Top 10 Bands of the 1990s

Musical taste is very personal. It’s hard to distinctively say that Band A or Song B are better than Band X or Song Y because the very act of doing so is subjective. Sure, most lists and rankings involve a degree of subjectivity, but there’s usually also some quantitative data. College football rankings are based on wins and losses. World golf rankings are based on a player’s body of work over a certain amount of time. These stats, trends, and averages make it easier to rank college football teams and golfers. The quantitative data available in music just isn’t as cut and dry.

When you rank music you can do the best you can to rely on the Billboard Charts or Grammy nominations, but there are so many different genres of music that things get confusing. What it all comes down to is that music is art and art is judged, felt, and in this case, ranked differently by just about everybody.

I tell you this because a few weeks back some friends and I got to talking about the top 10 bands of the 1990s. The debate lasted for the better part of an hour and even got a little heated when opinions differed significantly. We were able to agree on four or five no brainers in no particular order (ranking them would have led to chaos), but couldn’t come to a consensus about the rest because people were suggesting bands that wouldn’t even make my top 50 (Cake).

Now that they aren’t here to argue with me I’ll present my top 10 for you.

10.) Foo Fighters



The Foo Fighters are one of those bands that have spanned a few decades, so they are tough to place, but they make my cut mainly because of their 1997 album The Colour and the Shape. That album featured three classic Foo Fighter songs in “Monkey Wrench”, “My Hero”, and “Everlong”. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but when I was in 7th grade my older brother Jimmy (in 9th grade at the time) played “My Hero” and “Everlong” every morning before we walked down to the bus stop.

Band origin- Seattle, WA (1994)
Genre- post grunge, pop rock
Influential 90s album- The Colour and the Shape (1997)
Top 90s songs- “My Hero”, “Monkey Wrench”, “Everlong”


9.) No Doubt



If you hear a No Doubt song and don’t think of the 90s then something is wrong with you. Their sound screams 90s. Plus, Gwen Stefani was a legitimate sex symbol at the height of their fame.

Band origin- Anaheim, CA (1986)
Genre- new wave, fusion rock
Influential 90s album- Tragic Kingdom (1995)
Top 90s songs- “Spiderwebs”, “Don’t Speak”, “I’m Just A Girl”


8.) Collective Soul



Probably the biggest wild card in my top 10, but I think they are a worthy band. I know of and really like five of their songs from the decade, which is a lot.

Band origin- Stockbridge, GA (1992)
Genre- post grunge, alternative rock
Influential 90s albums- Collective Soul (1995), Dosage (1999)
Top 90s songs- “Shine”, “Heavy”, “Run”, December”, “The World I Know”

7.) Rage Against the Machine



Rage not only had a unique sound (thanks largely in part to the voice of Zack de la Rocha), but they were also incredibly popular while still seeming authentic. They were anti-establishment, cared about the music, and wouldn’t cave to a sponsor or record label and yet they had a huge following and won multiple Grammys.

Band origin- Los Angeles, CA (1991)
Genre- rap/alternative metal
Influential 90s album- Battle for Los Angeles (1999)
Top 90s songs- “Bulls on Parade”, “Killing in the Name”, “Guerilla Radio”, “Calm Like a Bomb”

6.) Smashing Pumpkins



If I put together a list of the Top 100 songs from the 90s (future blog post?) “1979” would definitely be in the top 5. Music and memory are tied together in such a way that certain songs remind me of specific times and experiences from my life. When I hear “1979” I go back to Mrs. Zacharek’s 4th grade class at St. Matthew’s grammar school.

Band origin- Chicago, IL (1988)
Genre- alternative rock
Influential 90s album- Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (1995)
Top 90s songs- “1979”, “Tonight, Tonight”, “Today”, “Disarm”, “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”

5.) Dave Matthews Band



They are still incredibly popular to this day, but the majority of their success came in the mid to late 90s. In fact, I would argue that most of the Dave Mathews songs that you know were on their first three albums. When you get high/hammered at their concerts you hope that they play “Ants Marching”, “Crash Into Me”, and “Two Step”.

Band origin- Charlottesville, VA
Genre- blue grass rock
Influential 90s albums- Under the Table and Dreaming (1994), Crash (1996)
Top 90s songs- “Ants Marching”, “Satellite”, “Crash Into Me”, “Two Step”, “Warehouse”

4.) Green Day



Green Day came to prominence in the 90s. They were instrumental in reviving the punk rock movement that bands like The Ramones started in the 70s. The Dookie (1994) album is one of my favorites of all time. In fact, it made my list of the Top 10 albums back in 2009. They also get major bonus points for having a song (Good Riddance) featured in the series finale of the best 90s television show (Seinfeld).

Band origin- East Bay, CA (1987)
Genre- punk rock
Influential 90s album- Dookie (1994)
Top 90s songs- “Brain Stew”, “Good Riddance”, “Basket Case”, “When I Come Around”

3.) Nirvana



Nirvana is probably the band from the 90s that immediately comes to mind when you do this exercise. They are rightfully credited for taking the grunge movement mainstream, but I think their success is elevated because of the death of Kurt Cobain. This isn’t to say that they weren’t great. They were. Their video for “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is the second most famous of all time (behind only Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”). All I’m saying is that they are idolized because Kurt Cobain died at or near the peak of their fame. Because of this (un)fortunate timing we always think of him, and Nirvana, as being great. We never got to see the down side of his career and there definitely would have been a downside because no one stays a top the mountain forever.

Band origin- Aberdeen, WA (1987)
Genre- grunge
Influential 90s album- Nevermind (1991)
Top 90s songs- “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, “Come As You Are”, “Lithium”

2.) Pearl Jam



They were probably never the best band at any given time in the 90s, but they were always in the conversation. They came off the heels of Nirvana and because of this no one could ever conceivably think of them as being better than their predecessors. I would argue that their longevity and total body of work make them arguably more influential than their Washington counterparts. I also think that they’re one of those bands that have a lot more hits than people realize. A similar thing happened to me when I bought a Def Leppard CD. At the time I thought I only knew two of their songs, but it turned out that I knew 7 or 8.

Band origin- Seattle, WA (1990)
Genre- alternative, grunge rock
Influential 90s album- Ten (1991)
Top 90s songs- “Jeremy”, “Better Man”, “Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town”, “Yellow Ledbetter”, “Alive”


1.) Red Hot Chili Peppers




They released four albums in the 80s, but their real breakthrough success came after they signed with Warner Bros. Records in 1990. The Rock and Roll Hall of Famers achieved pop success, but are also admired by the hardcore rockers of the world. They don’t have a mainstream sound, but they have a mainstream following even to this day. They deserve a lot of credit for bookending the decade with their best work- Blood Sugar Sex Magik (1991) and Californication (1999). I also think it’s cool that the most famous band member (Flea) is their bassist and arguably their second most famous member (Dave Navarro- he’s more famous for what he’s done outside of RHCP, but it still counts) left after only a 3 year stint in the mid 90s. It should also be noted that “Under the Bridge” served as a pump up song for me when I was 17. It’s slow, but something about it got me in the mood to hit people in football.

Band origin- Los Angeles, CA (1983)
Genre- alternative, funk rock
Influential 90s albums- Blood Sugar Sex Magik (1991), Californication (1999)
Top 90s songs- “Under the Bridge”, “Suck My Kiss”, “Give it Away”, “Scar Tissue”, “Californication”


Other bands receiving votes (alphabetical)- Alice in Chains, Barenaked Ladies, Bush, The Goo Goo Dolls, Hootie and the Blowfish, Korn, Matchbox Twenty, Nine Inch Nails, Oasis, The Offspring, Radiohead, R.E.M., Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Sublime, Third Eye Blind

These Kids Aren't Alright

As many of you know I consider myself to be something of a television connoisseur. I DVR more shows than you would imagine. Every once in a while though a television product will slip through the cracks of my screening process and I’ll be left in the dark when it becomes a hot button topic in the pop culture media. Case in point- I’ve never watched an episode of Lost or The Sopranos and most people consider those to be 2 of the best shows of all time. This happened again recently when I noticed a lot of buzz around the AMC show Breaking Bad. I knew the premise of the show- a high school chemistry teacher starts making crystal meth, but I never got around to watching it even though the actors (Bryan Cranston (perhaps best known as Tim Whatley from Seinfeld) and Aaron Paul) racked up Emmy awards year after year. A few months ago my friend Kyle Korver strongly encouraged me to get into the show. He said, “If you’re not watching Breaking Bad you’re missing out,” and he was right. So in the past two weeks I’ve run through the first 3 seasons on Netflix. The season 4 finale aired on AMC a few weeks back so I still have some catching up to do.

