"It was always burning"

As I've stated countless times, one of my goals in life is to memorize the lyrics to Billy Joel's 1989 hit "We Didn't Start the Fire." Sure the song is on VH1's list of the 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs, but I can't get enough of it.

The lyrics recount many important historical events that took place between 1949 (when Joel was born) and 1989 (when Joel wrote the song). In case you couldn't put two and two together, Billy the Kid is a big history buff. For some reason this notion of chronicling his life speaks to me. As you know, I've seen almost every movie that's been nominated for Best Picture in my lifetime.

Last week as I was driving home from work I decided that it would be a good idea to update Joel's classic hit. I knew that he covered 1949-1989, so I figured that I could write new lyrics based on the events of the past 20 years (1990-2010). I thought that this project would only take a few hours, but I completely misjudged the kind of undertaking that it was. Not only is Joel's tune packed with people, facts, and events, but it's also loaded with half rhymes, full rhymes, and different variations of syllables. So for the past week I've been scouring Wikipedia for significant historical events, counting syllables, and consulting rhyming dictionaries.

I still think that this post needs A LOT of work, but I'm sick and tired of wasting my time on a grueling, voluntary task.

Before we get to my updated version, here's a refresher of the lyrics that Joel wrote more than 20 years ago.


Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I", and "The Catcher in the Rye"

Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Zhou Enlai, Bridge On The River Kwai

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California Baseball,
Starkweather homicide, Children of Thalidomide

Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land,
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock

Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz

Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire...




And now without futher ado...




Buster Douglas, Motley Crue, John Gotti, Belarus
No apartheid, free Mandela, Windows 3.0

Boris Yelstin, Rodney King, Desert Storm, CNN
Magic Johnson, HIV, Super Nintendo

LA riots, Dan Quayle, Murphy Brown, Real World
Leno, H.W. gags, and the Dream Team reps the flag

Don't ask, don't tell, Hoo-ha, the EU and NAFTA
A Few Good Men, Seles is stabbed, piece of the Aggro-Crag

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

O.J. Simpson, bronco chase, Boyz II Men and Ace of Base
Revolution, Bills still losing, Kurt Cobain dead

ebay, Farrakhan, Oklahoma City bomb
Mid...west....heat...wave, Sandra Bullock sped

Dolly, Deep Blue, Michael Johnson's golden shoes
Derek Jeter, Sheryl Crow, Keyser Soze, Daily Show

Mmm bop, Tony Blair, English Patient, Rachel's hair
Princess Di, Madonna cries, scandal in the white house

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Homeruns hit, Nagano, Michael Jordan, el nino
Seinfeld, He Got Game, Bird to the Hall of Fame

Britney Spears, Y2K, Star Wars I-just ok
rock music gets the blame, Millionaire is our new game

Harry Potter, hanging chads, PS2, Elian's dad
Sydney games, Kim Jong, bubble burst for dot com

Stem cells, 9/11, Google, jingoism
Halle Berry, game on, bankruptcy for Enron

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Russel Crowe, Homeland, search for bombs in the sand
gunman, Clarkson, World Com extinction

Human Genome is complete, Syracuse can not be beat
Iraq, Dan Brown, Martha Stewart locked down

Face-book, Condi Rice, Livestrong bracelets 'cause their nice
John Kerry, flip flopper, Red Sox solve Yankees' stopper

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Writer's strike, Dixie Chicks, prison term for Michael Vick
Mad Men, iphones, gas prices, Juno

Twitter, Spitzer, AIG, hockey moms, GOP
swimming fast and smoking pot, Obama takes top spot

Cash for clunkers, Favre is back, Kobe wins it without Shaq
Michael's late, Jon and Kate, swine, meth, Tiger's mates

Obamacare on the floor, Banking rules without a cure
Jay and Conan late night war, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire...

My apologies if you couldn't follow some of the rhyming patterns (I tried to spell out how to say/sing some of the lyrics), but you almost need the music to have the words make complete sense. I think the best way to assess my work is to look at it two lines at a time. First read/sing Joel's lyrics (for that part of the song) and then do the same for what I wrote.

That said, here is a year by year explanation of the people, facts, and events that I chose to incorporate in my brief history of the past 20 years.

1990



-Buster Douglas upsets the previously undefeated Mike Tyson on February 11th to become the world heavyweight champion of the world.
-Motley Crue's drummer Tommy Lee is arrested for allegedly exposing his backside during a performance in Augusta, Georgia. He also suffers a mild concussion after falling off of scaffolding above his elevated drum kit during a performance in New Haven, Connecticut.
-John Gotti, a notorious mob boss, is arrested on December 11th.
-Belarus declares its soveirgnty from the USSR on July 27th.
-South African President Frederik Willem de Klerk begins negotiations to end the country's legal form of racial segregation known as apartheid.
-Nelson Mandela was released from Victor Verster Prison on February 11th after more than 27 years in prison.
-Windows 3.0 is released by Microsoft on May 22nd.

1991



-Boris Yelstin is elected President of Russia on June 12th.
-Rodney King is is an African-American who was the subject in a police brutality case involving four white LAPD officers on March 3rd. A bystander, George Holliday, videotaped much of the incident from a distance. The footage showed the LAPD officers repeatedly striking King with their batons. A portion of this footage was aired by news agencies around the world, causing public outrage that raised tensions between the black community and the LAPD.
-Desert Storm is the military response to Sadaam Hussein's invasion and annexation of Kuwait. When economic sanctions proved to be ineffective, George H.W. Bush sent American troops into Kuwait to drive the Iraqis out.
-CNN (Cable News Network), the first network to provide 24 hour television news coverage, received unprecedented popularity because of its coverage of the Persian Gulf War.
-Magic Johnson, the superstar point guard of the Los Angeles Lakers, reveals on November 7th that he has contracted the HIV virus. To that point, HIV had long thought to have been an exclusively homosexual disease. Johnson's announcement was huge in terms of awareness for the sexually transmitted disease.
-Super Nintendo is released in Japan. It is the first 16 bit video game console.

