Not only is football back in full swing, but so too is the fall TV season. Many of our favorite shows have unveiled their season premieres in the past week (The Emmy’s were also on Sunday) and most people can’t keep their thoughts to themselves, so I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of Facebook posts about them. Rather than annoy you with meaningless drivel in the minutes after a show airs (Who watches shows live anymore anyway? It’s called a DVR people) I’ve instead chosen to simply list my current Top 10 favorites. Not all of these shows are currently airing new episodes, but, in my opinion, they are the best of the best.
Before all of you clowns that watch 6 hours of singing competitions on a weekly basis freak out I should tell you that I did not consider reality television shows (If I did The Challenge would definitely be in the mix). In order to make my list the show not only needed to be scripted out by very talented writers, but also acted out by real life actors (my apologies to Family Guy, South Park, etc.). I also didn’t include late night shows, political programs, or hybrids of the two (my apologies to The Daily Show, Colbert Report, etc.)
10.) Episodes (Showtime)- I’m probably the only person in America that watches this show about a British couple who move to the United States to write a television show that stars Matt LeBlanc as a hockey coach. Trust me when I tell you that the dialogue is filled with sharp, biting intelligent humor. It’s honestly one of the best written shows on television and I crack up every time I watch this show, but I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone.
9.) How I Met Your Mother (CBS)- This used to be a top 3 show for me, but it’s fallen off considerably in my opinion. Episodes are very hit or miss nowadays. In fact, here’s my buddy Frank’s CNN.Com recap (please click the link) of the season premiere.
"After watching the season premiere of "How I Met Your Mother" on Monday, I realized that I'll most likely find the mother of my future children before Ted Mosby does (Vegas actually has me going off at 4-to-2 odds).
Then again, all I have to deal with is fate, chemistry, luck, mathematical probability and guys who have great abs, like Robin's new boyfriend.
Ted, on the other hand, has to deal with a show that refuses to get to the point.
Monday's season premiere, "Farhampton," picked up right where we left off - sort of. At first, everything happened in the future ... and then in the past ... and then in the future again? Honestly, I don't know. I get confused watching "Survivor."
But what I do know is that we were once again given an episode with a lot of interesting plot points that - thanks to "HIMYM" being its own spoiler alert - didn't go anywhere.
Going through last season's greatest "possibly-The-Mother" hits of Victoria, The Slutty Pumpkin, Robin and somehow Victoria again was at times as burdensome as actually talking to one's own mother (just kidding Ma, love you!). I mean, sure, it served the show's ultimate purpose, but it overshadowed some of the other intriguing occurrences.
For example, the plotline of Marshall and Lily having a baby (also known as a "greatest middle name of all time" nominee, Marvin "Waitforit" Erickson) and Barney getting engaged were all just footnotes in the search to get to The Mother of all "HIMYM" answers.
And now, at the start of a fresh season, we get an episode with more footnotes:
"Lily and Marshall are soooo tired that they're basically under-the-sea zombies! Hilarious, right?" [Don't care, get to the Mother.]
"How about Ted sitting at a train station in the future where we see a woman with a yellow umbrella who could maybe, possibly be the Mother?" [Blank stare.]
See what I mean?
The explanation Victoria's runaway groom, Klaus, gave to Ted on how Victoria is "almost the thing you want but not quite" was fitting. It was a great moment, but it's also pretty much what "HIMYM" is right now. It's "almost the thing you want but not quite."
Yet, I still hold hope that we'll find that "lifelong treasure of destiny" sooner rather than later.
8.) 30 Rock (NBC)- The best way to describe 30 Rock is occasionally wacky, but always incredibly witty. Despite having what I think is a very good memory I struggle to remember many lines as I’m walking out of a movie theater, but the writing in 30 Rock is so impressive that I routinely remember plenty of lines from each episode. Alec Baldwin, a notorious liberal, playing an uber conservative in Jack Donaghy is almost as impressive as Neil Patrick Harris, a homosexual, playing a womanizer in Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.
7.) Dexter (Showtime)- I could do without the inner monologues about “The Dark Passenger” and the visions of his dead father, but the show is still an absolute thrill to watch. There’s a new villain every season and even though you know that Dexter will end up killing him/her, it’s a 12 week suspense filled journey with twists and turns that you never expect. This villain per season formula makes it incredibly easy to distinguish specific episodes, plot lines, etc.
6.) Veep (HBO)- A situational comedy set in the second highest political office in the country? Yes, please. I almost watched all 8 episodes of Veep in one sitting (despite what you may think, I don’t have that much free time). Julia Louis-Dreyfus is incredible and the Emmy she won the other night was very well deserved. I can’t think of another actor/actress who has become synonymous with a character that they’ve played that has been able to have such success in a future endeavor. As great as she is on the show, Tony Hale (formerly Buster Bluthe in Arrested Development) might be even better.
5.) Breaking Bad (AMC)- What’s impressive about Breaking Bad is that it started as this semi-realistic story about a high school chemistry who starts cooking meth to pay for his cancer treatment, but things escalated very quickly and the show hasn’t lost any of its luster. Some plot lines are so ridiculous nowadays (the train episode), but they still have you on the edge of your seat. I also hate over 50% of the characters on the show, but I’m still hooked.
4.) Homeland (Showtime)- All you really need to know is that it swept the 3 biggest awards at the Emmy’s on Sunday Night (Best Drama Series, Best Actor/Actress in a Drama Series). Homeland is about a bipolar CIA agent who has a hunch about a military war hero. If you liked 24 you’ll love Homeland. There’s a lot of interrogations, theories, escaping from impossible situations, and the usual plot twists and episode ending cliff hangers.
3.) Modern Family (ABC)- I don’t think anything will ever live up to the first season, which is an incredible re-watch, but Modern Family continues to churn out laugh out loud moments week after week. I could do without their insistence on projecting a heartfelt family moral message at the end of every episode (this isn’t Full House), but the characters are about as indelible as they get. Phil, Manny, Cam, and Dylan (in that order) are simply hysterical.
2.) Mad Men (AMC)- I’ve written about Mad Men a lot in the past and even though this most recent season wasn’t one of the best the show is still amazing. I hate time period pieces. Give me a show/movie about the present day over a time period piece (past or future) any day of the week, but Mad Men is different. For starters, it gives kids our age a glimpse into the world that our parents grew up in. If that doesn’t at least mildly intrigue you than I can’t help you. The show is serious in that it deals with real world problems (or at least the major issues of the day in the 60’s) and isn’t looking for any laughs. It’s a drama in the best connotation of the word. It’s also smart and beautifully written. Some people find the show slow and boring, but they’re also the ones going to the movie theater to see Abraham Lincoln slay vampires and Kevin James as an MMA fighter.
1.) Parks and Recreation (NBC)- A comedy about a small (fictional) town government bureaucracy that continues to get funnier year after year. It used to be the only Thursday night comedy on NBC that I didn’t watch and now it’s my favorite show on television.
Here’s what Grantland’s Andy Greenwald had to say after last week’s season premiere:
“In programming, recapping, and basic automotive care, the squeaky wheel always gets the most attention. This is a shame, particularly so in the case of Parks and Recreation, the smoothest-running comedy on television. While all of its neighbors are lassoing headlines for being badly rated, badly in need of euthanasia, or merely being bad, Parks is in the midst of a nearly unprecedented run of excellence. Real talk: Since figuring itself out in its second season, Parks has strung together dozens of episodes of such high quality and remarkable consistency that it hearkens back to the golden age of NBC’s Thursday nights.”
Here’s a sample of a fantastic Q&A with head writer Michael Schur done by GQ:
"GQ: We were talking earlier about making sure your show has a beating heart underneath, that the characters all love each other. Do you ever have a problem where you pull back too far? Where you're like, "This is too nice. I need these people to fight a little bit more." How hard is it to find that line?
Mike Schur: Well, it is very hard, and there's no comedy without conflict. That's one of the most basic truisms of comedy. The way our show has chosen to find that conflict is often by external threats—in other words, the core group of people are usually on the same team, and they're dealing with outside opposition. So instead of doing a bunch of stories where Tom and April hate each other, we do a story where April is running a pet adoption, and she hates the people who are not adopting the pets because she sunk a lot of work into the pet adoption and no one is showing up, and she gets really angry at the town, and then Tom shows up at her house and says, "Hey, you worked really hard, and that one little girl who adopted a puppy is really happy, and you should be happy about that."
Now, occasionally, for obvious reasons, you have to have your main characters in opposition to each other. Otherwise it gets really boring. I mean, Ron and Leslie, for example, have completely opposing worldviews. Ron is like a 19th-century libertarian who thinks that everyone should leave everyone else alone in all matters, and the government should be one guy sitting in a room, and his only power is he gets to decide who to nuke. That's his idea of perfect government. And obviously Leslie is an incredibly progressive person who believes that the government is the very fabric of a society and that it can do all these amazing things to help its citizens. So they come into conflict all the time, and we try to show in that relationship that as friends, as humans, they have a great deal of respect for each other, and they see the best in each other. Ron admires Leslie's work ethic, and Leslie admires Ron's integrity, so that even when they're fighting, you know that they still care about each other. There are ways to create conflict that aren't just, "These two people hate each other for this 30-minute show."
