The King's Throne

Over the weekend Miami Heat forward LeBron James was awarded with his 3rd NBA Regular Season MVP award. Only seven other players in NBA history have accomplished that feat. LeBron is only 27, so I imagine that he might win a few more. The biggest difference between LeBron and the seven other 3 time MVPs is that they’ve all won at least one NBA title. That said, I still think LeBron ranks pretty favorably all time as his career stands right now.

To adequately assess LeBron’s place in NBA history we’ll use The Book of Basketball written by ESPN.Com/Grantland.Com columnist Bill Simmons. He knows a lot more about the NBA than I do, so I’m comfortable using his rankings even though I disagree with a few of them.

LeBron was ranked 20th back when the book came out in 2009. Simmons wrote, “A dopey ranking for obvious reasons: he’s twenty-three and headed for the top-eight (possibly higher) in the The Second Book of Basketball, which should be released somewhere between 2016 and 2018 after my wife leaves me and I need a quick influx of cash.”

I know LeBron hasn’t won a title yet (just wait about a month and that might change), but he’s unquestionably the best player in the world. He took an absolute dogshit Cavs team to the finals in 2007. Aside from LeBron that team featured Eric Snow, Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Big Z, Varejao, and Daniel Gibson.

I think that LeBron, at the very minimum, ranks 14th all time right now. Here are the players that currently rank ahead of him.

1.) Michael Jordan- 6 time NBA champion, 6 time NBA Finals MVP, 14 time All-Star, 5 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 10 times, All Defensive First Team 9 times, NBA Defensive Player of the Year (1988), 10 time scoring champ (7 consecutive), starred in Space Jam (1996)

Career averages- 30.1 points, 6.2 rebounds, 5.3 assists

2.) Bill Russell- 11 time NBA champion (they didn’t give out the NBA Finals MVP Award until 1969), 12 time All-Star, 5 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 3 times, 5 time rebounding champ, was awarded the presidential medal for freedom (the highest award a civilian can receive)

Career averages- 15.1 points, 22.5 rebounds, 4.3 assists

3.) Kareem Abdul Jabbar- 6 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 19 time All-Star, 6 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 10 times, All Defensive First Team 5 times, 2 time scoring champ, 2 time rebounding champ, 4 time blocks champ, NBA’s All-Time leading scorer, starred in Airplane (1980)

Career averages- 24.6 points, 11.2 rebounds, 2.5 blocks

4.) Magic Johnson-5 time NBA Champion, 3 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, 4 time assists champ, 2 time steals champ, is HIV positive

Career averages- 19.5 points, 11.2 assists, 7.2 rebounds

5.) Larry Bird- 3 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, All Defensive First Team 2 times, dominated the first ever 3-point contest with his warm-ups still on



Career averages- 24.3 points, 10.0 rebounds, and 6.3 assists

6.) Wilt Chamberlain- 2 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 13 time All-Star, 4 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 7 times, All Defensive First Team 2 times, 7 time scoring champ, 11 time rebounding champ, 1 time assists champ, NBA’s All-Time leading rebounder, scored 100 points in a game, slept with over 20,000 different women

Career averages- 30.1 points, 22.9 rebounds, 4.4 assists

7.) Kobe Bryant*- 5 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 14 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, All NBA Defensive First Team 9 times, 2 time scoring champ, allegedly sexually assaulted a hostess in a Colorado hotel (we all know it was just consensual sex though)

Career averages- 25.4 points, 5.3 rebounds, 4.7 assists

*Simmons had Kobe at #15 in his book, but wrote in the epilogue wrote the following because the Kobe’s Lakers won the title in 2009, “For the paperback I’m expanding the Pyramid to 13 and sticking Kobe at No.8. And you know what? Duncan’s No. 7 spot isn’t safe. Let’s see how the next few years play out.” Well Kobe went on to win another title and Finals MVP in 2010, so I think it’s safe to bump him past The Big Fundamental. Everyone else listed will obviously now drop down a spot from where they were when the book was first published.

