March Madness

Seeing that March is almost here I'd say it's time to get ready to fill out some brackets. The NCAA's men's basketball brackets will be unveiled in less than two weeks, so if you want to win your office pool you better get some practice in. That said, last year I constructed a 64 team tournament of Seinfeld characters after my brother sent me an email where someone else did the same (I didn't like what they had, so I did my best to improve upon their idea). Well this year I caught wind of a different 64 team bracket. One of the radio shows where I work (The Herd with Colin Cowherd) is doing a 64 team bracket of rock bands. As they were spitballing ideas for what bands would make the cut, what seed different bands should be, etc. I figured I would just put together a bracket of my own.

Some of their criteria that I will also use:

Only bands from The Beatles on will be considered. Also, solo acts will not be eligible. This means no Elvis, no Michael Jackson, no Billy Joel, and no Bruce Sprinsteen. I also did my best to avoid 2 man bands.

Other factors considered:

Popularity- How well received during your time? How many Top 10 hits did you have? How many of your albums went platinum? Did you cross the threshold and become a pop rock band?
Creativity- Did you bring something new to the table or were you a copy cat band? How influential was your music to future bands? Did your lyrics actually mean something?
Longevity- How long did you stay on top? Or better yet, how long did you remain relevant? How many albums did you release?
Legacy- When the name of your band is said aloud what comes to mind? Does your music stand the test of time? Are you in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Would an average fan of rock music identify 3-5 of your most well known songs?
Intangibles- How many of the rock band stereotypes did your band meet? How many “incidents” did your band encounter? How many band members have died due to excessive drug/alcohol use?

It should also be noted that my own personal biases factored in heavily. This means that I probably left about 10-20 bands out that more than deserved a chance to compete for the title. For that I apologize. I don't consider myself to be any sort of authority on rock and roll music. In fact, I am the complete opposite.

And now for the bracket...

The Shampoo Effect's format isn't exactly conducive for a bracket, so I'll do my best to use visual clues.


The New York City Region (if you're looking at a bracket this region would be on the top left of your page)

(1) The Beatles
(16) Blink-182

(8) Journey
(9) Stone Temple Pilots

(5) Aerosmith
(12) Rage Against the Machine

(4) Green Day
(13) Styx

(6) Lynyrd Skynrd
(11) The Foo Fighters

(3) Metallica
(14) The White Stripes

(7) Genesis
(10) The Cars

(2) The Who
(15) Twisted Sister


Los Angeles Region (bottom left)

(1) U2
(16) Our Lady Peace

(8) Bon Jovi
(9) Earth, Wind, and Fire

(5) Rush
(12) O.A.R.

(4) The Police
(13) Smashing Pumpkins

(6) The Clash
(11) Third Eye Blind

(3) Queen
(14) Duran Duran

(7) Foriegner
(10) The Velvet Undergound

(2) Pink Floyd
(15) The Roots


London Region (top right)

(1) The Rolling Stones
(16) Vampire Weekend

(8) R.E.M.
(9) Black Sabbath

(5) The Doors
(12) Incubus

(4) Red Hot Chili Peppers
(13) Collective Soul

(6) The Grateful Dead
(11) Motley Crue

(3) Nirvana
(14) The B-52’s

(7) Boston
(10) KISS

(2) The Eagles
(15) Quiet Riot


Seattle Region (bottom right)

(1) Led Zeppelin
(16) The Killers

(8) CCR
(9) Judas Priest

(5) The Ramones
(12) Dave Matthews Band

(4) Guns n’ Roses
(13) Weezer

(6) Pearl Jam
(11) Poison

(3) AC/DC
(14) Oasis

(7) Def Leppard
(10) Radiohead

(2) Van Halen
(15) Arcade Fire


So there's the empty bracket. If you want to fill one out, but don't want to be skewed by my picks, then do so now. I'll wait.....


OK, here are my region by region picks, which are then followed by my picks for the Final Four and Finals. Brace yourselves for an abundance of terrible puns. It's what I do.

New York City Region

First Round

(1) The Beatles over (16) Blink-182- Not only is this the most lopsided matchup in the entire tournament, but I was once kicked out of a Blink-182 concert, so fuck them.

(8) Journey over (9) Stone Temple Pilots- As much as I'd like to use the STP abbreviation on my bracket "The Wheels in the Sky" keep turning.

(12) Rage Against The Machine over (5) Aerosmith- The best part about Aerosmith is the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster at Disney World. They're just a little too much of a pop rock band for my liking. "Killing in the Name", "Calm Like a Bomb", and "Guerilla Radio" are much more my style.

