Believe it or not, about a month ago I started writing for an online women's magazine. I know, I know, it seems like I went soft, but after spending a year of my life unintentionally tormenting women with my writing, I figured it was time to give back. Actually my old news writing professor sent me the link to the job application because she thought that it was perfect for me. My job with the site was simply to write an article a week on female issues from the male perspective.
Now I knew going into this that my editor was gushing with feministic ideals simply based on the fact that she's the editor of an online women's magazine geared towards 18-25 year olds. This was definitely a cause for concern at first, but I wasn't deterred because she loved a few of my old "He Said" articles that I had included in my application for the position. (I tamed them down a bit)
Sure enough, after just a few weeks I apparently reverted back to my old ways. I must admit that I did not forsee this problem happening. I figured that I'd be able to successfully tailor my writing to a new audience (women) and help them by being honest about the male perspective.
A few days after I sent in my 4th article, tentatively titled "In Support of Gender Roles", I got an email back from my editor asking me to make severe changes to the piece or to just scrap it altogether. She was actually very cool about it, but she thought the article was rife with stereotypes and would be considered offensive by several people.
Please read the prospective article that I sent in and vote on how offensive you find it to be.
In Support of Gender Roles
Let me first state that in no way, shape, or form am I attempting to cast a negative shadow on the societal advancements that women have made in the past century. Even with all of the progress thus far there is still not equality between the sexes. Women still only make something like 70 cents on the dollar of what men in similar positions do and this is not fair. That being said, let’s not forget about all the niceties that our patriarchal system provides for women.
If true gender equality is ever reached there would be no more “Ladies first”. Men would no longer hold the car door open or lay their jackets down to prevent women from having to step in puddles (Has this ever happened in real life?). Perhaps most importantly men would no longer pay for everything on dates. Now I say all of this in jest, but there are certain areas of our societal gender roles that I would like to caution women about because they have unexpectedly begun to gray.
Working Out
Make no mistake about it. Women are athletes too. They have to lift weights just like guys do so that they have a competitive advantage over their opponents. I get that. All I’ll say is that girls that don’t partake in athletic competition should steer clear of the weight room. There’s nothing worse than seeing a girl that becomes a weight room fiend like the guy that only does curls and has a barbed wire tattoo around his biceps. Guys want to feel the need to protect you from danger. We want you to ask us to open jars for you. So please stick to your treadmills, ellipticals, and yoga.
Now I’ll admit that working out for girls must be tough because they have to walk a fine line. Guys, for superficial reasons, do prefer skinny girls, but this does not mean that girls should take working out to the extreme. A fine toned stomach is attractive. A six pack is a little intimidating.
Sports
The wide world of sports is sort of man’s escape from women. Sometimes we just want to sit on the couch, throw back a few brewskis, and watch the game with the guys. That is our quintessential idea of what it is to be masculine. Sports are our lexicon, our buffer zone. Sports are the foundation upon which many male friendships are built. I swear if you took sports out of the equation my relationship with at least three people would become obsolete. Sports give guys a chance to be guys. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t feel pressure to watch sports with your boyfriend. In all likelihood he doesn’t necessarily want you there in the first place. Go shopping, get your nails done, or better yet go get two centimeters cut from your hair and then get mad at us for not noticing. We’re fine with that.
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with watching or going to a sporting event with your boyfriend. Sometimes he wants to show you that macho side of him or maybe you just want to be a part of his fun. That’s fine. Just don’t become overbearing when it comes to sports. Actually a fellow male writer recently wrote an article about how to sprinkle in your boyfriend’s love of sports into your relationship.
Drinking Alcohol
Everybody likes to have a good time and for many of us alcohol is a more than suitable catalyst. In college alcohol is at the heart of much of the social events and situations that undergrads particularly enjoy. All sorts of drinking games and devices help college kids imbibe egregious amounts of alcohol so that they can fraternize with the opposite sex. It’s basically a free-for-all. While sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in this parade of drunkenness, it’s important, especially for girls, to maintain a certain level of self-respect. Sure there are going to be some nights that you wish you could forget/remember. We all have those. Just don’t make it a common occurrence.
