Wordsmith in Training

Along with being awkward, adept at social situations, and an awesome blogger I'm also kind of a nerd. For example, I record Jeopardy every night and have an excel document where I input the number of questions/answers that I get right. Along the same lines, the book I'm currently reading is titled, "The Big Book of Words You Should Know." It basically reads like a dictionary, so it's taken me a while to trudge through it, but it's been incredibly insightful. I'm not even half way through it and I can already tell that my vocabulary is improving. Here a few examples of what I've learned.

You know the phrase, "wet your appetite"? Well, it's actually whet your appetite.

whet (v.)- to stimulate; also to sharpen a knife of similar object by honing on a stone.

I always thought that people with hidden reasons for things had "alterior" motives, but low and behold the actual word is ulterior.

Similarly I always thought the word was "anti-climatic", but it's actually anti-climactic. That extra "c" will get you.

anti-climactic (adj.)- a disappointing decline in contrast to a previous rise; an average ending to a series of important events.

When learning how to play defense in basketball and lacrosse I was always taught to "sluff off" when playing in a zone. Well guess what? The actual word is slough.

slough (v.)- to become shed or cast off, like the slough- or outer skin layer- of a snake.

I always thought that Bob Barker's sign off phrase was "spade and neutered", but I guess I had just never seen it spelled out. The proper spelling is spayed.

spay (v.)- to render an animal infertile by removing the ovaries.

Another word that I had never seen written was brouhaha. Honestly I was surprised to see that it was actually a word.

brouhaha (n.)- an event that involves or invokes excitement, turmoil, or conflict.

Speaking of which, fracas is also a word.

Another word that I had heard of, but wasn't entirely sure that it was an actual word was snafu.

snafu (n.)- an eggregious, but common error.

Much like Sarah Palin I've always thought that "gambit" meant the same thing as gamut (FYI- Palin thought "refudiate" meant the same as "repudiate"; however "refudiate" isn't a word....until now).

Now, of course, my confusion was related to the X-Men character named Gambit (who I just learned was played by Tim Riggins/Taylor Kitsch in X-Men Origins: Wolverine), but I digress.



gamut (n.)- the full range or extent.

As many of you know there are sophisticated terms for some wild things. For example, the proper terms for oral sex are fellatio and cunnilingus. Also, the proper term for a wet dream is nocturnal emission. I bring this up because in reading this book I came across the proper term for a burp, belch, etc.

eructation (n.)- a fancy word word for belch.

Now that's an easy transition to the first of two words that I've always spelled improperly.

flaccid (adj.)- lacking firmness, stiffness, vigor.

I never knew there was a second "c".

gist (n.)- the main point; the essential meaning, the core or heart of the message.

I always thought it was "jist".

The word I think I was happiest to stumble across was crag.

crag (n.)- a steep rock formation rising higher than its surrounding rocks.

Obviously this tidbit of info was music to my ears because I now know half of the derivation of "The Aggro Crag" from Nickelodeon's Global Guts.



You know the "dobber" that your grandmother uses while playing BINGO? Well it's actually daubber and comes from the word daub.

daub (v.)- to smear with a sticky substance; to paint a surface in a hurried fashion.

I've always equated the term "double entendre" with sexual innuendo and I've now learned that I was only partially correct.

double entendre (n.)- a statement in which one or many of the words may be interprated in several ways, resulting in ambiguity; an expression that can be taken two ways, one of which often has sexual or threatening undertones.

While we're at it? What's the difference between overtones and undertones?

Well, I just looked up their definitions and I'm pretty sure that they're interchangeable.

This book of mine also has a cool section on popular foreign idioms. Now I'll assume that most of you know what these ones mean- a cappella, ad lib, ad nauseum, au contraire, au revoir, carpe diem, deja vu, faux pas, quid pro quo, status quo- but here are 10 more that you should familiarize yourself with.

1.) ad hoc (adj.)- for a specific purpose or end; formed for immediate or present need. The Latin phrase literally translates to "for this purpose".

ex: an ad hoc committee

2.) avant-garde (adj.)- relating to the latest trends, especially in the world of art; of a new or experimental nature. The term is French for "fore guard", or furthest from the line of battle.

