That's What He Said- Chapter 5

In case you didn't know, I'm writing a memoir about my senior year in college. Here's what you've missed so far.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

And now without further ado...


Chapter 5

This column didn’t exactly produce the same kind of reaction that my first two had. As far as I could tell people still enjoyed it, but they weren’t going out of their way to let me know it. It was a bit disheartening at first, to plateau like my third column evidently did, but I guess it was only a matter of time¹. It would have been damn near impossible to continually wow my audience week in and week out. I guess it’s a little like when you first start dating someone. Those first few weeks of getting to know each other are great and it seems like the excitement surrounding the relationship will never fade, but it always does.

I thought that I had made some nice observations and blended in enough humor, but the problem, as Tim later explained to me, was that the column lacked what came to be known as ‘zingers’. Zingers are those statements or phrases that cause you to explode with laughter while at the same time thinking, “I can’t believe he wrote that and it was printed.” Although I tried to explain to Tim that zingers were not easy to come by, he went on to judge my remaining columns based solely on the presence or absence of them.

Even though my friends found themselves saying “true” as opposed to laughing out loud while reading my column at least one of my readers thought that I was still pushing the envelope. This is the email that Fran, my old News Writing professor, sent me that week:

Ok, Dan, I read this week's piece. Women and bowels and toilet paper all in the same column. Looks like the Race, Gender Class will be critiquing you again for homework. And I think you are now also on the agenda for the Women's Forum, the faculty monthly women's meeting...

"Shuttle bus to the cafeteria from the morgue." Ok, I laughed out loud
at that.

"Food gives up more runs than Kei Igawa," also funny.

Keep testing that "Free Speech" amendment I'm so fond of....

Fran

While it was nice to be reminded that I had gotten the faculty’s attention, I was more excited about her last sentence. It was one thing to hear it from Tim, but to hear it from Fran? A self-proclaimed feminist, no less. I don’t remember having any reservations about my writing, but if I did, that last sentence completely erased them. When it came to writing, Fran’s opinion was the one that I valued the most.

Like your typical guy, my interest in Communications was largely sports related. I mean, what kid born in the late ‘80s didn’t grow up with aspirations of becoming a SportsCenter anchor? Once I figured out that I actually wanted to work in sports media I had to think of something that sounded specific, but was still totally ambiguous to say to adults when they asked me what I wanted to do. I guess by the time you are a junior in college, many adults assume that you have your life figured out. My solution, in my opinion anyway, was brilliant.

By the time my junior year rolled around I was very much involved with the sports department of my campus radio station. I co-hosted a weekly sports talk show and announced men’s and women’s basketball as well as lacrosse games on the radio and internet (only men’s lacrosse- I’d rather watch paint dry than announce women’s lacrosse). While my radio gig was mainly a hobby, I decided that I should also try my luck with other mediums, namely TV and print. I figured that I would get my feet wet in all three and then pursue a career in the one that I liked the best. This showed adults that I had some sort of direction, but that I was trying to keep my options open in order to make an informed decision about my future. Like I said, brilliant.

As a part of my Communications major I was allowed to pick three elective courses that were in some way related to my chosen field. In the fall of my junior year I used one of those electives to take a class called Sports Broadcasting. This course not only gave me a little taste of what the television side of sports was like, but it also got me into a minor tiff with the women’s head basketball coach. After attending a pre-season practice, I asked the head coach if she thought it was justified, in our what have you done for me lately culture, that she was still coaching at Fairfield even though the men’s coach, who had a much better record than her in the previous 5 years, had been fired in the off-season. Naturally she didn’t take too kindly to my question and during an angry rant said that the comparison was like apples to oranges. I ended my report on the team by saying that the season better be fruitful for the head coach and the Stags (Fairfield’s mascot) or those apples and oranges that she spoke of might come in the canned variety. Let the record show that her ‘contract was not renewed’ after another dismal year.

Even though I knew it was a dying industry, I still felt like I should complete the media triumvirate and see what it was like to cover sports from the print side of things. Fairfield didn’t offer a Sports Writing course in the spring of my junior year, so I was relegated to taking News Writing. The course didn’t focus on sports writing in the least, but it was still the foundation for my brief stint as a sports writer.

As fate would have it, I learned more in that News Writing class than I did in any other class that I took in my academic career. If you had told me that when I walked in on the first day and saw a 4’10, 40-year-old woman with curly, grayish blonde hair that fell just to her shoulder in the front of the room there’s zero chance I would have believed you. Whether she knew she was doing it or not, Fran taught me three things.

