Book Reviews

Back in April, at the suggestion of one of my many bosses, I started an internal newspaper at work. The goal was to inform my colleagues about any and all relevant news regarding our department and to do so in an engaging manner. A half serious/half mocking approach is kind of my thing, so I wrote a handful of upbeat articles (some of which included made up quotes), polled everyone with the same title on a series of questions, and created quick blurbs to fill in the remaining white space (my favorite was a list of "Buzzwords to use in conversations with your manager").

A few weeks back the manager who originally suggested the newsletter, my editor- if you will, told me to start ramping things up for the second edition. In an effort to mix things up I've written two reviews for books with a sports connection. The first of which was written by ESPN Radio's own Mike Greenberg. The second was written by legendary coach, and former NBA player, Phil Jackson.

all you could ask for by Mike Greenberg

The fact that a sports talk radio host penned this novel is almost unfathomable. That is, of course, if you don’t know who Mike Greenberg is.

If you listen to just one segment of Mike and Mike you learn two things. 1.) The Twitter handle of Greeny’s wife and 2.) That each host’s characteristics are exaggerated to fit a certain role. Greeny is the skinny, smoothie drinking, metrosexual geek and Golic is the overweight, dumb ex-jock.  This difference between the two Mikes is even spelled out in the show’s new logo (one “Mike” is in skinny type while the other is in a larger, more round font).

Greenberg clearly has some feminine qualities (going all lower case in the title among them), but none that would suggest that he’d be able to write a novel that features three distinct female protagonists. Writing from the point of view of the opposite sex is a daunting task. In fact, there may not be a bigger challenge for an author. Jack Nicholson’s character in As Good As it Gets (1999) made it sound easy when he, a famous author, was asked how he writes women so well and said, “I think of a man…and take away reason and accountability,”, but it’s incredibly difficult.

Somehow, someway Greenberg, with the help of his wife and their yoga teacher, pulled it off. That is the real victory of this novel.  Only once did I find myself saying, “A woman would not act/say that,” but then again, I’m not a woman, so what do I know?

all you could ask for is a story about three woman from different paths of life (even though they all have ties to the ritzy town of Greenwich, CT) that connect through their battles with breast cancer. As you might expect, there are a plethora of references to running, hiking, protein shakes, smoothies, fresh fruit, and wine. There are also a handful of scenes that feature nudity and a number of usages of the word “ass” (including in the first sentence), which I certainly did not expect.

The words fly off the page as quickly as Greenberg’s opinions do every weekday morning. His urgent cadence drives the plot from page to page and chapter to chapter. Greeny’s skills as a talk show host very clearly carry over into his writing. His unique ability to hook listeners into sticking through a commercial break shows at the end of each chapter. At times it’s hard to put the book down because you feel the need to find out what happens next.

That said, the second half of the novel falls flat. As the woman deal with their breast cancer treatments they "bond" quickly and forge unrealistically deep friendships, despite a series of ridiculous exchanges between two of them. The ending is confusing, far-fetched, and unsatisfactory. I would definitely not recommend this book to another male and would have some reservations about telling a female to give it a shot.

 
Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success by Phil Jackson

Not many of us want our careers to define our life. We believe that our families, thoughts and ideals, and true passions are more important. The same holds true for the most decorated head coach in the history of the NBA.

Phil Jackson’s latest book Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success is part spiritual journey and part how Jackson implemented his constantly changing philosophy on life and leadership throughout his career in the NBA as both a player and a head coach. That’s something that most people too often forget. Phil Jackson was a solid player in the NBA. He won two NBA titles in the 70s with the New York Knicks (it should be noted that he was injured for the first title).

Jackson grew up in Montana, a place he’s never really left mentally, as the son of two ministers. Growing up he was bombarded with religion. He went to mass twice on Sundays. Once to hear his father’s sermon. Then again to hear his mother’s. Obviously this led to his natural inclination in divinity, but as he grew up he needed to find a respite from his religious obligations. That, in part, is why he turned to basketball (the other part being his God gifted height and ability).

In the book Jackson provides a season by season synopsis of his career as a coach in the NBA. Interestingly he gets to the playoffs very quickly in his descriptions and references the boredom many of his teams dealt with in the regular season. Within the text we learn a great deal about his thought process. He was averse to calling early timeouts because he wanted his players to learn how to play through adversity. It also seems as if he was petrified of Game 7s because of their uncertainty. 

In many ways this book is exactly what you would think that it would be. Jackson provides a detailed breakdown of the famous triangle offense, that he learned from assistant coach Tex Winter. He tells stories about how he handled the eccentricities of Dennis Rodman. He explains the disdain he felt toward Kobe Bryant during the ’03-’04 season and how they mended their relationship. There are plenty of passages about his dealings with Michael Jordan (including their conversation before MJ decided to play baseball) and their great respect for one another.

Throughout it all there are quotes from Zen leaders and Buddhist monks, references to Lakota Warriors, mentions of motorcycle rides through the Rockies to clear his mind, stories about how he used meditation to relax his players, and examples of how he implemented the fundamentals found in psychological theories like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Not Fair to Compare

With the PGA Championship starting tomorrow there’s a lot of talk about whether or not Tiger Woods will win his first major since the U.S. Open in 2008. That conversation soon turns to whether or not Tiger will catch and break Jack Nicklaus’ record mark of 18 career major victories.

Tiger, who’s 36 years old, has 14 majors so far and keeps on citing Jack’s last win (The Masters at the age of 46) as his championship window. With that logic Tiger has roughly 40 more legitimate chances to win a major in his career and he needs 5 more to set the record. It should be noted that the only active player (as in playing at least 8 tournaments a year on the PGA tour) to win 5 or more career majors is Tiger Woods. That means that Tiger has to compile a 10 year stretch that’s better than the entire career of Phil Mickelson (4 majors) to set the record.

All that said, I think Tiger is unfairly compared to his former self. After every round that he shoots under 70 people ask if he’s back. Listen, he’ll never be as dominant as he was in his glory days (‘99-’07). Yes, it’s his fault that the bar has been set so high, but that doesn’t mean that the comparison is fair. In fact, I think that comparing the current version of Tiger Woods to the dominant version of Tiger Woods from ’99 to ’07 is a lot like comparing the 2012 U.S. Men’s Olympic basketball team to the 1992 Dream Team.

Old school Tiger thoroughly dominated his competition just like the Dream Team did in the 1992 Olympics. Both Tiger and the Dream Team were so much more talented from a physical, mental, and skill set standpoint that the competition didn’t stand a chance. There was no doubt that the Dream Team was going to win the gold medal running away and there was no doubt that Tiger was by far the best golfer in the world. Tiger vs. the field was a legitimate bet during that stretch and most people took Tiger when given the option. Think about how ridiculous that is.



Not only did old school Tiger and the Dream Team torch their competition, they also advanced their respective games to new heights. Tiger made golf, a boring old white guy’s game, cool and exciting. He was a rockstar almost from the get go. His fame and fortune led to massive marketing campaigns (Nike, Buick, etc.) that played a part in inspiring a new generation of golf fans. Nike golf was nothing before Tiger Woods. You would have been hard pressed to find a golf video game before Tiger’s ascension. Tiger not only became rich and famous because of his success, but he made all of the other golfers more rich and famous too. Tiger drove TV ratings and advertising revenues through the roof. This led to a much bigger purse at every event on the PGA Tour.

All of this fame and attention made golf a global game. Sure we had Seve Ballesteros and Colin Montgomerie before Tiger, but Tiger easily quadrupled the success of the PGA Tour here in America. All of the best players in the world began to flock to the United States to compete in tournaments with higher pay outs. Over time the rest of the world got better and better at golf and now we’re seeing the results of Tiger’s influence coming back to bite him. Tiger’s talent gap has significantly diminished since the early 2000’s. Rory McIlroy, Graeme McDowell, Luke Donald, Martin Kaymer, etc. are all dominant players on tour nowadays.

Similarly the Dream Team put basketball on the map from a global perspective. Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, etc. were global icons. Players on the opposing teams were asking them for autographs before and after games. International players idolized the members of the Dream Team and inspired a new generation of international players. Since the Dream Team’s domination of the 1992 Games the amount of international players in the NBA has tripled. We now have international stars like Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Dirk Nowitzki, Pau Gasol, etc. Who was there in 1992? Toni Kukoc? He hadn’t even played a game in the NBA before the 1992 Olympics. In the 2012 Olympics many teams feature multiple NBA stars where only 1 had zero NBA players on their roster (Tunisia).