I’m not blown away by the show, but there’s no debating its entertainment value. I’d probably give it a 7 out of 10 or 3.7 out of 5 (Netflix subscribers, assuming there are any anymore, know that the rating system is out of 5). It is interesting on some level that shows involving a particular drug are so critically acclaimed. Think about it. Showtime’s Weeds was about marijuana, HBO’s The Wire was about cocaine (at least Season One was- the only one I’ve seen), and AMC’s Breaking Bad is about crystal meth. How many heroin, shrooms, and LSD scripts do you think are out there?

Breaking Bad committed a folly that I see all too often in television series. They cast an annoying child that serves virtually no purpose other than to keep the mother and father of the child in contact with each other. I get why shows do it, but I don’t understand why so many of these children need to be so fucking annoying.

If there was an Emmy for annoying kid in a television series these would be my nominees.

Walter Jr. in Breaking Bad



I can get past the cerebral palsy and the crutches, but the slurred speech, decision to go by Flynn, and stupid website gets to me.


Shane in Weeds



I only watched the first three seasons of this show and what put me over the edge was this little twerp driving a truck/Winnebago (I forget) at the age of 8 and his insistence to move from Southern California to Pittsburgh.


Becca in Californication



She’s ugly, talks in the most annoying voice ever, dresses in all black, is in a shitty punk band, and goes from one extreme mood to the other. I hate her. She is an example of a disgusting child spawned from good looking parents. It also happens the other way where two unattractive people create a gorgeous child.


Sally in Mad Men



She thinks that her baby brother is the ghost of her grandfather plus she smokes a cigarette, drives a car, sees a shrink and finger blasts herself at age 8. Her 2nd grade teacher is a smokeshow though. If this was real life she'd grow up and become a whore.


Astor in Dexter



She’s as irritating as any 14 year old minor character could be. She’s always whining about something, asking Dexter why he hates her, and getting drunk with her random friend.


I don't think there's any doubt that Becca would take home the hardware. She sucks.

Boomshakalaka

On Friday April 16th, an Iranian cleric named Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi blamed recent earthquakes on women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuosly.

He said, "Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes."

Of course, Sedighi's words fired up feminists everywhere. An English women, named Jennifer McCreight, was so perturbed by this cleric's comments that she organized a movement called "Boobquake" to prove him wrong. Within days of launching the "Boobquake" Facebook page over 20,000 females joined McCreight in promising to show as much cleavage as possible on Monday, April 26th (or as I like to call it, today).

“On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own,” McCreight wrote. “Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. “I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that’s your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I’m sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn’t rumble.”

I was all set to blog about this day and celebrate cleavage like I never have before. I even had this Seinfeld clip ready to go.



Then I saw this.....

Taiwan - A quake of Magnitude 6.5 hit Taiwan’s coastal area, the US geological survey said. The quake was so strong that it made the buildings sway in the capital, Taipei. There were no damages of collapse of buildings in and around Taipei or Taiwan, and there was no threat of a Tsunami too.

Yeah, that's right. McCreight rolled the dice and assumed that there wouldn't be an earthquake today, but boy was she wrong.

As the blogger for NYC.BarstoolSports.com (where I first saw this story) put it:

"Talk about your ALL TIME worst backfires. According to her blog, she’s making the rounds today on like every major media outlet in the world. I’m talkin BBC and CNN and shit. So have fun answering questions about how you caused a quake you destructive bitch. Somewhere that Iranian Cleric is lighting up a cigar like Red Auerbach celebrating this victory.

And as for Jenny Earthquake, she says the 6.5 quake in Taiwan is not “statistically significant” enough to prove theres a direct correlation to tits and tremors. Tell that to the poor bastards in Taiwan swaying in skyscrapers for half a minute. Cover those bombs up before someone gets hurt."

Hold on a minute here, a 6.5? That seems pretty significant to me. Doesn't the (Mike) Richter scale only go up to 9.9?

Either way it's still...

Iranian clerics 1
Feminists 0

The New Verbiage

The following comes mostly from an article on one of my favorite shows on TV: How I Met Your Mother (Mondays at 8pm on CBS). I have interspersed my own comments in italics throughout.

How I Met Your Mother: The New Verbiage

There have been a lot of great television shows over the years, but how many have made greater contributions beyond sheer entertainment? And we're not talking about educating people about AIDS or teen pregnancy or anything like that; we're talking about contributing to the English language. Not since Seinfeld introduced us to "close talkers" and "the manssiere" has a show taught us more catchphrases and terminology than How I Met Your Mother.

Even when they're merely using an existing word in a new way -- or just a funnier way -- it feels like the show is teaching us new ways to talk, and, by extension, to live. Here are just a few ways HIMYM has upgraded our personal lexicons.

As far as Seinfeld terms and phrases go I'd also add "you are soooo good looking" and "you think you're better than me? It's go time", along with many, many others.

Reachers and Settlers



In every relationship, there is a Reacher and a Settler. The Reacher is the one who has landed a mate who is in the upper end of their acquirability range, possibly even out of their league. The Settler is the one who has chosen someone in the lower end of their range, knowing full well that they could do better but choosing to go with a lesser catch. Because the Reacher knows that their grasp is tenuous, they are frequently jealous of other potential suitors, while the Settler tends to not be jealous, knowing that the Reacher is unlikely to find anyone better. Supposedly, Marshall is the Reacher in his relationship with Lily, although Lily's violent jealousy confuses the matter somewhat. (Note: If you are in a relationship, it is not wise to discuss who is the Reacher and who is the Settler. That way leads to hurt feelings.)

I've always referred to this phenomenon as "overachievers and underachievers", but this works too. In college I knew a girl that was a classic underachiever/settler. She was smokin' hot, but somehow always hooked up with kids that weren't even close to being on her level. I don't know if it was a confidence issue or what, but it was baddd.

Also, not that I'm in the life lesson giving business, but I don't think that people should ever settle.


On the Hook



When one attempts to steer a potential romantic conquest back to one's apartment, one uses "bait." That bait may be a record collection (Ted), a rap poster (Marshall), a slot machine, a trampoline or a teacup pig (all Barney), but whatever it is, it is designed to lure the object of desire and perhaps get them "on the hook," i.e. romantically interested. However, if someone is on the hook and their romantic feelings are not reciprocated, the "hookee" is doomed to stay on the hook until the "hooker" either reels them in (initiates a relationship), or throws them back in the water (spells out their lack of interest). To keep the hookee on the hook, perhaps as a "safety," the hooker will often say they can't be a couple "right now," implying a future in which them being together is a possibility.

Having someone on your hook is akin to leading them on and I think we can all relate to that. Either we've led someone on (perhaps unintentionally) or we've been led on ourselves. I mean, it's nice to know that you have options, but stringing someone along is cruel.

PS- I can't blame Ted for being on Carrie Underwood's hook. She's in my top 5 of current celebrity crushes along with Lea Michele, Natalie Portman, Lizzy Caplan, and Zooey Deschanel.


New Relationship Syndrome



Also called "New Relationship Smugness," this is the pattern of behavior demonstrated by new couples who think that they have relationships figured out because they live in a world free of conflict. Upon witnessing a couple that argues or disagrees with each other in any way, they immediately assume that that relationship is "in trouble" and try to fix it. Barney and Robin felt that way when they heard about Marshall and Lily's differing dishwashing philosophies, but then, we all know how long their relationship lasted, don't we?


The Mosby



So say there's someone who's interested in you, but you're not interested in them? Marshall has a surefire way to get them to back off, quick. It's called "The Mosby," named for Ted Mosby, who, on his first date with Robin, declared his love for her, thereby causing Robin to slow things down immediately. The two wouldn't date again for the rest of the season. So when Robin needed a way to let a smitten Barney down easily, all she had to do was tell him she loved him, and he immediately lost interest. Mosbied! Granted, that would probably only work on Barney, who typically sees declarations of affection (even his own) as a sign of weakness.

Yeah, no chance this would work in real life. Maybe I should have gone with, "Ted Mosby: Architect", but then I would've gotten into "The Playbook", etc.