3.) bon mot (n.)- a clever or witty comment.

4.) carte blanche (n.)- unrestricted power, access, or privilege; permission to act entirely as one wishes. Carte blance is French for "blank document".

ex: having little to no regard for consequences is to act in a carte blanche manner.

5.) coup de grace (n.)- a decisive act or event that brings a situation to a close; the finishing blow.

6.) fait accompli (n.)- something undertaken and already concluded. Fait compli is French for "accomplished fact".

ex: a done deal

7.) je ne sais quoi (n.)- a special, intangible quality. The term is French for "I don't know what.

ex: When someone has a je ne sais quoi about them they have what we Americans like to call the "it" factor.

8.) mea culpa (n.)- an acknowledgement, usually in public, of a blunder or mistake. The term is Latin for "I am to blame."

ex: Tiger Woods' February press conference, the one where he fielded no questions, was a mea culpa.

9.) non sequitur (n. adj.)- something that does not follow logically. A statement that has no basis in what has gone before.

ex: The term is usually used to refer to comedic one liners that are seemingly absurd.

10.) tete-a-tete (n.)- a meeting in which two people meet face to face. The term is French for "head to head".

Proper Protocal

Although I recently referred to myself as the most awkward human being on the planet, I'm also quite adept when it comes to common social situations in which the proper protocal is unclear. My friend "Downtown" Jeff Brown and I routinely seek each other's counsel when in situations where the most appropriate etiquite escapes us, or just to affirm our instincts when we encounter someone that may have corrupted the social order. If you are ever in a situation and you aren't sure how to act accordingly feel free to consult with me if you have the time to do so, or confer with me afterwards to see if you handled the situation properly. If you aren't sure what kind of situations I'm referring to, here are a few examples.

1.) At the Movies- I assume everyone knows this one, but I'll explain it anyway. If two guys go to a movie they must leave a seat inbetween them unless the theater is filled to capacity. Only when the number of guys reaches 5 is it acceptable to sit in consecutive seats.

2.) All that and a bag of chips (true or false Stephen Colbert tried to trademark this phrase last week?)- A few years back Browny called me after he had the following encounter. He was on the couch eating a large bag of chips while watching a movie with 1-2 other people. He said that asked the others if they wanted any chips and they both said no. After he polished off the chips (I assume the bag was already opened before he began eating them because Browny is a skinny guy), he commented on how good the chips were as he threw out the bag. At this point, one of the other people watching the movie said something to the effect of, "Yeah, thanks for offering," in a very sarcastic tone. Now after this episode Browny was shocked at this vitriolic response and wanted to know if he had done his due diligence, so he consulted me. Quite frankly, I told him that although this person's reaction was a bit extreme, he was in fact at fault. When it comes to being offered food, most polite people initially decline even if they really want to accept. After the second offer their true intentions normally reveal themselves.

3.) Door Holders-



Browny once told me that he followed some poor girl all the way across campus one day and she held 6 different doors open for him during the trek. He told me that he said "thank you" everytime, but wanted to know what the proper protocal was. At first I told him that the obvious answer is that the first and last door necessitates a "thank you." He quickly retorted in saying that he never knew what door was going to be the last one so he just kept saying "thank you" everytime. Our final verdict was that if you say "thank you" after the first door a simple nod of the head will suffice for each corresponding door. Although, if it becomes clear that a door will be the last in a series of doors a verbal "thank you again" is not necessary, but strongly recommended.

4.) The Soda Fountain-



a.) During one of our many Spicy Chicken Wednesday meals at Wendy's I had finished my Dr. Pepper, but I was still thirsty. Normally I would have just gotten up and refilled my drink, but the soda fountain in the restaurant was behind the counter. Browny enlightened me and told me that it's more than acceptable to walk up to the counter (and cut the line even) to ask for a refill.

b.) Last week, while at the soda fountain the person behind Browny in line abruptly placed their cup directly next to his and began filling up the soda of their choice. Browny texted me shortly after to confirm what the proper procedure in an instance like this is. Of course, his instincts were correct. According to the unwritten code of social behavior this sort of behavior is generally frowned upon. Proper protocal is to wait for the person in front of you to finish filling up their cup and walk away before you approach the fountain. When time is an issue it is acceptable to simultaneously fill up your cup only if your soda of choice is on the opposite side of the ice feeder.

