Year in Review

2008, like every other year in recent memory, isn't going quietly. Everywhere I look I see lists, countdowns, top 10s, montages, etc. This makes sense because what better time than the end of the year to construct such a compilation? Despite their pervasiveness, I don't mind them at all. I'm under the impression that the majority of Americans thoroughly enjoys these kind of things. You'd be lying if you said you haven't been sucked into watching VH1's Top Songs of the '90s (60-41). I'm not above this phenomenon; however I naturally have to add my own little flair to it. Therefore, I present to you, the best things that happened to me in 2008, by month.

January

The New York Football Giants Superbowl run



First and foremost, I'm well aware that the Giants won the Superbowl in February. As emotionally satisfying as beating the undefeated Patriots was in the Superbowl, would it have been as great without the three road wins in the NFC playoffs that got them there? Well, yeah probably, but for the sake of argument, it would be like fast forwarding right to the 3:19 mark of "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. The Giants went to Tampa and won on January 6th, then went to Dallas and won on January 14, and then went to Green Bay and won on January 21st. The unimaginable ride then continued into February where the Giants took down the PATS in Arizona.

In the week leading up the big game, Giants wide reciever Plaxico Burress predicted that the Giants would win the game 23-17. Upon hearing this, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady scoffed at the notion of his team scoring only 17 points. Well, they only scored 14 (Final score was 17-14). To make things even better, the unsung hero of the game was none other than Syracuse University grad David Tyree. Tyree, who most people forget caught the first touchdown pass, was on the tail end of what is, without question (at least there shouldn't be any), the greatest play in Superbowl history.

February

Watching the Knicks blow a game in the world's most famous arena



In early February of 2008, I went to a Knicks game with my unnamed cousin, his girlfriend, and her roommate. The roommate of my unnamed cousin's girlfriend got us the tickets through her dad. On the way down to the city for the game she called and asked if she could use his credit card for food, drinks, etc and he gave her the go ahead. If that wasn't enough, we walked into Madison Square Garden and they handed us free Knicks t-shirts. Yahtzee.

Now as you should know, the Knicks were having another terrible season under Isiah Thomas and we did not expect them to even hang around with the much more talented Spurs. Much to our surprise, the Knickerbockers played pretty well and were leading by 9 late in the 4th quarter. At this point, it was suggested that we leave in order to make a train back to school, otherwise we'd have to wait an additional hour. Now being a Knick fan, I knew that no lead was safe, but agreed to start heading towards the exits because I did not pay for a thing all night. By the time we got to the walkway (a span of no more than 30 seconds) the Spurs had made two 3-pointers and had cut the lead to only three. With the game tightening, we decided to hang on a little while longer. With 8 seconds to play the Knicks still led by three, but sure enough Michael Finley made a 3-pointer as time expired to send the game into overtime. The Spurs then scored the first seven points of overtime and won the game easily.

A few days later, my unnamed cousin sent an email to the father of his girlfriend's roommate to thank him for the Knicks tickets. He was very formal in his thank you thanks to some wonderful suggestions of rhetoric by yours truly. Hours later he got an email back that said, "STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER"

March

My 22nd birthday


this picture is not from my birthday, nor is it from March

I had a lot of options to choose from in March. Spring Break, St. Patrick's day, and March Madness all would have been worthy choices, but I chose my birthday because a lot of things that happened on Spring Break I am sworn to secrecy never to repeat, I'm only half Irish where as I am 100 percent me, and Syracuse was once again left out of the big dance.

My 22nd birthday was on a Friday and one of my closest friends from home was there to aid in the celebration so we started off at a local bar for happy hour. This was the beginning of a little tradition as we went to the same bar for happy hour most Fridays for the rest of the school year. After happy hour I went to a friend's house and did not get low. On our way back to my house for somewhat of a Spring Break reunion of sorts, we stopped at a liquor store to get a bottle of Level, which was our drink of choice on Spring Break. My buddy searched the store while I stood in the center like a stone(d) statue trying not to break anything. He couldn't find any Level so he asked the store's owner if he had any in stock. He had only one huge bottle that was in a box also containing 4 glasses and he had been trying to get rid of it for a while. It was originally $54 dollars, but he sold it to us for $46. Considering our state of minds and our insistence on getting Level, we probably would have bought it for $146. The only problem was that it was on top of a refrigerator in the corner of the store that I was closest to. Somehow, someway I was able to get the box off of the fridge and onto the counter without breaking anything. I then carried the box into my house like it was the Stanley Cup and we proceeded to polish it off before going out.

April

Winning the Men's A and Co-Ed A Intramural Softball Championships



Intramural softball was the most fun of all the intramurals offered in college. Our men's and co-ed teams ran through the regular seasons and earned the top seed in each of the tournaments. Now of course both teams were stacked with former college baseball and softball players. The men's team survived a first round scare before rolling to the finals. The co-ed team just rolled. On a Sunday late in April, both the co-ed championship and games 1 and 2 of the men's finals (best of three series) were held. The day before the games, Glancy had the presence of mind to suggest that we buy champagne to celebrate our impending victories. Liquor laws in the state of Connecticut prevented us from purchasing those 12 bottles before the games on Sunday.

Despite a desperate ploy by the opposing team to nullify our co-ed offense (they intentionally walked our two best hitters every time they came to the plate), our team, named The Shampoo Effect by the way, cruised to victory. We all shared a bottle of champagne (all of the guys still had to play in the men's games which followed right after) and were awarded with our championship t-shirts.

The men's team, clad in matching uniforms and personalized entrance music, also had no problems. Before each game I would make a CD that including each player's selection of an entrance song as well as songs to play during warmups and inbetween innings. Our female friends would then play the appropriate song for each batter as the game progressed. In case you were wondering, and I know you were, my entrance song was "The Heat is On" by Glenn Frey (think from the 15 to the 25 sec mark). We swept the series and celebrated on the field, each with a bottle of champagne in our hands. In the parking lot afterwards, I took one last swig of my bottle and was promptly written up by a public safety officer (have no fear, I got off without having to pay a fine).

May

My college graduation



All throughout second semester, we were calling this day (May 18th) 'doomsday' because it meant the end of our run as college undergrads. Our lives, as we knew them, would never be the same. We were about to be ripped away from the place that we had called home for the past four years. It never really dawned on me how big of an occasion graduating from college is until I donned the cap and gown myself.

The day itself sucked. We all went out the night before (collllegge) and had to wake up at the crack of dawn to be on campus for 8 a.m. Then we were forced to sit and listen to people we hardly, if ever, came across during our time in college give us advice about 'the real world'. Our speaker was our own university president, who would have given a speech even if we shelled out the big bucks to get someone noteworthy.