First and foremost, she taught me how to write. It was in this class that I learned all of the technical skills, styles, and formats that I continue to employ today. Now I’m still no expert on grammar or punctuation, but I have a basic understanding of the structure and guidelines that one is supposed to follow when it comes to professional writing.

Next, Fran taught me the importance of keeping my audience in mind. It sounds so rudimentary, and I guess it is, but far too many people forget all about it. Fran constantly reminded our class to think about who would be reading our writing before we wrote our first word. The point being, if you know who your audience is you will be able to tailor your words in such a way that they will be able to better understand your point. I mean, I’m sure you are all a lot more conscious of your punctuation when you email your boss/professor than when you email your friends about what happened to you on Saturday night. Now I am by no means in the life lesson giving business, but I do think that this concept is applicable beyond News Writing. You have to constantly be aware of your audience in all aspects of life. It’s basically about how you present yourself in different situations. For example, you probably didn’t care if your cell phone went off during European History 101, but you better have it turned off during a business meeting.

Lastly, before I took News Writing I thought that I wrote in short, simple sentences (great alliteration, I know). After a week or two of getting to know me, Fran quickly debunked this hollow theory of mine. She repeatedly told me that my personality oozes out of my writing. According to her, the short, simple sentences that I thought I was writing were actually littered with my own personal style. After re-reading some of my work, I eventually started to see what she was talking about and I began to embrace it. Once I got in touch with this personal style of mine, my “writer’s voice”, my writing drastically improved. Again, this lesson is applicable beyond journalism. Your personality seeps out of you in all that you do. After every conversation that you have and every action that you take, your own personal stamp is left behind².

While I initially didn’t have a good read on my writing style, I’m pretty sure I had a firm grasp on the entire scope of my personality. Or at least I hope I did. Ever since 8th grade I have been trying to creatively express who I am to my peers by way of social networking devices. Whether it was an AOL or AIM profile or my senior last words in high school I’ve had countless opportunities to sum up my being and show it to others my age. These attempts at a self portrait have been my way of presenting the specific aspects of my personality that I want others to see.

During the first few months of my freshmen year of college the juggernaut of these social networking sites, www.thefacebook.com, really took off. By my senior year the site had become an integral part of college life. Facebook gave undergrads a new language, a new way to interact with one another, and something new to gossip about. Its pervasiveness made it a natural topic selection for Jackie and me.

Facebook was great at first because it provided college kids with a way to keep in touch with their high school friends, to cultivate new friendships with their classmates, and to get a guilt-free glance at the lives of everyone else on their campus. All you needed was a valid college email address and you could sign up for a free account. Once you signed up you could upload a picture, fill out your profile (your birthday, relationship status, favorite movies, books, TV shows, hobbies, etc), and request to be “friends” with anyone else that had an account. Once you were “friends” with someone you could write them a message that only they could see or one on their “wall” that everyone that they were “friends” with could see.

I don’t want to say that Facebook unequivocally strengthened friendships because in many ways it cheapened them, but reminding its users when a “friend” had a birthday coming up was an overwhelming success. Admittedly, if not for Facebook, I wouldn’t know the birthday of most of my closest friends.

That being said, if you ask me, I think Facebook’s popularity was really propelled by pictures. I mean, everyone aimed to present themselves in the best possible light, but their favorite music and quotes were only going to get them so far. Facebook not only allowed users to upload a picture for their profile, but they could also upload “photo albums” of no more than 60 pictures (per album). Users could then “tag” any of their friends that appeared in the photos. The key here was that if you were viewing someone’s profile you could see how many pictures that they were “tagged” in and then look through those. As I’m sure you might imagine or already know there were plenty of girls that looked hot in their pictures on Facebook, but then not so hot in person. Also there were a few girls that looked great in person, but inexplicably didn’t look so great in their Facebook photos.

Shortly after Facebook took off quicker than Chia Pets, slap bracelets, and tamagotchis combined an unwritten etiquette seemed to develop. For example, any guy that consistently wrote on a girl’s wall without her writing back on his was deemed a “Facebook stalker.” Fun fact- There was actually a kid in my grade that was notorious for this. I swear if you looked at any attractive girl’s profile there would almost certainly be a post from him. In most cases there were multiple posts that looked they were written by a hormonal 13 year old. If I had to guess I’d say only about 10 percent of girls responded on his wall and usually only after he had written 5-6 times on theirs. The kid was a bona fide creep and for reasons unbeknownst to me his friends nicknamed him “The Gator.” I assume it had something to do with his predatory nature, but I’m not kidding when I say that he was one of the better known names around campus because of his ramped Facebook faux pas. Other Facebook no no’s included many areas of picture selection, any action that would suggest that you were constantly on the site (i.e. responding too quickly to a friend’s wall post), and having a fake relationship status with a friend of the same sex. The latter was a very popular move by many females that were perhaps embarrassed about being single.