The current version of Tiger Woods is ranked #2 in the world, but he has more victories on tour than anyone else and he’s the odds on favorite in Vegas in every tournament that he plays in. Yes, the competition has drastically improved over the years, but Tiger, despite all of his injuries, swing changes, and off the course issues, is still the supreme talent. He’s not as dominant as he was back in the early 2000’s, but he’s still the best golfer in the game.

The 2012 US Men’s Olympic Basketball Team is the clear favorite to win the gold medal, but because they aren’t as dominant as the Dream Team people assume that they aren’t as good. This construction of talent could very well be better than the Dream Team, but no one will admit it because of the dominance in 1992. Too many people glorify the past. Baseball historians still think that Babe Ruth is the greatest player of all time. Put that fat ass in a major league lineup right now and he’s struggling to hit .200. He was dominant in the ‘20’s and ‘30’s, but the level of competition has risen. The same goes for the 2012 U.S. Men’s Basketball team.

I guess my point is this. Tiger Woods and the Dream Team both dominated their competition and raised the global influence of their respective games dramatically. Over time the level of competition in golf and basketball narrowed the gap. Don’t hold that against the current construction of Tiger Woods and the 2012 US Men’s Olympic Basketball team. They are still the best in the world.

The King's Throne

Over the weekend Miami Heat forward LeBron James was awarded with his 3rd NBA Regular Season MVP award. Only seven other players in NBA history have accomplished that feat. LeBron is only 27, so I imagine that he might win a few more. The biggest difference between LeBron and the seven other 3 time MVPs is that they’ve all won at least one NBA title. That said, I still think LeBron ranks pretty favorably all time as his career stands right now.

To adequately assess LeBron’s place in NBA history we’ll use The Book of Basketball written by ESPN.Com/Grantland.Com columnist Bill Simmons. He knows a lot more about the NBA than I do, so I’m comfortable using his rankings even though I disagree with a few of them.

LeBron was ranked 20th back when the book came out in 2009. Simmons wrote, “A dopey ranking for obvious reasons: he’s twenty-three and headed for the top-eight (possibly higher) in the The Second Book of Basketball, which should be released somewhere between 2016 and 2018 after my wife leaves me and I need a quick influx of cash.”

I know LeBron hasn’t won a title yet (just wait about a month and that might change), but he’s unquestionably the best player in the world. He took an absolute dogshit Cavs team to the finals in 2007. Aside from LeBron that team featured Eric Snow, Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Big Z, Varejao, and Daniel Gibson.

I think that LeBron, at the very minimum, ranks 14th all time right now. Here are the players that currently rank ahead of him.

1.) Michael Jordan- 6 time NBA champion, 6 time NBA Finals MVP, 14 time All-Star, 5 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 10 times, All Defensive First Team 9 times, NBA Defensive Player of the Year (1988), 10 time scoring champ (7 consecutive), starred in Space Jam (1996)

Career averages- 30.1 points, 6.2 rebounds, 5.3 assists

2.) Bill Russell- 11 time NBA champion (they didn’t give out the NBA Finals MVP Award until 1969), 12 time All-Star, 5 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 3 times, 5 time rebounding champ, was awarded the presidential medal for freedom (the highest award a civilian can receive)

Career averages- 15.1 points, 22.5 rebounds, 4.3 assists

3.) Kareem Abdul Jabbar- 6 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 19 time All-Star, 6 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 10 times, All Defensive First Team 5 times, 2 time scoring champ, 2 time rebounding champ, 4 time blocks champ, NBA’s All-Time leading scorer, starred in Airplane (1980)

Career averages- 24.6 points, 11.2 rebounds, 2.5 blocks

4.) Magic Johnson-5 time NBA Champion, 3 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, 4 time assists champ, 2 time steals champ, is HIV positive

Career averages- 19.5 points, 11.2 assists, 7.2 rebounds

5.) Larry Bird- 3 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, All Defensive First Team 2 times, dominated the first ever 3-point contest with his warm-ups still on



Career averages- 24.3 points, 10.0 rebounds, and 6.3 assists

6.) Wilt Chamberlain- 2 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 13 time All-Star, 4 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 7 times, All Defensive First Team 2 times, 7 time scoring champ, 11 time rebounding champ, 1 time assists champ, NBA’s All-Time leading rebounder, scored 100 points in a game, slept with over 20,000 different women

Career averages- 30.1 points, 22.9 rebounds, 4.4 assists

7.) Kobe Bryant*- 5 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 14 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, All NBA Defensive First Team 9 times, 2 time scoring champ, allegedly sexually assaulted a hostess in a Colorado hotel (we all know it was just consensual sex though)

Career averages- 25.4 points, 5.3 rebounds, 4.7 assists

*Simmons had Kobe at #15 in his book, but wrote in the epilogue wrote the following because the Kobe’s Lakers won the title in 2009, “For the paperback I’m expanding the Pyramid to 13 and sticking Kobe at No.8. And you know what? Duncan’s No. 7 spot isn’t safe. Let’s see how the next few years play out.” Well Kobe went on to win another title and Finals MVP in 2010, so I think it’s safe to bump him past The Big Fundamental. Everyone else listed will obviously now drop down a spot from where they were when the book was first published.

8.) Tim Duncan- 4 time NBA champion, 3 time NBA Finals MVP, 13 time All-Star, 2 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, All Defensive First Team 8 times, has never committed a foul in his career and gets fouled on every shot attempt in the paint

Career averages- 20.3 points, 11.3 rebounds, 2.2 blocks

9.) Jerry West- 1 time NBA champion, 1 time NBA Finals MVP (in a series his team lost), 14 time All-Star, All NBA First Team 10 times, All Defensive First Team 4 times, 1 time scoring champ, 1 time assists champ, the NBA logo was modeled after him, Nicknamed Mr. Clutch even though his team lost 8 of the 9 times they went to the Finals



Career averages- 27.0 points, 6.7 assists, 5.8 rebounds

10.) Oscar Robertson- 1 time NBA champion, 12 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, nicknamed "The Big O" which is pretty cool

Career averages- 25.7 points, 7.5 rebounds, 9.5 assists

11.) Hakeem Olajuwon- 2 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 6 times, All Defensive First Team 5 times, 2 time NBA Defensive Player of the Year, 2 time rebound champ, 3 time blocks champ, only won his titles because MJ had retired

Career averages- 21.8 points, 11.1 rebounds, 3.1 blocks

12.) Shaquille O’Neal- 4 time NBA Champion, 3 time NBA Finals MVP, 15 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 8 times, 2 time scoring champ, has a doctorate degree from Barry University

Career averages- 23.7 points, 10.9 rebounds, 2.3 blocks

13.) Moses Malone- 1 time NBA champion, 1 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 4 times, All Defensive Team 1 time, 6 time rebounding champ

Career averages- 20.6 points, 12.2 rebounds, 1.3 blocks


Notice that all of those players won at least one NBA Championship. That’s the only thing missing from LeBron’s resume.

LeBron James- 8 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 6 times*, All Defensive First Team 4 times*, 1 time scoring champ, nicknamed himself King James, the only thing that moves faster than LBJ on a fast break is his receding hairline



*LeBron hasn’t officially been named to the All NBA First Team and the All Defensive First Team for the 2011-12 season, but let’s be real here. He’s going to.

Career averages- 27.6 points, 7.2 rebounds, 6.9 assists

If the Heat win the title this year I think that vaults LeBron past Jerry West to #9 all time.

I guess my point is this. Instead of bashing LeBron every time the Heat lose, you should embrace his incredible skill and talent.

That's What He Said- Chapter 6

If you're confused as to what this is then click this link and catch up.

Chapters 1-5

And now for the main event...

Chapter 6

Shortly before the release of my column on Facebook I began hooking up with a girl in my grade named Alyssa. She had blonde, almost golden hair, a wide smile accented by dueling dimples, and inviting brown eyes. She hailed from the outskirts of Boston and thankfully spoke without the accent. She was a laid back, free spirited girl who, unlike me, could easily have lived without a television. In fact, I often joked that she was a wannabe hippie¹. I wouldn’t say that she was the athletic type (mainly because I associate athleticism with the ability to play basketball), but she was still fit. She was just more outdoorsy. She had a penchant for running and biking, but I think she exercised more to clear her mind than to stay in shape.