Week 4 NFL Picks
Browns +12 at Ravens
Patriots -4 at Bills
Vikings pick ‘em at Lions
at Falcons -7.5 vs. Panthers
49ers -4 at Jets
at Chiefs pick ‘em vs. Chargers
Titans +12 at Texans
at Rams +3 vs. Seahawks
at Cardinals -6.5 vs. Dolphins
at Broncos -6.5 vs. Raiders
at Jaguars +2.5 vs. Bengals
at Packers -7.5 vs. Saints
Redskins +3 at Bucs
Giants +2 at Eagles
Bears +3.5 at Cowboys
Last week- 6-9-1
Season- 21-25-2
Showing posts with label How I Met Your Mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label How I Met Your Mother. Show all posts
Friday, September 28, 2012
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The New Verbiage
The following comes mostly from an article on one of my favorite shows on TV: How I Met Your Mother (Mondays at 8pm on CBS). I have interspersed my own comments in italics throughout.
How I Met Your Mother: The New Verbiage
There have been a lot of great television shows over the years, but how many have made greater contributions beyond sheer entertainment? And we're not talking about educating people about AIDS or teen pregnancy or anything like that; we're talking about contributing to the English language. Not since Seinfeld introduced us to "close talkers" and "the manssiere" has a show taught us more catchphrases and terminology than How I Met Your Mother.
Even when they're merely using an existing word in a new way -- or just a funnier way -- it feels like the show is teaching us new ways to talk, and, by extension, to live. Here are just a few ways HIMYM has upgraded our personal lexicons.
As far as Seinfeld terms and phrases go I'd also add "you are soooo good looking" and "you think you're better than me? It's go time", along with many, many others.
Reachers and Settlers
In every relationship, there is a Reacher and a Settler. The Reacher is the one who has landed a mate who is in the upper end of their acquirability range, possibly even out of their league. The Settler is the one who has chosen someone in the lower end of their range, knowing full well that they could do better but choosing to go with a lesser catch. Because the Reacher knows that their grasp is tenuous, they are frequently jealous of other potential suitors, while the Settler tends to not be jealous, knowing that the Reacher is unlikely to find anyone better. Supposedly, Marshall is the Reacher in his relationship with Lily, although Lily's violent jealousy confuses the matter somewhat. (Note: If you are in a relationship, it is not wise to discuss who is the Reacher and who is the Settler. That way leads to hurt feelings.)
I've always referred to this phenomenon as "overachievers and underachievers", but this works too. In college I knew a girl that was a classic underachiever/settler. She was smokin' hot, but somehow always hooked up with kids that weren't even close to being on her level. I don't know if it was a confidence issue or what, but it was baddd.
Also, not that I'm in the life lesson giving business, but I don't think that people should ever settle.
On the Hook
When one attempts to steer a potential romantic conquest back to one's apartment, one uses "bait." That bait may be a record collection (Ted), a rap poster (Marshall), a slot machine, a trampoline or a teacup pig (all Barney), but whatever it is, it is designed to lure the object of desire and perhaps get them "on the hook," i.e. romantically interested. However, if someone is on the hook and their romantic feelings are not reciprocated, the "hookee" is doomed to stay on the hook until the "hooker" either reels them in (initiates a relationship), or throws them back in the water (spells out their lack of interest). To keep the hookee on the hook, perhaps as a "safety," the hooker will often say they can't be a couple "right now," implying a future in which them being together is a possibility.
Having someone on your hook is akin to leading them on and I think we can all relate to that. Either we've led someone on (perhaps unintentionally) or we've been led on ourselves. I mean, it's nice to know that you have options, but stringing someone along is cruel.
PS- I can't blame Ted for being on Carrie Underwood's hook. She's in my top 5 of current celebrity crushes along with Lea Michele, Natalie Portman, Lizzy Caplan, and Zooey Deschanel.
New Relationship Syndrome
Also called "New Relationship Smugness," this is the pattern of behavior demonstrated by new couples who think that they have relationships figured out because they live in a world free of conflict. Upon witnessing a couple that argues or disagrees with each other in any way, they immediately assume that that relationship is "in trouble" and try to fix it. Barney and Robin felt that way when they heard about Marshall and Lily's differing dishwashing philosophies, but then, we all know how long their relationship lasted, don't we?
The Mosby
So say there's someone who's interested in you, but you're not interested in them? Marshall has a surefire way to get them to back off, quick. It's called "The Mosby," named for Ted Mosby, who, on his first date with Robin, declared his love for her, thereby causing Robin to slow things down immediately. The two wouldn't date again for the rest of the season. So when Robin needed a way to let a smitten Barney down easily, all she had to do was tell him she loved him, and he immediately lost interest. Mosbied! Granted, that would probably only work on Barney, who typically sees declarations of affection (even his own) as a sign of weakness.
Yeah, no chance this would work in real life. Maybe I should have gone with, "Ted Mosby: Architect", but then I would've gotten into "The Playbook", etc.
Doppelganger
The MacLaren's gang has so far spotted doppelgangers for three out of five of its members. Robin's doppelganger is a short-haired lesbian seen walking in the street with a softball glove. Marshall's is a mustachioed Spanish-language lawyer named "Senor Justicia" who advertises on the sides of buses. And Lily's double is a stripper of Eastern European extraction named Jasmine. We expect to see the other two in due time.
Not only is doppelganger an awesome word because sounds like it's poop related, but it's actually very appropriate because it's another term for a look-a-like.
It's probably because I have a very keen eye (I got new glasses last week), but I've seen plenty of doppelgangers in my day. For example, there was a freshman that used to play basketball at the Rec Plex when I was a senior in college that looked exactly like one of my roommates. For a few months a bunch of us tried to arrange a meeting, but it always fell through. To be honest I feared that worlds might collide if the two were ever in the same room together, but plans for a meeting persisted. Finally the two met, thought that they were looking into a mirror, and about 33764763 pictures (actually more like 3) were taken, but for some reason I can't find any of them.
I would be remiss if I didn't include this picture of my friends and a kid (in the middle) that they seem to think looks like my long lost twin brother.
Front Porch Test
Whenever Ted's been dating a girl for a while, Lily subjects her to the Front Porch Test, in which Lily imagines herself, Marshall, Ted and the girl sitting on the porch of their beach house in their 70s. If Lily can't see it happening, she does what she has to do to split Ted and the girl up. After manipulating Ted to dump a string of girls in college, Lily planted an earring in Ted's bed to get Karen to dump him, then admitted to having kinda-sorta encouraged Ted and Robin to have the talk that led to them breaking up.
I think a lot of people do things like this when thinking about their boyfriend/girlfriend. The Front Porch Test is obviously a long term one, but I think there are plenty of "tests" that a potential mate has to pass. The Family Dinner Test, The Night Out with the Highschool Friends Test, The Concert/Sporting Event Test, etc.
Murtaugh List
Everybody knows what a bucket list is -- it's the list of things you want to do before you die. A Murtaugh list is the exact opposite -- it's a list of things you have to stop doing, right now, before you die. Named after Sgt. Roger Murtaugh of the Lethal Weapon franchise, these are the things that make you say, "I'm too old for this shit/stuff." Ted's Murtaugh list includes doing an all-nighter, going to a rave, sleeping on a futon, piercing your own ear and TP'ing a laser tag establishment, a list that Barney actually makes it nearly all the way through in 24 hours, although he comes out a little worse for the wear.
My Murtaugh list:
sleeping on the floor
funneling brews
smoking weed
video games
"Reading a Magazine"
Marshall has a problem. He doesn't like... "reading a magazine" with other people around. No big deal, it happens to all of us. But he really doesn't like it. In fact, he would rather go all the way to his and Ted's old apartment to "read a magazine" than use his office bathroom. Because everyone he works with can see him bringing the magazine in there, and they know what he's going to do: He's gonna take a crap. (No, Barney, he's not going to masturbate.) Luckily, Marshall got over it, and eventually learned to "read a magazine" with pride. Hopefully, the magazines have stopped speaking to him, too. No, not "magazines." Just regular magazines. That would be gross.
I'll be honest, for the majority of the episode I, like Barney, thought that "reading a magazine" meant masturbating. Pooping in public is a concern for many people though. I, a proud pooper, am even a bit hesitant when it comes to unleashing the fury at work. Turning a communal bathroom into a fume filled hazardous zone simply isn't fun for anybody. While I appreciate the show's handling of this issue, I don't think the term "reading a magazine" is applicable in real life.
On a related note, I was actually thinking the other day that girls are much smarter than guys when it comes to contributing to the flush fund. They take forever in the bathroom regardles of whether it's a one or a two on the agenda. Lord only knows what they're doing, but their indeterminant time spent in the bathroom serves as great cover when they actually have to pinch a loaf.
Guys, on the other hand, are much different. Whenever a guy has to pee he is all business. He drains the dragon, washes his hands, and exits right away. Staying in a male bathroom for an iota longer than they have to is unheard of for a guy. Maybe it's that we're competitive and feel like everything's a race or maybe it's that we're afraid of a girl thinking that we're plopping down in there.