By the time my senior year rolled around things on Facebook were starting to get a little absurd. Users were allowed to upload all sorts of applications that I found to be just plain stupid. For example, people could send their friends animated “gifts” like a cupcake or a palm tree. They could ask their friends to choose a side between the Yankees and Red Sox or even between two unrelated groups like pirates and ninjas. Users could also create quizzes about any topic of their choice (Harry Potter, old school Nickelodeon shows, etc.) for their friends to take. The results of said quizzes were then posted on the participant’s profile.

Even with all of the unnecessary applications Facebook’s popularity did not waver. In fact, it probably grew. There were applications for just about every niche you could think of. Facebook became such a part of the college culture that it was probably the most common bond among the entire student body. To put that in terms of numbers, Fairfield was roughly 88% white during my four years there, but I would argue that at least 90% of the population was on Facebook.

The Mirror on October 3rd, 2007:

Facebook

Facebook is the epicenter of our existence as college students. If it isn’t your homepage, it probably should be because it’s everyone’s most visited site. My excuse is that I check my email a lot. Whatever, it makes me feel better about myself.

Things are getting a little out of control with the applications. I will not be a ninja or pirate, so stop asking me, but let’s just let Mark Zuckerberg live for giving us the best thing since webshots.

Selecting your picture is crucial. If I see another picture of someone flaunting a keystone or a red solo cup I might vomit. We’re all in college. We all drink. Also, guys don’t use a baby picture of yourself. That just reeks of desperation. Scatter actual baby pictures of you and your cousin around your house like I do³.

Albums are priceless, but do we really have to name them after whatever rap song is popular at the time? “ThE gOoD LiFe” is embarrassing. Pick a case. 45 pictures of you changing the expressions on your faces while pregaming? Oh no, you forgot to do the kissy face. Take another one. You’re a joke. Am I the only one counting down the days until the spring break albums are released?

Friends of the same sex (I can’t believe some guys do this) that are in an open relationship/ it’s complicated with each other are about as funny as Jackie’s column and I’ll tell you something that isn’t complicated-the amount of friends they have-0. If you are actually in an open relationship have some self-respect and don’t put it on Facebook. Like don’t tell the world that your ‘girlfriend’ is looking to have sex with other people⁴.

I hate the “I’ve never facebooked anyone” guy. Not only have you done it, but you also probably suck at life and changed your privacy settings so people can’t see your profile. I understand why some babes go private, but guys, really? The only reason we even want to see your profile is to show others how much of a d-bag you are.

The wall-to-wall barely edges out the online now as my favorite feature. (It finally pays off to be at the end of the alphabet) If anyone has written on your wall 4+ times in a row you need to call a timeout and stop the mo. Speaking of which, beware of the gator.


1- I'm pretty sure that this chapter of the memoir plateaus as well , but whatever.

2- There's a fart joke in there somewhere

3- Tim and I had the following two pictures blown up and prominently displayed in our house.





4- I must give credit where credit is due. My buddy Glancy gave me that joke. More on him later.

Happy birthday {insert name here}

As you know, or should know, I turned 25 last week. It's a pretty daunting number and I wasn't exactly thrilled about it by any means. My point being that now there's no real age to look forward to. 25 is still sort of young (at least that's what I'm telling myself), but 26 and above aren't...at all.

That all said, because it was recently my birthday I now have fresh perspective to rail against the Facebook birthday wall post. This is a topic I've touched on before. In fact, it made my inaugural Hate List. But I think it's now time to get a little more in depth.



As I wrote in my Hate List, I can't stand the "Happy bday {insert name here}" Facebook wall post. If you know someone well enough to write on their wall on their birthday then you should put a little thought into it and think of an inside joke of some sort. A buddy of mine from highschool actually wrote, "Happy birthday. Sorry, but I don't remember any of our inside jokes," on my wall last week. I thought it was hysterical. Mostly because he's done a few drugs in his day and I haven't seen him in years, so I wasn't the least bit surprised that he had forgotten any of our inside jokes. Quite frankly, I appreciated his honesty.

If you can't think of anything clever to say and haven't seen or talked to whoever's birthday it is in a while it's totally legit to just let them know that. One of my go to's is, "Happy birthday {insert name here}! It's been forever since we've seen each other, but I hope all is well. Have a good one." Ironically one of my friends can't stand the phrase, "I hope all is well," so I've been trying to avoid using it, but I still use it quite a bit.

