Best Movies of 2012

I've undoubtedly become more busy this year, which means that I haven't had as much time for things that I love: Jeopardy!, golf, and movies. I'm not sure why those were the first things to go (actually I'm quite certain that I could think of plenty of other activities that I no longer partake in as much), but while I'm definitely not as intelligent or as good at golf as a byproduct I don't think that watching fewer movies has made me less of a movie critic. I think it's actually made me more picky about the movies I choose to see, and has thus honed my critical eye.

Due my self-proclaimed skills as an evaluator of films I've decided to add a new feature to this post. Have you ever read a book/movie/album review where the critic uses words that you've never heard of to explain the deeper meaning of what the work is actually about? I will attempt to reveal the themes of each movies in their simplest form. I may use some big words while employing this reductionist method, but deal with it.

Here are the top 10 movies that I saw in 2012 (3 of them were released in 2011)


10.) Total Recall



I usually hate re-makes (Total Recall was originally released in 1990 and starred Arnold Schwarzenegger), but when you put Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale in a movie I'm going to watch it. This may have made the list because my expectations were extremely low and I came out of the theaters pleasantly surprised, but I remain convinced that it's worth the two hours of your time.

What is this movie actually about? class warfare and the corruption of power


9.) Bachelorette



It could be called a Bridesmaids knock off, but I really enjoyed it (again, expectations were low). The humor is a bit raunchy, so don't watch it with mom and dad, but it appeals to both genders. I love Lizzy Caplan and she's both hot and hysterical in this film.

What's this movie actually about? female jealously


8.) Skyfall



This is not my favorite Bond film of all time. In fact, it's only my 2nd favorite of the Daniel Craig films. I still enjoyed it, though, because you know what you're going to get when you see a Bond film; action, guns, crime, sex, and espionage.

What's this movie actually about? the duality between modernity and the past


7.) Drive (2011)



I was pretty sure that Ryan Gosling's performance in this film was going to garner an Oscar nomination last year and I'm still stunned that it didn't. He knocked his understated, reserved role out of the park. He barely said a word throughout the entire thing, which accentuated the quality of his performance. The movie is a neo-noir piece about a heist that goes wrong. There's action, murder, confrontation, and a love interest (the sneaky hot Carey Mulligan).

What's this movie actually about? loyalty, loneliness, and body language


6.) Ted



It's essentially a two hour episode of Family Guy, which means it's hysterical (and obviously funnier if your high). People will be quoting lines from this movie for years to come.

What's this movie actually about? the bond of friendship, growing up, and the effects of marijuana


5.) A Separation (2011)



This Iranian work won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film last year and I heard positive review after positive review, so I finally saw it. It's intense, stirring, and filled with deeper meanings. I doubt that any of you will take the time to see it, but if you do it will definitely force you to think and isn't that what all movies should do?

What's this movie actually about? the many sides of the truth and loyalty to family


4.) Lincoln



I'm a bit of a politics/history freak, so I know that I probably like this movie more than most, but it's worth seeing solely for Daniel Day-Lewis' portrayal of Honest Abe. Halfway through I had to remind myself that it was actually Day-Lewis on the screen and not Lincoln. My main takeaway as I exited the theaters was, "That movie was two and a half hours? It sure didn't seem that long."

What's this movie actually about? our 16th president not slaying vampires


3.) The Dark Knight Rises



There was a lot about this film that I liked and a lot that I didn't, but at the end of the day there's no question that it was incredibly entertaining. It should also be noted that it was next to impossible to live up to The Joker, but Bane came damn close.

What's this movie actually about? privacy, obligation, fate, and coping with loss


2.) Argo



I love politics and I love Ben Affleck. There was almost no chance that I wasn't going to love this movie. Sure the ending is over dramaticized, but the story is still incredible.

What's this movie actually about? faith in a federal bureaucracy and having conviction in a singular idea


1.) Midnight in Paris (2011)

 

On the surface this Woody Allen movie is about a writer who finds inspiration from magically spending time with the likes of Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemmingway, Gertrude Stein, etc. It also features a great cast with Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, and the intoxicating Marion Cotillard. What it's actually about is how everyone looks to a past point in history or their own lives and thinks of it as the glory years. Everyone wishes they could go back to a certain time or place, but what they don't realize is that those good times aren't as good as they seem. The further we're removed from the past the more we glorify it. We choose only to remember the positives.

What's this movie actually about? romanticizing the past


I also enjoyed- The Avengers, Flight

I want to see- The Master, The Hobbit, Zero Dark Thirty, Silver Linings Playbook, This is 40, Django Unchained, On the Road


Here are my Week 17 NFL Picks (our national nightmare is finally over)

Jets +3 at Bills
Dolphins +10.5 at Patriots
at Bengals -2.5 vs. Ravens
Browns 0 at Steelers
at Colts +7 at Texans
Jaguars +4 at Titans
Eagles +7 at Giants
Cowboys +3 at Redskins
at Lions +3 vs. Bears
Packers -3.5 at Vikings
Bucs +4.5 at Falcons
at Saints -5 vs. Panthers
Chiefs +16.5 at Broncos
at Chargers -10 vs. Raiders
Cardinals +16.5 at 49ers
Rams +11 at Seahawks

Last Week- 7-9
Season- 109-129-3

Book It

I rarely opened summer reading books when I was in high school, but as I've gotten older I've developed more of a thirst for literature. Maybe it's one of the few ways to momentarily quench my insatiable desire to keep learning (watching Jeopardy! is another), but reading has become something of a hobby for me over the past few years. I can still only read right before I go to sleep, but when I'm reading something that I like I often read until 2 or 3 a.m. Over the past two or three years I've also been a part of a semi-regular book club (we essentially just recommend books to each other) with my buddy Kyle Korver (he might want to be called Steve Novak now, I'll have to ask him).

I do not claim to be a literary expert, but I have read plenty in 2012 and would like to share some of the work that I enjoyed the most. Before we get to my Top 10 Books That I Read in 2012 I should point out that (just like the title suggests) all of these books were not published in 2012. I just happened to read them over the course of the calendar year.



10.) Plum Island by Nelson Demille



This is the story of a NYC cop who’s convalescing on Long Island and become entangled in the investigation of the murder of an attractive, young couple who were scientists on a island run by the government. It reads almost like a Scooby Doo plot mixed with sex and pirate treasure. My roommate, who recommended the book, insists that it’s the worst of the series, but that I needed to read this one to get the background of the main character. It was entertaining enough to make my top 10, but I don’t think I’ll be reading the second book of the series.


9.) Do Not Ask What Good We Do by Robert Draper



I’m something of a political junkie, so I was pumped to read this account of the inner workings of the House of Representatives. It read like an episode of HBO’s The Newsroom without any drama, urgency, or sizzle.


8.) The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach



This novel is ostensibly about a college baseball player who has an errorless streak going, but it’s more of a campus novel that deals with a multitude of relationships (including a gay one).


7.) Don’t Put Me In Coach by Mark Titus




If you don’t know the story of the former Ohio State walk on that parlayed a popular blog into a job at Grantland.Com then you’re missing out. Titus is simply a funny kid who acted liked an absolute clown while suiting up for one of the best college basketball teams in America. The writing isn't that great, but the stories are fantastic.


