Movember

Today marks the end of Movember, a worldwide celebration of the moustache that aims to raise awareness for health issues that primarily plague men like prostate and testicular cancer. Like most causes, this is a great one (Does anyone ever say, this is a bad cause?). I mean, am I the only one fearful of the day that I have to endure a proctate exam?

Unfortunately my moustache only grows in faintly. It's there, but it's just not at all noticeable. Luckily, I know some people that have a little more going on under the nose and above the lips. So in honor of Movember, here they are:


Matty K




Jimmy Jam




Jess




Pete




Of course, a post about moustaches would not be complete without mentioning former Toronto Bluejays/Syracuse Chiefs great Sal Fasano.



Sal spent his entire big league career as a journeyman backup catcher and left an indellible mark wherever he went. He wasn't much of a hitter, but he worked well with pitchers and was a great guy to have in the clubhouse. In fact, Sal worked so well with pitchers that former closer Tom "Flash" Gordon once said, "There's nobody I'd rather throw to than Sal Fasano."

A few years ago Sal was thinking about retiring, but his third child was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome (the left side of his heart didn't fully develop) and the medical bills were not cheap. Although his body was quickly deteriorating, he continued playing baseball in order to provide for his family.

"It's often hard to get out of bed ... hard to want to go to the field....My wife is home with the kids, serving as a mother and a father. You can't help but question your sanity. You're driven by one thing -- hope."

He signed a minor league contract with the Bluejays in 2007 knowing that he would need to get called up at some point during the season in order to qualify for the Major League health insurance plan. He spent much of the season in the city of hopes and dreams playing for the Chiefs, but did get called up to play in 16 games for the Jays that year. Sal then rolled the dice again in 2008, this time with the Cleveland Indians, and was fortunate enough to play in 15 games that year for the Tribe.

"We need the coverage. Playing major league baseball is awesome. I love it, I enjoy it. But this is about my family first. About Santo (his son)."

This past season Sal signed a minor league contract with Colorado Rockies, but was never called up to the big leagues. This unfortunately meant that he and his family were stuck with the Minor League health insurance plan, which isn't terrible, but it doesn't cover all of the procedures that may be necessary for his son.

Knowing that his chances of ever making it back to the show were bleak, Sal officially retired and last week was named the manager of the Toronto Bluejays' Single A affiliate: the Lansing Lugnuts (I couldn't make that up if I tried).

Surely, based on his track record of working with pitchers at every level Sal will make a phenomenal manager (most former catchers are). I'd love it if he burst onto the scene like Joe Girardi, but that's probably a bit too much to ask. I'm just happy that the future stars of my favorite baseball franchise will be taught by such a great person.

"When I think of Sal Fasano, I think of greatness. Not of Willie Mays or Ted Williams greatness, but of a uniquely excellent human being who, were class and decency the most valued standards of a career, would be the easiest Hall of Fame inductee of all time." - ESPN.Com's Jeff Pearlman

Leading Role: Denzel Washington

I've said it about 1000 times, but I will say it again. The best two actors of our generation are Leonardo DiCaprio and Denzel Washington. If I had to rate all the actors in Hollywood those two would be 1 and 1a. DiCaprio is awesome because of his versatility and the fact that he's slamming arguably the hottest chick on the planet. Denzel is great because he's transcended crime dramas from both sides of the coin. In fact, he's so good that I root for him even if he plays the criminal (American Gangster (2008)).

That being said, which Denzel role is his finest? He's won two Oscars. One for Best Supporting Actor for his role in the Civil War drama Glory (1989) and one for Best Actor for his role in Training Day (2001), which I'll cover momentarily. The real question here though is what movie do you immediately think of when you see Denzel? If he were to retire from acting today, which movie role would he be most remembered for?

To better gauge your response, here are the nominees:


1.) Gray Grantham in The Pelican Brief (1993)



This is probably the best Denzel movie out there that most of you haven't heard of. In the film, which is based on a novel by John Grisham, Denzel plays an investigative journalist who catches wind of law student's theory about why 2 U.S. Supreme Court Justices were murdered. As he and the law student, played by Julia Roberts, uncover more pieces to the puzzle their lives become increasingly more in danger.

Most Memorable Lines:

Darby Shaw: Everyone I have told about the brief is dead.
Gray Grantham: I’ll take my chances.