Now, why should you put a little thought into a birthday wall post instead of just writing "Happy bday {insert name here}" and getting on with your day? Well, because it goes a long way. People are more likely to appreciate and/or remember your well wishes if you put a little thought into it. Also, don't you want people to put a little thought into crafting you a birthday message?

About a month or so ago my buddy Kyle Korver actually said something to the effect of, "I appreciate how you always write more than just a simple happy bday on people's walls," and it wasn't his birthday. He just noticed it.

Don't get me wrong, writing the standard "Happy bday {insert name here}" is still a nice gesture. Obviously it's better than nothing and/or a Facebook message, which is almost always a little creepy. Maybe I'm just a little more selective in who's walls I write on. I imagine some people write on everyone of their "friends" walls on their bdays and in that instance I guess I can understand a few simple "Happy bday {insert name here}" posts, but I think I'm a little more of a realist. I'm not actually friends with all of the people that I'm "friends" with on Facebook.

Another aspect of the Facebook birthday wall post is when you share your birthday with a number of "friends". What's the protocal there? I think a lot of people pretend like they aren't periodically checking their Facebook on their birthday until the inevitable "Thanks for all the bday wishes" post (more on this in a bit), so they don't like to be the first one to crack when it comes to writing on someone's wall that they share a birthday with. Also, what if you aren't actually friends with someone that you share a birthday with? Say they're a friend of a friend that you met once or twice and you just happen to have the same birthday. You still have to wish them a happy birthday, right? On a semi-related note, I also suspect that people are more prone to write a happy bday message on someone's wall in the days leading up to their birthday. Basically the thought process there is essentially, if I write on his/her wall they'll write on mine in a few days when it's my birthday.

Now let's get to the "Thank you for all the birthday wishes" post. Is it necessary? I had a conversation with my buddy Mad Max about it 4-5 months ago and I argued that it was the dumbest thing ever and largely unnecessary. Max couldn't have disagreed more. He said that if you don't thank people for wishing you a happy birthday that you come of as arrogant, self-entitled, and unappreciative. He broke down his point by saying, "Let's say you have a party and I show up and say, "Happy birthday Dan! So great to see you." What do you say? You say thank you, right?" Basically Max owned me in that argument, so for the first year ever I wrote a "Thank you for the birthday wishes" post, but, of course, I had to get clever with it. At about 10pm on the 25th anniversary of my birth I wrote, "Friends, family, and people I randomly met one night in college or otherwise- Thank you for making my 25th birthday both an enjoyable and memorable one." Not that clever, I know.

So if there's one takeaway from this rather innocuous post it's this. Give a little thought before writing on someone's Facebook wall on their birthday.

Oscars 2011

The year in film will be celebrated this Sunday night as the 83^rd annual Academy Awards will be held in Los Angeles. That means that I'm running out of time for my annual Oscars preview/prediction post. For those keeping track at home (me) I am 10 for 11 in my Oscar predictions. Last year all the buzz was centered around the James Cameron(Avatar)/Kathyrn Bigelow(The Hurt Locker) competition for Best Picture and Best Director. Bigelow, Cameron's 3rd wife, bested her former beau in both categories and became the first woman ever to win Best Director. This year there is no self made rivalry, but the Best Picture race is seemingly again down to two. This year's frontrunners are both based on true events. The leader in the clubhouse seems to be The King's Speech which tells the tale of King George VI overcoming his stammer thanks to his unlicensed speech therapist. The film took home top honors at the Screen Actors Guild Awards in late January. The likeliest film to unseat The King's Speech for Best Picture is The Social Network which (loosely) recounts the origination of the social networking behemoth Facebook. Word on the street is that there will be a much younger feel to the awards this year. Much of this is probably just speculation based on the hosts of this year's festivities: James Franco and Anne Hathaway.

With that all said, it's time to hand out the hardware. Last year I had only seen 3 of the 10 movies nominated for Best Picture before the awards. I went 6 for 6 in my predictions. This year I've seen 9 of the 10 movies nominated for Best Picture. I'm not sure if I can go 6 for 6 again (I'm only unsure of my Best Picture pick). Let's give it a shot either way.

Best Picture

Black Swan

This film is both physically and emotionally painful to watch, but it's also very good. Good enough to win? Probably not. My brother Pat characterized it in three words, "it's fucked up".