8.) Tim Duncan- 4 time NBA champion, 3 time NBA Finals MVP, 13 time All-Star, 2 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, All Defensive First Team 8 times, has never committed a foul in his career and gets fouled on every shot attempt in the paint

Career averages- 20.3 points, 11.3 rebounds, 2.2 blocks

9.) Jerry West- 1 time NBA champion, 1 time NBA Finals MVP (in a series his team lost), 14 time All-Star, All NBA First Team 10 times, All Defensive First Team 4 times, 1 time scoring champ, 1 time assists champ, the NBA logo was modeled after him, Nicknamed Mr. Clutch even though his team lost 8 of the 9 times they went to the Finals



Career averages- 27.0 points, 6.7 assists, 5.8 rebounds

10.) Oscar Robertson- 1 time NBA champion, 12 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 9 times, nicknamed "The Big O" which is pretty cool

Career averages- 25.7 points, 7.5 rebounds, 9.5 assists

11.) Hakeem Olajuwon- 2 time NBA champion, 2 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 6 times, All Defensive First Team 5 times, 2 time NBA Defensive Player of the Year, 2 time rebound champ, 3 time blocks champ, only won his titles because MJ had retired

Career averages- 21.8 points, 11.1 rebounds, 3.1 blocks

12.) Shaquille O’Neal- 4 time NBA Champion, 3 time NBA Finals MVP, 15 time All-Star, 1 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 8 times, 2 time scoring champ, has a doctorate degree from Barry University

Career averages- 23.7 points, 10.9 rebounds, 2.3 blocks

13.) Moses Malone- 1 time NBA champion, 1 time NBA Finals MVP, 12 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 4 times, All Defensive Team 1 time, 6 time rebounding champ

Career averages- 20.6 points, 12.2 rebounds, 1.3 blocks


Notice that all of those players won at least one NBA Championship. That’s the only thing missing from LeBron’s resume.

LeBron James- 8 time All-Star, 3 time NBA Regular Season MVP, All NBA First Team 6 times*, All Defensive First Team 4 times*, 1 time scoring champ, nicknamed himself King James, the only thing that moves faster than LBJ on a fast break is his receding hairline



*LeBron hasn’t officially been named to the All NBA First Team and the All Defensive First Team for the 2011-12 season, but let’s be real here. He’s going to.

Career averages- 27.6 points, 7.2 rebounds, 6.9 assists

If the Heat win the title this year I think that vaults LeBron past Jerry West to #9 all time.

I guess my point is this. Instead of bashing LeBron every time the Heat lose, you should embrace his incredible skill and talent.

College Manifesto

It’s hard to believe, but 7 years ago this week I began my illustrious college career. Friend of the blog, and my boy for life, Gens recently told me that he sent a “things I wish I knew before I went” email to two kids venturing off to college. Now Gens is a wise man because he realized that this college manifesto, if you will, is a perfect blog topic for yours truly. You see people- this is the kind of idea that I expect you to send my way from time to time.

I won’t include Gens’ email because our thoughts are relatively similar, but as fate would have it in the days after the idea was presented to me I saw the following paragraph in an ESPN.Com column by Bill Simmons.

That reminds me, it's my duty to pass along these five rules for anyone heading to college: stay active beyond your classes (newspaper, radio station, etc.); don't date anyone for longer than two semesters; always drink liquor before beer and not vice-versa; don't forget to call your parents every few days; and approach your classes the same way Shaq approached his NBA career. In other words, don't kill yourself trying to become the best center of all time; just do enough to eventually get mentioned in the top 10, and enjoy every moment along the way. Shaq could have ended up with a 3.95 in the NBA; he settled for a 3.4. Ultimately, did it really matter? He won three four rings, made something like $300 million, clinched a spot on the "best 15 players ever" list, kicked ass for three straight postseasons and will be remembered by everybody who watched him. That's what you want to get out of college.

I must admit that I was impressed that he summed it up that succinctly, but after reflecting I think I can boil it down to one sentence.

Think big picture, but live in the moment.

For a more detailed explanation of what I mean here is my college manifesto:

Go to class- Although you may think that it’s “cool” to skip class you should really make it a point to go. I don’t care how tired or hungover you are. Despite what professors want to believe there isn’t a lot critical thinking involved at the college level. All you need to do in most classes is regurgitate information. Whether it be on a quiz, paper, or test all you have to do is spit back the material that your professor presents to you. If you don’t go to class you won’t have the slightest idea of what that information is.