Right around the same time (there was a little overlap) Jackie and I temporarily stopped doing whatever it was that we were doing and we each had our reasons. Mine were simple. 1.) I was really into Kristen 2.) Jackie wanted a boyfriend, which was exacerbated by the fact that her three roommates had them and I didn’t want to date her (mainly because I just wanted to be a college dude) 3.) One night after we left The Grape together to go to a party Jackie ended up hooking up with her ex-boyfriend Kyle (the guy that Kristen had strong feelings for). I don’t know all of Jackie’s reasons, but putting a halt on our hook up situation wasn’t something that we ever talked about. It sort of just happened. Surprisingly our weekly column related conversations were not affected in the least.

I met Alyssa during the fall of my junior year because Matty K was trying desperately to hook up with her friend Rebecca. Due to this, Matty K, Dylan and I soon began hanging out with Rebecca, Alyssa and their friends quite a bit. Now this was also the time that I became close with Kristen, so I didn’t hang out with them as much as Matty K and Dylan did, but I was there enough. Sooner or later Dylan and Alyssa started hooking up on a regular basis (Dylan’s girlfriend was abroad for the semester- collleggge) while Matty K continued to feverishly chase after Rebecca. Alyssa and I got along well, but we only interacted in a group setting. I treated her just like I treated any other girl that one of my friends was hooking up with.

The following semester many of the girls that Matty K, Dylan, and I hung out with went abroad. Kristen went to Australia, her roommates went to Italy, as did Alyssa, and Rebecca went to Ireland. While abroad these girls seemed to play a game of musical chairs among friends. Kristen became close with a group of girls that Matty K and I knew from freshman year² and Alyssa became close with many of Kristen’s roommates. I swear, girls in college change groups of friends about as often as guys do laundry.

In the first few months of our senior year Matty K, Dylan, and I (and sometimes Greg and Max) spent a lot of time at Kristen’s house before and after going to The Grape. The girls that lived there were a lot of fun to hang out with, but my main reason for being there was to try to re-ignite the old flame with Kristen. Matty K and Dylan also loved hanging out with this particular group of girls and their presence there was amplified by the fact that they lived about 2 miles away from everyone else and the girls’ house was close to the bar. Alyssa, after becoming close with this group of girls (except for Kristen) while abroad, soon became a regular at the pre and post bar scene at their house as well. She was also very much single (not to say that she was easy, but she wasn’t hooking up with anyone) and she and Dylan had no intentions of hooking up again because he was still with his girlfriend.

One night after the bar closed³ in early October a group of us decided to change things up a bit, so we went to Alyssa’s house for some post-bar festivities. The half mile walk was on the way to my house and I was hammered, so I went along. Because it was an impromptu decision the after party wasn’t anything special. Just about 10-15 people casually nursing late night beers and trying to think of last ditch schemes to get some before calling it a night. After about an hour or so I had had enough and decided to go back to my house (which was only 5 houses down) to see what my roommates were up to.

When I got back to my house I found Max, who had just returned from a post bar party himself. He and I cracked some brews and sat on our back deck looking out at the water. Doing so almost always led to semi-serious conversations about girls, our future careers, etc. because of the serenity of Long Island Sound. After about a half an hour of serious male bonding I got a text from Alyssa that said something to the effect of, “Do you want to come back over?” By this point it was pretty late and I knew that most people would soon be calling it quits on the night, so I wasn’t sure what to make of the text. I showed Max my phone and he immediately said, “Dude, she definitely wants you.”

To be honest, I didn’t know what to think. I always thought that Alyssa was attractive, but I never really envisioned her as a potential hookup. For starters, she hooked up with one of my roommates for the better part of a semester, so she was sort of off limits. Also, I was all sorts of caught up in Kristen and I was occasionally hooking up with Jackie.

It was about 2:15 when I made my way back over. Alyssa quickly answered my light, nervous knock and I entered the side door of her beach house and found myself in the kitchen. My anxiety intensified after I scanned the ground level and noticed that everyone that had been there earlier was now gone. The only other person downstairs was Alyssa’s roommate, whose name I had forgotten even though I had met her earlier in the night. The roommate promptly went to bed and Alyssa asked if I wanted to watch a movie (which is college speak for, “Do you want to hook up?”). As we sat down on the couch I was still feeling a bit uncomfortable about hooking up with her because of her history with Dylan, but apparently she had no problem with it as she made the first move 10 or so minutes into the movie whose title I hope you’ll forgive me for not remembering.

Alyssa and I continued to hook up in the weeks that followed, but it was relatively casual (or at least that’s how I saw it). I was still spending a lot of time with Kristen and essentially getting nowhere. Kristen and I shared very personal information (we both routinely said the phrase, “I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this before, but…”), but things never sparked again physically because she had strong feelings for this other joker as well. It was almost like I was the guy who makes it to the final rose ceremony on The Bachelorette⁴ only to walk away empty-handed, just I didn’t quite know it yet.

The Saturday after my column on Facebook was printed our Student Beach Residents Association organized a keg crawl that started at the Pink Box and worked its way up the beach until it got to the point. This was the first of many events that served as an excuse for the majority of our class to drink all day long. It was also still warm out, so everyone was excited to get loaded while basking in the sun. At about 10 a.m. Greg, our house’s resident engineer, or guy’s guy, tapped the keg and “the varsity team”⁵ started downing suds. People started to show up around 10:30-11 and you could just tell that things were going to get sloppy real quick.



I was crushing bevs like a true college dude, but once Kristen showed up she had my undivided attention. She and I even went into the tiny bedroom that I shared with Tim for about an hour and tried to hash out our feelings. As we sat on the bottom bunk (mine for the first semester) she told me how confused she was because she had such strong feelings for both me and this Kyle character. She also said that she felt as if she was being unfair to me and she didn’t want that to be the case. I told her that she wasn’t being unfair, but deep down I knew that it meant that she was eventually going to pick Kyle. Although I got the feeling that rejection was inevitable, for some reason I still hung out with her for the rest of the day in the hopes that she would change her mind and pick me. I was virtually by her side from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. as we ventured from house to house all the way to the point.

Apparently Alyssa was very distraught about how I hardly paid any attention to her that day, or so her friends later told me. At the time I was so fixated on hanging out with Kristen that I didn’t even think twice about Alyssa. Also, I thought that our hooking up was just casual (is it ever?) and that she knew about my strong feelings for Kristen. Either way I couldn’t stand the thought of someone being upset with me, so I went into full on recovery mode and quickly salvaged things with her.

The following weekend was Columbus Day, so on Sunday night Jackie and I decided to write our columns with that topic in mind. I ended up writing a zinger-less, Fairfield specific article that was admittedly one of, if not, my weakest. Although it’s a paltry excuse, I had a lot going on at the time.

The next day (Monday) Kristen, although lying about it at first, told me that she was going to spend her Columbus Day Weekend at Kyle’s house in New Jersey. I had been trying to prepare myself for the worst, but that news was the coup de grace. Her decision had been made and whether I liked it or not I had to move on.

Now I had hooked up with Alyssa a handful of times by that point, but I still had yet to hang out with her sober⁶. Although I’d like to think that I did this because I was trying to be a gentleman, I asked Alyssa if she wanted to see a movie mainly as a reaction to the death blow that Kristen had delivered to my feelings the day before (in my defense I did really like her). She said yes and we decided to go the next night (Wednesday) because I was going to Notre Dame for the weekend with Tim and a few of our friends on Thursday.

Alyssa wasn’t much of a movie person, so she gladly let me choose which movie to see. In fact, she claimed that the last movie she saw in theaters was Blade (1998), which I thought was ridiculous. I chose Gone Baby Gone (2007), which was Ben Affleck’s directorial debut and starred his brother Casey.

As we walked into the old school theater on that fateful Wednesday night it appeared as if we had the place to ourselves. It was old school only in the sense that there was no stadium seating available. No stairs to walk up to get a better angle at the screen. Just a ramp that gradually slanted from the door all the way to the front row. The seats were of the boring grayish blue microfiber upholstery fabric variety with the accompanying hard plastic backs and uncomfortable cup holder clad armrests.