6.) The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides



This book is definitely more feminine than what I’m used to, but it won the Pulitzer Prize, so I figured that I’d give it a shot. I wouldn’t say that it was great, but it was well worth my time and I liked how it ended and that’s more than I can say about most books that I read. The story begins on the morning of a college graduation (probably where I’d start a novel if I ever wrote one) and follows the exploits of a female over the next few years as she deals with the real world through the context of her relationship with two guys she knew well in college.


5.) Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman



When he was a writer for Spin magazine pop Culture critic/commentator Chuck Klosterman was tasked with traveling the country to visit the places where rock legends died. In this novel we get his inner monologue while on the two week journey. It’s very self-serving (a lot of the book is about his relationships with three different women), but there’s the usual blend of witty and intriguing commentary that we’ve come to expect from Klosterman.


4.) 11/22/63 by Stephen King



If that date doesn’t strike some sort of chord in your head then this book might not be for you. Stephen King messes around with time travel (yay for worm holes) and tells an incredible story about the assassination of JFK. It's about 900 pages, but it's hard to put down.


3.) Risky is the New Safe by Randy Gage



Do you want a glimpse of what the world is going to be like in 10 years? If so, then read this book. Gage does a great job of forecasting the future of the economy and job market. It’s basically a manifesto on why you should immerse yourself with cutting edge technology. If you read this book and aren’t motivated to create more content in your field of work (in whatever capacity) then something is wrong with you.


2.) Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn



The writing in this book is off the charts. I read this fast paced thriller in July and am still amazed at the ability of Flynn. Her technical skills as a writer are enormously impressive. The plot is also something to behold. When a wife goes missing her husband works hand in hand with the police before realizing that he’s actually the primary suspect. The chapters alternate from each spouse’s perspective and the amount of suspense, tension, and humor (I laughed out loud at least 20 times) is simply remarkable. I wasn’t wild about the ending, but the ride this book took me on was absolutely worth it.


1.) The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg



In this Malcom Gladwell-ish book Duhigg explains how and why we fall into routines (both good and bad). He uses real world examples to illustrate the effect of changed or learned habits including a riveting chapter about how retail stores like Target often know that a woman is pregnant before she does. This book is not going to fix all of your bad habits, but it will give you a better understanding of why you do what you do. I would recommend this book to anyone.


My Week 16 NFL Picks

at Lions +4.5 vs. Falcons
at Packers -13 vs. Titans
at Panthers -8.5 vs. Raiders
Bills +4.5 at Dolphins
at Steelers -4 vs. Bengals
at Jaguars +14.5 vs. Patriots
Colts -6.5 at Chiefs
at Cowboys -2.5 vs. Saints
Redskins -5.5 at Eagles
at Bucs -3 vs, Rams
Giants -2 at Ravens
at Texans -7.5 vs. Vikings
Browns +13.5 at Broncos
at Cardinals +6 vs. Bears
at Seahawks +1 vs. 49ers
at Jets -2 vs. Chargers

Last Week- 4-12
Season- 102-120-3

The Year in Music

If you divided popular culture into different genres you'd probably end up with television, movies, books, art, celebrities, sports, and music. There may be 1-2 others that I'm missing (fashion for example), but those are the big ones. Now I'm not an expert in any of those genres, but I obviously know some of them a whole lot better than the others. I've made no secret about the fact that I don't know music as well as I used to, but just because I'm not an afficionado doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion when it comes to the best songs of the year.

In order to get better informed about the top songs of the year I consulted with a few reputable sources and spent hours listening to hits that I was less familiar with.

Rolling Stone's Top 10 Songs of 2012

1.) “Hold On” by Alabama Shakes
2.) “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift
3.) “Take A Walk” by Passion Pit
4.) “Thinking About You” by Frank Ocean
5.) “Ramada Inn” by Neil Young
6.) “Mercy” by Kanye West
7.) “Rocky Ground” by Bruce Springsteen
8.) “Sixteen Saltines” by Jack White
9.) “Pay in Blood” by Bob Dylan
10.) “Emmylou” by First Aid Kit

I could be way off (seeing that I readily admit that I'm out of touch with music), but I don't think this was a great year in music. My reasoning is simple. Rolling Stone actually listed their Top 50 Songs of 2012 and there were an inordinate amount from artists that were popular in the 70s and 80s. Just look at the Top 10. Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, and Bob Dylan? Their average age is 67. You're telling me that they had three of the best songs of the year? I guess my point is this. If those songs were recorded by three no name artists would they even sniff the Top 100? No chance.


Slant Magazine's Top 10 Songs of 2012

1.) “Take Care” by Drake featuring Rihanna
2.) “Running” by Jessica Ware
3.) “Pyramids” by Frank Ocean
4.) “Gun Has No Trigger” by Dirty Projectors
5.) “Disparate Youth” by Santigold
6.) “I’m Shakin” by Jack White
7.) “Five Seconds” by Twin Shadow
8.) “Hold On” by Alabama Shakes
9.) “1991” by Azealia Banks
10.) “National Anthem” by Lana Del Ray

"Hold On" by Alabama Shakes is on both of these lists, so after listening to it five times I've decided that it's at least worthy of the #10 spot on my list. So we'll start the countdown there...


Best Songs of 2012

10.) “Hold On” by Alabama Shakes- The lead singer looks nothing like what you'd picture.

9.) “Some Nights” by fun.- The title track and probably the best song on their debut album, but it wasn't the song with the most societal cachet.

8.) “Time is Love” by Josh Turner- My cousin who will not be named adopts one country song every year and this was the winner in 2012. I've been on a bit of a country kick the past year and a half and I agree that this song is absolute fire.

7.) “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye- I can't tell you why this song became so popular, but it did.

6.) “No Church in the Wild” by Jay-Z and Kanye West- This would be a badass walk up song for a baseball player. It's also already a fantastic song to hear in movie trailers.

5.) “Home” by Phillip Phillips- I recently found out that this guy was an American Idol contestant (winner?) which made me think slightly less of him, but this song is still fantastic. I also have to ask, what were his parents thinking?

4.) “Whistle” by Flo Rida- This is probably only my 2nd or 3rd favorite Flo Rida song from 2012, but it was definitely the most popular and culturally significant, so therefore it gets the edge. If I put together a Top 10 Artists of 2012 Flo Rida would almost definitely be in the top 3.

3.) “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons- Somehow Mumford & Sons have figured out a way to appeal to both men and women. 

2.) “We Are Young” by fun.- I can't be the only one who Googled "song from the new chevy commerical" when I first heard this song.

1.) “Springsteen” by Eric Church- There's no doubt that country songs tell the best stories. This one is about hearing a song that takes you back in time. This notion is so relatable. There are a handful of songs that instantly make me think about a certain memory or time in my life when I hear them. It's really pretty amazing how music and memory are so intertwined.


I also enjoyed- “Wild Ones” by Flo Rida featuring Sia, "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by Eli Young Band, "We Take Care Of Our Own" by Bruce Springsteen

I would be remiss if I didn't mention two of the most popular songs of the year that didn't make my countdown. "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen should probably have earned a spot on my liste based on sheer popularity, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was definitely a huge summer hit, but it got so annoying that whatever positive thoughts I had with regard to it vanished. The other incredibly popular song that was worthy of a spot on my list was "Gangnam Style" by Psy, but I was drowned by the never ending parodies and remakes. Psy also sang an anti-American lyric a few years back, so fuck him.