1992



-Riots breakout in Los Angeles on April 29th after the four white LAPD officers accused of beating Rodney King are acquitted. Thousands rioted in the streets for six days after the verdict was announced.
-Dan Quayle, the 44th Vice President, gave a speech to the Commonwealth Club of California on May 19th on the subject of the Los Angeles riots. In this speech, Quayle blamed the violence on a decay of moral values and family structure in American society. In an aside, he cited the single mother title character in the television program Murphy Brown as an example of how popular culture contributes to this "poverty of values", saying: "It doesn't help matters when primetime TV has Murphy Brown — a character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid, professional woman — mocking the importance of fathers, by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another 'lifestyle choice.'"
-The Real World's first season takes place in New York and debuts on MTV on May 21st. The show would prove to be one of the most successful "reality shows" to date.
-Jay Leno replaces Johnny Carson as the host of The Tonight Show on NBC.
-George H.W. Bush vomits into the lap of Kiichi Miyazawa, the Prime Minister of Japan, during a state dinner in Japan.
-The Dream Team or the 1992 US National Men's Basketball team that won the gold medal at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. The Dream Team was the first US National Team comprised of professionals. The roster consisted of Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, John Stockton, Clyde Drexler, Chris Mullin, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Christian Laetner, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, and Scottie Pippen.

1993



-Don't ask, don't tell is a military policy enacted by Bill Clinton in order to prevent the "witch-hunting" of secretly gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members or applicants, while absolutely barring "openly" gay or bisexual people from joining the military, and expelling those already serving.
-Al Pacino won the Oscar for Best Actor for his portrayal of the retired, blind, and drunk Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade. Slade's signature phrase is "Hoo-ha!"
-EU, or the European Union, is an economic and political union of (now) 27 countries.
-NAFTA, or the North Atlantic Free Trade Agreement, is formed between the United States, Canada, and Mexico. The agreement creates a trading bloc (free of tariffs) between the three nations.
-A Few Good Men is a military courtroom drama that stars Tom Cruse, Kevin Bacon, Jack Nicholson, and Demi Moore. Jack Nicholson gets absolutely hosed by the Academy when he doesn't win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Colonel Nathan Jessep.
-Monica Seles, the world's #1 female tennis player, is stabbed in the shoulder during a match in Germany by a crazed fan of rival Steffi Graf.
-Global Guts is a popular Nickelodeon game show where teens compete in physical activities. The winner of each show is awarded a piece of the Aggro Crag, the mountain that the participants had to climb as the final event.

1994



-O.J. Simpson, the NFL Hall of Fame running back and successful actor, is charged with the murder of his wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman. After refusing to turn himself in, Simpson was the subject of a low speed police chase while driving his white Ford Bronco. The chase was televised by all of the major networks.
-Boyz II Men's, a popular R&B group, "I'll Make Love to You" is the #3 song on the 1994 Billboard Hot 100 chart.
-Ace of Base, a Swedish pop band, has 3 songs in the 1994 Billboard Hot 100 chart. #1 The Sign, #9 All That She Wants, and #10 Don't Turn Around.
-The Republican Revolution is what the Republican party dubbed their success in the 1994 midterm elections in which they took control of the majority of Congress for the first time in over 40 years. Newt Gingrich, Rep. Georgia, becomes the Speaker of the House and the most popularized figure of the movement. Bob Dole, Sen. Kansas, becomes the Senate majority leader.
-The Buffalo Bills lose their fourth straight Superbowl. This time it's a 30-13 loss at the hands of the Dallas Cowboys.
-Kurt Cobain, the lead singer and guitarist of the popular grunge band Nirvana, is found dead in an apparent suicide (a shotgun blow to the head) on April 8th.

1995



-eBay, the American company that runs an auction website, forms on September 5th.
-Louis Farrakhan is the national representative of the religious organization known as the Nation of Islam. Farrakhan is the lead advocate for black nationalist interests and helped organize the million man march in Washington D.C. on October 16th.
-Oklahoma City Bombing is a bomb attack on the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building that claimed the lives of 168 innocent Americans and injured 680 others. The men behind the terrorist plot are Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols.
-A midwest heatwave took the lives of approximately 700 people in Chicago in a 5 day stretch.
Chicago's daily low and high in 1995:
July 11: 73-90 °F (23-32 °C)
July 12: 76-98 °F (24-37 °C)
July 13: 81-106 °F (27-41 °C)
July 14: 84-102 °F (29-39 °C)
July 15: 77-99 °F (25-37 °C)
-Speed is a film starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Reeves plays an LAPD officer who hops onto a bus that will explode if it fails to continue moving above 50 miles per hour. Bullock, in her breakout role, plays the passenger on the bus that gets behind the wheel when the driver is shot. The film won 2 Academy Awards in 1995.