Now there are countless other examples (and when I say countless I mean 3-4) where Browny and I have discussed proper etiquette in everyday social situations, but my memory isn't what it once was. Bottom line, I fancy myself a highly qualified arbiter in instances such as these, so feel free to check with me if you are ever in such a situation.

Keeping Tabs

Believe or not, I'm not much of a gambler. Even when comes to sports, I rarely roll the dice.

The same can not be said for many of my friends. A handful of which (from both highschool and college) are full fledged sports gambling afficionados. They spend countless hours looking at point spreads and evaluating over/unders. In fact, one of my friends runs a sports gambling website in his spare time that I occasionally contribute to. Gambling (sports related or not) is such a part of his life that he can't go more than 10 minutes without making a bet of some sort. For example, in late August a bunch of us were in Atlantic City for a little guys weekend (golf, fantasy football draft, and a friend's birthday) and he must have made upwards of 30 bets in the course of 2 days. It got to the point where he wanted to bet someone on the amount of happy birthday Facebook wall posts our friend had received from midnight to the time of the proposed bet (3:30 am- give or take an hour).

Now I am no stranger to the world of sports betting. I briefly dabbled back in my college days. I figured that my knowledge of sports would serve me well and for a while it did. True to my nature I was a very conservative gambler. I usually only bet on 1-2 games a week and about $20 per contest. This all changed, however, when the opportunity to score big presented itself.

The day was Monday, November 28th, 2005. The Fairfield University basketball had started the year 0-2 and were poised for a miserable season. In town that night to take on the Stags were the 2-0 Providence Friars. Providence, led by Kennedy Catholic great Donnie "Be cool. You know me" McGrath, were by no means a powerhouse in the Big East, but they were much more talented than the bottom feeders of the MAAC.

My cousin who will not be named received a call from his dad in the early afternoon hours and he mentioned how Providence was only favored by 5 points. We were stunned by this information. We both agreed that Providence was more likely to win by 55 than Fairfield was to keep the score within 5. Although I had never bet on a college basketball game and I'd be breaking my own rule #1 of gambling (never bet against your own team) I was all set to place a hefty wager on the game. Minutes later that hefty wager soon turned into an all out splurge.

My cousin had played on the Fairfield basketball the year before and was still close with many of the players. He told me that one of Fairfield's star players was walking around on crutches after suffering an injury in practice the night before. I was convinced that the spreadmakers in Vegas had no knowledge of this injury; therefore this bet was truly a sure thing. So much so that I called a few of my friends from highschool and told them to bet the farm on Providence.

To say that Providence's 35-34 halftime lead made me feel uneasy would be an understatement. Not only were my armpits in full on fire hydrant mode, but a cold sweat slowly dripped down by back as I tried to reassure myself and my friends from home (the game obviously wasn't televised) that Providence would pull away in the second half.

Providence maintained a slim lead late into the second half and although they were clearly the inferior team Fairfield just would not quit. Finally Providence extended their lead to 9 with about 3 minutes to play and I quickly updated my friends from home.

As the final minutes counted down the Stags were in desperation mode. They were running a full court press, sending Providence to the free throw line when they didn't get a steal, and jacking up 3's on offense....and for some God forsaken reason they were making them. I've never seen Fairfield get so hot from behind the 3-point line. It was ridiculous.

With 10 seconds to play Providence had pushed their lead back to 5 at 80-75 and Fairfield was down to their final gasp. All I needed to win the bet was for Fairfield to miss a three and to have the Providence rebounder make 1 free throw on the other end. In a cruel twist of fate Alvin Carter, known for his rebounding and defense (aka he wasn't an offensive threat) banked in a three-pointer to cut the Providence lead to 2. Fairfield fouled immediately. The Providence player made 1-2 from the line and Fairfield heaved up a half court shot as time expired. Final score- Providence 81, Fairfield 78.