Going to class and paying attention when you’re there helps build a rapport with your professor. This can only benefit you. Another way to establish a positive relationship with your professor is to go to their office hours. I don’t care if you have the simplest question ever. Hardly anyone shows up to a professor’s office hours, so making that effort will work wonders. From that point forward they will know who you are and do everything in their power to make sure that you succeed in their class.


Take a nap everyday (M-F)- Like I said, being too tired for class is a poor excuse. Do what you can to attend all of your classes and budget out 45-60 minutes a day to nap. These naps will be the best thing ever.


Get involved- There are so many opportunities to get involved on a college campus that you would be foolish not to take advantage of them. Sure, sitting around your dorm room playing video games may be a good conduit to make friends early in your freshmen year, it’s also a gigantic waste of time.

When I say get involved, I don’t mean in the high school way where you did things only so that you could put them on your college applications. Sure, getting involved in college can help boost your resume, but college is all about discovering yourself, so only get involved in things that truly interest you.

Within the first few weeks of my freshman year I became friends with a kid on my floor and we went down to the campus radio station and they gave us a weekly show (there was a tryout that we dominated). During my sophomore year a girl that I had hooked up with noticed a sign in the cafeteria about a sports broadcasting meeting. I had seen the sign as well, but I was hesitant about showing up by myself. This girl basically talked me into it and I’m sure glad that she did. In the years that followed I announced men’s basketball, women’s basketball, and men’s lacrosse on the radio and internet. Now I work for the worldwide leader in sports.

As a junior my cousin who will not be named got me a job as a referee for the intramural department. I was already very active in the intramural community, so it was a perfect fit. I essentially got paid to be somewhere where I normally was anyway. Eventually I became an intramural supervisor and was afforded the privilege of swiping in and out of work. Instead of getting paid by the game I was paid by the hour I was clocked in. This meant that I got paid to play intramural games, write power rankings, create fake awards (Ex- Stud and Dud of the Week), and to play pickup basketball.

During my senior year I began writing for the school’s newspaper. For the first semester I only wrote a weekly humor column, but in the second semester I received 3 credits to write an additional news story (of my choosing) every week. I wrote articles about my friends that were athletes, about intramural sports, and about campus trends.


Stay Active- You probably take for granted how high school sports kept you in shape. Because the majority of you are not talented enough to play collegiate sports you need other ways to stay active. If not, you’ll pack on the infamous Freshman 15 real quick.

I was never much of a workout warrior, but I stayed active by playing intramural sports and playing pickup basketball. Intramurals are a great way to make friends. I can’t tell you how many kids I came to know solely because of playing intramurals. Form a team with the kids on your floor and don’t take yourselves too seriously. A lot of gym class heroes play intramurals, but no matter how competitive you are always remember that it’s only intramurals. It’s not worth getting in a fight over.

As far as playing pickup basketball goes. I don’t care how good you are (or think you are) your goal early on should be to be a good teammate. Pass the ball. Only shoot when you have to. If you’re fun to be on a team with things will go a lot better for you. If you’re a turnover machine who shoots the ball every time you touch it no one will want to be on your team.


Learn your roommate’s schedule- No explanation necessary


Get a fake ID- It’s essential to have a fake ID in college until that magical day when you turn 21. A lot of the action is at bars and you won’t be able to get in without a fake ID.

Ideally for your fake ID you want a real ID that hasn’t expired. Most bars won’t let you in if your ID has expired and they also scan IDs and truly fake or doctored IDs won’t scan.

Here’s what you do.

Step 1- identify an older brother, former teammate, or friend that is 21 and sort of looks like you. Step 2- Give them $50-$100 to fill out a lost identification form at your DMV’s website. Step 3- Ask them for their old ID and another form of photo identification if at all possible.

I paid my older brother to claim he lost his ID and he actually just held on to the old ID and let me use the brand new one. After I turned 21 a kid I played lacrosse with in high school asked me for my old ID and I gave it to him (along with another photo ID). Then one night at a bar about a year later a bouncer came up to me and told me that my little brother keeps trying to get in with my ID. I kept telling him that I didn’t have a little brother and he thought I was just covering for an actual brother, but then I realized who it was.