Then we all had parties with our friends and family before going out one last time as a class. Lots of people had to move out of their houses the next day so we partied hard. It was fun, but also sad because of everyone leaving the next day.

June

St. Vincent's Golf Tournament



This was the second year in a row that my brothers and I played in our church's golf tournament together. I use the word 'church' loosely because I can't tell you the last time that any of us went there without our parents (Christmas/Easter). Our dad has played in this tournament for years and took it upon himself to sign us up back in '07 because all of us were going to be home for the first time in a while. Like most golf tournaments, it's an excuse for us to knock the little white ball around and throw back some suds. Back in '07 my brothers almost didn't let me shoot anymore because I was so inebriated that my shots were seemingly going backwards. Somehow we still shot -7. We were also yelled at by the club pro because we brought our own beer, which was in violation of the first rule of the course. This year we figured we would do better because we had all gotten better over the year, but we were all miserable and shot only -1.

July

Sandy Island



Let me just first say that July 4th is a very close second. Nothing like drinking PBR's and playing horseshoes on my front lawn with my brothers. It literally looks like we are from Alabama. That being said, every year of my life I have gone to a place called Sandy Island on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire for a week late in July. I wear a wristband on my left wrist as a constant reminder of this beautiful place. It allows me to think about vacation every day of the year. While on my vacation from nothing, I drank brew dads overlooking a lake, played a round of golf, played in a softball game, and spent some time with my extended family.

August

And the Oscar goes to...



August was somewhat of a slow month for me so I took it upon myself to start 'training' for the World Series of Pop Culture, which apparently doesn't take place anymore. At the time I was working for a minor league baseball team, which meant that I worked from about 5-10 every night the team was in town. This left my days open and I tried to make the most of them. I decided to watch every movie that has been nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars in my lifetime. I had seen a bunch, had been meaning to see a lot, and had never heard of some of the others.

An excursion like this forced (not really) me to watch a lot of movies that I would otherwise never have thought to see. I can't call them bad movies because The Academy obviously thought they were one of the five best movies of the year in which they came out. I can't tell you how many Hugh Grant movies I ended up watching. Here are some titles of the kind of movies that I'm talking about. Sense and Sensibility, The Piano, Ghost, Out of Africa, Erin Brokovich, etc. There were movies on the list that I kept putting off because I didn't want to put myself through them. Brokeback Mountain, for example, and Titanic (which actually wasn't terrible).

With the bad also came the good. Of the movies on the list (yes I wrote them all down) that I hadn't seen, these were some of my favorites. Finding Neverland, As Good as It Gets, Four Wedding and a Funeral (a very good Hugh Grant film), Scent of a Woman, etc.

To date I have seen 95 of the 115 movies that have been nominated in my lifetime. Of the 20 that I have not seen, one is from the 00's, nine are from the 90's, and 10 are from the 80's.

September

These are my people



September was the first month of my life that I was working 9-5 in the "real world" and it gave me a better appreciation for the weekends. My memories are naturally a bit vague, but I remember a lot of tailgating, going out, and waking up only to start drinking again (the shampoo effect). September was also the beginning of the football season, which also meant the start of the fantasy football season. As we all know, football is now America's pastime. Baseball has passed the torch because, quite simply, it's past its time.

October

The Shampoo Effect


A few weeks after my friend Mike suggested it, I finally caved and started this blog. This blog has both been a blessing and a curse. For starters, it has given me an outlet to express my strong opinions. Also, I recognize that I am the type of person that needs occasional reassurement from my friends and this blog provides that from time to time. The downside is maintenance. Sometimes I just don't have the time or creative intuition to post anything new and I feel like I am, in some way, letting people down.

November

Powder's Party



Well since I just ruled in favor of my blog over Alumni Weekend at the U, I think it's only fair that I choose a party filled with college friends that happened two weeks later. My buddy Pete had a party at his house in Larchmont, which is right outside NYC, for his 22nd birthday on a Friday. Now Larchmont is a good four hours from my house in Syracuse and as I said earlier, I was working from 9-5. I literally made the decision to go the night before, took off from work 15 minutes early, and I was on my way.

Now Pete is one of a handful of people in the world that I would drive four hours to see if they were hosting a party. I mean somebody's gotta kill the kegs, right? No in all seriousness, it was a good time partying with my college friends that I had seen two weeks prior. The next morning I got back in the car, drove four hours home and partied with my friends from home. All in all, it was a great weekend.

December

Starting my career



After waiting for months, I was finally brought on board by the worldwide leader. It was an awkward time to get officially hired with the holidays and all, but it has been good so far. I was able to go home for Christmas, which was good, but now I am slowly going through Syracuse withdrawl. What makes it tougher is that Syracuse University's men's basketball team is awesome and I wish I could watch them take on the brunt of the Big East live in the Loud House.

Jobs in Sports

A lot of times while watching a sporting event or discussing the world of sports with friends people claim that they can do an equal or better job than a coach, GM, referee, etc. For example, last night a friend of mine said that he could do the job that Yankees GM Brian Cashman has done so far this off season because essentially all Cashman has done is offer the most money to all the top free agents. More often than not this sort of rhetoric is directed at coaches. Everyone thinks that they are a prolific play caller because of their success against the computer in Madden. They get mad when their team doesn't make it on a 3rd and 1 and automatically proclaim themselves a better play caller than the offensive coordinator. Fans get mad at baseball managers for lots of decisions that they think they would be better at making like leaving pitchers in too long.

That being said, there are two jobs in professional sports that I am 100% confident that I could be given the reigns to right now and the subsequent teams and league would not suffer at all.

1.) NFL Replay Official



This might be the easiest job in sports. Only about 2-3 plays get reviewed every game. All you have to do is watch the replay from a number of different angles and decide whether or not the call on the field was accurate. You should literally never be wrong. People think it's a tough job because sometimes it's hard to tell what happened. But if you are unsure at all, you just say that there is no conclusive evidence and stick with the call made on the field. It's essentially a get out of jail free card, but some replay officials get too locked into interpreting what happened (without actually seeing it) just so they can make a decision. Some of the calls this year have been badd and I know that I could do an equal or better job right now.

