You Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks

Believe it or not, about a month ago I started writing for an online women's magazine. I know, I know, it seems like I went soft, but after spending a year of my life unintentionally tormenting women with my writing, I figured it was time to give back. Actually my old news writing professor sent me the link to the job application because she thought that it was perfect for me. My job with the site was simply to write an article a week on female issues from the male perspective.

Now I knew going into this that my editor was gushing with feministic ideals simply based on the fact that she's the editor of an online women's magazine geared towards 18-25 year olds. This was definitely a cause for concern at first, but I wasn't deterred because she loved a few of my old "He Said" articles that I had included in my application for the position. (I tamed them down a bit)

Sure enough, after just a few weeks I apparently reverted back to my old ways. I must admit that I did not forsee this problem happening. I figured that I'd be able to successfully tailor my writing to a new audience (women) and help them by being honest about the male perspective.

A few days after I sent in my 4th article, tentatively titled "In Support of Gender Roles", I got an email back from my editor asking me to make severe changes to the piece or to just scrap it altogether. She was actually very cool about it, but she thought the article was rife with stereotypes and would be considered offensive by several people.

Please read the prospective article that I sent in and vote on how offensive you find it to be.


In Support of Gender Roles

Let me first state that in no way, shape, or form am I attempting to cast a negative shadow on the societal advancements that women have made in the past century. Even with all of the progress thus far there is still not equality between the sexes. Women still only make something like 70 cents on the dollar of what men in similar positions do and this is not fair. That being said, let’s not forget about all the niceties that our patriarchal system provides for women.

If true gender equality is ever reached there would be no more “Ladies first”. Men would no longer hold the car door open or lay their jackets down to prevent women from having to step in puddles (Has this ever happened in real life?). Perhaps most importantly men would no longer pay for everything on dates. Now I say all of this in jest, but there are certain areas of our societal gender roles that I would like to caution women about because they have unexpectedly begun to gray.

Working Out

Make no mistake about it. Women are athletes too. They have to lift weights just like guys do so that they have a competitive advantage over their opponents. I get that. All I’ll say is that girls that don’t partake in athletic competition should steer clear of the weight room. There’s nothing worse than seeing a girl that becomes a weight room fiend like the guy that only does curls and has a barbed wire tattoo around his biceps. Guys want to feel the need to protect you from danger. We want you to ask us to open jars for you. So please stick to your treadmills, ellipticals, and yoga.

Now I’ll admit that working out for girls must be tough because they have to walk a fine line. Guys, for superficial reasons, do prefer skinny girls, but this does not mean that girls should take working out to the extreme. A fine toned stomach is attractive. A six pack is a little intimidating.

Sports

The wide world of sports is sort of man’s escape from women. Sometimes we just want to sit on the couch, throw back a few brewskis, and watch the game with the guys. That is our quintessential idea of what it is to be masculine. Sports are our lexicon, our buffer zone. Sports are the foundation upon which many male friendships are built. I swear if you took sports out of the equation my relationship with at least three people would become obsolete. Sports give guys a chance to be guys. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t feel pressure to watch sports with your boyfriend. In all likelihood he doesn’t necessarily want you there in the first place. Go shopping, get your nails done, or better yet go get two centimeters cut from your hair and then get mad at us for not noticing. We’re fine with that.

Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with watching or going to a sporting event with your boyfriend. Sometimes he wants to show you that macho side of him or maybe you just want to be a part of his fun. That’s fine. Just don’t become overbearing when it comes to sports. Actually a fellow male writer recently wrote an article about how to sprinkle in your boyfriend’s love of sports into your relationship.

Drinking Alcohol

Everybody likes to have a good time and for many of us alcohol is a more than suitable catalyst. In college alcohol is at the heart of much of the social events and situations that undergrads particularly enjoy. All sorts of drinking games and devices help college kids imbibe egregious amounts of alcohol so that they can fraternize with the opposite sex. It’s basically a free-for-all. While sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in this parade of drunkenness, it’s important, especially for girls, to maintain a certain level of self-respect. Sure there are going to be some nights that you wish you could forget/remember. We all have those. Just don’t make it a common occurrence.

While people like and enjoy the girl that’s the life of the party, nobody in their right mind wants to date her. Quite frankly her uncontrollable desire for attention is unattractive. More often than not this sort of person needs a babysitter after a while anyway. Leave this childish and unruly behavior for your male counterparts. We don’t know any better than to make fools of ourselves.


I think it's fair to say that most of you are familiar with my past writing exploits. After reading the title to this article, didn't you expect me to bring the hammer down? Maybe I'm just desensitized to anti-feminist literature because I'm a guy, but I see nothing offensive in that article. In fact, I feel as if I went out of my way to cover my tracks after everything I said that could even be considered slightly anti-female. What pains me the most is that I think I even broke a rule of manhood by referring to females as athletes.