Rule #1- Never bet against your own team.

Not that I'm still bitter about that game or anything (I am), but I'm pretty sure that Alvin Carter had never even taken a three-pointer in practice, let alone in a game. Also, to illustrate how much better of a team Providence was. They shot 64% from the floor that night whereas Fairfield shot just 43%. For those of you that also bet on the game (I'm looking at you Kyle Korver), here is the boxscore.

After the game I vowed to never gamble on sports (through a bookie, website) etc. again.

I've held true to that vow, but I haven't completely eradicated gambling from my life because 1.) it makes things a lot more exciting and 2.) it's fun to make a little wager with a friend every once in a while.

To the best of my knowledge in the past year I have made six such bets.

1.) In May I bet my cousin who will not be named $50 that Syracuse guard Andy Rautins would be drafted in the NBA draft in late June. Rautins was selected in the 2nd round (38th overall) by the New York Knicks. My cousin claims that this was the luckiest bet of my life and that the bet was only $20 (which I have yet to collect on).



I want to say that there was also a bet as to whether or not he'd be on a team's opening day roster, which he was, but I can't remember all the details.

2.) In June I bet my buddy Mark on the Celtics/Lakers NBA Finals. He, from Boston, had the Celtics and I had the Lake Show. The winner of the bet (me) won free drinks for a night (which I have yet to collect on).



That's 5 for Kobe in case you aren't keeping track at home.

3.) In July I bet my friend Jaclyn on who Ali would pick in The Bachelorette Finale. She thought that Ali would pick Chris and I thought Ali would pick Roberto. The winner of the bet (me) won a few drinks (which I have yet to collect on).



4.) During guys weekend in Atlantic City I bet my friend Alex, who runs the sports gambling site, $50 on the win total of the Tampa Bay Bucs. The line was set at 5 1/2 and I took the under. The Bucs are currently 5-2 (3-0 on the road) and would have to lose their last 9 games for me to win the bet.



5.) In an effort to make watching TV more enjoyable, Alex encouraged our friend RJ and me to partake in a fantasy draft of competitors on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. We each put $20 down and drafted 3 guys, 3 girls, and a team (the draft was done via email). The rules stipulate that whoever has the most players left at the time of the final challenge wins. In the event of a tie, the team that we drafted serves as the tiebreaker. We weren't really sure how the show worked, but it makes sense. RJ's team is still completely intact and Alex and I have each lost a player.



By the way, this is the perfect example of how gambling makes everything more exciting. There is no chance that I would ever have wasted my time watching this show, but now that I'm invested in it I can't get enough.

6.) With the NBA season starting my excitement for the new look New York Knicks has gone through the roof (maybe that's what cause debris to fall from the Garden). After noticing that I was watching a Knicks game instead of a World Series game that I was working on, my boss and I got to talking and eventually a bet was made. For some reason (I'm mildly delusional when it comes to the Knicks) I claimed that the Knicks would finish ahead of the Atlanta Hawks in the Eastern Conference. Things are looking good so far as the Knicks are off to a hot 1-2 start and the Hawks have stumbled out of the gate, going 5-0.



Thankfully there is nothing riding on this bet other than my credibility as an NBA fan around the office.

Flip Flopper

Well, I held off as long as I could, but the evil empire that is Twitter finally sucked me in. As you may recall I have been staunchly anti-twitter since it's inception (not to name the best movie of the summer or anything). My take was simple. 1.) Who cares what you're doing right now? 2.) I'm not really that interested in the lives of celebrities. And 3.) Isn't this the same thing as a Facebook status update?