Upon second glance I noticed that there were actually two people already seated; Kristen and Kyle. Now I've had some pretty awkward moments in my life, but none were even in the same ball park as that one. I was literally stunned. On my first date with Alyssa? Really? They were seated toward the back of the theater (maybe 3-4 rows from the entrance) and in the middle of the row. After exchanging a quick wave with Kristen, Alyssa and I walked up a few rows and sat a little off center from where they were seated. I did my best to appear unfazed, but I was so overcome with emotion that my body locked up as soon as I sat down. My mind soon followed suit. I couldn’t stop thinking about how awkward the predicament was. Did this seriously just happen? I can’t believe this. Did I even wave? Did Kristen wave back? I’m the most awkward person on the planet. This would happen to me. Seriously, no one else in the theater? You’ve got to be kidding me. I don’t like how they’re sitting behind us. There’s no chance that I can pull off the arm around move now. Does Alyssa even realize how awkward this is? Does Kyle?

That all being said, I loved the movie. Not only is it in my top 5 movies of the 2000’s, but I’m convinced that you could teach an entire college ethics course based on the film’s plot.
_________________________________________________________

Although Tim and I heard rumblings throughout the fall that as many as 15 of our friends were going to go to the Boston College/Notre Dame football game with us (we booked our flights in August), only two of our friends ended up making the trip to South Bend; Glancy and the Ice Cat.

Glancy was a burly kid from Chicago that played baseball at Fairfield despite being named the Illinois State Player of the Year in Hockey as a senior in high school. He lived with Greg freshman year and was the infamous third “Musketeer.” Glancy lived in my townhouse junior year and practically lived on our couch senior year because he lived 2-3 miles away from everybody else with Matty K, Dylan, and our other housemate from junior year (Pete). He was a bit of a train wreck to live with mainly because of his addiction to chewing tobacco. He left his “spitters” (Gatorade bottles filled with tobacco juice) wherever he pleased. Also, if he owed you any money he would repay you with beer. That was his currency. For example, say he owed you $60 and you asked him for it. He would reply by saying, “Ok, I’ll get you a couple of 30’s this weekend,” and that was that. He was also such a diehard Notre Dame fan that he routinely scoured the recruiting websites and gave Tim and I full reports on the high schoolers that the Irish were after even though we were only remotely interested. That all being said he was the salt of the earth and easily one of our closest friends.

The Ice Cat was a tall, skinny kid from Michigan. Apparently he was a stud youth hockey goalie (before suffering serious knee injuries) and was given the nickname by a TV/radio announcer after making a great late game save as a 12 year-old. Hardly anyone at Fairfield referred to him by this moniker, but it must have stuck at home because his parents bought him a new car during our senior year with, “ICE CAT” vanity plates. He had a nice set of hair (don’t judge me) and spoke with an occasional stutter. Sometimes the stutter was awkward to be around, but no one ever brought it up in front of him because he was too nice of a kid. My thought process was simple. He certainly knew when he stuttered, so what good could come from pointing it out?

He dated one of Jackie’s housemates (a smokeshow) and shortly after our ND trip told me one of the reasons Jackie had for deciding to no longer hook up with me. When it came to gossip the Ice Cat was like an 8th grade girl that sits at the popular table. Apparently after seeing me leave the bar with Alyssa one night, Jackie proclaimed that she would never hook up with me again. Upon hearing this, the Ice Cat asked her if she wanted to put her money where her mouth was. Jackie, convinced that she no longer had feelings for me, confidently agreed. The bet stipulated that the loser would cook dinner for the winner and their housemates. The Ice Cat, a serious Michigan fan, had taken Glancy to the ND/Michigan in “The Big House” earlier in the year, so Glancy decided to repay him by taking him to the BC/ND game. Based on his fan hood this reimbursement made no sense, but the Ice Cat had a cousin that went to ND and he knew plenty of kids from BC that were going to be in South Bend that weekend.

Despite an inspired comeback effort, Notre Dame came out on the losing end of the showdown of Catholic schools. They were having a mediocre season anyway, so the loss didn’t affect Tim, Glance, and I like it normally would have. Had they won, Tim and I most likely would have lobbied to stay and celebrate, but we went with the plan and started drinking our sorrows away on a bus back to Chicago with a bunch of Glancy’s high school friends. Once we got to the Windy City, we dropped our things off at the apartment that Glancy shared with his sister (where we were staying) and headed out to the bars. We raged until about 4 a.m., got some great late night drunk food, and crashed. I wish I was lying when I say that Glancy fell asleep mid cheeseburger bite on an oversized leather recliner.

The next day Glancy gave us an abbreviated tour of the city before our flight home. He showed us the Sears Tower, pointed out landmarks on Michigan Avenue, and took us to a restaurant to eat some deep dish pizza. Between the four of us we figured that we could easily house 3 pies. After we ordered, the Ice Cat, always the gossip queen, asked what my column topic was for the week. I explained how Jackie constantly proclaimed that the girls at Fairfield were much better looking than the guys and wanted to somehow make that a topic. I agreed with her whole heartedly, so I suggested that we simply write about the other gender in broad terms. I would write about the average Fairfield girl and she would write about the average Fairfield guy.

Upon hearing the topic, the Ice Cat offered his services. Unfortunately the conversation soon split. Tim, who regularly read my columns before I sent them in anyway, was more focused on asking Glancy about the city where Michael Jordan won six rings. The Ice Cat bounced a few ideas off of me, but the topic soon changed again once our food showed up. Sure enough, we severely underestimated the thickness of the deep dish and struggled to finish two of the pies.

We left the restaurant with an untouched deep dish pizza and started walking toward the train that would bring us to the airport. As we approached a busy intersection Glancy, who was carrying the full pizza, noticed a homeless man lying on the ground holding a sign that read, “Homeless and hungry.” Knowing that we’d most likely end up throwing out the full pie before getting on the plane, he offered it to the homeless man. Shockingly the poor, dirty, unshaven man in worn out clothes refused, but had the audacity to ask for money instead. Glancy, shocked by the bizarre turn of events, responded with the timely colloquialism, “Sorry pal, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

After sleeping for the majority of the next day I awoke with only a few hours to write my column. Thankfully in our brief conversation the Ice Cat and I had come up with a dynamite opening line. With such a broad topic, the rest just flowed. I swear, sometimes all you need is the first line.

The Mirror on October 17th, 2007:

Oh the Battle of the Sexes

I’ll be the first to say that I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, you aren’t either, so let’s get right to the judging.

Girls here at Fairfield are all virtually of the same mold, but they generally come from three different areas.

There are two types of girls from Long Island. The first are the guidettes who use more hairspray than John Travolta dressed as a woman⁷. I mean if you dig beefy muscles and peanuts then my noodle arms and macadamia’s aren’t for you. Without buying you jager bombs, no one else has a shot.

The second are the girls that have been spoon fed their entire lives because their daddy owns the world. These little princesses grew up with millions of dolls and no friends and now they won’t stop talking. But don’t worry, I know a guy from Atlanta that might be able to lend me a few muzzles⁸. After those are on tight, I’d like to take a brick from each of their castles and throw them at their faces.

Girls from the state of Massachusetts (America’s red-headed step child) might be the worst. I have a soft spot for chicks that rock baseball hats, but the pink Red Sox hats have got to go. No other demographic thinks they know a lot and knows less about their own team than female red sox fans.

While the Red Sox do score a lot of runs, it still doesn’t compare to the amount of times guys have rounded the bases with girls from New Jersey. Considering the amount of times they’ve gotten pumped, you’d think they’d know how to fill up their own gas tanks. Jersey girls think they are God’s gift to the earth because they live ‘down the shore’. When you aren’t laying out in America’s dumpster, you go right to the tanning booth because you think guys are attracted to the color orange.

Girls if any of you wear uggs this year, you are going to get a swift kick in the shins. And don’t get mad, isn’t feminism about being equal to men?

Also, what is the deal with the oversized sunglasses? Perhaps you should wear them 24 hours a day because the sun never sets on a badass, right? Wrong, that’s the worst AIM profile quote of all time. Get your bad ass to the recplex. It’s open until 11.