My Week 15 NFL Picks

at Eagles +4.5 vs. Bengals
Packers -3 at Bears
Giants +1.5 at Falcons
Bucs +3.5 at Saints
at Rams -3 vs. Vikings
Redskins 0 at Browns
Jaguars +7 at Dolphins
at Ravens +3 vs. Broncos
Colts +8.5 at Texans
at Chargers -3 vs. Panthers
at Bills 5.5 vs. Seahawks
Lions -6.5 at Cardinals
Steelers -2 at Cowboys
at Raiders -3 vs. Chiefs
49ers +5.5 at Patriots
Jets +1.5 at Texans

Last week- 6-10
Season- 98-108-3
 

Top Tweets

Not only is it Christmas season, but it's also list season. You know, that time of year when anyone and everyone are putting together Top 5's and Top 10's to commemorate the year that was. As a dutiful subject of our society I usually partake in this flurry of lists myself.

To get things started I present to you my Top 15 tweets of the year. Now, as you'll soon find out, these are all tweets composed by me. If I had planned on doing something like this I may have had the foresight to keep a running Word Document of all the tweets by others that I liked, but because I didn't you're left with only the random thoughts that I came up with over the past 12 months.

Now since this is already an extremely narcissitic endeavor I decided not to go ahead and rank the following tweets. Instead they will simply be displayed in chronological order.

Jan 3- I'm not sure if Kendrick Perkins realizes that the common denominator in all of his scuffles is him. - He still doesn't get it.

Jan 15- "The Mayans were right" will undoubtedly be the most overused joke of the year

Feb 12- There's a black guy in Maroon 5? - I'm still stunned by this.

Feb 19- Nah, Gmac, Duany, Melo, Hak, and Forth RT @RJ_Mosley Is the Lin , jr, melo, amare, chandler lineup the most exciting lineup ever created? - Let's Go Orange.

Mar 31- If the taco Erving Walker stole had a Nacho Cheese Dorito shell then I totally understand. - In case you aren't aware, former Florida basketball player Erving Walker was arrested for stealing a $3 taco and fleeing the scene. After he was caught he claimed he was, "just playing around," but he ended up having to pay $301 as punishment.

May 2- Worked on Mike and Mike this morning and found out that Greeny and Golic thought that my name was Stan Zick. - About 5-6 people at work, including the entire show staff of Mike and Mike, continue to call me Stan Zick (even in emails) to this day.

Jul 8- @GottliebShow Federer winning at Wimbledon is evidence that Tiger will win the Masters at least one more time - I stand by this comment. Federer was not the strongest or best athlete in the field at Wimbledon, but his past success there helped him out immensely and I believe that Tiger's familiarity at Augusta will help him win the Masters at least one more time before it's all said and done.
Aug 2- There's an entire drawer in my house dedicated solely to Taco Bell hot, fire, and mild sauce. - True story.

Sep 3- My junior prom date is married? Thanks Facebook

Sep 7- Just delicately walked by Amare Stoudemire in the hall way and tried not to breathe for fear of injuring him. - He ended up getting hurt anyway.

Sep 9- The Mount Rushmore of celebrities that don't age- Coach K, Bob Costas, Gwen Stefani, and Faith Hill - As it was later pointed out to me, the original celebrity that didn't age was Dick Clark.

Sep 13- I'm convinced that people only buy iPads to tell people that they have an iPad and so that their emails say "Sent from my iPad"

Sep 30- You know a TV show's going to suck when its name could pass for an MLS or WNBA team. #ChicagoFire

Oct 17- HD TV has come a long way, but isn't it interesting that it's still hard to tell if it's raining somewhere?

Oct 31- My brother shaved his head to be Mr. Clean one year and his hair never really grew back. #Halloween - Also a true story.



Here are my NFL picks for Week 14

at Raiders +10 vs. Broncos
at Redskins -2.5 vs. Ravens
Chiefs +6 at Browns
at Steelers -8 vs. Chargers
at Colts -5.5 vs. Titans
at Jaguars -2.5 vs. Jets
Bears -3 at Vikings
at Panthers +3.5 vs. Falcons
at Bucs -7.5 vs. Eagles
Rams +3 at Bills
at Bengals -3 vs. Cowboys
Dolphins +10 at 49ers
at Giants -5 vs. Saints
Cardinals +10.5 vs. Seahawks
at Packers -6.5 vs. Lions
Texans +3.5 at Patriots

Last week- 8-8
Season- 92-98-3

Hate List 4.5

I last updated my Hate list in June, but I’ve been incensed multiple times since, so it’s time to vent. For previous editions of my Hate list click here. Now on to the hate…

1.) Unnecessary handshakes- There are three guys at work who insist on shaking my hand even though we see each other roughly 3-5 times a week. They go out of their way to open a door for the sole purpose of saying hello or goodbye to me and for some reason a verbal exchange just isn’t enough for them. I would have no problem if they popped their head in a studio and said, “Just wanted to say hi,” or, “Have a good night,”, but it drives me crazy that they walk over to me with their hand extended. I’m usually working on something (with headphones on) and have to stop what I’m doing, turn towards them, and shake their hand. I don’t get it. Handshakes are for business deals or after critical conversations with a boss. They aren’t for simply hellos and goodbyes anymore. By the way, there’s also a 60+ year old guy at work who tries to be cool and offers pounds to anyone and everyone with his elbow fully extended and he bothers me slightly less than the handshake guys.

2.) People that drag out their trips on Facebook- If I ever make an ultra hate list this item will definitely make the cut. I almost made an entire post about this annoying trend. I understand that people get excited about going places and want to share their joy on Facebook. I’m fine with that, but too often I see people that make numerous posts about the same trip. It starts with the, “Vegas booked” status update which several people comment on and like. Three weeks later it’s, “24 days until Vegas!!” Soon enough it’s, “I’ll be in Vegas one week from now!” and “All I have to do is get through this week and then it’s Vegas.” The day of the trip we get a check in from the airport and an update that reads, “Vegas bound!” Hours later we get the check in from the Vegas airport of the hotel. The last day of the trip we usually see a picture of a pool or some morning cocktails with a caption that reads, “I’m going to miss Vegas,” or, “Last day in Vegas. I’m going to miss my morning mimosas.” A day or two after the trip we get the photo album, which is probably the only thing I’m ok with. If you go somewhere, whether it be Vegas, Cancun, or Cali, you have every right to be excited about it, but I think it’s unnecessary and annoying for you to make 6-7 posts about the same trip.

3.) People that post the distance that they’ve run on Facebook or Twitter- I hattttttte people that brag about the distance that they run every day. Run to get in shape, stay in shape, or to train for a race (half marathon, marathon, etc.), but please don’t broadcast your efforts to the world. It’s nice that you’re running because more people should be doing so, but your Nike Plus Facebook that tells me about how you ran 3.1 miles today is repulsive.

4.) Jokes about the Mayan calendar- On January 15th I tweeted, “The Mayans were right will undoubtedly be the most overused joke of the year.” Let’s just say that I nailed it. Every time something remotely surprising in sports happens someone will tweet, “I guess the Mayans were right.” In fact, Grantland.Com’s Bill Simmons has made the Mayans joke upwards of 5 times this year (twice in January, once in March, once in August, once in September, and once in November) and I cringe every time.