2.) Boston Celtics Head Coach



Doc Rivers is a joke. In his tenure as the Celtics coach they had gotten progressively worse each year (win total dropped 12 games from year 1 to year 2 and 9 more from year 2 to year 3) until last year's title run. People in Boston were calling for his head because he is not a good coach, but now that they have 3 superstars and won a title, those same fans think he is great. He is irrelevant to their current success. Doc knows more about basketball than I do and because of that the Celtics might win 1 more game a year with him at the helm as opposed to me. Coaching this team is very simple. You don't need to be a doctor to figure it out. Constantly remind them how hard it is to repeat and that they have a bulls eye on their backs. Encourage tough defense. Offensively, get the ball to Garnett in the post, have Rondo drive and dish, have Paul Pierce slash, let Ray Allen shoot threes, and only let Perkins touch the ball if it's an offensive rebound. Oh, and put Scalabrine in when up 20.




These were the only two that I could think of off the top of my head. Any other suggestions? I'm sure there's plenty more.

The Female problem with Fantasy Football

Week 16 in the NFL concludes tonight in Chicago and with that wives and girlfriends everywhere will be rejoicing knowing that it also means the end of the fantasy football season. From mid August to late December men waste countless hours 'managing' their fantasy teams. They look at matchups, filter stats, read what the experts think, try to trade players, and make decisions about who they should play on gameday. I don't mean to undermine the draft, but I feel like I could write an entire blog entry about the preparations and strategies that go into that.

Women, for the life of them, can't figure out this obsession. They don't understand what would possess someone to become so attached to a team that doesn't actually exist. I think their overarching problem hinges on the word 'fantasy'. Their exclusion from this cyber world of fantasy football is a bit troubling for them. In a perfect world, they want all things that have to do with their man and the word 'fantasy' to involve them. When you think about it, it's a shame that we didn't stick with 'rotisserie' because women would not find that nearly as objectionable.

Women see this attachment to fantasy football and deep down wish that the time spent 'managing' a fantasy team's problems was instead devoted to them and their problems. Women are so protective of their men that they see fantasy football as a threat. In essence, men are 'cheating' on their wives and girlfriends with fantasy football. This notion was captured beautifully in the movie Knocked Up, in which Paul Rudd's character was suspected of cheating on his wife, played by Leslie Mann (fun fact- in real life she is married to Judd Apatow and the kids in the movie are theirs). Leslie Mann's character then tracks him down only to find out that he was partaking in a fantasy baseball draft (he got Matsui) and that he sometimes goes to movies by himself.

Now that I have laid out the actual reasons that women dislike fantasy football, I must warn you that no woman in their right mind would ever admit it. If asked their thoughts on fantasy football, women would largely say, "I just think it's dumb and pointless. I don't get why men waste so much time with it," and most of them would truly believe that those were their feelings in regards to it. However, I stand by my Freud like analysis because 1.) I think it's accurate and 2.) I've been trying to get a female to post a comment on this blog for a while and I think this might do the trick. Women's feelings on fantasy football are in accordance with men's feelings about shopping. If asked their thoughts on shopping, men would largely say, "I think it's dumb." (Obviously men are more succinct in their thought process). Just like every little girls dream is to one day be a model or fashion designer, every little boy dreams of one day being the GM or owner of a professional sports franchise.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Plenty of women have come to the dark side and play in fantasy football leagues with their husbands, boyfriends, or co-workers. These women are what we fantasy guys like to call 'keepers'. Although I wish it wasn't true, there are both sides to the coin on this one as well. Some straight men enjoy shopping, doing the dishes, and baking. Case in point...

Top 5 SportsCenter Commercials

First of all, I apologize for the week hiatus, but as many of you know, I have been going through a little bit of a transition in my young career. In order to appease my readers (the five of you that still check this site everyday) I looked at what my buddy Frank in Syracuse has recently written to try to get some sort of material on here. Frank's work has been featured on this blog before; however after reading one of his recent posts, I felt like I could improve upon it. So here are my "Top 5 'This is SportsCenter' commercials."

1.) Rookie Camp


You gotta raise it up

I think what makes this commercial great, aside from Kenny Mayne, is that they picked two of the most arrogant athletes of our generation. For those of you that have forgotten, Keyshawn was the trendsetter to what Stephon Marbury is doing now and if getting paid to stay away from a team and not play doesn't speak enough for his arrogance, I think this might. Kobe's arrogance is a part of his brilliance. Most people associate his arrogance with driving Shaq out of LA and choosing a number that is one digit higher than Michael Jordan's (Kobe wore 24 in highschool. Don't read too much into things). The epitome of his arrogance; however is his relationship, if you could even call it that, with Raja Bell, formerly of the Phoenix Suns. Bell is well known for his defensive prowess and has had some memorable showdowns with Kobe. This video sums it up. Bell, as you should have heard in the video if you click on these links, once called out Kobe's arrogance to which Kobe responded by saying.

"Does he know me? Do I know this guy? I don't know this guy. I might have said one word to this guy. I don't know this kid ... I don't need to know this kid. I don't want to… Maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a kid."

Of course, this commerical now has personal resonance for me because I just completed my own stay in "Rookie Camp."

2.) New Kid



This commerical almost served as a social commentary about highly touted prep basketball players going straight from highschool to the NBA. Every kid in America had dreams of being a SportsCenter anchor and "The Kid" was a pretty accurate representation of what would happen if someone that young was given such an opportunity. I mean, let's be honest, Jimmy Key was riding out his career worse than Julio Franco.

3.) American Cheese


Yeah that's right

For those of you that read Frank's post, and I'll assume that's none of you, he got this one right. Not only do I always request American cheese, but I even ask to get my French Toast Americanized because we don't throw in the white towel like those scrumpet eating Frogs. As embarassing as it is to be a Frenchie, imagine being from a place that used to be a French colony. Canada's only saving grace is the wonderful franchise that is the Toronto Bluejays. Our neighbors to the north do nothing of global relevance and that's not the only thing we blame them for.

4.) Parking Spot



Anyone that's listened to Scott Van Pelt knows that parking at ESPN is very difficult. This commercial is perhaps the most creative of the 'This is Sportscenter' brand. Although Danica has a legititmate gripe in the commercial because of her name, she, as a woman, shouldn't be driving in the first place. Which reminds me of this classic test question.



5.) Captain America



This commericial blends two of the things that I hold near and dear to my heart; Syracuse University's 2003 NCAA Men's National Championship and America. I loved the fact that Carmelo was a captain on Team USA. Along the same lines, The Sports Edge guys once debated which superheroes they would have in their starting five of a basketball team. The only unanimous decision was that Captain America would be the player/coach.

My superhero starting five was
PG- The Flash
SG- Captain America
SF- Superman
PF- The Hulk
C- Mr. Fantastic (of the Fantastic Four that can stretch his body into incredible lengths)

Long John

John Daly is overweight, has a drinking problem, has a bad temper, makes poor decisions, and lacks the focus and determination to maximize his extraordinary talent as a golfer (He did win the PGA championship in 1991). That's what the media has to say. Because Daly is a 42-year-old man. They are required to look at him as a waste of talent because that is their job.



