Doggie Style

As we get older and more seriously begin to look for potential mates, projecting the type of parent that someone will become becomes more and more of a factor. At some point in any long term relationship (and I don't know when because it all depends on the couple in question) the prospect of having children has to be considered. Our biological purpose, at it's core anyway, is to reproduce. To advance the human race forward. Having children is also our way of sticking around long after we're gone. Parents impart their offspring with not only their genes, but also with their mannerisms (nature and nurture).

Sometimes it's hard to predict what type of parent someone will be because parenting is something that no one can ever be totally prepared for, but I think that owning a dog is actually a pretty good barometer. In my opinion (and I could be totally off base), the way an owner treats their dog can be very telling. The way they teach/discipline their dog is most likely the way that they will teach/discipline their children.



I'm not trying to equate the two because obviously there is a huge difference between owning a dog and raising a child, but I'm convinced that there is at least some sort of correlation. I would go as far as to say that owning a dog in your 20s is a good warm up for parenthood.

The point being- if you like the way someone treats their dog, you'll probably like the way they treat their future children.

The similarities, to me anyway, are striking. Let's start with the basics. Whether you are the owner of a young puppy or the parent of a newborn child you are responsible for another life. Without your care and support the newborn would inevitably fail to survive. Sure dogs have survival instincts, but they've become so domesticated that I doubt that a young pup could last a week on the streets.

Caring for and supporting this other life means that you are responsible for giving it a home. Just like you would put a baby in a crib, many dog owners now put their canines in kennels or at least give them a pad/pillow to sleep on.

Along with shelter, puppies/babies are also reliant on their owner/parents for the nutrients that they need in order to grow and remain healthy. I know we're still early in my comparision here, but it should come as no surprise that dogs/babies eat specialized food that you can easily find at your local supermarket.

Again whether you are the owner of a young puppy or the parent of a young child, you soon find out that that food quickly turns into poop. Surely dogs need to be taught to go to the bathroom outside before children need to be taught to use the toilet because dogs don't wear diapers (although I'm sure the product exists), but nonetheless both need to be trained in this fine art. Logic would dictate that if you can teach a dog to do their business outdoors than surely you can teach a child to use a toilet.

Which brings us to teaching style. As far as I know, both dogs and children are students of the same method; reward/punishment. Just like it's name indicates this school of thought rewards proper behavior and punishes improper behavior. For example, if a child cleans up their room a parent rewards them with a cookie. Similarly if a dog barks when they hear the word, "Speak!" their owner rewards them with a bone. Oftentimes the "punishment" is the lack of the cookie/bone, but in other situations it is different. For example, if a child hits their sibling their parent punishes them by making them stand in the corner for an indeterminant period of time ("Until I say so"). Likewise if a dog poops all over the house/apartment an owner punishes them by locking them in their kennel for an indeterminant period of time (Until I remember).

Before I forget, here's an article that I linked to about a year ago that pokes fun at young dog owners. I still think it's funny, but I obviously also have great respect for people my age that are responsible enough to care for a dog.

The major difference when it comes to teaching is that parents are largely responsible for teaching their children values whereas the teaching done by dog owners usually falls into the "tricks" department. Even so, just like children move on to grade school, some dogs further their education by enrolling in obedience school.

The more their child/dog learns the more parents/dog owners show them off. Whether it be pictures, math problems, or tricks their child/dog is always on display. "Come see the baby." "Check out this new trick I taught Butch." More often than not they also think that their child/dog is the cutest, smartest, funniest, etc.

Comedian Demetri Martin summed up this notion quite well on a promo for his show, "Important Things with Demetri Martin" by showing a bar graph that looked something like this.



Parents/dog owners know that no one loves their child/pet as much as they do, but at some point they have to trust someone enough to care for their loved one when they are unable to. In this respect, dog sitters are becoming increasingly as important as baby sitters. I'd even go as far as to say that I think the screening process for dog sitters is a bit more rigorous than it is for babysitters.

Lastly, this matter of trust soon shifts from the third party (the baby/dog sitter) to the child/dog. Trusting a dog is when you can leave it alone to roam the house or when you no longer need a leash when you take it for a walk. Trusting a child is when you let go of the proverbial leash (I was due for a really bad pun) and leave them in the house without a babysitter. Once this level of trust is reached, the majority of the work for the parent/dog owner is over.


While I've highlighted a few of what I consider to be the most relevant similarities between being a parent and being a dog owner, here are a few more.

-Parents and dog owners both think long and hard about giving their child/pet a name. They then usually also develop a nickname for their child/pet.
-Parents and dog owners both organize play dates for their child/pet.
-Parents and dog owners both shower their child/pet with gifts on Christmas and birthdays.
-Parents and dog owners both have to clean up the toys (and poop for dog owners) that their child/pet leaves around the house.
-Parents and dog owners both talk to their young child/young puppy in an annoying, yet distinct language (babyspeak/dogspeak).
-Parents and dog owners both try to hide medicine in their child/pet's food.
-Whereas fathers and their children bond by playing catch, owners and their dogs bond by playing fetch.

While we're on the topic, here's a quick shoutout to the dogs that I've come to know, or know about, over the years (some are in Doggie Heaven): Casey, Shannon, Marcus, Rosie, Annie, Knuckles, Tyson, Toby, Max, Reese, Shadow, Lily, Champ, Trixie, Tucker, Bailey, Gimli, Frank, Milo, Maggie, Tully, and Jasper.