The Naked Man
When a man is on a first date, he can tell whether or not there will be a second date, based on how attractive the woman is, how attractive he is and what sort of chemistry exists. Now, if a man finds himself in a losing situation, he can do two things: he can accept it, see the date to its conclusion, say good-bye and never see that woman again, or he can go for it. All or nothing. Cards on the table. One of Robin's dates chooses the latter. He chooses the Naked Man. When Robin is out of the room, he takes off all of his clothes and presents himself to her upon her return. There are a variety of poses to choose from (the Thinker, the Heisman, the Captain Morgan), and it supposedly works two out of three times. When it works on Robin, the rest of the MacLaren gang decide to try it out. Ted uses it successfully on a girl he doesn't want to take things further with, Lily pulls a Naked Woman on Marshall and ends an argument, and Barney... is thrown out of his disgusted date's apartment without his clothes, wallet or cell phone. Two out of three times, every time.
Now let me just say that this takes some serious kahunas to even attempt (pun, although terrible, intended). I also don't think it would work 2 out of 3 times. I'd go more with 1 out of 20.
I think the real question here, though, is what pose to present your Naked Man in. They offered some great suggestions in the episode and I'm still not sure which one I'd go with (probably because there's no way I'd ever even consider doing this).
Woo Girl
When Lily agreed to go out with a co-worker of hers and get a drink at a cowgirl bar, she had no idea that the woman was a Woo Girl -- that is, a woman who, when excited about something, raises her hand (or hands) or drink (or drinks) above her head and yells "Woooo!" They can be excited about pretty much anything -- it doesn't need to be particularly important, or even something anyone should be proud of. Woo Girls usually travel in packs, and "woo" in unison. Lily is further shocked when she finds out that Robin is also a Woo Girl, and finds herself being left out of Woo Girl gatherings. Lily then tries to be a Woo Girl, too, but Robin points out that she does not "Woo."
This term is incredibly accurate. Not to get deep on you, but "Woo Girl" is a sugar-coated way of saying immature. A lot of high school and college girls "Woo", but at some point they all realize that they have to grow up and become adults.
Suit Up!
If Barney were to give only one piece of advice -- and this is pure speculation, because the man gives advice about everything, whether it's asked for or not -- it would be to get a suit. Suits make you look cool and responsible, and that's why Barney always asks Ted to "Suit up!" before they go out to a bar. Unfortunately, Ted rarely listens, and when he does it's usually just a blazer, which is not a suit. The phrase can also be modified to describe the specific suit needed for a given event, as in "Snowsuit up!" (used when Barney was building the aforementioned igloo), "Flightsuit up!" (when Barney needed a wingman for his Top Gun Halloween costume) and "Penguin suit up!" (another Barney Halloween costume; he goes through about three a night).
This was one of the first terms that the show introduced and it's probably the one that fans of the show use most often. Whenever I wear a suit (which is maybe once a year) I make about 3-4 comments that are "Suit Up!" related. In fact, if I as much as saw a friend wearing a suit I would probably say something to the effect of, "Nice to see that you suited up."
Lawyered!
Marshall was often left out of the single-guy adventures of Ted and Barney -- not just because he was lucky enough to hook up with Lily in his freshman year at college and hang onto her for over nine years, but because he was studying to be a lawyer, which required a lot of late nights, heavy books and long research papers. However, his finely honed analytic mind gives him an advantage over the others, allowing him to see gaps in logic and to solve mysteries beyond the ken of an architect and... whatever it is that Barney does. Hence the rise of Marshall's lone catchphrase, "Lawyered!" While not as ubiquitous as "Suit up," he did put it to great use in proving that prostitution was not, in fact, the world's oldest profession. (It was fishing -- after all, where did cavemen get the fish to pay the prostitutes with?)
This is undoubtedly the best phrase that the show has created. By making the word lawyer a verb (unless it already was, I don't know these things) the show's writers have given Marshall the equivalent of a wrestler's finishing move. Whenever he knows that he has won an argument, legal or otherwise, he drops this phrase on the person he was arguing with and it's over. This is a great term to use among friends, but it's probably 87827353 times better if whoever uses it is actually a lawyer.
General Knowledge!
Technically an inside-joke between Ted and Robin, the use of common, everyday phrases as humorous military titles is not new. For examples, see The Simpsons' "Corporal Punishment," South Park's General Disarray," and Spaceballs' "Major A**hole." But Ted and Robin's penchant for spotting these kinds of phrases in conversations, repeating them in unison and then saluting ("General Knowledge!" "Major Buzzkill!") is exactly the kind of cute, couple-y behavior that friends would start to find aggravating after a while, which is what makes the whole conceit so believable. And while we would never repeat these phrases ourselves -- or, God forbid, salute them -- we can't help but smile every time we hear one spoken aloud, as we think of the adorable Ted and Robin, and how much we want to slap them.
I actually thought this was pretty funny and I think I would definitely laugh if I saw someone do it in real life.
Here are some examples that I thought of off the top of my head.
Major headache
Private matter
General vicinity
Lieutenant Governor
Major organs
Private quarters
The Hot/Crazy Scale
Perhaps Barney's most scientific contribution to the world of dating, the Hot/Crazy Scale is a handy chart indicating how hot a woman has to be in order to make her craziness tolerable in a relationship. As long as the woman isn't crazier than she is hot, she should fall just north of the Vicki Mendoza Diagonal, named for an ex of Barney's who would increase in hotness (losing ten pounds, getting a boob job) even as she increased in crazy (shaving her head, stabbing Barney with a fork). But beware -- if the scales start to tip in the favor of crazy, the woman can fall inside the Shelley Gillespie Zone, named for yet another of Barney's exes, who gained 20 pounds and tried to kill him with a brick. Was she crazy? Or did she just know about Barney's chart? Our money's on the latter.
Gotta love the reference to the Mendoza line, which for you non sports fans is a baseball term for hitting above or below .200.
And from Monday night's episode.....
Drunk or kid?
This term/game is currently sweeping the nation. The idea here is to guess whether someone was drunk or a kid when they did something ridiculous or when something ridiculous happened to them. For example, after Marshall says that he once dropped some bottle rockets in the toilet and then tried to dry them off in the microwave, Robin says that he must have been drunk off of his ass. Barney, however, thinks the act was too stupid for a adult to do, so he suggests that Marshall was a kid when it happened. Well, as it turned out, he was drunk.
How I Met Your Mother: The New Verbiage
There have been a lot of great television shows over the years, but how many have made greater contributions beyond sheer entertainment? And we're not talking about educating people about AIDS or teen pregnancy or anything like that; we're talking about contributing to the English language. Not since Seinfeld introduced us to "close talkers" and "the manssiere" has a show taught us more catchphrases and terminology than How I Met Your Mother.
Even when they're merely using an existing word in a new way -- or just a funnier way -- it feels like the show is teaching us new ways to talk, and, by extension, to live. Here are just a few ways HIMYM has upgraded our personal lexicons.
As far as Seinfeld terms and phrases go I'd also add "you are soooo good looking" and "you think you're better than me? It's go time", along with many, many others.
Reachers and Settlers
In every relationship, there is a Reacher and a Settler. The Reacher is the one who has landed a mate who is in the upper end of their acquirability range, possibly even out of their league. The Settler is the one who has chosen someone in the lower end of their range, knowing full well that they could do better but choosing to go with a lesser catch. Because the Reacher knows that their grasp is tenuous, they are frequently jealous of other potential suitors, while the Settler tends to not be jealous, knowing that the Reacher is unlikely to find anyone better. Supposedly, Marshall is the Reacher in his relationship with Lily, although Lily's violent jealousy confuses the matter somewhat. (Note: If you are in a relationship, it is not wise to discuss who is the Reacher and who is the Settler. That way leads to hurt feelings.)
I've always referred to this phenomenon as "overachievers and underachievers", but this works too. In college I knew a girl that was a classic underachiever/settler. She was smokin' hot, but somehow always hooked up with kids that weren't even close to being on her level. I don't know if it was a confidence issue or what, but it was baddd.
Also, not that I'm in the life lesson giving business, but I don't think that people should ever settle.
On the Hook
When one attempts to steer a potential romantic conquest back to one's apartment, one uses "bait." That bait may be a record collection (Ted), a rap poster (Marshall), a slot machine, a trampoline or a teacup pig (all Barney), but whatever it is, it is designed to lure the object of desire and perhaps get them "on the hook," i.e. romantically interested. However, if someone is on the hook and their romantic feelings are not reciprocated, the "hookee" is doomed to stay on the hook until the "hooker" either reels them in (initiates a relationship), or throws them back in the water (spells out their lack of interest). To keep the hookee on the hook, perhaps as a "safety," the hooker will often say they can't be a couple "right now," implying a future in which them being together is a possibility.
Having someone on your hook is akin to leading them on and I think we can all relate to that. Either we've led someone on (perhaps unintentionally) or we've been led on ourselves. I mean, it's nice to know that you have options, but stringing someone along is cruel.
PS- I can't blame Ted for being on Carrie Underwood's hook. She's in my top 5 of current celebrity crushes along with Lea Michele, Natalie Portman, Lizzy Caplan, and Zooey Deschanel.
New Relationship Syndrome
Also called "New Relationship Smugness," this is the pattern of behavior demonstrated by new couples who think that they have relationships figured out because they live in a world free of conflict. Upon witnessing a couple that argues or disagrees with each other in any way, they immediately assume that that relationship is "in trouble" and try to fix it. Barney and Robin felt that way when they heard about Marshall and Lily's differing dishwashing philosophies, but then, we all know how long their relationship lasted, don't we?