Justice Rosenberg: Any of those signs got my name on 'em?
Gray Grantham: Quite a few.
Justice Rosenberg: What do they say?
Gray Grantham: The usual: Death to Rosenberg, Retire Rosenberg, Cut off the oxygen.
Justice Rosenberg: [laughs] That's my favorite. Of course you, Mr Grantham, did pretty good by me your last time out: Rosenberg equals the government over business, the individual over government, the environment over everything. And the Indians? Oh, give 'em whatever they want.
Gray Grantham: Well with all due respects sir, that wasn't my line, that was a quote.

Edwin Newman: Where is Darby Shaw?
Gray Grantham: I think that's also a question for Darby Shaw, but I know that she's not available to answer questions as long as this "feed frenzy" continues.
Edwin Newman: Does that mean that you don't know where she is?
Gray Grantham: No I didn't say that.
Edwin Newman: Then you do know...
Gray Grantham: [laughs]
Edwin Newman: I, I take it this cryptic smile means you'll not answer...
Gray Grantham: [smirking uncontrollably]
Edwin Newman: Okay Gray, you know that in view of all this, you know that there's a lot of speculation that this woman is a figment of your imagination. That you created her, from a lot of different sources. Just as there are people who believe there was no Deep Throat, there are those who believe that there is no Darby Shaw. In other words, she's just too good to be true.
Gray Grantham: She almost is.

Synopsis: This role probably isn't Denzel's finest, but it definitely solidified his status as a leading man in Hollywood. This film is the first time that we see Denzel's extraordinary ability to excel in crime related dramas/thrillers.


2.) Jake Shuttlesworth in He Got Game (1998)



In this Spike Lee joint, Denzel plays the convict father of the best high school basketball player in the country (Ray Allen). The governor lets him out of prison for one week in the hopes that he can convince his son to attend my favorite fictitious college, Big State University(the governor's alma mater).

Most Memorable Lines:

Jake Shuttlesworth: That's right. Come on, come on. Work, baby. You got to work harder than the next man, right? It's the will of the man; it ain't the skill of the man. He can't play you. He can't do nothing with you! We the only two people up. Me, you and Michael Jordan. That's the only people. Everybody else in the world is asleep. What you think Jordan doing right now? He lifting weights right now.

Jesus Shuttlesworth: I hate my name. What kind of name is Jesus anyway?
Jake Shuttlesworth: It's biblical.

Jesus Shuttlesworth: God ain't shit!
Jake Shuttlesworth: Number one, why you gotta use this kinda language? What you some kinda heathen now? You don't make no mistakes? You be out here shootin', but you don't miss no shots ever? EVER? People make mistakes! People veer off the path! God forgives them!
Jesus Shuttlesworth: Has God forgiven you for killing my mother?
Jake Shuttlesworth: I pray that he has, son. I believe he has. When will you?

Jake Shuttlesworth: I pray you understand why I pushed you so hard! It was only to get you to that next level, Son. I mean, you's the first Shuttlesworth that's ever gonna make it out of these projects, and I was the one who who put the ball in your hand, Son! I put the ball in your crib!

Jake Shuttlesworth: I want you to go to Big State, Son. Jesus Shuttlesworth: Aw, Man, you just like everybody else.
Jake Shuttlesworth: No I'm not like everyone else, Son. Everyone else ain't your father.

Synopsis: Although this is an awesome movie (especially because former SU great John Wallace is in it), I don't think it's Denzel's signature role. Maybe it's me, but I just think Denzel is better when he's on the side of law enforcement.


3.) Alonzo Harris in Training Day (2001)



In ths Oscar winning role Denzel plays a twisted LAPD narcotics detective who shows a young up and comer (Ethan Hawke) the ropes of the day to day operations of his job. The street savvy detective shows the young cop how he bends the rules of the law to achieve street justice, but eventually his corrupt ways catch up to him.

Most Memorable Lines:

Alonzo Harris: Today's a training day, Officer Hoyt. Show you around, give you a taste of the business. I got 38 cases pending trial, 63 in active investigations, another 250 on the log I can't clear. I supervise five officers. That's five different personalities. Five sets of problems. You can be number six if you act now. But I ain't holding no hands, okay? I ain't baby-sitting. You got today and today only to show me who and what you're made of. You don't like narcotics, get the fuck out of my car. Go get you a nice, pussy desk job, chasing bad checks or something, you hear me?

Alonzo Harris: My nigga.

Jake Hoyt: That's street justice.
Alonzo Harris: What's wrong with street justice?
Jake Hoyt: Oh, what, so just let the animals wipe themselves out, right?
Alonzo Harris: God willing. Fuck 'em, and everybody that looks like 'em.