It should come as no surprise then to learn that Daly is somewhat of a cult legend among college males. Think about it. Sure he's fat, but he likes to party, has an alcohol problem, a gambling problem, chain smokes, doesn't take shit from anybody, makes awful decisions that are hilarious, and oh by the way- he's an awesome golfer. He is what every college male aspires to be.

To take that thought one step further. He crushes the ball of the tee, his on course antics are frowned upon by the tour, and he loves boobs. He is the real life version of Happy Gilmore (the one that knows how to putt).



In case you missed it, Daly got so drunk at a Hooters in Winston-Salem, that he passed out on the ground outside. Paramedics showed up and Daly refused to go to the hospital. In fact he was pissed that the paramedics were even called.

"The bus driver called 911 because my eyes were open,'' Daly said. "I said, 'What's going on?' He said, 'We thought you were dead.' Anybody who knows me ... when I'm tired, I sleep with my eyes open. They know it takes awhile to wake me up.''

Let me just say that seeing someone asleep with their eyes open is freaky. Throw in that he's hammered and fat, and I'm probably calling the paramedics too.

To quote my buddy Zanz (who said it about Daryl Strawberry), "This man can do no wrong in my eyes. And he's done a lot of wrong in his life."

He is literally like a trainwreck. I want to look away, but I just can't.


No shirt, No shoes, and somebody is going to service him

Whenever I'm hitting my driver off the tee in golf I use a tall tee. Never did I think about using a tall boy.




Thanks to John in Ossining, NY for the creative influence.

What? Do you hate America?

In case you haven't heard, one of America's greatest athletes just pulled a Benedict Arnold. Let me first say that I am in no way just another A-Rod basher. I have always been a staunch supporter of the man that I consider to be one of, if not the, most talented right handed hitters of all time (I'd rather have Manny in the clutch, wouldn't you?). Sure people might write him off because he played in the 'steroids era', which also included tightly wound baseballs and smaller parks, but I would argue that it is now harder than ever to be a consistent dominant offensive player. Think about it. Pitchers are now more skilled, scouting (how to get hitters out) is as good as it's ever been, and don't think for a second that these pitchers were free from the abuse of steroids. Even before the whole Brian McNamee situation, all the telltale signs were there with Clemens. He dominated in his 20s and early 30s, fell off (as it usually happens with age), but then 're-gained' his dominance. In the offseason he would juice beyond belief, then wait until mid way through the year to pick a team to join (aka wait until the steroids got out of his system). But, back to A-Rod. Not only is he a force to be reckoned with at the plate, but he is also a fantastic fielder. To put things in perspective, Jeter only won a gold glove (which he should never have won) when A-Rod moved to 3rd base and Omar Vizquel moved to the National League.



Having said that I have not always agreed with A-Rod's personal choices. For example, he connived his way out of Texas, he essentially stole the spotlight away from the Red Sox by opting out of his contract during the 7th inning of game 4 of the '07 World Series (the deciding game in the series), and how could I agree with his choice to start railing Madonna over his much hotter wife? Through all of his annoying politically correct interviews, his bush league slapping during game 6 of the '04 ALCS, and his absolute stupidity of bringing the stripper through the front door of the hotel in Toronto (everyone knows for safety reasons you take strippers through the back door- heyyyo), I have respected his talent and still liked him as a player. I was an A-Rod fan, even though he sold his soul to the devil to play for the Yankees, who I hate more than any other team or organization this side of the NAACP. I thought that the evil empire, the 'harsh New York media', and the majority of the Yankee fan base were treating him unfairly. A-Rod getting booed by Yankee fans during his so-called down year ('06) of .290/35/121 was the equivalent of draft dodging hippies booing veterans returning from Vietnam. I had A-Rod's back. I wasted countless hours arguing with unruly Yankee fans about his brilliance. That was until now. This decision of A-Rod's is fit only for Judas Iscariot (Yeah I know Judas' last name. I went to Catholic school all my life).




A-Rod crossed the one boundary that is unforgivable in my evaluation as a fan and that is disrespecting America. He flirted with the idea of playing for the Dominican Republic before the first World Baseball Classic because that is where his family was originally from, but decided on wearing the stars and stripes because, well how should I put this? 1.) We are the greatest country in the world and 2.) He was born in New York City! Evidently in just two years he has forgotten who gave him a chance at a life of freedom and prosperity. A-Rod has forgotten who lets him earn 27.5 million dollars a year and affords him the opportunity to go sneak into Maddonna's town house for a little late night action. A-Rod can pretty much thank his entire life to good ole Uncle Sam yet he turns his back when America needs him to help reclaim our national pastime. Instead he chooses to go dance around with Jose Reyes, yell with Miguel Tejada, and hug David Ortiz (maybe he is jealous of his lumber?). His absurd amount of talent and ability had been blinding me of what a piece of shit he really is, but this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Someone needs to sit him down and force him to watch the HBO sports documentary "Do You Believe In Miracles". If he doesn't immediately tear up and change his mind then the Yankees (a nickname that is as American as apple pie) should send him down to the Dominican Republic for good. If he feels any sort of national pride for them, and clearly he does, then he should be forced to play in whatever Dominican Baseball league there is. And then once the likes of Madonna, Nike endorsements, and personal nutritionists don't follow him down there he will come back crying, regretting the day he crossed Uncle Sam.




This rant was written by John in Chicago, a friend of the blog and a true red blooded American, and it was edited by yours truly (I think you'll notice many of my edits).

The three chicks I'd marry tomorrow

How many times have you been watching a movie and just completely fallen for one of the characters? Please don't act like you are free from this affliction. Female movie characters are so idealized because in more cases than not, only the best aspects of their personalities are portrayed. Most of us guys know that deep down, every woman has a crazy, psychotic bitch in them that usually comes out (well aside from the obvious once a month) right before a big trip, whenever cleaning is involved, and when you least expect it. The female movie characters that we fall in love with are not real because, well for starters, they are all gorgeous Hollywood celebrities. Women this attractive and this cool cease to exist in the real world, but somehow, because of how they are presented in movies, we still have hope that they do.

Which brings us to the top 3 female movie characters that I have fallen head over heels for. No real surprise here, but two of them are from bonafide chick flicks.