5.) People that say that they like college basketball more than the NBA- I hate these people because they’re wrong. What they mean to say is that they like their favorite college basketball team more than they like their favorite NBA team. For example, if I gave you the choice of watching Kansas @ Missouri or Celtics @ Lakers tomorrow night on TV which would you rather watch? Let’s not even get into how much better it would be to attend the NBA, but even when it comes to watching on TV it’s not even close. There’s simply too much turnover in college basketball. By the time you get to know the players they’re gone. I work in sports (and have produced a Kansas basketball game this season) and can only name one player on Kansas and one on Missouri. I know almost every player on the Celtics and Lakers (and most people, even girls, know Rondo, KG, Pierce, Kobe, Nash, and Dwight). Now, you might be saying, “That’s not fair. The Celtics and Lakers are two of the most storied franchises in NBA history and one of the best rivalries.” You’re right, but Kansas is one of the top 5 programs in college basketball history and their rivalry with Missouri is one of the Top 5 in the sport. And if you didn’t know that about Kansas and Missouri then it further proves my point. Also, Kansas is currently ranked 10th in the country and Missouri is 16th. The Celtics currently have the 11th best record in the NBA and the Lakers are tied for 14th.

Here are my NFL picks for last week and this week

Week 12
at Lions +4 vs.Texans
at Cowboys -3.5 vs. Redskins
Patriots -7 at Jets
Raiders +8 at Bengals
Steelers -2 at Browns
Bills +3 at Colts
at Chiefs +10.5 vs. Broncos
Titans 3 at Jaguars
at Bears -6.5 vs. Vikings
Falcons -1.5 at Bucs
Seahawks -3 at Dolphins
at Chargers -1.5 vs. Ravens
49ers -1.5 at Saints
Rams +1 at Cardinals
Packers +3.5 at Giants
at Eagles +3 vs. Panthers

Last Week- 7-9
Season- 84-89-3


Week 13
at Falcons -3.5 vs. Saints
at Bears -4 vs. Seahawks
at Packers -8 vs. Vikings
49ers -7.5 at Rams
at Jets -4.5 vs. Cardinals
at Chiefs +3 vs. Panthers
at Lions -4.5 vs. Colts
at Bills -6 vs. Jaguars
at Dolphins +9 vs. Patriots
Texans -6.5 at Titans
Bucs 7 at Broncos
Steelers at Ravens
at Raiders +1 vs. Browns
at Chargers +2.5 vs. Bengals
Eagles +10 at Cowboys
Giants -2.5 at Redskins

Rivalry Week

I’m not sure if it’s being branded as such, but it’s now rivalry week in college football. Among the rivalry games that will be played on Saturday are Oregon at Oregon State, Notre Dame at USC, Michigan at Ohio State, Auburn at Alabama, and South Carolina at Clemson. Naturally this begs the question- what is the best rivalry in all of college football?

The answer to that question depends on who you ask, but for argument’s sake here is my Top 10.

10.) South Carolina vs. Clemson- This is probably a little high, but a few weeks ago Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney said nothing but positive things when asked about the injury to South Carolina running back Marcus Lattimore and the Gamecocks head coach Steve Spurrier decided to start a verbal pissing contest.

9.) Army vs. Navy- It’s probably the most meaningful to the respective students and alumni, but I never know any of the players in the game, so it’s hard for me to put it any higher.

8.) Kansas vs. Missouri- This one would be ranked much higher, but the series has been put on hold with the Tigers departure to the SEC. They call this one the border war because of a dispute in the 19^th century about slavery in the Kansas territory. With historical roots like that you know it’s an important game.

7.) Oregon vs. Oregon State- They call it the Civil War, which accurately assesses the hate between the two schools. Interstate contests like this are always contentious and make for great rivalry games. In this one the phrase “throw out the records” most certainly applies.

6.) Texas vs. Oklahoma- You know it better as the Red River rivalry. The name dates back to a border dispute between the states, so there’s some added tension to the game. These two schools routinely represent the best of the Big 12 and they usually put up a lot of points in the Cotton Bowl, where the game is held during the Texas State fair.

5.) Miami vs. Florida State- These two Florida schools are usually ranked pretty high when they meet and the game is generally decided on a missed field goal.

4.) Stanford vs. Cal- They call this one “The Big Game” and 30 years ago the band played a factor in the outcome. The winner of this one gets an axe and that’s pretty cool.

3.) Notre Dame vs. USC- This is a bit of a homer pick as I’m a huge Notre Dame fan, but this matchup is largely thought of as one of the best rivalries in the sport, so I’m fine with placing it this high.

2.) Michigan vs. Ohio State- It's known simply as “The Game”, which just goes to show you how important it is for fans on both sides. The last few years notwithstanding this has been the the best rivalry in college football over the course of the last 15 years. They met in what’s known as “The Game of the Century” back in 2006. Ohio State won the game 42-36 and everyone that was anyone wanted them to play a rematch to decide the national championship, but the BCS ranked Florida ahead of Michigan and the Gators defeated Ohio State in the title game.

1.) Auburn vs. Alabama- They simply care about football more there than anywhere else. Case in point, an Alabama fan was arrested in 2011 after admitting to poisoning the famous trees on Auburn’s campus (Toomer’s Corner)

While those are the best all-time rivalries in college football, the best current rivalry has to be LSU vs. Alabama. They’ve been two of the best teams in the country for the last 3 years and Alabama head coach Nick Saban used to coach LSU. What more do you need?

What are the best rivalries in other sports?

NFL

Traditionally- Packers vs. Bears, Cowboys vs. Redskins

Currently- Steelers vs. Ravens

MLB

Traditionally- Cubs vs. Cardinals, Yankees vs. Red Sox, Giants vs. Dodgers

Currently- Reds vs. Cardinals

NBA

Traditionally- Lakers vs. Celtics, Bulls vs. Pistons, Pacers vs. Knicks

Currently- Celtics vs. Heat

College Basketball

Traditionally- North Carolina vs. Duke, Syracuse vs. Georgetown, Kansas vs. Missouri

Currently- Cincinnati vs. Xavier

Here are my picks for Week 11 in the NFL

at Bills -2.5 vs. Dolphins

Eagles +3 at Redskins
at Lions +3.5 vs. Packers
Cardinals +9.5 at Falcons
Bucs -1.5 at Panthers
Browns +8 at Cowboys
at Rams -3 vs. Jets
Colts +9.5 at Patriots
Jaguars +14.5 at Texans
at Chiefs +3.5 vs. Bengals
Saints -4.5 at Raiders
Chargers 7.5 at Broncos
at Steelers +3.5 vs. Ravens
at 49ers -5.5 vs. Bears

Last Week- 6-8

Season- 69-74-3

Traveling

There’s a saying- travel young. The thought being that the best time to travel is when you’re young because as you get older more things will prevent you from seeing the world. It makes a lot of sense. It’s a whole lot easier to backpack through Europe with some friends right after you graduate college than it is to plan a trip to China in your 30s. As we get older more and more responsibilities begin to accumulate.

I’ve always wanted to travel, but I’ve hardly done any in my 26 plus years on the planet. I knew countless kids that went abroad in college and zero of them have ever said a bad word about their experience. In hindsight going abroad seems like a no brainer, but I couldn’t pull the trigger for a number of reasons. For starters, I was having a blast on/off campus and didn’t want to miss a full semester of that. My main rationale was that I didn’t want to miss a Notre Dame football season in the Fall (even though they were largely dreadful while I was in college) and I couldn’t bear the thought of missing a Syracuse run at the Final Four in the Spring (Syracuse missed the NCAA Tournament in 2 of the 4 years that I was in college). I’m still not sure if it was actually something else that was holding me back, but the sports thing is what I told people. I don’t regret much from my college experience (people who say they have no regrets are liars), but not going abroad is high on my list.