The Fighter



My favorite film of the year because it was real (based on a true story). Boxing movies have been produced ad nauseum over the last 30 years, but this one was less about the actual boxing and more about family, fame, making your own decisions, blind loyalty, and overcoming hardships at every turn.


Inception



An intriguing mind thriller that starred the best in the business (Leonardo DiCaprio) and sparked more cooler talk conversations than any other movie in recent memory.


The Kids Are All Right



A lesbian couple each has a child from the same sperm donor and when the kids grow up and meet the their biological father he briefly becomes a part of their life. Misleading title?


The King's Speech



As my buddy Frank recently tweeted, "The King's Speech is g-gr-gr-gre-great."


127 Hours



The only one of the ten that I have yet to see. That should tell you that my expectations aren't too high. James Franco plays a man who gets stuck in-between a rock and a hard place (literally) for 5 and a half days. I've heard good things, but it has zero chance of winning.


The Social Network



The story of how Facebook was formed. Although many would contend that much of the film is inaccurate it has the potential to be the most influential movie of the year because of the ever growing popularity of the social networking site.


Toy Story 3



A borderline touching tale of growing up, moving on, and discovering new ways to be happy. Absolutely tremendous for an animated film. PS- Yes, I work for Disney.


True Grit



Surprisingly this is not just a token nomination because it was directed by the Coen brothers. A 14-year old in late 19^th century Arkansas is out to avenge her father's murder, so she hires a grizzly, old U.S. Marshall to track down the killer.


Winter's Bone



A 17-year old girl who's raising her younger brother and sister because her mother is a wacko (sits around in the house all day) has to prove that her father is dead in order to retain their family's home and land. Bring a pillow.


What movie should win? The Fighter

What movie will win? The Social Network


Best Actor in a Leading Role

Javier Bardem in Biutiful- I just watched the trailer for this movie and I have no idea what it's about. All I know is that Bardem was a bit of a surprise nominee. Many thought that Ryan Gosling would pick up the 5^th nomination for his role in Blue Valentine. Bottom line, Bardem isn't going to win, but he did just father a child with Penelope Cruz, so at least he's got that to celebrate.

Jeff Bridges in True Grit- If he were to take home the hardware he'd become the 10^th two time winner and the 3^rd to win the award in back to back years (Spencer Tracy 1937-38 and Tom Hanks 1993-94).

Jesse Eisenberg in The Social Network- Mark Zuckerberg may have invented the most influential social medium to date, but that doesn't change the fact that he's a big douche.

Colin Firth in The King's Speech- How Firth was able to deliver this constant stammer is nothing short of remarkable. At first I took it for granted, but thinking back it's award winning stuff.

James Franco in 127 Hours- No host has ever won an award of any kind, so Franco's chances aren't looking too good. He definitely railed Anne Hathaway though, so he got that going for him.





Which actor should win? Colin Firth in The King's Speech

Which actor will win? Colin Firth in The King's Speech


Best Actress in a Leading Role

Annette Bening in The Kids Are All Right- Bening plays a lesbian mother who is particularly perturbed by the emergence of the sperm donor in her children's lives. She was good and probably has the best shot at unseating the presumptive winner Portman, but Julianne Moore, who played her partner, was pretty darn good too.

Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole- Apparently she's a really good actress (this is her 3^rd Best Actress nomination, she won in 2002 for her role in The Hours), but I'm on the fence as to whether or not she's hot. Call me crazy, but I'm going with not.

Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone- She's 20 and she's a babe, but she's not going to win. Not for nothing she becomes the first ever Best Actress nominee born in the '90's.

Natalie Portman in Black Swan- Portman plays a veteran ballerina cast to play the lead role in Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake in which she has to exhibit two different personas. She dives head first into the role and soon becomes bruised and battered both physically and emotionally. Not only is she an almost certainty to win, but she's engaged and pregnant with the choreographer's baby.

Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine- Her ex-fiance Heath Ledger posthumously won an Oscar in 2009 for Best Supporting Actor, so if she wins on Sunday then their child would almost certainly be destined for greatness…or a drug overdose.





Which actress should win? Natalie Portman in Black Swan

Which actress will win? Natalie Portman in Black Swan


Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Christian Bale in The Fighter- Bale is scary good in this film. Not only did he lose 35+ pounds for the role. He also has a better Boston accent than Mark Wahlberg and Bale is English. Also, the brother of the man he portrays has said that Bale is more Dicky than Dicky. I'm not sure if I've ever seen a better supporting performance in my life.

John Hawkes in Winter's Bone- Who would ever have thought that Kenny Powers' brother would be nominated for an Academy Award?