1.) Andie Anderson (played by Kate Hudson) in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)



I mean, if that dress doesn't say it all, then I don't know what does. Normally guys aren't overly impressed by a dress because if a girl is good looking then she's usually going to look good in a dress. The first time I saw this movie (yes that implies that I've seen it more than once) I was completely blown away. Andie Anderson is the total package, which of course means that she could get my entire package all day every day. Obviously I dig that she's a writer, goes to Knick's games, and did I mention that she's a smokeshow? She's so hot that she does all of these annoying things throughout the movie and it doesn't even matter. She's so hot that she made a guy's name hot.

I do have one gripe, but it's not with Andie, or the movie for that matter. It's just that in the movie they sing their own version of the song "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon. Now the lyrics, "You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you. Don't you? You're so vain," are repeated throughout the song. Everytime I hear the song, I want to say- Hey Carly, by addressing this unnamed man as 'You', you have made the song about him, yet somehow you are calling him vain for thinking (accurately mind you) that... it is about him.

2.) Claire Cleary (played by Rachel McAdams) in Wedding Crashers (2005)



Now this movie is most known for its humor and everytime I watch it I pick up on yet another line that your average college aged kid uses in regular conversation. It's literally a gold mine. While the humor was the initial draw, everytime that I have seen it since, I have been all about the love. It's sweet, sappy, and corny (ironically all words I could use to describe poop), but this scene gets me every time.



Claire is literally everything a guy could want. She's quick on her feet, funny, pretty (phenomenal smile), smart, has Christopher Walken as her father, and loves to play the slaps game. Girls, please take notice that she is rather pale- yet still widely adored. You don't have to tan 8 times a week to impress men.

3.) April Hoffman (played by Isla Fisher) in Definitely, Maybe (2008)



Yes, she's the girl that Vince Vaughn marries in Wedding Crashers, but in this movie she plays one of Ryan Reynolds' love interests. Because I'll assume that most of you haven't seen it, here's the trailer (no way I would ever embed that) . I saw it with my sisters on Thanksgiving. It has chick flick written all over it. It even has a textbook chick flick title. It fits in perfectly with Love Actually, Serendipity, and P.S. I Love You. But in my defense, everything is closed on Thanksgiving and I think Ryan Reynolds is hysterical. Speaking of Ryan Reynolds, here is a bonus chick from a movie that I'm in love with. Tara Reid in Van Wilder.



Okay, so now that my heterosexuality is semi-restored, back to April. She's a smoking hot red head that plays a girl that pretends to be bad ass, but deep down is a complete softy. I think I might actually be more into the actress herself because in every movie I have seen she has spoken without her natural voice. She was raised in Australia and has an English accent and pretty much any accent is hot.

If I had to pick one of the three, I think I'd have to go with Claire (McAdams).



I don't know what's going on with me lately. I'm writing about Ben Affleck and chick flicks. Somebody better send me an article about red meat and beer pronto.

Affleckted (I know it's terrible)

Even though the media and all of these so-called critics bag on him for being a terrible actor, I'll be honest with you, I'm a Ben Affleck fan.



Here are the three reasons that I am a fan

1.) He's a hunk

Sure he's suffered through some tough times, but in true college dude form he essentially puked and rallied his way through it. After splitting with that lucious Latina, Affleck was brilliant in choosing his next fiance (this one would actually go on to marry him and bear his child) in that he was able to successfully dodge any sort of media scrutiny (which of course was the downfall of his relationship with J Lo) by employing the old Double Jeopardy tactic. As you all should know, the paparazzi had dubbed he and Jennifer Lopez 'Bennifer'. By hooking up with another Hollywood Celebrity named Jennifer (Garner), Affleck assured himself much less media coverage because (to finish the metaphor) he had already been convicted of that crime. I'm sure it also helped that Garner is one of those lovable women that has the "it" factor. The unexplainable girl next door/something about her/marriage material quality.

2.) He has a little bit of talent

Despite all the media criticism (everyone knows Matt Damon is the better actor, Ben's over it), Affleck has still managed to have a very good Hollywood career. Obviously we all know who Ben is because of the 1997 classic Good Will Hunting that he and Damon co-wrote and starred in. Affleck actually has the best line of the entire movie (starts at the 2:15 mark), although some would argue that this line is better. A few of his other career highlights include playing the badass Fred O'Bannion in Dazed and Confused, showing his romantic side in Armageddon, delivering what I thought was a very good performance in an underrated movie in Paycheck (his next film after the disaster that was Gigli), and who can forget this scene from Boiler Room.



"Ear to ear, baby"

Not to mention that one of my favorite movies Gone Baby Gone was his directorial debut. I swear you could teach an entire Ethics course based solely on that movie. I was sold on it before I even saw it because the book was written by the same guy that wrote Mystic River, Dennis Lehane.

3.) He's funny

Surprisingly, Affleck is has a knack for being hysterical. Just a few weeks ago, Affleck delivered a pretty good impersonation of former Sportscenter anchor and current MSNBC bleeding heart liberal host Keith Olbermann. That clip is a little long, but if you've ever watched a minute of Countdown you will appreciate it. This impersonation is actually more spot on. You might also remember that Affleck teamed up with Jimmy Kimmel in one of the best retorts of all time.



How either one of them was able to keep a straight face, I will never know.

Free Dr. P

Don't forget that tomorrow is that day that you can sign up to get a coupon to redeem a free 20 oz. Dr.Pepper because of the release of the new Guns 'N Roses album Chinese Democracy.

Check out this Dr. P related blurb from Esquire earlier this month.

Now for all of you lazy people out there, here is what is written in that article.

This special formulation of Dr. Pepper is made from imperial cane sugar. And you can only get it within a 44-mile radius of Dublin, Texas. It's hard to espouse tradition without sounding like Wilford Brimley grunting the virtues of oatmeal, but old pop is better than new pop, and that's just facts. In the 1970s and 1980s, when the price of sugar began to rise, most bottlers switched over to high-fructose corn syrup--except the Dr. Pepper bottling plant in Dublin, Texas, the only DP plant never to have used anything but Imperial pure can sugar to sweeten its unique brand of black gold. It's like drinking nature's perfect candy, plus fizz. The hitch is, it's available only within a 44-mile radius of Dublin. While it probably isn't worth the drive to west Texas to taste it--a ranch filled with crazy pussy probably isn't worth the drive to west Texas--if you're passing through Comanche, Desdemona, or Fairy, make sure you stop for a cold bottle of the last best pop in America.


First of all, I think I'm going to go ahead and add imbibing about fifteen of them Dr. Peppers to my lifelong to do list. Secondly, a ranch filled with crazy pussy is definitely worth the drive to west Texas. Hell, my friends and I almost drove 3 plus hours to New Jersey on a whim because none of us had ever been to a Sonic. Not only does their food look great, but I'd even give them my business because of their outstanding advertising.



