Characters Welcome

It's that time of year, folks. If you are so inclined I'm sure that you've stumbled across a number of brackets on the internet in the past few weeks. There are plenty of good ones (I would recommend Deadspin's curse word bracket) and plenty of ill constructed ones. Hopefully my efforts fall somewhere in the middle. In year's past I've decided who the best Seinfeld character is, who the sexiest woman on the planet is, who the best current actor is, and which comedy of all time is the funniest.

This year I haven't veered too far away from those themes. I've decided to determine who the best character currently on television is. Obviously both the seeds and results are heavily influenced by my personal preferences and biases, but I did my best to add some objectivity to the process. Characters were boosted by Emmy Award nominations/wins as well as the popularity of the show that they are on. I've chosen characters from 40 shows (no, I don't watch them all) and 11 different stations. I should mention that I did not include animated characters (or else Peter Griffin would have won the whole thing) or characters from shows where one of the main characters is playing themselves (even if it's a fictionalized version- this excludes Louie, Curb Your Enthusiasm (assuming that there's going to be another season), Episodes, etc.). Feel free to let me know what you think of the bracket.


The Arthur Fonzarelli Region (top left)

1- Don Draper (Jon Hamm) in Mad Men (AMC)
16- Penny Hartz (Casey Wilson) in Happy Endings (ABC)

8- Andy Bernard (Ed Helms) in The Office (NBC)
9- Francis Underwood (Kevin Spacey) in House of Cards (Netflix)

5- Claire Dunphy (Julie Bowen) in Modern Family (ABC)
12- Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) in Breaking Bad (AMC)

4- Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) in Dexter (Showtime)
13- John Reese (Jim Caviezel) in Person of Interest (CBS)


3- Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Dowager Countess of Grantham in Downton Abbey (PBS)
14- Marshall Erickson (Jason Segal) in How I Met Your Mother (CBS)

6- Saul Berenson (Mandy Patinkin) in Homeland (Showtime)
11- Marty Kaan (Don Cheadle) in House of Lies (HBO)

7- Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) in Veep (HBO)
10- Will McAvoy (Jeff Daniels) in The Newsroom (HBO)

2- Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) in Two and a Half Men (CBS)
15- Ryan Hardy (Kevin Bacon) in The Following (FOX)


The Tony Soprano Region (bottom left)

1- Carrie Mathison (Clare Danes) in Homeland (Showtime)
16- Raj Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

8- Jackie Peyton (Edie Falco) in Nurse Jackie (HBO)
9- Hank Moody (David Duchovny)in Californication (Showtime)

5- Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) in Breaking Bad (AMC)
12- Officer Mike Biggs (Billy Gardell) in Mike and Molly (CBS)

4- Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson) in The Office (NBC)
13- Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) in Parks and Recreation (NBC)


3- Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) in Modern Family (ABC)
14- Fiona Gallagher (Emma Rossum) in Shameless (Showtime)

6- Molly Flynn (Melissa McCarthy) in Mike and Molly (CBS)
11- Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) in The Office (NBC)

7- U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) in Justified (FX)
10- Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) in Eastbound and Down (HBO)

2- Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) in Game of Thrones (HBO)
15- Roger Sterling (John Slattery) in Mad Men (AMC)


The George Costanza Region (top right)

1- Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
16- Stevie Janowski (Steve Little) in Eastbound and Down (HBO)

8- The Governor (David Morrisey) in The Walking Dead (AMC)
9- Brenda Leigh Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) in The Closer (TNT)

5- Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) in Park and Recreation (NBC)
12- Caroline Channing (Beth Behrs) in Two Broke Girls (CBS)

4- Jackson “Jax” Teller (Charlie Hunnam) in Sons of Anarchy (FX)
13- Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) in Scandal (ABC)


3- Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) in Mad Men (AMC)
14- Max Black (Kat Dennings) in Two Broke Girls (CBS)

6- Dr. Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey) in Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
11- Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) in How I Met Your Mother (CBS)

7- Gloria Pritchett (Sofia Vergara) in Modern Family (ABC)
10- Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi) in Community (NBC)

2- Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) in Homeland (Showtime)
15- Rafi (Jason Mantzoukas) in The League (FX)


The Jack Bauer Region (bottom right)

1- Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in Breaking Bad (AMC)
16- Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day) in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX)

8- Jess Day (Zooey Deschanel) in New Girl (FOX)
9- Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) in Weeds (Showtime)

5- Dr. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) in Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
12- Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) in Glee (FOX)

4- Hannah Horvarth (Lena Dunham) in Girls (HBO)
13- Howard Wolowitz (Simon Helberg) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS)


3- Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) in Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
14- Joan Harris (Christina Hendricks) in Mad Men (AMC)

6- Cam Tucker (Eric Stonestreet) in Modern Family (ABC)
11- Lesley Knope (Amy Poehler) in Parks and Recreation (NBC)

7- Robert Crawley (Hugh Bonneville), Earl of Grantham in Downton Abbey (PBS)
10- Schmidt (Max Greenfield) on New Girl (FOX)

2- Alicia Florrick (Julianna Margulies) in The Good Wife (CBS)
15- Adam Sackler (Adam Driver) in Girls (HBO)



First Round (Arthur Fonzarelli Region)

1- Don Draper (Jon Hamm) in Mad Men (AMC) over 16- Penny Hartz (Casey Wilson) in Happy Endings (ABC)- “People want to be told what to do so badly that they’ll listen to anyone.”

8- Andy Bernard (Ed Helms) in The Office (NBC) over 9- Francis Underwood (Kevin Spacey) in House of Cards (Netflix)- "I went to Cornell, ya ever heard of it? I graduated in 4 years, never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and... I sang in the a cappella group Here Comes Treble."

5- Claire Dunphy (Julie Bowen) in Modern Family (ABC) over 12- Hank Schrader (Dean Norris) in Breaking Bad (AMC)- I’m amazed by how much better Julie Bowen looks now (in a role where she’s supposed to look like a typical suburban mom) as compared to her role in Happy Gilmore (where she was the romantic interest).

4- Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) in Dexter (Showtime) over 13- John Reese (Jim Caviezel) in Person of Interest (CBS)- Dexter is ruthless. “I’ve watched 67 people die and at the moment of truth I looked into their eyes and I knew–and they knew–they got what they deserved.”


14- Marshall Erickson (Jason Segal) in How I Met Your Mother (CBS) over 3- Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Dowager Countess of Grantham in Downton Abbey (PBS)- “Lawyered!”

6- Saul Berenson (Mandy Patinkin) in Homeland (Showtime) over 11- Marty Kaan (Don Cheadle) in House of Lies (HBO)- “So you're a religious man and a torturer. What are you, Catholic?”

7- Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) in Veep (HBO) over 10- Will McAvoy (Jeff Daniels) in The Newsroom (HBO)- McAvoy has a few solid rants (he does have Aaron Sorkin providing his lines), but the Veep is too funny to lose to a pretentious newsman.

2- Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) in Two and a Half Men (CBS) over 15- Ryan Hardy (Kevin Bacon) in The Following (FOX)- Kevin Bacon can act circles around Cryer, but Alan Harper is by farrr the more well known television character.

Second Round

1- Don Draper (Jon Hamm) in Mad Men (AMC) over Andy Bernard (Ed Helms) in The Office (NBC)- “People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be.”

5- Claire Dunphy (Julie Bowen) in Modern Family (ABC) over 4- Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall) in Dexter (Showtime)- Dexter’s “Dark Passenger” is pretty lame. Plus, Claire keeps racking up Emmys.

6- Saul Berenson (Mandy Patinkin) in Homeland (Showtime) over 14- Marshall Erickson (Jason Segal) in How I Met Your Mother (CBS)- “Quinn: Where have you been? You look wasted. Saul: I'm just old."

2- Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) in Two and a Half Men (CBS) over 7- Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) in Veep (HBO)- Sorry Selina. The president still hasn’t called.