Now I held steadfast to this dissenting opinion until I slightly began to waver in late August. My fall from grace (sorry to steal your phrase Tiger) was the result of a two-pronged attack. First and foremost, was the persuasive efforts of the powers that be at the fine company where I am employed. In a departmental meeting in late August we were all strongly encouraged to join Twitter-mania. Management essentially told us that if we weren't on Twitter we were missing out. Once the initial shock of realizing that I would have to reconsider my position on the social media website wore off a few producers chimed in and mentioned that they get information for their shows on Twitter long before it shows up on our internal news wire. It was at this point that I knew deep down that this siege would be one that I could not endure much longer.

Secondly was the persistent peer pressure (what up alliteration) from some of my closest friends. All throughout the summer they told me that I had to join Twitter. It's awesome. I'm missing out. They would text me funny tweets by professional athletes, etc. etc. I brushed all of this aside for as long as I could, but whether you know it or not, your friends can convince you to do just about anything.

I held out from joining the site for another month purely based on principle (I said I was anti-Twitter, I can't change my mind now), but earlier this month I registered an account (@DanStanczyk if you want to follow me). Within an hour I received a text from my buddy Frank over at ThePopCultureIniative that said, "I knew you'd cave. Welcome to Twitter. It's a Brave New World."

Of course I realize that in the grand scheme of things I'm way late to the party. In fact, as far as fads go I'm almost certainly a laggard, but I'm ok with it.



Obviously I'm still new to the site and I'm still getting by bearings, but in the short time that I've been tweeting (some people just follow, but I'm way to expressive for that) I've come to notice some positives and negatives. FYI- of my roughly 60 tweets the majority have been sports related (surprise, surprise). Despite what my friends told me, Twitter, while definitely a useful tool, isn't the greatest thing in the world. So here is a quick pro's and con's list, if you will.

Pro's

- Twitter makes browsing the internet 10 times easier. Instead of wasting your time aimlessly searching for news and articles that you might find interesting Twitter puts those articles at your fingertips. Deciding who to follow is key in achieving this bonus. If you follow your favorite writers, reporters, magazines, etc. they will often include links in their tweets to articles that you will enjoy. In this respect, Twitter consolidates your web browsing and brings it right to you.

- Twitter rewards timing and ingenuity. Demonstrating creativity and humor in your musings will get the attention of your friends and others that share your interests. The key though is timing. Twitter time is very accelerated. For instance, if you're watching a sporting event and tweeting about what you see, the window for you to make an insightful tweet is very limited. In a few minutes everyone else watching that game will have moved on to the next play, the next quarter, etc.

- As shallow as it may seem, Twitter gives you a glimpse inside the mind of the very celebrities that our culture glorifies. This kind of access to our stars and starlettes is unprecedented. We get their thoughts, their opinions, and things that they find interesting instantaneously. At the very least this is both mildly intriguing and entertaining.

- This one might only apply for egomaniacs like me, but Twitter gives you a platform. Everyone wants their voice to be heard somehow and someway and Twitter allows for this to happen. Sure it's not a huge platform, but it's a start. It's a way to share your ideas and connect with others you may not otherwise have connected with.

Con's

- The immediacy of Twitter is crazy. To borrow the famous line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." That pretty much sums up Twitter right there. It's hard to keep up with the tweets of everyone that you follow and it's hard to find the window to tweet effectively.

- Along the same lines, Twitter forces you to try to be creative. You feel the pressure to conjure up a witty statement about whatever is happening at that moment. Thinking is hard and nobody likes doing it and the timing issue only exacerbates the problem.

- Once you first tweet there's no going back. Almost immediately you feel as if you have to keep up with everybody else. It's such a high paced environment that right after you tweet something you are almost already thinking about what you'll tweet next. My unnamed cousin, who is not on Twitter, recently told me that he has a pet aquarium...on his iPhone. He said he routinely has to feed his virtual fish and clean his virtual aquarium. Of course I told him that that is the dumbest thing of all time, but Twitter is almost the same way. You just feel like you have to feed your fish and tweet your little heart away and that you have to clean the tank and read everyone else's tweets.

- That all said, as pathetic as it is, Twitter also reminds you how inconsequential you really are. I'm wasting all this time thinking of creative ways to express my thoughts on trivial matters and no one really cares what I have to say. Until you become famous enough that your twitter account has to be verified (my friend Frank's goal) your tweets don't really matter all that much.