The Mosby
So say there's someone who's interested in you, but you're not interested in them? Marshall has a surefire way to get them to back off, quick. It's called "The Mosby," named for Ted Mosby, who, on his first date with Robin, declared his love for her, thereby causing Robin to slow things down immediately. The two wouldn't date again for the rest of the season. So when Robin needed a way to let a smitten Barney down easily, all she had to do was tell him she loved him, and he immediately lost interest. Mosbied! Granted, that would probably only work on Barney, who typically sees declarations of affection (even his own) as a sign of weakness.
Yeah, no chance this would work in real life. Maybe I should have gone with, "Ted Mosby: Architect", but then I would've gotten into "The Playbook", etc.
Doppelganger
The MacLaren's gang has so far spotted doppelgangers for three out of five of its members. Robin's doppelganger is a short-haired lesbian seen walking in the street with a softball glove. Marshall's is a mustachioed Spanish-language lawyer named "Senor Justicia" who advertises on the sides of buses. And Lily's double is a stripper of Eastern European extraction named Jasmine. We expect to see the other two in due time.
Not only is doppelganger an awesome word because sounds like it's poop related, but it's actually very appropriate because it's another term for a look-a-like.
It's probably because I have a very keen eye (I got new glasses last week), but I've seen plenty of doppelgangers in my day. For example, there was a freshman that used to play basketball at the Rec Plex when I was a senior in college that looked exactly like one of my roommates. For a few months a bunch of us tried to arrange a meeting, but it always fell through. To be honest I feared that worlds might collide if the two were ever in the same room together, but plans for a meeting persisted. Finally the two met, thought that they were looking into a mirror, and about 33764763 pictures (actually more like 3) were taken, but for some reason I can't find any of them.
I would be remiss if I didn't include this picture of my friends and a kid (in the middle) that they seem to think looks like my long lost twin brother.
Front Porch Test
Whenever Ted's been dating a girl for a while, Lily subjects her to the Front Porch Test, in which Lily imagines herself, Marshall, Ted and the girl sitting on the porch of their beach house in their 70s. If Lily can't see it happening, she does what she has to do to split Ted and the girl up. After manipulating Ted to dump a string of girls in college, Lily planted an earring in Ted's bed to get Karen to dump him, then admitted to having kinda-sorta encouraged Ted and Robin to have the talk that led to them breaking up.
I think a lot of people do things like this when thinking about their boyfriend/girlfriend. The Front Porch Test is obviously a long term one, but I think there are plenty of "tests" that a potential mate has to pass. The Family Dinner Test, The Night Out with the Highschool Friends Test, The Concert/Sporting Event Test, etc.
Murtaugh List
Everybody knows what a bucket list is -- it's the list of things you want to do before you die. A Murtaugh list is the exact opposite -- it's a list of things you have to stop doing, right now, before you die. Named after Sgt. Roger Murtaugh of the Lethal Weapon franchise, these are the things that make you say, "I'm too old for this shit/stuff." Ted's Murtaugh list includes doing an all-nighter, going to a rave, sleeping on a futon, piercing your own ear and TP'ing a laser tag establishment, a list that Barney actually makes it nearly all the way through in 24 hours, although he comes out a little worse for the wear.
My Murtaugh list:
sleeping on the floor
funneling brews
smoking weed
video games
"Reading a Magazine"
Marshall has a problem. He doesn't like... "reading a magazine" with other people around. No big deal, it happens to all of us. But he really doesn't like it. In fact, he would rather go all the way to his and Ted's old apartment to "read a magazine" than use his office bathroom. Because everyone he works with can see him bringing the magazine in there, and they know what he's going to do: He's gonna take a crap. (No, Barney, he's not going to masturbate.) Luckily, Marshall got over it, and eventually learned to "read a magazine" with pride. Hopefully, the magazines have stopped speaking to him, too. No, not "magazines." Just regular magazines. That would be gross.
I'll be honest, for the majority of the episode I, like Barney, thought that "reading a magazine" meant masturbating. Pooping in public is a concern for many people though. I, a proud pooper, am even a bit hesitant when it comes to unleashing the fury at work. Turning a communal bathroom into a fume filled hazardous zone simply isn't fun for anybody. While I appreciate the show's handling of this issue, I don't think the term "reading a magazine" is applicable in real life.
On a related note, I was actually thinking the other day that girls are much smarter than guys when it comes to contributing to the flush fund. They take forever in the bathroom regardles of whether it's a one or a two on the agenda. Lord only knows what they're doing, but their indeterminant time spent in the bathroom serves as great cover when they actually have to pinch a loaf.
Guys, on the other hand, are much different. Whenever a guy has to pee he is all business. He drains the dragon, washes his hands, and exits right away. Staying in a male bathroom for an iota longer than they have to is unheard of for a guy. Maybe it's that we're competitive and feel like everything's a race or maybe it's that we're afraid of a girl thinking that we're plopping down in there.
The Naked Man
When a man is on a first date, he can tell whether or not there will be a second date, based on how attractive the woman is, how attractive he is and what sort of chemistry exists. Now, if a man finds himself in a losing situation, he can do two things: he can accept it, see the date to its conclusion, say good-bye and never see that woman again, or he can go for it. All or nothing. Cards on the table. One of Robin's dates chooses the latter. He chooses the Naked Man. When Robin is out of the room, he takes off all of his clothes and presents himself to her upon her return. There are a variety of poses to choose from (the Thinker, the Heisman, the Captain Morgan), and it supposedly works two out of three times. When it works on Robin, the rest of the MacLaren gang decide to try it out. Ted uses it successfully on a girl he doesn't want to take things further with, Lily pulls a Naked Woman on Marshall and ends an argument, and Barney... is thrown out of his disgusted date's apartment without his clothes, wallet or cell phone. Two out of three times, every time.
Now let me just say that this takes some serious kahunas to even attempt (pun, although terrible, intended). I also don't think it would work 2 out of 3 times. I'd go more with 1 out of 20.
I think the real question here, though, is what pose to present your Naked Man in. They offered some great suggestions in the episode and I'm still not sure which one I'd go with (probably because there's no way I'd ever even consider doing this).
Woo Girl
When Lily agreed to go out with a co-worker of hers and get a drink at a cowgirl bar, she had no idea that the woman was a Woo Girl -- that is, a woman who, when excited about something, raises her hand (or hands) or drink (or drinks) above her head and yells "Woooo!" They can be excited about pretty much anything -- it doesn't need to be particularly important, or even something anyone should be proud of. Woo Girls usually travel in packs, and "woo" in unison. Lily is further shocked when she finds out that Robin is also a Woo Girl, and finds herself being left out of Woo Girl gatherings. Lily then tries to be a Woo Girl, too, but Robin points out that she does not "Woo."
This term is incredibly accurate. Not to get deep on you, but "Woo Girl" is a sugar-coated way of saying immature. A lot of high school and college girls "Woo", but at some point they all realize that they have to grow up and become adults.
Suit Up!
If Barney were to give only one piece of advice -- and this is pure speculation, because the man gives advice about everything, whether it's asked for or not -- it would be to get a suit. Suits make you look cool and responsible, and that's why Barney always asks Ted to "Suit up!" before they go out to a bar. Unfortunately, Ted rarely listens, and when he does it's usually just a blazer, which is not a suit. The phrase can also be modified to describe the specific suit needed for a given event, as in "Snowsuit up!" (used when Barney was building the aforementioned igloo), "Flightsuit up!" (when Barney needed a wingman for his Top Gun Halloween costume) and "Penguin suit up!" (another Barney Halloween costume; he goes through about three a night).
This was one of the first terms that the show introduced and it's probably the one that fans of the show use most often. Whenever I wear a suit (which is maybe once a year) I make about 3-4 comments that are "Suit Up!" related. In fact, if I as much as saw a friend wearing a suit I would probably say something to the effect of, "Nice to see that you suited up."
Lawyered!
Marshall was often left out of the single-guy adventures of Ted and Barney -- not just because he was lucky enough to hook up with Lily in his freshman year at college and hang onto her for over nine years, but because he was studying to be a lawyer, which required a lot of late nights, heavy books and long research papers. However, his finely honed analytic mind gives him an advantage over the others, allowing him to see gaps in logic and to solve mysteries beyond the ken of an architect and... whatever it is that Barney does. Hence the rise of Marshall's lone catchphrase, "Lawyered!" While not as ubiquitous as "Suit up," he did put it to great use in proving that prostitution was not, in fact, the world's oldest profession. (It was fishing -- after all, where did cavemen get the fish to pay the prostitutes with?)
This is undoubtedly the best phrase that the show has created. By making the word lawyer a verb (unless it already was, I don't know these things) the show's writers have given Marshall the equivalent of a wrestler's finishing move. Whenever he knows that he has won an argument, legal or otherwise, he drops this phrase on the person he was arguing with and it's over. This is a great term to use among friends, but it's probably 87827353 times better if whoever uses it is actually a lawyer.
General Knowledge!
Technically an inside-joke between Ted and Robin, the use of common, everyday phrases as humorous military titles is not new. For examples, see The Simpsons' "Corporal Punishment," South Park's General Disarray," and Spaceballs' "Major A**hole." But Ted and Robin's penchant for spotting these kinds of phrases in conversations, repeating them in unison and then saluting ("General Knowledge!" "Major Buzzkill!") is exactly the kind of cute, couple-y behavior that friends would start to find aggravating after a while, which is what makes the whole conceit so believable. And while we would never repeat these phrases ourselves -- or, God forbid, salute them -- we can't help but smile every time we hear one spoken aloud, as we think of the adorable Ted and Robin, and how much we want to slap them.