Regional Semi-Finals

1- Don Draper (Jon Hamm) in Mad Men (AMC) over Clare Dunphy (Julie Bowen) in Modern Family (ABC)- “Nostalgia- it’s delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, ‘nostalgia’ literally means ‘the pain from an old wound.’ This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards…it takes us to a place we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels- around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.”

6- Saul Berenson (Mandy Patinkin) in Homeland (Showtime) over 2- Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) in Two and a Half Men (CBS)- “Is your name Saul Berenson? Yes. Are you sometimes called “The Bear”? I fucking hope not.”

Regional Finals

1- Don Draper (Jon Hamm) in Mad Men (AMC) over 6- Saul Berenson (Mandy Patinkin) in Homeland (Showtime)- “You’re happy with fifty percent? You’re on top and you don’t have enough. You’re happy because you’re successful, for now. But what is happiness, it’s a moment before you need more happiness. I won’t settle for fifty percent of anything. I want one hundred percent.”




First Round (Tony Soprano Region)

1- Carrie Mathison (Clare Danes) in Homeland (Showtime) over 16- Raj Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS)- Without any alcohol Raj doesn’t stand a chance.

9- Hank Moody (David Duchovny)in Californication (Showtime) over 8- Jackie Peyton (Edie Falco) in Nurse Jackie (HBO)- The author of “God Hates Us All” is the master of vicious, blunt, and honest dialogue. Case in point, “I probably won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. While I'm down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I'm not talking about a huge 70's playboy bush or anything, just something that reminds me I'm performing cunnalingus on an adult.”

5- Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 12- Officer Mike Biggs (Billy Gardell) in Mike and Molly (CBS)- He’s a blowfish and nobody messes with him.

4- Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson) in The Office (NBC) over 13- Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) in Parks and Recreation (NBC)- Tom goes down quicker than his Entertainment 720 venture.


3- Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) in Modern Family (ABC) over 14- Fiona Gallagher (Emma Rossum) in Shameless (Showtime)- Phil’s insistence on being BFF’s with Dylan might have been the funniest thing on television for a while.

6- Molly Flynn (Melissa McCarthy) in Mike and Molly (CBS) over 11- Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) in The Office (NBC)- She’s arguably the funniest female actress going right now (especially with 30 Rock being over and Kristen Wiig gone from SNL).

10- Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) in Eastbound and Down (HBO) over 7- U.S. Marshall Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) in Justified (FX)- “You’re out. I’m fucking in.”

2- Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) in Game of Thrones (HBO) over 15- Roger Sterling (John Slattery) in Mad Men (AMC)- “Don't fight for a king. Don't fight for his kingdoms. Don't fight for honor, don't fight for glory, don't fight for riches, because you won't get any. This is your city Stannis means to sack. That's your gate he's ramming. If he gets in it will be your house that burns. Your gold he steals, your women he rapes. Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!”

Second Round

1- Carrie Mathison (Clare Danes) in Homeland (Showtime) over 9- Hank Moody (David Duchovny)in Californication (Showtime)- Get the weed and whiskey and start playing the Warren Zevon because Moody is done.

5- Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 4- Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson) in The Office (NBC)- Four years ago and this was a blowout. Today it still is, just in the other direction.

3- Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) in Modern Family (ABC) over 6- Molly Flynn (Melissa McCarthy) in Mike and Molly (CBS)- “Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable. To those voters I would say...wait till she reads this.”

2- Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) in Game of Thrones (HBO) over 10- Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) in Eastbound and Down (HBO)- “It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on its head.”

Regional Semi-Finals

5- Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 1- Carrie Mathison (Clare Danes) in Homeland (Showtime)- “The game has changed, yo. This is our city, alright? All of it. The whole damn place. Our territory. We're staking our claim. Yo, we sell when we want, where we want. We're gonna be kings, understand? Well, I'm gonna be king and you guys will be, like, princes or dukes or something.”

3- Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) in Modern Family (ABC) over 2- Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) in Game of Thrones (HBO)- “Claire’s a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing, like when it comes to picking a husband.”

Regional Finals

3- Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) in Modern Family (ABC) over 5- Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) in Breaking Bad (AMC)- Alex Dunphy: I can't believe it. I got a "B" on my paper.
Phil Dunphy: Good for you.
Claire Dunphy: Yeah.
Alex Dunphy: No, it would be good for you. It's terrible for me. Thanks to your moldy encyclopedias, my take on mitosis was completely out of date. They don't even call it "protoplasm" anymore. It's "cytoplasm".
Claire Dunphy: Well, you could have asked one of us.
Alex Dunphy: Now you're making jokes?
Claire Dunphy: I'm not making a joke.
Alex Dunphy: Really? What's the difference between a gamete and a zygote?
Phil Dunphy: Don't fall for it, Claire. She's just making up words.




First Round (George Costanza Region)

1- Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS) over 16- Stevie Janowski (Steve Little) in Eastbound and Down (HBO)- Stevie might be the most underrated comedic character in television history, but Sheldon has won multiple Emmys.

8- The Governor (David Morrisey) in The Walking Dead (AMC) over 9- Brenda Leigh Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) in The Closer (TNT)- Mrs. Kevin Bacon can’t close the deal against The Governor.

5- Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) in Park and Recreation (NBC) over 12- Caroline Channing (Beth Behrs) in Two Broke Girls (CBS)- Caroline represents everything that Ron hates in the world. “The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

4- Jackson “Jax” Teller (Charlie Hunnam) in Sons of Anarchy (FX) over 13- Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) in Scandal (ABC)- She’s hot, but he looks about as bad ass as possible.


3- Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) in Mad Men (AMC) over 14- Max Black (Kat Dennings) in Two Broke Girls (CBS)- Don’s disciple made it in a man’s world. She didn’t settle for a female profession like waitress.

11- Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) in How I Met Your Mother (CBS) over 6- Dr. Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey) in Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)- Not only is Barney a better character than McDreamy, but NPH played a better doctor (Doogie Howser).

10- Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi) in Community (NBC) over 7- Gloria Pritchett (Sofia Vergara) in Modern Family (ABC)- “Cool, cool.”

2- Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) in Homeland (Showtime) over 15- Rafi (Jason Mantzoukas) in The League (FX)- I’m blown away when a Brit pulls off an American accent so seamlessly.

Second Round

1- Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS) over 8- The Governor (David Morrisey) in The Walking Dead (AMC)- Sheldon Cooper, for those that don’t know, is a physicist with no social skills. His insistence on using logic and rational thought leads to mildly humorous lines/situations. For example, "That's a false equivalency. More does not equal merry. If there were two thousand people in this apartment right now, would be we celebrating? No! We'd be suffocating!"

5- Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) in Park and Recreation (NBC) over 4- Jackson “Jax” Teller (Charlie Hunnam) in Sons of Anarchy (FX)- “I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It’s a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God’s way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”

3- Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) in Mad Men (AMC) over 11- Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) in How I Met Your Mother (CBS)- “You always say, if you don't like what they're saying about you, change the conversation.”

2- Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) in Homeland (Showtime) over 10- Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi) in Community (NBC)- Brody would dispose of Abed quicker than he did the tailor from Gettysburg.

Regional Semi-Finals

1- Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS) over 5- Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) in Park and Recreation (NBC)- “Leonard: Come on, Sheldon. It will be fun. Sheldon: That's what you said about the Green Lantern movie. You were 114 minutes of wrong.” This pick is equally wrong. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to go with Ron here, but The Big Bang Theory is the most watched show on television.

2- Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) in Homeland (Showtime) over 3- Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) in Mad Men (AMC)- They both play the #2 roles on their respective shows and after Season One Brody (Lewis) had an Emmy. Olson (Moss) has been nominated three times, but has come away empty handed each time.

Regional Finals

2- Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) in Homeland (Showtime) over 1- Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS)- “My name is Nicholas Brody and I'm a Sergeant in the United States Marine Corps. I have a wife, and two kids, who I love. By the time you watch this, you'll have read a lot of things about me, about what I've done, and so I wanted to explain myself, so that you'll know the truth.”





