Happy Birthday America

As you should all know, the greatest country in the history of civilization turns 233 this Saturday. I think the Fourth of July is my favorite holiday of the year. I mean, I normally celebrate how awesome America is everyday, but it's really something to see everyone else do it as well. It doesn't get better than seeing the red, white, and blue waving everywhere while scarfing down hot dogs and hamburgers, slugging brewskis, and housing ice cream before watching a kick ass fireworks display.

I also love the Fourth of July because, at least for the past few years, we get to see a reenactment of World War II's Pacific Theater when American hero Joey Chestnut demolishes Kobayashi in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island. Everytime I watch the competition, I notice that some people only eat about 15-20 hotdogs in the alotted 10 minutes and I think to myself that I could at least devour 14 right then and there. Then I figure that if I trained for a year I'd be somewhere in the 18-22 range. Never in my right mind do I think that I can contend, but I think I can qualify.

Unfortunately this year, I won't be able to celebrate America's birthday in full force because I'll be at the office working on some baseball game. I guess baseball is pretty American, even though I don't think of it as our pastime anymore. I think it is past it's time. Football is now America's game. Either way, to get my mind off the fact that I'll be working while the rest of you are at a BBQ, I present five of my favorite America related songs.

5.) Born in the U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen



A friend of mine recently said that if he was a Major League Baseball player )or a member of my intramural softball team during my senior year of college) that this would be his walk up song everytime he came to the plate. Just listen to the first 15 seconds over and tell me that's not perfect. I think I'd like to set my alarm to wake me up everyday.

4.) I am a Real American by Rick Derringer



I literally go nuts when I hear this song. Something comes over me and I think that for three minutes and twenty-three seconds that I am in fact Hulk Hogan. It doesn't get much more American than that.

3.) I'm Proud to be an American by Lee Greenwood



Listen to that song three times and if you don't get goosebumps never speak to me again. If I was ever drafted into the military I'd be scared out of my mind, but I'd listen to that song a few times and I'd be good to go.

2.) Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue by Toby Keith



Speaking of songs that get me pumped me up. My favorite part of Country music is that they are all die hard Americans (except for the Dixie Chicks who can go fist themselves) This song basically says, "Don't mess with America because we will not hesistate to fuck you up."

1.) Team America: World Police Theme Song