I actually thought this was pretty funny and I think I would definitely laugh if I saw someone do it in real life.
Here are some examples that I thought of off the top of my head.
Major headache
Private matter
General vicinity
Lieutenant Governor
Major organs
Private quarters
The Hot/Crazy Scale
Perhaps Barney's most scientific contribution to the world of dating, the Hot/Crazy Scale is a handy chart indicating how hot a woman has to be in order to make her craziness tolerable in a relationship. As long as the woman isn't crazier than she is hot, she should fall just north of the Vicki Mendoza Diagonal, named for an ex of Barney's who would increase in hotness (losing ten pounds, getting a boob job) even as she increased in crazy (shaving her head, stabbing Barney with a fork). But beware -- if the scales start to tip in the favor of crazy, the woman can fall inside the Shelley Gillespie Zone, named for yet another of Barney's exes, who gained 20 pounds and tried to kill him with a brick. Was she crazy? Or did she just know about Barney's chart? Our money's on the latter.
Gotta love the reference to the Mendoza line, which for you non sports fans is a baseball term for hitting above or below .200.
And from Monday night's episode.....
Drunk or kid?
This term/game is currently sweeping the nation. The idea here is to guess whether someone was drunk or a kid when they did something ridiculous or when something ridiculous happened to them. For example, after Marshall says that he once dropped some bottle rockets in the toilet and then tried to dry them off in the microwave, Robin says that he must have been drunk off of his ass. Barney, however, thinks the act was too stupid for a adult to do, so he suggests that Marshall was a kid when it happened. Well, as it turned out, he was drunk.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Commercial Appeal
Like most people, I'm no fan of commercials. I mean, most fail to resonate with the viewer in any way (good or bad) and are just accepted for their intended purpose. Some, however, are just unbearably irritating for a multitude of reasons. Others appear witty and creative at first, but soon become bothersome upon multiple views (think of that recent Taco Bell ad where a man requests to order from the same girl, who's a smokehouse by the way, in order to ensure that he get's the same price). And every now and again a genuinely enjoyable commercial repeatedly airs and you don't mind watching it.
Which brings us to my favorite and least favorite current commercials. I would also like to point out that I searched the internet high and low and could not find either commercial online, but if you watch television at all I'm sure that you have seen these two ads.
I never thought I'd see the day, but my favorite current commercial is for McDonald's. In the ad a man awakens and as he walks to McDonald's various people attempt to interact with him, but he disregards them all by saying something to the effect of, "I haven't had my coffee yet," or "Not until I have my coffee." Don't ask me why, but I think it's hysterical. Now, I don't think I've ever had or will ever have coffee from McDonald's (I'm a Dunkin' Donuts guy), but the commercial, in my opinion, is an overwhelming success.
My least favorite commercial by far is the Jared Galleria of Jewelry ad that depicts two women in a house. Woman #1 is working on a crossword puzzle and asks Woman #2 what a 13 letter word for marriage proposal is. Woman #2 looks stumped, so Woman #1 says, "He went to Jared," as she shows her engagement ring. This commercial is so horrendous that it makes me want to vomit. Everytime it's on I quickly change the channel so that my eyes and ears don't have to put up with the piercing pain of annoyance that the ad evokes.
I obviously watch a lot of television, but in the past year and a half I've significantly decreased the number of commercials that I view (although based on the past few paragraphs I clearly still see plenty). Because my profession requires me to work primarily at night I am reliant on my DVR (which I love) to record all of the shows that I would normally watch if I were at home.
Sure most shows can be found online, especially the day after they air, but to me DVR is a godsend (should this word be capitalized?). Seriously, can you think of a greater invention in the last 15 years? Not only does it allow you to watch your favorite shows at your own convenience, but it also allows you to fastforward through the commercials.
My TV viewing habits have gotten to the point where I'll avoid watching a show during it's regularly scheduled air time, just so I can watch it later without having to sit through the commercials. I also sometimes start watching an hour long show that I'm recording about 20-30 minutes in and I end up avoiding almost, if not all of the commercial breaks.
But which shows do I record, you ask?
Well here are the shows that I have set up a series recording for on my DVR:
1.) Jeopardy! (CBS M-F 7PM)- Not only do I record the best game show on TV, but I write down how many questions/answers I get right as well as what the Final Jeopardy question/answer is (an excel spreadsheet is in the works). What can I say? One of my goals in life is to be on the show someday. I'd also like to be a contestant when Alex Trebek is still hosting and the clock is certainly ticking.
2.) The Daily Show (Comedy Central M-T 11PM)- Jon Stewart, although he admittedly leans liberal, is a terrific interviewer. Stewart's correspondents (dubbed The Best Fucking News Team Ever), especially John Oliver and Jason Jones, add plenty of humor to the show.
3.) The Colbert Report (Comedy Central M-T 11:30PM)- Colbert is the sharpest, quickest-witted television host going. His improv skills are the most apparent during interviews, in which he routinely dominates his guests. His fame is currently at an all time high now that he's been on the cover of Sports Illustrated and won a Grammy in the past two months.
4.) How I Met Your Mother (CBS Mondays 8PM)- It's a little strange to see Neil Patrick Harris, a homosexual, so effectively pull off his alpha male character Barney Stinson, but his humor drives the show. Well, that and Jason Segel, who can't not be funny.
5.) The Big Bang Theory (CBS Mondays 9:30pm)- If you watched this show once you'd probably never watch it again. I used to watch it because it was on right before How I Met Your Mother and now it's debatable as to which show is funnier.
6.) 24 (FOX Mondays 9PM)- 24 is great because (aside from Bauer being a badass) you can start watching at the beginning of each season and you won't miss a beat. For example, I've seen Seasons 1,2,7, and now the first few episodes of Season 8. This show is so entertaining that so far they've made Freddie Prinze, Jr. a likable character.
7.) Lie to Me (FOX Wednesdays 9PM)- I gave this show a shot back when it first premiered and I still feel that it's worth watching, but it's not a show that I really look forward to. In fact, sometimes I choose not to record an episode if I see a preview commercial and don't like the proposed storyline.
8.) Damages (FX Mondays 10PM)- I think I watch this lawyer drama mainly to figure out if Rose Byrne is hot or not.
9.) Glee (FOX Tuesdays 9PM)- When I first saw previews for this show I assumed that I would never watch it because it seemed a little feminine with all the singing, etc. That was until my friend Kate talked me into watching it and I discovered that it's actually quite funny. Also, I'm officially in love with Lea Michele who plays Rachel on the show.
10.) Modern Family (ABC Wednesdays 8PM)- I'm not sure what the target demographic is for this comedy, but I think it appeals to anyone from the ages 15-65. Like it's name suggests, the show deals with modern family issues (interracial, homosexuality, raising kids in the technological era) in a light-hearted sense.
11.) Top Chef (Bravo Wednesdays 10PM)- I only understand about 2% of the culinary lingo, but for some reason I find this show to be incredibly entertaining. I'm convinced that whoever does the casting is an absolute genius because I routinely like and dislike an equal number of the cheftestants. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that Padma Lakshmi is the host?
12.) The Office (NBC Thursdays 9PM)- I don't know anyone that doesn't watch this show. Or at least I don't know anyone that's watched more than a few episodes and not liked it. In my opinion, it's reached Seinfeld/Friends status in that people generally accept that it's a great show.
13.) 30 Rock (NBC Thursdays 9:30PM)- 30 Rock is definitely deserving of all of those Emmy's that it has won. It is hands down the best written comedic show on television. Case in point, one of my all time favorite television lines came from a Season 3 episode:
Tracy: You like Phil Collins, right?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
14.) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX Thursdays 10PM)- Just an absolutely, ridiculous show. I find the episodes to be hit or miss, but when they hit it's virtually non stop laughter for 30 minutes.
15.) Mad Men (AMC Sundays 10PM)- This period drama is simply fascinating. I started watching from the get go and it's been picking up steam ever since.
If you've seen all of Season 3 then check out this excerpt from Malcolm Gladwell's most recent book "What the Dog Saw":
Herzog worked at a small advertising agency called Jack Tinker & Partners, and people who were in the business in those days speak of Tinker the way baseball fans talk about the 1927 Yankees. Tinker was the brainchild of the legendary adman Marion Harper, who came to believe that the agency he was running, McCann-Erickson, was too big and unwieldy to be able to consider things properly. His solution was to pluck a handful of the very best and brightest from McCann and set them up, first in the Waldorf Towers (in the suite directly below the Duke and Duchess of Windsor's and directly above General Douglas MacArthur's) and then, more permanently, in the Dorset Hotel, on West Fifty-fourth Street, overlooking the Museum of Modern Art. The Tinker Group rented the penthouse, complete with a huge terrace, Venetian-tiled floors, a double-height living room, an antique French polished-pewter bar, a marble fireplace, spectacular skyline views, and a rotating exhibit of modern art (hung by the partners for motivational purposes), with everything-walls, carpets, ceilings, furnishings-a bright, dazzling white. It was supposed to be a think tank, but Tinker was so successful so fast that clients were soon lined up outside the door. When Buick wanted a name for its new luxury coup?, the Tinker Group came up with Riviera. When Bulova wanted a name for its new quartz watch, Tinker suggested Accutron. Tinker also worked with Coca-Cola and Exxon and Westinghouse and countless others, whose names-according to the strict standards of secrecy observed by the group-they would not divulge. Tinker started with four partners and a single phone. But by the end of the sixties it had taken over eight floors of the Dorset.