1996



-Dolly is the name given to the first mammal ever cloned. She is a sheep who was "born" on July 2nd and lived to the age of six.
-"Deep Blue" is the name of a chess playing computer developed by IBM that Russian Gary Kasparov beat in February.
-Michael Johnson is the American sprinter who won gold in the 400m and 200m at the Summer Olympics in Atlanta. During the competiton Johnson wore a custom-designed pair of golden-colored Nike racing spikes made with Zytel, causing him to be nicknamed "The Man With the Golden Shoes."
-Derek Jeter helps lead the New York Yankees to their first World Series since 1978, beating the Atlanta Braves 4 games to 2.
-Sheryl Crow's self titled album is banned from Wal-Mart stores because of the lyric "Watch out sister, watch out brother/watch our children while they kill each other/with a gun they bought at Wal-Mart Discount Stores".
-The Usual Suspects is a criminal, mystery movie in which Kevin Spacey won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Verbal Kint...and Keyser Soze.
-The Daily Show begins on Comedy Central on July 21st with Craig Kilborn as the host.


1997



-MMM bop is the debut single by pop band Hanson. It becomes one of the biggest debut singles of all time, reaching #1 in 27 countries.
-Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom on May 2nd.
-The English Patient wins the Oscar for Best Picture.
-The Rachel is the name given to a popular haircut worn by women during the '90s. The look got it's name from the hairstyle worn by Jennifer Aniston's character Rachel Green in the TV sitcom Friends.
-Princess Diana of Wales dies in an automobile accident in Paris.
-Madonna releases hit single "Don't Cry for Me Argentina"
-President Clinton is accused of having "sexual relations" with 22-year-old white house intern Monica Lewinsky.


1998



-Mark McGwire of the St.Louis Cardinals and Sammy Sosa of the Chicago Cubs chase and break Roger Maris' single season homerun record.
-Nagano hosts the Winter Olympics.
-Michael Jordan retires for the second time after winning his sixth NBA Championship with the Chicago Bulls.
-El Nino is an invasion of warm water into the surface of the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Peru and Ecuador every four to seven years that causes changes in local and regional climate. The most severe of these occurrences took place between 1997-98.
-Seinfeld, the popular NBC sitcome, airs it's final episode on May 14th.
-He Got Game is a Spike Lee joint starring Denzel Washington and NBA superstar Ray Allen.
-Larry Bird is enshrined in the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachuesetts.


1999



-Britney Spears bursts onto the pop music scene with her debut single "...Baby One More Time"
-Y2K is the name given to a computer related scare at the turn of the millenium. In computer programs, the practice of representing the year with two digits becomes problematic with logical error(s) arising upon "rollover" from x99 to x00. This caused some date-related processing to operate incorrectly for dates and times on and after January 1, 2000 and on other critical dates which were billed "event horizons". Without corrective action, it was suggested that long-working systems would break down when the "...97, 98, 99, 00..." ascending numbering assumption suddenly became invalid. Companies and organizations worldwide checked, fixed, and upgraded their computer systems.
-Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is released by writer/director George Lucas and receives mixed reviews.
-The Columbine massacre is partially blamed on the hard rock music of Marilyn Manson.
-Who Wants to be a Millionaire is a game show that debuts on ABC with Regis Philbin as the host.


2000



-Harry Potter is the title character of a popular book series written by British author J.K. Rowling.
-Hanging chads were the subject of the controversial election results in Florida.
-PlayStation2, the best selling video game console to date, is released by Sony.
-Elian Gonzalez is the subject of an immigration/custody battle between the U.S. and Cuba. Gonzalez is ultimately returned to Cuba to be with his father in June.
-Sydney hosts the Summer Olympics. The Untited States leads the medal count, although sprinter Marion Jones won 3 golds and 2 bronzes, which have since been taken back.
-Kim Jong il is the controversial leader of North Korea who has been in power since 1994.
-The dot come bubble peaks on March 10th (the NASDAQ hits 5,048.62) and eventually starts to tank for a multitude of reasons.


2001



-Stem cell research is restricted to those cells that already exist by President Bush.
-9/11 is the date of the most devasting terrorist attack on American soil. Terrorist hijack four airplanes, fly two of them into the World Trade Center's twin towers, one into the Pentagon, and one is overtaken and crashes in a Pennsylvania field. The death total reaches nearly 3,000.
-Google, the internet search engine, increases in popularity and starts acquiring other companies to improve its brand.
-Jingoism refers to the overly nationalistic feeling expressed by Americans after the 9/11 attacks.
-Halle Berry stars in the film Monster's Ball, a role that would win her an Academy Award for Best Actress (the first African American woman to win the award).
-The NFL/MLB return to action after 9/11.
-Enron's books are revealed to have been cooked. The energy company eventually files for bankruptcy and many of their top executive face jail time.


2002



-Russel Crowe appears as the lead actor in back to back Best Picture winners (Gladiator and A Beautiful Mind). He won the Oscar for Best Actor for his role in Gladiator.
-The Homeland Security Act creates the Department of Homeland Security. The Act includes many of the organizations under which the powers of the USA PATRIOT Act are exercised. Among other things, it creates the new cabinet-level position of Secretary of Homeland Security.
-WMD's become a hot topic as the UN investigates into whether or not Iraq has them.
-Washington D.C. Sniper John Allen Muhammad killed at least 10 innocent people in early October before getting arrested on the 24th.
-American Idol, a popular television show singing competition, debuts on FOX. Kelly Clarkson is the Season One winner.
-World Com, an American telecommunications company, files chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The largest filing in history.