Jeremy Renner in The Town- The star of last year's Best Picture winner is the only nominee from the latest Ben Affleck joint. The Town is very entertaining, but I'd have to say that it's also a little overrated. And you know how much I love Affleck.

Mark Ruffalo in The Kids Are All Right- Ruffalo plays a sperm donor who is tracked down by his biological children. Over the course of a summer he becomes a significant figure in their lives, as well as the lives of their moms, but he eventually lets them down.

Geoffrey Rush in The King's Speech- If not for Christian Bale's once in a lifetime performance this would be Rush's award to lose.





Which actor should win? Christian Bale in The Fighter and Geoffrey Rush in The King's Speech

Which actor will win? Christian Bale in The Fighter


Best Actress in a Supporting Role

Amy Adams in The Fighter- I love Amy Adams and I loved The Fighter, but I didn't think that she was that great in it.

Helena Bonham Carter in The King's Speech- I haven't seen her since Fight Club, so it was nice to know that she's still in the game, but I also recently found out that she's married to Tim Burton which is a little lot weird to me.

Melissa Leo in The Fighter- She plays the mother-manager-matriarch of a boxing family in Massachusetts. She is both stubborn and destructive as she clearly favors one son to another while trying to convince the son she favors less to see things her way. She should win this award easily.

Hailee Steinfeld in True Grit- 1.) She was the protagonist/lead actress. Literally on the screen for 98% of the film. There's no way that you could convince me that she was in any way a "supporting actress". 2.) She's 14 years old. Grow up Peter Pan.

Jacki Weaver in Animal Kingdom- I knew that the Disney Theme Park was just a movie set and that the tigers and lions on the safari ride were fake. You can't fool me Mom and Dad.





Which actress should win? Melissa Leo in The Fighter

Which actress will win? Melissa Leo in The Fighter


Last year I also previewed and predicted the Best Director winner because of the James Cameron/Katherine Bigelow sub-plot. Well I successfully predicted that Bigelow would win, so let's ride the momentum and try to go for two in a row.

Best Director (otherwise known as the 5 movies that would have been nominated for Best Picture if the Academy didn't expand to 10 only because The Dark Knight was snubbed in 2008)

Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan- I think he should win going away for this reason and this reason alone. He puts the audience in the mind of the protagonist. We feel and experience virtually everything that Natalie Portman's character does. There's this overriding, palpable sense of tension hanging in the balance throughout the entire film. When she pulls skin off her own back we wince in pain, when she becomes delusional we are confused, and when she finally experiences her release we do as well.

David O. Russell for The Fighter- I gotta give it up to Russell for the way he intertwined the fight scenes with other moments that were key in plot development. My favorite scene of the year in any film (outside of the Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis sex scene) is when Dicky is in jail talking to his mother on the phone while Mickey is getting his ass kicked in a fight.

Tom Hooper for The King's Speech- Apparently this movie was filmed on a gay porn set, so let's hope that Hooper doesn't win.

David Fincher for The Social Network- I think the star of the film is really Aaron Sorkin's screenplay filled with its incendiary dialogue, but Fincher is going to get a lot of love for the way he told the story visually both inside and outside the board room.

Joel and Ethan Coen for True Grit- Plain and simple, The Academy has a raging hard on for the Coen brothers.



Darren Aronofsky

Which director should win? Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan

Which director will win? David Fincher for The Social Network

Hate List 2.0

Well folks, I think it's about time to update my hate list. Again, it's more of a "things that irriate/annoy me" list, but hate sounds a lot cooler. For those of you that have forgotten, my first installment went a little something like this:

1.) One word text messages
2.) Women that keep their maiden names
3.) Cigarette smoking
4.) Drew Barrymore
5.) People that wait at a 4-way stop sign until an oncoming car comes to a complete stop before they go
6.) Pocket dialing
7.) Touchdown. Commercial. Kickoff. Commercial.
8.) The word "cliche"
9.) People who smack their lips when they eat
10.) The "Happy Birthday (insert name here)" Facebook wall post

And now for installment version 2.0....

1.) People who reference the speech writing process when giving a speech- Like give the speech, don't tell the audience about your thought process when you sat down to write the speech. I think it's tacky when people say things like, "When I was first asked to give this speech I immediately thought of the quote by", "When I thought about what I would say today, I wrote down a few key points", "In college I was taught to start a speech with a quote, joke, or personal story".

Is your speech about giving a speech? or is there an actual topic? The commencement speaker at my sisters' graduation last weekend commited this faux pas and it particularly bothered me because that is like the major league of giving speeches.