Alonzo Harris: It behoves you not to dick around on this one. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...
Jake Hoyt: What happened was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?
Alonzo Harris: Open your eyes, son. Can't you see?
Jake Hoyt: That man was your friend, and you killed him like a fly.
Alonzo Harris: Why is he my friend, because he knows my first name? Roger sold dope to kids. The world is a better place without him. This man was the biggest major violator in Los Angeles. This is the game. I'm playing his ass. That's my job. That's your job. I watched that cocksucker operate with impunity for over 10 years, and now I got him. The shit's chess, it ain't checkers. What, we all of a sudden gonna roll up in a black-and-white? Come on, man, take the money.
Jake Hoyt: I told you, I'm not gonna take that money.
Alonzo Harris: All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck. But the boys'll feel better about it.
Jake Hoyt: Fuck their feelings.
Alonzo Harris: You're not making them feel like you're part of the team.
Jake Hoyt: The team? You guys are fuckin' insane. All right, I'll go back to the Valley. I'll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to be this way?
Alonzo Harris: I'm sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It's ugly, but it's necessary... Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you for anybody to trust you.

Alonzo Harris: To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.

Alonzo Harris: Aww, you motherfuckers. Okay. Alright. I'm putting cases on all you bitches. Huh. You think you can do this shit... Jake. You think you can do this to me? You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you. SHU program, nigga. 23 hour lockdown. I'm the man up in this piece. You'll never see the light of... who the fuck do you think you're fucking with? I'm the police, I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that's right, you better walk away. Go on and walk away... 'cause I'm gonna' burn this motherfucker down. King Kong ain't got shit on me. That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't, fuck. I'm winning anyway, I'm winning... I'm winning any motherfucking way. I can't lose. Yeah, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.

Synopsis: The first time I saw this movie I wasn't exactly blown away by Denzel's performance, but the second time I watched it I saw why he won the Oscar. Is this his best? Some say yes, but I'm not so sure. As you know, I'm the whitest kid in America, but I think I agree with what the rapper Jadakiss said in his song "Why".

"Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get a Oscar
Why Denzel have to be crooked before he took it."


4.) Creasy in Man on Fire (2004)



In this film Denzel plays a retired CIA operative (do I even have to say anything else?) that is hired to protect the daughter of wealthy couple in Mexico City. He forms a strong bond with the girl (Dakota Fanning) and after she is kidnapped he goes on an absolute rampage of vengeance.

Most Memorable Lines:

Elderly Man: In the church, they say to forgive.
Creasy: Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting.

Lisa: What are you gonna do?
Creasy: What I do best. I'm gonna kill 'em. Anyone that was involved. Anybody who profited from it. Anybody who opens their eyes at me.

Creasy: The gunshot holds no fear, say it.
Pita: The gunshot holds no fear.
Creasy: You welcome the sound. In fact it's the sound that sets you free. You are a prisoner on this block until that sound sets you free.

Creasy: Okay, my friend. It's off to the next life for you. I guarantee you, you won't be lonely.

Creasy: Do you know what this is? It’s a charger used by convicts to hide money and drugs they tuck it up their rectum. This is pencil detonator, timer, used as a receiver from the pager. This is C4 highly explosive; you put it all together you've got a bomb, not very sophisticated, but very powerful.
Creasy: [whispers in his ear] That's what you have in your ass right now.

Synopsis: Could you see anyone else playing this role? I know I couldn't. Denzel shows us the full range of emotions as Creasy. He goes from a disgruntled former CIA operative with no reason to live to a caring bodyguard/father figure type to a vindictive, cold hearted killer all within 2 and a half hours. The only thing this role lacks is a romantic element, but the lack of one only enhances how badass the character is.


5.) Detective Keith Frazier in Inside Man (2006)



In this Spike Lee joint Denzel plays a hostage negotiator who is called into duty when a NYC bank is hijacked by a slew of robbers. When the conventional methods of negotiating go awry, Denzel's character decides to enter the bank and confront the hijacker face to face.

Most Memorable Lines:

Dalton Russell: Soon I'm gonna be sucking down piña coladas in a hot tub with six girls named Amber and Tiffany.
Keith Frazier: No, it's more like in the shower with two guys named Jamal and Jesus... and here's the bad news; that thing you're sucking on? It's not a piña colada!