1 She did own a tie-dyed shirt and occasionally smoked weed.^↩

2 We played on a co-ed intramural volleyball team together. Our team name was “The Sledge Hemmers” in honor of the girl that first organized the team our freshman year, Caitlin Hemmer. During warm ups I had the entire team practice their spikes by re-enacting the final sequence in the 2003 NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship in which Syracuse beat Kansas 81-78. I pretended to be Kansas guard Michael Lee and everyone else on the team took turns pretending to be Syracuse forward Hakim Warrick. ^↩



3 12:30 a.m. on weeknights and 1:30 a.m. on weekends. Connecticut has the worst blue laws in America.^↩

4 It’s a fantastic television product and I’m not ashamed to admit it. ^↩

5 A self-given nickname that a few of us used whenever drinking was involved. Glancy was the originator of the term.^↩

6 In fact, a few weeks later I pre-gamed a sober hang just to take the edge off. I even showed up with a 12 pack in case Alyssa wanted to loosen up a little too.^↩

7 Travolta played a woman in the movie Hairspray (2007), which was out in theaters at the time.^↩

8 Hard to miss this one, but for those of you that did I was referring to Michael Vick. ^↩

Tennis Anyone?

You probably don't know this about me, but the sport of tennis has always been a significant (maybe not the right word) part of my life. I grew up in a well to do neighborhood just east of downtown Syracuse called Sedgwick Farms. While the houses in the neighborhood were nice and the people were generally friendly, there were only two things that really gave Sedgwick Farms a sense of community. The first was each year on Christmas Eve virtually every house in the neighborhood (outside of the few Jewish people) would light luminaries (white bags with candles in them) and space them out along the street. Quite frankly, they were a hassle that somehow my brothers and I always had to deal with. The other was the Sedgwick Farms tennis club. The club consisted of a two story clubhouse with a dining room upstairs that I've been in once (for a graduation party) and at least 5 courts made of red clay. I still remember taking tennis lessons there as a kid because we were required to wear all white, could only wear a certain type of sneaker, and our instructor's name was Hanz. I can still remember exactly what my racket looked like. It was turquoise Prince racket with blue strings (you could see a P in the strings) and a purple grip.

As I continued to get older I developed a minor passion for the game. In my driveway I would play wall ball (I know that's a lacrosse term, but I think it applies here too) against my garage for hours at a time. I wasn't even deterred by the fact that I broke at least half of the windows on the garage and soon after the ball would routinely go through the holes and I'd have to open the garage door and search for the ball before I could keep playing.

I don't know what it was, but I eventually stopped playing (and when I say playing I mean playing against myself in my driveway) for a few years. Maybe it was because I spent more time playing baseball, or that I got into lacrosse, or that when I played a female family friend who is two years older than me in tennis I got absolutely smoked and my confidence was shot. Either way, I got back into tennis during my junior and senior years of high school because we used to play it in gym class.

Eventually I started playing a few of my friends on a pretty regular basis. One of which I consistently beat even though he was 6'4 and would eventually play 4 years of college football at an Ivy League school. I never lost to him, but the matches were competitive so it was fun. There was another friend of mine who went on to play 4 years of top tier college basketball and 1 year of college football who, for some reason or another, I could never beat. There was no doubt in my mind that I was the better tennis player, but he was definitely the better athlete and his will to win clearly outshined mine on numerous occasions. Our matches were always close (we played best of three sets), but he always came out on top. I specifically remember having a triple match point in the second set (I dominated the first set) and blowing not only that, but the third set as well. To this day I have never beaten him.

During my college years I played tennis in the summer against a few of my friends (one of whom has a tennis court in his backyard) and while on vacation against my dad. For 2-3 years I didn't lose, but my friend who has the court in his backyard kept on challenging me. Eventually he beat me and I can only remember playing a handful of times after that. I'm sure that I've played my dad while on vacation a few times, but the last time I specifically remember playing tennis was during my junior year of college against a girl I had a crush on.

While I wouldn't say that I was ever any good at tennis I did enjoy the sport. I even spent plenty of time watching it on television. For example, I watched the Andre Agassi (who I just emailed to see if he'll come on the radio)/James Blake 5 set thriller in the 2005 U.S. Open in its entirety. Lately I've watched plenty of my girl Caroline Wozniacki. And of course, I've seen plenty of Federer and Nadal. Now before I get more into their "rivalry" I first have to mention a quick word about the #3 ranked tennis player in the world; Novak Djokovic. If you don't know how to pronounce his name now you will in a second. While doing the highlights of a Djokovic match on SportsCenter a few months ago the most underrated anchor in the business Robert Flores said this…



So back to Federer/Nadal. If I asked you, "Who's the best tennis player in the world over the past 10 years?" I'm pretty sure that most of you, assuming you know something about tennis or that you've at least seen enough Gillette commercials, would say Roger Federer. Now you wouldn't exactly be wrong. Federer has won 16 grand slams (6 at Wimbledon), which is the most all time, but Rafael Nadal owns him in head to head matches. The two "rivals" have played 25 times. Nadal has won 17 of them. They've met in the finals of a grand slam 8 times. Nadal has won 6 of them.

Federer will turn 30 in August, which in tennis is worse than being a 35 year old running back in the NFL, whereas Nadal just turned 25 and won his 10^th grand slam in the past week.

All points considered, how can we say that Federer is the best tennis player of all time when his "rival" has dominated him in the course of their careers?

Here's what I think this is a case of. Once Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi retired tennis fans were looking for someone to carry the torch for the sport. They found their man in Federer and anointed him as the best player ever. Federer's elegance, composure, and championship pedigree fit the bill. Then after a few years of pure domination Nadal came along. He's quicker, faster, more agile, and more powerful than Federer. Based on the eye test alone it's clear that Nadal is the better player. Sure, some of that is the age difference, but people are still reluctant to admit it because they've already anointed Federer as "the best player of all time."

This is similar, again similar (not the exact same thing because there a few differences), to what's happened in the NBA. After Michael Jordan retired basketball fans were almost immediately searching for the second coming. Every time a talented shooting guard came up through the ranks people started making the comparison. Finally Kobe showed up and, fair or not, was anointed as the next Jordan. In fact, he tried so hard to be Jordan in the way that he spoke and played that people almost reluctantly said, "Ok, he's the next Michael." Kobe may not have fully lived up to the Jordan comparison, but he came as close as anyone ever has. After his 5^th championship people were starting to put the two in the same conversation. But now LeBron has shown up and is on the precipice of his first title. He hasn't exactly owned Kobe in head to head meetings like Nadal has owned Federer, but I think it would be foolish, even for a Kobe apologist like me, to not admit that LeBron is the more gifted player.

"It was always burning"

As I've stated countless times, one of my goals in life is to memorize the lyrics to Billy Joel's 1989 hit "We Didn't Start the Fire." Sure the song is on VH1's list of the 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs, but I can't get enough of it.

The lyrics recount many important historical events that took place between 1949 (when Joel was born) and 1989 (when Joel wrote the song). In case you couldn't put two and two together, Billy the Kid is a big history buff. For some reason this notion of chronicling his life speaks to me. As you know, I've seen almost every movie that's been nominated for Best Picture in my lifetime.

Last week as I was driving home from work I decided that it would be a good idea to update Joel's classic hit. I knew that he covered 1949-1989, so I figured that I could write new lyrics based on the events of the past 20 years (1990-2010). I thought that this project would only take a few hours, but I completely misjudged the kind of undertaking that it was. Not only is Joel's tune packed with people, facts, and events, but it's also loaded with half rhymes, full rhymes, and different variations of syllables. So for the past week I've been scouring Wikipedia for significant historical events, counting syllables, and consulting rhyming dictionaries.

I still think that this post needs A LOT of work, but I'm sick and tired of wasting my time on a grueling, voluntary task.

Before we get to my updated version, here's a refresher of the lyrics that Joel wrote more than 20 years ago.


Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I", and "The Catcher in the Rye"

Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Josef Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Zhou Enlai, Bridge On The River Kwai

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California Baseball,
Starkweather homicide, Children of Thalidomide

Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land,
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock

Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz

Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire...




And now without futher ado...