While people like and enjoy the girl that’s the life of the party, nobody in their right mind wants to date her. Quite frankly her uncontrollable desire for attention is unattractive. More often than not this sort of person needs a babysitter after a while anyway. Leave this childish and unruly behavior for your male counterparts. We don’t know any better than to make fools of ourselves.
I think it's fair to say that most of you are familiar with my past writing exploits. After reading the title to this article, didn't you expect me to bring the hammer down? Maybe I'm just desensitized to anti-feminist literature because I'm a guy, but I see nothing offensive in that article. In fact, I feel as if I went out of my way to cover my tracks after everything I said that could even be considered slightly anti-female. What pains me the most is that I think I even broke a rule of manhood by referring to females as athletes.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Leading Role: Ben Stiller
It’s time to unveil The Shampoo Effect's newest feature. It is tentatively being called “Leading Role”. Not that catchy, I know, but what does this new feature entail?
Plenty of Actors and Actresses have compiled impressive resumes, but sometimes it's hard to determine which role is their finest. For the sake of argument, let’s say that every actor or actress chosen for “Leading Role” decides to pull a Joaquin Phoenix and abruptly walks away from the movie business. Our goal then is to decide which of their performances would be considered their magnum opus. I will nominate and review what I deem to be an actor or actress’ 4-5 best roles and then you can vote for whichever one you think is their best.
After that little introduction I think it would only be appropriate to start with Joaquin Phoenix; however I think it’s pretty clear that his role as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line (2005) was his finest. Let’s instead start with Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller)’s other son; Ben Stiller.
The nominees are:
1.) Derek Zoolander in Zoolander (2001)- In this role Stiller plays a male supermodel who after falling from the top of his industry is selected by a fashion mogul to assassinate a foreign dignitary.
Most Memorable Lines:
Matilda: I was, Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?
Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
Derek Zoolander: I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop.
Hansel: Excuse me, bra.
Derek Zoolander: You're excused, and I'm not your bra.
Synopsis: Maybe it's because he teamed with Owen Wilson, Will Ferrel, and his wife Christine Taylor (who I have a bigtime crush on by the way), but I think this is Stiller's best performance. While most of his characters rely on awkwardness to provide humor, Zoolander's dim-wittedness produces the same result. Everything about this character from his inability to turn left to the gasoline fight and corrresponding eulogy is great.
2.) Tony Perkis in Heavyweights (1995)- In this film (fun fact- Judd Apatow was one of the two writers) Stiller plays the role of an ex-fitness instructor, who's methods (The Perkisystem) don't work, that runs a summer camp for overweight kids only to see them rebel against him.
Most Memorable Lines:
Tony Perkis: [on the PA] Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Tony Perkis: Congratulations Mr. Sims, you are the fattest boy in camp.
Synopsis: Heavyweights is a very underrated movie. I loved it as a 9 year old, loved it as a 16 year old, and loved it as a 21 year old. Tony Perkis, in case you haven’t pieced it together yet, is clearly the prelude to the more well known White Goodman. Perkis was very good, but Stiller definitely fine tuned the character and made Goodman even better. If you buy into this train of thought (and you should), than Perkis can’t be Stiller’s best.
3.) White Goodman in Dodgeball (2004)- In this film Stiller plays the owner of a corporate workout facility, named Globo Gym, that enters his minions into a dodgeball tournament to complete the acquisition of a neighboring local gym.
Most Memorable Lines:
White Goodman: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody!
White Goodman: Hello, Katherine. Good to see you. I didn't know you were dropping by
Kate Veatch: You asked me to come over.
White Goodman: Did I?
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Kate Veatch: That is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns.
It's how I handle my business….It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: So, please, whatever you do, don't think of me as your boss.
Kate Veatch: I don't.
White Goodman: I don't want to get into a formal thing. I'm White, you know.
W-h-i-t…………E.
Kate Veatch: Thanks, Mr Goodman, but I don’t work for you. I'm contracted by the bank. They just assigned me to your account.