First Round (Jack Bauer Region)

1- Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 16- Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day) in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX)- “This is the first day of the rest of your life, but what kind of life will it be, huh? Will it be a life of fear, of "Oh, no no no I can't do this"? Of never once believing in yourself?”

9- Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) in Weeds (Showtime) over 8- Jess Day (Zooey Deschanel) in New Girl (FOX)- Botwin’s more resourceful than the ditzy Jess.

12- Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) in Glee (FOX) over 5- Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) in Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)- ''I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.'

4- Hannah Horvarth (Lena Dunham) in Girls (HBO) over 13- Howard Wolowitz (Simon Helberg) in The Big Bang Theory (CBS)- “Do you know that part on your resume where they ask if you have any special skills? Well, it's the thing where they ask you to list like, 'yoga, Spanish, water skiing, Photoshop.' I feel like I don’t I have any special skills.”


3- Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) in Boardwalk Empire (HBO) over 14- Joan Harris (Christina Hendricks) in Mad Men (AMC)- Call me crazy, but I think Christina Hendricks is over rated. Curvy? Absolutely. A good actress? Sure. Stunningly beautiful? Nope.

6- Cam Tucker (Eric Stonestreet) in Modern Family (ABC) over 11- Lesley Knope (Amy Poehler) in Parks and Recreation (NBC)- Perhaps the only one in the field that can out color coordinate Lesley is Cam.

10- Schmidt (Max Greenfield) on New Girl (FOX) over 7- Robert Crawley (Hugh Bonneville), Earl of Grantham in Downton Abbey (PBS)- "I found this place on 3rd Street where you can design your own perfume: Base notes of cocoa because of your brown...ness, sea salt because it kind of sounds like 'Cece,' and sandalwood -- Sandalwood, always up to no good!"

2- Alicia Florrick (Julianna Margulies) in The Good Wife (CBS) over 15- Adam Sackler (Adam Driver) in Girls (HBO)- “People aren't mean. They're just polite liars.”

Second Round

1- Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 9- Nancy Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) in Weeds (Showtime)- An interesting duel of characters who do the same thing (sell drugs to make a living). Breaking Bad essentially took the Weeds concept and made it 3843748439 times better.

4- Hannah Horvarth (Lena Dunham) in Girls (HBO) over 12- Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) in Glee (FOX)- “I hate everyone who loves me.”

6- Cam Tucker (Eric Stonestreet) in Modern Family (ABC) over 3- Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) in Boardwalk Empire (HBO)- Nucky is Boardwalk Empire, but Cam is one of the true scene stealers on television.

2- Alicia Florrick (Julianna Margulies) in The Good Wife (CBS) over 10- Schmidt (Max Greenfield) on New Girl (FOX)- I love Schmidt, but he couldn’t handle a powerful woman like Alicia. “Stephanie: There seems to be a whole subdivision of erotica devoted to devoted wives.
Alicia: Good to know.
Stephanie: I hope you're not offended. Men masturbate when they think of you. It's almost an honor when you think of it.
Alicia: No, even when I think of it, it's not an honor.”

Regional Semi-Finals

1- Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 4- Hannah Horvarth (Lena Dunham) in Girls (HBO)- WW advances simply based on his ability to rock the Heisenberg hat.

2- Alicia Florrick (Julianna Margulies) in The Good Wife (CBS) over 6- Cam Tucker (Eric Stonestreet) in Modern Family (ABC)- “Owen: He's two-faced.
Alicia: Everyone's two-faced.
Owen: You're not.
Alicia: Yes, I am. Owen: Then you've changed.
Alicia: No. Issues got more complex, and I grew up.”

Regional Finals

1- Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 2- Alicia Florrick (Julianna Margulies) in The Good Wife (CBS)- “Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger! A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!”




Final Four

3- Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) in Modern Family (ABC) over 1- Don Draper (Jon Hamm) in Mad Men (AMC)- “Ordinarily I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium? That's when I get a little... nuts. It's a free country right? Let's just say it Ruffles me when some Goobers tell me I have to spend my half my PayDay on their hot dogs.”

1- Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in Breaking Bad (AMC) over 2- Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) in Homeland (Showtime)- “You asked me if I was in the meth business or the money business. Neither. I’m in the empire business.”


Finals

3- Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) in Modern Family (ABC) over 1- Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in Breaking Bad (AMC)- “I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condolezza Rice, Serena Williams... wait a minute.”

TV Timeout

Not only is football back in full swing, but so too is the fall TV season. Many of our favorite shows have unveiled their season premieres in the past week (The Emmy’s were also on Sunday) and most people can’t keep their thoughts to themselves, so I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of Facebook posts about them. Rather than annoy you with meaningless drivel in the minutes after a show airs (Who watches shows live anymore anyway? It’s called a DVR people) I’ve instead chosen to simply list my current Top 10 favorites. Not all of these shows are currently airing new episodes, but, in my opinion, they are the best of the best.

Before all of you clowns that watch 6 hours of singing competitions on a weekly basis freak out I should tell you that I did not consider reality television shows (If I did The Challenge would definitely be in the mix). In order to make my list the show not only needed to be scripted out by very talented writers, but also acted out by real life actors (my apologies to Family Guy, South Park, etc.). I also didn’t include late night shows, political programs, or hybrids of the two (my apologies to The Daily Show, Colbert Report, etc.)


10.) Episodes (Showtime)- I’m probably the only person in America that watches this show about a British couple who move to the United States to write a television show that stars Matt LeBlanc as a hockey coach. Trust me when I tell you that the dialogue is filled with sharp, biting intelligent humor. It’s honestly one of the best written shows on television and I crack up every time I watch this show, but I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone.

9.) How I Met Your Mother (CBS)- This used to be a top 3 show for me, but it’s fallen off considerably in my opinion. Episodes are very hit or miss nowadays. In fact, here’s my buddy Frank’s CNN.Com recap (please click the link) of the season premiere.

"After watching the season premiere of "How I Met Your Mother" on Monday, I realized that I'll most likely find the mother of my future children before Ted Mosby does (Vegas actually has me going off at 4-to-2 odds).

Then again, all I have to deal with is fate, chemistry, luck, mathematical probability and guys who have great abs, like Robin's new boyfriend.

Ted, on the other hand, has to deal with a show that refuses to get to the point.

Monday's season premiere, "Farhampton," picked up right where we left off - sort of. At first, everything happened in the future ... and then in the past ... and then in the future again? Honestly, I don't know. I get confused watching "Survivor."

But what I do know is that we were once again given an episode with a lot of interesting plot points that - thanks to "HIMYM" being its own spoiler alert - didn't go anywhere.

Going through last season's greatest "possibly-The-Mother" hits of Victoria, The Slutty Pumpkin, Robin and somehow Victoria again was at times as burdensome as actually talking to one's own mother (just kidding Ma, love you!). I mean, sure, it served the show's ultimate purpose, but it overshadowed some of the other intriguing occurrences.

For example, the plotline of Marshall and Lily having a baby (also known as a "greatest middle name of all time" nominee, Marvin "Waitforit" Erickson) and Barney getting engaged were all just footnotes in the search to get to The Mother of all "HIMYM" answers.

And now, at the start of a fresh season, we get an episode with more footnotes:

"Lily and Marshall are soooo tired that they're basically under-the-sea zombies! Hilarious, right?" [Don't care, get to the Mother.]

"How about Ted sitting at a train station in the future where we see a woman with a yellow umbrella who could maybe, possibly be the Mother?" [Blank stare.]

See what I mean?

The explanation Victoria's runaway groom, Klaus, gave to Ted on how Victoria is "almost the thing you want but not quite" was fitting. It was a great moment, but it's also pretty much what "HIMYM" is right now. It's "almost the thing you want but not quite."

Yet, I still hold hope that we'll find that "lifelong treasure of destiny" sooner rather than later.