If you could go to one place in the entire world, where would it be and why? I think that’s a fascinating question. For me, the answer is simple- Ireland. I’m half Irish, would love to play golf there, am all about small pubs, and could get used to those Irish breakfasts. While Ireland tops my list, I could probably rattle off 9 or 10 more places if I really thought about it (English speaking countries would definitely take precedent for me). I desperately want to travel around Europe (for starters), but I don’t foresee an opportunity to do so in the near future. I’m certainly not going to go by myself and have no one that would want to go with me. All of my friends are buying houses, getting engaged, having kids, etc. Sadly, the only other country that I’ve been to is Canada and that’s mainly because I grew up 4 hours away and am a big time Blue Jay fan.

My travels within the greatest country in the history of civilization are rather limited as well. One of my roommates has a very admirable goal of visiting all 50 states before he turns 30. I think that’s awesome. I’ve only been to 18 of the 50 states (I’ve had layovers in 2 more, but that doesn’t count), which seems pretty low to me. I want to travel to all 50 states as well. Maybe I’ll give myself until I’m 50. That seems appropriate, right?



When I was younger my dad used to take my brothers and I on a trip to various baseball stadiums every summer. He’d map out a manageable drive, confer with the MLB schedule, and we’d get to see a baseball game or two in a variety of venues. I’ve always wanted to complete this expedition and see a game in all of the parks, but I have a long way to go (I’ve seen a game in 13 of the 30 stadiums) and have hardly added to the list in the past decade. You’d think that working in sports would help with this one, but it hasn’t…yet. I’m told that I’ll begin traveling more, but I’m not holding my breath (I’ve worked on upwards of 500 events so far and have been on site for 2 of them- both this year).

I guess my point is that I want to travel a lot more, but can’t find a way to make it happen. I don’t want to wait until I retire to see the country/world, but I feel like my window to travel young is closing rapidly. If you have any solutions or want to travel somewhere with me I’m all ears.

My Week 10 NFL Picks

at Jaguars +3.5 vs. Colts
Bills +11 at Patriots
Giants -4 at Bengals
Chargers +3 at Bucs
Broncos -4 at Panthers
at Dolphins -6 vs. Titans
Raiders +7.5 at Ravens
Falcons -2.5 at Saints
at Vikings +2 vs. Lions
at Seahawks -6 vs. Jets
Cowboys -1.5 @ Eagles
at 49ers -11 vs. Rams
at Bears -1 vs. Texans
Chiefs +12.5 at Steelers

Last Week- 7-7
Season- 63-66-3

Holidays

Halloween post college is largely overrated. Sure, you can still attend costume parties and have a good time, but the cons definitely outweigh the pros. First of all, you have to think of a costume that is relatively unique, but also not too hard to figure out. If you’re a witch, convict, pumpkin, sports figure that was in the news for all of the wrong reasons (Kobe after the rape charges, a Duke Lacrosse player, Michael Vick after the dog scandal, Joe Paterno, Bobby Petrino, etc.), Santa Claus, or Quail Man from Nickelodeon’s Doug you simply aren’t trying. I’m certainly no expert, but my old standbys (Dr. Pepper, Axl Rose, Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez) aren’t bad.

Forget about the costume, what was the best part about Halloween as a kid? The candy. As a twenty something you definitely can’t trick-or-treat and you shouldn’t really be eating candy anyway, so half of the luster of Halloween is gone right there. Throw in the fact that the weather sucks and Halloween is a lot of hype and not a lot of delivery.

Just because I’m not a huge Halloween guy doesn’t mean that I don’t like holidays. In fact, here are my top 5.

1.) Thanksgiving



It’s about family, eating, football, napping, and getting hammered. What’s not to like? The most underrated part about Thanksgiving is that it’s always on a Thursday, so the schedule for the week is usually the same. Everyone can go out hard on Wednesday (best drinking night of the year), you can play touch football the day before or the day of, and everyone has Friday off so the party keeps going as long as the leftovers.

2.) Fourth of July



For starters, I love America, so I take celebrating our independence pretty seriously. The 4th is a day to drink, have a barbecue, honor the flag, watch baseball, and enjoy some fireworks. The early to mid-summer temperature makes the 4th the best holiday by far weather wise.

3.) Christmas



Christmas is a lot like Thanksgiving except presents are involved, so the initial thought is to elevate December 25th over Turkey Day, but doing so would be wrong. There’s a lot to love about Christmas (presents, family, the NBA, etc.), but here are some negatives. The 75 minute Christmas mass, the weather, no one willing to go out because they have to spend time with their extended family, and being stuck in your house for days on end.

4.) St. Patrick’s Day



I’m half Irish, so this one was a no brainer. Sometimes St. Patty’s day falls on a Tuesday, so it’s not as wild. I guess I have the Saturday where St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated ranked 4th here. This past year I went to the Gaelic American Club in Fairfield, CT and had an absolute blast with my extended family as we got hammered while listening to an Irish band headed by my mom’s cousin.

5.) Labor Day



There are no rituals involved with Labor Day, but it still makes my list because it’s the last weekend of summer and people like to get wild one last time in their white pants.


My Week 8 NFL Picks

at Vikings -5.5 vs. Bucs
Patriots -7 at Rams
at Titans -3.5 vs. Colts
Jaguars +14.5 at Packers
Chargers -3 at Browns
at Eagles -3 vs. Falcons
Seahawks +2.5 at Lions
Dolphins +2.5 at Jets
Panthers +7.5 at Bears
Redskins +4.5 at Steelers
Raiders -1 at Chiefs
at Cowboys -2.5 vs. Giants
Saints +6 at Broncos
at Cardinals +7 vs. 49ers

Two Weeks ago- 9-4
Last Week- 5-9
Season- 56-59-3

Here are my Week 9 Picks

at Chargers -7.5 vs. Chiefs- I’m not comfortable laying more than a touchdown on a Norv Turner led team, but the Chiefs might be an even bigger disaster. Last week they started Brady Quinn, who promptly threw an INT and got a concussion, and only gave the ball to Jamaal Charles 5 times.

at Bengals 4 vs. Broncos- The Broncos are hot, but I like the Bengals coming off of a bye to keep it close. Cardinals +11 at Packers- The only team the Packers have blown out this year was the Texans and that was when they were 2-3 and in absolute desperation mode.

Dolphins -2.5 at Colts- Miami is hard to peg, but I think they’re an overall better team than the Colts. Andrew Luck might pull something out of his ass like he did last week in Tennessee, but I like the fish in this one.

Ravens -3.5 at Browns- Cleveland is feisty as hell, but a rested Ravens team should dominate this game.

at Texans -10.5 vs. Bills- I don’t like laying double digits, but the Bills have been blown out of the water in 3 games against superior teams so far this season.

at Redskins -3 vs. Panthers- I haven’t gotten a lot right this year, but the one thing that I’ve nailed is how overrated Cam Newton and the Panthers were coming into the season.