(4) Green Day over (13) Styx- Green Day takes a "Dookie" on Styx, even though they have a few very good songs.

(6) Lynyrd Skynyrd over (11) The Foo Fighters- I've been a huge Foo Fighters fan ever since my brother played "My Hero" and "Everlong" in his room every morning before we went to school, but Skynyrd is the total package. A unique sound, band member deaths, and longevity.

(3) Metallica over (14) The White Stripes- The White Stripes backed into the tournament in that they broke up a few weeks ago and the Sandman came for them in the first round.

(10) The Cars over (7) Genesis- Unfortunately for Phil Collins & Company the "Invisible Touch" just isn't enough. Let the "Good Times Roll".

(2) The Who over (15) Twisted Sister- This rout was so out of hand that Twister Sister didn't even come out for the second half, saying, "We're Not Going to Take it" anymore.

Second Round

(1) The Beatles over (8) Journey- These teams are clearly going "Separate Ways", but it's official. You can stop believing.

(4) Green Day over (12) Rage Against The Machine- I own four Green Day albums and only know of about four Rage Against The Machine songs. That said, I'm kicking myself for not including Audioslave in the field of 64.

(6) Lynyrd Skynyrd over (3) Metallica- Who's song is playing at the end of Happy Gilmore? Oh, that's right. It's "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

(2) The Who over (10) The Cars- This is the complete opposite of what The Cars needed.

Regional Semi-Finals

(4) Green Day over (1) The Beatles- The Beatles remind me a lot of a typical Duke team. A lot of really good players (songs), but no superstar (signature song). Also they strike me as more of a pop band than a rock band.

(2) The Who over (6) Lynyrd Skynyrd- "I Can't Explain" it, but The Who are a title contender.

Regional Finals

(2) The Who over (4) Green Day- Hop on board the "Magic Bus" because it's going to the Final Four.


Los Angeles Region

First Round

(1) U2 over (16) Our Lady Peace- OLP can't hang with U2's "Elevation".

(8) Bon Jovi over (9) Earth, Wind, and Fire- Plain and simple, this one's a "Runaway".

(5) Rush over (12) O.A.R- "Slapping Da Bass, Mon."

(4) The Police over (13) Smashing Pumpkins- The Smashing Pumpkins were begging for the red light because everything The Police did in this game was magic.

(6) The Clash over (11) Third Eye Blind- I love me some Third Eye Blind, but they really only had one good album. In essence, they "Fought the Law" and the Law won.

(3) Queen over (14) Duran Duran- Duran Duran may have been "Hungry Like the Wolf", but Queen wanted to break free, and they did.

(7) Def Leppard over (10) The Velvet Underground- Andy Warhol's pals are left in a state of "Hysteria" after Def Leppard gets through with them.

(2) Pink Floyd over (15) The Roots- I gotta give The Roots some love, especially because they jammed out at the whitest school in America during my freshman year of college. Plus they're Jimmy Fallon's house band and that's my favorite late night show going. Unfortunately they ran into "The Wall" in round one.

Second Round

(1) U2 over (8) Bon Jovi- They were "Living On a Prayer", but it wasn't answered.

(5) Rush over (4)The Police- This team just loves the "Limelight".

(3) Queen over (6) The Clash- The Clash are clearly intimidated by Queen's "We Will Rock You".

(7) Def Leppard over (2) Pink Floyd- The "Animal" in Def Leppard got loose leaving Pink Floyd "Comfortably Numb".

Regional Semi-Finals

(1) U2 over (5) Rush- Rush can't quite hang in "The City of Blinding Lights".

(7) Def Leppard over (3) Queen- Queen's quest to sing their own song ("We Are the Champions") after cutting down the nets ends in bitter defeat.

Regional Finals

(1) U2 over (7) Def Leppard- U2 just has too much "Pride" and "Desire" for the British rockers.


London Region

First Round

(1) The Rolling Stones over (16)Vampire Weekend- Vampires or not, they don't have any "Sympathy For The Devil".

(9) Black Sabbath over (8) R.E.M.- No one brings the kind of intensity that Sabbath does. R.E.M. loses more than their religion in this one.

(5) The Doors over (12) Incubus- A real close one, but when push came to shove I had to go with the "Riders on the Storm".

(4) Red Hot Chili Peppers over (13) Collective Soul- RHCP throws Collective Soul (a sneaky talented band) "Under the Bridge".

