Work It Out

In June I moved into a house much closer to work with three friends who are anything but underweight. I work with two of them and we get along great, but in the back of my head I knew that living with them could go in one of two ways for me. I would either fall into bad patterns and pack on the pounds or I’d completely reverse course and become much more active. So far, and this is all subject to change, I’ve taken the latter path and although I don’t think the dividends are entirely noticeable the gym and I have become much better acquainted.

This is new for me because I have never been a gym rat. During my senior year of high school I got out of mandatory lifting sessions during football season on Saturday mornings because I took an SAT Prep course (I did the best on my SAT’s when my dad forced me to take them as a sophomore, but that’s neither here nor there). In college I worked at the gym as an intramural supervisor, but I only worked out there 4-5 times tops in my four years.

In my defense I was very active in both high school and college. In high school I played football in the fall, indoor lacrosse in the winter, and lacrosse in the spring. In college I played pick up basketball 4-5 times a week as well as intramural flag football, basketball, softball, etc. A few times I also ran 6-8 miles at a time with a friend who was training for a half-marathon. After college is a completely different story, though. Playing softball in the summer was about the extent of my regular physical activity. It took a while for my high powered metabolism to slow down (I poop a lot), but the pounds slowly started to pile up.

I now go to the gym, which is free and located on our campus (actually what we call it) 6-7 times a week. I keep things simple and just run 2-3 miles per day at a 7 minute pace, shower, and either go to work or head back to my house.

Before I continue I would first like to apologize for even bringing up the fact that I go to the gym. I hate how people boast about how much they work out, especially on Facebook. If I see one more person post something via Nike+ about how quickly they ran 6 miles I’m going to snap. That said, I apologize for sort of doing the exact same thing. I just want to establish some semblance of credibility for the comments/observations that I’m about to make.

My level of awkwardness at the gym is off the charts. For starters, I can’t listen to my ipod because my ear buds always fall out when I run. I’m convinced that this only happens to me. I also need to keep one hand attached to the treadmill for the entirety of my work out. I don’t know if I’m scared of failing off or what, but I physically can’t let go of the handlebar. Maybe I just can’t run at the same speed for more than 30 seconds. Who knows. Sometimes I switch arms, but about 80% of my run involves my right hand gripped to the handle bar.

I hatttee it when someone is running on the treadmill directly next to me. I need my personal space and get very flustered if someone is inches away from me and running. I, and I assume everyone else, always get competitive and feel like I have to either run faster than them or for longer for them.

Occasionally I’ll have to wait for the treadmill’s incline to return to 0.0 before I can start running. Who changes the incline? That’s beyond next level. If you want to run up hill then run outside.

Cleaning the machine is always a little odd to me. How does this cleaning liquid remove all of the sweat/germs so quickly? Something doesn’t add up. I usually spray two paper towels with the cleaner and wipe down everywhere my hands have been and then grab an additional two paper towels to dry everything off. While I’m doing this, drops of sweat invariably fall off my head and land on the track of the treadmill. I don’t wipe those drops off, but if I saw any I certainly wouldn’t run on that treadmill.

Believe it or not, looking at yourself in the mirror is hard not to do at the gym. They’re everywhere. I catch myself doing this at least once a day and always feel insecure about it.

Speaking of looking at people, I now know why there are so many pornographic videos set at the gym. I don’t know why, but every time I’m running and a girl walks in or is working out I can’t stop looking at her. Maybe it’s the testosterone, but even slightly above average looking girls look hot.

Showering at the gym is quite the undertaking. Men above the age of 50 are a little too comfortable walking around naked. Even after I shower I put my underwear on without taking my towel off. I think it’s common courtesy, but what do I know. It’s also a must to wear sandals, right? I don’t know much about feet, but no good can come from walking around those floors. One more thing about the showers before we move on. Are you supposed to go shampoo and then conditioner or vice versa? I assume that it’s shampoo to clean your hair and then conditioner to “condition” it, but I could be way off.

Our locker room is meant to appear like a baseball team’s clubhouse. There are benches and stools around the numbered lockers and a flat screen TV blaring on the wall.


I have a go to locker (#22), but I always go to the spot where there’s the most room. Without fail I’ll get back into the locker room after my run and someone will be using the locker right next to me.

Going directly to work after being at the gym is the worst because no matter how long I dry off I’m always sweating when I put my clothes on and walk out the door. Sometimes I’ll go back to my car and blast the air conditioning for five minutes, but that only moderately improves the situation.

I’m hopeful that I can keep up my gym going ways because I do feel better about myself after I run. I’ve never gotten what they call “runner’s high”, but I’m just happy to not feel like a lazy piece of shit.