Doppelganger



The MacLaren's gang has so far spotted doppelgangers for three out of five of its members. Robin's doppelganger is a short-haired lesbian seen walking in the street with a softball glove. Marshall's is a mustachioed Spanish-language lawyer named "Senor Justicia" who advertises on the sides of buses. And Lily's double is a stripper of Eastern European extraction named Jasmine. We expect to see the other two in due time.

Not only is doppelganger an awesome word because sounds like it's poop related, but it's actually very appropriate because it's another term for a look-a-like.

It's probably because I have a very keen eye (I got new glasses last week), but I've seen plenty of doppelgangers in my day. For example, there was a freshman that used to play basketball at the Rec Plex when I was a senior in college that looked exactly like one of my roommates. For a few months a bunch of us tried to arrange a meeting, but it always fell through. To be honest I feared that worlds might collide if the two were ever in the same room together, but plans for a meeting persisted. Finally the two met, thought that they were looking into a mirror, and about 33764763 pictures (actually more like 3) were taken, but for some reason I can't find any of them.

I would be remiss if I didn't include this picture of my friends and a kid (in the middle) that they seem to think looks like my long lost twin brother.




Front Porch Test



Whenever Ted's been dating a girl for a while, Lily subjects her to the Front Porch Test, in which Lily imagines herself, Marshall, Ted and the girl sitting on the porch of their beach house in their 70s. If Lily can't see it happening, she does what she has to do to split Ted and the girl up. After manipulating Ted to dump a string of girls in college, Lily planted an earring in Ted's bed to get Karen to dump him, then admitted to having kinda-sorta encouraged Ted and Robin to have the talk that led to them breaking up.

I think a lot of people do things like this when thinking about their boyfriend/girlfriend. The Front Porch Test is obviously a long term one, but I think there are plenty of "tests" that a potential mate has to pass. The Family Dinner Test, The Night Out with the Highschool Friends Test, The Concert/Sporting Event Test, etc.


Murtaugh List



Everybody knows what a bucket list is -- it's the list of things you want to do before you die. A Murtaugh list is the exact opposite -- it's a list of things you have to stop doing, right now, before you die. Named after Sgt. Roger Murtaugh of the Lethal Weapon franchise, these are the things that make you say, "I'm too old for this shit/stuff." Ted's Murtaugh list includes doing an all-nighter, going to a rave, sleeping on a futon, piercing your own ear and TP'ing a laser tag establishment, a list that Barney actually makes it nearly all the way through in 24 hours, although he comes out a little worse for the wear.

My Murtaugh list:

sleeping on the floor
funneling brews
smoking weed
video games


"Reading a Magazine"



Marshall has a problem. He doesn't like... "reading a magazine" with other people around. No big deal, it happens to all of us. But he really doesn't like it. In fact, he would rather go all the way to his and Ted's old apartment to "read a magazine" than use his office bathroom. Because everyone he works with can see him bringing the magazine in there, and they know what he's going to do: He's gonna take a crap. (No, Barney, he's not going to masturbate.) Luckily, Marshall got over it, and eventually learned to "read a magazine" with pride. Hopefully, the magazines have stopped speaking to him, too. No, not "magazines." Just regular magazines. That would be gross.

I'll be honest, for the majority of the episode I, like Barney, thought that "reading a magazine" meant masturbating. Pooping in public is a concern for many people though. I, a proud pooper, am even a bit hesitant when it comes to unleashing the fury at work. Turning a communal bathroom into a fume filled hazardous zone simply isn't fun for anybody. While I appreciate the show's handling of this issue, I don't think the term "reading a magazine" is applicable in real life.

On a related note, I was actually thinking the other day that girls are much smarter than guys when it comes to contributing to the flush fund. They take forever in the bathroom regardles of whether it's a one or a two on the agenda. Lord only knows what they're doing, but their indeterminant time spent in the bathroom serves as great cover when they actually have to pinch a loaf.

Guys, on the other hand, are much different. Whenever a guy has to pee he is all business. He drains the dragon, washes his hands, and exits right away. Staying in a male bathroom for an iota longer than they have to is unheard of for a guy. Maybe it's that we're competitive and feel like everything's a race or maybe it's that we're afraid of a girl thinking that we're plopping down in there.


The Naked Man



When a man is on a first date, he can tell whether or not there will be a second date, based on how attractive the woman is, how attractive he is and what sort of chemistry exists. Now, if a man finds himself in a losing situation, he can do two things: he can accept it, see the date to its conclusion, say good-bye and never see that woman again, or he can go for it. All or nothing. Cards on the table. One of Robin's dates chooses the latter. He chooses the Naked Man. When Robin is out of the room, he takes off all of his clothes and presents himself to her upon her return. There are a variety of poses to choose from (the Thinker, the Heisman, the Captain Morgan), and it supposedly works two out of three times. When it works on Robin, the rest of the MacLaren gang decide to try it out. Ted uses it successfully on a girl he doesn't want to take things further with, Lily pulls a Naked Woman on Marshall and ends an argument, and Barney... is thrown out of his disgusted date's apartment without his clothes, wallet or cell phone. Two out of three times, every time.

Now let me just say that this takes some serious kahunas to even attempt (pun, although terrible, intended). I also don't think it would work 2 out of 3 times. I'd go more with 1 out of 20.

I think the real question here, though, is what pose to present your Naked Man in. They offered some great suggestions in the episode and I'm still not sure which one I'd go with (probably because there's no way I'd ever even consider doing this).


Woo Girl



When Lily agreed to go out with a co-worker of hers and get a drink at a cowgirl bar, she had no idea that the woman was a Woo Girl -- that is, a woman who, when excited about something, raises her hand (or hands) or drink (or drinks) above her head and yells "Woooo!" They can be excited about pretty much anything -- it doesn't need to be particularly important, or even something anyone should be proud of. Woo Girls usually travel in packs, and "woo" in unison. Lily is further shocked when she finds out that Robin is also a Woo Girl, and finds herself being left out of Woo Girl gatherings. Lily then tries to be a Woo Girl, too, but Robin points out that she does not "Woo."

This term is incredibly accurate. Not to get deep on you, but "Woo Girl" is a sugar-coated way of saying immature. A lot of high school and college girls "Woo", but at some point they all realize that they have to grow up and become adults.


Suit Up!



If Barney were to give only one piece of advice -- and this is pure speculation, because the man gives advice about everything, whether it's asked for or not -- it would be to get a suit. Suits make you look cool and responsible, and that's why Barney always asks Ted to "Suit up!" before they go out to a bar. Unfortunately, Ted rarely listens, and when he does it's usually just a blazer, which is not a suit. The phrase can also be modified to describe the specific suit needed for a given event, as in "Snowsuit up!" (used when Barney was building the aforementioned igloo), "Flightsuit up!" (when Barney needed a wingman for his Top Gun Halloween costume) and "Penguin suit up!" (another Barney Halloween costume; he goes through about three a night).

This was one of the first terms that the show introduced and it's probably the one that fans of the show use most often. Whenever I wear a suit (which is maybe once a year) I make about 3-4 comments that are "Suit Up!" related. In fact, if I as much as saw a friend wearing a suit I would probably say something to the effect of, "Nice to see that you suited up."


Lawyered!



Marshall was often left out of the single-guy adventures of Ted and Barney -- not just because he was lucky enough to hook up with Lily in his freshman year at college and hang onto her for over nine years, but because he was studying to be a lawyer, which required a lot of late nights, heavy books and long research papers. However, his finely honed analytic mind gives him an advantage over the others, allowing him to see gaps in logic and to solve mysteries beyond the ken of an architect and... whatever it is that Barney does. Hence the rise of Marshall's lone catchphrase, "Lawyered!" While not as ubiquitous as "Suit up," he did put it to great use in proving that prostitution was not, in fact, the world's oldest profession. (It was fishing -- after all, where did cavemen get the fish to pay the prostitutes with?)

This is undoubtedly the best phrase that the show has created. By making the word lawyer a verb (unless it already was, I don't know these things) the show's writers have given Marshall the equivalent of a wrestler's finishing move. Whenever he knows that he has won an argument, legal or otherwise, he drops this phrase on the person he was arguing with and it's over. This is a great term to use among friends, but it's probably 87827353 times better if whoever uses it is actually a lawyer.


General Knowledge!