Speaking of giving a commencement speech, I think I'm going to add that to my lifelong to-do list. I don't know how I'm going to become worthy of such an honor, but I think I could deliver a rip-roaring, practical commencement address.

2.) People who claim that they can't see a credit card/ticket screen- I've been behind two such people (more often than not women) in the past month and it's irked me both times. The first was a woman buying a train ticket on the platform who took forever claiming that she couldn't see the screen because of the glare. Now I'll admit that sometimes there is a glare, but it's really not that hard to deal with. All you have to do is position your body in front of the screen and focus just a little bit and you should have no problem. Another fool proof method is to wear sunglasses (which I do not do).

Which brings us to the second time this happened to me in the past month. A woman in front of me at the checkout in the grocery store claimed that she couldn't read the credit card screen, which is mind boggling because there isn't a glare when you're indoors. Her problem was that she was wearing sunglasses (which I contend still shouldn't have made it difficult to read the screen).

I consider myself to be a relatively patient person, but when things like this slow me up, I get a little upset.

3.) People who fail to take control of the intersection when making a left hand turn- If you're the first in line at a red light and it turns green, under no circumstances should you have to wait at that red light again. How people don't realize this is beyond me. Let's say you're taking a left, but a long line of cars in the opposite direction is going straight. What you should do is idle out into the middle of the intersection to "take control". This way, when the light turns red, you have to complete your turn or else traffic can not continue. I'm under the impression that at least two cars per green light cycle should be able to make a left hand turn even if traffic in the opposite direction is continuous. Too many times have I sat behind someone that doesn't take control and is subsequently forced to wait through the same red light twice.

4.) The "Wow, that's a low price" Staples commercial- This, to me, is negative advertising. If I need office supplies I am now going to go out of way to avoid Staples because of this horrendously annoying commercial. I'm not kidding when I say that it's right up there with the 13 letter word for marriage proposal travesty that I bagged on months ago. I literally cringe every time I see it and immediately turn the dial.

5.) When all of the responses to an email chain on Gmail suddenly repurpose themselves and you have to scroll through them all to see the most recent response- I'm not sure if I explained that properly, but that's something that I'll never understand.

6.) Meryl Streep- Everyone always says that, "She's such a great actress" "She's the actress of our generation" "She's beautiful", but let's get a few things straight. I'm willing to admit that she's a very talented actress. There's no denying that; however I've never enjoyed any of her performances. To me, she seems a bit pretentious, especially at the Academy Awards. Also, she's definitely not the actress of my generation seeing that she's 37 years my senior. Lastly, she's by no means "beautiful" now and quite frankly she wasn't that good looking back in her hey day.

7.) When my DVR fails to record the scenes from the next episode- This isn't a huge deal, but I'm a sucker for the scenes for the next episode, so I get bothered when I miss them. I also routinely miss The Daily Show's moment of zen about once a week even though I record The Daily Show from 11-11:30 and The Colbert Report from 11:30-12. How that's possible I can't figure out. I realize that the DVR is set to record by exact times, but can't we figure out a way to record the shows themselves from start to finish?

8.) Ironing- I can't stand ironing. It's such a tedious and annoying task. Not to mention that I think I'm bad at it (if that's even possible). I'll iron a shirt and pants and there won't be any wrinkles. Then I'll put said shirt and pants on and it's wrinkles galore. Call me crazy, but I think that not having to iron your clothes ever again (as well as other tedious tasks) is a major selling point for marriage.

9.) Facebook messages from events- There's nothing worse than signing onto Facebook and seeing that you have a message only to then find out that it's from an event that you haven't responded to yet. Oh the party starts at 8:15 instead of 8:30? The open bar is $40 not $35? Seriously, I don't care. Stop wasting my time.

10.) Wearing glasses in the rain- There's some money to made here. Someone needs to invent something to literally wipe this problem away (sorry about the bad pun, it's what I do). I don't think wipers on glasses are really practical, but maybe water resistant glasses? Quickdry frames?

Hate List

Last night I was searching online for books that twenty somethings would enjoy (if you have any suggestions let me know) and after I read through a couple of lists it hit me. When's the last time you sat down and actually wrote out a list of any kind? A "to do" list, a grocery list, whatever. Maybe it's that everyone spends all day on their blackberry or that no one has the time, but I feel like lists have become outdated. This, to me anyway, is rather unfortunate because lists can be very helpful. Lists help you remember things. For example, before I went to the grocery store the other day I looked through my kitchen to see what I needed. Aside from the usual items I told myself that I needed new ice trays. Now I'm way too confident in my memory to write out a grocery list, but sure enough when I got back I had forgotten to get new ice trays. It seems trivial and it kind of is because I don't really need ice trays at all, but that feeling when you realize that you forgot something is one that I don't enjoy.