8.) 30 Rock (NBC)- The best way to describe 30 Rock is occasionally wacky, but always incredibly witty. Despite having what I think is a very good memory I struggle to remember many lines as I’m walking out of a movie theater, but the writing in 30 Rock is so impressive that I routinely remember plenty of lines from each episode. Alec Baldwin, a notorious liberal, playing an uber conservative in Jack Donaghy is almost as impressive as Neil Patrick Harris, a homosexual, playing a womanizer in Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.

7.) Dexter (Showtime)- I could do without the inner monologues about “The Dark Passenger” and the visions of his dead father, but the show is still an absolute thrill to watch. There’s a new villain every season and even though you know that Dexter will end up killing him/her, it’s a 12 week suspense filled journey with twists and turns that you never expect. This villain per season formula makes it incredibly easy to distinguish specific episodes, plot lines, etc.

6.) Veep (HBO)- A situational comedy set in the second highest political office in the country? Yes, please. I almost watched all 8 episodes of Veep in one sitting (despite what you may think, I don’t have that much free time). Julia Louis-Dreyfus is incredible and the Emmy she won the other night was very well deserved. I can’t think of another actor/actress who has become synonymous with a character that they’ve played that has been able to have such success in a future endeavor. As great as she is on the show, Tony Hale (formerly Buster Bluthe in Arrested Development) might be even better.

5.) Breaking Bad (AMC)- What’s impressive about Breaking Bad is that it started as this semi-realistic story about a high school chemistry who starts cooking meth to pay for his cancer treatment, but things escalated very quickly and the show hasn’t lost any of its luster. Some plot lines are so ridiculous nowadays (the train episode), but they still have you on the edge of your seat. I also hate over 50% of the characters on the show, but I’m still hooked.

4.) Homeland (Showtime)- All you really need to know is that it swept the 3 biggest awards at the Emmy’s on Sunday Night (Best Drama Series, Best Actor/Actress in a Drama Series). Homeland is about a bipolar CIA agent who has a hunch about a military war hero. If you liked 24 you’ll love Homeland. There’s a lot of interrogations, theories, escaping from impossible situations, and the usual plot twists and episode ending cliff hangers.

3.) Modern Family (ABC)- I don’t think anything will ever live up to the first season, which is an incredible re-watch, but Modern Family continues to churn out laugh out loud moments week after week. I could do without their insistence on projecting a heartfelt family moral message at the end of every episode (this isn’t Full House), but the characters are about as indelible as they get. Phil, Manny, Cam, and Dylan (in that order) are simply hysterical.

2.) Mad Men (AMC)- I’ve written about Mad Men a lot in the past and even though this most recent season wasn’t one of the best the show is still amazing. I hate time period pieces. Give me a show/movie about the present day over a time period piece (past or future) any day of the week, but Mad Men is different. For starters, it gives kids our age a glimpse into the world that our parents grew up in. If that doesn’t at least mildly intrigue you than I can’t help you. The show is serious in that it deals with real world problems (or at least the major issues of the day in the 60’s) and isn’t looking for any laughs. It’s a drama in the best connotation of the word. It’s also smart and beautifully written. Some people find the show slow and boring, but they’re also the ones going to the movie theater to see Abraham Lincoln slay vampires and Kevin James as an MMA fighter.

1.) Parks and Recreation (NBC)- A comedy about a small (fictional) town government bureaucracy that continues to get funnier year after year. It used to be the only Thursday night comedy on NBC that I didn’t watch and now it’s my favorite show on television.

Here’s what Grantland’s Andy Greenwald had to say after last week’s season premiere:

“In programming, recapping, and basic automotive care, the squeaky wheel always gets the most attention. This is a shame, particularly so in the case of Parks and Recreation, the smoothest-running comedy on television. While all of its neighbors are lassoing headlines for being badly rated, badly in need of euthanasia, or merely being bad, Parks is in the midst of a nearly unprecedented run of excellence. Real talk: Since figuring itself out in its second season, Parks has strung together dozens of episodes of such high quality and remarkable consistency that it hearkens back to the golden age of NBC’s Thursday nights.”

Here’s a sample of a fantastic Q&A with head writer Michael Schur done by GQ:

"GQ: We were talking earlier about making sure your show has a beating heart underneath, that the characters all love each other. Do you ever have a problem where you pull back too far? Where you're like, "This is too nice. I need these people to fight a little bit more." How hard is it to find that line?

Mike Schur: Well, it is very hard, and there's no comedy without conflict. That's one of the most basic truisms of comedy. The way our show has chosen to find that conflict is often by external threats—in other words, the core group of people are usually on the same team, and they're dealing with outside opposition. So instead of doing a bunch of stories where Tom and April hate each other, we do a story where April is running a pet adoption, and she hates the people who are not adopting the pets because she sunk a lot of work into the pet adoption and no one is showing up, and she gets really angry at the town, and then Tom shows up at her house and says, "Hey, you worked really hard, and that one little girl who adopted a puppy is really happy, and you should be happy about that."

Now, occasionally, for obvious reasons, you have to have your main characters in opposition to each other. Otherwise it gets really boring. I mean, Ron and Leslie, for example, have completely opposing worldviews. Ron is like a 19th-century libertarian who thinks that everyone should leave everyone else alone in all matters, and the government should be one guy sitting in a room, and his only power is he gets to decide who to nuke. That's his idea of perfect government. And obviously Leslie is an incredibly progressive person who believes that the government is the very fabric of a society and that it can do all these amazing things to help its citizens. So they come into conflict all the time, and we try to show in that relationship that as friends, as humans, they have a great deal of respect for each other, and they see the best in each other. Ron admires Leslie's work ethic, and Leslie admires Ron's integrity, so that even when they're fighting, you know that they still care about each other. There are ways to create conflict that aren't just, "These two people hate each other for this 30-minute show."

Week 4 NFL Picks

Browns +12 at Ravens
Patriots -4 at Bills
Vikings pick ‘em at Lions
at Falcons -7.5 vs. Panthers
49ers -4 at Jets
at Chiefs pick ‘em vs. Chargers
Titans +12 at Texans
at Rams +3 vs. Seahawks
at Cardinals -6.5 vs. Dolphins
at Broncos -6.5 vs. Raiders
at Jaguars +2.5 vs. Bengals
at Packers -7.5 vs. Saints
Redskins +3 at Bucs
Giants +2 at Eagles
Bears +3.5 at Cowboys

Last week- 6-9-1
Season- 21-25-2

Best of the Year

On one of the blogs I read/browse almost daily, Pop Candy, USA Today's Whitney Matheson writes a post every Friday where she recaps her favorite items of popular culture from that particular week. Her favorite tv show, movie, book, song/album, etc. It's almost like a serious version of VH1's Best Week Ever (is that show still on the air?). I could probably pull off writing a similar post every Friday, but I don't think I'd be able to include the favorite book portion because sometimes it takes me over a month to read a book and sometimes I am not reading a book at all. Obviously she can, though, because it's her job. I get that.

On a related note, I don't know how many of you watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, but you should. Either way, he has 4 guests on his show each week (M-Th) and more often than not they are promoting a book. I don't know how, but I'm pretty sure that he reads all of them before the authors appear on his show. I'm half baffled half amazed at how he pulls this off. Back in my hey day (2nd grade) I could read faster than just about everyone in my grade, but now I'm starting to think that I'm a slow reader.

Well if I can't pull off this post on a weekly basis I sure as hell can make it work for the year. The only difference that I foresee in utilizing this concept for the year is that Whitney gets to comment on specific tv episodes whereas I think I have to consider entire series'.

And now without further ado...

