summer Olympics in Atlanta. During the competiton Johnson wore a custom-designed pair of golden-colored Nike racing spikes made with Zytel, causing him to be nicknamed "The Man With the Golden Shoes."
-Derek Jeter helps lead the New York Yankees to their first World Series since 1978, beating the Atlanta Braves 4 games to 2.
-Sheryl Crow's self titled album is banned from Wal-Mart stores because of the lyric "Watch out sister, watch out brother/watch our children while they kill each other/with a gun they bought at Wal-Mart Discount Stores".
-The Usual Suspects is a criminal, mystery movie in which Kevin Spacey won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Verbal Kint...and Keyser Soze.
-The Daily Show begins on Comedy Central on July 21st with Craig Kilborn as the host.


1997



-MMM bop is the debut single by pop band Hanson. It becomes one of the biggest debut singles of all time, reaching #1 in 27 countries.
-Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom on May 2nd.
-The English Patient wins the Oscar for Best Picture.
-The Rachel is the name given to a popular haircut worn by women during the '90s. The look got it's name from the hairstyle worn by Jennifer Aniston's character Rachel Green in the TV sitcom Friends.
-Princess Diana of Wales dies in an automobile accident in Paris.
-Madonna releases hit single "Don't Cry for Me Argentina"
-President Clinton is accused of having "sexual relations" with 22-year-old white house intern Monica Lewinsky.


1998



-Mark McGwire of the St.Louis Cardinals and Sammy Sosa of the Chicago Cubs chase and break Roger Maris' single season homerun record.
-Nagano hosts the Winter Olympics.
-Michael Jordan retires for the second time after winning his sixth NBA Championship with the Chicago Bulls.
-El Nino is an invasion of warm water into the surface of the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Peru and Ecuador every four to seven years that causes changes in local and regional climate. The most severe of these occurrences took place between 1997-98.
-Seinfeld, the popular NBC sitcome, airs it's final episode on May 14th.
-He Got Game is a Spike Lee joint starring Denzel Washington and NBA superstar Ray Allen.
-Larry Bird is enshrined in the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachuesetts.


1999



-Britney Spears bursts onto the pop music scene with her debut single "...Baby One More Time"
-Y2K is the name given to a computer related scare at the turn of the millenium. In computer programs, the practice of representing the year with two digits becomes problematic with logical error(s) arising upon "rollover" from x99 to x00. This caused some date-related processing to operate incorrectly for dates and times on and after January 1, 2000 and on other critical dates which were billed "event horizons". Without corrective action, it was suggested that long-working systems would break down when the "...97, 98, 99, 00..." ascending numbering assumption suddenly became invalid. Companies and organizations worldwide checked, fixed, and upgraded their computer systems.
-Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is released by writer/director George Lucas and receives mixed reviews.
-The Columbine massacre is partially blamed on the hard rock music of Marilyn Manson.
-Who Wants to be a Millionaire is a game show that debuts on ABC with Regis Philbin as the host.


2000



-Harry Potter is the title character of a popular book series written by British author J.K. Rowling.
-Hanging chads were the subject of the controversial election results in Florida.
-PlayStation2, the best selling video game console to date, is released by Sony.
-Elian Gonzalez is the subject of an immigration/custody battle between the U.S. and Cuba. Gonzalez is ultimately returned to Cuba to be with his father in June.
-Sydney hosts the Summer Olympics. The Untited States leads the medal count, although sprinter Marion Jones won 3 golds and 2 bronzes, which have since been taken back.
-Kim Jong il is the controversial leader of North Korea who has been in power since 1994.
-The dot come bubble peaks on March 10th (the NASDAQ hits 5,048.62) and eventually starts to tank for a multitude of reasons.


2001



-Stem cell research is restricted to those cells that already exist by President Bush.
-9/11 is the date of the most devasting terrorist attack on American soil. Terrorist hijack four airplanes, fly two of them into the World Trade Center's twin towers, one into the Pentagon, and one is overtaken and crashes in a Pennsylvania field. The death total reaches nearly 3,000.
-Google, the internet search engine, increases in popularity and starts acquiring other companies to improve its brand.
-Jingoism refers to the overly nationalistic feeling expressed by Americans after the 9/11 attacks.
-Halle Berry stars in the film Monster's Ball, a role that would win her an Academy Award for Best Actress (the first African American woman to win the award).
-The NFL/MLB return to action after 9/11.
-Enron's books are revealed to have been cooked. The energy company eventually files for bankruptcy and many of their top executive face jail time.