Technically an inside-joke between Ted and Robin, the use of common, everyday phrases as humorous military titles is not new. For examples, see The Simpsons' "Corporal Punishment," South Park's General Disarray," and Spaceballs' "Major A**hole." But Ted and Robin's penchant for spotting these kinds of phrases in conversations, repeating them in unison and then saluting ("General Knowledge!" "Major Buzzkill!") is exactly the kind of cute, couple-y behavior that friends would start to find aggravating after a while, which is what makes the whole conceit so believable. And while we would never repeat these phrases ourselves -- or, God forbid, salute them -- we can't help but smile every time we hear one spoken aloud, as we think of the adorable Ted and Robin, and how much we want to slap them.

I actually thought this was pretty funny and I think I would definitely laugh if I saw someone do it in real life.

Here are some examples that I thought of off the top of my head.

Major headache
Private matter
General vicinity
Lieutenant Governor
Major organs
Private quarters


The Hot/Crazy Scale



Perhaps Barney's most scientific contribution to the world of dating, the Hot/Crazy Scale is a handy chart indicating how hot a woman has to be in order to make her craziness tolerable in a relationship. As long as the woman isn't crazier than she is hot, she should fall just north of the Vicki Mendoza Diagonal, named for an ex of Barney's who would increase in hotness (losing ten pounds, getting a boob job) even as she increased in crazy (shaving her head, stabbing Barney with a fork). But beware -- if the scales start to tip in the favor of crazy, the woman can fall inside the Shelley Gillespie Zone, named for yet another of Barney's exes, who gained 20 pounds and tried to kill him with a brick. Was she crazy? Or did she just know about Barney's chart? Our money's on the latter.

Gotta love the reference to the Mendoza line, which for you non sports fans is a baseball term for hitting above or below .200.


And from Monday night's episode.....

Drunk or kid?



This term/game is currently sweeping the nation. The idea here is to guess whether someone was drunk or a kid when they did something ridiculous or when something ridiculous happened to them. For example, after Marshall says that he once dropped some bottle rockets in the toilet and then tried to dry them off in the microwave, Robin says that he must have been drunk off of his ass. Barney, however, thinks the act was too stupid for a adult to do, so he suggests that Marshall was a kid when it happened. Well, as it turned out, he was drunk.

March Madness

Now that the first two rounds of the NCAA tournament are complete I can finally get back in the business of blogging. These past 4 days have been absolutely wild. The upsets, the close calls, the buzzer beaters. It's no wonder that many well respected people in the sports media refer to this past weekend as the best 4 days of the year in sports. The NCAA tournament literally takes over the national spotlight. It's pretty crazy even if you only think about it from that standpoint. Everywhere you look the games are on. Everywhere you go people are talking about their brackets.

With the field of 65 on the minds of most Americans, you also start to see some non-sports related brackets. In fact, on Thursday my brother Pat sent me a link to this bracket of Seinfeld characters. I loved the idea, but it was so poorly put together that I decided to make my own. My version of the bracket looks awesome in Paint, but it doesn't translate well to the format of this blog so you're just going to have to make do with how I've laid it out for you. Now when it comes to my picks, there isn't much of a method to this version of March Madness. I sort of just went with which character I like more, or which character I think is funnier, or what character is more relevant, etc.

And now without further ado:


Monk’s Region (Picture your bracket. This region would be the one on the top left of the page)

(1) Jerry Seinfeld
(16) Slippery Pete

(8) Gillian (man hands)
(9) Joe Mayo

(5) Mr./Mrs. Ross
(12) Jimmy

(4) Estelle Costanza
(13) Mr. Lippman

(6) Sue Ellen Mishke
(11) Mr. Bookman

(3) J Peterman
(14) Kevin/Gene/Feldman

(7) Jack Klompus
(10) Russell Dalrimple

(2) David Puddy
(15) Tony the mimbo


Reggies’s Region (bottom left)

(1) George Costanza
(16) Pam

(8) Mr. Pitt
(9) Donna Chang

(5) Tim Whatley
(12) Franklin Delano Romanowski

(4) George Steinbrenner
(13) Darin the intern

(6) The Soup Nazi
(11) Jake Jarmel

(3) Uncle Leo
(14) Nina

(7) Marla the virgin
(10) Crazy Joe Devola

(2) Susan Ross
(15) Claire (hellllooo)


Mendy’s Region (top right)

(1) Kramer
(16) Fragile Frankie Merman

(8) The Maestro
(9) Sidra (Teri Hatcher)

(5) Mickey Abbott
(12) Little Jerry

(4) Morty Seinfeld
(13) Rachel

(6) Lloyd Braun
(11) Dolores (Mulva)

(3) Jackie Chiles
(14) Miss Rhode Island

(7) Babu
(10) Stan the caddy

(2) Frank Costanza
(15) Todd Gack


Kenny Roger’s Region (bottom right)

(1) Elaine Benes
(16) Jane (Erika)

(8) Bob/Cedric
(9) Poppie

(5) Helen Seinfeld
(12) The Drake

(4) Kenny Bania
(13) Izzy Mandelbaum

(6) Keith Hernandez
(11) Jack (The Wiz)

(3) Kruger
(14) Bob Sacamano

(7) Mr. Wilhelm
(10) Ping

(2) Newman
(15) Tony the mechanic


So there's the empty bracket. If you want to fill one out, but don't want to be skewed by my picks, then do so now. I'll wait.....

OK, here are my region by region picks, which are then followed by my picks for the Final Four and Finals.

Monk's Region

First Round

(1) Jerry over (16) Slippery Pete- Slippery Pete won’t be able to find the few holes in Jerry’s game.

(8) Gillian (man hands) over (9) Joe Mayo-No chance that Mayo will be able to stop her from tapping on the glass.

(12) Jimmy over (5) Mr./Mrs. Ross- "Jimmy's under the boards. Jimmy's in the open. Jimmy makes the shot."

(4) Estelle Costanza over (13) Mr. Lippman- She won't be giving out the water pick here.

(6) Sue Ellen Mishke over (11) Mr. Bookman- It’s hard to get Bookman rattled, but Mishke’s free swinging, freewheeling attitude just might do it.

(3) J Peterman over (14) Kevin-Gene-Feldman- If they can't handle an Elaine push, there's no way that the bizzaro group can hang with Peterman's experience.

(7) Jack Klompus over (10) Russell Dalrimple- I have a funny feeling that Dalrimple’s pregame meal of pasta primavera might slow him down a bit.

(2) Puddy over (15) Tony the mimbo- Puddy may be a recovering germaphobe who listens to Christian rock, but there's no way he loses to a male bimbo, even if that male bimbo has "a perfect face."

Second Round

(1) Jerry over (8) Gillian (man hands)- “It’s not a twist off.”

(12) Jimmy over (4) Estelle Costanza- Jimmy’s real sweet on making it to the Sweet 16 and he can thank his sneakers for getting him there.

(3) J Peterman over (6) Sue Ellen Mishke- Peterman’s gameplan- “Here's the angle: Zelda Fitzgerald, aaaand, somebody in the 20s, wearing this (a bra as a top) at wild parties, driving all the men crazy.”

(2) Puddy over (7) Jack Klompus- Puddy’s a face painter. Do you really think he’s going to lose to an old man?

Regional Semifinals

(1) Jerry over (12) Jimmy- "Ooohhh!!!!! JIMMY'S DOWN.”

(2) Puddy over (3) J Peterman- Peterman's downfall may be his past affliction with drug use. He first got hooked on white lotus/yam-yam/Shanghai Sally in 1979 travelling the Yangtzee in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest. He got to the market after sundown and all of the clothing traders had gone, but a different sort of trader still lurked about. "Just a taste," the trader said. That was all it took.

Regional Finals

(2) Puddy over (1) Jerry- Puddy changed his whole offensive scheme after Jerry called him a hack for using his move (even though he did the pinch at the end instead of the swirl) and his new stuff is just as effective.


Reggie's Region

First Round

(1) George Costanza over (16) Pam- Jerry and Kramer might be gaga over Pam, but Costanza’s isn’t. He’s ruthless.

(9) Donna Chang over (8) Mr. Pitt-With his socks not fitting perfectly there’s no chance that Mr. Pitt will be able to focus.

(5) Tim Whatley over (12) FDR- Even a snowball to the face won't stop Whatley. In fact, he might re-gift the snowball and beat FDR at his own game.