Buster Douglas, Motley Crue, John Gotti, Belarus
No apartheid, free Mandela, Windows 3.0

Boris Yelstin, Rodney King, Desert Storm, CNN
Magic Johnson, HIV, Super Nintendo

LA riots, Dan Quayle, Murphy Brown, Real World
Leno, H.W. gags, and the Dream Team reps the flag

Don't ask, don't tell, Hoo-ha, the EU and NAFTA
A Few Good Men, Seles is stabbed, piece of the Aggro-Crag

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

O.J. Simpson, bronco chase, Boyz II Men and Ace of Base
Revolution, Bills still losing, Kurt Cobain dead

ebay, Farrakhan, Oklahoma City bomb
Mid...west....heat...wave, Sandra Bullock sped

Dolly, Deep Blue, Michael Johnson's golden shoes
Derek Jeter, Sheryl Crow, Keyser Soze, Daily Show

Mmm bop, Tony Blair, English Patient, Rachel's hair
Princess Di, Madonna cries, scandal in the white house

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Homeruns hit, Nagano, Michael Jordan, el nino
Seinfeld, He Got Game, Bird to the Hall of Fame

Britney Spears, Y2K, Star Wars I-just ok
rock music gets the blame, Millionaire is our new game

Harry Potter, hanging chads, PS2, Elian's dad
Sydney games, Kim Jong, bubble burst for dot com

Stem cells, 9/11, Google, jingoism
Halle Berry, game on, bankruptcy for Enron

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Russel Crowe, Homeland, search for bombs in the sand
gunman, Clarkson, World Com extinction

Human Genome is complete, Syracuse can not be beat
Iraq, Dan Brown, Martha Stewart locked down

Face-book, Condi Rice, Livestrong bracelets 'cause their nice
John Kerry, flip flopper, Red Sox solve Yankees' stopper

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Writer's strike, Dixie Chicks, prison term for Michael Vick
Mad Men, iphones, gas prices, Juno

Twitter, Spitzer, AIG, hockey moms, GOP
swimming fast and smoking pot, Obama takes top spot

Cash for clunkers, Favre is back, Kobe wins it without Shaq
Michael's late, Jon and Kate, swine, meth, Tiger's mates

Obamacare on the floor, Banking rules without a cure
Jay and Conan late night war, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire...

My apologies if you couldn't follow some of the rhyming patterns (I tried to spell out how to say/sing some of the lyrics), but you almost need the music to have the words make complete sense. I think the best way to assess my work is to look at it two lines at a time. First read/sing Joel's lyrics (for that part of the song) and then do the same for what I wrote.

That said, here is a year by year explanation of the people, facts, and events that I chose to incorporate in my brief history of the past 20 years.

1990



-Buster Douglas upsets the previously undefeated Mike Tyson on February 11th to become the world heavyweight champion of the world.
-Motley Crue's drummer Tommy Lee is arrested for allegedly exposing his backside during a performance in Augusta, Georgia. He also suffers a mild concussion after falling off of scaffolding above his elevated drum kit during a performance in New Haven, Connecticut.
-John Gotti, a notorious mob boss, is arrested on December 11th.
-Belarus declares its soveirgnty from the USSR on July 27th.
-South African President Frederik Willem de Klerk begins negotiations to end the country's legal form of racial segregation known as apartheid.
-Nelson Mandela was released from Victor Verster Prison on February 11th after more than 27 years in prison.
-Windows 3.0 is released by Microsoft on May 22nd.

1991



-Boris Yelstin is elected President of Russia on June 12th.
-Rodney King is is an African-American who was the subject in a police brutality case involving four white LAPD officers on March 3rd. A bystander, George Holliday, videotaped much of the incident from a distance. The footage showed the LAPD officers repeatedly striking King with their batons. A portion of this footage was aired by news agencies around the world, causing public outrage that raised tensions between the black community and the LAPD.
-Desert Storm is the military response to Sadaam Hussein's invasion and annexation of Kuwait. When economic sanctions proved to be ineffective, George H.W. Bush sent American troops into Kuwait to drive the Iraqis out.
-CNN (Cable News Network), the first network to provide 24 hour television news coverage, received unprecedented popularity because of its coverage of the Persian Gulf War.
-Magic Johnson, the superstar point guard of the Los Angeles Lakers, reveals on November 7th that he has contracted the HIV virus. To that point, HIV had long thought to have been an exclusively homosexual disease. Johnson's announcement was huge in terms of awareness for the sexually transmitted disease.
-Super Nintendo is released in Japan. It is the first 16 bit video game console.

1992



-Riots breakout in Los Angeles on April 29th after the four white LAPD officers accused of beating Rodney King are acquitted. Thousands rioted in the streets for six days after the verdict was announced.
-Dan Quayle, the 44th Vice President, gave a speech to the Commonwealth Club of California on May 19th on the subject of the Los Angeles riots. In this speech, Quayle blamed the violence on a decay of moral values and family structure in American society. In an aside, he cited the single mother title character in the television program Murphy Brown as an example of how popular culture contributes to this "poverty of values", saying: "It doesn't help matters when primetime TV has Murphy Brown — a character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid, professional woman — mocking the importance of fathers, by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another 'lifestyle choice.'"
-The Real World's first season takes place in New York and debuts on MTV on May 21st. The show would prove to be one of the most successful "reality shows" to date.
-Jay Leno replaces Johnny Carson as the host of The Tonight Show on NBC.
-George H.W. Bush vomits into the lap of Kiichi Miyazawa, the Prime Minister of Japan, during a state dinner in Japan.
-The Dream Team or the 1992 US National Men's Basketball team that won the gold medal at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. The Dream Team was the first US National Team comprised of professionals. The roster consisted of Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, John Stockton, Clyde Drexler, Chris Mullin, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Christian Laetner, David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, and Scottie Pippen.

1993



-Don't ask, don't tell is a military policy enacted by Bill Clinton in order to prevent the "witch-hunting" of secretly gay, lesbian, and bisexual service members or applicants, while absolutely barring "openly" gay or bisexual people from joining the military, and expelling those already serving.
-Al Pacino won the Oscar for Best Actor for his portrayal of the retired, blind, and drunk Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade. Slade's signature phrase is "Hoo-ha!"
-EU, or the European Union, is an economic and political union of (now) 27 countries.
-NAFTA, or the North Atlantic Free Trade Agreement, is formed between the United States, Canada, and Mexico. The agreement creates a trading bloc (free of tariffs) between the three nations.
-A Few Good Men is a military courtroom drama that stars Tom Cruse, Kevin Bacon, Jack Nicholson, and Demi Moore. Jack Nicholson gets absolutely hosed by the Academy when he doesn't win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Colonel Nathan Jessep.
-Monica Seles, the world's #1 female tennis player, is stabbed in the shoulder during a match in Germany by a crazed fan of rival Steffi Graf.
-Global Guts is a popular Nickelodeon game show where teens compete in physical activities. The winner of each show is awarded a piece of the Aggro Crag, the mountain that the participants had to climb as the final event.

1994



-O.J. Simpson, the NFL Hall of Fame running back and successful actor, is charged with the murder of his wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman. After refusing to turn himself in, Simpson was the subject of a low speed police chase while driving his white Ford Bronco. The chase was televised by all of the major networks.
-Boyz II Men's, a popular R&B group, "I'll Make Love to You" is the #3 song on the 1994 Billboard Hot 100 chart.
-Ace of Base, a Swedish pop band, has 3 songs in the 1994 Billboard Hot 100 chart. #1 The Sign, #9 All That She Wants, and #10 Don't Turn Around.
-The Republican Revolution is what the Republican party dubbed their success in the 1994 midterm elections in which they took control of the majority of Congress for the first time in over 40 years. Newt Gingrich, Rep. Georgia, becomes the Speaker of the House and the most popularized figure of the movement. Bob Dole, Sen. Kansas, becomes the Senate majority leader.
-The Buffalo Bills lose their fourth straight Superbowl. This time it's a 30-13 loss at the hands of the Dallas Cowboys.
-Kurt Cobain, the lead singer and guitarist of the popular grunge band Nirvana, is found dead in an apparent suicide (a shotgun blow to the head) on April 8th.