2002



-Russel Crowe appears as the lead actor in back to back Best Picture winners (Gladiator and A Beautiful Mind). He won the Oscar for Best Actor for his role in Gladiator.
-The Homeland Security Act creates the Department of Homeland Security. The Act includes many of the organizations under which the powers of the USA PATRIOT Act are exercised. Among other things, it creates the new cabinet-level position of Secretary of Homeland Security.
-WMD's become a hot topic as the UN investigates into whether or not Iraq has them.
-Washington D.C. Sniper John Allen Muhammad killed at least 10 innocent people in early October before getting arrested on the 24th.
-American Idol, a popular television show singing competition, debuts on FOX. Kelly Clarkson is the Season One winner.
-World Com, an American telecommunications company, files chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The largest filing in history.


2003



-The Human Genome Project is completed 13 years after it began in 1990. The goal was to determine the sequence of chemical base pairs which make up DNA and to identify and map the approximately 20,000–25,000 genes of the human genome from both a physical and functional standpoint.
-Syracuse University wins the 2003 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship behind the outstanding play of freshmen Carmelo Anthony and Gerry McNamara.
-The Iraq War begins on March 20th when coalition forces invade the Persian Gulf.
-Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code is published and quickly becomes a best seller.
-Martha Stewart, a famous magazine editor, TV Host, and author, is indicted for insider trading and obstruction of justice. She would go on to spend five months in a federal prison in West Virginia.


2004



-Facebook, the social network site, launches and quickly finds a massive following.
-Condeleezza Rice is nominated to become Secretary of State by President Bush on November 16th.
-Livestrong bracelets are launched as a fundraising measure for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. They quickly become very popular.
-John Kerry receives the Democratic nomination to run for president. During the campaign, he was pegged as a flip-flopper by Republicans for his stance on the War in Iraq. When speaking about a military appropriations bill Kerry said, "I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it."
-The Boston Red Sox are on the brink of elimination, down 3-0 in the ALCS and trailing the Yankees 4-3 in the bottom of the 9th inning in Game 4 before scoring a run against Mariano Rivera to tie the game and eventually winning the game in extra innings. They would go on to win the next three games to win the series (the first team to come back from a 3-0 series defecit) and advance to the World Series where they swept the St. Louis Cardinals to win their first title in 86 years.


2007



-The Writer's Guild of America goes on strike on November 5th and demands more compensation for their work. During the strike, many televisions shows are put on hold as new episodes can't air until the writer's write them. The strike is stopped on February 10th of 2008.
-The Dixie Chicks collected 5 awards at the Grammy's including Record, Album, and Song of the year.
-Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick pleads guilty to felony charges of operating a dog fighting ring in August. He is sentenced to serve 23 months in federal prison.
-Mad Men, a television drama set in the 1960's premieres on AMC on July 19th.
-iphones, a cell phone/ipod hybrid, is unveiled by Apple CEO Steve Jobbs.
-Record high gas prices plague the nation in the summer of 2007 with prices in some areas topping $4 a gallon.
-Juno is a comedy/drama film starring Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jason Bateman, and Jennifer Garner. The film receives 4 Academy Award nominations, winning one.


2008



-Twitter is a social networking and microblogging service that enables its users to send and read messages known as tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 characters displayed on the author's profile page and delivered to the author's subscribers who are known as followers.
-Eliot Spitzer, the governor of New York, resigns after he is linked to a prostitution ring. The affadavit famously refers to the governor as "Client-9".
-A global financial crisis starts to take shape as the U.S. housing, banking,insurance, and auto industries start to collapse. Hot terms describing the crisis are "bailouts", "too big too fail", and "stimulus package".
-Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, is chosen as John McCain's running mate in the 2008 presidential election. Palin creates a lot of buzz for the GOP with her good looks and everyday language.
-Michael Phelps swims for 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics (setting 7 new world records in the process) and is later photographed hitting a bong while visiting South Carolina University.
-Barack Obama is elected as the 44th president of the United States of America.