Favorite movie that I saw- Inception



Now granted I have yet to see Black Swan, The King's Speech, and The Fighter, but Inception was one of the few, if not the only, "drop what you're doing right now and head to the closest movie theater" movies of the year. Director Christopher Nolan is quickly becoming a rockstar in the movie industry because of his ability to churn out action/adventure films that have ridiculous special effects as well as highly developed characters. Now as great as the special effects in Inception were, and they were great, it was the plot that really drove the movie. The story was constantly intriguing, even months after you left the theater (did the top stop spinning? was it all just a dream?), and the storyline (excuse the pun) had so many layers. The best part about this was that even if you were confused about how some of the things in the film transpired you could still follow the general story arc. In that aspect this film was truly remarkable. It was accessible and easy to understand while at the same time multi-dimensional and unclear.

I can't believe I've gone this far and haven't mentioned the amazing cast. You all know that I have a man crush on Leonardo DiCaprio (and really, who doesn't?), but this film also showcased two up and coming stars in the film industry. Both Josh Gordon-Levitt and Ellen Page have really come into their own as actors that can handle mutliple roles and this film was further evidence of that. Last, and certainly not least, Inception lived up to the hype. I didn't see it until about a month and a half after it was released and in that time I heard nothing but rave reviews. My friends told me that it was a must see, that it was Oscar worthy, etc., etc. Needless to say by the time I entered the theater I had high hopes for this film. Normally when I have these sort of lofty expectations the film in question doesn't come close to meeting them, but Inception certainly did.

I also enjoyed- The Town, The Social Network, and Hot Tub Time Machine


Favorite song that I heard- As mentioned in my previous post, I've sort of fallen out of touch with the music industry. I rarely listen to the radio (outside of sports talk), haven't been to a concert in years, and only bought 2-3 CDs in the past calendar year. Due to my sudden lack of knowledge in this area, here are two different top 10 lists of the year that will serve as my guide as I make my decision.

Billboard Top 10 of 2010

1.) Ke$ha- Tik ToK
2.) Lady Antebellum- Need You Now
3.) Train- Hey, Soul Sister
4.) Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg- California Gurls
5.) Usher featuring will.i.am- OMG
6.) B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams- Airplanes
7.) Eminem featuring Rihanna- Love The Way You Lie
8.) Lady Gaga- Bad Romance
9.) Taio Cruz- Dynamite
10.) Taio Cruz featuring Ludacris- Break Your Heart

I've actually heard all of these, which I guess means that I'm not totally out of touch. FYI- Bad Romance was released in 2009, but it remained on the Billboard charts well into 2010.

Rolling Stone's Top 10 Singles of the Year

1.) Kanye West featuring Pusha T- Runaway
2.) Cee Lo Green- Fuck You
3.) Sade- Soldier of Love
4.) Katy Perry- Teenage Dream
5.) Arcade Fire- We Used to Wait
6.) Mavis Staples- You Are Not Alone
7.) Vampire Weekend- White Sky
8.) Janelle Monae featuring Big Boi- Tightrope
9.) Broken Bells- The Ghost Inside
10.) Kanye West featuring Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj, and Bon Iver- Monster

I've now heard all of these songs, but I had only heard four of them beforehand. This list is obviously much different than the Billboard list because the Billboard list was strictly based on popularity whereas this list had a multitude of factors.

For my song of the year I'm going to go with Arcade Fire's "We Used to Wait"
I also enjoyed- Eminem featuring Rihanna- Love The Way You Lie, Sugarland- Stuck Like Glue (my favorite country song of the year), Usher featuring Pitbull- DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love, Vampire Weekend- Giving Up The Gun, Selena Gomez and The Scene- Naturally, and not that I'm a huge fan, but I feel like it needs to be mentioned- Cali Swag District- Teach Me How to Dougie.


Favorite book that I read- The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin



I wrote about this book back in March and for the sake of being lazy and for not including a link that none of you will click on (I'm new to the smartphone game and I now totally understand why links don't get clicked on) I will just copy and paste my words right here.

From my March 29th post titled, "Enter Sandman":

"As I've mentioned time and time again on various platforms, it was the first time since August of 2000 that I had read a book written by a female author ("Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"). I'm a little disappointed that I didn't make it a full decade, but "The Happiness Project" was well worth the read. The novel falls into the recently dubbed genre of stunt non-fiction. Stunt non-fiction is when the author does something for an extended period of time (usually a year) with the intention of writing a book about the experience. In the case of "The Happiness Project", Rubin dedicated a year to becoming a happier person. She called it, "My year-long quest to be happier by changing my life-without changing my life."

In the book Rubin highlighted specific areas of her life that she wanted to improve. Each month she attempted a handful of stategies in the hopes of improving her happiness with regards to one of these areas (her energy, marriage, work, parenthood, friendships, etc.). Naturally some of these strategies worked and some of them completely backfired. For example, in her attempt to boost her energy she decided to go to sleep earlier, excercise better, remove the clutter from her life, write and complete an extensive to do list including all of the nagging tasks that people consistently put off, and simply to act more energetic. Overall the book provides the reader with ample suggestions on how to become a happier person even if they already consider themselves to be happy."

If you feel like you've fallen into a routine and you don't necessarily have any major problems with it, but you want to feel that renewed sense of life again, read this book.

I also enjoyed- Eating A Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman, How Soccer Explains the World by Franklin Foer, and A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity by Bill O'Reilly. Also, I feel like I need to mention The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini even though I read it in 2009 because I don't write about books too ofent. This is an amazing story about friendship, loyaltly, and redemption and just as a warning, it's a tear jerker.


My favorite tv show that I watched- I usually don't like going with the clear cut favorite, but how can I not pick Mad Men? When a show's dialogue prompts me to stop my DVR player to write down a handful of lines throughout the season you know the show is fantastic. Just like I've previously written about my favorite book I've also written about my favorite tv show.

From my October 21st post titled, "All Aboard":

"Let me be blunt. If you don't watch Mad Men, you're crazy. It's without a doubt the best drama on television (back to back Emmy wins). The Season 4 finale aired this past Sunday and although there was no "they tied up all the loose ends" closure-like feel or textbook cliffhanger going into next year's Season 5, I am more than satisfied. It was a very complete season. Perhaps the show's best since Season 1.

Here's a few reasons why you should Netflix (has Blockbuster gone bankrupt yet?) Seasons 1-3 and anxiously await Season 4's release.

1.) In case you're not aware (and it's almost impossible for you not to be), Mad Men is set in New York in the 1960's. The name of the show is a reference to the occupation of the characters. They work in the golden age of advertising on Madison avenue. Now this is all fine, but why should you care? Well, because the historical context of the show gives us twentysomethings a look at the world that our parents grew up in. The stories and situations offer a fleeting glance as to how they were raised, shaped, and molded. If you aren't at least mildly intrigued in discovering clues at to why your parents and grandparents are the way that they are then maybe Mad Men isn't for you.

2.) Men and women alike can enjoy the show because they will no doubt be able to resonate with one of the characters.

For men- Don Draper, the show's protaganist, is an alpha male. Women want him and men want to be him. He drinks all day (literally), sleeps with whoever he wants, and still crushes it in the boardroom. He is a creative genius who understands people better than they understand themselves. For his many strong, useful attributes, he is also very flawed. The drinking is just the half of it. He also has a dark past that haunts him constantly.

For women- There is a strong female character in secretary turned copywriter Peggy Olsen. She is a young, motivated woman trying to make it in a man's world. Her struggle for acceptance in the world of advertising is symbolic of the women's rights movement. You know, Rosie the Riveter, Betty Friedan, and all that mumbo jumbo.

In fact, Don and Peggy have the best male/female (platonic) relationship on television. It's part father/daughter, part creative counsel, part genuine friends, part reflection of self, and part teacher/pupil.

3.) Granted I'm probably more of a deep thinker than most, but this is the only show that has made me actually pick up a pen and paper to write down some of the dialogue (this started during Season 4). Some lines are just that well put and thought provoking.

"Is that what you want? or is that what people expect of you?"

"Since when is forgiveness a better quality than loyalty?"

"People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be."

"When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him."

"You always say, "If you don't like what they're saying about you change the conversation."

"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. That's the best part, right? I've got the rest of my life ahead of me. And so do you."