2003



-The Human Genome Project is completed 13 years after it began in 1990. The goal was to determine the sequence of chemical base pairs which make up DNA and to identify and map the approximately 20,000–25,000 genes of the human genome from both a physical and functional standpoint.
-Syracuse University wins the 2003 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship behind the outstanding play of freshmen Carmelo Anthony and Gerry McNamara.
-The Iraq War begins on March 20th when coalition forces invade the Persian Gulf.
-Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code is published and quickly becomes a best seller.
-Martha Stewart, a famous magazine editor, TV Host, and author, is indicted for insider trading and obstruction of justice. She would go on to spend five months in a federal prison in West Virginia.


2004



-Facebook, the social network site, launches and quickly finds a massive following.
-Condeleezza Rice is nominated to become Secretary of State by President Bush on November 16th.
-Livestrong bracelets are launched as a fundraising measure for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. They quickly become very popular.
-John Kerry receives the Democratic nomination to run for president. During the campaign, he was pegged as a flip-flopper by Republicans for his stance on the War in Iraq. When speaking about a military appropriations bill Kerry said, "I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it."
-The Boston Red Sox are on the brink of elimination, down 3-0 in the ALCS and trailing the Yankees 4-3 in the bottom of the 9th inning in Game 4 before scoring a run against Mariano Rivera to tie the game and eventually winning the game in extra innings. They would go on to win the next three games to win the series (the first team to come back from a 3-0 series defecit) and advance to the World Series where they swept the St. Louis Cardinals to win their first title in 86 years.


2007



-The Writer's Guild of America goes on strike on November 5th and demands more compensation for their work. During the strike, many televisions shows are put on hold as new episodes can't air until the writer's write them. The strike is stopped on February 10th of 2008.
-The Dixie Chicks collected 5 awards at the Grammy's including Record, Album, and Song of the year.
-Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick pleads guilty to felony charges of operating a dog fighting ring in August. He is sentenced to serve 23 months in federal prison.
-Mad Men, a television drama set in the 1960's premieres on AMC on July 19th.
-iphones, a cell phone/ipod hybrid, is unveiled by Apple CEO Steve Jobbs.
-Record high gas prices plague the nation in the summer of 2007 with prices in some areas topping $4 a gallon.
-Juno is a comedy/drama film starring Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jason Bateman, and Jennifer Garner. The film receives 4 Academy Award nominations, winning one.


2008



-Twitter is a social networking and microblogging service that enables its users to send and read messages known as tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 characters displayed on the author's profile page and delivered to the author's subscribers who are known as followers.
-Eliot Spitzer, the governor of New York, resigns after he is linked to a prostitution ring. The affadavit famously refers to the governor as "Client-9".
-A global financial crisis starts to take shape as the U.S. housing, banking,insurance, and auto industries start to collapse. Hot terms describing the crisis are "bailouts", "too big too fail", and "stimulus package".
-Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, is chosen as John McCain's running mate in the 2008 presidential election. Palin creates a lot of buzz for the GOP with her good looks and everyday language.
-Michael Phelps swims for 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics (setting 7 new world records in the process) and is later photographed hitting a bong while visiting South Carolina University.
-Barack Obama is elected as the 44th president of the United States of America.


2009



-Cash for clunkers is a domestic program intended to encourage Americans to purchase new cars in an attempt to stimulate the economy.
-Brett Favre, the future NFL Hall of Fame quarterback, returns to the NFL, this time as a member of the Minnesota Vikings.
-Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers beat the Orlando Magic to win the NBA Championship. It is the first title for Bryant without Shaquille O'Neal as his teammate.
-Michael Jackson, the pop icon, dies after suffering cardiac arrest on June 25th.
-Jon and Kate Gosselin are consistently a topic on the tabloids after their highly publicized divorce.
-A swine flu outbreak in humans is declared a public health emergency of international concern.
-Crystal meth is a psychoactive stimulant drug that increases alertness and energy, and in high doses can induce euphoria, enhance self esteem, and increase sexual pleasure. It has become increasingly popular in the United States in the 2000s.
-Tiger Woods crashes his Denali into a fire hydrant on November 27th and is taken to the hospital. Shortly thereafter details of Woods' ramped infidelity start to surface.


2010



-The Health Care Reform Bill causes a heated national debate. A new faction of conservatives, known as the Tea Party Movement, ardently oppose the bill which they call "Obamacare". Eventually the bill passes both the House (without a vote?) and the Senate and is signed into law.
-Regulation of the financial industry appears to be the next challenge that President Obama plans to tackle. The call for reform has been expedited in the wake of the SEC charging Goldman Sachs with knowingly selling people investments that were designed to fail.
-Jay Leno kicks Conan O'Brien to the curb and re-assumes his position as the host of The Tonight Show after his 10 p.m. show flops as bad as Vlade Divac.

Happiest New Year?

Now that the new year is upon us (happy new year to you and yours by the way), I have a few questions. First, what are we going to call 2010? Is it going to be 20-10 (twenty-ten)? or 2010 (two-thousand and ten)? Personally, I don't care all that much, but I would appreciate a little consistency as I have heard both numerous times already. I kind of like 20-10 because it's short and has almost a nickname sort of ring to it, but no one called 2009 twenty-nine, so I'm not convinced that it's a legitimate moniker. Also, moving forward the only other year where this will work seems to be 2012 (twenty-twelve), so it's not like this is something that will catch on. Alright, I talked myself into it. I'm going with 2010 (two thousand and ten).

My second and final question is perhaps more important. Which group of Americans is the most excited for it to be 2010? To better answer that question, let's take a look at the candidates.

1.) New York Knick Fans



In 2006, Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James surprised everyone when he chose to sign a 4 year extension instead of the maxmimum deal allowed (a 5 year deal). This move was unprecedented. Young franchise players always sign for the max. Soon after Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade, and Toronto Raptors center Chris Bosh followed suit. These three additions to an already loaded 2010 NBA free agent class literally changed the way that many organizations did business over the next(and now past) four years.