Keith Frazier: Alright, I've got them right where I want 'em.
Det. Bill Mitchell: Where's that?
Keith Frazier: Right behind me with my pants around my ankles, but it's a start.

Keith Frazier: Oh, please, do not say proposals... my girlfriend... she wants a proposal from me.
Dalton Russell: You think you're too young to get married?
Keith Frazier: No, I'm not too young... too broke. Maybe I should rob a bank.
Dalton Russell: Do you love each other?
Keith Frazier: Yeah, yeah, we do.
Dalton Russell: Then money shouldn't really matter.
Keith Frazier: Thank you, bank robber!

Keith Frazier: Sorry to interrupt you, Mister Mayor, but there's an old American saying: When there's blood on the streets, somebody's gotta go to jail.

Madeliene White: Well detective, there are matters at stake here that are a little bit above your pay grade. No offense.
Keith Frazier: Well, why don't you just tell the mayor to raise my pay grade to the proper level, and problem solved.

Synopsis: Denzel is in his wheelhouse as a hostage negotiator in this movie, but I think Clive Owen outshines him a little bit. Either way, it's a fntastic movie. I particularly enjoy the word play involved in the movie's title.

Blog Posts Revisited

In September I unveiled the first 10 items on my "Hate List". One of the items was, "Touchdown. Commercial. Kickoff. Commercial." Now in yesterday's Cowboys/Packers game FOX raised my hatred to a level that I didn't think existed.

The Packers were deep inside their own territory (sounds like a female masturbating, I know) with under a minute to play in the first quarter. On 3rd and 10 with about 30 seconds left on the clock Aaron Rodgers completed a pass to James Jones over the middle for a first down. The few remaining seconds of the 1st quarter ticked away and FOX went to break.

After the commercial break we learned that Cowboys coach Wade Phillips had challenged the ruling on the field of a catch and that the call had indeed been overturned. The officials put 20 seconds back on the clock and the Packers were forced to punt on 4th and 10. Cowboys wide receiver Patrick Crayton returned the punt 18 yards and with 10 seconds left in the 1st quarter the clock stopped on the change of possession. FOX again went to break.

On the first play from scrimmage after the break Cowboys running back Felix Jones rushed for 2 yards and the first quarter clock ran out, again. So now, even though they had already run their "end of the 1st quarter" ads, they went to another commercial break.

So for all of you non-math majors out there, that's 3 plays and 3 commercial breaks. Simply unforgiveable.


Earlier this month I wrote about some sports related ideas of mine that I think should be implemented immediately. I've recently stumbled across another one that has me a bit perplexed.

Did you know that NASCAR driver Kurt Busch is sponsored by and does commercials for Miller Lite? I've seen the commercial about 2334 times in the past 3 days, but I can't seem to find it anywhere on YouTube.



How is this man not sponsored by the Anheuser-Busch company? Now I know that Dale Earnhardt Jr. drives the Budweiser car, but can we not get Busch to drive a car sponsored by my cheap college beer of choice Busch Light? Sure, maybe they aren't on the same team, or whatever (how NASCAR drivers are on teams I'll never know), but c'mon man.

Seriously though, what better athlete, and I use that term loosely, than a NASCAR driver to do beer commercials? This must have been a marketing coup by Miller Lite to get Kurt Busch. I mean, I am no fan of NASCAR, but I understand it's commercial appeal in this great country of ours. If there's 3 things that Wango Tango (one of the many terms for White Trash) go crazy for they are county fairs, beer, and NASCAR.

Now while we're on the topic, here's a story about a Hall of Fame baseball player that Miller Lite should seriously consider as their next spokesman. If you haven't already read this story this is probably your first time on the internet, but it was relevant, so here it is.

This conversation took place in April of 2007 on a sports talk radio show in Seattle. The host of the show, Steve Sandmeyer, was joined that day by former Mariners and Yankees pitcher Jeff Nelson.

Sandmeyer: Who would you say drank the most beer out of everyone you ever played with?

Nelson: Easy, Wade Boggs…..easy

Sandmeyer: (laughing) Really!? Wade Boggs?

Nelson: Oh, yeah, without a doubt. I’ve never seen anyone drink as much beer as he did in my life:

Sandmeyer: (laughing) Get outta here, alright, give me an example, like how much did he drink?

Nelson: Oh, I’d say, on a typical road trip, east coast to west coast, say a road game to Seattle……Wade would drink anywhere between 50 and 60 beers.

Sandmeyer: NO WAY!! 50 or 60 beers. That is impossible.