White Goodman: Right, well. You work for the bank. The bank works for me, so ipso fact, I'm your boss. Point is, I would love to see your pretty little bone structure around here some more. There's no reason we need to be shackled by the structures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back…..I'm just kidding. ….But seriously, I've got 'em.
Synopsis: Stiller pulls off the uptight, image conscious workout prick extremely well. White Goodman, for me anyway, is vintage Stiller. He has the same awkwardness when it comes to social interaction, but it's mixed with a sense of entitlement that causes him to demean others. As you can see, his encounters with Kate (played again by his wife Christine Taylor) provide some of the best lines from the entire movie.
4.) Greg Focker in Meet the Parents (2000)- In this film Stiller plays a male nurse who meets his girlfriend's parents before he proposes to her, but disaster seemingly looms every step of the way.
Most Memorable Lines:
[in the car listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon"]
Greg Focker: Who'd have thought it wasn't about a dragon.
Jack Byrnes: Huh?
Greg Focker: Well some people think that 'to puff the magic dragon' means to... puff... smoke... a marijuana cigarette.
Jack Byrnes: Puff is just the name of the boy's magical dragon... You a pothead, Focker?
Greg Focker: No, I pass on grass always. Well not always.
Jack Byrnes: Yes or no?
Greg Focker: No, um, yes, um...
Greg Focker: Oh, dear God, thank you, you are such a good God to us. A kind and gentle and accommodating God, and we thank You oh sweet, sweet Lord of hosts for the smörgåsbord You have so aptly laid at our table this day, and each day, by day, day by day, by day oh dear Lord three things we pray to love Thee more dearly, to see Thee more clearly, to follow Thee more nearly, day, by day, by day. Amen.
Synopsis: Probably his most widely viewed film (only There's Something About Mary might have earned more at the box office), but I'm not sure it was his best. Simply put, Focker is just a relatively normal, albeit awkward, guy. While I don't think Focker is Stiller's best, he does deliver my personal favorite Stiller moment when he first meets his girlfriend's mom. He isn’t sure if he should hug her or give her a handshake and the awkwardness just seeps out of him. Now I’ll admit that is a difficult situation for many young men and women out where. Personally I think the adult should dictate the greeting by either extending a hand or opening their arms. Unfortunately this is rarely the case as most middle aged women are timid. This forces the young male to make a snap judgment on how to proceed with the greeting.
5.) Hal L. in Happy Gilmore (1996)- In this film, Stiller briefly appears as the orderly in a nursing home where the main character takes his grandmother to stay after she is evicted from her house.
Most Memorable Lines:
Synopsis: Arguably his greatest character, but the mere 5 minutes of screen time makes it hard to make the case that this is his best performance.
Apologies to his roles in There's Something About Mary (1998), Starsky and Hutch (2004), Along Came Polly (2004), and Tropic Thunder (2008).
Plenty of Actors and Actresses have compiled impressive resumes, but sometimes it's hard to determine which role is their finest. For the sake of argument, let’s say that every actor or actress chosen for “Leading Role” decides to pull a Joaquin Phoenix and abruptly walks away from the movie business. Our goal then is to decide which of their performances would be considered their magnum opus. I will nominate and review what I deem to be an actor or actress’ 4-5 best roles and then you can vote for whichever one you think is their best.
After that little introduction I think it would only be appropriate to start with Joaquin Phoenix; however I think it’s pretty clear that his role as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line (2005) was his finest. Let’s instead start with Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller)’s other son; Ben Stiller.
The nominees are:
1.) Derek Zoolander in Zoolander (2001)- In this role Stiller plays a male supermodel who after falling from the top of his industry is selected by a fashion mogul to assassinate a foreign dignitary.
Most Memorable Lines:
Matilda: I was, Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?
Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
Derek Zoolander: I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop.
Hansel: Excuse me, bra.
Derek Zoolander: You're excused, and I'm not your bra.
Synopsis: Maybe it's because he teamed with Owen Wilson, Will Ferrel, and his wife Christine Taylor (who I have a bigtime crush on by the way), but I think this is Stiller's best performance. While most of his characters rely on awkwardness to provide humor, Zoolander's dim-wittedness produces the same result. Everything about this character from his inability to turn left to the gasoline fight and corrresponding eulogy is great.