Sound familiar? It doesn't end there. Here's an article about a legendary 1950-60's ad man named.....Draper Daniels. Knowing this, don't you think that the opening credits of Mad Men should at least say inspired by true events?
Which brings us to my favorite and least favorite current commercials. I would also like to point out that I searched the internet high and low and could not find either commercial online, but if you watch television at all I'm sure that you have seen these two ads.
I never thought I'd see the day, but my favorite current commercial is for McDonald's. In the ad a man awakens and as he walks to McDonald's various people attempt to interact with him, but he disregards them all by saying something to the effect of, "I haven't had my coffee yet," or "Not until I have my coffee." Don't ask me why, but I think it's hysterical. Now, I don't think I've ever had or will ever have coffee from McDonald's (I'm a Dunkin' Donuts guy), but the commercial, in my opinion, is an overwhelming success.
My least favorite commercial by far is the Jared Galleria of Jewelry ad that depicts two women in a house. Woman #1 is working on a crossword puzzle and asks Woman #2 what a 13 letter word for marriage proposal is. Woman #2 looks stumped, so Woman #1 says, "He went to Jared," as she shows her engagement ring. This commercial is so horrendous that it makes me want to vomit. Everytime it's on I quickly change the channel so that my eyes and ears don't have to put up with the piercing pain of annoyance that the ad evokes.
I obviously watch a lot of television, but in the past year and a half I've significantly decreased the number of commercials that I view (although based on the past few paragraphs I clearly still see plenty). Because my profession requires me to work primarily at night I am reliant on my DVR (which I love) to record all of the shows that I would normally watch if I were at home.
Sure most shows can be found online, especially the day after they air, but to me DVR is a godsend (should this word be capitalized?). Seriously, can you think of a greater invention in the last 15 years? Not only does it allow you to watch your favorite shows at your own convenience, but it also allows you to fastforward through the commercials.
My TV viewing habits have gotten to the point where I'll avoid watching a show during it's regularly scheduled air time, just so I can watch it later without having to sit through the commercials. I also sometimes start watching an hour long show that I'm recording about 20-30 minutes in and I end up avoiding almost, if not all of the commercial breaks.
But which shows do I record, you ask?
Well here are the shows that I have set up a series recording for on my DVR:
1.) Jeopardy! (CBS M-F 7PM)- Not only do I record the best game show on TV, but I write down how many questions/answers I get right as well as what the Final Jeopardy question/answer is (an excel spreadsheet is in the works). What can I say? One of my goals in life is to be on the show someday. I'd also like to be a contestant when Alex Trebek is still hosting and the clock is certainly ticking.
2.) The Daily Show (Comedy Central M-T 11PM)- Jon Stewart, although he admittedly leans liberal, is a terrific interviewer. Stewart's correspondents (dubbed The Best Fucking News Team Ever), especially John Oliver and Jason Jones, add plenty of humor to the show.
3.) The Colbert Report (Comedy Central M-T 11:30PM)- Colbert is the sharpest, quickest-witted television host going. His improv skills are the most apparent during interviews, in which he routinely dominates his guests. His fame is currently at an all time high now that he's been on the cover of Sports Illustrated and won a Grammy in the past two months.
4.) How I Met Your Mother (CBS Mondays 8PM)- It's a little strange to see Neil Patrick Harris, a homosexual, so effectively pull off his alpha male character Barney Stinson, but his humor drives the show. Well, that and Jason Segel, who can't not be funny.
5.) The Big Bang Theory (CBS Mondays 9:30pm)- If you watched this show once you'd probably never watch it again. I used to watch it because it was on right before How I Met Your Mother and now it's debatable as to which show is funnier.
6.) 24 (FOX Mondays 9PM)- 24 is great because (aside from Bauer being a badass) you can start watching at the beginning of each season and you won't miss a beat. For example, I've seen Seasons 1,2,7, and now the first few episodes of Season 8. This show is so entertaining that so far they've made Freddie Prinze, Jr. a likable character.
7.) Lie to Me (FOX Wednesdays 9PM)- I gave this show a shot back when it first premiered and I still feel that it's worth watching, but it's not a show that I really look forward to. In fact, sometimes I choose not to record an episode if I see a preview commercial and don't like the proposed storyline.
8.) Damages (FX Mondays 10PM)- I think I watch this lawyer drama mainly to figure out if Rose Byrne is hot or not.
9.) Glee (FOX Tuesdays 9PM)- When I first saw previews for this show I assumed that I would never watch it because it seemed a little feminine with all the singing, etc. That was until my friend Kate talked me into watching it and I discovered that it's actually quite funny. Also, I'm officially in love with Lea Michele who plays Rachel on the show.
10.) Modern Family (ABC Wednesdays 8PM)- I'm not sure what the target demographic is for this comedy, but I think it appeals to anyone from the ages 15-65. Like it's name suggests, the show deals with modern family issues (interracial, homosexuality, raising kids in the technological era) in a light-hearted sense.
11.) Top Chef (Bravo Wednesdays 10PM)- I only understand about 2% of the culinary lingo, but for some reason I find this show to be incredibly entertaining. I'm convinced that whoever does the casting is an absolute genius because I routinely like and dislike an equal number of the cheftestants. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that Padma Lakshmi is the host?
12.) The Office (NBC Thursdays 9PM)- I don't know anyone that doesn't watch this show. Or at least I don't know anyone that's watched more than a few episodes and not liked it. In my opinion, it's reached Seinfeld/Friends status in that people generally accept that it's a great show.
13.) 30 Rock (NBC Thursdays 9:30PM)- 30 Rock is definitely deserving of all of those Emmy's that it has won. It is hands down the best written comedic show on television. Case in point, one of my all time favorite television lines came from a Season 3 episode:
Tracy: You like Phil Collins, right?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?
14.) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX Thursdays 10PM)- Just an absolutely, ridiculous show. I find the episodes to be hit or miss, but when they hit it's virtually non stop laughter for 30 minutes.
15.) Mad Men (AMC Sundays 10PM)- This period drama is simply fascinating. I started watching from the get go and it's been picking up steam ever since.
If you've seen all of Season 3 then check out this excerpt from Malcolm Gladwell's most recent book "What the Dog Saw":
Herzog worked at a small advertising agency called Jack Tinker & Partners, and people who were in the business in those days speak of Tinker the way baseball fans talk about the 1927 Yankees. Tinker was the brainchild of the legendary adman Marion Harper, who came to believe that the agency he was running, McCann-Erickson, was too big and unwieldy to be able to consider things properly. His solution was to pluck a handful of the very best and brightest from McCann and set them up, first in the Waldorf Towers (in the suite directly below the Duke and Duchess of Windsor's and directly above General Douglas MacArthur's) and then, more permanently, in the Dorset Hotel, on West Fifty-fourth Street, overlooking the Museum of Modern Art. The Tinker Group rented the penthouse, complete with a huge terrace, Venetian-tiled floors, a double-height living room, an antique French polished-pewter bar, a marble fireplace, spectacular skyline views, and a rotating exhibit of modern art (hung by the partners for motivational purposes), with everything-walls, carpets, ceilings, furnishings-a bright, dazzling white. It was supposed to be a think tank, but Tinker was so successful so fast that clients were soon lined up outside the door. When Buick wanted a name for its new luxury coup?, the Tinker Group came up with Riviera. When Bulova wanted a name for its new quartz watch, Tinker suggested Accutron. Tinker also worked with Coca-Cola and Exxon and Westinghouse and countless others, whose names-according to the strict standards of secrecy observed by the group-they would not divulge. Tinker started with four partners and a single phone. But by the end of the sixties it had taken over eight floors of the Dorset.
Sound familiar? It doesn't end there. Here's an article about a legendary 1950-60's ad man named.....Draper Daniels. Knowing this, don't you think that the opening credits of Mad Men should at least say inspired by true events?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Hot or Not
Hollywood C-lister (maybe B) Amanda Peet appeared on the CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother on Monday night and she looked great. This caught me by surprise because I've never really been a fan of hers in the past.
After thinking more about it I realized that she's just one of a handful of actresses whose attractiveness experiences certain ebbs and flows. In one movie she's hot, the next she's not. Then you see her on The Tonight Show (I'm not getting into that whole fiasco, but an inordinate amount of female celebrities look great as guests on late night talk shows) and she looks hot again. You get the idea. I imagine that these women must be the actresses that actually have talent whereas the Jessica Alba's and the Megan Fox's of the world get by simply because they're hot.
The only other explanation would be that their inconclusive sexual appeal is the very characteristic that makes them appealing in the first place. Now I don't necessarily buy that, but take a look at this excerpt from a July '09 article (well, mailbag) written by ESPN.Com's Bill Simmons.
"Q: My girlfriend has been making me watch "The Bachelorette" and I'm not even ashamed. Isn't it easily as good as any other Monday night comedy? Plus, there's Jillian and the unending internal debate in my head as to whether she's hot or not. Literally every shot of her evokes a different reaction from me. I'm amazed at how intriguing the show is.
-- Mike B. Brighton, Mass.