2009



-Cash for clunkers is a domestic program intended to encourage Americans to purchase new cars in an attempt to stimulate the economy.
-Brett Favre, the future NFL Hall of Fame quarterback, returns to the NFL, this time as a member of the Minnesota Vikings.
-Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers beat the Orlando Magic to win the NBA Championship. It is the first title for Bryant without Shaquille O'Neal as his teammate.
-Michael Jackson, the pop icon, dies after suffering cardiac arrest on June 25th.
-Jon and Kate Gosselin are consistently a topic on the tabloids after their highly publicized divorce.
-A swine flu outbreak in humans is declared a public health emergency of international concern.
-Crystal meth is a psychoactive stimulant drug that increases alertness and energy, and in high doses can induce euphoria, enhance self esteem, and increase sexual pleasure. It has become increasingly popular in the United States in the 2000s.
-Tiger Woods crashes his Denali into a fire hydrant on November 27th and is taken to the hospital. Shortly thereafter details of Woods' ramped infidelity start to surface.


2010



-The Health Care Reform Bill causes a heated national debate. A new faction of conservatives, known as the Tea Party Movement, ardently oppose the bill which they call "Obamacare". Eventually the bill passes both the House (without a vote?) and the Senate and is signed into law.
-Regulation of the financial industry appears to be the next challenge that President Obama plans to tackle. The call for reform has been expedited in the wake of the SEC charging Goldman Sachs with knowingly selling people investments that were designed to fail.
-Jay Leno kicks Conan O'Brien to the curb and re-assumes his position as the host of The Tonight Show after his 10 p.m. show flops as bad as Vlade Divac.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Guilty Pleasures

I make no secret about my anti-feminist stance. That is not to say that women don't deserve equal rights (they do). It's just that I think the feminists of the world pick and choose the wrong battles in their quest for equality. For example, in 2003 feminists got all hot and bothered because women were not allowed to be members at Augusta National. I could rant about the irrationality/hypocrisy behind their flawed logic, but I'll spare you from my wrath.

My staunch masculine agenda is part conviction, part unintentional, and part facade. In all honesty, I'm a supporter of women's rights, but like I said in the above paragraph, I am not a supporter of the women that champion this campaign. My opinion on the matter infuriates many, my mother included. She once thought that I made an anti-female remark before realizing that it was her brother (my uncle, who's the man) that was the one who made it. Apparently he said to her quite simply that he does not read books written by women. Upon hearing this, I went up to my room and perused my bookcase. Sure enough, every book that I had read was written by a man. (However it should be noted that I have read the first 4 Harry Potter books). Ever since then, I have held fast to my stance against feminist (or I guess just female) literature. I wish I could say the same about female music.

Most guys do their best to give off this macho male persona, but behind closed doors they are a sucker for plenty of what would be characterized as feminine things. Whether it's teen dramas on TV, romantic comedies, or female pop songs, the feminine things guys secretly enjoy are oftentimes referred to as "guilty pleasures." The point being, you feel guilty about enjoying something because you know others would criticize you for it.

Here now, are the top 10 songs by female artists that I secretly (well not anymore) enjoy.

10.) Taylor Swift- Love Story



This song was overplayed more than "The Macarena" and "Who Let the Dogs Out" combined, but I still think it's awesome. I know for a fact that I'm not the only guy that feels that way because a friend of mine introduced me to this song last Fall by making me watch this video. The inclusion of "Love Story" fulfills my Country song quota for this countdown, so I must give my apologies to what is now my second favorite Country song by a female artist.

9.) Natalie Imbruglia- Torn



I was 11 when this song came out and liking it wasn't exactly frowned upon then, but the fact that I still enjoy it gets it into the top ten. I mean, I had plenty of years to get over it, but somehow, someway it ended up on my ipod. I don't have a one hit wonder quota to fulfill, but if I did this one certainly would have covered it.

8.) Cyndi Lauper- Time After Time



Lauper's timeless classic first debuted in 1984 and was nominated for Song of the Year at the 1985 Grammy's (Tina Turner's What's Love Got to Do with it came out on top). If LeBron likes it, why can't I, right?