2.) Tony Perkis in Heavyweights (1995)- In this film (fun fact- Judd Apatow was one of the two writers) Stiller plays the role of an ex-fitness instructor, who's methods (The Perkisystem) don't work, that runs a summer camp for overweight kids only to see them rebel against him.
Most Memorable Lines:
Tony Perkis: [on the PA] Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Tony Perkis: Congratulations Mr. Sims, you are the fattest boy in camp.
Synopsis: Heavyweights is a very underrated movie. I loved it as a 9 year old, loved it as a 16 year old, and loved it as a 21 year old. Tony Perkis, in case you haven’t pieced it together yet, is clearly the prelude to the more well known White Goodman. Perkis was very good, but Stiller definitely fine tuned the character and made Goodman even better. If you buy into this train of thought (and you should), than Perkis can’t be Stiller’s best.
3.) White Goodman in Dodgeball (2004)- In this film Stiller plays the owner of a corporate workout facility, named Globo Gym, that enters his minions into a dodgeball tournament to complete the acquisition of a neighboring local gym.
Most Memorable Lines:
White Goodman: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody!
White Goodman: Hello, Katherine. Good to see you. I didn't know you were dropping by
Kate Veatch: You asked me to come over.
White Goodman: Did I?
Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
White Goodman: You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
Kate Veatch: That is a really interesting painting.
White Goodman: Thank you. Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns.
It's how I handle my business….It's a metaphor.
Kate Veatch: I get it.
White Goodman: But that actually happened, though.
White Goodman: So, please, whatever you do, don't think of me as your boss.
Kate Veatch: I don't.
White Goodman: I don't want to get into a formal thing. I'm White, you know.
W-h-i-t…………E.
Kate Veatch: Thanks, Mr Goodman, but I don’t work for you. I'm contracted by the bank. They just assigned me to your account.
White Goodman: Right, well. You work for the bank. The bank works for me, so ipso fact, I'm your boss. Point is, I would love to see your pretty little bone structure around here some more. There's no reason we need to be shackled by the structures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back…..I'm just kidding. ….But seriously, I've got 'em.
Synopsis: Stiller pulls off the uptight, image conscious workout prick extremely well. White Goodman, for me anyway, is vintage Stiller. He has the same awkwardness when it comes to social interaction, but it's mixed with a sense of entitlement that causes him to demean others. As you can see, his encounters with Kate (played again by his wife Christine Taylor) provide some of the best lines from the entire movie.
4.) Greg Focker in Meet the Parents (2000)- In this film Stiller plays a male nurse who meets his girlfriend's parents before he proposes to her, but disaster seemingly looms every step of the way.
Most Memorable Lines:
[in the car listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon"]
Greg Focker: Who'd have thought it wasn't about a dragon.
Jack Byrnes: Huh?
Greg Focker: Well some people think that 'to puff the magic dragon' means to... puff... smoke... a marijuana cigarette.
Jack Byrnes: Puff is just the name of the boy's magical dragon... You a pothead, Focker?
Greg Focker: No, I pass on grass always. Well not always.
Jack Byrnes: Yes or no?
Greg Focker: No, um, yes, um...
Greg Focker: Oh, dear God, thank you, you are such a good God to us. A kind and gentle and accommodating God, and we thank You oh sweet, sweet Lord of hosts for the smörgåsbord You have so aptly laid at our table this day, and each day, by day, day by day, by day oh dear Lord three things we pray to love Thee more dearly, to see Thee more clearly, to follow Thee more nearly, day, by day, by day. Amen.
Synopsis: Probably his most widely viewed film (only There's Something About Mary might have earned more at the box office), but I'm not sure it was his best. Simply put, Focker is just a relatively normal, albeit awkward, guy. While I don't think Focker is Stiller's best, he does deliver my personal favorite Stiller moment when he first meets his girlfriend's mom. He isn’t sure if he should hug her or give her a handshake and the awkwardness just seeps out of him. Now I’ll admit that is a difficult situation for many young men and women out where. Personally I think the adult should dictate the greeting by either extending a hand or opening their arms. Unfortunately this is rarely the case as most middle aged women are timid. This forces the young male to make a snap judgment on how to proceed with the greeting.