In an effort to attract LeBron, Wade, Bosh, etc. the Knicks, who were ruined financially because of the missteps of Isiah Thomas, have essentially mailed in the past two seasons. From a front office standpoint, their goal has not been to win. It has been to shed payroll so that they can make a run at this crop of free agents in the summer of 2010. New team president Donnie Walsh has done an admirable job (well admirable if you have no problem with mailing two seasons in just for a chance at LBJ, etc.), but still needs to move one or both of the heinous contracts given to Eddy Curry and Jared Jeffries in order to have full flexibilty this summer (by full flexibility I mean the cap space to sign 2-3 big name players). The Knicks front office did everything but release a statement in 2008 that said, "We don't care what our record is these next two seasons. We are only worried about shedding cap space, but we are still going to charge you the same ludicrous amount to watch our rag tag team because we play in the "world's most famous arena."

It's no secret that the Knicks are going to do everything in their power to convince LeBron into coming to New York in 2010. New York has been the most speculated destination for LBJ ever since his decision to not sign for the maximum in 2006. He admittedly loves New York because of it's celebrity culture, atmosphere, big stage, etc. He's even a Yankee fan. I was in MSG when LeBron came to town earlier this season and the crowd has no qualms about blatantly rooting for him even though at this juncture he plays for the opposing team.

The prevailing thought had Phoenix Suns point guard and two time NBA MVP Steve Nash signing with the Knicks and his former coach Mike D'Antoni in the summer of 2010 to help lure other big name free agents like LeBron to New York. Nash lives and plays in a soccer league in NYC in the summer and is thought to be one of the best teammates in the league; However this plan fell through when Nash signed a two year extension with the Suns in July.

Now virtually all of the Knick's eggs are in LeBron's basket. The hope is that he signs with the Knicks and brings the likes of Chris Bosh/Joe Johnson with him. But will LeBron leave Cleveland and try to revive basketball in the city that never sleeps? No one (including LeBron) knows for sure, but for the first time in almost 10 years Knick fans have something to rest their hopes on.


2.) Republicans



The GOP was dealt a major blow in 2008. Not only did Obama trounce McCain for the presidency, but the Democrats expanded their majority in the House by 21 seats and achieved a super majority in the Senate (58 Democrats and 2 Independents). Ever since that election the Republicans have been on a rampage to regain control of Congress. You've seen coverage of the tea parties, the town hall meetings, etc. 2010 is the first chance for the American public to essentially give an up or down vote on Obama. Aside from every House of Representatives seat being up for re-election (members of the House serve two year terms),36 Senate seats will be up for grabs (18 of which are currently held by Democrats and the other 18 are currently held by Repbulicans), and 37 states will hold gubernatorial elections.

If history has anything to say about the 2010 mid term elections, it's that the Republicans will surely pick up a few seats in Congress. For starters, the president's party almost always loses a few seats in the mid term elections. Also, it's next to impossible to maintin the kind of majority that the Democrats currently have, even in prosperous times.

Picking up a few seats won't suffice for the GOP, though. They want to shift the power of the American political structure back in their favor in 2010. These mid term elections already have shades of the "Republican Revolution" led by former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich in 1994. Back then Republicans were unhappy with a young, democratic president that was trying to push a health care reform bill through Congress. In the mid term elections of 1994, the Republicans took control of the House and looked to make Clinton a lame duck president in 1996; However (as the late, great Doc O explained to me) Clinton essentially became a Republican in the next two years and rolled in his re-election bid in '96.

That being said, here is the case against Obama in 2010. First and foremost, the economy continues to lag. When he was elected, Obama (to much of the American public) had this magical quality about him. They thought that he could come into office and fix any problem with the wave of his hand. Problem was, he couldn't. There's no doubt that he's trying, but the continued stagnation of the economy has at least taken Obama off of the pedestal that many had placed him on. Furthermore, this health care fiasco is splitting the country in two. Although everyone in Congress admits that our current health care system needs to be reformed, a comprehensive overhaul of the system is such an enormous task that it should come as no surprise that there are so many disagreements about the proposed bills. Lastly, even though the 2010 midterm elections are basically like a report card on Obama's first two years in office, his name won't be on the ballot. All of those people that registered and enthusiastically went to the polls to vote for Obama in '08 (yes, I'm talking about black people) aren't going to show up in '10 to vote for Chuck Schumer, Harry Reid, etc.


3.) Soccer Fans



American soccer fans probably have a hard on knowing that the World Cup kicks off in less than 160 days in South Africa. To them, and the rest of the world, the World Cup is bigger than the Superbowl. I would also like to point out that calling the event the World Cup is actually accurate whereas the World Series is a complete misnomer.

American soccer fans must be even more excited this year after learning last month that the US team received a favorable draw. In case you haven't heard, the United States has been placed in a group with England, Slovenia, and Algeria. I don't know much about Slovenia or Algeria, but I'm pretty sure that we should beat them both and if we do we will most likely advance to the knockout stage.

Before I move on, I have a point of contention with many Americans that like soccer. I don't care if the US Team doesn't have a realistic chance at winning the whole thing or not. They are the only team that you should be rooting for. I can't stand the kids that root for the team of their heritage (unless your parents were born and raised in that country in which case I'm totally OK with it) because they are better than the United States team, especially if the teams play each other. All of those Italian kids that rooted for Italy when they played the US in 2006 can go fuck themselves.