(4) George Steinbrenner over (13) Darin the intern- Close one, but I had to side with the Big Stein.

(6) The Soup Nazi over (11) Jake Jarmel- Jarmel will be too concerned about his glasses to get past The Soup Nazi’s stingy defense.

(3) Uncle Leo over (14) Nina- Nina might be a smooth conversationalist, but Uncle Leo is all awkward pauses.

(10) Crazy Joe Devola over (7) Marla the virgin- “SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!”

(15) Claire (Helllo) over (2) Susan Ross- Good bye Susannn, la la la.

Second Round

(1) George Costanza over (9) Donna Chang- Costanza will show no mercy as his parents almost got divorced because she isn’t Chinese.

(5) Tim Whatley over (4) George Steinbrenner- Ken Phelps’ bat isn’t good enough to get past Whatley.

(3) Uncle Leo over (6) The Soup Nazi- Jerry….H-E-L-L-O

(10) Crazy Joe Devola over (15) Claire (Helllo)- “I mean is that all it does? Hello? La-la-la.”

Regional Semi Finals

(1) George Costanza over (5) Tim Whatley- Oh, this team has got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the ying-yang!

(3) Uncle Leo over (10) Crazy Joe Devola- “A man like you could be dating women twenty years younger. C'mon Uncle Leo, I've seen the way women look at you. When's the last time you looked in a mirror? You're an Adonis! You've got beautiful features, lovely skin, you're in the prime of your life here, you should be swinging. If I were you I'd tell this Lydia character, "It's been real," move back into that bachelor pad and put out a sign; Open for business.”

Regional Finals

(1) George Costanza over (3) Uncle Leo- “Look at you, you're disgusting. You're bald, you're paunchy, all kinds of sounds are emanating from your body twenty-four hours a day. If there's a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like grim death. Which is not far off, by the way.”


Mendy's Region

First Round

(1) Kramer over (16) Fragile Frankie Merman- Start digging the hole, the K Man will TCB in this one.

(9) Sidra (Teri Hatcher) over (8) The Maestro- This team is real and they’re spectacular.

(5) Mickey Abbott over (12) Little Jerry- Little Jerry may be a lean, mean pecking machine, but Mickey flips the switch like few teams in the tournament.

(4) Morty Seinfeld over (13) Rachel- No one makes out with Morty’s son during Schindler’s List.

(6) Lloyd Braun over (11) Dolores (Mulva)- Braun is one of the streakiest teams in the field. His A game is top notch (an advisor to Mayor Dinkins), but he may also be mentally unstable.

(3) Jackie Chiles over (14) Miss Rhode Island- I can see Jackie becoming outraged at only being a #3 seed (even though it may be too generous). "It’s lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!"

(10) Stan the caddy over (7) Babu- “You're close, you're on the green. You just have to go for the cup.”

(2) Frank Costanza over (15) Todd Gack- You want a piece of Frank? “You got it!”

Second Round

(1) Kramer over (9) Sidra (Teri Hatcher)- Sidra may have a great rack, but Kramer is the ASSMAN. Plus, he has the kavorka...the lure of the animal.

(4) Morty Seinfeld over (5) Mickey Abbott- The world’s #1 dad survives and advances.

(6) Lloyd Braun over (3) Jackie Chiles- Jackie may be too busy focusing on other teams (Sidra) in the region.

(2) Frank Costanza over (10) Stan the caddy- He’s like a Phoenix, rising from Arizona.

Regional Semi Finals

(1) Kramer over (4) Morty Seinfeld- When an opponent becomes difficult he “quones” them.

(2) Frank Costanza over (6) Lloyd Braun- “Serenity now. Insanity later.” Frank might explode on Braun and turn this one into a literal blow out.

Regional Finals

(1) Kramer over (2) Frank Costanza- It’s the bro, not the mansierre.


Kenny Roger's Region

First Round

(1) Elaine Benes over (16) Jane/Erika- Jane might get out to an early lead, but Elaine will take over in the second half and show no mercy. She won’t even spare a square.

(8) Bob/Cedric over (9) Poppie- Poppie’s been known to have controversial stances, so let’s hope he’s in favor of gay marriage or else this one might get ugly.

(12) The Drake over (5) Helen Seinfeld- I love the Drake.

(4) Kenny Bania over (13) Izzy Mandelbaum- “You think you’re better than me? It’s go time.” Sorry Izzy, but Bania’s got you beat.

(11) Jack (the Wiz) over (6) Keith Hernandez- Nobody beats him.

(3) Kruger over (14) Bob Sacamano- “K-uger, that sounds like one of them old time car horns, eh? K-UGER! K-UGER!”

(7) Mr. Wilhelm over (10) Ping- From what I hear, Mr. Wilhelm is pretty good from downtown.

(2) Newman over (15) Tony the mechanic- Newman. The white whale! “I’ll tell you a little secret about zip codes: they're meaningless.”

Second Round

(1) Elaine Benes over (8) Bob/Cedric- Upset alert because Elaine eats big salads and Bob/Cedric toss them? “Get out!”

(4) Kenny Bania over (12) The Drake- I hate the Drake.

(3) Kruger over (11) Jack (the Wiz)- “Kruger, my son tells me that your company stinks!” Others may be low on Kruger, but not me.

(2) Newman over (7) Mr. Wilhelm-
Elaine- “Perhaps there's more to Newman than meets the eye.”
Jerry- “No. There’s less.”

Regional Semi Finals

(4) Kenny Bania over (1) Elaine Benes- He went from a size 40 suit to a 42. He’s huge.

(2) Newman over (3) Kruger- “Pretty hot under these lights, eh?”

Regional Finals

(2) Newman over (4) Kenny Bania- When you control the mail, you control... information.


Final Four

(1) George Costanza over (2) David Puddy- An opposing coach once said of Costanza’s strategy, “It's a perfect plan. So inspired. So devious. Yet so simple.” This is what he does.

(1) Kramer over (2) Newman- Not only did Kramer have that game of Risk in the bag, but he also knows his opponent very well.

KRAMER: All right. Now you listen, and you listen good. I know who you are.
You're the scofflaw.
NEWMAN: What're you talking about...
KRAMER: Ah, don't play dumb. It's me, Cosmo.
NEWMAN: All right, so it's me. So what?
KRAMER: You don't think I know how you're feeling, every second of the day?
Looking over your shoulder to see if someone's coming up from behind. Sitting
alone at night, knowing they could be closing in.
NEWMAN: I can't sleep, I tell you! I can't sleep!
KRAMER: Ga, of course you can't, you poor sap! Now why didn't you tell me?
NEWMAN: I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone.
KRAMER: So you been living this secret the whole time by yourself?
NEWMAN: Yes, it's been awful. I wanted to tell somebody. (pleading)
Help me Kramer! Help me!

Finals

(1) George Costanza over (1) Kramer- He’s disturbed, he’s depressed, he’s inadequate, he’s got it all!




What do you think of my bracket? Did I snub anyone? What about my picks? Am I all chalk? Can Costanza be beaten?

Mid 20's

As of 5:24 a.m. (which, in case you were wondering, stands for ante meridiem) yesterday, I have officially been on the earth for 24 years and counting. Although, like most people, I love the adulation that comes with having a birthday party, I chose to keep my 24th rather low key. In fact, I rang in the dawn of my mid 20's at the office.

Of course I've had plenty of birthday moments in my day including, but not limited to: the party in NYC I had with my friend Kate last year, when my cousin who will not be named and an old roommate (the Raucc man) surprised me in the city of hopes and dreams for my 21st, when my 8th grade math teacher thought I blowing off a "find your birthday in pi" assignment, etc.

The celebration (or I guess simply the acknowledgment) of a birthday, at its core, is just a way to mark the passing of time. Birthdays are generally thought of as happy occasions, but they can also be seen as not so pleasant reminders that, whether we like it or not, time is racing ahead.

The sad reality of turning 24, for me, is that I'm now officially in my mid 20's (as I mentioned earlier) yet I still don't feel like a full-fledged adult. By the way, 20-23 is early 20's, 24-26 is mid 20's, and 27-29 is late 20's. You'd think by now that I would have achieved something or that I would have gained some perspective on something, but in reality I haven't.

