College Manifesto

It’s hard to believe, but 7 years ago this week I began my illustrious college career. Friend of the blog, and my boy for life, Gens recently told me that he sent a “things I wish I knew before I went” email to two kids venturing off to college. Now Gens is a wise man because he realized that this college manifesto, if you will, is a perfect blog topic for yours truly. You see people- this is the kind of idea that I expect you to send my way from time to time.

I won’t include Gens’ email because our thoughts are relatively similar, but as fate would have it in the days after the idea was presented to me I saw the following paragraph in an ESPN.Com column by Bill Simmons.

That reminds me, it's my duty to pass along these five rules for anyone heading to college: stay active beyond your classes (newspaper, radio station, etc.); don't date anyone for longer than two semesters; always drink liquor before beer and not vice-versa; don't forget to call your parents every few days; and approach your classes the same way Shaq approached his NBA career. In other words, don't kill yourself trying to become the best center of all time; just do enough to eventually get mentioned in the top 10, and enjoy every moment along the way. Shaq could have ended up with a 3.95 in the NBA; he settled for a 3.4. Ultimately, did it really matter? He won three four rings, made something like $300 million, clinched a spot on the "best 15 players ever" list, kicked ass for three straight postseasons and will be remembered by everybody who watched him. That's what you want to get out of college.

I must admit that I was impressed that he summed it up that succinctly, but after reflecting I think I can boil it down to one sentence.

Think big picture, but live in the moment.

For a more detailed explanation of what I mean here is my college manifesto:

Go to class- Although you may think that it’s “cool” to skip class you should really make it a point to go. I don’t care how tired or hungover you are. Despite what professors want to believe there isn’t a lot critical thinking involved at the college level. All you need to do in most classes is regurgitate information. Whether it be on a quiz, paper, or test all you have to do is spit back the material that your professor presents to you. If you don’t go to class you won’t have the slightest idea of what that information is.

Going to class and paying attention when you’re there helps build a rapport with your professor. This can only benefit you. Another way to establish a positive relationship with your professor is to go to their office hours. I don’t care if you have the simplest question ever. Hardly anyone shows up to a professor’s office hours, so making that effort will work wonders. From that point forward they will know who you are and do everything in their power to make sure that you succeed in their class.


Take a nap everyday (M-F)- Like I said, being too tired for class is a poor excuse. Do what you can to attend all of your classes and budget out 45-60 minutes a day to nap. These naps will be the best thing ever.


Get involved- There are so many opportunities to get involved on a college campus that you would be foolish not to take advantage of them. Sure, sitting around your dorm room playing video games may be a good conduit to make friends early in your freshmen year, it’s also a gigantic waste of time.

When I say get involved, I don’t mean in the high school way where you did things only so that you could put them on your college applications. Sure, getting involved in college can help boost your resume, but college is all about discovering yourself, so only get involved in things that truly interest you.

Within the first few weeks of my freshman year I became friends with a kid on my floor and we went down to the campus radio station and they gave us a weekly show (there was a tryout that we dominated). During my sophomore year a girl that I had hooked up with noticed a sign in the cafeteria about a sports broadcasting meeting. I had seen the sign as well, but I was hesitant about showing up by myself. This girl basically talked me into it and I’m sure glad that she did. In the years that followed I announced men’s basketball, women’s basketball, and men’s lacrosse on the radio and internet. Now I work for the worldwide leader in sports.

As a junior my cousin who will not be named got me a job as a referee for the intramural department. I was already very active in the intramural community, so it was a perfect fit. I essentially got paid to be somewhere where I normally was anyway. Eventually I became an intramural supervisor and was afforded the privilege of swiping in and out of work. Instead of getting paid by the game I was paid by the hour I was clocked in. This meant that I got paid to play intramural games, write power rankings, create fake awards (Ex- Stud and Dud of the Week), and to play pickup basketball.

During my senior year I began writing for the school’s newspaper. For the first semester I only wrote a weekly humor column, but in the second semester I received 3 credits to write an additional news story (of my choosing) every week. I wrote articles about my friends that were athletes, about intramural sports, and about campus trends.