SG: And you left out Wes, the two-timing country singer who wasn't there for the right reasons, as well as the appropriately named Ed, who couldn't rise to the occasion with Jillian in a sleepover date and now is headed for a double-bathtub ad with her for Cialis. But I had to follow up on your Jillian comment. Never, not ever, not in the history of mankind, has a TV or movie star vacillated back and forth between "not attractive" to "super attractive" this frequently. If you charted it, it would be like an EKG exam gone haywire. She's cute. She's not cute. She's hot. She's smoking! Yikes, I wish her face didn't just do that. She's cute. She's not cute. She's super cute. A genius selection by the show's producer. No wonder Ed couldn't come through on the sleepover date; even his organs were confused by Jillian's looks."
For the record in that case I do buy it, but that's neither here nor there. This waffling of hotness by certain actresses has gone too far. It's time to make some decisions.
I've selected five actresses that teeter back and forth on the theoretical scale of attractiveness. To help illustrate my point I have included two pictures of each. One where I think that they look attractive (on the left) and one where I think that they do not (on the right). I will then decide, once and for all, whether the actress in question is hot, or not.
Let's get to the judging.
1.) Amanda Peet
I think the reason that I wasn't a fan of hers is because I only really knew her from her roles in two movies.
1.) In The Whole Nine Yards (2000) she plays a young, crazy girl who falls for a serial killer. Bottom line- she didn't do it for me.
2.) In Saving Silverman (2001) she plays an unlikable, controlling girlfriend (her name in the Australian version of the film was "Evil Woman") named Judith. She by no means looked bad, but I never fell for her because she was the villian.
Nine years have transpired since she's really been in the spotlight (she's now 38), but after her appearance on HIMYM I think it's safe to say that she's matured quite nicely.
Verdict: HOT
2.) Kirsten Dunst
She looked great in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) (jumping around in your underwear doesn't hurt) and decent in the Spiderman movies with red hair, but if you don't look good with air blowing in your face then something's wrong.
Verdict: NOT
3.) Hilary Swank
I know that the entire subplot of an episode of The Office was centered around whether or not she was hot, but I would like the record to show that I weighed in on this debate in a 2007 column that I wrote for my college newspaper.
Furthermore, there is a website (ishilaryswankhot.com) that is a running poll devoted to answering this question. The majority opinion only has 51% of the vote.
All that aside, I think the two-time Academy Award winner is hurt (from an attractiveness standpoint) by the roles that she chooses. In her breakout role in Boys Don't Cry (1999) she plays a popular teenage boy who is discovered to have been born a girl. In her other Oscar winning role in Million Dollar Baby (2004) she plays a female boxer who gets bruised and battered and wears a mouth piece.
Lastly, I know a girl that has a little Hilary Swank thing going on (the mouth/jaw), but she's much more attractive (and younger- I think she's 20?). I'd post a picture of her, but I think it might be a little creepy considering that 1.) I hardly know her and 2.) She is 1-2 years younger than my friend's little brother (a senior in college) whom she dated.
Verdict: NOT
4.) Uma Thurman
I don't know if it was her seductive portrayal of Poison Ivy in Batman & Robin (1997), her badass murderous rampage in the Kill Bill films (bonus points for being the Black Mamba- the very nickname that Kobe Bryant stole), or her role as Ben Affleck's love interest in the very underrated film Paycheck (2003), but I'm an Uma Thurman fan.
She looks horrendous in the picture to the right above, but it's hard to argue with her long, slender frame.
Verdict: HOT
5.) Amy Adams
She's not drop-dead gorgeous by any means and I don't think she's really all that well known, but she's definitely a rising star in Hollywood.
I first noticed her potential when she played Frank Abagnale, Jr.'s (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) wife in Catch Me If You Can (2002). I then loved her in both Talladega Nights (2007) and Charlie Wilson's War (2007). She defintely took a step back (in terms of her attractiveness) when she played a nun in Doubt (2008), but that role got her a second Oscar nomination, so I can't knock her too much for it.
I'm not wild about red heads, but certain ones do it for me and Amy Adams is definitely one of them.
Verdict: HOT
After thinking more about it I realized that she's just one of a handful of actresses whose attractiveness experiences certain ebbs and flows. In one movie she's hot, the next she's not. Then you see her on The Tonight Show (I'm not getting into that whole fiasco, but an inordinate amount of female celebrities look great as guests on late night talk shows) and she looks hot again. You get the idea. I imagine that these women must be the actresses that actually have talent whereas the Jessica Alba's and the Megan Fox's of the world get by simply because they're hot.
The only other explanation would be that their inconclusive sexual appeal is the very characteristic that makes them appealing in the first place. Now I don't necessarily buy that, but take a look at this excerpt from a July '09 article (well, mailbag) written by ESPN.Com's Bill Simmons.
"Q: My girlfriend has been making me watch "The Bachelorette" and I'm not even ashamed. Isn't it easily as good as any other Monday night comedy? Plus, there's Jillian and the unending internal debate in my head as to whether she's hot or not. Literally every shot of her evokes a different reaction from me. I'm amazed at how intriguing the show is.
-- Mike B. Brighton, Mass.
SG: And you left out Wes, the two-timing country singer who wasn't there for the right reasons, as well as the appropriately named Ed, who couldn't rise to the occasion with Jillian in a sleepover date and now is headed for a double-bathtub ad with her for Cialis. But I had to follow up on your Jillian comment. Never, not ever, not in the history of mankind, has a TV or movie star vacillated back and forth between "not attractive" to "super attractive" this frequently. If you charted it, it would be like an EKG exam gone haywire. She's cute. She's not cute. She's hot. She's smoking! Yikes, I wish her face didn't just do that. She's cute. She's not cute. She's super cute. A genius selection by the show's producer. No wonder Ed couldn't come through on the sleepover date; even his organs were confused by Jillian's looks."
For the record in that case I do buy it, but that's neither here nor there. This waffling of hotness by certain actresses has gone too far. It's time to make some decisions.
I've selected five actresses that teeter back and forth on the theoretical scale of attractiveness. To help illustrate my point I have included two pictures of each. One where I think that they look attractive (on the left) and one where I think that they do not (on the right). I will then decide, once and for all, whether the actress in question is hot, or not.
Let's get to the judging.
1.) Amanda Peet
I think the reason that I wasn't a fan of hers is because I only really knew her from her roles in two movies.
1.) In The Whole Nine Yards (2000) she plays a young, crazy girl who falls for a serial killer. Bottom line- she didn't do it for me.
2.) In Saving Silverman (2001) she plays an unlikable, controlling girlfriend (her name in the Australian version of the film was "Evil Woman") named Judith. She by no means looked bad, but I never fell for her because she was the villian.
Nine years have transpired since she's really been in the spotlight (she's now 38), but after her appearance on HIMYM I think it's safe to say that she's matured quite nicely.
Verdict: HOT
2.) Kirsten Dunst
She looked great in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) (jumping around in your underwear doesn't hurt) and decent in the Spiderman movies with red hair, but if you don't look good with air blowing in your face then something's wrong.
Verdict: NOT
3.) Hilary Swank
I know that the entire subplot of an episode of The Office was centered around whether or not she was hot, but I would like the record to show that I weighed in on this debate in a 2007 column that I wrote for my college newspaper.
Furthermore, there is a website (ishilaryswankhot.com) that is a running poll devoted to answering this question. The majority opinion only has 51% of the vote.
All that aside, I think the two-time Academy Award winner is hurt (from an attractiveness standpoint) by the roles that she chooses. In her breakout role in Boys Don't Cry (1999) she plays a popular teenage boy who is discovered to have been born a girl. In her other Oscar winning role in Million Dollar Baby (2004) she plays a female boxer who gets bruised and battered and wears a mouth piece.
Lastly, I know a girl that has a little Hilary Swank thing going on (the mouth/jaw), but she's much more attractive (and younger- I think she's 20?). I'd post a picture of her, but I think it might be a little creepy considering that 1.) I hardly know her and 2.) She is 1-2 years younger than my friend's little brother (a senior in college) whom she dated.
Verdict: NOT
4.) Uma Thurman
I don't know if it was her seductive portrayal of Poison Ivy in Batman & Robin (1997), her badass murderous rampage in the Kill Bill films (bonus points for being the Black Mamba- the very nickname that Kobe Bryant stole), or her role as Ben Affleck's love interest in the very underrated film Paycheck (2003), but I'm an Uma Thurman fan.
She looks horrendous in the picture to the right above, but it's hard to argue with her long, slender frame.
Verdict: HOT
5.) Amy Adams
She's not drop-dead gorgeous by any means and I don't think she's really all that well known, but she's definitely a rising star in Hollywood.
I first noticed her potential when she played Frank Abagnale, Jr.'s (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) wife in Catch Me If You Can (2002). I then loved her in both Talladega Nights (2007) and Charlie Wilson's War (2007). She defintely took a step back (in terms of her attractiveness) when she played a nun in Doubt (2008), but that role got her a second Oscar nomination, so I can't knock her too much for it.
I'm not wild about red heads, but certain ones do it for me and Amy Adams is definitely one of them.