5.) Hal L. in Happy Gilmore (1996)- In this film, Stiller briefly appears as the orderly in a nursing home where the main character takes his grandmother to stay after she is evicted from her house.
Most Memorable Lines:
Synopsis: Arguably his greatest character, but the mere 5 minutes of screen time makes it hard to make the case that this is his best performance.
Apologies to his roles in There's Something About Mary (1998), Starsky and Hutch (2004), Along Came Polly (2004), and Tropic Thunder (2008).
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I Finally Caved
No, I didn't join Twitter, but three loyal readers (I didn't know I had that many either) have asked why I haven't written anything on the passing of Pop Icon Michael Jackson, so here you go. In the days following his death I decided that it was a topic that I didn't want to comment on for a multitude of reasons.
For starters I knew that the national media coverage would be so over the top that everyone's appetite for Michael Jackson related stories would be soured. In fact, I would argue that most of you have been so oversaturated with articles remembering the King of Pop that you are blowing through this article like Paris Hilton under a green light.
While there's no doubting Jackson's musical genius, I think that the peak of his success was a little before my time. Thankfully music is timeless so I can still enjoy "Man in the Mirror", "Thriller", and "Billie Jean" whenever I damn well please, but Michael Jackson was not a considerable influence in my life. This is similar to my argument about the real MJ, Michael Jordan. Jordan retired (for the second time) in 1998 when most of us were 11-13 years old. There is just no way that we, at that age, could have fully appreciated his greatness. We never had the chance to consistenly watch him in his prime, in full games, when we had a significant understanding of basketball.
Similarly, most of what I heard about Michael Jackson while growing up involved his not so peachy clean personal life. For example:
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson had sex with little boys.
Now I don't mean to trash on a man in his grave, but this is just an example of the kinds of things I associated with this musical legend. Also, I'm sure you've heard plenty of new jokes about Jackson involving his death. For example:
Apparently paramedics were able to momentarily revive Jackson, but as he was rolled past the children's ward he went stiff again.
Lastly, Jackson's death is unquestionably significant because he is one of a very select few that have truly reached icon level as a performer. His contributions to the pop culture world can not fully be measured, but will people be talking about where they were when they heard the news of his death like our parents do with JFK? Some might say yes, but I say no. Our generation has already had our "where was I when ________ happened" and ours was September 11th, 2001.
For starters I knew that the national media coverage would be so over the top that everyone's appetite for Michael Jackson related stories would be soured. In fact, I would argue that most of you have been so oversaturated with articles remembering the King of Pop that you are blowing through this article like Paris Hilton under a green light.
While there's no doubting Jackson's musical genius, I think that the peak of his success was a little before my time. Thankfully music is timeless so I can still enjoy "Man in the Mirror", "Thriller", and "Billie Jean" whenever I damn well please, but Michael Jackson was not a considerable influence in my life. This is similar to my argument about the real MJ, Michael Jordan. Jordan retired (for the second time) in 1998 when most of us were 11-13 years old. There is just no way that we, at that age, could have fully appreciated his greatness. We never had the chance to consistenly watch him in his prime, in full games, when we had a significant understanding of basketball.
Similarly, most of what I heard about Michael Jackson while growing up involved his not so peachy clean personal life. For example:
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson had sex with little boys.
Now I don't mean to trash on a man in his grave, but this is just an example of the kinds of things I associated with this musical legend. Also, I'm sure you've heard plenty of new jokes about Jackson involving his death. For example:
Apparently paramedics were able to momentarily revive Jackson, but as he was rolled past the children's ward he went stiff again.