Find a relatively remote toilet somewhere on campus- When you aren’t in or close to your dorm you’re going to need a sanctuary to defecate. The less populated the facility the better.


Find a computer lab- Doing schoolwork in your dorm, townhouse, house, etc. will become increasingly difficult as your college career unfolds. There are just too many distractions. That’s why it’s crucial to find a place where you can get some work done. It’s also important that the work space you choose includes the option to print. I had a printer during my freshman year, but once the ink ran out (quickly because everyone will ask you to use your printer if they know you have one) I never replaced it.

Most people do their work in the library and as long as you go there when it’s not packed (Sunday nights) you should be fine.


Take a Public Speaking course- I don’t care if your major is Math or Biology. At some point in your college career you should take a Public Speaking course. Not only is it the most helpful class you can take, but it’s the only one that will definitely have real world benefits.


Go to church- First and foremost I’m not advocating the 9am mass on Sunday mornings. Most schools will have a 10pm mass on Sundays. That’s the one to attend. Why? Well everyone gets something different from going to mass, so I won’t pretend to be a missionary. For me it depended on who the priest was. If he could relate and deliver a meaningful message I went (only for about a 5 week stretch in my sophomore year). One of my friends once told me that he goes because it gives him a chance to reflect on what he did during the past week and what he wants to do the following week.

Now that’s all fine and good, but going to church in college is actually a great place to meet girls. Not that you’re picking them up in the communion line, but you at least become aware of one another and can go from there.


Girls- As far as females go, it’s important to remember that they are just as horny as you are (I think this is forgotten too often). Early on it’s all about getting them to come back to your dorm room (perhaps to “watch a movie”). That’s not an easy task by any means, but once you have them in your room you are golden.

Ironically, though, I liked to play on the road and here’s why. 1.) Female beds are a lot more comfortable 2.) You don’t have to worry about when she’s going to leave. It’s all up to you and I would recommend leaving early.

When hooking up with girls try not to get tied down. Be smart and very selective before you even think about dating a girl. I'm not saying don't do it. Just be careful. You go to a small school. Dating a girl usually renders all of her friends off limits for the remainder of your stay in college. If you just hook up with a girl a few times freshman year you can still hook up with her friends when you’re a junior or senior.

Never lose sight of the fact that at no other time in your life will you be surrounded by so many good looking, attainable females that are looking to get some. Make the most of this opportunity.

It should also be noted that 2 out of every 3 girls that have boyfriends will cheat. There’s nothing wrong with being “such a good listener” because odds are she’s going to cave.


Go on Spring Break- Do yourself a favor and go on Spring Break with a group of friends at least once while you’re in college. You’ll make some memories that you won’t forget for the rest of your life. For example, I’ve told the story before, but the name of this very blog stems from a comment my buddy Glancy made during Spring Break in South Padre, Texas.


Alcohol- Bringing alcohol into the dorms and imbibing it is a risk worth taking, but never forget that it’s a risk. Odds are that you’re going to get written up at least once. My recommendations are as follows:

While bringing a 30 pack of beer into the dorms the tried and true method of unloading the cans into a backpack is the way to go. Where people run into trouble is that all too often they load the backpack up in the parking lot close to the dorm where they plan on bringing it in. What you should do is load the backpack up right after it’s purchased at your local package store. Then have the driver drop off the bag carrier near an academic building (or library) and have them walk back to the dorm from there. This at least creates the illusion that they are coming from a class and may in fact have books in their bag.

Once the alcohol is in the dorm I would suggest partying in someone else’s dorm room. Casually drinking/pre-gaming with your roommate and a few others is fine, but if music, beer pong, etc. are involved you want to be somewhere else. This is because if you get written up (and again, it’s probably going to happen) your RA or the RA on duty will remember what dorm the drinking occurred and assign most of the blame (at least mentally) to those that inhabit it.

You also may be in a bar that gets raided (happened to me twice). Get out of the building by any means necessary.


Visit your closest friends from high school at their college- Do this at least once and don’t wait until your senior year because you won’t want to miss a weekend then. I visited at least 5 of my closest friends (7 if you count schools in Syracuse) during my four years of college.