1995



-eBay, the American company that runs an auction website, forms on September 5th.
-Louis Farrakhan is the national representative of the religious organization known as the Nation of Islam. Farrakhan is the lead advocate for black nationalist interests and helped organize the million man march in Washington D.C. on October 16th.
-Oklahoma City Bombing is a bomb attack on the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building that claimed the lives of 168 innocent Americans and injured 680 others. The men behind the terrorist plot are Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols.
-A midwest heatwave took the lives of approximately 700 people in Chicago in a 5 day stretch.
Chicago's daily low and high in 1995:
July 11: 73-90 °F (23-32 °C)
July 12: 76-98 °F (24-37 °C)
July 13: 81-106 °F (27-41 °C)
July 14: 84-102 °F (29-39 °C)
July 15: 77-99 °F (25-37 °C)
-Speed is a film starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Reeves plays an LAPD officer who hops onto a bus that will explode if it fails to continue moving above 50 miles per hour. Bullock, in her breakout role, plays the passenger on the bus that gets behind the wheel when the driver is shot. The film won 2 Academy Awards in 1995.

1996



-Dolly is the name given to the first mammal ever cloned. She is a sheep who was "born" on July 2nd and lived to the age of six.
-"Deep Blue" is the name of a chess playing computer developed by IBM that Russian Gary Kasparov beat in February.
-Michael Johnson is the American sprinter who won gold in the 400m and 200m at the Summer Olympics in Atlanta. During the competiton Johnson wore a custom-designed pair of golden-colored Nike racing spikes made with Zytel, causing him to be nicknamed "The Man With the Golden Shoes."
-Derek Jeter helps lead the New York Yankees to their first World Series since 1978, beating the Atlanta Braves 4 games to 2.
-Sheryl Crow's self titled album is banned from Wal-Mart stores because of the lyric "Watch out sister, watch out brother/watch our children while they kill each other/with a gun they bought at Wal-Mart Discount Stores".
-The Usual Suspects is a criminal, mystery movie in which Kevin Spacey won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Verbal Kint...and Keyser Soze.
-The Daily Show begins on Comedy Central on July 21st with Craig Kilborn as the host.


1997



-MMM bop is the debut single by pop band Hanson. It becomes one of the biggest debut singles of all time, reaching #1 in 27 countries.
-Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom on May 2nd.
-The English Patient wins the Oscar for Best Picture.
-The Rachel is the name given to a popular haircut worn by women during the '90s. The look got it's name from the hairstyle worn by Jennifer Aniston's character Rachel Green in the TV sitcom Friends.
-Princess Diana of Wales dies in an automobile accident in Paris.
-Madonna releases hit single "Don't Cry for Me Argentina"
-President Clinton is accused of having "sexual relations" with 22-year-old white house intern Monica Lewinsky.


1998



-Mark McGwire of the St.Louis Cardinals and Sammy Sosa of the Chicago Cubs chase and break Roger Maris' single season homerun record.
-Nagano hosts the Winter Olympics.
-Michael Jordan retires for the second time after winning his sixth NBA Championship with the Chicago Bulls.
-El Nino is an invasion of warm water into the surface of the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Peru and Ecuador every four to seven years that causes changes in local and regional climate. The most severe of these occurrences took place between 1997-98.
-Seinfeld, the popular NBC sitcome, airs it's final episode on May 14th.
-He Got Game is a Spike Lee joint starring Denzel Washington and NBA superstar Ray Allen.
-Larry Bird is enshrined in the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachuesetts.


1999



-Britney Spears bursts onto the pop music scene with her debut single "...Baby One More Time"
-Y2K is the name given to a computer related scare at the turn of the millenium. In computer programs, the practice of representing the year with two digits becomes problematic with logical error(s) arising upon "rollover" from x99 to x00. This caused some date-related processing to operate incorrectly for dates and times on and after January 1, 2000 and on other critical dates which were billed "event horizons". Without corrective action, it was suggested that long-working systems would break down when the "...97, 98, 99, 00..." ascending numbering assumption suddenly became invalid. Companies and organizations worldwide checked, fixed, and upgraded their computer systems.
-Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is released by writer/director George Lucas and receives mixed reviews.
-The Columbine massacre is partially blamed on the hard rock music of Marilyn Manson.
-Who Wants to be a Millionaire is a game show that debuts on ABC with Regis Philbin as the host.


2000



-Harry Potter is the title character of a popular book series written by British author J.K. Rowling.
-Hanging chads were the subject of the controversial election results in Florida.
-PlayStation2, the best selling video game console to date, is released by Sony.
-Elian Gonzalez is the subject of an immigration/custody battle between the U.S. and Cuba. Gonzalez is ultimately returned to Cuba to be with his father in June.
-Sydney hosts the Summer Olympics. The Untited States leads the medal count, although sprinter Marion Jones won 3 golds and 2 bronzes, which have since been taken back.
-Kim Jong il is the controversial leader of North Korea who has been in power since 1994.
-The dot come bubble peaks on March 10th (the NASDAQ hits 5,048.62) and eventually starts to tank for a multitude of reasons.


2001



-Stem cell research is restricted to those cells that already exist by President Bush.
-9/11 is the date of the most devasting terrorist attack on American soil. Terrorist hijack four airplanes, fly two of them into the World Trade Center's twin towers, one into the Pentagon, and one is overtaken and crashes in a Pennsylvania field. The death total reaches nearly 3,000.
-Google, the internet search engine, increases in popularity and starts acquiring other companies to improve its brand.
-Jingoism refers to the overly nationalistic feeling expressed by Americans after the 9/11 attacks.
-Halle Berry stars in the film Monster's Ball, a role that would win her an Academy Award for Best Actress (the first African American woman to win the award).
-The NFL/MLB return to action after 9/11.
-Enron's books are revealed to have been cooked. The energy company eventually files for bankruptcy and many of their top executive face jail time.


2002



-Russel Crowe appears as the lead actor in back to back Best Picture winners (Gladiator and A Beautiful Mind). He won the Oscar for Best Actor for his role in Gladiator.
-The Homeland Security Act creates the Department of Homeland Security. The Act includes many of the organizations under which the powers of the USA PATRIOT Act are exercised. Among other things, it creates the new cabinet-level position of Secretary of Homeland Security.
-WMD's become a hot topic as the UN investigates into whether or not Iraq has them.
-Washington D.C. Sniper John Allen Muhammad killed at least 10 innocent people in early October before getting arrested on the 24th.
-American Idol, a popular television show singing competition, debuts on FOX. Kelly Clarkson is the Season One winner.
-World Com, an American telecommunications company, files chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The largest filing in history.


2003



-The Human Genome Project is completed 13 years after it began in 1990. The goal was to determine the sequence of chemical base pairs which make up DNA and to identify and map the approximately 20,000–25,000 genes of the human genome from both a physical and functional standpoint.
-Syracuse University wins the 2003 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship behind the outstanding play of freshmen Carmelo Anthony and Gerry McNamara.
-The Iraq War begins on March 20th when coalition forces invade the Persian Gulf.
-Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code is published and quickly becomes a best seller.
-Martha Stewart, a famous magazine editor, TV Host, and author, is indicted for insider trading and obstruction of justice. She would go on to spend five months in a federal prison in West Virginia.


2004



-Facebook, the social network site, launches and quickly finds a massive following.
-Condeleezza Rice is nominated to become Secretary of State by President Bush on November 16th.
-Livestrong bracelets are launched as a fundraising measure for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. They quickly become very popular.
-John Kerry receives the Democratic nomination to run for president. During the campaign, he was pegged as a flip-flopper by Republicans for his stance on the War in Iraq. When speaking about a military appropriations bill Kerry said, "I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it."
-The Boston Red Sox are on the brink of elimination, down 3-0 in the ALCS and trailing the Yankees 4-3 in the bottom of the 9th inning in Game 4 before scoring a run against Mariano Rivera to tie the game and eventually winning the game in extra innings. They would go on to win the next three games to win the series (the first team to come back from a 3-0 series defecit) and advance to the World Series where they swept the St. Louis Cardinals to win their first title in 86 years.


2007



-The Writer's Guild of America goes on strike on November 5th and demands more compensation for their work. During the strike, many televisions shows are put on hold as new episodes can't air until the writer's write them. The strike is stopped on February 10th of 2008.
-The Dixie Chicks collected 5 awards at the Grammy's including Record, Album, and Song of the year.
-Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick pleads guilty to felony charges of operating a dog fighting ring in August. He is sentenced to serve 23 months in federal prison.
-Mad Men, a television drama set in the 1960's premieres on AMC on July 19th.
-iphones, a cell phone/ipod hybrid, is unveiled by Apple CEO Steve Jobbs.
-Record high gas prices plague the nation in the summer of 2007 with prices in some areas topping $4 a gallon.
-Juno is a comedy/drama film starring Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jason Bateman, and Jennifer Garner. The film receives 4 Academy Award nominations, winning one.