Lastly, Jackson's death is unquestionably significant because he is one of a very select few that have truly reached icon level as a performer. His contributions to the pop culture world can not fully be measured, but will people be talking about where they were when they heard the news of his death like our parents do with JFK? Some might say yes, but I say no. Our generation has already had our "where was I when ________ happened" and ours was September 11th, 2001.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Summer Hits
In the most recent issue of Rolling Stone Magazine they list the song's that have been #1 on July 4th for the past 40 years. Because we are a younger generation (by the way I read an article the other day that referred to our generation as "millenials"), I'll only list the top 20 and link to some of my personal favorites. Also, before I get to the songs, I must say that I'm bothered by the cover of Rolling Stone which features the Jonas Brothers with the phrase, "Boys To Men" in bold. Quite frankly, I think that's a travesty.
2008- I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry
2007- Umbrella by Rihanna featuring Jay-Z- Might be the song that got the most annoying the quickest
2006- Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado featuring Timbaland
2005- We Belong Together by Mariah Carey
2004- Burn by Usher
2003- This is the Night by Clay Aiken
2002- Hot in Herre by Nelly- 7 years ago? Really?
2001- U Remind Me by Usher- Our only two time winnner (that goes for the past 40 years)
2000- Be With You by Enrique Iglesias
1999- If You Had My Love by Jennifer Lopez- Never has a celebrity that has been the focal point of the spotlight just disappeared like J-Lo did after the disaster that was Gigli (2003)
1998- The Boy is Mine by Brandy and Monica
1997- I'll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans- The first song I ever memorized. Also it should be noted that although Rolling Stone did not give them credit, the group 112 also collaborated on this song.
1996- Tha Crossroads by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony- I remember my brothers, both whiter than I am (is that even possible?) liked this song/video so much that they recorded it the last time they played it on MTV. I'm pretty sure neither one could tell you where that VHS is today, but thank God for youtube. Here it is guys.
1995- Waterfalls by TLC- I want to say thats there was some debate in suburbia back when I was 9 about the lyrics of this song's chorus. Some kids thought that T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili were saying the name "Jason", but here are the lyrics just to clear everything up.
1994- I Swear by All-4-One
1993- That's the Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson
1992- Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot
1991- Rush, Rush by Paula Abdul
1990- Step by Step by New Kids on the Block- I thought that was just the name of the TV show on TGIF. Bonus points if you can name all of the 5 members of the group without looking them up. I could only think of 3 and only thought that there was 4 members of the group.
1989- Baby Don't Forget My Number by Milli Vanilli
2008- I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry
2007- Umbrella by Rihanna featuring Jay-Z- Might be the song that got the most annoying the quickest
2006- Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado featuring Timbaland
2005- We Belong Together by Mariah Carey
2004- Burn by Usher
2003- This is the Night by Clay Aiken
2002- Hot in Herre by Nelly- 7 years ago? Really?
2001- U Remind Me by Usher- Our only two time winnner (that goes for the past 40 years)
2000- Be With You by Enrique Iglesias
1999- If You Had My Love by Jennifer Lopez- Never has a celebrity that has been the focal point of the spotlight just disappeared like J-Lo did after the disaster that was Gigli (2003)
1998- The Boy is Mine by Brandy and Monica
1997- I'll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans- The first song I ever memorized. Also it should be noted that although Rolling Stone did not give them credit, the group 112 also collaborated on this song.
1996- Tha Crossroads by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony- I remember my brothers, both whiter than I am (is that even possible?) liked this song/video so much that they recorded it the last time they played it on MTV. I'm pretty sure neither one could tell you where that VHS is today, but thank God for youtube. Here it is guys.
1995- Waterfalls by TLC- I want to say thats there was some debate in suburbia back when I was 9 about the lyrics of this song's chorus. Some kids thought that T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili were saying the name "Jason", but here are the lyrics just to clear everything up.
1994- I Swear by All-4-One
1993- That's the Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson
1992- Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot
1991- Rush, Rush by Paula Abdul
1990- Step by Step by New Kids on the Block- I thought that was just the name of the TV show on TGIF. Bonus points if you can name all of the 5 members of the group without looking them up. I could only think of 3 and only thought that there was 4 members of the group.