Let me just clear one thing up. There is no denying that they have great commercials and in that sense their advertising is outstanding, but the fact that these commercials run in areas that are nowhere near their restaurants detracts a little from their overall advertising scheme.

Don't forget to request your free Dr. Pepper.

Gaydar

Last Friday one of my good friends from college celebrated his 6th year anniversary with his girlfriend and if that doesn't scream cover up, I don't know what does. Seriously? Six years? I don't have a clue as to what any female I spoke with six years ago is currently doing.

Just imagine the changes that you have gone through in the past 2191 days. Think about all the people that you've hooked up with in that span. I'm pretty sure that my friend and his girlfriend have never even fought in all this time. Now of course I've met this girlfriend many times and she's an absolute sweetheart and my friend is one of the nicest kids going to, but it's not humanly possible to not fight with someone for six whole years. This fact got me thinking, and once I thought about it long enough, the evidence began to snowball.

Try this on for size. He's 5'10 and 160 pounds soaking wet. He is extremely neat and organized. He gets along with every female he's ever come in contact with. He dresses like a metro sexual. He's the lead singer of a pop rock band. He revels in getting naked in front of other men. On Spring Break he brought a gay man back to our condo. And he's quick to have (I wish I was kidding) small dick contests with other guys.

Here is the music video for one of his band's songs. Remember that he is the lead singer. (The text in the middle of the screen for the first minute might be the only thing gayer than him)



Now in the video you may have noticed him with this Colombian man, who I suspect was one of his many lovers.



This helps validate one of my many long held beliefs about gay people. Now I'm not sure about the percentages and it probably isn't even close to 50%, but doesn't it seem like there is an extraordinary amount of interracial gay couples? Most of these being between a white male and a Hispanic male. I'm not really sure where this belief is grounded, but here's two examples from the world of popular culture to help my case.

Cedric and Bob





Tom Hanks and Antonio Banderas in Philadelphia (It's a Denzel movie, get off me)



So what do you think? Is he gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Secret Agent Man

This next post was actually written by my friend Frank, who writes movie reviews for The Post Standard and is the co-host of an AM radio show. If you have just one conversation with Frank you would think that he was a 42 year old man because of his receding hair line and knowledge of 1980's television shows. In fact, Frank was going to be a member of my 2009 World Series of Pop Culture team, but VH1 decided against a Season 3. They instead chose to focus on 'I love the 80's- Part Trey'. Without further ado, here is Frank's take on Daniel Craig's portrayal of James Bond.

Why Women Love The NEW James Bond

James Bond has always been a man's ideal of cool, and badassery. Since the days of Sean Connery, Bond has been a character adored by men everywhere. However, since Daniel Craig has taken the Bond helm, the tide is beginning to turn towards James Bond's biggest supporters being females.

In the past, Bond was never much for the ladies because he's chauvinistic, his Bond girls had names like Pussy Galore and Dr. Holly Goodhead (seriously, Dr. Holly Goodhead!), his films are usually filled with explosions and lame plot points that go no where, so much so that Mike Myers made three Austin Powers films making fun of it. However, now for some reason women love the NEW Daniel Craig James Bond.

So, here is a list of the 7 reasons that the NEW James Bond gets the ladies going.

However, lets start the list in proper Bond fashion



1.) He Has Emotions


Consoling a woman in a shower with a suit on is both emotional and bad ass.

The new Bond film is named Quantum of Solace, which breaks down the word Quantum which means "a large quantity; bulk" (plus word plays with the organization QUANTUM that Bond fights in the film), and Solace which means "comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness." So basically, James Bond needs a large amount of comfort. Wait, that can't be right? James Bond needs feelings? Yup, Daniel Craig and the creators of the NEW Bond have created realistic emotions for a character that was always thought to be a one sided cliche (Thank you very much, Christopher Nolan for starting that trend).

Women love the NEW Bond because he's no longer a robotic character but rather a real guy, who feels pain, and can have emotions over the women he loves (and boy does he 'love' a lot of them). The NEW James Bond's biggest problem isn't some bad guy with a laser trying to take over the world, but rather that he has too many emotions.

2.) He's a BAMF


Have you ever beaten someone up in black and white? No? Well that's why you're not badass!

"It'd be a pretty cold bastard who didn't want revenge for the death of someone he loved" - M.

Bond's boss, M, states the exact nature of the NEW James Bond and it's that he's one cold bastard. I mean he's just overflowing with BAD ASS, so much in fact that many of the negative reviews for Quantum of Solace are that this Bond isn't as much 'fun' as he was in the past. I mean Bond is still Bond, and still has the British wit about him, but Craig has turned the guy into a vicious killing machine. I mean just watch the opening of Casino Royale (Craig's first Bond film). Women love it because he's just so damn animalistic. I mean not only does he kill someone before they finish a sentence, but he kills someone else in a bathroom in the dirtiest, grittiest way possible! Somewhere women are licking their chops, while Roger Moore (the Bizarro Daniel Craig Bond) is frightened for his life.

3.) A Woman Runs His Life


Yes, MOTHER!

Okay, I know what you're going to say, "But Judi Dench started playing M in Goldeneye with Pierce Brosnan!" That's true, Judi Dench started playing M, Bond's boss, and runner of MI6 in Goldeneye with Brosnan, but the difference is that Brosnan's Bond was playful with Dench's M. They would bicker between each other, nothing of any substance. However, Craig's Bond and Dench's M argue big time almost to the point of where it's a turn on for women everywhere. Bond doesn't listen to anyone, follows no one's rules but his own, but when it comes to the one person he actually listens to, it's a woman! However, he doesn't just lay down and be a door mat for M (That's what wusses do), but rather he always battles her tooth and nail to where Bond and M reach an agreement. Craig's Bond is so damn attractive to females because not only does he fight for what he wants with women, but ultimately lets them win.

4.) This Picture


This one's for you, every girl I know.

Do I really even have to explain why this one is loved by women? Moving on.
(Also as a guy, let me say, put some damn pants on, Daniel Craig).

5.) How He Wears Suits


Bond suit up!