Think big picture- Never let a test or paper prevent you from going out. Always ask yourself, “What is this test going to matter in 5-10 years?” Along the same lines, never be too tired to go out. You don’t want to miss a memorable night. Almost all of your college memories will be from social events and you’ll never forgive yourself if you missed the night when ________ happened because you were studying for a Philosophy test.


Get your (parents’) money’s worth- College is crazy expensive. Assuming my initial points about not skipping class weren’t convincing enough, each class you attend costs about $175 ($40,000 a year/240 classes or 10 per week). Don’t throw that money away. Go learn something.

Speaking of which, don’t skip any meals either. Get your grub on and make the most of your cafeteria. Most people will complain about the limited options, but get creative and embrace the food.


Try new things- You will inevitably fall into some sort of social rhythm or pattern. This bar on Tuesday, that bar on Thursday, this dorm on Friday, this house on Saturday, etc. While these options may be great don’t confine yourself to them. Expand your range for late night activities. Go saki bombing, get margaritas on Cinco de Mayo, make some jungle juice, host a theme party, etc.


Go abroad- This is my one regret from college. I never went because I couldn’t stand the thought of missing an entire Notre Dame football season or Syracuse basketball season, but looking back I wish that I did. I haven’t heard anyone say a bad word about their time abroad. Ever. Seeing the world is something that everyone should do and going with a group of kids you go to college (even if you haven’t met any of them) is the perfect opportunity.


Stay informed- It’s easy to get consumed with your own little world as a college student, but do your best to stay in tune with what’s happening in the world. Trust me, your professors will notice if you have some concept of what’s happening politically, economically, internationally, etc. I achieved this task by regularly watching The Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Watching these shows paid significant dividends for me in my politics, communications, and writing classes.


Develop a relationship with 1-2 professors- You will inevitably have a favorite teacher or two. Make the most of this relationship. You will need them as a reference when you start applying for jobs.


Realize that everything comes full circle- Don’t get mad if you have to pay $5 for a solo cup at a party. By the time you’re a senior you’ll be on the other end of that transaction. Also, don’t get upset if a girl is hooking up with an older guy because sooner or later you’ll be that older guy and come second semester senior year all of the girls in your grade will be desperately looking for some loving.


Cherish every moment because it goes wayyy too quickly- Have fun.

Oscars 2010

The 82nd Annual Academy Awards will be held this Sunday, which means that it's time for me to handicap the year's best in film. In case you haven't been paying attention, and I assume that most of you haven't, the major storyline this year is the much hyped rivalry between James Cameron's Avatar and Kathyrn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker. Entering the home stretch these two films seem to be the frontrunners for Best Picture and their respective directors seem to be the frontrunners for Best Director. Now what makes this plot so interesting is that Cameron and Bigelow were married from 1989-1991. They claim to be on amicable terms, but I don't buy it. Bigelow has not re-married, nor had she wed anyone prior to Cameron, whereas Cameron is currently on wife #5 (Bigelow was #3). Call me crazy, but I think that there's definitely some deep felt bitterness/tension there.

So am I on Team Cameron or Team Kathryn? Well, normally in these situations I side with the man, but he's Canadian and she's American and I'm still bitter about the gold medal hockey game. I actually don't really want either of their movies to win Best Picture (although I think one of them will), so I'll go ahead and give Bigelow my support in the Best Director category. Also, if she wins, she'll be the first female to take home Uncle Oscar in that category(assuming I did my research properly). Who said I wasn't for the societal advancement of women?

Now for my Best Picture/Best Actor/Actress/Best Supporting Actor/Actress picks and breakdown. In case you're a gambler, remember that I went 4/5 on my picks last year. There's gotta be a way to gamble on this, right?


Best Picture

Avatar

As I wrote last month, this movie was made for 13 year old boys and has no business being considered for Best Picture.

The Blind Side

If you don’t at least choke up while reading this article about the true story behind this movie then feel free to never talk to me again.

District 9

This is a joke, right? I blame all of the supporters of The Dark Knight that pissed and moaned when the Academy snubbed Christopher Nolan's film. Is this really what you wanted? A sci-fi movie about aliens living in Africa? I'm going to stop before I get even more angry.

