I’ve never been invited to a rehearsal dinner, but from what I gather they are fun filled affairs complete with speeches, toasts, and the breaking of bread among the families and closest friends of the couple. At the 3 weddings where I was an out of towner I met up with the wedding party at local bars/restaurants and had a great time. Those nights usually involve plenty of introductions and a host like atmosphere for the couple and even though they try to make it seem like it’s just a normal night you can tell that they are a combination of nervous, excited, anxious, and maybe even a little scared.
The ceremony itself is wildly overrated. Other than actually witnessing the couple get pronounced man and wife it’s basically just church. Random people you don’t know do the readings (aunts/uncles of the bride or groom), a priest attempts to craft and deliver a message that will resonate with the crowd, and it’s usually 95 degrees and everyone is sweating. I guess it’s a little fun to pick the bride side or the groom side (I’ve sat bride side twice and groom side three times), but that’s where the fun stops.
Like I said, I’ve never been to a rehearsal dinner, so I hope that you correctly assumed that I’ve never been in a wedding party. Let’s just say that if I ever am I might set a new world record for the fastest walk up the aisle. Obviously it’s not an overwhelmingly stressful spot to be in because no one is there to see you, but for that 15-20 seconds most of the church is looking at you (unless the bridesmaid is a smokehouse). I’m sure I could handle it, but I’d put some money down that I come across as nervous/awkward.
Speaking of putting money down, the only way to get through the mass is to place a few wagers on the proceedings. For starters you can set an over under on how long the ceremony will take. To make it easier you can just start the clock when the bride walks past your pew and end when the couple passes you as they process out. The more interesting bets are on whether or not the bride, groom, and/or parents of the bride or groom will cry at any point during the ceremony. At the most recent wedding I attended we had 5 to 1 odds that the bride would cry and 3 to 1 odds that the groom would cry (because she’s more emotionally stable than him). I took a chance on the bride shedding a tear or two and after we heard conflicting reports we had the best man, who was sitting on the altar with the couple, settle the tie. She didn’t.
The post-wedding situation outside the church is something I don’t particularly enjoy. Maybe it’s because I don’t understand the whole rice or bubbles thing or the fact that I just want to start boozing. I mean, what’s the point of standing around outside the church after the wedding? I get that you can say congratulations to the parents, but aren’t you going to say the same thing at the reception?
The maximum time between the ceremony and the reception should be 90 minutes. No more than that. You don’t need two hours to take pictures. While we’re at the in-between the wedding and reception portion of this incoherent post, why do some women change before going to the reception? Why not just wear the dress that you want to wear to the reception to the wedding? I don’t get it. It’s not like your performing a concert and you want to mix up your wardrobe.
The cocktail hour is where it’s at. An open bar and finger foods. Where do I sign up? In some cases the hors d’oeuvres are better than the chicken, steak, or fish. As fun as the cocktail hour is everyone is really just focused on figuring out what table the bride and groom have placed them at. Maybe it’s my outgoing personality, or maybe it’s that I don’t have many friends, but in 4 of the 5 weddings I’ve been to there have been at least 2 people at my table who I’ve never seen before in my life. I say maybe it’s my outgoing personality because I think of these as “mixer tables” and someone has to get the conversation going.
When everyone is seated it’s time for the wedding party to make their entrance. For the most part these are incredibly weak. The groomsmen and bridesmaids always try to do something funny or creative when they get introduced, but rarely are their dance moves memorable. The most memorable wedding party introduction that I witnessed was the one that I was a part of. I
After the bride and groom enter they usually partake in their first dance. Selecting a quality song here is key and I don’t remember a single one that I’ve witnessed. Obviously the couple selects a song that means something to them, but where have the classics gone? Can we get, “She’s Got a Way” by Billy Joel, “The Way You Look Tonight” by Frank Sinatra, or “Brown-Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison? I was at a wedding in New Jersey a few weeks ago and we thought for sure that we’d hear “Jersey Girl” by Bruce Springsteen, but that ended up being wishful thinking. In fact, the only time I heard a Bruce Springsteen song the entire weekend was in my car.
While hardly anyone will remember the first song, most people will remember bits and pieces of speeches given by the maid of honor (it’s maid, not made, right?) and the best man. Maid of honor speeches usually go one of two ways. If the maid of honor is a sister the speech goes like this, “She’s been dreaming about this day her entire life. In fact, we used to act out this day when we were growing. She made me be her husband, but I’m glad that she found someone like (groom’s name) because he does a much better job than I did.” If the maid of honor is a friend the speech goes like this, “We went to college together and we hated each other. She always looked so pretty in every situation and I was so jealous, so I held it against her. Then we had biology class together and we had to work on a project together. We hit it off and have been best friends ever since. Now today, I’m still jealous of how pretty she looks, but I’m also incredibly happy that she found someone like (groom’s name) to spend her life with.” That’s it. Two versions.
There’s a little more range in the best man speech. Two of my closest friends have given them and have done a remarkable job. One of them even had my parents stand up, as the bride and groom met at my house when my parents were on vacation. Now I’ve never given a best man speech and I don’t envision that I’ll have too many chances to do so, but I think the success of them usually comes down to three things. Length, humor, and heartfelt emotion. You have to keep things short. No one is there to see you. They are there for the couple and they want to eat their dinner and dance the night away. That said, you want to be entertaining, so you have to mix in a few jokes. The jokes obviously have to be tasteful because there are adults everywhere, but there has to be 2-3 lines in the speech that will illicit laughter. Lastly, you have to demonstrate true, genuine emotion toward the groom. You obviously mean a lot to him, so the onus is on you to tell the crowd how great of a person he is.
After that, eat, dance, and get hammered. Not necessarily in that order.
A few more notes (I’m sure I can add to this list):
- Father/daughter dance song suggestion- “Daughter” by Loudon Wainwright
- What do you get the bride and groom? Money. The rule of thumb is that you give them the amount that your plate costs. I usually give $125-$150. Write a short message in the card, so it’s something a little different for the bride when she opens all of the cards.
- I was at a wedding in Denver in January and almost made it the entire weekend without a Tebow reference until the maid of honor somehow slipped it into her speech
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