Hoping For an Answer

I’ll be totally honest with you. I’ve been absolutely captivated by the Women’s World Cup matches that involve the US National Team. The last 2 of them anyway. PS- I wouldn’t be caught dead watching the other matches. Maybe it’s because I’m a naïve soccer fan, but it seems like the difference between the men’s and women’s game is negligible. Again, I could be way off on that. For example, if a hardcore soccer fan said that the NBA and WNBA were similar I’d lose it. Either way, the product has been great, again specifically in the last two matches, because there has been this great sense of urgency. It’s win or go home and if you lose you don’t have another chance to get to where you were for 4 years.

Last Friday we were told that we had to discuss the Women’s World Cup at some point during the talk show that I was working on and the immediate reaction was, “Come onnn. Really? Why? No one cares.” That said, I was tasked with doing a little bit of research so that our host didn’t look like an idiot when we talked to a guy who is over in Germany following the team. So I dug up some info (the US loss to Sweden was their first ever loss in the group stage at the Women’s World Cup, Brazil beat the US team 4-0 in the 2007 semifinals and they have a girl on their squad named Marta who is thought to be the best in the world, etc.), thought up some questions, and went on with my day. So when I turned on my TV on Sunday and saw Bob Ley, Brandi Chastain, Mia Hamm, etc. previewing the match I stuck around and watched because I had invested a little bit of my time in learning about the event. I watched the entire match and boy am I glad that I did. The drama, momentum shifts, national pride, urgency, and late game heroics were enough to give me goosebumps. I almost didn’t believe it at the time, but that match was undoubtedly the story of the weekend which is saying something because arguably the most popular baseball player of all-time reached a legendary milestone 24 hours earlier.

Let the record show that if I ever had to take a penalty kick I’d either put the ball in the 27th row or fall over trying to kick the ball. Hell, I get real nervous taking penalty kicks in FIFA against my friends.

Now that the US Women’s team has beaten France and advanced to the finals I have a serious question for what I have to believe is my constantly diminishing female audience. When girls watch sports are they constantly checking out the guys on the field/court as opposed to actually watching and enjoying the game? I mean, I realize that girls, for the most part, don’t exactly know all of the rules to sports, but they still watch. This must be the reason why, right? If my female readers could respond via comment, text, email, etc. that would be greatly appreciated as I am genuinely curious.

I almost feel a little dumb for having never thought of it before, but the reverse situation has happened to me both today and on Sunday. My thoughts while watching the US Women’s National Team play go something like this…Wow, she could get it. Damn, she’s fast. We can’t lose to France/Brazil. Nice legs. Look at those eyes. She looks like a lesbian. Good pass. She’s a babe. That’s a huge bitch. I mean, if I had to put a percentage on it I'd say that 50% of me has watched as a male checking out good looking, athletic, American women, 25% of me has watched as an American rooting for the US National Team, 15% of me has watched as someone that works in sports talk radio, and 10% of has watched as someone who legitimately enjoys watching sports.

I think it’s only fair, especially with the World Cup Finals only a few days away, to rank the 5 hottest women on the US National Soccer Team.

5.) Ali Krieger



Krieger, who my cousin Colin has dibs on, scored the game winning penalty kick against Brazil and is the definition of sporty hot.


4.) Hope Solo



One of three players on the team with a pornstar name (Shannon Boxx, Stephanie Cox). Hope draws you in with those inviting eyes and to be honest I feel like she tries really hard to be attractive. She looks good with a pony tail, but not so good with her hair down. She gets the most pub because she’s the face of the team, but I think she’s still a little overrated. I also think she’d kick my ass, which could be a good thing.


3.) Carli Lloyd



Carli, who I can’t get enough of, turns 29 on Saturday and patrols the midfield for the US. She takes most of the free kicks and appears to be one of the team leaders. She’s very cute and has great (soccer) legs.


2.) Heather Mitts



I don’t think she’s seen the field in the World Cup, but I stumbled across her in compiling this list. She’s one of the older players on the roster and definitely one of the best looking. If she played a little more she’d probably be #1.


1.) Alex Morgan



I don’t there’s any debate that 22-year-old is the hottest member of the team. She is also a dynamic forward who popped her World Cup cherry with a goal against France today.


Honorable mention: Tobin Heath, Amy Rodriguez, and Lauren Cheney (only because she dates Philadelphia 76ers PG Jrue Holiday)