"There is no fresh start. Lives carry on."

I also enjoyed: Modern Family, 30 Rock, The Bachelorette, The Bachelor Pad, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, The Challenge: Cut Throat, and I'm currently loving Top Chef: All-Stars.

All Aboard

Let me be blunt. If you don't watch Mad Men, you're crazy. It's without a doubt the best drama on television (back to back Emmy wins). The Season 4 finale aired this past Sunday and although there was no "they tied up all the loose ends" closure-like feel or textbook cliffhanger going into next year's Season 5, I am more than satisfied. It was a very complete season. Perhaps the show's best since Season 1.

For fans of the show, here is an introspective interview about Season 4 with the show's creator Matthew Weiner.

Again, for those of you that haven't had hopped on board the Mad Men Express, you're crazy.

Here's a few reasons why you should Netflix (has Blockbuster gone bankrupt yet?) Seasons 1-3 and anxiously await Season 4's release.

1.) In case you're not aware (and it's almost impossible for you not to be), Mad Men is set in New York in the 1960's. The name of the show is a reference to the occupation of the characters. They work in the golden age of advertising on Madison avenue. Now this is all fine, but why should you care? Well, because the historical context of the show gives us twentysomethings a look at the world that our parents grew up in. The stories and situations offer a fleeting glance as to how they were raised, shaped, and molded. If you aren't at least mildly intrigued in discovering clues at to why your parents and grandparents are the way that they are then maybe Mad Men isn't for you.

2.) Men and women alike can enjoy the show because they will no doubt be able to resonate with one of the characters.

For men- Don Draper, the show's protaganist, is an alpha male. Women want him and men want to be him. He drinks all day (literally), sleeps with whoever he wants, and still crushes it in the boardroom. He is a creative genius who understands people better than they understand themselves. For his many strong, useful attributes, he is also very flawed. The drinking is just the half of it. He also has a dark past that haunts him constantly.

For women- There is a strong female character in secretary turned copywriter Peggy Olsen. She is a young, motivated woman trying to make it in a man's world. Her struggle for acceptance in the world of advertising is symbolic of the women's rights movement. You know, Rosie the Riveter, Betty Friedan, and all that mumbo jumbo.



In fact, Don and Peggy have the best male/female (platonic) relationship on television. It's part father/daughter, part creative counsel, part genuine friends, part reflection of self, and part teacher/pupil.

3.) Granted I'm probably more of a deep thinker than most, but this is the only show that has made me actually pick up a pen and paper to write down some of the dialogue (this started during Season 4). Some lines are just that well put and thought provoking.

For instance, perhaps the most seminal line from the show occured in the Season 3 finale (Spoiler alert) in an exchange between Don and Peggy.

(Peggy's apartment)

Don: I've taken you for granted and I've been hard on you, but only because I see you as an extension of myself. And you're not.

Peggy: Well thank you for stopping by.

Don: Do you know why I don't want to work for McCann?

Peggy: Because you can't work for anyone else.

Don: No. Because there are people out there who buy things, people like you and me. And something happened. Something terrible. And the way that they saw themselves is gone. And nobody understands that. But you do. And that's very valuable.

Peggy: Is it?

Don: With you or without you, I'm moving on. And I don't know if I can do it alone. Will you help me?

Peggy: What if I say no? You'll never speak to me again.

Don: No, I will spend the rest of my life trying to hire you.


Lines from Season 4 that I wrote down:
"Is that what you want? or is that what people expect of you?"

"Since when is forgiveness a better quality than loyalty?"

"People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be."

"When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him."

"You always say, "If you don't like what they're saying about you change the conversation."

"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. That's the best part, right? I've got the rest of my life ahead of me. And so do you."

"There is no fresh start. Lives carry on."

Poetry In Motion

A few "weekends" ago (Tuesday-Wednesday for those keeping track at home) I made my way back to the city of hopes and dreams. As always, my time there went by too quick, but it was very comforting. I don't get to spend enough time in the city where I grew up, but I know that my experiences there are always with me. That might seem a little too sappy for the first paragraph, but bear with me. In fact, I partially stole that line from a recent Mad Men episode. If you don't watch the show, you should start, because you get lines like, "When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him," on a regular basis.

Anyway, whenever I'm home I find myself reading a poem that my sister Maura wrote because it's posted on a cabinet in the kitchen. I'm not sure if she wrote it as part of a class or just of her own volition or if she followed some sort of structure or just wrote free verse, but it speaks to me everytime I read it.

I am from the side hall bench
Pass down cleats two sizes too big
I am from three stolen bikes and sidewalk chalk
Pine cone wars and the three-legged dog that could run faster than my brothers
I am from cops and robbers with the neighborhood kids
Salem Hyde Park and Sedgwick Farm

I am from watermelon and magic markers
From GI Joes and hairless Barbies
I am from Clifton Place and Brattle Road
I call On The Rocks my home too
Cook Ave block parties is where I grew

I am from lost glasses and blame it on Kackie
One of the three dudettes and young Uncle Tim
Marie and Irene and all in-between
From, “Stop it Danny!” to “Say CHEESE!”
To “That’s a dollar” and “Find me my keys!”

I am from the love of high school sweethearts
And four big brothers who give me pillars of support
From the girl that looks exactly like me
To the immeasurable connection
That makes me complete

I am from the dome
Sunnycrest and hot cocoa
From high school parking lots and football fields
Blue minivans and snow mounds
I am forever Syracuse bound

I am from Autumn stew and pigs in the blanket
Pudding snacks and freeze pops
Memories filled in a turtle sandbox
Ticket stubs and old mixed tapes
I am from photographs and newspaper scraps
Family videos capturing the “good old times”
For all of time.


In case you didn't pick up on it, the poem is essentially about how she was shaped by her childhood experiences. Also, in case you didn't know she has an identical twin and the two of them used to play in a sandbox that was a large plastic turtle. Obviously this poem speaks to me because I shared many of her experiences, but that aside I like her use of personification and love the lines "I am forever Syracuse bound" and "For all of time."

Now I haven't written a poem since my senior year of highschool. FYI- I was big into rhyming couplets. In fact, about 80% of the speeches I gave in my CAPS (Current Affairs/Public Speaking) class rhymed. So as I read Maura's poem this time around I thought about the things, places, etc. that I would include in a poem about my childhood. So a few days ago I began jotting down a few of those images, phrases, places, etc. and shortly thereafter I realized that I could probably also write a poem about my time in college. I planned on putting both poems together tonight, but I got an idea for a third such poem earlier today (I'll put the other two together in the near future).

I was at work, talking to my cousin who will not be named on gchat and he asked me when I'll be going back home next because he claims that he wants to come with, saying, "I need some dome (that's what she said) and Suds in my life." As he mentioned the dome, all sorts of thoughts and images rushed back to me. Syracuse University athletics have played an important role in my life. How important? Well, you decide...

I am from The Loud House
A Real Men Wear Orange t-shirt that’s ripped and faded
I am from storming the court 3 times against Pitt
6 OT’s against UCONN and Big Sh#@!
I am from standing and clapping until the first made field goal
Thirddddd down and “it’s good if it goes!”

I am from dome dogs and SUper 44oz soft drinks
Varsity Pizza and pitchers at Chuck’s
I am from 311 Heaven and the 2-3 zone
From “The ‘Cuse is in the house. Oh my God! Oh my God!”
To “We wouldn’t have won 10 fucking games!”