Nelson: No, I know…I know how crazy that sounds, and I wouldn’t believe it myself unless I saw him do it…..numerous times. And he drank nothing but Miller Lite.

Sandmeyer: How in the hell did he have time to drink that many beers. For God’s sake, how many times did he have to go to the bathroom?

Nelson: I’m not kidding you Steve. Seriously. Wade was the kind of guy who was always the first one at the club house. So, he’d get to the clubhouse, and he’d bring a six pack with him. He’d be there drinking a beer when someone showed up, and as we were all packing our stuff up out of our lockers and getting our bags ready for the trip, Wade would sit there and drink that whole six pack.

Now, at the time, we were flying out of New Jersey, so it was somewhat of a drive from Yankee stadium to the airport in New Jersey. Wade would drink another couple of beers on the bus to the airport. At the time, we were flying this older airplane, it couldn’t make it across the country without refueling, and it wasn’t the fastest airplane in the sky. So we would stop in North Dakota or something. Wade would drink about a half rack between New Jersey and North Dakota, and it would take about a half-hour to an hour to refuel once we got there, so he’d have a few more beers while we were grounded in North Dakota.

Once we got back up in the air, Wade would drink another 10, 11, 12 beers on the way out to the west coast. The whole flight from coast to coast ususally took us well over 7 hours. We’d touch down at Sea-Tac, hop on the bus headed to the Kingdome, and Wade would have another beer or two on the bus. Then, all of us would get to the Kingdome and unpack our bags and sit around and BS with eachother, and Wade would have a beer in his hand the entire time. He was always one of the last people to leave the club house too. So I’d say that all in all, he drank over 50 beers on the trip, and this wasn’t just an isolated incident, he did that almost every time.

Sandmeyer: Unbelievable. That’s absolutely unbelieveable.

Nelson: Yeah, I know, I’m not kidding though, let’s call up somebody and they’ll tell you man, they’ll tell you I’m not lying.

Sandmeyer: Alright, who should we call up. Let’s take a commercial break, and then we’ll call up somebody and see if we can’t get to the bottom of this…This is absolutely amazing.

[commercial break: When the commercial end, Paul Sorrento, a former Mariner and Devil Ray, and Boggs’s and Nelson's former teammate, is on the phone]

Nelson: Hey Paul, good to hear from you man, I haven’t talked to you in a while.

Sorrento: Yeah, what’s it been like, two, three years?

Nelson: Yeah. Hey, Paul, just to clarify now, I didn’t speak to you over the commercial break, and I haven’t talked to you about anything since we last talked a few years ago right?

Sorrento: Yeah, right.

Nelson: Alright Paul, we’ve been talking about Wade Boggs up here today in Seattle.

Sorrento: (laughing) Yeah, ole Wade huh.

Nelson: Yeah, alright Paul, I need you to answer one question for me, truthfully now….How many beers would Wade Boggs drink on an east coast to west coast road trip?

Sorrento: Oh, jeez, I don’t know, like 70.

The Curious Case of Stephen Curry's Benching

Despite averaging nearly 30 minutes per game through the first 7 games of the season, Golden State Warriors rookie Stephen Curry only played two minutes and 35 seconds last night against the Knicks. Naturally, he was not too happy about it.



"It sucks. It sucks. You don't want to be sitting and watching, especially how the season has started," he told the San Francisco Chronicle. "Hopefully, I won't get used to it, but we'll see what happens."

Coach Don Nelson said it wasn't that big of a deal, however Curry plans to speak with Nelson just to make sure everything is okay.

"They haven't told me that I'm doing anything wrong," Curry said. "I'll ask some questions, because I hate this feeling. I come in and work every day, try to learn and take practice seriously, so I've just got to keep doing that and be patient. ... "I'll do it in a respectful way. I'll do it in a way that shows I'm willing to work harder if I need to or do something different if I need to."

What you may not know is that on the night before this game (Thursday) Curry attended a fundraiser in NYC hosted by former New York Giants running back Tiki Barber. The event was also attended by my cousin, his girlfriend Allison, and our friend Colleen (Allison's roommate). From what I was told it was a rather upscale event with an equally upscale crowd. Due to the older crowd, Curry, who just turned 21 on March 14th (my birthday), and my friends naturally gravitated toward each other. Presumably he and my cousin reminisced about partying together in NYC last June.