Everybody knows that a man isn't really a man unless he can wear a nice suit (Just ask another man's man, Barney Stinson). Now, Bond has always looked great in assorted suits, but NEW James Bond just makes suits look so much more awesome. That's quite a feat, considering that he did so wearing a suit for pretty much the whole duration of Casino Royale. New James Bond can wear a suit when fighting in the bathroom, gets blood on his suit, suits with bowties, suits with long ties, black suits, blue suits, bathing suits, the list goes on and on. I'm not saying that Craig is the best to ever wear a Bond suit, that will always go to Sean Connery, but he wears them with the best of them. As Vesper Lynd says in Casino Royale: "There are dinner jackets and dinner jackets; this is the latter. And I need you looking like a man who belongs at that table." In that statement Vesper speaks for the whole female gender when it comes to a man in a good looking suit.

6.) He's Not Interested


Does it look like he gives a damn?

NEW James Bond: "Vodka Martini"
Bartender: "Shaken or stirred?"
NEW James Bond: "Does it look like I give a damn?"

Seriously, does it look like he gives a damn? I mean James Bond used to care about trivial things like how his drinks were made and the women he went after, but no longer (That's not to say, that he doesn't get his drinks the way he wants them or doesn't get the women he goes after. He's still James Bond). NEW James Bond has bigger issues to worry about then if his Bond girl likes him, or if his drink is properly made. With the new realistic emotions brought to NEW James Bond, he doesn't quite have time to worry about things that used to be big concerns. He's not interested in anything other than his duty and job, but that uninterest in anything that isn't his goal is just so damn attractive to females. I mean lets be serious, is there anything more attractive to a female than a guy who isn't interested or just doesn't seem to care? NEW James Bond doesn't really care if you like him or not, he's James Bond, and it's that fact that makes him so irresistible to women everywhere.

7.) He Constantly Looks Beaten To All Hell


Blood, black eyes, and dirty Bond. I think a female just collapsed.

One reaction I got from female after female who went to see Quantum of Solace is that after the film they felt as if they were "used," "sexed up," and "hot and bothered" about it. Jeez, they should have called it Quantum of SEX instead. These females I've spoken with have felt this way because NEW James Bond is always in a constant state of looking like he's been beaten to all hell. He's no longer the pristine Bond that somehow out runs machines guns, fights with guys twice his size, and explosions without breaking a sweat, but rather has his scars fully on display. Chicks dig two things: The Long Ball, and scars. Having Bond run from place to place getting his ass kicked makes him so much cooler and sexy as hell to females across the Nation. Even the way he gets tortured has become so gritty that it's basically erotica for females now.

Deep Thoughts with Mad Max

Do homosexual males enjoy the process of excretion?

When my friend Max first posed that question to me I was unsure of the appropriate answer. Gay men (the bottoms anyway) find pleasure in getting long conical shaped objects lodged in their rectal cavities. Wouldn't it seem plausible then to assume that they enjoy your average, everyday Webster's Dictionary style logs of poop sliding through their fudge factories? If that is the case, and again I am not sure that it is, would they then prairie dog those brown bananas to recreate the sexual thrusting experience?

While the physical evidence seems to be steaming like an avalanche, there remains the dark side of dumping that we don't like to talk about. The painful poops, the different colors of chocolate, the monsoon mashes, and the rest. There is no way that any male, no matter if he regularly takes a rod up his tail pipe or not, can liken poop to sexual pleasure. But who am I to decide?

Double Take

My twin sisters turn 21 today and in honor of them I present to you the very first installment of Double Take, in which we examine the striking resemblances in the world of popular culture.

Our inaugural Double Take features Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen and Sum 41 lead singer Deryck Whibley.





First we have Clausen, the Prince of the yah dudes,who was born into a football factory of a family in Thousand Oaks, California. His two older brothers, Casey and Rick, each started at quarterback for the University of Tennessee, but neither was nearly as touted as Jimmy. Clausen, who was featured on a Sportscenter special as a Sophomore, was perhaps the most hyped high school football player of all time (Although it can be argued that the #1 player each year surpasses the previous years #1 in hype. Ex- Terrelle Pryor). Clausen was expected to return the Fighting Irish to national prominence and before he even stepped onto campus, he was being heralded as their savior. The golden domers were quick to point out his initials JC as evidence of his pending immortality, at least in Irish folk lore.

Since his arrival in South Bend, the Irish have floundered through a year and a half of mediocre football. It appears that Clausen spends more time at the beach ripping shredders on his surf board, participating in drinking competitions, and gelling his hair than he does in the film room, in the weight room, and on the practice field.

Clausen's long lost twin Whibley is perhaps most known for marrying fellow Canadian rocker Avril Lavigne (apparently their first song as bride and groom was Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls- why that's relevant I don't know), but he also had a brief pop career of his own as the lead guitarist/vocalist of the band Sum 41. Sum 41's most popular song was titled Fat Lip off of their 2001 album All Killer No Filler.

That song particularly resonates with me because it was featured in the EA Sports video game NHL 2002. That game and that game alone is the basis of all of my limited hockey knowledge (Most of you know that I'm not exactly the best ice skater out there). The best part of the game was the breakaway cam. Whenever you had a long one on one with the goalie, your controller started vibrating, a heart beat noise began pumping out of the speakers, and the screen blacked out almost everything but you and your path to the goalie. Needless to say that I nearly pissed myself every time that camera feature came on and shot the puck about 80 rows up in the stands.



Now I am a Notre Dame football fan, but I find it a little troubling that I can absolutely picture Clausen doing exactly what Whibley does in that video. All I'm saying is don't be surprised to see Jimmy whip out his surf board the next time the Notre Dame faithful start doing the wave.



Thanks to RJ in Liverpool, NY for making the observation.

Team America

Now that this historic election is over, let me express my congratulations to our 43 and 3/5 president Barack Obama. To all of those that thought racism was rooted in the Deep South, may I present to you the Three-fifths compromise.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-fifths_compromise

This legislation was one of the cornerstones of our great nation. Our founding fathers sat across the table from one another and argued about the value of slaves. The fact that they compromised on three-fifths is incredible because it means that men from the North argued that the value of slaves should be less. (i.e. 1/5 or 0) I can not believe that this compromise is taught in schools all across America and we wonder where this ingrained sense of racism comes from?

In regards to the election, I thought it was remarkable how much the race issue was downplayed throughout and I think Obama deserves a lot of credit for that. African-Americans obviously embraced him, but he did not take on that rah rah black man label. He stayed true to his message for all Americans and it paid off in the end. Of course now that the election is over, I have to hear every black man in the country's thoughts on this landmark occasion. Everyone from Donovan McNabb ('Cuse guy, gotta love him) to Carl Winslow to Michael Irvin have shared their thoughts. Surprisingly Irvin actually made a good point. He said that the election of a black man as the next president of the United States resonated with him because the last time he saw his people (his words, not mine) celebrate like this was after the OJ Simpson verdict. He was bothered by that because he said, "Why are we celebrating? Two people are dead." Dare I say that it was more monumental that a crack fiend like Michael Irvin made a good point than Obama getting elected?