4.) People born in the year 1910


This painting is one of the most famous in American history. It was painted by Grant Wood and is titled, "American Gothic". Information that you should know.

Now hear me out before you write this off as a throwaway choice. Obviously these people must be pumped that it's 2010 so that they can reach triple digits in age. Sure, most of them probably aren't all there mentally and a large percentage of them might die before they reach their birthday (although statistics show that most people die shortly after their birthdays/Christmas), but reaching 100 has to be the light at the end of the tunnel for what they must have gone through in their time on Earth.

People born in 1910 were teenagers during the Roaring '20's. They probably witnessed all sorts of Gatsby style wild parties and rowdy saloons without being able to participate. By the time they were old enough to partake in the decadence of the decade, it was over. The Stock Market crashed and the Great Depression began.

They probably struggled to find work, raise a family, etc. Most of them probably moved west like the Joad family of Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath." By the time they turned 31-32 many of them were probably drafted and forced to serve in World War II.

After the war these men and women lived through the Civil Right Movement of the 50's and 60's. They were 40-50 years old at the time and probably held steadfast to their bigoted ways. As the laws began to change I bet they blamed the government.

In the 60's and 70's they had to endure the JFK assassination, the Vietnam War, and Watergate. I'm sure these three events only made them distrust the government even more.

I'm hoping, for their sake, that they enjoyed the 80's and 90's with the downfall of the Soviet Union and years of American prosperity because just when they, and the rest of us for that matter, thought everything was fine the 00's came along.

As I've already pointed out, Time magazine called the 00's the "Decade from Hell" because of 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the global financial crisis that we are still battling through.

The lives of those born in 1910 could not have been easy. Here's hoping that they reach 100.

A (Quick) Year in Review: 2009

Well that's it for 2009. Here's a video that recaps the big news of the year that my friend Kate (I'm such a FOG) has had as her gchat status for the past few days.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

College Football Preview

I've had the football itch for a few weeks now, but yesterday I was so amped up that I almost speared everyone in sight. Yesterday was the first semi-cool, Fall-like day around here and football was most definitely in the air. The long wait is finally over as the college football slate officially kicks off tomorrow night with a handful of games. The biggest being #16 Oregon traveling to Idaho to take on #14 Boise State on the blue turf.

Now I personally could care less about these games tomorrow night, but it's great to have football back in my life. The two teams that I genuinely care about (Notre Dame and Syracuse)kick off their seasons on Saturday.

And now a preview of the Irish and the Orange:


Notre Dame

Last season the Irish followed up their historically bad '07 campaign, in which they went 3-9, with what I thought was a rather unimpressive 7-6 season. They did blow the doors off of Hawaii in the Hawaii bowl to notch their first bowl win since '93, but they lost too many games that they should have won. In fact, they lost 3 games in which they had a double digit lead, including their senior day game at home to Syracuse.

This year Notre Dame returns 17 starters (10 on offense) and has a schedule that looks like this. Hopes are high in South Bend this year (Well, not exactly I guess) for a return to national prominence. Coach Charlie Weis seems to be on the hot seat unless he makes it to a BCS game.





Offense

Gone are the days where the Irish lined up and ran the ball down their opponents throats, but nevertheless the Notre Dame offense should be explosive this year. The abysmal running game of the past two years should improve with a more cohesive offensive line and a more experienced backfield led by Armando Allen and Robert Hughes. Also, Junior Quarterback Jimmy Clausen, once heralded as the savior of the Fighting Irish program, is poised to finally reach his potential and have a monster season.

Clausen's assumed success is largely based on three factors. Charlie Weis has re-assumed the play calling duties (screens & draws). The ND receiving corps is one of the best in the nation with Junior WR Golden Tate, Sophomore WR Michael Flloyd, and Sophomore TE Kyle Rudolph. And it appears that Clausen has matured. In an effort to get a few steps ahead in terms of familiarity, timing and camraderie, Clausen invited his three top targets out to his parents' house in California for a week this summer. A year ago I would have assumed that they all went to Clausen's house to represent ND Athletes in the Beer Olympics or to ride some killer waves, but I've heard that the week was virtually all business.




Defense

We lost a lot of good men out there from a year ago (LB Maurice Crum, Jr., S David Bruton, DT Pat Kuntz), but there is plenty of young talent ready to emerge. Everyone is saying that the strength of the Notre Dame defense is their secondary, yet no one is talking about what I believe to be the elephant in the room. Both of ND's safeties are white! Sure Kyle McCarthy and Harrison Smith are aggressive tacklers, but do you trust them in the Cover 2 against Damian Williams? I don't. The reason I'm not nervous about the defense this year is because of freshman LB Manti Te'o. Te'o, who is from Hawaii (Fun fact- He went to the same highschool as President Obama), is the most hyped Notre Dame defensive recruit since Kory Minor back in the early 90's. I can't wait to see this kid fly all over the field and wreak havoc on opposing offenses.

Prediction

Even though ESPN College Football Analysts Lou Holtz and Beano Cook have the Irish going 11-1 and playing for the National title, I think they'll find a way to beat USC, but still lose 2 games. 10-2 will get them to a BCS game and keep Charlie Weis employed for a more legitimate run at the national title in '10.



Syracuse

Boy has it been a wild off season in the city of hopes and dreams. From the end of the Greg Robinson experience to the media circus that is the Greg Paulus experiment. The Orange have really struggled in the past 4 years going 10-37, but for whatever reason there's that sense of hope surrounding the program this year. New Head Coach Doug Marrone seems to be the right man for the job. He played at Syracuse. He wants to be at Syracuse. He bleeds Orange. Marrone's former stint was as the Offensive Coordinator of the New Orleans Saints so the thought is that he'll be able to light a fire in the Orange offense.