1989- Baby Don't Forget My Number by Milli Vanilli
Happy Birthday America
As you should all know, the greatest country in the history of civilization turns 233 this Saturday. I think the Fourth of July is my favorite holiday of the year. I mean, I normally celebrate how awesome America is everyday, but it's really something to see everyone else do it as well. It doesn't get better than seeing the red, white, and blue waving everywhere while scarfing down hot dogs and hamburgers, slugging brewskis, and housing ice cream before watching a kick ass fireworks display.
I also love the Fourth of July because, at least for the past few years, we get to see a reenactment of World War II's Pacific Theater when American hero Joey Chestnut demolishes Kobayashi in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island. Everytime I watch the competition, I notice that some people only eat about 15-20 hotdogs in the alotted 10 minutes and I think to myself that I could at least devour 14 right then and there. Then I figure that if I trained for a year I'd be somewhere in the 18-22 range. Never in my right mind do I think that I can contend, but I think I can qualify.
Unfortunately this year, I won't be able to celebrate America's birthday in full force because I'll be at the office working on some baseball game. I guess baseball is pretty American, even though I don't think of it as our pastime anymore. I think it is past it's time. Football is now America's game. Either way, to get my mind off the fact that I'll be working while the rest of you are at a BBQ, I present five of my favorite America related songs.
5.) Born in the U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen
A friend of mine recently said that if he was a Major League Baseball player )or a member of my intramural softball team during my senior year of college) that this would be his walk up song everytime he came to the plate. Just listen to the first 15 seconds over and tell me that's not perfect. I think I'd like to set my alarm to wake me up everyday.
4.) I am a Real American by Rick Derringer
I literally go nuts when I hear this song. Something comes over me and I think that for three minutes and twenty-three seconds that I am in fact Hulk Hogan. It doesn't get much more American than that.
3.) I'm Proud to be an American by Lee Greenwood
Listen to that song three times and if you don't get goosebumps never speak to me again. If I was ever drafted into the military I'd be scared out of my mind, but I'd listen to that song a few times and I'd be good to go.
2.) Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue by Toby Keith
Speaking of songs that get me pumped me up. My favorite part of Country music is that they are all die hard Americans (except for the Dixie Chicks who can go fist themselves) This song basically says, "Don't mess with America because we will not hesistate to fuck you up."
1.) Team America: World Police Theme Song
I also love the Fourth of July because, at least for the past few years, we get to see a reenactment of World War II's Pacific Theater when American hero Joey Chestnut demolishes Kobayashi in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island. Everytime I watch the competition, I notice that some people only eat about 15-20 hotdogs in the alotted 10 minutes and I think to myself that I could at least devour 14 right then and there. Then I figure that if I trained for a year I'd be somewhere in the 18-22 range. Never in my right mind do I think that I can contend, but I think I can qualify.
Unfortunately this year, I won't be able to celebrate America's birthday in full force because I'll be at the office working on some baseball game. I guess baseball is pretty American, even though I don't think of it as our pastime anymore. I think it is past it's time. Football is now America's game. Either way, to get my mind off the fact that I'll be working while the rest of you are at a BBQ, I present five of my favorite America related songs.
5.) Born in the U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen
A friend of mine recently said that if he was a Major League Baseball player )or a member of my intramural softball team during my senior year of college) that this would be his walk up song everytime he came to the plate. Just listen to the first 15 seconds over and tell me that's not perfect. I think I'd like to set my alarm to wake me up everyday.
4.) I am a Real American by Rick Derringer
I literally go nuts when I hear this song. Something comes over me and I think that for three minutes and twenty-three seconds that I am in fact Hulk Hogan. It doesn't get much more American than that.
3.) I'm Proud to be an American by Lee Greenwood
Listen to that song three times and if you don't get goosebumps never speak to me again. If I was ever drafted into the military I'd be scared out of my mind, but I'd listen to that song a few times and I'd be good to go.
2.) Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue by Toby Keith
Speaking of songs that get me pumped me up. My favorite part of Country music is that they are all die hard Americans (except for the Dixie Chicks who can go fist themselves) This song basically says, "Don't mess with America because we will not hesistate to fuck you up."