An Education

Probably a benficiary of the expansion to 10 nominees, but I can see why people liked this coming of age story. Also, I think the Academy gives bonus points for films that primarily use English actors.

The Hurt Locker

One of the three nominees that I've actually seen (I'm a fake ass movie buff). It was definitely a good and entertaining movie, but I wasn’t wild about it. Maybe it was that I had high expectations or that I didn't get something that the critics did (both distinct possibilities), but I gave it about a 3.7 out of 5.

Inglourious Basterds

Really? This movie was good? I thought it was supposed to be a slapstick comedy. That being said, it’s currently sitting atop my Netflix queue.

Precious

A poor, fat black girl, who at 15 (I think) is pregnant with her second child, gets inspired to turn her life around by a few teachers at a new, special school. I'm sure the movie is very good, but the plot seems like it's been done a million times.

A Serious Man

Are there special rules for movies written or produced by the Coen brothers like there are for Notre Dame in the BCS?

Up

You mean to tell me that someone with an Oscar vote chose this animated work as their favorite film of the year (one of the requisites to earn a nomination)? I'm sure that this movie has a nice message and all, but there's no chance that it's deserving of an Oscar nomination.

And why isn't it deserving of such an honor? Simple. Because it has its own category. Based on this nomination, Up is now a lock to win the Oscar for Best Animated Film (which is sort of was anyway, but you get my point).

Up in the Air

I think that this film was the best of the year. Hands down. The movie not only has the right blend of romance, drama, and comedy, but it also makes you think as you're walking out of the theater. Simply put, the movie has a moral message.

Which movie will win? The Hurt Locker
Which movie should win/am I rooting for? Up in the Air
Which movie am I rooting against? Avatar/Up


Best Actor

Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart- In this film, Bridges plays a rundown, alcoholic country singer, who is inspired to turn things around by a female reporter. I haven’t seen it yet, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s a better version of The Wrestler (2009). Bridges pretty much has this award in the bag and, of course, the dude abides.

George Clooney in Up in the Air- Clooney is very good in this film, but probably not good enough to win. This role isn’t Clooney’s best (Michael Clayton is), but it’s certainly Oscar worthy, although his performance gets a bit overshadowed by Anna Kendrick's.

Colin Firth in A Single Man- No real surprise to see that Firth got nominated for playing a gay man who plans on committing suicide to cope with the loss of his partner of 16 years who died in a car accident 8 months earlier.

Morgan Freeman in Invictus- When you’re handpicked by a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize to portray him on the silver screen you’re going to get nominated for an Oscar.

Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker- In this film Renner plays an American soldier in Iraq who seems de-sensitized to war despite his high pressure job of disarming bombs. His even keel, almost light-hearted way of going about him job is a bit perplexing, but it’s what gives the character depth. If I was Renner I’d probably write an acceptance speech, but I wouldn’t plan on giving it.

Which actor will win? Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart
Which actor should win/am I rooting for? Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart
Which actor am I rooting against? n/a


Best Actress

Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side- I’ve always had a thing for Sandra and I’m glad to see that she finally earned an Oscar nomination. How she wasn’t nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Speed (1994) is beyond me. Come Sunday, you can bet your bottom dollar that the 45 year old starlet will join the sacred sorority of Best Actress winners.

Helen Mirren in The Last Station- Mirren won this award for her role in The Queen (2006), so she shouldn’t expect to return to the podium anytime soon. In the past 40 years only Jodie Foster (’88 and ’91) and Hilary Swank (’99 and ’04) have won the award twice.

Carey Mulligan in An Education- I’m officially rooting against the 24 year old Mulligan solely based on the fact that she dates Shia LeBouf. I don’t want him to get anywhere near an Academy Award.

Gabourey Sidibe in Precious- If she wins (and she won’t), Sidibe would be only the second woman of African American descent to take home the prize. This means that Halle Berry, for her role in Monster’s Ball (2000), is the Jackie Robinson/Barack Obama of the award.

Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia- Is the Academy giving out legacy nominations now? This is kind of like Derek Jeter winning the AL Gold Glove last year even though he was nowhere close to being the best defensive shortstop in the American League.