Lions -3.5 at Jaguars- If the Lions have any hope of returning to the playoffs they should win this game handily. It’s a battle of QBs with great flow and I’ll take Stafford whose cabbage isn’t as impressive as Gabbert’s, but his arm is definitely superior.

at Titans +3.5 vs. Bears- The Bears are 6-1 and due for a stinker and/or another very close win over an inferior team.

Vikings +5 at Seahawks- Did you know that Christian Ponder is dating ESPN’s Samantha Steele? That’s what we like to call a power couple folks.

at Raiders -1 vs. Bucs- Carson Palmer has been slinging it this year. I’ll take the silver and black to win an ugly one.

Steelers +3.5 at Giants- Everyone knows that the Giants are better on the road. Plus, the Steelers are hot, so I’ll ride the wave and hope the G-Men win by a field goal.

Cowboys +4 at Falcons- It’s desperation time for the Cowboys. I can see them winning this game outright (Atlanta is due for a loss) or losing by 20+.

Eagles +3 at Saints- Yes, I’m doubling down on desperate NFC East teams that I spend most of the year hating. The Saints defense sucks and I think LeSean McCoy is going to run wild in the Superdome.

Patiently Waiting

As I’ve mentioned time and time again, I consider myself to be one of the leading experts in the field of social etiquette. I’m not talking about what fork to eat your salad with at a fancy restaurant (outside in, grow up people). I’m talking about what the unwritten rules are for holding doors for strangers, whether or not you can get a refill on your fountain soda if you ate your meal outside of the restaurant, and how much and when to tip a valet (the guy that actually parks the car gets screwed, but it all evens out in the end).

I’m fortunate enough to have a friend named Browny who, like me, is an expert in this field. Whenever I find myself in a situation where I’m unsure of the proper protocol I consult with him almost immediately and vice versa. Now obviously because I’m bringing up this topic you must have assumed that one of us found ourselves in one of these situations recently. It was me. Here is how my email exchange with Browny went.

“Sir,

So I walk down to the ESPN Cafeteria last night and stop at the Starbuck's stand (I've been working nonstop on the MLB Playoffs and I need a pick me up). There's one woman/barista (I guess that’s the preferred term these days) working and her back is turned as she's cleaning up some pots, etc. She keeps moving around, back and forth with stuff, and I keep assuming that she's going to see me waiting to order. 30 seconds go by and I can't get any eye contact, so finally I say, "How's it going tonight?" She turns and gives me a look that I initially decipher as her saying, "I saw you the whole time and wanted to finish my cleaning before I served you," and then she actually says, "Good, what can I get you tonight?" She's normally very nice, so I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. My question to you, because this has happened to me at other places (namely the sandwich station of the same cafeteria), is how long am I supposed to wait in the front of the line unnoticed before I say something? Am I required to wait until they see me? Can I say something right away? Had this woman said, "I'll be with you in one moment," I would have said, "Ok, no rush,", but she didn't even see me, or so I was led to believe. Hopefully you followed that and can give me some sage advice.”

“Sir,

This is a very intriguing situation that you bring up and certainly one that I have experienced many times myself. In my opinion I would say that you handled this perfectly. 30 seconds feels like an eternity when you are waiting and are unsure if you have been noticed. You politely made an effort to get her attention because she legitimately seemed pre-occupied and distracted with other work. She is in the business of customer service and if she in fact did not see you then I would say you did her a favor. If she did see you and chose not to acknowledge your presence then I would say that is a mistake on her part. She easily could have given you the "I will be with you in just a moment" and as you mentioned you would have been fine with that. In no situation should someone, whose job it is to serve a customer, simply ignore a customer’s presence for more than 30 seconds. You are not required to wait for them to turn around because there is too much uncertainty with that and you could be left waiting for a long time. In most situations I would think the employee would be happy that you spoke up because they may have been distracted. This is why we need more bells like they have at hotels. Although I am sure they are annoying to the employees they can serve a purpose to customers especially in slower times of the day where there may be less staff working.”

I’m not sure if I completely agree with him on the bell idea (it seems a bit obnoxious, but then again that’s what it’s there for), but I was happy to see that he agreed with how I handled the Starbuck’s situation. Feel free to let me know if you disagree, or if you have any protocol questions that you need clarified.

My Week 7 NFL picks 4 days later than usual (I swear I didn’t change any of them)

at 49ers -7.5 vs. Seahawks
Titans +3 at Bills
Cardinals +6.5 at Vikings
at Colts -2 vs. Browns
Ravens +6.5 at Texans
Packers -6 at Rams
Cowboys -2.5 at Panthers
Redskins +6 at Giants
at Bucs -2 vs. Saints
Jets +10.5 at Patriots
Jaguars +4 at Raiders
Steelers -1.5 at Bengals
Lions +6.5 at Bears

Last Week- 9-5
Season- 42-46-3

My Starting Five

Last week someone asked me who’s in my starting five. They weren’t talking about my fantasy basketball team or the terrible Sprint advertising campaign featuring Charles Barkley and Dwyane Wade. What they meant was one of those agreements amongst married couples where each spouse picks 5 celebrities that they can sleep with without any repercussions. Essentially they wanted me to name the five celebrities that I want to sleep with the most. For fear of wasting one of my selections I chose not to answer. It’s almost like a genie in a bottle situation. You don’t want to make any of your wishes impulsively. Everything has to be well thought out. So that’s what I did. After mulling the question over for the past week here’s what I’ve come up with.

1.) Olivia Wilde



I was way late to the party on this one, but I’m a huge fan. She might have the most attractive eyes on the planet. Throw in the fact that she’s an Irish-American, real cool in interviews, and gets topless in movies and this one was a no brainer. Jason Sudekis is a very lucky man.

2.) Marisa Miller



I don’t think it’s possible for me to be more attracted to another human being. The former SI Swimsuit Cover Model is a bit of a surfer chick, but she loves sports (always played in those celebrity softball games at the All-Star Break) and has the ideal body.

3.) Candice Swanepoel



Her body defies the laws of physics and I desperately want to get an up close and personal look. You know the term “baby bearing hips”? She has the complete opposite, but she also has legs for days.

4.) Mila Kunis



She’s a very popular pick right now and she makes my list because she’s got that dark, mysterious quality to her. She also has the kind of eyes that suck you in.

5.) Nicole Sherzinger



She’s not black, but she certainly diversifies my list and then some. The lead Pussycat Doll doesn’t get enough credit for being such a knockout.


And now my Week 6 NFL picks

at Titans +6.5 vs. Steelers- The quality of the Thursday night games has been abysmal. I love how there’s a game every week and I’m more engaged with the NFL product (I would normally never watch the Titans, or Cardinals/Rams from last week), but the players clearly aren’t prepared physically or mentally for these quick turnarounds. I’ll take the home dog and hope it’s an ugly affair.

Bengals -2.5 at Browns- I don’t feel good about this one, but I still think that the Bengals are the better team, even though you’re supposed to assume that home field is worth 3 points (that would make the Browns a ½ point favorite on a neutral field).

at Jets -3.5 vs. Colts- The Jets showed a lot of fight against the Texans on Monday and this game seems like a turning point in the season for them. If they lose they might go off the rails and the Tebow talk will intensify, but I think they put together a complete game and take care of the Colts.

Chiefs +4 at Bucs- My cousin who will not be named once started a Facebook Group (back when people did that) called, “I want to have Brady Quinn’s children.”

Raiders +9.5 at Falcons- Atlanta wins, but Oakland covers, right?