Offense

Aside from the story that has kept the national media's attention on the 'Cuse, which we'll get to in a minute, there's a lot to like. First off, addition by subtraction on the offensive line. Waste of space/talent Corey Chavers will no longer be giving defensive ends free passes to the QB, so that's a plus. Star WR Mike Williams is back after missing all of last season because of an academic issue. Also returning is highly touted RB Delone Carter who smells the endzone like a dog who can smell whether or not a tree has been urinated on recently.



Now toss in the former Gatorade National High School Player of the Year Greg Paulus at Quarterback. Sure the former Duke point guard hasn't taken a snap in over four years, but back then he could have gone to any school in the country and played quarterback. It's gotta be like riding a bike, right? Hell, Paulus was rated right up there with New York Jets starting QB Mark Sanchez. The feel good story even has a hometown angle. Paulus is from Syracuse and two of his former highschool targets are WR's for the Orange. How can this go wrong? Either way, the Orange faithful are buzzing with excitement to see what Paulus can do.

This is the shirt they've been selling in the campus bookstore. Oh, how witty.



In case you don't get it, here's an explanation of the two-pronged reference.

1.) The Devil because he was a Duke Blue Devil (and, not for nothing, largely considered the most hated player in college basketball)

and

2.) The Devil Wears Orange being a play on the Movie/Book title The Devil Wears Prada.


Defense

The Defense is led by the most disruptive force this side of the Mississippi: Arthur Jones. Jones is hungry for some sacks in his senior season and you better believe that he's going to eat. ESPN's Mel Kiper Jr. has Jones as the 12th best prospect for next year's NFL Draft and after the season he's about to have he'll probably go 1st. Assuming anyone gets past Arty (and I doubt that anyone will), former RB Doug Hogue will clean up the mess with his speed at outside linebacker. Also, if Arty can't get to the QB in time, expect FS Mike Holmes to patrol the middle and neutralize the opponents' passing game.


Prediction

Nobody, and I mean nobody, comes into the Loud House and pushes the Orange around. Minnesota better stay at home on Saturday because they don't even know what's going to hit them. Honestly, best case scenario is probably 6-6, but that would be a bowl game and that would be awesome.

Let's talk about...

It's not just this blizzard that has the weather on the minds of many in the northeast. It's literally an everyday thing. Adults that are forced into conversation immediately revert to the weather no matter what. Either it's "such a beautiful day", "it's freezing out", or it's "really coming down out there". Somehow weather has become the ultimate buffer zone in conversational tactics and I think that we can do better.

I mean, I get it. People naturally gravitate to the weather because its a common bond. Everyone experiences the weather and therefore it's relevant material to use in conversation. It also changes enough as to not become that stale of a topic. I've just gotten sick of it. We have so many other commonalities to chose from. Why did we settle on weather? I think last night was the tipping point for me. At about 5 p.m., people at work were talking to upper management about being put up in hotel rooms that night, even though at the time, it wasn't snowing. Then, when I was leaving at around 8 p.m. I said "Have a good night" to a security guard who responded by saying "Be careful out there." Again, at this point, it was not snowing at all. Well sure enough I woke up this morning and there was finally a sheet of white on the ground. This just means that everyone in the great state of Connecticut will automatically turn into a 78-year-old woman behind the wheel.

The weather is such a part of our daily lives that we've glorified the men that predict it. Some how this man became a celebrity? Sure, some guys handle the green screen better than others, but why do we care? It's not like people use their terminology. As bland as talking about the weather is, the manner in which it is talked about is worse; however this actually might be a good thing. I don't want anyone asking me if I saw the quadruple doppler sonar percentage index. Either way, this whole weather talk has gone too far. Can't we think of something else to talk about? Let's explore some other commonalities and figure out if they'll work.

Politics? Nope, too polarizing. The government is something that we all have in common, but it's too risky of a topic to bring up in conversation with someone you barely know because they might have differing views. Some people just find politics to be too personal.



On this note, the media clearly shapes the way that people think about politics. Most of Americans disapproved of George W. Bush, but I highly doubt that many could provide a solid reason for their disapproval. Similarly, people think that Obama is the cure for all that is wrong with our country.

Sports? The world of sports gives us a break from talking about the weather at the water cooler/in the elevator a few times a year, but not enough people follow sports closely enough for it to become a daily conversational topic. Plenty of people just don't care enough about sports and those they do often don't have the time to follow them as closely as they would like to. What games are popular enough to talk about with a relative stranger? I would argue only the superbowl and possibly the NCAA men's basketball tournament. Although baseball diehards still claim that it's America's pastime (it's not), no one worth talking to will watch the conclusion of a World Series game when the first pitch is thrown at 10:37 p.m.

Poop? Unfortunately society has attached a stigma to this natural bodily function that we all experience. I've read a book about poop and had a few (daily) conversations with people about it and I have learned so much. Just think of all the things that people could learn (wiping style, etc) from each other when it comes to bathroom experience. To me it seems like a great conversational topic, but maybe that's because I poop like clockwork when I wake up every morning. It's more than a routine. It's part of waking up. Once my feet hit the ground I'm headed to the dish. It's really too bad that there are so many 'shameful shitters' out there.