Stay Active- You probably take for granted how high school sports kept you in shape. Because the majority of you are not talented enough to play collegiate sports you need other ways to stay active. If not, you’ll pack on the infamous Freshman 15 real quick.

I was never much of a workout warrior, but I stayed active by playing intramural sports and playing pickup basketball. Intramurals are a great way to make friends. I can’t tell you how many kids I came to know solely because of playing intramurals. Form a team with the kids on your floor and don’t take yourselves too seriously. A lot of gym class heroes play intramurals, but no matter how competitive you are always remember that it’s only intramurals. It’s not worth getting in a fight over.

As far as playing pickup basketball goes. I don’t care how good you are (or think you are) your goal early on should be to be a good teammate. Pass the ball. Only shoot when you have to. If you’re fun to be on a team with things will go a lot better for you. If you’re a turnover machine who shoots the ball every time you touch it no one will want to be on your team.


Learn your roommate’s schedule- No explanation necessary


Get a fake ID- It’s essential to have a fake ID in college until that magical day when you turn 21. A lot of the action is at bars and you won’t be able to get in without a fake ID.

Ideally for your fake ID you want a real ID that hasn’t expired. Most bars won’t let you in if your ID has expired and they also scan IDs and truly fake or doctored IDs won’t scan.

Here’s what you do.

Step 1- identify an older brother, former teammate, or friend that is 21 and sort of looks like you. Step 2- Give them $50-$100 to fill out a lost identification form at your DMV’s website. Step 3- Ask them for their old ID and another form of photo identification if at all possible.

I paid my older brother to claim he lost his ID and he actually just held on to the old ID and let me use the brand new one. After I turned 21 a kid I played lacrosse with in high school asked me for my old ID and I gave it to him (along with another photo ID). Then one night at a bar about a year later a bouncer came up to me and told me that my little brother keeps trying to get in with my ID. I kept telling him that I didn’t have a little brother and he thought I was just covering for an actual brother, but then I realized who it was.


Find a relatively remote toilet somewhere on campus- When you aren’t in or close to your dorm you’re going to need a sanctuary to defecate. The less populated the facility the better.


Find a computer lab- Doing schoolwork in your dorm, townhouse, house, etc. will become increasingly difficult as your college career unfolds. There are just too many distractions. That’s why it’s crucial to find a place where you can get some work done. It’s also important that the work space you choose includes the option to print. I had a printer during my freshman year, but once the ink ran out (quickly because everyone will ask you to use your printer if they know you have one) I never replaced it.

Most people do their work in the library and as long as you go there when it’s not packed (Sunday nights) you should be fine.


Take a Public Speaking course- I don’t care if your major is Math or Biology. At some point in your college career you should take a Public Speaking course. Not only is it the most helpful class you can take, but it’s the only one that will definitely have real world benefits.


Go to church- First and foremost I’m not advocating the 9am mass on Sunday mornings. Most schools will have a 10pm mass on Sundays. That’s the one to attend. Why? Well everyone gets something different from going to mass, so I won’t pretend to be a missionary. For me it depended on who the priest was. If he could relate and deliver a meaningful message I went (only for about a 5 week stretch in my sophomore year). One of my friends once told me that he goes because it gives him a chance to reflect on what he did during the past week and what he wants to do the following week.

Now that’s all fine and good, but going to church in college is actually a great place to meet girls. Not that you’re picking them up in the communion line, but you at least become aware of one another and can go from there.


Girls- As far as females go, it’s important to remember that they are just as horny as you are (I think this is forgotten too often). Early on it’s all about getting them to come back to your dorm room (perhaps to “watch a movie”). That’s not an easy task by any means, but once you have them in your room you are golden.

Ironically, though, I liked to play on the road and here’s why. 1.) Female beds are a lot more comfortable 2.) You don’t have to worry about when she’s going to leave. It’s all up to you and I would recommend leaving early.

When hooking up with girls try not to get tied down. Be smart and very selective before you even think about dating a girl. I'm not saying don't do it. Just be careful. You go to a small school. Dating a girl usually renders all of her friends off limits for the remainder of your stay in college. If you just hook up with a girl a few times freshman year you can still hook up with her friends when you’re a junior or senior.

