Double Down

There are few things that I pride myself in. In fact, when I say a few things I think I mean just three: sports, knowledge, and gluttony (I think poop is somewhere in the crosshairs between knowledge and gluttony).

1.) I live, work, sleep, and breathe sports. You know this.

2.) I crave knowledge like there's no tomorrow. Case in point (you already know that I record Jeopardy every night and write down how many questions/answers I get right), last week my brother sent me this link and told me to try "Capitals 3-Expert."

http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/web_games.htm

So, try it I did. I've had the state capitals memorized since first grade, so I was furioussss when I got one wrong (try to beat my 98% in 195 seconds).

3.) If I haven't said this already, I've certainly meant to- I'm convinced that I have what it takes to be a competitive eater. I don't know if it's that my digestive system works so well, but I feel as if I could make an appearance at one of my favorite sporting events of the year, the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest on Coney Island, if I took a year off from work and trained. Now, I'm not saying I'd win. In reality I wouldn't even come close, but the competitors on the low end of this contest don't eat as many hot dogs and buns as you think. I swear, some of these "athletes" only eat about 14-17 hotdogs and buns. I definitely think I could make it into that range.

That all being said, we have some important news in gluttony today. About 15 months ago, I brought you the bacon explosion, which looks more and more appealing everytime I see it.



Today I bring you the Double Down from KFC.



Yes, that's right. It's a bacon and cheese sandwich, except the "bread" is two slabs of fried chicken. Oh and by the way, there's something called the "Colonel's sauce" slathered inbetween all that bacon, cheese, and chicken as well. They had me sold at bacon, but I'm a sucker for secret sauces.

Someone that was fortunate enough to eat the sandwich before the general public had this to say, "Oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don't know what "Colonel's Sauce" is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I'm going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing."

Seeing that I pride myself in gluttony, I was obviously the first (white person) in line today at KFC. As I waited in line I scanned the menu, but didn't see the Double Down anywhere. I was bracing myself for disappointment when I finally got to the front of the line.

"I don't see it anywhere on the menu, but I'm interested in trying the Double Down."

The woman at the cash register laughed and asked if I just wanted the sandwich or if I wanted the meal.

"Let's get wild. I'll have the meal. Can I have the macaroni and cheese with that, please?"

After waiting 9 minutes in anxious anticipation, it was go time. I brought the chicken/bacon/cheese concoction back to my apartment, sent a picture of it to 3 friends and then went to work.

I initially tried to pick up the sandwich by the "bread", but soon realized that I was going to have to use the wax paper. I figured it was go big or go home time, so my first bite was a healthy one. I got both sides of the chicken, bacon, cheese, and the colonel's sauce.

As I had hoped, it was delicious.

I took my time eating the rest-mainly to make sure that I didn't go into cardiac arrest, but also to savor the delicacy. I'm glad I did too because each bite was toothsome to the nth degree.

After polishing off the Double Down and macaroni and cheese and washing it down with a Dr Pepper, I felt heavy. I would compare the feeling to a Saturday/Sunday diner session after going out the night before. The caloric intake has put me in a food coma. I want nothing more than to lie on my couch all day, but I will soon have to rally the troops and go to work. I honestly think that if someone ate 4-5 of these in a week they would die.

Will I eat something for dinner? Absolutely, but it won't be a sandwich with chicken as the bread.