Cowboys +3.5 at Ravens- The Cowboys are coming off of a bye and Tony Romo isn’t going to throw 5 interceptions again. I like the pokes (look it up) to win outright.

Lions +3.5 at Eagles- Matthew Stafford might be more due than A-Rod right now.

at Dolphins -4 vs. Rams- I can’t get a read on the Dolphins. After watching HardKnocks I thought they were going to be horrendous, but they’ve either overachieved mightily or they’re a lot better than I thought. I’ll assume it’s the latter and lay the points.

at Seahawks +3.5 vs. Patriots- Seattle has beaten the Cowboys and Packers at home this year, so I feel pretty good about them staying within a field goal.

at Cardinals -4.5 vs. Bills- No way I could turn down the opportunity to lay 4.5 points with a three headed running attack like the one the Cardinals have in Larod Stephens-Howling, Alfonso Smith, and William Powell.

at Redskins -1 vs. Vikings- RGIII plays and the Redskins squeak past the very solid Vikings.

Giants +6.5 at 49ers- The defending Super Bowl Champs are getting 6.5 points on the road (where they not only play better, but in a place where they won the NFC Championship Game last year)? Yes, please.

Packers +3.5 at Texans- The Packers need this game and I think Houston could benefit from a loss. That isn’t to say that Gary Kubiak is going to coach to lose, but they don’t want to deal with all of the undefeated bull shit that the Packers did last year. The Packers are desperate and win out right. at

Chargers +1 vs. Broncos- It’s a coin flip game and both teams need it. I’ll take the home team.

Last Week- 4-10
Season- 33-41-3

Week 5 NFL Picks

Cardinals -1.5 at Rams- The Cardinals hadn’t lost yet (3-1 ATS), so I was either going to keep picking them to win or keep picking them to lose. I took the wrong path.

at Redskins +3 vs. Falcons- Robert Griffin III is 4th in the NFL with a 103.2 quarterback rating. Andrew Luck is 24th with a QB rating of 75.4. Don’t you feel like we’d be hearing a lottt more about Luck if those numbers were reversed? By the way, I’m 0-4 picking Falcons games against the spread so far, so I’ll take the points and hope they finally lose.

at Steelers -3.5 vs. Eagles- The Eagles have won three coin flip games so far this season (1 point wins over Cleveland and Baltimore and last week’s 2 point win over the Giants), but their luck will run out this week against a well rested Pittsburgh team who will finally have the services of James Harrison and Rashard Mendenhall.

Packers -7 at Colts- The Green Bay offense sure seems to be clicking now, although they did play the porous Saints defense last week, and I don’t think Andrew Luck has enough around him to get into a shoot out with Rodgers.

Browns +8 at Giants- This line opened at 10, so the public likes the Browns, which means that I should be all over my Giants, but these are the type of games that the G-Men struggle with. I see a 21-17 Big Blue win, but it’s going to be an ugly affair in the swamps of northern New Jersey.

at Vikings -6 vs. Titans- It’s hard to believe that the Vikings are 6 point favorites against anyone after the season they had last year, but they have something going with Ponder, Percy, and Peterson. Throw in the fact that they wear purple and there’s alliteration everywhere. The only way the Titans win is if Matt Hasselbeck lights it up because Chris Johnson will be going nowhere against the stout Vikings rush defense.

at Bengals -3 vs. Dolphins- Miami has been a lot better than I thought, but I think Cincinnati’s the better team and they’re at home.

Ravens -6.5 at Chiefs- I’m 0-4 picking Kansas City games this year, so clearly I have absolutely no read on that team. The Ravens have had 10 days off and they know they didn’t play well against the Browns, so I expect to see a heavy dose of Ray Rice in a Ravens rout. (Someone stop the alliteration)

Seahawks +2.5 at Panthers- I continue to think that people over value the Panthers because they’re aware of how dynamic Cam Newton is. Carolina is 1-3 and their one win came against the winless Saints. I’ll gladly take the points and the better team.

at Jaguars +6 vs. Bears- It’s a short week for the Bears who are still riding high off their Monday night win in Dallas. This game has let down written all over it.

at Patriots -6.5 vs. Broncos- The expectation is that it’ll be a close game with the Brady vs. Manning hype, but I see the Patriots pulling away in the 2nd half and winning 34-21.

at 49ers -10 vs. Bills- I usually take the points with double digit spreads, but I don’t see the Bills offense getting much done on the road in San Francisco.

Chargers +3.5 at Saints- The crowd will be electric with Sean Payton in the building and Drew Brees trying to break Johnny Unitas’ record, but until they win a game I can’t, in good conscience, lay more than a field goal.

Texans -9 at Jets- They can’t make this line high enough. The Jets offense has zero chance of moving the ball against the Texans defense. This game has all the makings of a blow out followed by a full week of “should Tebow start in Week 6 against the Colts?”

Last week- 8-6-1
Season- 29-31-3

TV Timeout

Not only is football back in full swing, but so too is the fall TV season. Many of our favorite shows have unveiled their season premieres in the past week (The Emmy’s were also on Sunday) and most people can’t keep their thoughts to themselves, so I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of Facebook posts about them. Rather than annoy you with meaningless drivel in the minutes after a show airs (Who watches shows live anymore anyway? It’s called a DVR people) I’ve instead chosen to simply list my current Top 10 favorites. Not all of these shows are currently airing new episodes, but, in my opinion, they are the best of the best.

Before all of you clowns that watch 6 hours of singing competitions on a weekly basis freak out I should tell you that I did not consider reality television shows (If I did The Challenge would definitely be in the mix). In order to make my list the show not only needed to be scripted out by very talented writers, but also acted out by real life actors (my apologies to Family Guy, South Park, etc.). I also didn’t include late night shows, political programs, or hybrids of the two (my apologies to The Daily Show, Colbert Report, etc.)


10.) Episodes (Showtime)- I’m probably the only person in America that watches this show about a British couple who move to the United States to write a television show that stars Matt LeBlanc as a hockey coach. Trust me when I tell you that the dialogue is filled with sharp, biting intelligent humor. It’s honestly one of the best written shows on television and I crack up every time I watch this show, but I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone.

9.) How I Met Your Mother (CBS)- This used to be a top 3 show for me, but it’s fallen off considerably in my opinion. Episodes are very hit or miss nowadays. In fact, here’s my buddy Frank’s CNN.Com recap (please click the link) of the season premiere.

"After watching the season premiere of "How I Met Your Mother" on Monday, I realized that I'll most likely find the mother of my future children before Ted Mosby does (Vegas actually has me going off at 4-to-2 odds).

Then again, all I have to deal with is fate, chemistry, luck, mathematical probability and guys who have great abs, like Robin's new boyfriend.

Ted, on the other hand, has to deal with a show that refuses to get to the point.

Monday's season premiere, "Farhampton," picked up right where we left off - sort of. At first, everything happened in the future ... and then in the past ... and then in the future again? Honestly, I don't know. I get confused watching "Survivor."

But what I do know is that we were once again given an episode with a lot of interesting plot points that - thanks to "HIMYM" being its own spoiler alert - didn't go anywhere.

Going through last season's greatest "possibly-The-Mother" hits of Victoria, The Slutty Pumpkin, Robin and somehow Victoria again was at times as burdensome as actually talking to one's own mother (just kidding Ma, love you!). I mean, sure, it served the show's ultimate purpose, but it overshadowed some of the other intriguing occurrences.