My cousin on the left, Curry in the center, and Utah Jazz forward Kyle Korver on the right

Now even though he had a game the following night, Curry went right ahead and joined my friends in making the most of the open bar at the event. As the booze continued to flow Curry did what any other 21-year-old would do: He started making out with our friend Colleen on the dance floor. Keep in mind that he had been talking to my cousin, Allison, and Colleen for some time, so it wasn't like he just randomly started mucking face with some girl on the dance floor. In fact, Allison told me that it felt like the 4 of them were "on a double date".

Later in the evening the foursome had planned on taking a round of shots together, but Curry decided to put the brakes on the drinking, perhaps thinking of his game in the world's most famous arena the following night. While this decision was probably wise, I'm not sure how much good it did him. All day Friday my cousin and Allison complained about how hung over they were at work because of Thursday night's escapades.

Does this story explain why Curry barely saw the floor against the Knicks? I don't know, but it is a bit curious, isn't it? I guess we'll have to wait and see how many minutes he plays against the Bucks tonight.



Fun fact- The picture of my cousin, Curry, and Korver was taken by none other than the aforementioned Colleen.

The Pop Culture Initiative

You probably haven't even noticed, but recently (and by recently I mean about 2 months ago) I added a new website to my link list (which can be found along the right hand column underneath the picture of the American eagle). The Pop Culture Initiative is a blog written by my friend Frank who's about 23 going on 44 years old (he's practically bald). For the longest time Frank had avoided the blogosphere and instead opted to compose his pop culture related musings by way of Facebook notes. In fact, almost a year ago to the day I shared one of Frank's notes with you here on The Effect. Eventually he caved and started blogging his little heart away. To give you some perspective, Frank is an unemployed Syracuse grad who watches and enjoys more trashy television shows and movies than I do. He also writes much more frequently than me. In just 4 and a half months he's cranked out 89 posts, whereas in over a year I've written about 108. Now even though I don't agree with his conclusion, I have included his most recent post because 1.) it's some of his best work 2.) I don't trust any of you to actually click on the link and 3.) now it looks like I've written an entire new blog entry when all I did was write a one paragraph blurb about someone else's work.

The Most Interesting Alcohol Spokesman in the World


You would be shocked about how many times Jenna Jameson came up in the Google search for John Jameson. SHOCKED I TELL YOU!

3 AM is a weird time of night.

If you're still awake at 3 AM you're doing one of four things: working a graveyard shift, sex, sex for the second time, or being completely sleepless and bored. I don't have a job so no graveyard shift, I run a pop culture blog so come and get it ladies, so of course if I'm up at 3 AM it's because I can't sleep and I'm bored (1). However, this isn't a bad thing because being up late gets the old brain juices flowing and a pop culture analyst like myself can reap certain benefits such as I did last night.

Watching Sportscenter for the 15th time in a row I came across a Jameson Irish Whiskey commercial where jukebox hero/creator of the best whiskey known to man, John Jameson, jumps in the ocean to save a barrel of his precious, precious whiskey. This is very cool. However, he not only jumps in the ocean, but also says goodbye to his crew by making out with the only woman crew member, fights off a giant octopus who also wants some whiskey, and then shows up to his own funeral (2) with said barrel of lost whiskey in tow. If you've never seen the commercial check it out below:



Now, I don't know if it was my lack of sleep or the 3rd PB and J of the night, but after watching the commercial I had the immediate reactions:
1.) I wish I was John Jameson or at-least the giant octopus.
2.) I want to write an unauthorized fictional biography of John Jameson immediately.
3.) I wonder how many points LeBron had tonight (3)?
4.) If that commercial is to be believed than John Jameson is the most interesting man in the entire world.

That last one is what spurred on this entire post. John Jameson is pretty awesome. John Jameson is pretty interesting. He fought a giant octopus... for a barrel of whiskey... that he made. That's unrealistically bad ass and completely interesting, so in theory John Jameson is more interesting than--Oh I don't know--this guy:


Yes, the Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man In The World.

My GOD that man is interesting. He's like 100 of me, nay, 200 of me on my most interesting day(4). He is, as the commercial calmly and cooly goes on to say, the most interesting man in daaa world, BUT has he ever fought off a giant octopus for a barrel of his own whiskey, or showed up at his own funeral which all of his country was attending? Is the Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man In The World more interesting than John Jameson? Well, lets waste some time and found out, shall we?

