1.) Where is Marisa Miller? I have little doubt that if she was involved she would have won my tournament.
2.) Where is Scarlett Johansson? Jessica Biel?
3.) Why is Gwyneth Paltrow included twice? Once in Music & Sports and once in Movies.
4.) Who thought it would be funny to include a male (Russell Brand) as a 16 seed?
Some of the seeding is all out of whack too, but I just dealt with what they gave me.
Here are the brackets.
Fashion
(1) Brooklyn Decker
(16) Kate Middleton
(8) Bar Rafaeli
(9) Ana Beatriz Barros
(5) Candice Swanepoel
(12) Gisele Bundchen
(4)Irina Shayk
(13) Kate Upton
(6) Izabel Goulart
(11) Jessica White
(3) Selita Banks
(14) Amber Rose
(7) Adriana Lima
(10) Daisy Lowe
(2) Miranda Kerr
(15) Joan Smalls
Music & Sports
(1) Katy Perry
(16) Elin Nordegren
(8) Maria Sharapova
(9) Caroline Wozniacki
(5) Taylor Swift
(12) Cheryl Cole
(4) Erin Andrews
(13) Jenn Brown
(6) Stacy Kiebler
(11) Arianny Celeste
(3) Beyonce
(14 Gwyneth Paltrow
(7) Nicki Minaj
(10) Ines Sainz
(2) Rihanna
(15) Gretchen Bleiler
Movies
(1) Mila Kunis
(16) Russell Brand
(8) Jessica Alba
(9) Kristen Bell
(5) Natalie Portman
(12) Jennifer Lawrence
(4) Ashley Greene
(13) Zoe Saldana
(6) Gwyneth Paltrow
(11) Anne Hathaway
(3) Penelope Cruz
(14) Amanda Seyfried
(7) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
(10) Megan Fox
(2) Olivia Wilde
(15) Amber Heard
Television
(1) Sofia Vergara
(16) Hoda & Kathie Lee
(8) Those girls on Glee
(9) Grace Park
(5) Jennifer Lopez
(12) Sarah Shahi
(4) January Jones
(13) Jessica Pare
(6) Emmy Rossum
(11) Kendra Wilkinson
(3) Christina Hendricks
(14) Lana from Archer
(7) Padma Lakshmi
(10) Katrina Bowden
(2) Kim Kardashian
(15) Bristol Palin
Alright now it's time for my picks.
Fashion (top left)
First Round
(1) Brooklyn Decker over (16) Kate Middleton- Middleton is a babe and she’s going to be the Queen, which is sexy in its own right, but it’s hard to argue with this.
(8) Bar Rafaeli over 9) Ana Beatriz Barros- Worst seeding ever?
(12) Gisele Bundchen over (5) Candice Swanepoel- Actually this might be worse.
(4)Irina Shayk over (13) Kate Upton- A tough first round matchup between the 2011 Sports Illustrated Cover Girl and the potential breakout star from the 2011 Swimsuit Issue, but I gotta go chalk.
(6) Izabel Goulart over (11) Jessica White (not white)- I didn’t know who either was before I put this together, but Goulart is an absolute smokeshow and Jessica White gives credence to one of my long standing theories. People with the last name White are usually black and people with the last name Black are usually white.
(3) Selita Ebanks over (14) Amber Rose (Kanye’s ex girlfriend with the shaved head)- Two good looking black girls and I have to go with the one with hair.
(7) Adriana Lima over (10) Daisy Lowe- Lima used to date Derek Jeter and is now married to former NBA player Marko Jaric.
(2) Miranda Kerr over (15) Joan Smalls- Miranda Kerr is apparently one of the hot names in fashion because her name sounds vaguely familiar to me. Oh, and she’s hot.
Second Round
(8) Bar Rafaeli over (1) Brooklyn Decker- My cousin who will not be named is a big seller on Brooklyn Decker. Mainly for this picture. I’m not, but I’m a big buyer on Bar Rafaeli. If she’s good enough for Leonardo DiCaprio she’s good enough for me.
(4) Irina Shayk over (12) Gisele Bundchen- 1.) Fuck Tom Brady. And 2.) I saw Shayk on Letterman and not only was she absurdly hot she was also pretty funny.
(6) Izabel Goulart over (3) Selita Banks- She’s Brazilian, but could easily pass for an American. I dig that about her.