I mean, I like to think that I have a pretty realistic sense of our world and my participation in it, but in the grand scheme of things I really haven't done a damn thing. In fact, I don't even have much of a plan for what I want to do/accomplish in the future (which can't be a good thing) even though one of my go to quotes is, "The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them." And by "go to" I mean it is one of 14 quotes that I have on a Word document titled "Quotes".

All I really know is that I'm passionate about two things: sports and writing. And if you tear away the broadness, I guess I'm really passionate about competition and self-expression. I think (at least I hope) that knowing this is all that matters. I mean, I still have no clue what I'll be doing in 10 years, but maybe that's a good thing.

I like sports for all the obvious reasons. I like watching them, I like playing them, I like talking about them, I like listening to people talk about them, I like learning and knowing about the people that play them, I like reading about them, I like writing about them, etc.

As many of you know, I currently work in sports. I love my job and would never in my right mind complain about it because I'm incredibly fortunate to be getting a paycheck to do what I do, but sometimes the work is pretty mindless. I'm still relatively low on the totem pole, so hopefully I'll be able to more significantly contribute to the content as I work my way up the corporate ladder, but as it stands right now I rarely get that sense of accomplishment, that apparently I crave, as I leave work.

Writing, or self expression as I called it earler, is sort of a release for me. If you couldn't tell, I'm very opinionated and I need an outlet for the multitude of thoughts that cross my mind. Writing gives me that outlet. The process itself sucks. I mean, sure, I like manipulating words and throwing phrases together, but rarely do I look forward to sitting down and composing my thoughts. Oftentimes it's a taxing, time consuming struggle to get things to sound the way I want them to. I do it because the end result is very rewarding. Almost all of the writing that I do (this blog included) is for my own benefit. I'm literally my number one fan.

Now I'm not quite sure where, if anywhere, writing fits into my current career path, but I do know that in my quest to "do something" I would like to tackle the challenge of writing a book (or 2). I've heard that it's a grueling, agonizing process, but I think that the sense of accomplishment that completing a novel would provide would make all time and effort worthwhile. I actually have some pretty good ideas too. One of which involves this awkward post graduate time period that we are all currently going through (better known in the business as a coming of age novel).

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A post at least loosely tied to my birthday wouldn't be complete without mentioning one of my favorite Seinfeld lines of all time:

From, "The Betrayal" (the episode that goes in reverse)

KRAMER: Hey, FDR wants me to drop dead.

GEORGE: FDR?

KRAMER: Yeah, Franklin Delano Romanowski. I go to his birthday party, and just before he blew out his candles, he gives me this look..

GEORGE: Stink eye?

JERRY: Crook eye?

KRAMER: EVIL eye.

JERRY: Well, everybody's a little cranky on their birthday..

GEORGE: Oh, it's a bad day. Uh, you got everyone in your house, you're thinkin', "These are my friends?!"

JERRY: Everyday is my birthday.

Jerry's line at the end is obviously the punch line and it's funny, but it's only my 3rd favorite line from the scene. My 2nd favorite is when Kramer says, "EVIL eye." If you haven't seen it then it probably doesn't resonate as much with you, but his delivery is impeccable. My favorite line, and one that I use quite often now, is George's, "These are my friends?!"

Top 10 Love Songs

Instead of writing about the phoniness (now that J.D. Salinger is dead that word is fair game, right?) of Valentine's day, I instead decided to embrace it. Sure I still think it's a chocolate-infested, fake holiday for couples who need a day on the calendar to act like they are romantic (as I wrote back in 2008), but what's wrong with celebrating love, even if it's commercialized?

Here are my Top 10 Love Songs:

(I've delibrately left off any of the songs that I included in my Guilty Pleasures post last June.)


10.) K-Ci and JoJo- All My Life (1998)

For everyone that swings and misses at these lyrics everytime they hear the song (and it's all of us), here they are.

Girl you are
Close to me you're like my mother
Close to me you're like my father
Close to me you're like my sister
Close to me you're like my brother
You are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing


9.) Journey- Open Arms (1982)

Journey's signature hit nowadays might be "Don't Stop Believin'", but "Open Arms" was without a doubt their most successful single. It reached #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and remained there for 6 consecutive weeks. Two of my other favorite 80's songs ("Centerfold" by The J. Geils Band for the first three weeks and "I Love Rock 'N Roll" by Joan Jett for the second three) kept it out of the top spot.

Of all the 80's hair bands, Journey was perhaps the most successful when it came to the power ballad and "Open Arms" was their best. In fact, on VH1's countdown of the Greatest 25 Power Ballads it was listed as #1.


8.) Edwin McCain- I’ll Be (1998)

Although this is probably the sappiest song on the list, McCain gets major bonus points for being a long time touring friend of Hootie and the Blowfish. "I'll Be" peaked at #5 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in 1998.

McCain also released another relatively famous love song, titled "I Could Not Ask for More", in 1999. I actually know a couple that got married last summer and chose this song to be their wedding song. Speaking of which, I should stipulate that even though the songs on this list are about love in some capacity, few of them would make great wedding songs. In fact, I have an entirely different list for that.


7.) Mr. Big- To Be with You (1991)

Nope not him, although speaking of which, I'd like to take this opportunity to politely state that I am not a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker. There's just something about her that annoys me. Also, I've long heard that Sex in the City is the female Seinfeld, but I never hear anyone reference the show. Now maybe that's because I don't get the references having never seen an episode or because I'm not around anyone that ever has. Either way, I don't think the shows should ever be mentioned in the same breath again.

Anyway, this song was so successful that it made it all the way to #1 on Billboard Hot 100 chart. And speaking of love songs, the song it replaced at the top of the chart was..... “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred


6.) Eric Clapton- Wonderful Tonight (1978)

Not only was this the song of my Junior Prom, but it also has quite the back story. Clapton wrote the song about Pattie Boyd, an English model and photogrpaher, who was married to Beatles guitarist George Harrison from 1966-1977.



Clapton became close friends with Harrison in the late 60's and the two began writing songs together. It was at this point that Clapton fell in love with Boyd. Shortly thereafter, Clapton also fell in love with Boyd's 17-year-old sister, Paula, who ended up moving in with him. Paula left Clapton when she heard "Layla" because it affirmed her long running suspicion that Clapton had been using her as a substitute for her sister.

Once Boyd's marriage with Harrison fell apart, Clapton swooped in. After denying Clapton's persistent advances during the early 70's, Boyd finally gave in and married him in 1979. Now you'd think that Clapton would be content with finally attaining the woman that he was virtually obsessed with for the better part of a decade, but he wasn't. Apparently he was all about the chase because in the course of his marriage to Boyd (1979-1988) he fathered two children out of wedlock (each with a different woman). Boyd knew about one of them, a boy named Conor who tragically died at the age of 5 by falling out of the window of a 53rd-floor apartment in NYC, but didn't find out about the other, a daughter named Ruth, until two years after she divorced him.

In 2007 Boyd wrote an autobiography titled, “Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me."


5.) Peter Gabriel- In Your Eyes (1986)

This song has become symbolic of love because of it's use in the Cameron Crowe film Say Anything (1989), which starred John Cusack. The iconic image of Cusack serenading Diane Court (played by Ione Skye) by hoisting a boombox over his head with this song playing has become representative of teenage romance.



The scene was referenced/parodied on a recent episode of ABC's Modern Family. (20:57 to 21:37)


4.) REO Speedwagon- Keep On Loving You (1981)



This classic love song/power ballad reached the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart for one week in March of 1981. It was also the 17th video played on the debut of MTV on August 1st, 1981.

I also enjoy another REO Speedwagon ballad, “Can’t Fight This Feeling”, especially because of its use in Not Another Teen Movie (2001). "Can't Fight This Feeling" is the song they play everytime the Jennifer Love Hewitt character Amanda Becker (played by Lacey Chabert) appears on screen. If you've seen the movie then you know that when she appears on screen everyone around her stops and stares until she moves.

3.) Lonestar- Amazed (1999)



I've long contended that Country songs tell the best stories. This song proves that the Country genre can also hang when it comes to songs about love. "Amazed" was #1 on the Billboard Hot Country Singles & Tracks Chart for a record 8 consecutive weeks. The record of 8 weeks at #1 has been tied only once (by It's Five O'Clock Somewhere by Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffet in 2003) although that streak was not in consecutive weeks.