1.) Team America: World Police Theme Song
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
More Movie News
As many of you know, last summer I began an epic quest to view every movie that has been nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards (The Oscars) in my lifetime. I literally turned into a movie fiend. I'd go to Blockbuster almost everyday and rent 2 movies at a time. If Blockbuster didn't have a movie on my list (Yes, I literally wrote them all down and checked each movie off after I watched it), I'd try to find it somewhere online. This forced me to watch plenty of movies with Japanese subtitles, but I didn't care because I was on a mission. To date, I've seen roughly 100 of the 120 films that have received Best Picture nominations in my lifetime.
Overall it's been a very rewarding experience, but my affection for films is truly going to be tested in the years to come. In case you haven't heard, the Academy recently came out and declared that they will now nominate 10 films each year for Best Picture, as opposed to the usual 5. Personally, I think this is a terrible idea. Now, like in everything else, the records will become tainted. Now more directors will be able to say that they've directed an Oscar nominated film and less talented actors and actresses will be able to say that they've starred in Oscar nominated films. I guess I just don't see the reason for it. Did The Dark Knight or Wall-E deserve to be nominated last year? Maybe, but they wouldn't have won either way. What good can come out of this decision? More foreign films get recognized? Who cares. More summer blockbusters get a shot at the big prize? Well, not really, because they still won't win. For example, say Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen gets nominated for 2010. Does it sound right to say that Shia LaBeouf starred in an Oscar nominated film? I know he won't get nominated for Best Actor, but still.
In some positive movie related news, a young smokeshow will drop her towel in a locker room scene in an upcoming movie.
Also, here is the trailer for a Fall comedy starring Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman, Kristin Davis, and Kristen Bell.
I think I'm most excited about the return of one of the most underrated comedy duos of our generation: Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. They were great together in the cult hit Swingers (1996) and also very good in The Break Up (2006), even though they weren't on screen together all that much. The outtakes from that movie are hysterical. There is one scene that they ad lib together that is just priceless. It takes them about 15 takes to get it right, but the ideas that they springboard off each other on the fly are something to see.
It should also be noted that Jason Bateman teamed with Vaughn and Favreau in The Break Up and that he played the comic relief role better than anyone I've ever seen in The Kingdom
(2007).
Also, not for nothing, Kristin Davis (Sex in the City) and Kristen Bell (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) will provide some nice eye candy.
Overall it's been a very rewarding experience, but my affection for films is truly going to be tested in the years to come. In case you haven't heard, the Academy recently came out and declared that they will now nominate 10 films each year for Best Picture, as opposed to the usual 5. Personally, I think this is a terrible idea. Now, like in everything else, the records will become tainted. Now more directors will be able to say that they've directed an Oscar nominated film and less talented actors and actresses will be able to say that they've starred in Oscar nominated films. I guess I just don't see the reason for it. Did The Dark Knight or Wall-E deserve to be nominated last year? Maybe, but they wouldn't have won either way. What good can come out of this decision? More foreign films get recognized? Who cares. More summer blockbusters get a shot at the big prize? Well, not really, because they still won't win. For example, say Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen gets nominated for 2010. Does it sound right to say that Shia LaBeouf starred in an Oscar nominated film? I know he won't get nominated for Best Actor, but still.
In some positive movie related news, a young smokeshow will drop her towel in a locker room scene in an upcoming movie.
Also, here is the trailer for a Fall comedy starring Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman, Kristin Davis, and Kristen Bell.
I think I'm most excited about the return of one of the most underrated comedy duos of our generation: Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. They were great together in the cult hit Swingers (1996) and also very good in The Break Up (2006), even though they weren't on screen together all that much. The outtakes from that movie are hysterical. There is one scene that they ad lib together that is just priceless. It takes them about 15 takes to get it right, but the ideas that they springboard off each other on the fly are something to see.
It should also be noted that Jason Bateman teamed with Vaughn and Favreau in The Break Up and that he played the comic relief role better than anyone I've ever seen in The Kingdom
(2007).
Also, not for nothing, Kristin Davis (Sex in the City) and Kristen Bell (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) will provide some nice eye candy.
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