(7) Adriana Lima over (2) Miranda Kerr- Kerr is sexy, but I just don’t think she’s on Lima’s level just yet.
Regional Semi-Finals
(4) Irina Shayk over (8) Bar Rafaeli- As much as I love Leo, Shayk dates superstar soccer player Christiano Ronaldo, who’s arguably the most wanted man in the world.
(6) Izabel Goulart over (7) Adriana Lima- She’s one of Conan’s favorite guests and she’s also appeared on both Two And A Half Men and Entourage.
Regional Finals
(6) Izabel Goulart over (4) Irina Shayk- She has the sexiest eyes in the field…and I’m an eyes guy. Oh and Shayk doesn’t shave her legs.
Music & Sports (bottom right)
First Round
(1) Katy Perry over (16) Elin Nordegren- I don’t think Katy Perry is worthy of a #1 seed, but she’s sexier than Tiger’s ex-wife, who we haven’t seen for over a year.
(9) Caroline Wozniacki over (8) Maria Sharapova- One of my favorite first round matchups. I’ll take Wozniacki because she’s the better tennis player, she’s not taller than me (Sharapova is 6’2), and she’s not married to Sasha Vujacic.
(12) Cheryl Cole over (5) Taylor Swift- Taylor is unquestionably more talented and becoming sexier by the day (seemingly out of nowhere), but Cheryl Cole is hot.
(4) Erin Andrews over(13) Jenn Brown- You don’t even know hard this one is for me. Ask anyone that I work with and they’ll tell you that Jenn Brown is my girl, but she just can’t hang with EA.
(6) Stacy Kiebler over (11) Arianny Celeste- Kiebler has legs for days and WWE experience. Better luck next year Arianny.
(3) Beyonce over (14) Gwyneth Paltrow- This is the biggest rout in the entire tournament.
(7) Nicki Minaj over (10) Ines Sainz- Sainz wore a wedding dress to media day at the Superbowl and asked Tom Brady to marry and also complained that the Jets objectified her in the locker room. Bottom line- She’s annoying. Nicki Minaj, on the other hand, is hot and you get the sense that she doesn’t even care.
(2) Rihanna over (15) Gretchen Bleiler- Rihanna’s performance at the NBA All-Star game this year speaks for itself.
Second Round
(1) Katy Perry over (9) Caroline Wozniacki- Wozniacki is more pretty and innocent than sexy. Katy Perry has fireworks coming out of her breasts.
(4) Erin Andrews over (12) Cheryl Cole- Peephole video, anyone?
(3) Beyonce over (6) Stacy Kiebler- Beyonce is so out of control sexy that she made this Vizio commercial hot .
(2) Rihanna over (7) Nicki Minaj- Believe it or not I actually had this debate with 3-4 friends one day in January. The vote was pretty split, but I went with Rihanna.
Regional Semi-Finals
(4) Erin Andrews over (1) Katy Perry- Katy Perry tries to hard to be sexy. EA is sexy just by being herself. The whole working in sports thing helps her out quite a bit.
(3) Beyonce over (2) Rihanna- Speaking of sexy commercials. This one was banned in England.
Regional Finals
(3) Beyonce over Erin Andrews- What’s weird about Beyonce is that it’s almost like she’s getting hotter by the day. For example, I think her career low in sexiness was when she was in Austin Powers: Goldmember. Now she just exudes sex wherever she goes. Ever since the peephole thing and dating her Dancing With The Stars partner Erin Andrews has sort of had to scale it back a bit to maintain what’s left of her wholesome image.
Movies (Top Right)
First Round
(1) Mila Kunis over (16) Russell Brand- Did anyone laugh when they saw that Russell Brand made the tournament? Me either.
(9) Kristen Bell over (8) Jessica Alba- Jessica Alba probably would have won this tournament if it was held back in 2003, but she’s a mother now and she just looks more mature and reserved. I also want to give Kristen Bell some love for her role on one of the funniest and least known shows on TV Party Down, which is on Starz.
(12) Jennifer Lawrence over (5) Natalie Portman- Unfortunate timing for Portman. If this tournament was held 5 months ago I think she would have won. Now though, I just can’t find it within me to send a pregnant woman into the second round.
(13) Zoe Saldana over (4) Ashley Greene- Ashley Greene is very pretty, but Zoe Saldana made a big, blue avatar sexy.