2.) Peter Frampton- Baby I Love Your Way (1975)



This song was first featured on Frampton's 1975 album Frampton, but a live version from his 1976 album Frampton Comes Alive! sparked it's popularity. The song peaked at #12 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

I became a fan of this song mainly because of the 1994 cover by American reggae band Big Mountain. Don't ask me why, but their cover and Jimmy Cliff's cover of Johnny Nash's song "I Can See Clearly" were my two favorite songs from age 7-10. Big Mountain's cover of "Baby I Love Your Way" reached #6 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and Jimmy Cliff's cover of "I Can See Clearly", which was featured on the Cool Runnings (1993) soundtrack, reached #18.

Fun fact- In the third season episode of Family Guy, "Death Lives", Peter reveals that "Baby I Love Your Way" is his and Lois's song, and Frampton guest stars as himself and sings it.


1.) Foreigner- I Want to Know What Love Is (1984)



Foreigner's most successful single reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in 1984 and remains a staple of adult contemporary radio stations to this day. "I Want to Know What Love Is" comes in at #57 on VH1's 2002 countdown of the Greatest Love Songs, but to me it's easily #1. It's slow, yes, but it's also poignant. There's a certain feeling of longing that connects with the listener.

Mariah Carey covered the song in 2009 and Foreigner lead guitarist Mick Jones (who wrote the song) had this to say about it:

"I think she's actually retained the integrity of the song. You know, the arrangement is very similar to the original. They haven't tampered with the song too much. She's captured a certain emotional thing, a feeling."

Leading Role: Kate Winslet

I don't think there's really much debate. The six-time Academy Award nominee (one win- The Reader (2008)) is currently the best actress in Hollywood. If there was an acting Hall of Fame (and there should be) Winslet would be in on the first ballot. Her body of work, especially her versatility in terms of the characters that she plays, is simply incredible. There is no typecasting her. In that respect, (keeping the sports analogy going) she is like a five tool baseball player.

While there is no doubting the acting ability of Hollywood's number one leading lady, I must say that I do question her looks. I almost included her in my recent Hot or Not post, but I think the overwhelming majority would have leaned towards not. Now that isn't to say that she isn't an attractive woman. She certainly has her moments and is more of the elegant beauty type, but hot would not be a word to describe her. She's just a little thick (maybe too negative of a connotation, but I think you get my point) and apparently she has huge feet (size 11). That all being said, she certainly isn't shy about baring it all. In fact, she appears naked in Titanic, Little Children (if memory serves), and The Reader and had this to say about doing nude scenes back in 2002, "I like exposing myself. There's not an awful lot that embarrasses me. I'm the kind of actress that absolutely believes in exposing myself."

Perhaps my favorite part about Winslet is her friendship with Leonardo DiCaprio. I can't even think of a comparison for this friendship. Winslet, like I said, is hands down the best actress going right now and Leo is arguably the best actor. In fact, I was recently asked my top five actors and I responded with Denzel, DiCaprio, Penn, Phillip Seymour-Hoffman, and Matt Damon (Clooney is probably six and Tom Hanks and Daniel Dey Lewis are both still awesome, but they are past their prime). Anyway, as I'm sure you well know, Winslet and DiCaprio burst onto the scene together in James Cameron's Titanic back in 1997. Apparently the two have remained close ever since. They are so close, in fact, that Winslet's two children refer to DiCaprio as Uncle Leo (HELLO).

Okay, so now it's time to decide which of Winslet's roles is her finest. By now you should know the drill, but if you don't here it is. Let's assume that Winslet decides to pull a Joaquin Phoenix and walk away from acting. If that were to happen, which of her roles would be considered her best? Which role would be the one where she put it all together? Which role would she most be remembered for (I fear that this one is already decided no matter what she does for the rest of her career)?

The nominees are.....

1.) Rose in Titanic (1997)



In this incredibly long and anticlimactic film, Winslet plays a young socialite aboard the ill-fated ship who meets and falls in love with a lower class boy (DiCaprio) over the course of a few chance encounters.

Most Memorable Lines:

Jack: This is crazy.
Rose: I know. It doesn't make any sense. That's why I trust it.

Molly Brown: Hey, uh, who thought of the name Titanic? Was it you, Bruce?
Ismay: Yes, actually. I wanted to convey sheer size, and size means stability, luxury, and above all, strength.
Rose: Do you know of Dr. Freud, Mr. Ismay? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you.

Rose: I believe you are blushing, Mr. Big Artiste. I can't imagine Monsieur Monet blushing.
Jack: He does landscapes.

Ruth: You're not to see that boy again. Do you understand me? Rose, I forbid it.
Rose: Oh stop it, mother. You'll give yourself a nose bleed.

Synopsis: This role notched Winslet her second Academy Award nomination (the youngest to do so) and really put her on the map. It's probably the role that she is most known for because until yesterday Titanic was the highest grossing film of all time, but I don't think it's her best performance.

Fun fact- I had not seen Titanic in its entirety until June of 2008.


2.) Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)



In this film Winslet plays a carefree, commitment shy girl who dyes her hair and undergoes a procedure to erase her ex-boyfriend (played by Jim Carrey) from her memory after their relationship goes south.

Most Memorable Lines:

Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.

Clementine: Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter.

Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.

Joel: I don't see anything I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.

Synopsis: Of all of her roles Winslet has said that this one is her favorite. It earned her an Oscar nomination and showcased her versatility as an actress. Clementine is a fucked up girl whose need to be independent pushes her away from those that get close to her and Winslet nailed it. Not only is Eternal Sunshine wildly underrated as a movie, but so too is Winslet's portrayal of Clementine in it.


3.) Sylvia in Finding Neverland (2004)



In this film Winslet plays the widowed mother of three boys who begin spending a significant amount of time with J.M. Barrie (played by Johnny Depp) even though society condemns him for it (because he's married). Her character (Sylvia) develops a fatal disease, but she enjoys Barrie's relationship with her and her boys until she passes away.

Most Memorable Lines:

J.M. Barrie: They can see it, you know. You can't go on just pretending.
Sylvia Llewelyn Davies: Just pretending? You brought pretending into this family, James. You showed us we can change things by simply believing them to be different.
J.M. Barrie: A lot of things, Sylvia. Not everything.
Sylvia Llewelyn Davies: But the things that matter. We've pretended for some time now that you're a part of this family, haven't we? You've come to mean so much to us all that now, it doesn't matter if it's true. And even if it isn't true, even if that can never be... I need to go on pretending... until the end... with you.

J.M. Barrie: I think it was the first time she ever actually looked at me, and that was the end of the boy James. I used to say to myself he'd gone to Neverland.
Sylvia Llewelyn Davies: Where?
J.M. Barrie: Neverland. It's a wonderful place... I've not spoken about this before to anyone- ever.
Sylvia Llewelyn Davies: What's it like, Neverland?
J.M. Barrie: One day I'll take you there.

Synopsis: I think it's safe to say that this isn't her best role, but it might be the best movie that she's been in (and she's been in some very good movies). The movie is driven by J.M. Barrie's relationship with the kids. Syliva just so happens to be their mother.


4.) Hanna Schmitz in The Reader (2008)



In this post WWII film (of course Ralph Fiennes is in it) Winslet plays a German woman who has an affair with a young boy (highschool age). Years later, she is on trial for her involvement as a guard in a Nazi concentration camp and the now older boy can't make sense of it.

Most Memorable Line:

Hanna Schmitz: It doesn't matter what I feel. It doesn't matter what I think. The dead are still dead.

Synopsis: It's hard to believe that this is the role that finally won her the Academy Award for Best Actress, but I think it's safe to say that the award was long overdue. Winslet definitely delivers in a naive, confused, yet oddly desirous and quietly thankful sort of way (if you've seen the movie that should make sense), but I thought she was much better in the next film.


5.) April Wheeler in Revolutionary Road (2008)



In this film Winslet plays a housewife living in Connecticut in the 1950's who suddenly isn't satisfied with the suburban life that she thought she wanted.

Most Memorable Lines:

April Wheeler: So now I'm crazy because I don't love you, right? Is that the point?
Frank Wheeler: No! Wrong! You're not crazy, and you do love me. That's the point, April.
April Wheeler: But I don't. I hate you. You were just some boy who made me laugh at a party once, and now I loathe the sight of you. In fact, if you come any closer, if you touch me or anything, I think I'll scream.