Which actress will win? Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side
Which actress should win/am I rooting for? Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side
Which actress am I rooting against? Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia/Carey Mulligan in An Education


Best Supporting Actor

Matt Damon in Invictus- I like Damon and have not seen the movie, but this is what ESPN.Com’s Bill Simmons wrote about it back in December.

"While watching Invictus, I had an idea during one of the few moments when I wasn't obsessing over the insanity of Matt Damon being cast as 6-foot-3 South African rugby legend Francois Pienaar. You know how Dwight Howard stands out on a basketball court? That was Pienaar on a rugby field. Six-3, built like granite, bowled over guys like Brandon Jacobs. Since Damon can't be taller than 5-9, they took one of the most imposing physical specimens in rugby history and eliminated the quality that made him memorable. It made as much sense as casting Damon as Dirk Nowitzki. Ah, screw it, he's an A-lister, we need him. ... We'll just make Nowitzki a point guard, nobody will notice. Sorry. I noticed. And couldn't get past it."

No way he wins, right?

Woody Harrelson in The Messenger- In this film, Harrelson plays an army officer who is responsible for notifying family members of those that have died in service to our country. I don’t think he’s going to win, but I’d definitely be okay with it if he did.

Christopher Plummer in The Last Station- The 80 year old Plummer garnered his first Academy Award nomination for his role as the Russian literary giant Leo Tolstoy in this film. In case you didn’t know (although you should), Tolstoy wrote War and Peace and Anna Karenina.

Stanley Tucci in The Lovely Bones- Apparently Tucci gives a stirring performance as the neighborhood serial killer in The Lovely Bones, but his chances of winning are slim because the critics considered Peter Jackson’s film a flop.

Christoph Waltz in Inglorious Basterds- Waltz has received rave reviews for his role as the terrifying and hilarious Col. Hans Landa in Quentin Tarantino's summer blockbuster and just about everybody projects him to win the award on Sunday.

Which actor will win? Christopher Waltz in Inglorious Basterds
Which actor should win/am I rooting for? Christopher Waltz in Inglorious Basterds
Which actor am I rooting against? Matt Damon in Invictus


Best Supporting Actress

Penelope Cruz in Nine- Cruz won this award last year for her role in Woody Allen’s Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona (2008), but I don’t think she has much of a chance to repeat. This seems more like a token nomination to me.

Vera Farmiga in Up in the Air- She was good, but if she didn’t get a nomination in this category for her role in The Departed (2006) then she certainly doesn’t deserve one here.

Maggie Gyllenhall in Crazy Heart- Gyllenhall is slowly working her way into Drew Barrymore (a staple of my Hate List) territory. She’s unattractive and borderline annoying.

Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air- The best thing to come out of the teenager vampire craze was fantastic in this film. I literally couldn’t get enough of her performance, but I unfortunately don’t think the first time nominee is going to win.

Mo’Nique in Precious- I haven’t seen the movie, but apparently this comic turned actress was so awesomely destructive in this role that she pretty much already has this award on her mantel.

Which actress will win? Mo'Nique in Precious
Which actress should win? Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air
Which actress am I rooting against? Maggie Gyllenhall in Crazy Heart

Hot or Not

Hollywood C-lister (maybe B) Amanda Peet appeared on the CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother on Monday night and she looked great. This caught me by surprise because I've never really been a fan of hers in the past.

After thinking more about it I realized that she's just one of a handful of actresses whose attractiveness experiences certain ebbs and flows. In one movie she's hot, the next she's not. Then you see her on The Tonight Show (I'm not getting into that whole fiasco, but an inordinate amount of female celebrities look great as guests on late night talk shows) and she looks hot again. You get the idea. I imagine that these women must be the actresses that actually have talent whereas the Jessica Alba's and the Megan Fox's of the world get by simply because they're hot.

The only other explanation would be that their inconclusive sexual appeal is the very characteristic that makes them appealing in the first place. Now I don't necessarily buy that, but take a look at this excerpt from a July '09 article (well, mailbag) written by ESPN.Com's Bill Simmons.

"Q: My girlfriend has been making me watch "The Bachelorette" and I'm not even ashamed. Isn't it easily as good as any other Monday night comedy? Plus, there's Jillian and the unending internal debate in my head as to whether she's hot or not. Literally every shot of her evokes a different reaction from me. I'm amazed at how intriguing the show is.
-- Mike B. Brighton, Mass.