Verdict: HOT
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
TV Locations I'd Like to Frequent
It should come as no surprise that we, as television viewers, form relationships with the characters that we watch. Some viewers take these 'relationships', or parasocial interactions (something I actually learned about in college) further than others, but the point remains. For example, apparently the preeminent female hairstyle of the late 90's and early 00's was known as "The Rachel," a reference to the hairstyle worn by Jennifer Aniston's character Rachel Green on Friends. Along the same lines, how many of us (that's all twelve of you and me) would immediately think George Costanza upon seeing Jason Alexander? Also, does anyone think of the former Mr. Britney Spears when they hear the name Jason Alexander? Just me? Ok.
The 'relationships' that we form with television programs, are not exclusive to the characters. We also form 'relationships' with the locations our favorite characters frequent. Here are my personal top 5, with apologies to Beverly Hills 90210's Peach Pit, which I can not recall all that vividly.
5.) The Central Perk in Friends
My main reason for including this fictional location is because I would love to go in there and stake my claim to that grimy couch. I am by no means a Friends aficionado, but I don't recall the main area of the coffee shop to have ever been taken by anyone when one of the six main cast members wanted to sit there. Friends was one of those shows that for whatever reason I always thought had a feminine connotation. I wasn't an avid viewer when the show aired, but I appreciate the humor the more I watch the episodes in syndication.
4.) McClaren's in How I Met Your Mother
I hesitated to include this one because I don't know too many people that watch the show (I only started watching it in November). That being said, this location is a touchdown, because it's only steps away from Ted's (the main character) apartment. Now before any of you Friends fans go ballistic, I know the Central Perk was less than 100 steps away from their apartments as well, but McClaren's is a bar where you can get blitzed and the Central Perk is a coffee shop where you can fine tune the screenplay you've been writing for the last 8 years. (Sidenote- I may or may not have just made fun of my future self).
3.) Moe's Tavern in The Simpson's
Yes, it's a towny bar, but the fact that it's called a tavern is a big plus in my book. The seldom used terms like tavern, alehouse, and saloon make bars more appealing to me. This bar would be great because it has an old bartender with a chip on his shoulder in Moe, it's been through the Rex Banner led prohibition days (the bar transformed nicely into a pet shop), it has some shady regulars like Barney Gumble, and it has a signature drink; The Flaming Moe.
For those not in tune with Pop Culture,this is a clear reference to the Cheers theme song
2.) Monk's in Seinfeld
First let me say that Monk's barely edged out Reggie's and Mendy's, where I'd definitely order a soup and a salad. Monk's would be fun to go to for me because I love diners. After a night of drinking, there is nowhere else I'd rather be in the morning than a slop house diner. Monk's, although a crummy little coffee shop, is great because the management abides by the Hooters policy of only hiring well endowed women, they make a big salad and an egg white omelet, and you never know if you're going to run into a millionaire architect. I should note that another Seinfeld location, Dinky Donuts, was not considered because the locale is never shown on camera. By the way, Joe DiMaggio is definitely not a dunker.
1.) The Max in Saved By The Bell
The Max was the ultimate before, mid, and after school hangout for Bayside High students. Seemingly everything went down there. If memory serves, the seating style where one sits on a chair that is turned the wrong way, known in most circles as "A.C. Slater style" was made famous in The Max.
I'm sure highschool students across the country have their own versions of The Max. My friends and I went to a pizza shop near our highschool from time to time after school and whenever I didn't want to go, one friend would explicitly say, "Come on dude, you have to go. Johnnie's (the name of the pizza shop) is our Max."
The 'relationships' that we form with television programs, are not exclusive to the characters. We also form 'relationships' with the locations our favorite characters frequent. Here are my personal top 5, with apologies to Beverly Hills 90210's Peach Pit, which I can not recall all that vividly.
5.) The Central Perk in Friends
My main reason for including this fictional location is because I would love to go in there and stake my claim to that grimy couch. I am by no means a Friends aficionado, but I don't recall the main area of the coffee shop to have ever been taken by anyone when one of the six main cast members wanted to sit there. Friends was one of those shows that for whatever reason I always thought had a feminine connotation. I wasn't an avid viewer when the show aired, but I appreciate the humor the more I watch the episodes in syndication.
4.) McClaren's in How I Met Your Mother
I hesitated to include this one because I don't know too many people that watch the show (I only started watching it in November). That being said, this location is a touchdown, because it's only steps away from Ted's (the main character) apartment. Now before any of you Friends fans go ballistic, I know the Central Perk was less than 100 steps away from their apartments as well, but McClaren's is a bar where you can get blitzed and the Central Perk is a coffee shop where you can fine tune the screenplay you've been writing for the last 8 years. (Sidenote- I may or may not have just made fun of my future self).
3.) Moe's Tavern in The Simpson's
Yes, it's a towny bar, but the fact that it's called a tavern is a big plus in my book. The seldom used terms like tavern, alehouse, and saloon make bars more appealing to me. This bar would be great because it has an old bartender with a chip on his shoulder in Moe, it's been through the Rex Banner led prohibition days (the bar transformed nicely into a pet shop), it has some shady regulars like Barney Gumble, and it has a signature drink; The Flaming Moe.
For those not in tune with Pop Culture,this is a clear reference to the Cheers theme song
2.) Monk's in Seinfeld
First let me say that Monk's barely edged out Reggie's and Mendy's, where I'd definitely order a soup and a salad. Monk's would be fun to go to for me because I love diners. After a night of drinking, there is nowhere else I'd rather be in the morning than a slop house diner. Monk's, although a crummy little coffee shop, is great because the management abides by the Hooters policy of only hiring well endowed women, they make a big salad and an egg white omelet, and you never know if you're going to run into a millionaire architect. I should note that another Seinfeld location, Dinky Donuts, was not considered because the locale is never shown on camera. By the way, Joe DiMaggio is definitely not a dunker.
1.) The Max in Saved By The Bell
The Max was the ultimate before, mid, and after school hangout for Bayside High students. Seemingly everything went down there. If memory serves, the seating style where one sits on a chair that is turned the wrong way, known in most circles as "A.C. Slater style" was made famous in The Max.
I'm sure highschool students across the country have their own versions of The Max. My friends and I went to a pizza shop near our highschool from time to time after school and whenever I didn't want to go, one friend would explicitly say, "Come on dude, you have to go. Johnnie's (the name of the pizza shop) is our Max."
Friday, February 20, 2009
I Love You, Man
Every now and then a movie comes along and you think it has to be great purely based on its cast. More often than not that movie turns out to be a success, but sometimes the movie doesn't live up to the hype. Wedding Crashers (2005), featured Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Christopher Walken, and was an instant comedic hit. Heat (1995) , on the other hand, flopped despite featuring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Jon Voight, Val Kimer, and Ashley Judd (not to mention Dennis Haysbert, Natalie Portman, and Jeremy Piven). To put it into perspective, it cost $60 million to make and only grossed $66 million.
If you've been to the movies lately or have browsed imdb.com, I hope that you have seen the preview for I Love You, Man. This comedy is set to release on Friday March 20th and features three of my favorite comedic actors at the moment in Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Andy Samberg. It also stars Karen from The Office and Jaime Pressly. No way this movie isn't awesome.
Jason Segel, who plays the new best friend, has recently come onto the scene largely due to his role on the CBS Monday night show How I Met Your Mother. This role catapulted him to the big screen, where he starred in the 2008 summer comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Here is a clip from How I Met Your Mother.
Andy Samberg, who plays the younger brother (who turns out to be gay), is one of the current stars of Saturday Night Live. He is also a member of the comedy group Lonely Island. Many of his comedy sketches have become internet sensations. Here are a few.
I'm on a boat
Jizz in my pants
Lazy Sunday
Roy Rules
Paul Rudd, who plays the main character, has come into the lime light with his roles in Knocked Up and Role Models. His dry, sarcastic wit is his signature style of humor. Here is a clip from an appearance he made on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
Speaking of Conan, in case you haven't heard NBC is shuffling up their weeknight lineup. Jay Leno is moving to 10 p.m. eastern and Conan is taking over as the new host of the The Tonight Show, which airs at 11:35 p.m. eastern. Here is an article about his last week of doing Late Night with Conan O'Brien in New York. In case you need any incentive to actually click the link, it includes a masturbating bear.
If you've been to the movies lately or have browsed imdb.com, I hope that you have seen the preview for I Love You, Man. This comedy is set to release on Friday March 20th and features three of my favorite comedic actors at the moment in Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Andy Samberg. It also stars Karen from The Office and Jaime Pressly. No way this movie isn't awesome.
Jason Segel, who plays the new best friend, has recently come onto the scene largely due to his role on the CBS Monday night show How I Met Your Mother. This role catapulted him to the big screen, where he starred in the 2008 summer comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Here is a clip from How I Met Your Mother.
Andy Samberg, who plays the younger brother (who turns out to be gay), is one of the current stars of Saturday Night Live. He is also a member of the comedy group Lonely Island. Many of his comedy sketches have become internet sensations. Here are a few.
I'm on a boat
Jizz in my pants
Lazy Sunday
Roy Rules
Paul Rudd, who plays the main character, has come into the lime light with his roles in Knocked Up and Role Models. His dry, sarcastic wit is his signature style of humor. Here is a clip from an appearance he made on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
Speaking of Conan, in case you haven't heard NBC is shuffling up their weeknight lineup. Jay Leno is moving to 10 p.m. eastern and Conan is taking over as the new host of the The Tonight Show, which airs at 11:35 p.m. eastern. Here is an article about his last week of doing Late Night with Conan O'Brien in New York. In case you need any incentive to actually click the link, it includes a masturbating bear.
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