Jungle Fever

This past August I was at a birthday celebration for friend of the blog Kyle Korver and a few us had an intriguing conversation about who the hottest black woman on the planet is. I found it to be an intriguing discussion because there was no clear cut answer. Hell, there wasn’t even a consensus group of nominees. People were throwing out names that I’d never heard of. Even when they said, “You know that girl from that (tv show/commercial/music video)?” I couldn’t picture some of them.

Five months later I still think it’s a fascinating issue. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not in touch with the African-American community, but I think it’s safe to say that we, as a society, have come a long way in the past 20 years. We have a strong willed black woman as our first lady in Michelle Obama, we had a black woman as our secretary of state in Condoleezza Rice, and Oprah is arguably one of the most influential women in the country. That said, where is the next Halle Berry? I bet most people would have trouble naming another black actress. Where’s the next Tyra Banks or Naomi Campbell? Are there really no black super models anymore? Also, there are a few famous black musicians, but none are icons like Janet Jackson, are they?

So as we celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. day I think it’s only appropriate to ask who the hottest black chick on the planet is?

Here's my Top 10

Honorable mention- Jennifer Hudson



The other day I saw her on some fitness show (I wasn’t watching it, but it was on of the 12 TVs in a studio) and she looked gooood. That said, I know that she used to be fat and I don’t think I can get past it.


10.) Alicia Keys



She is definitely more talented than hot, but her golden pipes make her a whole lot more appealing.


9.) Gabrielle Union



Even though I believe it’s confirmed that she has herpes (thanks to Dwyane Wade), she’s still a babe.


8.) Zoe Saldana



If there was ever a case of someone who is not photogenic, but is strikingly attractive in movies it’s Zoe Saldana. Trust me, she's hot.


7.) Meagan Good



She’s on the new season of Californication and she looks just like her surname suggests. She'll probably be #5 on this list by the end of the season.


6.) Nicki Minaj



As weird as she may seem she’s still got a pretty face and a fat ass.


5.) Rihanna



She just exudes sex. I don’t think that there’s any doubt that she’s an absolute freak in bed.


4.) Selita Ebanks



For those of you that don’t know her, Selita Ebanks is a former Victoria’s Secret model who was formerly engaged to Nick Cannon (aka Mr. Mariah Carey).


3.) Beyonce



She’d probably be #1 if she didn’t just pop out a kid (after all she made the final four of my bracket back in March). I think she’s easily the most attainable black woman alive. She’s just not currently the hottest.


2.) Ciara



I probably have her rated higher than most would, but I think she’s amazing. She’s also, hands down, the best female dancer (not in the stripper kind of way) in the world.


1.) Nicole Sherzinger



She’s not even really black (she’s Hawaiian, Filipino, and Russian), but she looks black and she’s stupid hot so I’m counting it. Seriously, can you argue with this?

Jungle Fever

I am not a Survivor supporter, nor have I ever been, and I resent the fact that Jeff Probst won an Emmy for his 'hosting skills', but this video is too good to be true.

First of all, Danny "GC" is your typical black man who is excited to learn about his native land and I don't know too many people that would mind if he just stayed there.

Next, we have Charlie, who is like an Ivy league guy, who is smart, but he's not a rocket scientist. Charlie is a bottom that has a lisp and is only on the show to start the fires because he's already flaming.

Then we have Jacquie, who for some reason, flirts with everyone and doesn't know why. Are you serious Jacquie? Every guy on the planet flirts with you because they want to knock your fun bags around in the sack. Don't act so clueless.

Finally, we have Gillian, who delivers perhaps the greatest line of any preview commercial that I have ever seen. "Once Africa gets in you, Africa never gets out." Translation, "Once you go black, you never go back." You can tell that she's thinking about the time that she got impaled with a 14 inch behemoth when she says it too.


Which brings us to the top 3 cases in recent memory, of white girls getting a case of jungle fever.

3.) Tiffany Ortiz


I know that Papi isn't even Africa black (he's Dominican), but I couldn't resist because he is the spitting image of the gorilla shown in the beginning of the clip. I've seen the sort of things that he can do with a Louisville Slugger in his hands and I can't even imagine what kind of damage he can cause with his own lumber.

2.) Ann Dunham (Barack Obama's mother)


Obama's mom had one of the most sever cases of jungle fever that I have ever come across. Obama's father (also named Barack) was Kenyan, as in 100% African, and what are Kenyans most known for? That's right, for their participation in marathons. Obama's mom was getting it allll night long. Along the same lines, I find it odd that Obama doesn't support offshore drilling because you know that during his conception his mom was screaming, "Drill, Baby, Drill."


1.) Heidi Klum


Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder how this happened. Heidi Klum is a world renown supermodel and Seal is savage, who had one good song. I'll be the first to admit when a black man is good looking. For example, Kobe Bryant is a stud. But, Seal? Come onnn. The only logical explanation that I can think of is that Heidi got trashed at some celebrity function and wanted to see what a black man was like in bed. She thought it would be a one time thing, but she got addicted to his gargantuan bamboo stick.





Thanks to John in Chicago, IL for the link