We already know what makes Jameson so interesting as seen from the commercial, so we must figure out what makes The Most Interesting Man In The World so damn interesting. Here are some interesting facts about The Most Interesting Man In The World according to the Dos Equis commercials:

He once had an awkward moment just to see what it felt like

The Most Interesting Man In The World is never awkward. EVER. Highly believable and that's pretty interesting. Yet, going out of your own way to feel awkward, something I do all the time, isn't as interesting as fighting off a giant Irish Octopus for your own whiskey (FYI the octopus is Irish because it wanted to kill someone who was trying to take it's whiskey).

He can speak French in Russian

I can't even comprehend what that language would sound like. Probably interesting. I mean he's talking the most sexual language (French) in the language of the workman (Russian). So either way he's takin' care of business. However, if he spoke American English in Italian (the greatest two civilizations known to man! YEAH!) (5) then maybe I'd be able to think more of him.

He's a lover, not a fighter, but he's also a fighter so don't get any ideas

This might be my favorite of all the quotes. Like can you define the perfect man's man any other way? I want to walk away from this computer right now, get that saying tattooed someplace on my body and set my old meaningless male life aflame. Truth be told even if I did that it probably wouldn't be enough to be as interesting as The Most Interesting Man In The World. This self defeat at the hands of the Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man In The World isn't interesting, it's heartbreaking.

His beard has had more experience than a lesser man's entire body

This statement opens a whole new area of debate. Is John Jameson's beard more interesting than The Most Interesting Man In The World's beard? For the sake of time and beard discussion I'll just say all beards are interesting.

The Most Interesting Man In the World is obviously interesting. I mean he's the most interesting man in the world. However, John Jameson is not only interesting but he created the greatest whiskey of all time (6). The Most Interesting Man In The World is only drinking Dos Equis. If he was truly interesting he would have opened up the most interesting brewery company in all daaa world!

John Jameson is the most interesting man/alcohol spokesman in the world not just because he went after a barrel of whiskey, but because he went after a barrel of whiskey he crafted himself. The Most Interesting Man In The World is interesting, but John Jameson gave us Jameson Irish Whiskey which makes even the average life more interesting.

1 Also could be drunk.
2 According to the commercial all of Ireland attends because lets be serious John Jameson, the creator of Jameson Irish Whiskey AKA the nectar from the Irish Gods, dying by going after a barrel of his own whiskey in Ireland would be like if George Washington and Abraham Lincoln committed a murder suicide pact on the Fourth of July with fireworks on top of the Statue of Liberty.
3 Unrelated. I just really like LeBron.
4 May 25th, 2008, Hard Rock Cafe Casino, Las Vegas, NV. Ask me about it sometime.
5 U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!
6 Jack Daniel's a Kentucky Bourbon, and the rest of you that say Crown Royal and Maker's Mark can go back to your ivory towers and trophy wives. Snobs!

Double Take

My twin sisters turn 22 today, so in honor of them, I present an extended version of Double Take. Noticing full fledged look-a-likes, or seeing a resemblance to someone in another is a skill that almost everyone thinks they possess. Now, yes, anyone with the sense of sight should be able to recognize a look-a-like more often than not, but as with anything some people's perceptions are much more accurate than others.

From what I can tell, there are three different ways to identify a look-a-like. The first way is to say that Person A looks like Person B. Pretty straight forward and pretty standard. The second way is to say that Person A will look like Person B in x amount of years. This one involves a bit of intuition, but when it's done accurately it can be quite impressive. The third and final way to identify a look-a-like is to say that Person A looks like a cross between Person B and Person C. This is perhaps my favorite variety of look-a-likes, but it's also the hardest to notice and to get others to see.

Now the 3 look-a-likes that follow are all of the first kind. Person A looks like Person B. All three look-a-likes feature someone from the world of sports and someone from Hollywood.

1.) St. Louis Rams Head Coach Steve Spagnuolo and Actor Edward Norton



They better hurry up and make a movie about the New York Giants 2008 Super Bowl victory over the previously ubeaten New England Patriots so Norton can play then Defensive Coordinator Spagnuolo. In all seriousness, I bet that they turn that playoff run into a movie at some point (10-20 years), but by the time they get around to making it Norton will be too old to play Spagnuolo.


2.) Actor Keanu Reeves and New York Knicks forward Danillo Galinari



I guess based on his role as former Ohio State quarterback turned Federal Agent Johnny Utah in Point Break (1991) we've always thought that Keanu had the athletic look about him. Now, all these years later we finally have someone that looks exactly like him participating in professional sports. From Point Break to Speed (1994) to The Matrix (1999) we've seen Keanu exhibit the ability to handle many guns, yet I still think Gallinari is the better shooter.