For example, the plotline of Marshall and Lily having a baby (also known as a "greatest middle name of all time" nominee, Marvin "Waitforit" Erickson) and Barney getting engaged were all just footnotes in the search to get to The Mother of all "HIMYM" answers.

And now, at the start of a fresh season, we get an episode with more footnotes:

"Lily and Marshall are soooo tired that they're basically under-the-sea zombies! Hilarious, right?" [Don't care, get to the Mother.]

"How about Ted sitting at a train station in the future where we see a woman with a yellow umbrella who could maybe, possibly be the Mother?" [Blank stare.]

See what I mean?

The explanation Victoria's runaway groom, Klaus, gave to Ted on how Victoria is "almost the thing you want but not quite" was fitting. It was a great moment, but it's also pretty much what "HIMYM" is right now. It's "almost the thing you want but not quite."

Yet, I still hold hope that we'll find that "lifelong treasure of destiny" sooner rather than later.

8.) 30 Rock (NBC)- The best way to describe 30 Rock is occasionally wacky, but always incredibly witty. Despite having what I think is a very good memory I struggle to remember many lines as I’m walking out of a movie theater, but the writing in 30 Rock is so impressive that I routinely remember plenty of lines from each episode. Alec Baldwin, a notorious liberal, playing an uber conservative in Jack Donaghy is almost as impressive as Neil Patrick Harris, a homosexual, playing a womanizer in Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.

7.) Dexter (Showtime)- I could do without the inner monologues about “The Dark Passenger” and the visions of his dead father, but the show is still an absolute thrill to watch. There’s a new villain every season and even though you know that Dexter will end up killing him/her, it’s a 12 week suspense filled journey with twists and turns that you never expect. This villain per season formula makes it incredibly easy to distinguish specific episodes, plot lines, etc.

6.) Veep (HBO)- A situational comedy set in the second highest political office in the country? Yes, please. I almost watched all 8 episodes of Veep in one sitting (despite what you may think, I don’t have that much free time). Julia Louis-Dreyfus is incredible and the Emmy she won the other night was very well deserved. I can’t think of another actor/actress who has become synonymous with a character that they’ve played that has been able to have such success in a future endeavor. As great as she is on the show, Tony Hale (formerly Buster Bluthe in Arrested Development) might be even better.

5.) Breaking Bad (AMC)- What’s impressive about Breaking Bad is that it started as this semi-realistic story about a high school chemistry who starts cooking meth to pay for his cancer treatment, but things escalated very quickly and the show hasn’t lost any of its luster. Some plot lines are so ridiculous nowadays (the train episode), but they still have you on the edge of your seat. I also hate over 50% of the characters on the show, but I’m still hooked.

4.) Homeland (Showtime)- All you really need to know is that it swept the 3 biggest awards at the Emmy’s on Sunday Night (Best Drama Series, Best Actor/Actress in a Drama Series). Homeland is about a bipolar CIA agent who has a hunch about a military war hero. If you liked 24 you’ll love Homeland. There’s a lot of interrogations, theories, escaping from impossible situations, and the usual plot twists and episode ending cliff hangers.

3.) Modern Family (ABC)- I don’t think anything will ever live up to the first season, which is an incredible re-watch, but Modern Family continues to churn out laugh out loud moments week after week. I could do without their insistence on projecting a heartfelt family moral message at the end of every episode (this isn’t Full House), but the characters are about as indelible as they get. Phil, Manny, Cam, and Dylan (in that order) are simply hysterical.

2.) Mad Men (AMC)- I’ve written about Mad Men a lot in the past and even though this most recent season wasn’t one of the best the show is still amazing. I hate time period pieces. Give me a show/movie about the present day over a time period piece (past or future) any day of the week, but Mad Men is different. For starters, it gives kids our age a glimpse into the world that our parents grew up in. If that doesn’t at least mildly intrigue you than I can’t help you. The show is serious in that it deals with real world problems (or at least the major issues of the day in the 60’s) and isn’t looking for any laughs. It’s a drama in the best connotation of the word. It’s also smart and beautifully written. Some people find the show slow and boring, but they’re also the ones going to the movie theater to see Abraham Lincoln slay vampires and Kevin James as an MMA fighter.

1.) Parks and Recreation (NBC)- A comedy about a small (fictional) town government bureaucracy that continues to get funnier year after year. It used to be the only Thursday night comedy on NBC that I didn’t watch and now it’s my favorite show on television.

Here’s what Grantland’s Andy Greenwald had to say after last week’s season premiere:

“In programming, recapping, and basic automotive care, the squeaky wheel always gets the most attention. This is a shame, particularly so in the case of Parks and Recreation, the smoothest-running comedy on television. While all of its neighbors are lassoing headlines for being badly rated, badly in need of euthanasia, or merely being bad, Parks is in the midst of a nearly unprecedented run of excellence. Real talk: Since figuring itself out in its second season, Parks has strung together dozens of episodes of such high quality and remarkable consistency that it hearkens back to the golden age of NBC’s Thursday nights.”

Here’s a sample of a fantastic Q&A with head writer Michael Schur done by GQ:

"GQ: We were talking earlier about making sure your show has a beating heart underneath, that the characters all love each other. Do you ever have a problem where you pull back too far? Where you're like, "This is too nice. I need these people to fight a little bit more." How hard is it to find that line?

Mike Schur: Well, it is very hard, and there's no comedy without conflict. That's one of the most basic truisms of comedy. The way our show has chosen to find that conflict is often by external threats—in other words, the core group of people are usually on the same team, and they're dealing with outside opposition. So instead of doing a bunch of stories where Tom and April hate each other, we do a story where April is running a pet adoption, and she hates the people who are not adopting the pets because she sunk a lot of work into the pet adoption and no one is showing up, and she gets really angry at the town, and then Tom shows up at her house and says, "Hey, you worked really hard, and that one little girl who adopted a puppy is really happy, and you should be happy about that."

Now, occasionally, for obvious reasons, you have to have your main characters in opposition to each other. Otherwise it gets really boring. I mean, Ron and Leslie, for example, have completely opposing worldviews. Ron is like a 19th-century libertarian who thinks that everyone should leave everyone else alone in all matters, and the government should be one guy sitting in a room, and his only power is he gets to decide who to nuke. That's his idea of perfect government. And obviously Leslie is an incredibly progressive person who believes that the government is the very fabric of a society and that it can do all these amazing things to help its citizens. So they come into conflict all the time, and we try to show in that relationship that as friends, as humans, they have a great deal of respect for each other, and they see the best in each other. Ron admires Leslie's work ethic, and Leslie admires Ron's integrity, so that even when they're fighting, you know that they still care about each other. There are ways to create conflict that aren't just, "These two people hate each other for this 30-minute show."

Week 4 NFL Picks

Browns +12 at Ravens
Patriots -4 at Bills
Vikings pick ‘em at Lions
at Falcons -7.5 vs. Panthers
49ers -4 at Jets
at Chiefs pick ‘em vs. Chargers
Titans +12 at Texans
at Rams +3 vs. Seahawks
at Cardinals -6.5 vs. Dolphins
at Broncos -6.5 vs. Raiders
at Jaguars +2.5 vs. Bengals
at Packers -7.5 vs. Saints
Redskins +3 at Bucs
Giants +2 at Eagles
Bears +3.5 at Cowboys

Last week- 6-9-1
Season- 21-25-2