Speaking of the '80's, it's a shame that there isn't enough room on the countdown for the 1982 Grammy Award winning hit "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes.


7.) Whitney Houston- One Moment in Time

This song was made for sports related picture/video montages. In fact, it was written for NBC's coverage of the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul (that's in South Korea, by the way). Now, my highschool football team was not littered with Olympians, but this song was a staple of our season highlight tape every year. A friend of mine actually once said that he watched the highlight tape over and over, just so he had an excuse to listen to this song.

Although the song was written for American Olympians, this video is still pretty cool.



6.) Christina Aguilera- What A Girl Wants



This might be the most difficult song on the list to admit to liking because the title is inherently female. "What A Girl Wants" came out at the peak of my TRL viewing career and it was a personal favorite of mine because I had a huge crush on Christina Aguilera. The video reinforced my belief that the female stomach is a very underrated feature. I think it's rarely talked about because it goes without saying that guys are superficial and obviously prefer skinny girls. Being skinny is great, but a little tone/definition on the belly can be an appealing attribute. Too much definition though, can be unattractive. It's a fine line, but something for women everywhere to strive for.

5.) Celine Dion- That's The Way It Is



The Blue Jays and Pamela Anderson aside, Celine Dion is the greatest thing to ever come out of Canada. As many of you know, I'm also a big fan of Celine's Christmas music, but there was no way I could have chosen a personal favorite from those, so I went in another direction. I mean, what can I say? Celine Dion's music has been force fed to me my entire life by driving in a car with my mother (For those of you that have their doubts, she does in fact have her license).

Back in the highschool, a girl burned me a copy of this Celine Dion album and gave it to me in front of a huge crowd in the middle of the hallway at school the next day. Knowing that I would face public scrutiny if my friends found out what was on the CD, I played it off and said, "Thanks for burning me the new Jay-Z CD. I really appreciate it." Thankfully she just laughed instead of blowing up my spot.

4.) One of my friends from home went on to play baseball in college at Florida Atlantic (I think). He was a left-handed starter in highschool, but they made him a closer in college. Some closers in the major leagues (namely Yankee closer Mariano Rivera) are known for their bad ass entrance music, so I asked my buddy what his was going to be. He responded with the 4th song on my countdown of guilty pleasure's:

Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone




3.) Michelle Branch- Breathe



This song is actually great for long road trips because it gives you a little pick me up if you are getting tired. I have this song on a CD that I made (Track 9) and you better believe that I used to casually skip it over when I was driving across the state of New York with my oldest brother.

2.) Vanessa Carlton- A Thousand Miles



A few things about this song. 1.) Vanessa Carlton really one-upped The Proclaimers who would only walk 500 miles. 2.) Vanessa Carlton is smokin' hot in a free thinking artistic kind of way. 3.) I listened to this song 4 times in the course of this post.

And 4.) Back when this song first came out (circa 2003-04), two of my friends were driving somewhere and this song came on the radio. They obviously both loved the song, but didn't want the other to know. It prompted the following exchange, which is eerily similar to the scene from Tommy Boy (1995).

Friend A- You can change it if you want to.
Friend B- It's up to you.
Friend A- I don't care either way.
Friend B- I can deal with it if you can.

1.) Mariah Carey- Always Be My Baby


Mariah Carey - Always Be My Baby (Official Music Video) -

Choosing this Mariah Carey song for me was a no-brainer because I may or may not know every word, but much like Celine Dion, I could have went with any number of her hits. I'm also a big fan of both "Hero" and "One Sweet Day" (featuring Boyz II Men). To date, Mariah still has the most #1 hits of any solo artist of all time. The only band with more #1's than her is The Beatles. It should come as no surprise then that they both have albums referencing their #1 hits. Mariah with the aptly titled #1's, which she released in 1998, and The Beatles with, The Beatles One, which was released in 2000.


Honorable Mention- Enya- "Only Time", Monica- "For You I Will", Jewel- "Hands", Avril Lavigne- "Complicated", Mandy Moore- "Candy", Jessica Simpson- "With You"