SG: And you left out Wes, the two-timing country singer who wasn't there for the right reasons, as well as the appropriately named Ed, who couldn't rise to the occasion with Jillian in a sleepover date and now is headed for a double-bathtub ad with her for Cialis. But I had to follow up on your Jillian comment. Never, not ever, not in the history of mankind, has a TV or movie star vacillated back and forth between "not attractive" to "super attractive" this frequently. If you charted it, it would be like an EKG exam gone haywire. She's cute. She's not cute. She's hot. She's smoking! Yikes, I wish her face didn't just do that. She's cute. She's not cute. She's super cute. A genius selection by the show's producer. No wonder Ed couldn't come through on the sleepover date; even his organs were confused by Jillian's looks."

For the record in that case I do buy it, but that's neither here nor there. This waffling of hotness by certain actresses has gone too far. It's time to make some decisions.

I've selected five actresses that teeter back and forth on the theoretical scale of attractiveness. To help illustrate my point I have included two pictures of each. One where I think that they look attractive (on the left) and one where I think that they do not (on the right). I will then decide, once and for all, whether the actress in question is hot, or not.

Let's get to the judging.


1.) Amanda Peet



I think the reason that I wasn't a fan of hers is because I only really knew her from her roles in two movies.

1.) In The Whole Nine Yards (2000) she plays a young, crazy girl who falls for a serial killer. Bottom line- she didn't do it for me.
2.) In Saving Silverman (2001) she plays an unlikable, controlling girlfriend (her name in the Australian version of the film was "Evil Woman") named Judith. She by no means looked bad, but I never fell for her because she was the villian.

Nine years have transpired since she's really been in the spotlight (she's now 38), but after her appearance on HIMYM I think it's safe to say that she's matured quite nicely.

Verdict: HOT


2.) Kirsten Dunst



She looked great in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) (jumping around in your underwear doesn't hurt) and decent in the Spiderman movies with red hair, but if you don't look good with air blowing in your face then something's wrong.

Verdict: NOT


3.) Hilary Swank



I know that the entire subplot of an episode of The Office was centered around whether or not she was hot, but I would like the record to show that I weighed in on this debate in a 2007 column that I wrote for my college newspaper.

Furthermore, there is a website (ishilaryswankhot.com) that is a running poll devoted to answering this question. The majority opinion only has 51% of the vote.

All that aside, I think the two-time Academy Award winner is hurt (from an attractiveness standpoint) by the roles that she chooses. In her breakout role in Boys Don't Cry (1999) she plays a popular teenage boy who is discovered to have been born a girl. In her other Oscar winning role in Million Dollar Baby (2004) she plays a female boxer who gets bruised and battered and wears a mouth piece.

Lastly, I know a girl that has a little Hilary Swank thing going on (the mouth/jaw), but she's much more attractive (and younger- I think she's 20?). I'd post a picture of her, but I think it might be a little creepy considering that 1.) I hardly know her and 2.) She is 1-2 years younger than my friend's little brother (a senior in college) whom she dated.

Verdict: NOT


4.) Uma Thurman



I don't know if it was her seductive portrayal of Poison Ivy in Batman & Robin (1997), her badass murderous rampage in the Kill Bill films (bonus points for being the Black Mamba- the very nickname that Kobe Bryant stole), or her role as Ben Affleck's love interest in the very underrated film Paycheck (2003), but I'm an Uma Thurman fan.

She looks horrendous in the picture to the right above, but it's hard to argue with her long, slender frame.

Verdict: HOT


5.) Amy Adams



She's not drop-dead gorgeous by any means and I don't think she's really all that well known, but she's definitely a rising star in Hollywood.

I first noticed her potential when she played Frank Abagnale, Jr.'s (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) wife in Catch Me If You Can (2002). I then loved her in both Talladega Nights (2007) and Charlie Wilson's War (2007). She defintely took a step back (in terms of her attractiveness) when she played a nun in Doubt (2008), but that role got her a second Oscar nomination, so I can't knock her too much for it.

I'm not wild about red heads, but certain ones do it for me and Amy Adams is definitely one of them.

Verdict: HOT