I am from Warrick’s block and the Brominski catch
Pace’s floater and Freeney’s sacks
From Coach P and Jimmy B
To Melo’s headband and Moten’s socks
Jonny’s smile and Spotwood’s returns

I am the dome ranger
Mr. Excitement and Otto the Orange
The Pride of Scranton and 6 first half three’s
From “Wal-ter Rey-es!” and “WE ARE S U!”
To Kevin Abrams picks and Donovan Darius hits

I am from G-Mac’s run in the Big East Tourney
Our One Shining Moment and big men coached by Bernie
From beating Georgia in ’96 on John Wallace’s three
And going deep to Johnnie Morant and David Tyree
I am from retired jerseys and championship banners
Along with 34,616 (or 49,249) of my closest friends
For all of time

Emmy Observations

Is it me or does it seem like nobody cares about The Emmy's? Me included. I make a big deal about The Academy Awards every year, but I hardly, if ever, mention The Emmy's. I look forward to The Academy Awards every year, whereas Sunday night I just happened to stumble upon The Emmy's. This doesn't really add up because if you think about it, I spend a lot more time watching television than I do watching movies. I mean, sure I'm a movie buff, but I'm also a TV junkie.

At this point, it almost feels like The Academy Awards are treated like the Summer Olympics and The Emmy's are treated like the Winter Olympics. In reality, the Emmy's should be treated more like the college football to The Academy Awards' NFL.

That all said, here are a few observations from The Emmy's.....

I'm thrilled that Modern Family took down the award for Outstanding Comedy Series. In terms of the other nominees, I've heard that this season's Curb Your Enthusiasm was amazing, so I wouldn't have been surprised if that won. Also, I still think 30 Rock is funnier than Modern Family (it's a different kind of humor), but they had a down season.

I get the feeling that Mad Men has become some sort of behemoth during The Emmy's. I think it's a really good show and worthy of winning Outstanding Dram Seriers, but it's nominated in virtually every category possible. It's almost like the academy has a when in doubt nominate someone from Mad Men policy. For example, January Jones is attractive, but she didn't deserve a nomination for Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series. Speaking of which, Christina Hendricks is curvy, but she shouldn't be nominated for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series for it. She probably stole votes from the girl that plays Peggy Olsen. Also, John Slattery plays a cool character (Roger Sterling), but in season 3 he sort of just blended into the background of the show (although this season he's back in a big way). Lastly, Robert Morse (Bert Cooper) got nominated for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series. Really?? Not only should he not count as a guest actor (seeing that he's been a part of the show from day one), but he only has about 4 lines every other episode. If anyone from Mad Men deserved that nomination it was Chelcie Ross who played Conrad Hilton in season 3 (and Ed Harris in Major League).

I couldn't have been happier about Top Chef winning the emmy for Outstanding Reality-Competition Program. At the beginning of this current season I decided that it would probably be last, but now I'm torn. Top Chef is fantastic. It takes a while to weed out the bad cheftestants, but during that time the stronger competitors start to grow on you. Also, Padma is smoking hot. I'm sure none of you watched The Emmy's, but when Top Chef won, some woman stumbled terribly as she was getting out of the row to get up on stage and accept the award. She didn't totally bite it, but it was close. Her hand definitely touched the ground. The entire time the executive producer (or whoever) was giving his speech, the rest of the crew (Tom, Padma, Gail, etc.) were still laughing uncontrollably.

Guess who may have snuck back into my top 5 current celebrity crushes?


I don't know how she ever slipped out of the top 5

How does Connie Britton (Tami Taylor) not win for Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series? Actually I've heard that The Closer is fantastic, so I guess Kyra Sedgwick/Mrs. Kevin Bacon was deserving. Also, Glenn Close easily could have won for her role as Patty Hewes in Damages.



Better yet, how does Kyle Chandler (Eric Taylor) not win for Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series? Actually that category was stacked. This is like the AL East of The Emmy's. Bryan Cranston, better known as Tim Watley or the dad in Malcolm in the Middle, won for his role in Breaking Bad...for the third year in a row. How does Hugh Laurie not win for House? How does Michael C. Hall not win for Dexter?

John Hodgeman, who routinely appears on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, was given free reign to say whatever he wanted right after the winners were announced. For example, he was the guy responsible for saying things like, "This is Cranston's 6th nomination and 3rd straight win." Instead of just giving important facts, he tried to be funny, but wasn't....at all.

Outside of starring in a movie with Drew Barrymore as the female love interest (Fever Pitch), I love Jimmy Fallon. I think he's hysterical. His late night show is great. I mean, how can it not be when his house band is The Roots? His performance as the host of The Emmy's was very solid, but I think he played the guitar a little too much.

First of all, how is Outstanding Host For a Reality or Reality-Competition Program a category? Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, how was Chris Harrison from The Bachelorette not nominated? Easily the snub of the night. Nobody in the business says, "Take a moment...and say your goodbyes," quite like he does.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series should be Neil Patrick Harris' award to lose. And he did. Eric Stonestreet, who plays Cameron on Modern Family, went home with the hardware, although I would have voted for Ty Burrell, who plays Phil on Modern Family.


Ty Burrell

I like The Big Bang Theory and I think that Jim Parsons is funny in it, but Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series seems like a little much. Steve Carell and Alec Baldwin are definitely funnier. Speaking of other nominees from this category, Tony Shalhoub was nominated for his role in Monk which I'm stunned to hear is still on the air.

I think Glee was created with award shows like The Emmy's in mind. It was destined to rack up awards because they employ dramatic, comedic, and musical elements. While we're on the subject, Jane Lynch was a slam dunk for Oustanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. That award was about as obvious as Heath Ledger winning Best Supporting Actor at The Academy Awards in 2009.

Commercial Appeal

Like most people, I'm no fan of commercials. I mean, most fail to resonate with the viewer in any way (good or bad) and are just accepted for their intended purpose. Some, however, are just unbearably irritating for a multitude of reasons. Others appear witty and creative at first, but soon become bothersome upon multiple views (think of that recent Taco Bell ad where a man requests to order from the same girl, who's a smokehouse by the way, in order to ensure that he get's the same price). And every now and again a genuinely enjoyable commercial repeatedly airs and you don't mind watching it.

Which brings us to my favorite and least favorite current commercials. I would also like to point out that I searched the internet high and low and could not find either commercial online, but if you watch television at all I'm sure that you have seen these two ads.

I never thought I'd see the day, but my favorite current commercial is for McDonald's. In the ad a man awakens and as he walks to McDonald's various people attempt to interact with him, but he disregards them all by saying something to the effect of, "I haven't had my coffee yet," or "Not until I have my coffee." Don't ask me why, but I think it's hysterical. Now, I don't think I've ever had or will ever have coffee from McDonald's (I'm a Dunkin' Donuts guy), but the commercial, in my opinion, is an overwhelming success.

My least favorite commercial by far is the Jared Galleria of Jewelry ad that depicts two women in a house. Woman #1 is working on a crossword puzzle and asks Woman #2 what a 13 letter word for marriage proposal is. Woman #2 looks stumped, so Woman #1 says, "He went to Jared," as she shows her engagement ring. This commercial is so horrendous that it makes me want to vomit. Everytime it's on I quickly change the channel so that my eyes and ears don't have to put up with the piercing pain of annoyance that the ad evokes.

I obviously watch a lot of television, but in the past year and a half I've significantly decreased the number of commercials that I view (although based on the past few paragraphs I clearly still see plenty). Because my profession requires me to work primarily at night I am reliant on my DVR (which I love) to record all of the shows that I would normally watch if I were at home.

Sure most shows can be found online, especially the day after they air, but to me DVR is a godsend (should this word be capitalized?). Seriously, can you think of a greater invention in the last 15 years? Not only does it allow you to watch your favorite shows at your own convenience, but it also allows you to fastforward through the commercials.

My TV viewing habits have gotten to the point where I'll avoid watching a show during it's regularly scheduled air time, just so I can watch it later without having to sit through the commercials. I also sometimes start watching an hour long show that I'm recording about 20-30 minutes in and I end up avoiding almost, if not all of the commercial breaks.

But which shows do I record, you ask?

Well here are the shows that I have set up a series recording for on my DVR:

1.) Jeopardy! (CBS M-F 7PM)- Not only do I record the best game show on TV, but I write down how many questions/answers I get right as well as what the Final Jeopardy question/answer is (an excel spreadsheet is in the works). What can I say? One of my goals in life is to be on the show someday. I'd also like to be a contestant when Alex Trebek is still hosting and the clock is certainly ticking.

