Commercial Appeal

Like most people, I'm no fan of commercials. I mean, most fail to resonate with the viewer in any way (good or bad) and are just accepted for their intended purpose. Some, however, are just unbearably irritating for a multitude of reasons. Others appear witty and creative at first, but soon become bothersome upon multiple views (think of that recent Taco Bell ad where a man requests to order from the same girl, who's a smokehouse by the way, in order to ensure that he get's the same price). And every now and again a genuinely enjoyable commercial repeatedly airs and you don't mind watching it.

Which brings us to my favorite and least favorite current commercials. I would also like to point out that I searched the internet high and low and could not find either commercial online, but if you watch television at all I'm sure that you have seen these two ads.

I never thought I'd see the day, but my favorite current commercial is for McDonald's. In the ad a man awakens and as he walks to McDonald's various people attempt to interact with him, but he disregards them all by saying something to the effect of, "I haven't had my coffee yet," or "Not until I have my coffee." Don't ask me why, but I think it's hysterical. Now, I don't think I've ever had or will ever have coffee from McDonald's (I'm a Dunkin' Donuts guy), but the commercial, in my opinion, is an overwhelming success.

My least favorite commercial by far is the Jared Galleria of Jewelry ad that depicts two women in a house. Woman #1 is working on a crossword puzzle and asks Woman #2 what a 13 letter word for marriage proposal is. Woman #2 looks stumped, so Woman #1 says, "He went to Jared," as she shows her engagement ring. This commercial is so horrendous that it makes me want to vomit. Everytime it's on I quickly change the channel so that my eyes and ears don't have to put up with the piercing pain of annoyance that the ad evokes.

I obviously watch a lot of television, but in the past year and a half I've significantly decreased the number of commercials that I view (although based on the past few paragraphs I clearly still see plenty). Because my profession requires me to work primarily at night I am reliant on my DVR (which I love) to record all of the shows that I would normally watch if I were at home.

Sure most shows can be found online, especially the day after they air, but to me DVR is a godsend (should this word be capitalized?). Seriously, can you think of a greater invention in the last 15 years? Not only does it allow you to watch your favorite shows at your own convenience, but it also allows you to fastforward through the commercials.

My TV viewing habits have gotten to the point where I'll avoid watching a show during it's regularly scheduled air time, just so I can watch it later without having to sit through the commercials. I also sometimes start watching an hour long show that I'm recording about 20-30 minutes in and I end up avoiding almost, if not all of the commercial breaks.

But which shows do I record, you ask?

Well here are the shows that I have set up a series recording for on my DVR:

1.) Jeopardy! (CBS M-F 7PM)- Not only do I record the best game show on TV, but I write down how many questions/answers I get right as well as what the Final Jeopardy question/answer is (an excel spreadsheet is in the works). What can I say? One of my goals in life is to be on the show someday. I'd also like to be a contestant when Alex Trebek is still hosting and the clock is certainly ticking.

2.) The Daily Show (Comedy Central M-T 11PM)- Jon Stewart, although he admittedly leans liberal, is a terrific interviewer. Stewart's correspondents (dubbed The Best Fucking News Team Ever), especially John Oliver and Jason Jones, add plenty of humor to the show.

3.) The Colbert Report (Comedy Central M-T 11:30PM)- Colbert is the sharpest, quickest-witted television host going. His improv skills are the most apparent during interviews, in which he routinely dominates his guests. His fame is currently at an all time high now that he's been on the cover of Sports Illustrated and won a Grammy in the past two months.

4.) How I Met Your Mother (CBS Mondays 8PM)- It's a little strange to see Neil Patrick Harris, a homosexual, so effectively pull off his alpha male character Barney Stinson, but his humor drives the show. Well, that and Jason Segel, who can't not be funny.



5.) The Big Bang Theory (CBS Mondays 9:30pm)- If you watched this show once you'd probably never watch it again. I used to watch it because it was on right before How I Met Your Mother and now it's debatable as to which show is funnier.

6.) 24 (FOX Mondays 9PM)- 24 is great because (aside from Bauer being a badass) you can start watching at the beginning of each season and you won't miss a beat. For example, I've seen Seasons 1,2,7, and now the first few episodes of Season 8. This show is so entertaining that so far they've made Freddie Prinze, Jr. a likable character.

7.) Lie to Me (FOX Wednesdays 9PM)- I gave this show a shot back when it first premiered and I still feel that it's worth watching, but it's not a show that I really look forward to. In fact, sometimes I choose not to record an episode if I see a preview commercial and don't like the proposed storyline.

8.) Damages (FX Mondays 10PM)- I think I watch this lawyer drama mainly to figure out if Rose Byrne is hot or not.