All Aboard

Let me be blunt. If you don't watch Mad Men, you're crazy. It's without a doubt the best drama on television (back to back Emmy wins). The Season 4 finale aired this past Sunday and although there was no "they tied up all the loose ends" closure-like feel or textbook cliffhanger going into next year's Season 5, I am more than satisfied. It was a very complete season. Perhaps the show's best since Season 1.

For fans of the show, here is an introspective interview about Season 4 with the show's creator Matthew Weiner.

Again, for those of you that haven't had hopped on board the Mad Men Express, you're crazy.

Here's a few reasons why you should Netflix (has Blockbuster gone bankrupt yet?) Seasons 1-3 and anxiously await Season 4's release.

1.) In case you're not aware (and it's almost impossible for you not to be), Mad Men is set in New York in the 1960's. The name of the show is a reference to the occupation of the characters. They work in the golden age of advertising on Madison avenue. Now this is all fine, but why should you care? Well, because the historical context of the show gives us twentysomethings a look at the world that our parents grew up in. The stories and situations offer a fleeting glance as to how they were raised, shaped, and molded. If you aren't at least mildly intrigued in discovering clues at to why your parents and grandparents are the way that they are then maybe Mad Men isn't for you.

2.) Men and women alike can enjoy the show because they will no doubt be able to resonate with one of the characters.

For men- Don Draper, the show's protaganist, is an alpha male. Women want him and men want to be him. He drinks all day (literally), sleeps with whoever he wants, and still crushes it in the boardroom. He is a creative genius who understands people better than they understand themselves. For his many strong, useful attributes, he is also very flawed. The drinking is just the half of it. He also has a dark past that haunts him constantly.

For women- There is a strong female character in secretary turned copywriter Peggy Olsen. She is a young, motivated woman trying to make it in a man's world. Her struggle for acceptance in the world of advertising is symbolic of the women's rights movement. You know, Rosie the Riveter, Betty Friedan, and all that mumbo jumbo.



In fact, Don and Peggy have the best male/female (platonic) relationship on television. It's part father/daughter, part creative counsel, part genuine friends, part reflection of self, and part teacher/pupil.

3.) Granted I'm probably more of a deep thinker than most, but this is the only show that has made me actually pick up a pen and paper to write down some of the dialogue (this started during Season 4). Some lines are just that well put and thought provoking.

For instance, perhaps the most seminal line from the show occured in the Season 3 finale (Spoiler alert) in an exchange between Don and Peggy.

(Peggy's apartment)

Don: I've taken you for granted and I've been hard on you, but only because I see you as an extension of myself. And you're not.

Peggy: Well thank you for stopping by.

Don: Do you know why I don't want to work for McCann?

Peggy: Because you can't work for anyone else.

Don: No. Because there are people out there who buy things, people like you and me. And something happened. Something terrible. And the way that they saw themselves is gone. And nobody understands that. But you do. And that's very valuable.

Peggy: Is it?

Don: With you or without you, I'm moving on. And I don't know if I can do it alone. Will you help me?

Peggy: What if I say no? You'll never speak to me again.

Don: No, I will spend the rest of my life trying to hire you.


Lines from Season 4 that I wrote down:
"Is that what you want? or is that what people expect of you?"

"Since when is forgiveness a better quality than loyalty?"

"People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be."

"When a man walks into a room he brings his whole life with him."

"You always say, "If you don't like what they're saying about you change the conversation."

"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. That's the best part, right? I've got the rest of my life ahead of me. And so do you."

"There is no fresh start. Lives carry on."

I'm in Awkwardville and I'm the Mayor

For being someone that excels in most areas of communication and generally has a way with words, whether they be spoken or written, I'm actually an incredibly awkward person. I'm a world class blogger (clearly), I have a degree in Communications, and I work in radio. Communicating effectively as a speaker, writer, and listener is my livelihood. So when it comes to writing an email, telling a story, or selling an idea I'm usually lights out, but for whatever reason there are simple, everyday episodes in which I consistently struggle.