3.) Actor/Comedian Tom Green and Denver Broncos quarterback Kyle Orton



First off all, I must admit that I heard this one on the radio this morning as I was waking up. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, what do you think Tom Green is up to these days? The former MTV talk show host turned musician turned actor disappeared from our lives just about as quickly as he came into them. His run of fame was so short that I don't even think he'll get a mention on VH1's I Love the 90's/00's Part 2,3, or 4. I honestly don't think I had heard his name for a solid 4 years until this morning. Speaking of which, is there any doubt that Kyle Orton will be equally irrelevant in 10 years?

I Thrive on Enthusiasm

I'm an idea man; or at least I like to think of myself as a big thinker. Every once in a while I come up with what I deem to be a relatively creative idea. Now where I get this minimal creativity I do not know. Creative types are often very dark and disturbed. They usually suffer from childhood trauma and depend on the psychedelic aspects of drug use to find their artistic paths. I, on the other hand, am unequivocally a left brain dominant thinker. I reason very rationally.

That being said, my creative ideas are usually just mindless observations about the world of sports (like the ones that I'm about to share with you). I hope, and somewhat half believe, that one day I'll think of an idea that is either meaningful, profitable, or both. As Russell Crowe's character John Nash said in A Beautiful Mind (2001), "Find a truly original idea. It is the only way I will ever distinguish myself. It is the only way I will ever matter."

Now this might seem like an unreasonable goal, but to use the example that everyone in the 90's did, "The guy that thought of the Chia Pet (remember these? ) is probably a millionaire." That's all it takes. A dumb idea like that and you're set.

Before I get to my sports related ideas (none of which are profitable), here are a few money making/saving ideas that I marvel at:

Rebates- This is an absolutely brilliant idea. First it draws consumers in because the price of an item is significantly lower (after the rebate) and then capitalizes on their laziness because there's no way that more than 60% of people actually take the time to properly fill out the rebate form and mail it in on time.

Gift cards- Another great idea because it's a perfect and convenient gift, but how many people actually use them? For example, My Uncle has gotten me a gift card to Starbuck's for Christmas for about six years running and I don't think I have ever even stepped foot inside one of their establishments.

Soap bars- It seems insignificant, but how much soap do you think these companies save by carving their logo into every one of the bars that they sell? Let's say that the soap left over from carving out the logo from 10 bars is enough to make another bar. Now I'm no economics major, but the company is then essentially increasing their profits by 10% because they are selling 90% of their product at full price. Does this make sense?

Now on to my sports related ideas:

1.) Kevin Boss, New York Giants TE



You may have heard me say this one before because I have thought about it for a few years now, but why don't the people controlling the music in Giants Stadium blast a Bruce Springsteen song every time Giants tight end Kevin Boss makes a catch? Seriously, think about it. Bruce Springsteen is an American icon whose popularity is at its peak in the state of New Jersey. His nickname is The Boss. Giants Stadium is in New Jersey. Their TE's last name is Boss. Just imagine how crazy the crowd would go if this played after every one of Boss' receptions. Would he not immediately become the fan favorite?

2.) Brian Wilson, San Francisco Giants RP



Sticking with the thought of associating athletes with music. Why doesn't Brian Wilson, the closer for the San Francisco Giants, enter the game to either a Beach Boys song or to "Brian Wilson Said" by The Barednaked Ladies? Now maybe Brian Wilson, the Giants closer, thinks that Brian Wilson, the lead singer of The Beach Boys, is a no talent ass clown, but if I'm him I would not leave the bullpen until I heard "Surfin' in the USA."

As many of you know, entrance music in baseball is something I'm very interested in. This one particularly baffles me because it's rare that pitchers even get entrance music. All batters get to select what song they want played as the step up to the plate, but only closing pitchers get to select what song gets played when they enter the game. If I worked for the San Francisco Giants I'd get Brian Wilson to say, "For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "Kokomo," by the end of the season.


3.) Michael Strahan, former New York Giants DE



The other night someone at work mentioned how former New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan is suddenly everywhere. He's a staple on FOX's football coverage on Sundays, he's doing Subway ads with Jared, and he's getting his own sitcom. After realizing that he really is everywhere my first thought was, "Why isn't he doing commercials for The Gap?" Seriously, if you're an advertising or marketing executive for The Gap how are you not already on the phone with his agent?