9.) Glee (FOX Tuesdays 9PM)- When I first saw previews for this show I assumed that I would never watch it because it seemed a little feminine with all the singing, etc. That was until my friend Kate talked me into watching it and I discovered that it's actually quite funny. Also, I'm officially in love with Lea Michele who plays Rachel on the show.



10.) Modern Family (ABC Wednesdays 8PM)- I'm not sure what the target demographic is for this comedy, but I think it appeals to anyone from the ages 15-65. Like it's name suggests, the show deals with modern family issues (interracial, homosexuality, raising kids in the technological era) in a light-hearted sense.

11.) Top Chef (Bravo Wednesdays 10PM)- I only understand about 2% of the culinary lingo, but for some reason I find this show to be incredibly entertaining. I'm convinced that whoever does the casting is an absolute genius because I routinely like and dislike an equal number of the cheftestants. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that Padma Lakshmi is the host?



12.) The Office (NBC Thursdays 9PM)- I don't know anyone that doesn't watch this show. Or at least I don't know anyone that's watched more than a few episodes and not liked it. In my opinion, it's reached Seinfeld/Friends status in that people generally accept that it's a great show.

13.) 30 Rock (NBC Thursdays 9:30PM)- 30 Rock is definitely deserving of all of those Emmy's that it has won. It is hands down the best written comedic show on television. Case in point, one of my all time favorite television lines came from a Season 3 episode:

Tracy: You like Phil Collins, right?
Jack: I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

14.) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX Thursdays 10PM)- Just an absolutely, ridiculous show. I find the episodes to be hit or miss, but when they hit it's virtually non stop laughter for 30 minutes.

15.) Mad Men (AMC Sundays 10PM)- This period drama is simply fascinating. I started watching from the get go and it's been picking up steam ever since.

If you've seen all of Season 3 then check out this excerpt from Malcolm Gladwell's most recent book "What the Dog Saw":

Herzog worked at a small advertising agency called Jack Tinker & Partners, and people who were in the business in those days speak of Tinker the way baseball fans talk about the 1927 Yankees. Tinker was the brainchild of the legendary adman Marion Harper, who came to believe that the agency he was running, McCann-Erickson, was too big and unwieldy to be able to consider things properly. His solution was to pluck a handful of the very best and brightest from McCann and set them up, first in the Waldorf Towers (in the suite directly below the Duke and Duchess of Windsor's and directly above General Douglas MacArthur's) and then, more permanently, in the Dorset Hotel, on West Fifty-fourth Street, overlooking the Museum of Modern Art. The Tinker Group rented the penthouse, complete with a huge terrace, Venetian-tiled floors, a double-height living room, an antique French polished-pewter bar, a marble fireplace, spectacular skyline views, and a rotating exhibit of modern art (hung by the partners for motivational purposes), with everything-walls, carpets, ceilings, furnishings-a bright, dazzling white. It was supposed to be a think tank, but Tinker was so successful so fast that clients were soon lined up outside the door. When Buick wanted a name for its new luxury coup?, the Tinker Group came up with Riviera. When Bulova wanted a name for its new quartz watch, Tinker suggested Accutron. Tinker also worked with Coca-Cola and Exxon and Westinghouse and countless others, whose names-according to the strict standards of secrecy observed by the group-they would not divulge. Tinker started with four partners and a single phone. But by the end of the sixties it had taken over eight floors of the Dorset.

Sound familiar? It doesn't end there. Here's an article about a legendary 1950-60's ad man named.....Draper Daniels. Knowing this, don't you think that the opening credits of Mad Men should at least say inspired by true events?

50 reasons not to get married

My buddy sent me a list of 100 reasons not to get married that some joker compiled. The list was a bit repetitive and a few of the reasons were a bit suspect, so I cut the list in half. My personal comments are in italics.

When you’re single...

1.) You get the whole bed to yourself.

2.) There's no pressure to make the bed in the morning/ever.

3.) Nobody smells your dragon breath or sees what you look like first thing in the morning.

4.) You can stay in the shower as long as you want and don’t have to worry about conserving hot water for a spouse/kids.

5.) There's half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do. -although if you get married your wife should be responsible for 90% of this stuff, right?

6.) You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments.

7.) You can get home from work at whatever time you like.

8.) You get to eat the whole meal for two, by yourself.

7.) There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse’s parents,etc) and no anniversaries to accidentally forget.

8.) Without a spouse you have can still have a decent social life in your 30s.

9.) You don’t have to live halfway between your workplace and your spouse’s workplace. -if your wife's workplace is the kitchen then I guess you're all set on this one.