Outside of talking to girls sober here are 6 situations (and there are no doubt plenty others) where much like the most interesting man in the world I'm the most awkward man in the world:

1.) The hug/handshake/kiss hello- I think many guys and girls my age struggle with this one, especially when it comes to meeting a friend's mom/dad. Much like Ben Stiller in Meet The Parents I never know what the appropriate move is. A handshake is always the safe bet, but if I throw my hand out there and my friend's mom extends her arms for a hug we are headed straight for awkward city. I'm even awkward in these situations with my aunts and friend's moms that I know well. Whenever the kiss on the cheek enters the game I'm, to borrow a soccer term, all 6's and 7's. I imagine that this is also a tough spot for a girl meeting a (boy)friend's dad. Is a hug the proper etiquette? Is a kiss on the cheek the way to go? Probably due to my long standing awkwardness in these situations I've long said that the adult should dictate the proper level of formality. They should make the first move.

Well it's not only with adults where I'm akward in hug/handshake/kiss hello situations. When it comes to girls I know from highschool and college I usually just play it safe and go for the hug, but sometimes problems arise. For example, I still don't know when the kiss on the cheek is the right move, so I generally avoid it, but when a female goes for it I feel compelled to do the same and it almost never goes down smoothly. Furthermore, let's say that I see a group of 6 girls from highschool or college that I haven't seen in a while. Obviously I'm closer with some of them than I am with others. I've probably even spoken to a few of them recently. But there's always one or two girls that I never really knew well, haven't kept in touch with, never really liked, etc. So after hugging 4 or 5 girls, do I hug the 1-2 that I don't know as well? I think so, but when I do I feel like I'm overstepping my bounds of familiarity.

2.) Ending phone call conversations- Don't ask me why, but I have trouble getting off the phone with people. My phone conversations seem to drag on like you wouldn't believe. I wouldn't say that it feels like a forced conversation because this usually happens with people I know quite well, but I noticed this a few years back. At first I thought it was the 1-2 people that it happened with, but eventually I came to realize that the problem was most likely on my end. This realization has made me even more awkward when trying to end phone conversations because now I'm thinking about it the whole time I'm on the phone. After a certain point, I start planning an exit strategy just to avoid the extra long conversation and I end up awkwardly trying to end the conversation and then continuing to talk for an additional 5-10 minutes.

3.) Walking towards someone in a narrow hallway/aisle- This is the worst for me. I'm so bad at these situations that it's painful. No joke 9 out of 10 times I'm in a situation like this I take a step in the same direction that the person walking towards me does. I then make the most awkward sound of all time before cutting back in the other direction to avoid unnecessary physical contact. That awkward sound is, "oop." Like the singular version of the word "oops." The sound must come out of my voicebox instinctively because I'm ashamed everytime I say it and have been unsuccessfully trying to eradicate it from my life. This happens to me in hallways, pathways outside, supermarket aisles, etc. FYI- my go to move in these situations is to go to the right (because here in America we drive on the right side of the road), but clearly that's not working.

4.) Getting to an all way stop at the same time as another car- I used to thrive in these situations back when I was a daring 18-year-old. As a sports fan I assumed that the tie went to the runner (me) and I would just go for it. I don't know what's happened to me in the past 4-6 years, but apparently I've become a little soft behind the wheel. Now I only get aggressive and assume the tie goes to me when I'm in a rush. Othertimes I play it passively and just wait for the other car to go. Unfortunately more often than not they are doing the same thing and waiting for me to go. After a certain amount of time I get the picture and figure out that they are waiting for me, so I start to go, but the other car usually has figured out that I was waiting for them, so they start to go as well. Then we have a bad dance routine of starting and stopping, until one of us just goes.

Also, just to clarify, I've never done this, but flashing the high beams at someone is like saying, "You go ahead," correct?

5.) Giving dap- Along with being one of the most awkward kids alive, I'm also probably one of the whitest kids you know. They sort of go hand in hand really. When it comes to giving dap (I fear attempting to explain this because it will probably be an awkward explanation), or when two guys take (some version of) a handshake and turn it into a quick embrace, my whiteness shines through. In fact, one time I met 3 Boston College basketball players (all black) and they literally had to give me lessons.

