Jungle Fever

I am not a Survivor supporter, nor have I ever been, and I resent the fact that Jeff Probst won an Emmy for his 'hosting skills', but this video is too good to be true.

First of all, Danny "GC" is your typical black man who is excited to learn about his native land and I don't know too many people that would mind if he just stayed there.

Next, we have Charlie, who is like an Ivy league guy, who is smart, but he's not a rocket scientist. Charlie is a bottom that has a lisp and is only on the show to start the fires because he's already flaming.

Then we have Jacquie, who for some reason, flirts with everyone and doesn't know why. Are you serious Jacquie? Every guy on the planet flirts with you because they want to knock your fun bags around in the sack. Don't act so clueless.

Finally, we have Gillian, who delivers perhaps the greatest line of any preview commercial that I have ever seen. "Once Africa gets in you, Africa never gets out." Translation, "Once you go black, you never go back." You can tell that she's thinking about the time that she got impaled with a 14 inch behemoth when she says it too.


Which brings us to the top 3 cases in recent memory, of white girls getting a case of jungle fever.

3.) Tiffany Ortiz


I know that Papi isn't even Africa black (he's Dominican), but I couldn't resist because he is the spitting image of the gorilla shown in the beginning of the clip. I've seen the sort of things that he can do with a Louisville Slugger in his hands and I can't even imagine what kind of damage he can cause with his own lumber.

2.) Ann Dunham (Barack Obama's mother)


Obama's mom had one of the most sever cases of jungle fever that I have ever come across. Obama's father (also named Barack) was Kenyan, as in 100% African, and what are Kenyans most known for? That's right, for their participation in marathons. Obama's mom was getting it allll night long. Along the same lines, I find it odd that Obama doesn't support offshore drilling because you know that during his conception his mom was screaming, "Drill, Baby, Drill."


1.) Heidi Klum


Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder how this happened. Heidi Klum is a world renown supermodel and Seal is savage, who had one good song. I'll be the first to admit when a black man is good looking. For example, Kobe Bryant is a stud. But, Seal? Come onnn. The only logical explanation that I can think of is that Heidi got trashed at some celebrity function and wanted to see what a black man was like in bed. She thought it would be a one time thing, but she got addicted to his gargantuan bamboo stick.





Thanks to John in Chicago, IL for the link