I can't get over the fact that a man named Wang made a scene for having his -wang out, but then again, Wang is probably like Johnson over there.
There can be no greater feeling in sports than winning a gold medal for your country, but that is not justification for urinating in public. Being a man is. Men, how many times have you been drunk and just let your hose spray on a tree, a tire, a building, etc? It's what men do, under certain circumstances.
There is indeed an unwritten, yet generally understood, code of bathroom etiquette among males. It might seem like a feces/urine free for all, but there are actually some governing principles that make the process flow a little bit smoother (I can't stop the innuendo, it just happens). There is a lot to cover and if I leave out any major rules or guidelines, please feel free to add them in.
Rule #1- No peeking. No matter how badly you want to size up your opponent at the adjacent urinal (or the trough, which is pretty much like one of those water gun games at a fair or carnival), you must fight the urge. I must admit that earlier in my career (no I was not sneaking peeks), I simply wasn't ready for the big stage. I would occasionally experience a little gun trouble at a urinal duel and relegate myself to my home away from home- the stall. There's something about seeing the water that helps.
Rule #2- I don't care what pretty boy is washing his hands (I hope everyone does) or checking himself out in the mirror, the sink is fair game. Wasting time waiting in line is for pussies. Obviously this also means that trashcans, etc are up for grabs. In fact, I had one of the best urinary deposits of my excretion career in a trash can at a concert.
Rule #3- This pertains to Mr. Wang most directly and it's that if at any point, you feel like your time could be better served imbibing alcohol/fraternizing with sluts as opposed to waiting in the piss line, than take your business outside. Our anatomy lends itself to leaving our mark wherever we damn well please.
Rule#4- If the guy in the stall next to you is belting out alphabet poop (I'm sure you've heard of people burping the alphabet) or putting on a show louder than a Metallica concert, you must congratulate him on his performance no matter how bad it stunk.
Rule #5- Stall pissers have 20 seconds to get it done before they are asking to get pissed on, where as urinal pissers get 25 seconds. It's kind of like fast money in Family Feud.
Trust me, there are plenty more. For example, Rule#35- No females allowed unless all excretions are sexual fluids. Exceptions for Golden Showers and Blumpkins can be appealed. Actually, Blumpkins are always a go. Again, if you feel as if I have left out something major, do not hesistate.
Now the real problem I have with Wang is his arrogant comment to the security guard. "I am the famous Wang Hao! I am the world champion! Does it matter if I beat you?" Although it's funny, it's also pretty pompous; however using celebrity status has to be awkward. I really feel bad for the fringe celebrities that only get recognized at half the places they go. How uncomfortable would you feel explaining to someone that you deserve special treatment (not waiting in a line at a club, getting a table at a restaurant, etc) because of who you are?
This notion of using one's celebrity status to avoid trouble reminds me of former Providence basketball player Donnie McGrath. Now to be fair, outside of John Linehan, Austin Croshere, and God Shamgod, Providence basketball hasn't been relevant since they made it to the Final Four under Rick Pitino in 1987. You're probably asking yourself, who is Donnie McGrath? Well folks, Donnie McGrath was your typical white point guard from an affluent upbringing that thought that he needed to portray a ghetto lifestyle because he was a basketball player. This trend has become very common in today's culture and has, in fact, run ramped in the Big East. For example, Donnie McGrath was Mike Nardi before Mike Nardi, and Eric Devendorf before Eric Devendorf.
Here's how Donnie attempted to use his 'celebrity' status to get out of trouble.
http://media.www.thecowl.com/media/storage/paper493/news/2004/04/01/Sports/Rough.Week.For.Mens.HoopsAnd.Its.The.Offseason-656934.shtml
"Be cool. You know me." What a piece of trash. Now I am the furthest thing from a women's rights activist, but rule #1 of interacting with the opposite sex (other than drinking an obscene amount of alcohol to avoid awkwardness) is to never, under 99% of possible circumstances, hit/strike them. Now if a female has just killed one of my family members or close friends, that bitch is going to get it. I mean that goes without saying, but outside of that, hitting a girl is out of the question. That being said, I literally can not figure out how girls go back to men that have hit them.
2 comments:
I must say, i disagree with the hand washing comments post urination. I dont think you should have to wash your hands after peeing. In fact, I think you should have to wash your shlong after going. Think about it, your hands come into contact with all sorts of shit throughout the day while your cock, freshly cleaned from the morning shower, is blanketted in your pants, never getting dirty or messy in the outside world. Think about it...
touche jeff.....also what about el nino blumpkins?
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