(11) Motley Crue over (6) The Grateful Dead- Not only can I not name a single Grateful Dead song, but Motley Crue has to be the quintessential rock band out there. Just booze, drugs, and concert "incidents" galore.

(3) Nirvana over (14)The B-52's- Smells like... a rocked lobster. (please tell me someone got that dual reference).

(10) KISS over (7) Boston- "Rock and Roll Band" versus "Rock and Roll All Nite"? I'll take the latter.

(2) The Eagles over (15) Quiet Riot- The title of Quiet Riot's most well known song is literally spelled, "Cum On Feel the Noize." That's almost trying a little too much for intangible points. The Eagles roll.

Second Round

(1) The Rolling Stones over (9) Black Sabbath- Ozzy and the gang cry "Gimme Shelter" as The Stones paint them black.

(4) Red Hot Chili Peppers over (5) The Doors- The Doors can't light their fire and RHCP "Can't Stop" scoring.

(3) Nirvana over (11) Motley Crue- "Dr. Feelgood" needs to prescribe himself some "Lithium".

(2) The Eagles over (10) KISS- KISS just can't handle "Life in the Fast Lane".

Regional Semi-Finals

(1) The Rolling Stones over (4) Red Hot Chili Peppers- The Stones get under the thumb of RHCP and tear away at their "Scar Tissue".

(2) The Eagles over (3) Nirvana- Nirvana comes as they are and The Eagles refuse to "Take it Easy" on them.

Regional Finals

(1) The Rolling Stone over (2) The Eagles- The Eagles "Take it to the Limit", but The Stones abuse them like a "Beast of Burden".


Seattle Region

First Round

(1) Led Zeppelin over (16) The Killers- Listen to the first 5 seconds of "Kashmir" and tell me if The Killers even deserve to be on the same court as Led Zeppelin.

(8) CCR over (9) Judas Priest- Judas Priest has another thing coming because this CCR team is a "Bad Moon Rising".

(5) The Ramones over (12) Dave Matthews Band- I've seen the Dave Matthew Band in concert 5-7 times, but I've been to countless professional baseball games and "Blitzkieg Bop" can be heard almost every single time. The fathers of punk rock roll on.

(4) Guns n' Roses over (13) Weezer- "Welcome to the Jungle" Weezer. Better luck next year.

(6) Pearl Jam over (11) Poison- "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" indeed. Get well soon Brett Michaels, but you're not getting past the "Better Man" Eddie Vedder.

(14) Oasis over (3) AC/DC- As much as it pains me to say, this one has shades of (14) Vermont taking down (3) Syracuse in 2005. Two above average players, Taylor Coppenrath and T.J. Sorrentine ("Wonderwall" and "Champagne Supernova") take down a much more talented team.

(7) Foreigner over (10) Radiohead- "Creep" is a great song (just ask TLC), but it's no "I Want To Know What Love Is".

(2) Van Halen over (15) Arcade Fire- No Van Halen album has ever won a Grammy, but they're in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Talk to me in 20 years Arcade Fire.

Second Round

(1) Led Zeppelin over (8) CCR- CCR makes a valiant run, but they can't quite get over the "Misty Mountain Top".

(4) Guns n' Roses over (5) The Ramones- One of the toughest calls yet, but "Sweet Child o' Mine" is the best song in the matchup.

(6) Pearl Jam over (14 Oasis- The "next Beatles" were essentially a two hit wonder. Pearl Jam rolls on.

(7) Foreigner over (2) Van Halen- I've long said that I'd love to see Van Halen in concert, but while they "Ain't Talking About Love" Foreigner is with "Feels Like the First Time".

Regional Semi-Finals

(4) Guns n' Roses over (1) Led Zeppelin- There's no doubt that Zeppelin has produced more great music and is more talented, but they simply had a "Communication Breakdown" against Axl Rose and the boys.

(7) Foreigner over (6) Pearl Jam- The "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town" isn't stopping these jukebox heroes.

Regional Finals

(4) Guns n' Roses over (7) Foreigner- Everyone's favorite Cinderella was just "Cold as Ice" when it mattered most.


Final Four

(2) The Who over (1) U2)- U2 thought they had a good gameplan, but they just couldn't find what they were looking for.

(1) The Rolling Stones over (4) Guns n' Roses- This team won't be satisfied with any less than a championship.

Finals

(2) The Who over (1) The Rolling Stones- A buddy of mine who strums his guitar more than he...strums his guitar recently told me that "We Won't Get Fooled Again" is the greatest rock song of all time. Couple that with "Baba O'Riley" and "My Generation" and The Who takes the title.

Cue the music...