2.) The Daily Show (Comedy Central M-T 11PM)- Jon Stewart, although he admittedly leans liberal, is a terrific interviewer. Stewart's correspondents (dubbed The Best Fucking News Team Ever), especially John Oliver and Jason Jones, add plenty of humor to the show.

3.) The Colbert Report (Comedy Central M-T 11:30PM)- Colbert is the sharpest, quickest-witted television host going. His improv skills are the most apparent during interviews, in which he routinely dominates his guests. His fame is currently at an all time high now that he's been on the cover of Sports Illustrated and won a Grammy in the past two months.

4.) How I Met Your Mother (CBS Mondays 8PM)- It's a little strange to see Neil Patrick Harris, a homosexual, so effectively pull off his alpha male character Barney Stinson, but his humor drives the show. Well, that and Jason Segel, who can't not be funny.



5.) The Big Bang Theory (CBS Mondays 9:30pm)- If you watched this show once you'd probably never watch it again. I used to watch it because it was on right before How I Met Your Mother and now it's debatable as to which show is funnier.

6.) 24 (FOX Mondays 9PM)- 24 is great because (aside from Bauer being a badass) you can start watching at the beginning of each season and you won't miss a beat. For example, I've seen Seasons 1,2,7, and now the first few episodes of Season 8. This show is so entertaining that so far they've made Freddie Prinze, Jr. a likable character.

7.) Lie to Me (FOX Wednesdays 9PM)- I gave this show a shot back when it first premiered and I still feel that it's worth watching, but it's not a show that I really look forward to. In fact, sometimes I choose not to record an episode if I see a preview commercial and don't like the proposed storyline.

8.) Damages (FX Mondays 10PM)- I think I watch this lawyer drama mainly to figure out if Rose Byrne is hot or not.



9.) Glee (FOX Tuesdays 9PM)- When I first saw previews for this show I assumed that I would never watch it because it seemed a little feminine with all the singing, etc. That was until my friend Kate talked me into watching it and I discovered that it's actually quite funny. Also, I'm officially in love with Lea Michele who plays Rachel on the show.



10.) Modern Family (ABC Wednesdays 8PM)- I'm not sure what the target demographic is for this comedy, but I think it appeals to anyone from the ages 15-65. Like it's name suggests, the show deals with modern family issues (interracial, homosexuality, raising kids in the technological era) in a light-hearted sense.

11.) Top Chef (Bravo Wednesdays 10PM)- I only understand about 2% of the culinary lingo, but for some reason I find this show to be incredibly entertaining. I'm convinced that whoever does the casting is an absolute genius because I routinely like and dislike an equal number of the cheftestants. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that Padma Lakshmi is the host?



12.) The Office (NBC Thursdays 9PM)- I don't know anyone that doesn't watch this show. Or at least I don't know anyone that's watched more than a few episodes and not liked it. In my opinion, it's reached Seinfeld/Friends status in that people generally accept that it's a great show.

13.) 30 Rock (NBC Thursdays 9:30PM)- 30 Rock is definitely deserving of all of those Emmy's that it has won. It is hands down the best written comedic show on television. Case in point, one of my all time favorite television lines came from a Season 3 episode:

Tracy: You like Phil Collins, right?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

14.) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX Thursdays 10PM)- Just an absolutely, ridiculous show. I find the episodes to be hit or miss, but when they hit it's virtually non stop laughter for 30 minutes.

15.) Mad Men (AMC Sundays 10PM)- This period drama is simply fascinating. I started watching from the get go and it's been picking up steam ever since.

If you've seen all of Season 3 then check out this excerpt from Malcolm Gladwell's most recent book "What the Dog Saw":

Herzog worked at a small advertising agency called Jack Tinker & Partners, and people who were in the business in those days speak of Tinker the way baseball fans talk about the 1927 Yankees. Tinker was the brainchild of the legendary adman Marion Harper, who came to believe that the agency he was running, McCann-Erickson, was too big and unwieldy to be able to consider things properly. His solution was to pluck a handful of the very best and brightest from McCann and set them up, first in the Waldorf Towers (in the suite directly below the Duke and Duchess of Windsor's and directly above General Douglas MacArthur's) and then, more permanently, in the Dorset Hotel, on West Fifty-fourth Street, overlooking the Museum of Modern Art. The Tinker Group rented the penthouse, complete with a huge terrace, Venetian-tiled floors, a double-height living room, an antique French polished-pewter bar, a marble fireplace, spectacular skyline views, and a rotating exhibit of modern art (hung by the partners for motivational purposes), with everything-walls, carpets, ceilings, furnishings-a bright, dazzling white. It was supposed to be a think tank, but Tinker was so successful so fast that clients were soon lined up outside the door. When Buick wanted a name for its new luxury coup?, the Tinker Group came up with Riviera. When Bulova wanted a name for its new quartz watch, Tinker suggested Accutron. Tinker also worked with Coca-Cola and Exxon and Westinghouse and countless others, whose names-according to the strict standards of secrecy observed by the group-they would not divulge. Tinker started with four partners and a single phone. But by the end of the sixties it had taken over eight floors of the Dorset.

Sound familiar? It doesn't end there. Here's an article about a legendary 1950-60's ad man named.....Draper Daniels. Knowing this, don't you think that the opening credits of Mad Men should at least say inspired by true events?

Truth in Advertising

In browsing one of the websites that I have conveniently posted a link to on the right hand side of the screen, I came across this concept. People if you trust me, I will lead you in the right direction.

If TV Shows Had Truthful Titles



I missed the boat on the Lost bandwagon and I now feel as if it's way too late for me to try to hop on board. The same thing happened for me with The Sopranos. Maybe one day I will get the dvd's to see what I missed. Lost has really become a hot button topic at the water cooler. Everywhere I go, whether it be in the cafeteria or in the hallways, I hear people talking to one another about their theories as to what is happening in this show. I'm a big closure guy, so I don't know how I'd feel about not knowing what was going on. Is it a flashback? Is it a scene from the future? I think this poster has it right, it's a cocktease.





All I know about ER is that this is their last season and that George Clooney used to be on it. I posted this one because of Stamos' run as Uncle Jesse on Full House. That character has become quite the cult legend since the show last aired. This website never really caught on like the Chuck Norris boom from a few years ago, but it is of the same ilk.




I'm a huge fan of Mad Men so naturally this poster appealed to me. Simply put, Jon Hamm's character Don Draper is the man. He gets hammered at work, sleeps with whoever he wants, and thinks of brilliant advertising concepts. The show won the Emmy for best Drama Series after only it's second season, yet not too many people know about it because it airs on AMC.




There's been plenty of CSI jokes, but this sums them all up.




Easily the best one. Women of all ages get off to this show. I had one of my movie crushes on the female lead of this show when she was in Old School. I thought she would remain an under the radar actress that had something about her, but sure enough she had to hit it off with this crap. Another actress from this show, Katherine Heigel, was nominated for an Emmy for her role, but got on her high horse and asked for the nomination to be revoked because she felt as if the writers didn't give her character enough to work with. I hope she gets knocked up by someone as ugly as Seth Rogan in real life.




Sex sells people. Sex sells. These girls became famous for one reason and one reason only, every guy in America wants to throw it in them. Their attractiveness is one thing, but the fact that they are stuck up and annoying makes guys want to teach them a lesson in the sack. That chick Heidi, who is dating or married to the blond haired joker, is the definition of a hate fuck. Girls don't have those, do they?




If I had one gun and one bullet to be used on someone in Hollywood I would eliminate Cloris Leachman. I don't even care that her biological clock is close to its end anyway. I can't deal with her anymore.



This website (www.holytaco.com) also did the same thing with movies, but I thought the TV ones were slightly better.