(11) Anne Hathaway over (6) Gwyneth Paltrow- I still haven’t seen Love and Other Drugs, but apparently Anne Hathaway is naked for essentially the entire movie. I also don’t find Gwyneth Paltrow sexy in any way.
(3) Penelope Cruz over (14) Amanda Seyfried- Amanda Seyfried is a whacko with bug eyes and Penelope Cruz is a spicy latina.
(10) Megan Fox over (7) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley- You don’t know who Rosie Huntington-Whitely is? Yeah, I didn’t either. Apparently Esquire was getting cute because she’s taking over Megan Fox’s role in the Transformers saga.
(2) Olivia Wilde over (15) Amber Heard- Olivia Wilde is all the buzz right now, but I honestly couldn’t tell you where she’s from or what she’s on. All I know is that after looking through her pictures she’s one of a very small group of women that can pull of any color hair and still be absolutely gorgeous.
Second Round
(1) Mila Kunis over (9) Kristen Bell- She was by far the sexier of the two in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
(12) Jennifer Lawrence over (13) Zoe Saldana- Umm did you see her at the Oscars?
(3)Penelope Cruz over (11) Anne Hathaway- She had a mental breakdown a few years back which just tells you that she’s absolutely wild in bed.
(10) Megan Fox over (2) Olivia Wilde- As overrated as she’s probably become, she’s still really hot.
Regional Semi-Finals
(1) Mila Kunis over (12) Jennifer Lawrence- She finally broke up with Macaulay Culkin which was the only thing holding her back.
(3) Penelope Cruz over (10) Megan Fox- Just look how great Penelope Cruz looked roughly one month after giving birth.
Regional Finals
(1) Mila Kunis over (3) Penelope Cruz- There’s just a mystique around Mila right now that’s hard to describe. Her sex scene with Natalie Portman in Black Swan certainly helps her case as well.
Television (Bottom Right)
(1) Sofia Vergara over (16) Hoda & Kathie Lee- Should I know who Hoda is?
(8) Those girls on Glee over (9) Grace Park- The girls from Glee are really hot. This team can do some serious damage.
(12) Sarah Shahi over (5) Jennifer Lopez- It’s not 1999 anymore J Lo.
(4) January Jones over (13) Jessica Pare- Betty Draper you little minx, you.
(6) Emmy Rossum over (11) Kendra Wilkinson- If you don’t watch the show Shameless on Showtime you are borderline missing out. Emmy Rossum wears zero makeup and is unbelievably attractive.
(14) Lana from Archer over (3) Christina Hendricks- Christina Hendricks has nice curves. I wont dispute that. She is, however, vastly overrated. She’s pale and deceptively old (turns 36 in May). Lana from Archer is actually the very good looking black girl who used to host Talk Soup on E!. Her real name is Aisha Tyler.
(7) Padma Lakshmi over (10) Katrina Bowden- Padmi is a bona fide sex symbol. I’ve never heard of this Katrina Bowden chick.
(2) Kim Kardashian over (15) Bristol Palin- Seriously?
Second Round
(8) Those girls on Glee over (1) Sofia Vergara- Don’t get me wrong I love Gloria on Modern Family, but the quantity of high quality hot chicks on Glee is tough for one woman to compete with.
(4) January Jones over (12) Sarah Shahi- She’s the best part of the month.
(6) Emmy Rossum over (14) Lana from Archer- Did I mention that she gets naked on Shameless roughly every other episode?
(7) Padma Lakshmi over (2) Kim Kardashian- Classy versus trashy.
Regional Semi-finals
(8) Those girls from Glee over (4) January Jones- January Jones is almost hot enough to take down 4 hot girls, but I can’t stand her character on Mad Men.
(7) Padma Lakshmi over (6) Emmy Rossum- Padma was rocking a bikini on last night’s episode of Top Chef and she looked unreal.
Regional Finals
(7) Padma Lakshmi over (8) Those girls from Glee- She might be the sexiest 40 year old on the planet.
Final Four
(6) Izabel Goulart over (3) Beyonce- Probably the top 2, but I’ll take the former Victoria’s Secret Angel who's also 3 years younger.
(7) Padma Lakshmi over (1) Mila Kunis- Not only is she a former model, but she’s also an amazing cook.
Finals
(6) Izabel Goulart over (7) Padma Lakshmi- I admittedly hardly knew who she was until a few minutes ago, but to me she’s the sexiest woman of them all.
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