10.) Once you’re married most of your friends will also be married and will mostly be staying home with their own spouse’s instead of hanging out with you.

11.) No soap operas.

12.) You can throw your dirty socks on the floor where they belong.

13.) You don’t have to worry about what the bathroom smells like when you walk out of it. -definitely more terrifying if it's your wife that's stinking up the joint

14.) You don’t have to put out Christmas lights if you don’t want to.

15.) When you’re single the lawn looks a lot better when the grass is longer.

16.) No one snores.

17.) On your way out you know that you’re shoes are right where you took them off yesterday.

18.) You don't have to shave if you don’t want to. -I might grow an NBA playoffs beard

19.) You don't have to buy Valentines/birthday/Mother's day cards.

20.) You won’t have anyone saying 'you're not going to wear that, are you?'

21.) You ALWAYS know EXACTLY how much is in your checking account.

22.) There are no unexplainable moods to contend with.

23.) You are accountable to no one. You never have to say where you've been or what you've been doing.

24.) You never have to worry about saying what you think, or having to pretend you’re thinking something that you’re not.

25.) You can eat what YOU want. -bacon for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

26.) You can have friends over who behave outrageously whenever you want.

27.) You can surf the internet till you’re eyes fall out if you want to.

28.) You can listen to your favorite tunes in the house or in the car and no one fiddles with the station or complains about your taste in music.

29.) You can go to bed when you please.

30.) There's plenty of space in the closet.

31.) You don't have to pretend that you’re interested in what happened to your spouse at work today.

32.) You can drink wine out of a bottle or milk right out of the jug whenever you like.

33.) You can pass gas at will. -yahtzee

34.) When you’re single your opinion is always the best opinion.

35.) You don't have to listen to your spouse pant every time their favorite actor or musician comes on the television. -Oh my God, Grey's is on!

36.) When you’re single you can flush or let that log float around for a while.

37.) You don’t have to share ANYTHING with ANYONE.

38.) No in-laws (this one speaks for itself)

39.) Las Vegas is back on the list of vacation considerations.

40.) You can wear sweatpants all day. - "Oh, if they were Sean Jean sweatpants it would be no problem, but because they were Costco brand, it's the worst thing I could do." - Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

41.) When you get home after work, you don't have to start work again.

40.) You can tell people you’re single and not have to lie about it.

45.) You'll never have to trade your interest in miniskirts for minivans.

46.) When you’re single you get to hold the actual credit card and not just the bill.

47.)When you’re single going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission.

48.) You can come home drunk and not have to pretend you’re sober.

49.) When you’re single you can lick the spoon and keep on stirring like nothing happened.

50.) Finally, when you’re single you can enjoy the silence any time you want

I Love You, Man

Every now and then a movie comes along and you think it has to be great purely based on its cast. More often than not that movie turns out to be a success, but sometimes the movie doesn't live up to the hype. Wedding Crashers (2005), featured Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, and Christopher Walken, and was an instant comedic hit. Heat (1995) , on the other hand, flopped despite featuring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Jon Voight, Val Kimer, and Ashley Judd (not to mention Dennis Haysbert, Natalie Portman, and Jeremy Piven). To put it into perspective, it cost $60 million to make and only grossed $66 million.

If you've been to the movies lately or have browsed imdb.com, I hope that you have seen the preview for I Love You, Man. This comedy is set to release on Friday March 20th and features three of my favorite comedic actors at the moment in Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, and Andy Samberg. It also stars Karen from The Office and Jaime Pressly. No way this movie isn't awesome.




Jason Segel, who plays the new best friend, has recently come onto the scene largely due to his role on the CBS Monday night show How I Met Your Mother. This role catapulted him to the big screen, where he starred in the 2008 summer comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Here is a clip from How I Met Your Mother.




Andy Samberg, who plays the younger brother (who turns out to be gay), is one of the current stars of Saturday Night Live. He is also a member of the comedy group Lonely Island. Many of his comedy sketches have become internet sensations. Here are a few.

I'm on a boat



Jizz in my pants



Lazy Sunday



Roy Rules




Paul Rudd, who plays the main character, has come into the lime light with his roles in Knocked Up and Role Models. His dry, sarcastic wit is his signature style of humor. Here is a clip from an appearance he made on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.




Speaking of Conan, in case you haven't heard NBC is shuffling up their weeknight lineup. Jay Leno is moving to 10 p.m. eastern and Conan is taking over as the new host of the The Tonight Show, which airs at 11:35 p.m. eastern. Here is an article about his last week of doing Late Night with Conan O'Brien in New York. In case you need any incentive to actually click the link, it includes a masturbating bear.