Movies? In this day and age movies have almost lost their luster. I can't remember a time in the past few years (outside of seeing The Dark Knight at midnight) where I was in a theater that was packed. This is a problem because daily conversational topics have to be current. Therefore the only movies that could be discussed are those recently/or currently in theaters. This severely limits the potential of this topic because of people's reliance on Blockbuster/Netflix and On Demand. People just don't go to the movies like they used to. In fact, I know a girl that hasn't seen a movie in theaters since Blade (1998), which featured Wesley Snipes.

Food? I actually think this one could work. Think about it. Everyone eats. Why not ask people that you come across what they had for breakfast or lunch? Then after they answer you can ask how whatever they ate was and continue from there. Speaking of food, I'm currently on a quest to acquire as many simple recipes as I can to broaden my diet. Chef Boyardee Ravioli, Cheez-its, and Mountain Dew just aren't cutting it anymore.




Keep your ears peeled for weather-related conversations and you'll notice how out of control it is in no time.

Team America

Now that this historic election is over, let me express my congratulations to our 43 and 3/5 president Barack Obama. To all of those that thought racism was rooted in the Deep South, may I present to you the Three-fifths compromise.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-fifths_compromise

This legislation was one of the cornerstones of our great nation. Our founding fathers sat across the table from one another and argued about the value of slaves. The fact that they compromised on three-fifths is incredible because it means that men from the North argued that the value of slaves should be less. (i.e. 1/5 or 0) I can not believe that this compromise is taught in schools all across America and we wonder where this ingrained sense of racism comes from?

In regards to the election, I thought it was remarkable how much the race issue was downplayed throughout and I think Obama deserves a lot of credit for that. African-Americans obviously embraced him, but he did not take on that rah rah black man label. He stayed true to his message for all Americans and it paid off in the end. Of course now that the election is over, I have to hear every black man in the country's thoughts on this landmark occasion. Everyone from Donovan McNabb ('Cuse guy, gotta love him) to Carl Winslow to Michael Irvin have shared their thoughts. Surprisingly Irvin actually made a good point. He said that the election of a black man as the next president of the United States resonated with him because the last time he saw his people (his words, not mine) celebrate like this was after the OJ Simpson verdict. He was bothered by that because he said, "Why are we celebrating? Two people are dead." Dare I say that it was more monumental that a crack fiend like Michael Irvin made a good point than Obama getting elected?

While Obama's race is getting a lot of coverage now, it is the amateur puns involving his first name that are infuriating me. If I had seen one more person's facebook status pre or post election that said something like "Barack the vote" or "This country is headed for the Barack bottom" I was going to snap. People expressing their political views on facebook is laughable. To all those people that said they are moving to Canada. Good. If we want to get out of America, then get the fuck out. Put your money where your mouth is. Don't make an immature comment like that because of who our next president is. Your daily life would not be drastically altered no matter who was in office. Shut up and grow up.

Politics aside, here's why you have to like Obama. When asked the one thing he would change in sports during halftime of the Monday Night Football game he said that it's time for a playoff in college football. A perfect, timely answer that many football fans can relate to. Mccain, on the other hand, talked about getting performance enhancing drugs out of sports. That answer would have been good in 2004 and it was just too politically motivated for me. Also, on election day, Obama was so calm, cool, and composed that he played pickup basketball with some friends (apparently it's an election day tradition). I don't care if you dislike Obama's views and policies, you have to like that. And no matter what, we are still the greatest country in the world.

Jungle Fever

I am not a Survivor supporter, nor have I ever been, and I resent the fact that Jeff Probst won an Emmy for his 'hosting skills', but this video is too good to be true.

First of all, Danny "GC" is your typical black man who is excited to learn about his native land and I don't know too many people that would mind if he just stayed there.

Next, we have Charlie, who is like an Ivy league guy, who is smart, but he's not a rocket scientist. Charlie is a bottom that has a lisp and is only on the show to start the fires because he's already flaming.

Then we have Jacquie, who for some reason, flirts with everyone and doesn't know why. Are you serious Jacquie? Every guy on the planet flirts with you because they want to knock your fun bags around in the sack. Don't act so clueless.

Finally, we have Gillian, who delivers perhaps the greatest line of any preview commercial that I have ever seen. "Once Africa gets in you, Africa never gets out." Translation, "Once you go black, you never go back." You can tell that she's thinking about the time that she got impaled with a 14 inch behemoth when she says it too.


Which brings us to the top 3 cases in recent memory, of white girls getting a case of jungle fever.

3.) Tiffany Ortiz


I know that Papi isn't even Africa black (he's Dominican), but I couldn't resist because he is the spitting image of the gorilla shown in the beginning of the clip. I've seen the sort of things that he can do with a Louisville Slugger in his hands and I can't even imagine what kind of damage he can cause with his own lumber.

2.) Ann Dunham (Barack Obama's mother)


Obama's mom had one of the most sever cases of jungle fever that I have ever come across. Obama's father (also named Barack) was Kenyan, as in 100% African, and what are Kenyans most known for? That's right, for their participation in marathons. Obama's mom was getting it allll night long. Along the same lines, I find it odd that Obama doesn't support offshore drilling because you know that during his conception his mom was screaming, "Drill, Baby, Drill."


1.) Heidi Klum


Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder how this happened. Heidi Klum is a world renown supermodel and Seal is savage, who had one good song. I'll be the first to admit when a black man is good looking. For example, Kobe Bryant is a stud. But, Seal? Come onnn. The only logical explanation that I can think of is that Heidi got trashed at some celebrity function and wanted to see what a black man was like in bed. She thought it would be a one time thing, but she got addicted to his gargantuan bamboo stick.





Thanks to John in Chicago, IL for the link