2008



-Twitter is a social networking and microblogging service that enables its users to send and read messages known as tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 characters displayed on the author's profile page and delivered to the author's subscribers who are known as followers.
-Eliot Spitzer, the governor of New York, resigns after he is linked to a prostitution ring. The affadavit famously refers to the governor as "Client-9".
-A global financial crisis starts to take shape as the U.S. housing, banking,insurance, and auto industries start to collapse. Hot terms describing the crisis are "bailouts", "too big too fail", and "stimulus package".
-Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, is chosen as John McCain's running mate in the 2008 presidential election. Palin creates a lot of buzz for the GOP with her good looks and everyday language.
-Michael Phelps swims for 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics (setting 7 new world records in the process) and is later photographed hitting a bong while visiting South Carolina University.
-Barack Obama is elected as the 44th president of the United States of America.


2009



-Cash for clunkers is a domestic program intended to encourage Americans to purchase new cars in an attempt to stimulate the economy.
-Brett Favre, the future NFL Hall of Fame quarterback, returns to the NFL, this time as a member of the Minnesota Vikings.
-Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers beat the Orlando Magic to win the NBA Championship. It is the first title for Bryant without Shaquille O'Neal as his teammate.
-Michael Jackson, the pop icon, dies after suffering cardiac arrest on June 25th.
-Jon and Kate Gosselin are consistently a topic on the tabloids after their highly publicized divorce.
-A swine flu outbreak in humans is declared a public health emergency of international concern.
-Crystal meth is a psychoactive stimulant drug that increases alertness and energy, and in high doses can induce euphoria, enhance self esteem, and increase sexual pleasure. It has become increasingly popular in the United States in the 2000s.
-Tiger Woods crashes his Denali into a fire hydrant on November 27th and is taken to the hospital. Shortly thereafter details of Woods' ramped infidelity start to surface.


2010



-The Health Care Reform Bill causes a heated national debate. A new faction of conservatives, known as the Tea Party Movement, ardently oppose the bill which they call "Obamacare". Eventually the bill passes both the House (without a vote?) and the Senate and is signed into law.
-Regulation of the financial industry appears to be the next challenge that President Obama plans to tackle. The call for reform has been expedited in the wake of the SEC charging Goldman Sachs with knowingly selling people investments that were designed to fail.
-Jay Leno kicks Conan O'Brien to the curb and re-assumes his position as the host of The Tonight Show after his 10 p.m. show flops as bad as Vlade Divac.

Friends before Fame

Just like most Americans I'm infatuated with the lives of celebrities. For example,I admittedly read two pop culture blogs daily. Also, when I'm home I don't hesistate to flip through my mom's People and US Weekly magazines. I think what I find most fascinating is what celebrities were like before they became famous. It's also really cool to find out that two celebrities knew each other well before either of them hit it big. For example, for those of you that didn't watch the new HBO show "Joe Buck Live", sportscaster Joe Buck and actor/comedian Paul Rudd were boyhood friends in Kansas.


Rudd is on the left, Buck is second from the left

Along the same lines, I recently stumbled across this site that highlights pairs of celebrities that were roommates before becoming famous. For those of you that stubbornly/lazily avoid clicking on my links, here are a few of the notable former roommates.

Judd Apatow/Adam Sandler-lived together in L.A. before making it big. Actual footage of the onetime roommates is shown at the beginning of their new film Funny People.

Al Gore/Tommy Lee Jones- roomed and partied together as upperclassmen at Harvard.

Kiefer Sutherland/Robert Downey Jr.- Hollywood bunkmates for 3 years. Imagine the kind of drugs these two did together.

Dustin Hoffman/Gene Hackman- shared a tiny NYC apartment together in the early '60s and starred together with the following pair in the 2003 film Runaway Jury.

John Cusack/Jeremy Piven- grew up together in Evanston, Illinois and lived together in Chicago while they studied acting. The two have shared the silverscreen 10 times.


Now naturally this got me thinking about my own former roommates. I don't think there's any doubt that I'm going to hit it big, but I can't figure out if any of my former roommates have what it takes to join me in the world of celebrity. Let's take a look at the candidates.

1.) My cousin, who for reasons I don't even know myself has yet to be mentioned by name since the conception of this blog.



Roommate from: Sept. '04-May '05, Sept '05-May '06, Aug. '07-May '08 (28 total months)
Current Location: Hoboken, N.J.
Hobbies/Interests: Michael Jordan, basketball, golf, youtubing panda bears making spaghetti, rap music, lax, talking to me online for 4 hours a day, capturing Bigfoot, Jimmy Buffett
Best chance at becoming famous: He actually has a pretty good movie idea, but needs someone (i.e. me) to write the screenplay. He has also appeared in Cosmopolitan magazine.

2.) Glancy



Roommate from: Sept. '06- May '07, Dec. '08- Apr. '09 (14 total months)
Current Location: Chicago, Illinois
Hobbies/Interests: America, Tobacco, sleeping with the TV on, recruiting websites, Notre Dame football, waking up with one sock on, Bill Simmons, Miller Lite, 24, movies, all Chicago and New England based professional sports franchises, pulling his shirt over his head and pouring beer onto his covered mouth
Best Chance at becoming famous: Despite being the Illinois State Player of the Year in hockey in highschool and the #1 baseball recruit back in college his athletic prowess has all but evaporated. As a former co-host of my weekly sports talk radio show, his best bet is probably becoming the Jack-O to my Bill Simmons.

3.) Dylan



Roommate from: Sept. '06- May '07 (9 total months)
Current Location: Redding, CT
Hobbies/Interests: becoming a member of the Navy SEALs, biking, going to Arthur Ave in the Bronx 5 times a week to get fresh mozzarella and tortellini, UNC basketball, driving aggressively, techno music, talking about getting into fights without ever actually fighting anyone, tearing his labrum, wearing flannel shirts.
Best Chance at becoming famous: Even though he "ran shit" in highschool, I don't really like Dylan's chances at hitting it big. I think his celebrity potential peaks at something like creating a website like college humor and starring in the videos.

4.) Kess



Roommate from: Sept. '06- May '07 (9 total months)
Current Location: Brewster, NY
Hobbies/Interests: fixing computers, the Jersey Shore, Penn State Football, doing Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions, googling, certain kinds of whiskey, lifting oversized tires, biology, serving up moonshots, cooking, eating without drinking a drop of anything, snoring, mononucleosis, dry heaving.
Best Chance at becoming famous: I'd like to think that he could somehow turn his aspirations of becoming a doctor into fame, but I don't know how feasible that is, so I'll say creating a fact website similar to the ones about Chuck Norris and Tim Tebow about someone we all know...

5.) Pete



Roommate from: Sept. '06- May '07 (9 total months)
Current Location: Larchmont, NY
Hobbies/Interests: Greek Thanksgiving, the New York Yankees, doing John Sterling impressions, swinging at sliders in the dirt, slanging, video games, baseball, powdering
Best Chance at becoming famous: Reality television. If you put a camera on this kid, Truman Show style, it'd be must see TV.

6.) Max



Roommate from: Sept. '07- May '08 (9 total months)
Current Location: West Babylon, NY
Hobbies/Interests: Soccer, wiffleball, how NFL fields are painted, singing this song, Billy Joel, darts, hookah, being a stud, chewing on paper towels/napkins, Spain, Amsterdam, being bilingual, Las Vegas, Lionel Messi
Best Chance at becoming famous: Because he is a sexual being, I can see Max getting involved with a South American model and then intertwining himself with the Hollywood elite after a few more forays with supermodels/actresses.

7.) Greg



Roommate from: Sept. '07- May '08 (9 total months)
Current Location: This kid could be anywhere from Portland, Oregon to Saigon and I'd believe it.
Hobbies/Interests: gardening, chopping wood, operating machinery, wearing a pencil behind his ear, building shelves, breaking hearts, fishing, being sketchy, knowing "a guy" for everything, fixing flat tires, having flabby arms, reading blueprints, boating
Best Chance at becoming famous: Being the first person to drive John Madden's bus, the Goodyear blimp, Air Force One, a cruiseship, and a racecar at the Indy 500 all in the same day.