6.) My posture- If you've spent a considerable amount of time with me you probably know that I have awkward posture. First of all, I'm a big time sloucher, which isn't really awkward, but it's something I'm trying to work on, so writing this is a nice reminder for me. I'm an awkward sitter/stander, or so I've been told. I often sit (comfortably) with my knees touching (I think). I have bony elbows that have caused a friend to go out of his way to avoid sitting on the right of me. Also, when standing I never know what to do with my hands/arms. Crossed? In my pockets? At my side? Nothing feels right.

Batter Up

There are obviously a lot of things that I like about sports. I mean, it's hard not to like the drama, the competition, and the performance. Professional athletes are just on a whole nother level both physically (I can't dunk or hit a curveball) and mentally (no chance I'd make a free throw in a packed arena). That said, they are also human beings just like you and me (do I have to credit US Weekly?). It's not often that we get to see the human side of athletes, so when we do I relish the opportunity.

This is one of the many reasons that I love entrance songs. Entrance songs give athletes a chance to show a little bit of their personality. Baseball players (hitters and closers) either pick a song that they enjoy or one that pumps them up. This selection either tells you a little bit about each player or makes you wonder about them. Does he like rap? Oh, a country song. Is he from the South? Can't say I'm surprised that the player from the Domincan Republic went with the Salsa beat. Every so often an athlete and their entrance song sort of become one. What I mean by that is that when I hear the song I think of the athlete. For example, when I hear "Numb/Encore" I think of A-Rod. Also, when I hear "Enter Sandman" I look around to see if Mariano Rivera is going to come running out of nowhere.

This glimpse into the mind of a professional athlete is fascinating to me. In fact, back when I was the host of my own low/no budget college radio show I used to ask callers what song they would pick to walk up to the plate to.

Now naturally I've also long contemplated what song I would choose if I was walking up to the plate or coming in to close a game and on last night's episode of Eastbound and Down Kenny Powers stole the song that was the leader in the clubhouse for me....



I don't know if it's my love for America, my admiration for Hulk Hogan, or what, but that song has a weird power over me. I turn into an animal whenever I hear it. It's hard to explain, but I've done some crazy things while that song has been playing.

While that song would no doubt be my pick if I was a professional baseball player (although after last night I'd have to reconsider because some of the luster is definitely gone), I did have the opportunity to pick an entrance song back in college. No, I wasn't on the baseball team, although I did successfully convince at least a dozen people that I was. My intramural softball team (The Sal Ciaccio Memorial All-Stars) had walk up songs (as well as music to play inbetween innings). As the manager of the team, I asked each player to pick a walk up song of their choosing (some changed for each game) and then I arranged the songs according to the batting order on a CD to make it easy on the girls who sat in the stands and played them for us.


Yes, those are champagne bottles

Obviously it's key to select a song that has a cool opening. I mean, I cued up the chorus for some people's selections, but I think it's best to stick with the actual beginning of the song. That said, after dabbling with a few songs I went with this '80's classic.


(:16 to :28)

Other songs I considered:

Nirvana- Come As You Are- Not only do I like the beginning of the song, but I also love how the title and lyrics seem appropriate for the situation. In essence the batter is saying that they are coming to the plate as they are. This is also why I lovvved when Manny Ramirez came to the plate to Ready or Not by The Fugees.

Aerosmith- Sweet Emotion - Just a cool beginning.

Guns 'N Roses- Sweet Child O' Mine- I probably would have went this song if our meathead cleanup hitter (love ya Hoff) didn't already choose it.

Other songs that my Sal C's teammates went with:

Ram Jam- Black Betty

Dr. Dre- Bang Bang

Kanye West- Homecoming

Billy Squier- The Stroke

Cam'ron- Suck It or Not (1:52- 2:03)

Wisin y Yandel- Rakata (:24-:38)


So now I ask you. If you were a professional baseball player (or intramural/company softball player) what song would you walk up to the plate to?