While Obama's race is getting a lot of coverage now, it is the amateur puns involving his first name that are infuriating me. If I had seen one more person's facebook status pre or post election that said something like "Barack the vote" or "This country is headed for the Barack bottom" I was going to snap. People expressing their political views on facebook is laughable. To all those people that said they are moving to Canada. Good. If we want to get out of America, then get the fuck out. Put your money where your mouth is. Don't make an immature comment like that because of who our next president is. Your daily life would not be drastically altered no matter who was in office. Shut up and grow up.

Politics aside, here's why you have to like Obama. When asked the one thing he would change in sports during halftime of the Monday Night Football game he said that it's time for a playoff in college football. A perfect, timely answer that many football fans can relate to. Mccain, on the other hand, talked about getting performance enhancing drugs out of sports. That answer would have been good in 2004 and it was just too politically motivated for me. Also, on election day, Obama was so calm, cool, and composed that he played pickup basketball with some friends (apparently it's an election day tradition). I don't care if you dislike Obama's views and policies, you have to like that. And no matter what, we are still the greatest country in the world.

State of the Franchise

I just wasted a solid 2 and a half hours of my life watching the New York Knicks lose at home to the Milwaukee Bucks. After winning their home opener against the dreadful Miami Heat, the Knicks have now lost two in a row and have fallen below the .500 mark, where they will likely remain for the rest of the season. The Knicks problems have been well documented, but the new season as well as a new coach, brought a quasi sense of optimism to the fan base. No one expected things to be turned around overnight, but the same problems that have plagued the Knicks over the last few years have been stealing the headlines recently and it seems like they just won't go away.

Isaiah Thomas- The former coach and VP of basketball operations was recently taken to the hospital because he took a sleeping pill for every Knick loss that he was responsible for. Then in classic Isaiah fashion, he tried to pin the blame on his 17 year old daughter. It was with that same class that he ran the Knicks franchise. He over paid mightily to bring in pure thugs (Stephon Marbury, Eddy Curry, and Steve Francis) and thought that he could coach them. With that thought I will move on for fear of ranting for hours on end about the mistakes that Isaiah has made in his tenure.

Stephon Marbury- The Coney Island product has been an utter disappointment since he arrived in New York. He is very gifted, but he is not a winner. You know that someone is a problem when they get a tattoo on their head. Now I've had a longstanding belief that a neck tattoo is a clear indication of thug status (Steph obviously has that covered too), but inking up your head is taking it to a whole other level.



Once you pull the trigger on a face/head tattoo you really have to stop and reevaluate your life. The only other people that I know that have gone this route are Mike Tyson, The Game, and every one that has documented their murderous past with a teardrop underneath their eye. Is that really the company that you want to associated with?

Eddy Curry- This tub of lard is a waste of a lot of space and talent. I will admit that he is gifted offensively, but every other aspect of his game is miserable. This story is a microcosm of the Eddy Curry era in New York. http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/10/eddy_currys_season_starts_off.html. I gotta be honest here. I'm thrilled that Mike D' Antoni is the new coach after a comment like that. Now I'm not a physics professor by any means, but you have to be one giant steaming pile of cow dung to cause an excercise ball to explode.

The absence of Patrick Ewing- Ever since the man, the myth, the legend (we'll get into why in a minute) Patrick Ewing retired, the Knicks have been a disaster. Now they never won a championship when he was there, but at least they were competitive, and more importantly, intimidating. Back when Ewing first joined the Knicks NBA players were still donning the short shorts. The problem was that Ewing's tree trunk sized schlong was so long that it would hang out of his shorts and aggressively flop when he ran up and down the court. This forced Ewing to tape his Grand Daddy D to his thigh before each game. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=patrick%20ewing (I know there is a more legitimate source out there, but I couldn't find it because Ewing's dong was obstructing my line of sight all the way from Orlando- where he is an assistant coach) Now to regain this intimidation factor, the Knicks wisely traded for Ewing's son Patrick Ewing Jr., but right before the season they inexplicably cut him loose.

Just what the doctor ordered

Tomorrow is Halloween and for the first time in my life I will be dipping back into the well of former costume choices. Two years ago I was at a loss for ideas and my creativity was running on empty. It was the Saturday before Halloween and there was a few parties that we planned on going to so a roommate and I went to the Salvation Army to look for any sort of idea that we could muster. We came up with nothing significant there so we went to the mall, which of course was packed with every 6 year old in the county. We had some near impulse buys, but came away from the costume store empty handed. At this point it was about 2 hours into the search and my roommate suggested that we just go to Spencer's and get a bunch of stupid stuff. I of course asked, "But what will we do when someone asks what we are? His response was, "We'll just say, "I'm having a good time. Great party." So that's what we did. We both got hats, I had an enormous link chain and a skull staff. He had a scarf, a necklace of mini penises, and we were both wearing clothes we got at the Salvation Army. Some people kept asking, but we just never gave in. Some people thought that we had to be something and they just didn't know what it was and were too embarrassed to ask. And some people absolutely loved it.

When Halloween night actually rolled around, I was in the shower preparing for another night of "I'm having a great time. This party's awesome" when a not so clever idea came to me. I decided to be Dr. Pepper. Dress as a doctor and wear my Dr. Pepper shirt. A terrible play on words, but that's what I went with. A lab coat, blue pastel pants, and a doctor's mask later and I was Dr. P.

Last year I was a makeshift Axl Rose and sure enough someone dressed as Slash was at the bar and a mini photo op ensued.



This year I'm going back to the Dr. Pepper because of my affection for the product, but this time I went out and got the doctor costume (green scrubs) and will just wear my Dr. Pepper shirt underneath (and will probably expose it somehow).

Now with all this Dr. Pepper and Guns N' Roses talk I feel that it is appropriate to mention that everyone in America can receive a free 20 oz. drink on November 23rd (23 flavors) because Guns 'N Roses will be releasing their new album "Chinese Democracy" before the end of the calendar year. Officials at Dr. Pepper challenged the band back in May with this promotion because of the long standing anticipation for the album's release.

http://www.courant.com/features/food/hc-webgunssoda.artoct31,0,7962445.story

It's good to see two things I love teaming up, but before we go any further, Chinese Democracy? Those Commie bastards have been trying to scam us for years with this People's Republic of China malarkey.

China's flag



The flag of the Soviet Union



I love how Guns 'N Roses are making a statement to the Chinese. And that message looks a little something like this.