April Wheeler: Look at us. We're just like everyone else. We've bought into the same, ridiculous delusion. This idea that you have to settle down and resign from life.

April Wheeler: Tell me the truth, Frank, remember that? We used to live by it. And you know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth, Frank, they just get better at lying.

Synopsis: I am still flabergasted as to how this movie, and Winslet's subsequent role in it, got punked by the Academy. Winslet won the Golden Globe for Best Actress for this role, yet she wasn't nominated in the same category at the Oscars? Winslet is off the charts good in this film. She captures the volatility of a housewife yearning for more in an explosive way. As April Wheeler she is both equally rational and irrational and content and discontent. I've said before that when I first saw this movie I felt as if Winslet and DiCaprio were going back and forth trying to out act (steal the show) from each other. That being said, I think Winslet, hands down, came out on top. To me this is her opus magnum. The only problem is that she didn't get enough recognition from the big boy critics for the masses to take notice.



My apologies to Winslet's other great roles in Sense and Sensibility (1995), Iris (2002) and The Life of David Gale (2003) because I have not yet seen them, although let the record show that The Life of David Gale is in my Netflix queue.

Top 10 Albums

Recently on a pop culture blog that I frequent readers were encouraged to send in their top 10 desert island albums. The idea being that if you were stranded on a desert island and you could have 10 albums there with you what would they be? This of course assumes that there's a cd player somewhere on the island, which is about as far fetched as the entire stranded on a desert island notion. Basically readers were asked to send in a list of their top 10 albums. When I started to think of what I would put in my top 10 I realized that we don't really appreciate or even think in terms of albums in our age of file sharing, illegal downloading, and the iTunes store. Now maybe I'm way off and it's just me and my somewhat distant relationship with the world of music (I've only purchased 2 CD's in 2009). I do read/skim Rolling Stone every month though.

Either way, I went ahead and compiled a list of my top 10 albums, but I did so according to a few rules.

1.) I must already own at least half of the albums on my list.
2.) Greatest Hits albums are allowed, but only ones that are contained to a single disc.

(in no particular order)


1.) Dookie (1994) by Green Day



Favorite Tracks: 7.) Basket Case, 10.) When I Come Around

Synopsis: Although I hesistate to call them my favorite band, I own more Green Day CD's (4) than any other artist/band. I loved Dookie as a 13 year old and I still love it now, a decade later. I mean, with a name like Dookie how can I not? This is one of those albums that you can listen to from start to finish over and over. It's short (only 39:46), but packed with that pure punk/rebel edge that Green Day is known for.


2.) Complete Greatest Hits (2002) by Foreigner



Favorite Tracks: 14.) Jukebox Hero, 15.) I Want to Know What Love Is

Synopsis: Foreigner is the first of two British rock bands on this list that have more hits than you initially realize. I'm fairly confident that you have all heard at least 6 of the songs on this album at some time in your lives.

I've been told that one of my friends from college used to get into a personal trance before high school hockey games whenever he heard "Jukebox Hero" like one of Elaine's boyfriends in a Seinfeld episode did when he heard The Eagles hit "Desperado".


3.) U218 Singles (2006) by U2



Favorite Tracks: 3.) Pride (In the Name of Love), 9.) Where the Streets Have No Name, 11.) Sunday Bloody Sunday

Synopis: U2 has released some very good studio albums, but none of them have enough of my favorite songs, so I had to opt for U218, which is a greatest hits type compilation. Back in college a friend and I had a radio show for about a year and a half. We mainly played rock, punk, and alternative music, but we also played a "Rap/Hip Hop Pick of the Week" and a "Girly Pick of the Week". One of our 10 listeners (my brother) seemingly requested "Sunday Bloody Sunday" every week, so during our second year on the air we started a "U2 Pick of the Week". It worked out well for a while but eventually the show folded and I think it's fair to say that Thursday afternoons on WVOF were never the same.


4.) Best of Volume I (1996) by Van Halen



Favorite Tracks: 9.) Why Can't This Be Love, 13.) Right Now, 14.) Can't Stop Lovin' You

Synopsis: If Van Halen doesn't get your blood flowing I don't know what will. I'm not much of a concert goer, but Van Halen currently sits atop my list of bands I wan't to see live. Fun fact- the song "Right Now" is featured on my high school lacrosse team's highlight videos from both my junior and senior years and I coincidentally score a goal on both videos just as the song picks up.

Although the album is called Best of Volume I, there is no Best of Volume II.


5.) Back in Black (1980) by AC/DC



Favorite Tracks: 1.) Hells Bells, 7.) You Shook Me All Night Long

Synopsis: Is there any doubt that AC/DC is the greatest thing ever to come out of the country/continent of Australia? Although I try to avoid being mainstream (it's the second best-selling album of all time, trailing only Thriller), this CD was too good to leave off of my list. "Hells Bells" gets me all sorts of fired up in that calm/intense kind of way.


6.) Vault: Def Leppard Greatest Hits (1980-1995) (1995) by Def Leppard



Favorite Tracks: 2.) Photograph, 6.) Animal

Synopsis- The second British band that has more hit songs that you initially think. I bought this CD back in January and it's definitely in the running for my best purchase of the year. This album is like a movie that you see once and sort of enjoy, but when you see it for a 2nd and 3rd time you start ranting and raving about how good it is.


7.) Street Dreams (2003) by Fabolous



Favorite Tracks: 2.) Not Give A Fuck, 10.) This Is My Party, 17.) Throw Back

Synopsis: Let me just say that I am by no means an advocate of this genre of music, nor do I keep up with who has beef with who, etc., but I do enjoy me some rap every once in a while. I'm probably the whitest kid you know, but everyone needs a little variety from time to time. I particularly enjoy "Throw Back" because of the references to all of the sports franchises, mascots, and athletes.

Having this album on my list also fulfills my rap quota and while I'm on the topic of quotas/other genres of music I should have you know that I did not add a Country album to the list, but it wasn't for lack of trying. I wanted to add an Alan Jackson album (whoa, alliteration), but none of his greatest hits albums contained "It's 5 o'clock Somewhere" and this was a dealbreaker for me.

Other rap/hip hop albums that I own:

1.) The Black Album (2003) by Jay-Z
2.) 2001 (1999) by Dr. Dre
3.) The Eminem Show (2002) by Eminem
4.) Real Talk (2004) by Fabolous
5.) We Are The Streets (2000) by The LOX
6.) Graduation (2007) by Kanye West
7.) Speakerboxxx/The Love Below (2003) by OutKast (does this one even count?)


8.) Greatest Hits (1995) by Bruce Springsteen



Favorite Tracks: 2.) Thunder Road, 4.) The River, 10.) Glory Days

Synopsis: Although I despise the state of New Jersey (mainly for the parkways that turn into expressways that turn into turnpikes that turn back into parkways), I've got to give it up for The Boss. Springsteen's performance at this year's Superbowl was one of the few halftime shows that I have ever looked forward to, let alone watched. Seriously, he is the epitome of Americana.

Bruce is also one of the only artists whose music attracts both fathers and sons. In fact I don't think any of my friends have ever told me that they were going to a non-Bruce concert with their dad. One of my friends even claims that his dad never gave him "the talk", but he instead told him to listen to "The River". Funny thing is, I believe him.


9.) Piano Man: The Very Best of Billy Joel (2004) by Billy Joel



Favorite Tracks: 1.) Tell Her About It, 12.) Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Synopsis: The album cover might prevent me from ever actually buying it, but that's okay because I have a few Billy Joel mixes that I've made over the years. Billy has so many hit songs that it's hard for him to put them all on one CD (most of his compilations have multiple discs), but this one has enough of my favorites to make my list. I was actually surprised to see a CD that included "Uptown Girl" (a song that he no longer performs live), "We Didn't Start the Fire", and "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant".

It also should be noted that this album contains two potential wedding songs in "She's Got a Way" and "Just the Way You Are" if I ever decide to get married.


10.) Third Eye Blind (1997) by Third Eye Blind



Favorite Tracks: 6.) How's It Going to Be, 8.) Burning Man

Synopsis: I used to have a 12 song playlist on my iPod of all Third Eye Blind songs that I would fall asleep to every night during my sophomore year of college. In fact, Third Eye Blind sort of has that college, alternative rock sound that I think many of us can relate to. Their music, even though it's borderline pop sometimes, seems to speak directly to the issues that we all faced while growing up.