Never lose sight of the fact that at no other time in your life will you be surrounded by so many good looking, attainable females that are looking to get some. Make the most of this opportunity.

It should also be noted that 2 out of every 3 girls that have boyfriends will cheat. There’s nothing wrong with being “such a good listener” because odds are she’s going to cave.


Go on Spring Break- Do yourself a favor and go on Spring Break with a group of friends at least once while you’re in college. You’ll make some memories that you won’t forget for the rest of your life. For example, I’ve told the story before, but the name of this very blog stems from a comment my buddy Glancy made during Spring Break in South Padre, Texas.


Alcohol- Bringing alcohol into the dorms and imbibing it is a risk worth taking, but never forget that it’s a risk. Odds are that you’re going to get written up at least once. My recommendations are as follows:

While bringing a 30 pack of beer into the dorms the tried and true method of unloading the cans into a backpack is the way to go. Where people run into trouble is that all too often they load the backpack up in the parking lot close to the dorm where they plan on bringing it in. What you should do is load the backpack up right after it’s purchased at your local package store. Then have the driver drop off the bag carrier near an academic building (or library) and have them walk back to the dorm from there. This at least creates the illusion that they are coming from a class and may in fact have books in their bag.

Once the alcohol is in the dorm I would suggest partying in someone else’s dorm room. Casually drinking/pre-gaming with your roommate and a few others is fine, but if music, beer pong, etc. are involved you want to be somewhere else. This is because if you get written up (and again, it’s probably going to happen) your RA or the RA on duty will remember what dorm the drinking occurred and assign most of the blame (at least mentally) to those that inhabit it.

You also may be in a bar that gets raided (happened to me twice). Get out of the building by any means necessary.


Visit your closest friends from high school at their college- Do this at least once and don’t wait until your senior year because you won’t want to miss a weekend then. I visited at least 5 of my closest friends (7 if you count schools in Syracuse) during my four years of college.


Think big picture- Never let a test or paper prevent you from going out. Always ask yourself, “What is this test going to matter in 5-10 years?” Along the same lines, never be too tired to go out. You don’t want to miss a memorable night. Almost all of your college memories will be from social events and you’ll never forgive yourself if you missed the night when ________ happened because you were studying for a Philosophy test.


Get your (parents’) money’s worth- College is crazy expensive. Assuming my initial points about not skipping class weren’t convincing enough, each class you attend costs about $175 ($40,000 a year/240 classes or 10 per week). Don’t throw that money away. Go learn something.

Speaking of which, don’t skip any meals either. Get your grub on and make the most of your cafeteria. Most people will complain about the limited options, but get creative and embrace the food.


Try new things- You will inevitably fall into some sort of social rhythm or pattern. This bar on Tuesday, that bar on Thursday, this dorm on Friday, this house on Saturday, etc. While these options may be great don’t confine yourself to them. Expand your range for late night activities. Go saki bombing, get margaritas on Cinco de Mayo, make some jungle juice, host a theme party, etc.


Go abroad- This is my one regret from college. I never went because I couldn’t stand the thought of missing an entire Notre Dame football season or Syracuse basketball season, but looking back I wish that I did. I haven’t heard anyone say a bad word about their time abroad. Ever. Seeing the world is something that everyone should do and going with a group of kids you go to college (even if you haven’t met any of them) is the perfect opportunity.


Stay informed- It’s easy to get consumed with your own little world as a college student, but do your best to stay in tune with what’s happening in the world. Trust me, your professors will notice if you have some concept of what’s happening politically, economically, internationally, etc. I achieved this task by regularly watching The Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Watching these shows paid significant dividends for me in my politics, communications, and writing classes.


Develop a relationship with 1-2 professors- You will inevitably have a favorite teacher or two. Make the most of this relationship. You will need them as a reference when you start applying for jobs.


Realize that everything comes full circle- Don’t get mad if you have to pay $5 for a solo cup at a party. By the time you’re a senior you’ll be on the other end of that transaction. Also, don’t get upset if a girl is hooking up with an older guy because sooner or later you’ll be that older guy and come second semester senior year all of the girls in your grade will be desperately looking for some loving.


Cherish every moment because it goes wayyy too quickly- Have fun.