As I got to thinking about lists I was reminded of one that a girl from my high school made a few years back. In the About Me section of her Facebook page she created a list of things that she hates; a "hate" list. For the record, it was more of a pet peeve list, but hate sounds much cooler. She still has the "hate" list up and running and updates it every once in a while. A few examples from her list are: ipod walkers, wet dogs, clouds, seaweed, and widescreen dvds. Now this of course got me thinking of the things that I hate. We'll start with an item from her list that I hate as well.

1.) One word text messages-I have a friend who's notorious for texting people the letter "o" as in "oh" and for angrily texting question marks when someone doesn't respond to a previous text within 10 minutes. Similarily can we please stop texting "k" and "ya" to one another? I mean, I guess the previous texter sometimes deserves a little bit of the blame for posing a simple yes or no question, but would it kill us to write "ok sounds good/ok will do" and "yeah that's right" instead?

2.) Women that keep their maiden name- This, to me, is the ultimate slap in the face. Marriage is a commitment and if you can't sacrifice your maiden name, then why even bother getting married in the first place? When a man asks you to marry him and you say yes, you know going in that it's expected of you to take his last name as your own. Don't get on your high horse like a raging feminist and think about keeping your maiden name in any capacity. This hyphenated shit is out of control. I mean, if you keep your maiden name or try this hyphenated nonsense things will get real messy when you have kids.

3.) Cigarette smoking- This is my number one pet peeve. I can't figure out why twenty somethings smoke cigs. Not only is it extremely unhealthy, it's unattractive. Did the D.A.R.E campaign teach my peers nothing?

I give people above the age of 40 a pass for smoking cigarettes because back then they didn't know how bad they were for their lungs, but kids my age have no excuse for their chain smoking. Cigarette smoking also bothers me because it leads to cigarette breaks. For example, a girl I work with takes about 5 cigarrette breaks per shift. If the workload picks up she "can't handle it" and needs the stress relief of a cig.

It should be noted that I'm no saint when it comes to smoking. I smoke the occasional cigar and hookah, but I would guess that I do about as much harm to my lungs in a year that the average smoker does in a week.

4.) Drew Barrymore- She's unattractive and annoying.

5.) People that wait at a 4-way stop sign until an oncoming car comes to a complete stop before they go- I guess it doesn't hurt to be better safe than sorry, but come onnnn. Isn't it a bit over cautious to assume that everyone is going to blow right through a stop sign?

6.) Pocket dialing- A friend from highschool that I virtually never speak to must have pocket dialed me 15 times in June/July. I answered the first few times thinking he had something relevant to tell me, but all I heard was mumbled conversation. The next few times I just silenced the calls and moved on with my life. Then I started hitting ignore and calling him right back, but he never answered. Then one time I answered, hung up and sent him a text that said, "Dude, what's goin on here? You keep pocket dialing me?" He responded by saying, "No I didn't. I just wanted to see how youre doing." I was literally stunned. This clown had been pocket dialing me for a month and when I called him out on it he tried to play it off like he was trying to keep in touch. Un-beeeee-lievvvv-able. Sure enough I got two more pocket calls from him later that week.

7.) Touchdown. Commercial. Kickoff. Commercial.- There are plenty of enough natural breaks in a football game (touchdowns/field goals, changes of possession, timeouts, the end of quarters, and the two minute warnings) for commercials.

8.) The word "cliche"- I have a long standing belief that the word "cliche" is overused. To me, it's a catchy word that every kid in America thought was cool to say. "That's so cliche." "What a cliche answer." etc. I also hate unoriginal (cliche) romantic notions like asking a girl out/to marry you on Valentine's Day/New Year's Eve. I must say, however, that the greatest advice I've ever given was when I told a friend to break up with his long term girlfriend at 11:50 on December 31st by saying that he wanted to start the new year off right.

9.) People that smack their lips when they eat- A few of my former roommates smacked their lips so loud when they ate that I couldn't function within a 20 foot radius of them. Maybe I'm just ultra sensitive about the issue because my brother and I used to yell at each other for doing it as kids at the dinner table, but it's like nails on a chalk board to me now.

10.) The "Happy Bday (Insert name here)" Facebook wall post- If you know someone well enough to write a happy birthday message on their Facebook wall then take a little time and think of something else to say other than just "Happy Bday (Insert name here)"


Now I'll continually update this list whenever I think of more things that I hate. Suggestions are welcome.